Alter The Ending
by manhattanProject
Summary: Take it as a sign we can still go on, we still belong. Even when the worst is yet to come. The sequel to The Push And Pull. READ THAT FIRST. Alex/Mitchie.
1. Take Tomorrow One Day At A Time

**A/N 1: Sorry about any previous confusions but here is the sequel to The Push And Pull. Read & Review and I hope you like the second part of the story.**

**Story/Summary Song Title/Quote: Alter The Ending by Dashboard Confessional  
><strong>

****Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.****

* * *

><p>1. Take Tomorrow (One Day At A Time)<p>

_Give me all your fear, throw it all away  
>And think about the good things, no matter what they say<br>We'll take tomorrow baby  
>One day at a time<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

If I have learned anything in my seventeen years of existence it's that everything has to go wrong, and I mean completely wrong, for something good to finally happen. I lost my father and my older brother, my mom loathes me with every fiber of her being, I'm convinced that my possibly-bipolar fake boyfriend has made it his mission in life to make mine a living hell, and I almost died in a car accident, only surviving because my best friend risked her own life for me. That best friend would be Mitchie, also known as the one person who has the power to drive me absolutely insane yet still make me completely weak in the knees just by looking at me. Mitchie, my best friend…my girlfriend.

Saying that, or at least thinking it, now seems so weird and surreal. Not the kind of surreal where you feel awkward and don't know what to do with yourself, afraid something terrible is going to happen. Okay, well the fear isn't _completely _gone, but you can't blame me for being paranoid. Like I said, enough things have gone wrong in my life to make this fear seem completely normal. And by normal I mean _rational_. And rationality…it's a foreign concept to me, surreal, if you will. But no, this is the kind of surreal where you can't believe something you've wanted for years has happened and you are finally, dare I say, happy. Yeah, I think I am finally happy.

Of course this…new step…in our friendship is a risky one, filled with complications but as Mitchie had said last night, it's worth it. There are going to be obstacles, one might say too many for this to ever work out, but with her by my side I find it hard to even care anymore. All my fears are lodged into the back of my brain, pushed deep enough so that I will stop worrying about them…for now. I'll deal with them later, should these problems ever arise. Is that unhealthy? Probably, but like I said, I am way past caring.

Mitchie makes me happy, plain and simple. Even when we were just best friends, before last night, she always had a way to make me smile. It's both a curse and a blessing, her ability to keep me so at ease, especially when she is the one making my stress levels skyrocket. I've learned to live with it and waking up next to her now I know that I could put up with all of it because I have never felt so whole in my life. Ignoring how cliché it sounds, I can't deny that it is the truth.

I can't even begin to describe the multitude of emotions I experienced just yesterday. I went from being completely angry, to hurt and betrayed, to just plain sad, all the way to absolutely euphoric. I could have run a marathon and climbed a fucking mountain and still have enough energy to come back to my beautiful girlfriend and kiss her with everything I had left in me. I swear anyone would think I was on drugs but when it comes to Mitchie I will admit that I am shamelessly addicted. I love her, sue me.

Being the lovesick teenager that I am, it is no surprise that I refuse to move from my current spot next to Mitchie, or behind, however you want to look at it. If I could I would stay here all day with my arm around her but I know that I have to get up soon. Although it's only Sunday I'm sure I can't get away with being lazy for a full twenty four hours. Her parents would probably wonder why on Earth we haven't gotten up anyway. In fact, they will probably be worried that something terrible happened to Mitchie, not me though, because this is her room and they most likely don't even know I am in here…wait a minute…

"Crap." I quickly, and reluctantly, released my hold on Mitchie's waist and rushed out of the bed as if she had some contagious disease that I was afraid of catching. I ended up on the floor a lot less gracefully than I had originally hoped, also waking up Mitchie in the process. She turned over and propped herself up on her arm and looked at me with tired eyes, both confused and amused.

"What are you doing?" she asked while holding back a slight laugh. I stood up but still didn't go back to where I was.

"Sorry I just…freaked out." And cue eyebrow elevation.

"Isn't that supposed to be my job?" I think she was mocking me, clearly entertained by my antics.

"I just…I don't know if your parents are home and I don't want them to walk in here again like last time," I explained and she only grew more amused. "What?"

"Two things: One, you're not a guy, Alex. My parents aren't going to cut your head off if they find you in my bed. In case you forgot, we _have_ slept in the same bed, oh I don't know, maybe a million times before."

"Right…well what's the second thing?"

"My door is still locked. Even if they cared we have nothing to worry about." Well that makes me feel a lot better. I don't know why I didn't think of any of that before. I really am a paranoid person. Maybe Mitchie isn't the only one who needs meds.

"Oh." She sat up fully and crossed her legs as I sat at the edge of the bed. "Sorry, I guess I'm just nervous."

"Alex, I know you're worried…about a lot of things, but I promise that everything is going to be okay. You don't have to be so jumpy all the time," she assured me but I was too busy staring at her legs to be convinced of anything that she was saying. She was wearing shorts that ended high up on her thigh and with her legs crossed they were raised even higher. Her fingers snapping twice pulled me out of my thoughts and I finally looked at her face again. "I'm up here." Like I said…shamelessly addicted.

"Sorry…what were you saying?" She rolled her eyes and I smiled brightly at her, earning a shove in return.

"I said you need to stop worrying about everything. It's gonna be fine."

"How are you so sure of yourself?"

"I just am."

"Alright, works for me." I shrugged before leaning forward and crawling on top of her. "So since _I'm not a guy_ then I'm sure your parents won't mind this either, right?" She sucked in a breath as I straddled her.

"This they might find…questionable." She tried to sit up again but I grabbed her hands and pinned them above her head.

"What about this?" I leaned in close to her ear, my lips lightly brushing over her skin, and I kissed the spot just under it. I felt her shiver underneath my touch and I smiled into the second kiss.

"I…I think…they'll be…suspicious."

"I don't care," I whispered as I released her hands and touched her cheek. My eyes moved from hers to her lips. "As long as I get to kiss you." She smirked and placed her hand over mine.

"Oh you will." I leaned in again but was met with Mitchie's hand covering my mouth. "But not until you brush your teeth." I groaned into her palm and she unclasped my mouth.

"Oh c'mon Mitch," I whined and tried to kiss her again but she just shook her head and giggled, eliciting another groan from me. "Kiss me."

"No, you stink."

"Embrace it!"

"No!" she yelled as her laughter increased. She managed to finally sit up and flip us over so now she was practically lying down on top of me, not that I minded.

"You should just learn to love my morning breath."

"Why? Do you plan on never brushing your teeth again?"

"_Maybe_."

"Well _maybe_ I'll just never kiss you again," she said as she pushed down on me more, probably turning me on more than she intended.

"God damn it, Mitchie."

"What? You don't see me shoving my morning breath in your face, do you?"

"No but I definitely see you shoving _something else_ in my face," I said while staring directly into her chest before looking back up at her. "But don't let me stop you because I am loving it."

"I bet you are."

"And for the record I wouldn't mind your morning breath." I put my hands on her waist to hold her steady as I sat up with her still on my lap. "You don't even _have _morning breath," I said in a 'what-the-hell' kind of tone.

"That's because I already brushed my teeth. I've been up for a while now." I could have sworn she was asleep next to me when I woke up.

"What? For how long?"

"I don't know, like a few hours. I couldn't go back to sleep but there was nothing else to do so I decided to just lie down with you until you woke up."

"Why'd you wake up so early?" I asked but she just shrugged.

"No reason." I stared at her curiously as she avoided my eyes.

"Mitchie…"

"No reason," she repeated, this time actually looking at me. I wanted to believe her and let it go but my paranoia was kicking in again. I think she started to grow uncomfortable under my gaze. "Alex, it's okay it's not that bad."

"You're right, it's not that bad. I just give my girlfriend nightmares but no, it's not that bad."

"You don't give me nightmares. It would have been the same if you weren't sleeping next to me. But I told you that it's getting better."

"But-" She grabbed my face to make me stop talking.

"Alex. Promise you'll stop worrying about me."

"I love you Mitch. I'll never stop worrying about you," I said, my face still in her hands.

"Okay…promise you'll worry less?" She was right; I had to stop dwelling on this and trust that she's handling it. I know that if she ever needed me she would tell me so I had to let this go. I sighed but nodded my head. "Thank you…and I love you too." She smiled and leaned into me. Just as I thought she was finally going to kiss me she tilted my face down and kissed my forehead instead. "But for the love of God, brush your teeth."

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I would have thought that after being awake for such a long time I would have been starving by now but as I rummage through the fridge I can't seem to find anything actually worth eating. This being my third time reviewing the contents in here, my eyes scanning over the entire thing in about five seconds flat, I don't understand why my mind hasn't grasped the fact that it's going to be the same as the last time I looked at it. I could just ignore my better judgment, because eating is _obviously_ necessary, but everything made me sick. I all but cringed as my eyes passed each item.

I knew that not eating wasn't an option though. I mean, I had literally _just_ convinced Alex that I am fine. Well, I know she probably doesn't believe me but at least she's going to back off. It's hard enough for me to actually _want_ to eat but even when I do, on those random occasions as rare as they are, the thought of eating makes me want to throw up the nothing in my stomach. It's a complicated dilemma but I have been forcing myself to eat regardless.

I decided that cereal was probably my best bet this morning. I might as well have been eating tar anyway. I poured a bowl and sat on one of the stools by the island. I practically had to refrain from breathing as I slowly chewed my food. The familiar daunting feeling of nausea crept up my throat and I had to hold back an instinctual gag. After about four bites I was ready to dump the whole thing down the sink. Just as I pushed the bowl away from me I felt two hands grab my shoulders and pull me back. Since there are no backs to stools I nearly had a heart attack as I started falling off the seat but a pair of arms hooked under mine, keeping me in place. I only had enough time to let out half a scream before Alex's lips silenced me. She kissed me fiercely before releasing me and readjusting me back on the stool.

"Holy crap," I breathed out as I finally regained my balance…and felt my heart beating again.

"I know; I'm good." Alex walked around to the other side of the island and started looking through the fridge and cabinets just as I was doing a short while ago.

"I thought I was gonna die."

"Well that would've been unfortunate," she said humorously while reemerging, breakfast in hand. She sat across from me, biting into her pop tart.

"You know, my parents could have been in here."

"They would have gotten quite a show," she said with her mouth full and I slapped her arm.

"Alex!"

"Don't worry. You don't think I checked before I came in here? No one's home; it's just us…" I nodded and blindly stirred my cereal. "Alone…" I hummed in response. I don't think I can even call it cereal anymore; it's starting to look like oatmeal. "Together…" I looked up to see her avert her eyes to her breakfast.

"You sound like you're hinting at something," I pointed out as I raised my eyebrows and rested my cheek in my palm.

"I was just telling you that your parents aren't home. I don't know what _you're_ suggesting…pervert."

"Says the girl who can't seem to find my eyes, once again, I'm up here." She looked up at me, trying not to smile.

"What?" she asked somewhat innocently.

"Do I need to stop wearing tank tops around you?"

"If you want. I mean you could just wear nothing. I won't stop you," she said as her gaze went down again. I knew what she was looking at though.

"Alex, stop staring at my chest."

"Well when you say it like that it sounds bad." I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes.

"What did we _just_ talk about?"

"…You being naked?" she asked half-seriously and I tried not to laugh.

"…No."

"Can we talk about that?"

"Alex!"

"Calm your tits Mitch, I know, and I wasn't going to ask you anything." She stood up and went to the fridge again and came back with a bottle of water and an apple.

"Oh really now?" She took the seat next to me this time.

"Yes, really."

"Then stop looking; it's making me uncomfortable."

"Mitchie, I'm offended," she said in mock hurt.

"That's not what I meant."

"I promised I wouldn't bother you about it, so I'm not going to."

"But you want to." She didn't say anything and just bit into the fruit she was holding. "It didn't happen again last night. I woke up before anything…bad…happened." She slowly pushed my hair over my shoulder and I had to keep my breathing under control.

"They're getting better."

"I know…so am I."

"I know." She put her arm around me. "Did you take your meds this morning?" she asked curiously and I groaned and leaned my forehead against her shoulder.

"Ugh Alex please don't ever ask me that." She chuckled and released me.

"I just asked because you're not eating." I stared at the bowl in front of me and my stomach growled in protest.

"What are you my girlfriend or my nurse?" I asked, trying to change the subject, and she scoffed.

"Your girlfriend. Please, Mitchie, I know your parents aren't home but we're not role playing yet." I peeled myself off of her and slapped her again. "Hey! You know, domestic violence is frowned upon."

"I'm gonna kill you." I was trying to keep a straight face but failing.

"Are you sure you took your meds?"

"I hate you so much," I said while shaking my head.

"Hate is a strong word, dear." I glared at her and she smiled big, showing all of her teeth.

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

"I could think of a couple of things you could do…" she said as her hand trailed up my leg. I swatted it away.

"I bet you could." She grabbed the legs of the stool I was sitting on and pulled so that our seats were touching. "Any closer and I'll be sitting on your lap." She started tugging again and I pushed her back while laughing at her. "You're awfully feisty this morning."

"Hey I can finally look at you and touch you without feeling awkward about it anymore, excuse me for wanting to take advantage of it."

"You're excused." She stood up tossed her apple core in the garbage before coming up behind me and wrapping her arms around my waist.

"Good." I felt her press her cheek against my back and heard her sigh.

"You alright, Lex?" I asked and spun around in my seat so that I was facing her. She was standing in between my legs, her arms still around me.

"Never better." She kissed me and buried her face in my neck. "I just wanna stay like this with you all day."

"Oh well then you are going to be severely disappointed," I told her, a hint of guilt laced in my voice. I know it's not my fault but I still felt bad. I mean, I wanted to be with her today too. She pulled back a bit and looked at me confused. "I have to see my doctor…and then I have to go to therapy later. I don't know how long any of that is going to take. It's already 1:00 I don't know why you woke up so late." She groaned and sat back on the stool beside me. "I'm sorry."

"Don't be."

"I could cancel if you want," I offered but she shook her head.

"No you don't have to do that. I want you to go. We can just hang out later tonight, right?" she asked hopefully.

"Alex, we live together. Why wouldn't we be able to hang out later?"

"I meant just us. I just want to be alone with you tonight." I raised my eyebrows at her. "Not like that. God, mind out of the gutter."

"I'm sorry I just can't keep these dirty thoughts out of my head," I said sarcastically.

"It's fine; just try and contain yourself."

"That's gonna be hard."

"Stop trying to get in my pants, Mitch."

"I would if you were actually _wearing_ any pants," I pointed out as I looked at her in her slightly large t-shirt and bare legs.

"Ahem, I'm up here," she said, mimicking me. "Am I turning you on, Michelle?" She wiggled her hips in her seat and winked at me. Sometimes this girl is absolutely ridiculous.

"Oh yeah Alex…soooooo much," I said, humoring her.

"You should just take yours off too."

"Remind me again how _I'm _the one whose mind is in the gutter?"

"I just don't want you to feel left out. You're the one who keeps thinking I mean something else." I dropped my head and let it hit the counter. "Okay well when you're done making out with the table you could try making out with me instead."

"Now why on Earth would I want to do that?"

"Because you _looooooooove_ me," she sang and poked me in my side repeatedly. I grabbed her fingers and sat back up.

"That's debatable." She pouted and I smiled at her before quickly pecking her lips and jumping down from the stool. I started heading towards my room when I heard her call out after me.

"Hey where are you going?" I walked back into the kitchen to find her pouting again.

"I'm going to sleep before I have to leave."

"Noooooo stay with meeeeee," she whined as she grabbed my hand, pulling me towards her. I would love to stay here with her until later but I hardly slept and I'm exhausted.

"But Alex I'm so tired. I promise when I come home later I'm all yours."

"But what if your parents are home? I didn't even know they worked on Sundays and I don't know when they're coming back."

"They usually don't. I don't think they're even at work. I don't know though; we could go out if you want."

"Will you let me drive us somewhere?" she asked expectantly and bit her lip. I almost didn't want to tell her no.

"Probably not."

"Well then we're pretty limited," she said, dropping my hand.

"I'm sorry. I want to, I really do, but…I just can't," I explained and she sighed and put her hands on my waist.

"I know, I know, you need time. It's okay, Mitch, really. You don't have to keep apologizing." I swear she is way too nice to me.

"You're the best." I moved my hands behind her neck and pulled her in to kiss her again. It lasted longer than before and I sure wasn't complaining. I needed to stop though because I thought I was going to pass out and my head was starting to hurt. "As much as I would love to continue this I _really_ need to sleep."

"Yes, yes, fine, sweet dreams my pretty little lady." She spun me around and smacked my ass as I was leaving. I giggled and started walking back to my room again to hopefully get some sleep.

* * *

><p>"Alex?" I walked into my apartment to find the television on but I couldn't see anyone watching it. It was a little after seven and all the lights were off so it was pitch black. The light from the TV was illuminating only a small section of the living room.<p>

"Hey, you're home," she called from the other side of the couch as she sat up a little bit. I walked around, deciding not to bother turning the lights on.

"Yeah, I would have gotten here sooner but the bus was delayed." I could tell she wanted to say something but was holding it back. She knows how I feel about being in a car with her and I refuse to let her drive me anywhere. "What have you been doing all day?"

"This," she said gesturing around her to the couch and the television. Typical.

"You haven't moved since I left?" She didn't even bother changing into real clothes. She was still in the same thing she was in this morning. The only difference was that she had shorts on now.

"Not really. I mean, I had to pee like…twice. Other than that I've just been here. Your parents never called or came home so there's really nothing to do." I nodded sat on the arm of the couch. "How was it?"

"Um, it was…good. He asked about you."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Well, I've told him that we live together. He didn't think it was such a great idea at first but he thinks it might actually be helping me."

"Did you tell him about…us?" I didn't know if she was asking because she didn't want me to tell anyone. Or would she get upset if I kept it a secret?

"No. I didn't."

"Oh." I couldn't read the emotion in her voice nor could I read the emotion on her face because it was so dark in here.

"You're not mad, are you?" I asked a little hesitantly.

"No, I just didn't know if you wanted to tell anyone."

"Do you?" She sighed and scratched the back of her head.

"Um…I kind of don't…not now anyway." I don't even know why I asked. It was obvious she was going to say no. I don't blame her at all. The first time she came out to anyone her life fell apart. "I'm sorry I'm just not ready to go through anything like that again."

"No it's okay we don't have to tell anyone."

"Are you sure?" I got off of the arm and she made room for me to sit next to her. I motioned for her to lie back down and she rested her head in my lap.

"Alex, it's really okay. I promise that I don't mind. I kind of don't want to tell anyone either. We can just keep this a secret." She hummed as my hands instinctively found her hair.

"You know it's not because I don't want people to know, right? I'm just…afraid," she admitted and my fingers trailed down her scalp. She turned over so that she was on her back and looking up at me. I didn't even need to see the sincerity or the fear in her eyes because I knew it was there.

"It might be hard to hide it here…you know, from my parents, but don't worry, okay?"

"But what if we're not careful and they find out?"

"We'll cross that bridge when we get to it. Please, stop worrying." She repositioned herself so that she was sitting up again and leaned her head against me.

"Alright. I'm sorry; I know I'm being annoying."

"A little bit." She picked her head up and slapped my leg…really hard. "Ow I'm just kidding." I put my arm around her shoulder. "You need to relax."

"I know." I turned to kiss her but it was cut short when we heard the door open and Alex quickly moved away from me to the other side of the couch.

"Wow that's going to get old _really_ fast," I mumbled and she mouthed another apology to me. My parents walked into the living room and they turned the light on. Alex and I both winced from the brightness.

"What are you guys vampires? Why are all the lights off?" My dad asked as he went to the fridge in the kitchen.

"We were watching TV there's no point in keeping them on," I said as I turned around to finally look at him. He was wearing black pants and a nice dress shirt with a dark red tie. Not the usual attire for a mechanic. My mom was dressed nicely too and wearing heels. "Why are you guys dressed so fancy?"

"We were at a wedding in Long Island all day. I told you this yesterday during dinner. Do you ever listen to us when we talk?" my mom asked while putting her things on a nearby chair.

"Not really. So how was it?" She came over and sat in between me and Alex.

"It was nice but never mind that. How was your date with Zach?" she asked with way too much enthusiasm and I could see Alex's face drop at the mention of him. I was hoping she wouldn't ever ask me this but I should have known it was going to happen.

"Uh, it was fine." It wasn't exactly a lie because I did have a good time hanging out with him but…it wasn't really a date.

"What did you guys do?" She was still curious but Alex looked like she was getting uncomfortable listening to this.

"Mom, I don't really want to talk about it," I told her, hoping she would just drop it.

"No, c'mon, tell me everything." I knew she wouldn't let it go.

"We went to dinner and a movie and then he brought me back home. That's it."

"Are you going to go out with him again?" I tried not to cringe at the idea.

"No," I answered almost immediately, mostly for Alex's sake.

"What? Why not? He's such a nice boy, and so handsome." I wish I could just tell her that I didn't want to go out with him because I am going out with _someone else_.

"He's just too much like a brother to me."

"But I thought you said you liked him." This was awful. Why couldn't this conversation just end already?

"Well, I don't." My tone was getting a little more defensive than necessary but she was pushing this too much.

"Did something happen?" Yeah, I realized that I was in love with a girl instead. Too bad I couldn't say that.

"No I just don't understand why you care about this more than I do."

"Okay, okay, I'll mind my own business," she said, finally giving up on this discussion.

"Thank you." I looked behind my mom to find that the other side of the couch was unoccupied. Alex must have left at some point during the conversation. I got up without saying anything else to my mom and went towards my room. When I opened the door she was sitting at the foot of my bed. I shut it behind me and she finally looked up. "Hey, sorry about my mom she just-" My apology was interrupted when Alex got up and pressed her lips hard against mine. Her hands went to either side of my face and she pushed me back until I hit the door. I reached behind me and locked it, knowing she would freak out if she thought one of my parents was coming in. She moved her hands to the back of my legs and lifted me up, quickly carrying me to my bed. She let go and fell on top of me, straddling my waist. My breathing was getting heavier as she pulled away and reattached her lips to my jaw line. She kissed down my neck until she hit my collarbone. "Ah, fuck." I hissed in pain and pushed her off of me.

"What's wrong? Are you okay?" she asked, suddenly worried. I sat up and pressed down on my neck with my hand.

"Yeah I'm fine it's just my neck. You gotta be careful Alex; it might be getting better but it still stings a lot." I shut my eyes tightly as I tried to ignore it. Once the pain started to subside I opened my eyes again and Alex was looking at me carefully. It hurt but I didn't want her to feel bad about it. "What was that, anyway? It kinda came out of nowhere."

"I don't know, I just…I didn't really want to hear about you going out with other people and-"

"Alex, you _know_ that date meant nothing. My mom is just crazy; she's just always wanted me to go out with Zach even though I keep telling her it's never going to happen."

"I know but that's just it, Mitch. Your mom has been wanting you to go out with Zach practically since you met him…in kindergarten."

"But it doesn't matter what she wants. She can't choose for me, you know. I don't care who she wants me to be with. The only thing I want is you. Why don't you get that?" She crawled up to sit next to me and took my hand in hers.

"Because I can't believe that you'd actually want to be with me knowing how complicated everything is going to be."

"Well, believe it. I don't want to be with Zach or Eric or anyone. I want to be with _you_. Forget about everything else. We'll figure it all out on the way." She sighed while lying down and I moved to lie with her.

"Have I ever told you how much I love you?"

"Mmm, not since this morning." She smiled and kissed our still intertwined fingers.

"I love you, more than you'll ever know." I don't know how I went so long without realizing how I felt about her. Looking back now it seemed obvious from the start that this was more than just friendship. And I know she's right when she says things are going to be complicated at times but as long as I have her here with me I'd face anything that comes our way. I'd do anything for her.

"I love you too."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Take Tomorrow (One Day At A Time) by Butch Walker**


	2. Think Twice

**A/N: Next chapter is the 'new one' for those of you who read 1 & 2 as 26 & 27 in The Push And Pull. Read&Review.**

****Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.****

* * *

><p>2. Think Twice<p>

_When I showed up and he was there  
>I tried my best to grin and bear<br>And took the stairs but didn't stop at the street  
>And as we speak I'm going down<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I could feel her eyes on me; she's been staring at me the whole time. Normally I wouldn't point it out because she is always looking at me. It never bothers me. It amuses me actually, flatters me even, but I know she isn't looking at me out of adoration like she usually is. Not this time. I wouldn't call it a stare really it's more like a glare. She doesn't seem too thrilled and it's so sad because I know why she's looking at me like this but I can't really do anything about it, not from here anyway.

We were in our math class and our seats were recently rearranged so now Alex sat all the way on the opposite end of the room from me. I sat in the row near the door towards the back and Zach sat in front of me. She wasn't exactly happy about moving away from me and she was even more displeased when she found out that Zach was closer to my seat. Yes, she still has a problem with Zach. Why? I honestly do not know.

I have told her probably about a million and one times that Zach doesn't like me like that and the date was not real. She is convinced that he secretly does have feelings for me though but I can't get her to believe me. He has even tried telling her that it meant nothing and that she was being ridiculous but she is even more stubborn than I am. Now every time she sees me talking to him or sitting with him she thinks something is going on. We have only been going out for like…two days and she is already getting jealous.

I would say that her jealousy is cute but given the circumstances it's just unnecessary. I mean, it's good to know that she would be upset if I was flirting with someone else or if someone else was flirting with me but in this case neither of those things is happening. She just needs to calm down and realize that even if Zach _did_ like me I wouldn't care because I don't want to be with him. I don't think I can convince her enough even though she is my girlfriend.

"Does she still hate me?"

"She doesn't hate you, Zach." He stared at me for a short while, unconvinced. "Okay maybe a little, but I told her she is being crazy."

"I knew she was gonna get mad at me for asking you out but I didn't think she'd hold it against me forever."

"It's only been two days."

"Whatever, do you see her trying to strangle me with her eyes?" he asked and I turned to my left to see Alex still staring at us. She didn't try to pretend like she wasn't but her eyes did soften upon seeing mine. I turned back to Zach and I sighed. "I already said I was sorry. I know it wasn't the best idea but it's not like I can undo it. And it worked! Why is she so mad?"

"Because she's Alex, what did you expect? I tried talking to her but she won't listen. But don't worry I'll try again."

"God, she's dumb." I smacked the back of his head and he looked at me like I lost my mind.

"Don't look at me like that you deserved it."

"Uh huh, quick question, are you the guy in the relationship?" he asked almost completely seriously and I smacked him again.

"Sometimes I don't know why I still talk to you." He smacked me back but not as hard. I was about to hit him again when our teacher stopped our little back-and-forth we had going on. I apologized and glared at Zach who was holding in laughter. I really wanted to hit him again. I shook my head and looked to the other side of the room where Alex was. She was still looking at me but I could tell she wasn't happy. I tried to offer a smile but she just turned her attention back to the blackboard.

"If you ask me, I think she's too sensitive," Zach whispered without moving in his seat.

"I didn't ask you."

"Well aren't you a ray of sunshine today."

"Back off, I had a rough morning."

"Trouble in paradise already?" I glanced over to the girl sitting in the back corner mindlessly writing in her notebook. I briefly wondered if she was actually taking notes or just drawing to distract herself from…well, me.

"No…not _exactly_. When we're alone we're fine. But around…certain people…"

"Certain people meaning your parents?"

"Yeah, she just gets…uncomfortable."

"I take it you haven't told them yet." I shook my head. I obviously didn't want to lie to them forever but I didn't know how they would react. It doesn't help that when Alex came out to her parents her mom became abusive and her dad left her and never spoke to her again. The bell rang signaling the end of the period and I walked with Zach to my locker. "Do you plan on telling them?" I started putting my books away and faced him.

"Well yeah I do. I mean, I want to eventually but I just don't know when would be a good time to tell them. I don't like lying to them and I don't like that I have to hide my relationship with Alex," I said bringing my voice down to a hushed whisper at the end. "Not just from them but from everyone."

"Do you want my opinion?"

"Yes, please, tell me what to do."

"I don't think there is ever going to be a good time. No parent is prepared for their kid to tell them that."

"Hiding it is a lot harder than I thought it would be. Like, we finally get together after all this time and now we have to act like we're still only best friends." He put a sympathetic hand on my shoulder.

"Well…sucks to be you Mitch." Not _that_ sympathetic I guess. I rolled my eyes and that's when I noticed Alex standing next to me. She shifted on her feet while looking between me and Zach. He dropped his hand and nodded, acknowledging her.

"Hey guys," she said only slightly awkwardly. I could tell she was trying to be nice and hide her annoyance.

"I'm gonna go to my locker for a sec, I'll see you guys at lunch?" he asked somewhat hopefully. He probably didn't know if Alex wanted him around or not.

"Okay." I had to admit I was actually a little shocked that Alex didn't say no or say some snarky remark to him. I'm also really relieved. The last thing I wanted was for my two best friends to fight with each other. He headed to the opposite end of the hall leaving Alex and I alone. I turned back to my locker to put my last book away when I felt Alex hug me from behind. Her arms settled around my waist and she put her head on the back of my shoulder.

"Uh…Alex…"

"The halls are empty." She let me go and rested her back against the locker next to mine. I slammed it shut and saw her staring at me again.

"This needs to stop."

"What? I can't even hug you in school?"

"Of course you can but you know that's not what I was talking about."

"No I don't." I rolled my eyes again and just started walking away from her. If she was going to keep this up then I didn't want to deal with it. A gentle hand grabbed my wrist and pulled me back and I saw that Alex's expression had changed. "Okay, fine, I know what you're talking about."

"You have no reason to be like this. You're acting stupid."

"So now I'm stupid?"

"No, I said you're _acting_ stupid. This is insane. Zach really thinks you hate him."

"I don't care."

"Well do you care that it upsets me?" She mumbled and groaned and slid down the lockers until she sat on the floor with her knees bent. I studied her for a few seconds before I joined her. "Do you really not trust me, Alex?"

"No of course I do, I just…"

"What's going on? You've never been this insecure or possessive, even before." She put her head in one of her hands, resting on her knee.

"I don't know Mitch. It's like before I couldn't get worked up over anything because we weren't together but now…it's not going to stop because no one knows. I trust you, I really do…it's everyone else I don't trust. And I can't do anything about it without everyone finding out." I could tell how frustrated she was just by the tone in her voice and I honestly felt bad. I know her behavior is irritating at times but it's kind of understandable.

"Is that why you're giving Zach so much attitude?" I asked curiously and she looked at me. "He's the only one who knows so he's the only one you can get mad at." I knew I was right but I wasn't angry. Sure, it would be nice if she would just lay off, especially since I cannot tell her enough that I love Zach like a brother and nothing more, but it's not like she's doing this to hurt me. She averted her eyes and I pulled her hand away from her face and she laid her head on my shoulder.

"I feel like all I'm doing lately is apologizing. I'm wondering when it's going to be too much and saying sorry isn't going to fix it."

"Didn't I tell you to stop worrying? And this whole ordeal with everyone else, it'll pass."

"I can't help it. And you say that now but I see the way some people look at you. I don't like that I'm not the only that can look at you like that. And I can't even do it when people are around because they'll get suspicious. I wish we could just come right out and tell everyone."

"Well you sure did a one-eighty in the past twenty four hours. Are you saying you don't want to keep it a secret?"

"I'm saying I wish it were easier."

"Well…I hate to break it to you but you're not exactly making it any easier."

"Ugh, I know," she whined and buried her head in her arms. I checked the clock in the middle of the hall and noticed that almost half the lunch period has already passed. Zach is probably still waiting for us. Or he just thinks that we decided not to meet up with him. I stood up and tugged on her hands to pull her up with me but she wouldn't budge.

"C'mon Alex we're going to miss lunch and I actually _want_ to eat," I told her and that seemed to get her attention. She looked at me weirdly. I kneeled down in front of her. "Hey, what's up?"

"I'm sorry."

"It's okay."

"Do you still love me even though I'm difficult and annoying?" I smiled.

"Sure, why not." I looked around us and saw that the halls were still completely empty. Even though there was no one in sight I didn't want to risk anyone seeing us. It's only the first day being together at school but I still wanted to kiss her when I wanted to. On the bright side, everyone knew we were …touchy-feely kind of best friends, so we don't have to worry about that. "Let's go see if we can find Zach in the cafeteria. And I meant what I said about wanting to eat. I'm surprisingly not nauseas today, so come on, lazy." I tried pulling her up again and this time she complied and got off of the floor.

"Fine I _guess_ I can make nice with him."

"You guess?"

"I'll try but I make no promises." We walked side by side into the cafeteria and I spotted Zach sitting at a nearby table with Eric. Alex touched my arm and my eyes moved back to her. "I'll go get food and come find you guys. You want anything in particular?"

"Not really, anything's fine." She leaned in slightly like she was going to kiss my cheek but hesitated before smiling awkwardly and heading toward the few people in the lunch line. I walked over to the table Zach was sitting at and I took a seat across from him and next to Eric.

"There you are. What took you so long?" he asked after swallowing his food.

"Sorry I was talking with Alex."

"_Sure_ you were," he said suggestively while wiggling his eyebrows. I kicked him underneath the table as hard as I could. "Ow!"

"I haven't seen you in a while Mitch. Where have you been?" Eric asked as he nudged my arm.

"Nowhere really."

**Alex's POV**

Coming to lunch later than everyone else sucks because all the good food is gone. The way the cafeteria works in this school is so stupid. They just stop making food after a certain point and whatever is left is the crap people don't want. There's another lunch period after this one so I don't know why they don't just keep making more food. I looked around each section; the salads, the sandwiches, the pizzas, etc. Everything looked awful. I didn't want to bring Mitchie back something unappetizing when she's already struggling to eat anyway.

The only pizza left was pepperoni or mushroom. Mitchie doesn't like pepperoni and she's allergic to mushrooms. The salads were gone and the sandwiches at this school were terrible. I wandered over to the next section and settled on French fries. They didn't look soggy like they normally do so I grabbed two and headed to the fridge. I took an iced tea and a diet soda before going to the register to pay for everything.

I carried everything on a tray to the table Mitchie was at. As I was approaching I noticed two other people sitting with her, Zach and…ugh, Eric. Sitting with Zach was bad enough but did _he_ have to be there too. And _of course_ he was sitting next to her. God forbid I sit next to my girlfriend. When I got closer I realized that they were engaged in conversation and he was staring at her with these gross, lovesick eyes; I just wanted to punch him in the mouth. Zach was sitting there eating and not caring what they were talking about. Eh, he's not _that_ bad.

I took a seat next Zach and set the tray down in front of me. I handed the soda to Mitchie but she was still talking to Eric. I don't think she realized that I was even there. I put the bottle down and Zach looked over at me kind of weirdly. He probably knew I was aggravated that Eric was here and even more aggravated that he was flirting with her right in front of me.

"I was hoping you'd get here soon," Zach said after finishing the food on his tray.

"You weren't afraid that I'd try to kill you while you weren't looking?" I joked and he let out a nervous laugh. "I'm kidding."

"So…you're not mad at me anymore?" I didn't really need to think about it much. I knew I was pissed off at him but I couldn't hold a grudge against him forever.

"No I'm not…besides, if I wasn't talking to you who else would help me murder this douche?" I said quietly while nodding in Eric's direction. He laughed louder and that caught Mitchie's attention and she finally became aware of me sitting here.

"Oh Alex you're back," she said cheerfully and reached for the soda and fries on my tray. "Wow the fries actually look edible today."

"Yeah that's what I was thinking. So what was going on before I got here?" I asked not wanting her to fall back into conversation with Eric.

"Well I was trying to tell Mitchie that my parents are leaving again so I'll probably have another party sometime at the end of the month."

"Oh yay! Maybe _both_ of us will die at this one," I said sarcastically.

"What? Oh c'mon you guys haven't been to the last three or four parties I had."

"Well _I'm sorry_ but I was handicapped and on painkillers for a couple months. Weed and alcohol would have probably killed me."

"I was in a coma," Mitchie added in.

"Alright fine you had legitimate reasons but I expect you guys to come this time."

"I wasn't kidding before. Something bad always happens."

"That's because you guys are drama magnets."

"No I think your house is cursed."

"I think you're an idiot." I punched him in his shoulder and he shouted in pain before shouting again.

"Ow OW Mitch stop kicking me!" he yelled and I looked at her to see her looking at him sternly. I didn't even know she kicked him. I smiled at the fact that she got mad at him for insulting me. "So you guys coming or what?"

"We'll see," I answered for us and Eric turned to Mitchie.

"You should come you guys haven't hung out in forever," he said to both of us but I could tell he was really only talking to her.

"Alright fine we'll go," she said and he practically beamed at her. He couldn't have tried harder to contain his excitement.

"Yeah that's my girl!" he shouted and threw his arm around her and I gritted my teeth. _His_ girl? Oh hell no, she is not his girl. She's _my _girl. I balled my fist under the table so hard my knuckles practically turned white. My fingernails dug into the palms of my hands and I'm surprised steam wasn't coming out of my ears. I swear if he didn't take his hand off of her within the next second I was going to climb over the table and rip his throat out.

"Alex!" I stopped my internal tirade and looked over to Mitchie. I didn't hear them talking to me this whole time.

"What?"

"You alright?"

"Yeah I'm fine," I lied and Eric started talking to her again, his arm still around her. I was staring daggers at him when Zach subtly cleared his throat to get my attention.

"Stare a little harder I don't think you're being obvious enough," he whispered and I unclenched my fists. He probably didn't even need to whisper; it's not like they were paying attention to anything else.

"It's only obvious to you because you know." He shrugged and turned back to Mitchie and Eric.

"So Mitch, I heard you went on a date with Zach over the weekend," Eric said randomly and I almost choked on my iced tea. I tend to choke a lot at the mention of that.

"Uh…" This could not be happening again. "Yeah…"

"Is that why you never went out with me?" No, she never went out with you because you're a dumb piece of shit.

"What?"

"I'm kidding." He was joking but I still wanted to slap him.

"Oh." Mitchie seemed almost as uncomfortable as me…_almost_.

"How did you even know about that?" Zach asked confused. "I didn't even tell anyone."

"Jimmy was eating dinner with his family and saw you guys at the restaurant together. And you're stupid. If I was going on a date with Mitchie I'd tell everyone." Oh this is so awkward. Mitchie bit her lip and shut her eyes.

"I'll remember that for next time. Ow! I didn't mean it! God damn it guys my leg's going to be black and blue by the end of the day." I guess Mitchie kicked him too.

"Wow you must be a terrible kisser." I paused as I was about to put a fry in my mouth and widened my eyes. Mitchie and Zach shared the same expression. They were quick to respond.

"We didn't."

"That didn't happen."

"No."

"No way."

"No."

"No." They kept going back and forth denying that they kissed and I know they were just doing that to ease my nerves. Eric just looked like he didn't believe them.

"The date was nothing, we don't like each other like that…and never will," Zach said sternly to make sure he understood him. At that Eric smiled, probably thinking he still had a chance. I hate him so much. And can he take his arm off of her already! Why wasn't Mitchie doing anything about that? I spent the rest of the lunch period staring at his hand wishing I could do something but I couldn't. I can't do anything. The bell finally rang and I grabbed my tray and tossed it in the trash and left without saying anything to anyone.

As much as I tried not to, I pretty much ignored Mitchie the rest of the day. I didn't have her in any class after lunch except for last period but I still avoided seeing her in the halls in between classes. I know she didn't really do anything but seeing her and Eric during lunch made me want to throw up. And the fact that she didn't do anything to stop it just made me mad at her. Did she not even care how it might make me feel? Or did she not even notice what was going on?

All my classes dragged on and I actually dreaded last period which is weird because I usually looked forward to it. Considering it was my only other class with Mitchie I loved going to history, even if Mr. Rivera is a grade A asshole. I didn't want to face Mitchie because I know she is going to chew me out for ignoring her. I also just didn't want talk to her. I knew I would have to eventually though. I mean, we _did_ live together. I could just go to my house after school but I knew I was just being ridiculous. I wasn't going to avoid her forever.

When I walked into class Frank was arguing with the teacher like he does almost every day. He and some girl always switch seats because he wants to sit next to Jimmy and she would rather sit where he is supposed to. Sometimes he lets them get away with it but today he sounded like he was annoyed. Eventually he gave up and Frank convinced him to just them permanently switch seats. How anyone can convince Mr. Rivera to do _anything_ is beyond me so kudos to Frank for making the impossible happen.

Mitchie was already in her seat and was watching me move to the back the entire time. I tried not to look at her and just quietly take my seat to her right. When I didn't say anything to her she called my name but I still didn't want to talk to her. She tried a couple more times before she got fed up and kicked me in my leg to get my attention. Thank God it wasn't my right leg or that would have hurt.

"What?" I asked like I had no idea why she just hit me.

"Don't 'what' me. This cold shoulder of yours is getting really old. Do you want to actually tell me what I did wrong?" she asked, clearly pissed off.

"I'm not giving you the cold shoulder." I'm really bad at lying. I should work on that.

"Bullshit. You've been ignoring me since lunch. Look, I know you don't like it when someone brings up the date and I told you that Zach-"

"Mitch I believe you. I believed you when you said you didn't kiss him and I'm not mad at Zach."

"So you're just mad at _me_. For what?"

"I don't want to talk about this now," I said curtly and she narrowed her eyes at me.

"This is about Eric isn't it?" My blood boiled at the mention of his name and I wanted to break my desk in half. I think Mitchie could tell how mad I was getting. "When are you ever going to let this whole Eric thing go?"

"This isn't about him liking you. I obviously can't do anything about it if guys want you but you don't have to let them put their hands on you."

"What are you talking about?"

"_They_ might not know about us but _you_ do. And the fact that you don't even care that you let it happen while I'm sitting right in front of you is what upsets me the most." She seemed confused and that alone made me want to get up and just leave the classroom. She thought for a few seconds and then realization washed over her features.

"Alex I didn't even notice he was doing it. He always does that so I'm just used to it I guess I don't even realize it anymore."

"That doesn't make it okay. How would you like it if I let guys touch me in front of you all the time?"

"Okay now you're exaggerating. It wasn't _that_ bad. He just put his arm around me." She just doesn't get it.

"That's not the point Mitchie."

"Girls, shut up in the back or detention for both of you," Mr. Rivera yelled at us and I stopped talking. I didn't want to get in trouble again and I sure as hell didn't want to continue talking to Mitchie if she was going to continue to think she did nothing wrong. She tried to talk to me again but I stopped paying attention to her.

"Leave me alone, Mitch."

"Fine, don't talk to me but can you please meet me at my locker after school?" I brought my focus back to my notes and decided that maybe if I actually took notes the period would go by faster. Mitchie finally stopped trying to get me to talk to her and I almost felt bad for snapping at her. I shouldn't though. I had every right to be mad.

When the bell rang she got up before I did and I took my time. I know she wants me to go with her but I really didn't want to deal with this. After she left I got up and walked to my locker slower than usual. I didn't plan on meeting her like she asked me to but when I reached my locker I found her standing there waiting for me. Either I'm a lot slower than I thought or Mitchie is a lot smarter than I thought. I acted like she wasn't even there and I started opening my locker.

"I knew you wouldn't listen so I came here instead." Damn it she is smart.

"Clever."

"Alright Alex I get it. You're right and I'm sorry, okay? I should have done something and I should have known it would upset you. I didn't mean it. I hate that I hurt you and I hate that you're so mad at me that you won't even look at me." Her voice sounded like it was on the verge of breaking and I finally willed myself to face her. The pleading look in her eyes were enough to convince me that she meant what she was saying. Maybe I was too hard on her. I didn't want her to feel _this_ bad about it. I sighed and shut the door. Just as I opened my mouth to talk I was shoved against my locker. My back slammed against it, emitting a loud noise that echoed throughout the halls, and I felt a pair of lips press harshly into mine. Hands gripped me my face a little too roughly and my ears were ringing. I didn't respond but I didn't have to because before I knew it I was released.

"I'm really getting tired of you avoiding me Alex." I finally opened my eyes after recovering from shock to see Nate standing in front of me looking slightly pissed but wearing that stupid smirk of his. "See you around, babe." He forcefully patted my cheek twice before walking off and I bit my lip so hard I thought I was going to break skin. I didn't even want to see the girl standing next to me.

"Shit."

"Well…that's just…great. You were right. How dare I let a guy touch me right in front of you? What was I thinking?"

"Mitch…"

"And here _I _thought that _I _was the one doing something wrong."

"Mitchie,"

"And yet here _you_ are with your _boyfriend_."

"Mitchie, I-"

"And you actually had the nerve to make _me_ feel guilty." Her voice was calm but it was slowly rising. She didn't look mad and that scared me the most. When she looks completely fine but keeps getting louder is when she's the angriest. She started walking away and I knew I had to do something.

"Mitchie please wait." She turned around but kept walking backwards.

"I'll see you at home Alex." She turned back and headed to the school's main entrance and left. I smacked my forehead and ran my hand through my hair. I can't believe this is happening to me. I regret the day I ever agreed to go out with Nate. I know I need to break up with him but I am actually terrified of what's going to happen if I do that. And I _know _I hurt Mitchie and she has every right to be mad at me. I don't know how I'm going to fix this but I do know one thing.

I am in so much fucking trouble.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Think Twice by Eve 6**


	3. Whatever It Takes

**A/N 1: Here we go. Now that everything is less confusing I have the new chapter. I'm done making excuses I'm just going to try and update as much as I possibly can. I hope you enjoy. Let me know what you think.**

****Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.****

* * *

><p>3. Whatever It Takes<p>

_A strangled smile fell from your face  
>It kills me that I hurt you this way<br>The worst part is that I didn't even know  
>Now there's a million reasons for you to go<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

"Relax a little Mitch you look like you think I'm trying to murder you or something." Her eyes were glued to the floor of the car and her hand was gripping the door handle as if she were going to jump out any second. She's getting better at this but it's definitely still a work in progress. I never even thought for a second that she would get in a car with me again but here we are. It's little by little every day she's working on it but it didn't exactly start out as baby steps. First I had to convince her to not hate me so she would actually go anywhere with me.

_Flashback (Two Weeks Ago)_

_I saw her getting in the car with Zach as I walked outside of the school. I cursed under my breath and started heading for Mitchie's house. Of course on foot I am a lot slower than a car so she was going to be home before I was. I don't even know what I'm going to say to her when I see her. How do I explain what just happened? Sorry I forgot to tell you I never broke up with my boyfriend but we're still good, right? I'd be pissed at me too._

_I ran the whole way home, ignoring the weird looks I got from random people on the street as I barely dodged them. When I reached her apartment I wasted no time and hurried up the stairs to the fourth floor. The door was unlocked and I ran in and went straight to her room where I knew she would be. Out of breath, I opened the door and saw her lying down on her side. I closed the door and she turned to look at me._

"_How the hell did you get here so fast?" she asked completely stunned. For a second I almost forgot she was mad at me. I tried to answer her but when I opened my mouth all I did was gasp for air. I didn't realize how winded I was after running here._

"_I ran," I managed to say in the middle of trying to catch my breath. She got up and came next to me and put a steadying hand on my arm before I almost fell over._

"_You ran all the way here from school? Are you insane?" she asked a little angrily but I couldn't tell if it was just because of what happened with Nate or because she was actually worried for my health._

"_I must be."_

"_Can you please sit down before you pass out?" I nodded and practically stumbled trying to get to the foot of the bed. I panted and breathed deeply for about another minute before I felt my body returning to normal._

"_You feel better?" she asked sounding genuinely concerned which perplexed me a little but I nodded again anyway. "Good." I felt a sharp sting burning my left cheek. It happened so fast I almost didn't comprehend that she had slapped me until I saw the cold look in her eyes. I rubbed the spot where she hit me but it still hurt._

"_I deserved that."_

"_You're damn right you deserved it."_

"_Mitchie please can you just hear me out?"_

"_Why should I? Give me one good reason why I should even stay with you."_

"_Because I love you! And because I never meant for that to happen."_

"_Oh so you just meant to continue dating the both of us at the same time…but not kiss him."_

"_No it's not like that."_

"_Then what is it like, Alex? You can't just go out with two people and expect one of them to not get hurt. Why don't I just make it easier for you," she said bitterly and I quickly stood back up._

"_No, Mitchie please don't do this. I'm sorry. I can't say it enough but I'm sorry. I know I should have broken up with him but-"_

"_But what? This is so stupid I can't believe I am actually arguing with you about this! You shouldn't be having such a hard time with it. It's not like you're in love with him too."_

"_No I'm not. Of course I'm not and I don't want you to ever think that I am. I love you and only you and I want to be with only you it's just-"_

"_Don't tell me it's complicated because what's the worst that could possibly happen?"_

"_I could die?" I pointed out and she narrowed her eyes at me._

"_All the more reason to stay with him right? He treats you like shit and hurts you while you're together, what would be the difference?" I knew she had a point but I had to make her understand me. She just doesn't know him like I do._

"_You don't get it Mitch."_

"_What's to get? All I'm getting from this is that you're cheating on me and you don't plan on stopping." Her words cut me like a knife and I hated admitting it but she was right. I was cheating on her and I was doing the one thing I swore that I would never do. I was hurting her. The tears building up in my eyes couldn't be contained anymore._

"_Mitchie I know there is nothing I could say to make this right or to make you not hate me but…I just can't." In an instant her expression changed from upset to just plain furious._

"_You don't know what to say to make things better but you sure know what to say to make things worse," she spat and started walking away from me. I wasn't about to let her go though. I grabbed her arm, maybe a little too roughly but I couldn't help it; I was frantic._

"_No, please don't go."_

"_Alex. Get off of me." Her voice was hard but I refused to let go. I grabbed her other arm as well and pushed her onto the bed. She tried getting up but I sat on her. "I mean it. Get off."_

"_Not until you listen to me!"_

"_I listened. It's done. Let me go. Now." I kept her arms pinned on the bed and she struggled under my weight to break free._

"_Please Mitchie just stop for a second and let me explain." As hard as I tried to keep her where she was she sat up and forcefully shoved me off of her. I hit the floor and she got up from the bed and started pacing. I watched her carefully for about two seconds before I noticed she was taking deep breaths. I quickly realized what was going on and now I felt even worse. "Shit, Mitch I'm sorry." I walked over to her and softly put my hand on her shoulder. "Are you okay?" She shrugged me off of her and moved away again._

"_Just…don't touch me." I let her be for a short while before she turned around and faced me again._

"_I'm sorry…for everything. I never meant to hurt you. I want to break up with Nate, you know I do, I'm just afraid."_

"_I know you are. You think he's going to kill you."_

"_No not just that. Sure, he might do something to me but…he might do something to you too. And I would do anything to make sure he doesn't."_

"_What are you talking about?"_

"_You remember that party at Zach's, the one where you almost drowned?"_

"_Vaguely. I only remember what you told me."_

"_Yeah, that was the night we first…you know."_

"_Okay, what's your point?"_

"_He knew! He knew what we did and with all the time we've been spending together he's gonna put two and two together if I break up with him. If he gets mad, which he probably will, he might out us to everyone or worse, he…he might hurt you."_

"_Alex-"_

"_He's hurt you before Mitch; I can't let that happen again." I sat on the floor and put my head in my hands. I felt like I couldn't breathe anymore. "I swear to you I want to do it and I'm going to but-"_

"_I believe you." I looked up and saw her staring at me._

"_What?"_

"_I said I believe you. And…I get where you're coming from but it doesn't make it hurt any less."_

"_I know and I promise I'm going to break up with him. I just…I need some time." She looked like she was actually going to go along with this._

"_Okay, fine." She didn't sound too happy. I wondered if it was a trap or something._

"_What…really?"_

"_Yes really. You obviously have already made up your mind and you don't plan on doing it any time soon so I guess I can't do anything about it now can I?" No, she definitely wasn't happy._

"_You're mad." That was probably a stupid thing to say because she looked at me like I was an idiot. Maybe I am._

"_Of course I'm mad Alex; you know you would be too." Damn it, she was right again._

"_Mitch-"_

"_Don't. I forgive you."_

"_You…you do?"_

"_Yes. I don't know why. But I do." I came up to her and took her hands into mine. I cannot believe she actually forgave me for this. I swear I am the luckiest person in the world. I don't even think I would have forgiven me._

"_Thank you. I love you so much Mitch," I told her and leaned in to kiss her but she turned her head and my lips landed on her cheek. I should have seen that coming._

"_But you're on thin ice."_

"_I figured. I swear I'm going to make this up to you."_

_End Flashback_

Two weeks later and I am still trying to make it up to her. I mean, I did a little bit but I know she's still mad. How do I figure that? Easy…I still haven't broken up with Nate. Why? Because I'm obviously stupid. We don't bring him or the situation up, ever. We don't like talking about it because we just end up fighting. So to avoid fighting we made an unofficial agreement that we will just ignore it for the time being. I can see it in her eyes though; I'm still hurting her.

She doesn't hate me though, or so she claims…because I have asked her multiple times. And that was the first step. I wanted to help her and that was going to be hard to do with her hating me. As a way to make it up to her I wanted to take her out on a real date. We never have the chance to actually be a couple and I wanted to be alone with her for once. I wanted to be able to go out with her and not be afraid to hold her hand or kiss her or openly tell her how much I love her. Only problem though…she won't get in a car with me. That and the fear of running into someone we know. Okay, so there are two problems. Whatever.

After getting her to be less mad at me, I needed to be able to get her in a car with me again. I figured that if I can accomplish this then we can go on a proper date and she could get over her fears as well: win-win. My method was…not the best, to be honest but it was the first thing I thought of so I just went with it. I knew trying to talk her into it would take forever so I went a different route.

_Flashback (One Week Ago)_

_I knew what I was going to do was risky but I had to at least try. I was watching her from her bed where I was lying down. She was in her computer chair writing, homework or something, I don't know. It was only 7:30 and her parents were out so we were home alone. Normally when we were left alone we would actually spend time together but tonight we were just doing nothing. I planned on changing that real soon._

"_Hey, Mitch?" She hummed in response without turning to look at me. "You wanna go out?"_

"_We're already going out, Alex," she pointed out jokingly and I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see it._

"_Funny. I mean do you wanna go out somewhere tonight?" I asked and she finally spun her chair around to face me._

"_You mean like a date?" She sounded both skeptical and intrigued; I took it as a good sign and sat up._

"_Yes. I want to take my girlfriend out on a date." She smiled but it didn't last too long._

"_But Alex, you know that-"_

"_Yes, yes, I know. Um, we'll…walk…somewhere," I offered and she smiled again._

"_Okay." I didn't like lying to her but she'll thank me for this one day…I hope._

"_Yeah?" She nodded and I smiled too. "Good, now go get dressed, nothing fancy." I got up and gave her a quick kiss before heading for the door. "See you in a bit, babe."_

_My plan was beyond ridiculous and I wouldn't be surprised if she slapped me again. There was an extraordinarily high chance that this plan would fail and/or backfire but I'll deal with the consequences. And if this didn't work I could always come up with different ideas to get her to go somewhere with me. She couldn't be afraid forever._

_I quickly changed into a different shirt and put my shoes on, not bothering to dress up because I didn't plan on going anywhere upscale. I just wanted to go out for a nice, simple dinner. Mitchie doesn't really like big, expensive things anyway but that doesn't mean I'm never going to take her somewhere nice. But for now, simple is good._

_After I finished getting ready I waited for her in the living room. A few minutes later Mitchie emerged from her room and even though she wasn't all dolled up she still took my breath away. She could be wearing a garbage bag and I would still think she looks beautiful. She just has something about her that makes her so pretty without even trying. I stood up and just stared at her._

"_You ready?" she asked but I was still too caught up in admiring her to answer. "Alex?" I snapped out of my trance and realized she was talking to me._

"_Sorry, I was just…" I trailed off and she smirked at me._

"_Staring at me? And you were going to tell me how beautiful I look and that you love me?" she teased as she moved towards me, making my breath hitch a little. I think I'm becoming predictable._

"_Oh, you know me so well Mitch. And you don't look beautiful." Her face fell a little and she looked like she was getting insecure. I put my hands on her waist and pulled her closer. "You _are _beautiful, inside and out." She blushed and put her head down, trying to hide it._

"_I love you."_

"_I love you too." I moved my hands to wrap around her shoulders and I kissed the top of her head. "Now c'mon let's go. I have a…surprise…for you." She pulled back and raised an eyebrow._

"_Oh really now?"_

"_Yes." Well she was definitely going to be surprised. We headed out of her apartment and down the stairs. When we got outside I saw my car parked a couple spaces over and we were walking in that direction. As soon as we reached it I stopped in my tracks and since I was holding Mitchie's hand she stopped too._

"_What are you doing?" she asked, confused and I braced myself for what could possibly turn into a physical fight._

"_We're, um…we're here," I said awkwardly with a slightly innocent smile on my face._

"_You said we were walking." She crossed her arms against her chest and I could just feel her getting mad._

"_We are walking…to my car."_

"_Alex!"_

"_Come on Mitch it's going to be fine. Just get in." I unlocked the car and opened the door for her but she just stayed where she was, not moving._

"_I'm not doing this." I knew she would say no. I had more to my plan though. This is where things got…unorthodox._

"_Oh yes you are." I walked into her and she moved backwards until her back met with my car._

"_Alex, stop it." She held the door and the side of the car as I tried to push her in the passenger seat._

"_Get in the car." She tried pushing me back but I wouldn't let her._

"_No!" With one final shove she moved me out of her way and started walking past me. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back but she was being difficult._

"_Get in the car Michelle." She struggled a little more before I bent down and wound my arms around her legs and lifted her off the ground. She screamed, not caring that people probably thought that she was being kidnapped._

"_Damn it Alex put me down!" I lifted her higher until she grabbed onto my shoulders to keep her balance._

"_You are getting in this car and we are going to go on our date." I walked her back over to my car and sat her down in the seat. She tried slapping my hands away from her but I reached over and clicked in her seatbelt and quickly shut the door before she could try to get out._

"_I'm going to kill you," I heard her shout from behind the window. I quickly went over to the other side and got in. When I closed my door I looked at her trying to get out._

"_Try all you want, the child locks are on." She huffed and groaned and slapped my arm repeatedly. "Just calm down."_

"_I hate you so much right now." She was glaring at me and I knew she was going to stay mad for a while for this._

"_Look, everything is fine; no sharp turns, no abrupt stops, and I won't go over the speed limit."_

"_I want to get out."_

"_You knew you were going to have to deal with this one day."_

"_Yeah, but not today. Alex I can't do this."_

"_Yes you can; it's like ripping off a band-aid, just relax." I put the car in drive and pulled away from the curb. I kept my speed steady so she wouldn't freak out but she was still breathing like someone was previously suffocating her. Her eyes were shut tight and she kept mumbling threats in my direction._

"_I can't believe you're making me do this."_

"_Keep complaining Mitch. I'll just purposely make a bunch of wrong turns so we get lost and then we'll be driving for _hours_."_

"_Don't talk to me," she snapped back, finally opening her eyes._

"_Well then…this is going to be one awkward date."_

_End Flashback_

It turned out better than I thought it would. She's still not completely okay with it but she is now more willing to at least try to be in a car with me. Of course at times, like right now, she has a hard time dealing but it's definitely an improvement. I don't have to force her into the car against her will anymore but I do have to do a lot of convincing, not like the first time.

She stayed mad at me the entire car ride and at one point she was almost reduced to tears thanks to some shit head behind me with a bad case of road rage. His honking and almost borderline reckless driving sent Mitchie into a panic and she begged me to pull over and let her out. I denied her requests and she spent the rest of the trip informing me of all the ways she wanted to end my life. It was amusing but also strange because her whole panic and anxiety disorder is because she thought I was dead.

It also didn't help that I drove her to a completely different town, driving for much longer than she would have preferred. Once we were deep in Long Island she calmed down a bit, most likely due to the lack of people on the road and in the area in general. We ended up at some Mexican restaurant that I knew about when my family used to have a summer house out here. Foreign food plus people that don't know us made for a great place for our first "official" date.

Thankfully my plan worked out in the end. Anxiety aside, Mitchie was happy and our night went perfectly. The ride back wasn't as bad as the ride there but she still didn't like that I forced her into it. She just needed that initial push. Like I told her, it was like ripping off a band-aid. We got through the hardest part, which brings us to where we are now: in my car once again. Only this time I was probably more nervous than she was. We weren't going out for a date. We were on our way to Zach's party.

This was actually Mitchie's idea. I tried to convince her to not go but she insisted. The last few times we went to a party at Zach's house it was a disaster. Sure we hooked up but it always ended badly for us. Mitchie got punched in the face and nearly drowned because of Nate. Also, the last one we went to practically killed us both in the long run. Our excessive fighting led us to the car accident. It's not all bad though. At least we're together now.

"Mitchie, are you okay?" She nodded her head slowly but I could tell she was just doing that to so I would stop asking.

"Yeah just…you _promise_ you're not going to drink anything tonight, right?" That was the deal we had; we're not drinking. Mitchie's on meds anyway so she can't have anything and I'm driving. She's nervous as it is; the last thing she needs is to worry about me driving her while I'm drunk.

"Yes I promise." That seemed to ease her nerves a bit but she still looked worried. I was worried for a different reason entirely. This is just my pessimistic personality trying to break through but I just feel like something bad is going to happen. Something bad _always_ happens to us. "You know we can just skip this," I tried to convince her but I don't think she planned on changing her mind.

"Why are you so against going?"

"Why do you want to go so badly? Is Eric going to be there?" I asked before I could even really process it in my mind. I so did not mean to say that out loud. Great, I am never going to hear the end of this.

"I don't know. Is your boyfriend going to be there?" she shot back almost instantly. Here we go again. I decided it would be best if I just kept my mouth shut. "You didn't break up with him yet, did you?"

"Look-"

"No it's fine. I like being lied to anyway. It's almost as if we're back to where we started in the beginning of the year." Did she have to bring that up? I know we had our share of problems before but I thought we could look past it now.

"Low blow, Mitch."

"Whatever. If you're just going to keep things from me again then go ahead." I could tell by her impassive tone that she was more pissed off than she was leading on.

"I'm not keeping things from you. I told you I need time. Are you ready for everyone at school to know about this?" She turned away from me and looked out the window.

"No."

"Then please give me a little longer to come up with something. I've been dodging him in school and he's been buying my excuses for not hanging out with him. And I _swear_ since we've been together I haven't done anything with him." She sighed loudly and I took that as her own personal way of ending our conversation. We continued driving the short distance to Zach's house in a somewhat awkward silence. After a few more minutes I pulled up to his block and parked my car. Mitchie tried to get out of the car as if it were going to spontaneously combust within seconds. I don't know if she was uncomfortable about being in the car or if she just really wanted to get away from me.

"Sweet Jesus Alex can you stop with the safety locks I'm not going to try and escape." I momentarily forgot that I still had those on. I was about to move but stopped myself and she just stared at me wondering why I wasn't helping her get out. "What?"

"Do you hate me?"

"And can you stop thinking that I hate you?" I leaned my head back and rubbed my eyes. "I don't hate you…I'm just tired of this."

"Of what?"

"Of fighting with you about Nate. This is getting ridiculous."

"I know. And I know it's my fault but-"

"I know. You're trying to protect me." She slumped in her seat and put her head down.

"Yes. All while trying to keep my sanity."

"Welcome to my world." I moved my hands from my face and even in the dark of the night I could have sworn I caught a glimpse of a smile. I undid my seatbelt and leaned over the armrest. I didn't even want to try my luck so I moved up more, pushing a few stray hairs behind her ear, and kissed her temple. She turned fully and I was sure she was smiling.

"C'mon, let's head inside." I shut the engine off and got out of the car. I was only a few feet away from it when I realized that Mitchie wasn't following. "Mitch, what are you doing? Let's go." She rolled her eyes and for a second I thought she was mad at me again. She pointed to the door and said something but I couldn't hear it through the glass nor could I read her lips. "What?"

"Let me out!" she shouted and that time I heard her clearly and remembered that I had to unlock the door for her. When I opened it she lightly smacked my chest. "What am I, five?"

"Sorry, I forgot." She shook her head and grabbed my hand, leading us to the house. The warmth it brought was short-lived, however, because just as soon as it came, it left. We walked to the door hand in hand but separated as soon as we walked through it. I stifled a groan as we entered the party and Zach came over to us, shoving a beer can in my hands. "Not tonight." That was probably the most absurd thing he's ever heard.

"Is that a joke?" I dangled my keys hinting that I had to drive later. "What? That's stupid. Just stay the night. How can you not drink?"

"Shut up Zach. You should be glad you won't be put to shame by a couple of girls out-drinking you," Mitchie quipped earning a glare from her friend. He was about to retaliate with an insult of his own when Eric came out of the crowd in the living room and grabbed Mitchie by the hand. Oh how I wanted to break that hand.

"Finally you're here," he said as he started pulling her through the large mass of people. I practically growled as I watched my girlfriend get hauled off. She turned around briefly to give me a look that said both 'sorry' and 'I don't know what's going on'.

"No fights Alex," Zach warned but I couldn't tell if he was serious or not. He seemed like he has already had quite a few drinks but he was right.

"He's lucky I'm not drinking or I would probably kick his ass." He laughed and patted my back roughly.

"I know you would. And I'd love to see Eric getting fucked up by a girl."

"I bet."

"Don't worry. I'll keep an eye on them," he said before he took off in the same direction as they did, probably towards the kitchen or something. And now I'm alone. I was looking around the room full of people, recognizing almost everyone, when I felt someone grab my arm. I turned around and bit back a groan when I saw who it was.

"There you are Alex." That voice sent a shiver down my spine and raised goosebumps on my skin. That cocky smile made bile rise up in my throat. And those dark eyes made me wish I had never even left the house. Somebody please kill me.

* * *

><p><strong><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote:** Whatever It Takes by Lifehouse**


	4. Misery Business

**A/N 1: This update would have been a lot faster if that damn hurricane didn't knock my power out and then to top it all off my computer has a virus and it crashes every ten seconds. Thankfully I finished this before it got too serious but I have to fix my laptop before I can write the next one. So sorry for that. You may or may not hate me for this chapter but...read&review :). Love you guys. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>4. Misery Business<p>

_Well, there's a million other girls who do it just like you  
><em>_Looking as innocent as possible to get to who they want  
><em>_And what they like, it's easy if you do it right  
><em>_Well, I refuse_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I could hear my heart beating over the loud, blaring music echoing off the walls of the house. My palms were sweating and my throat was so dry it was almost constricting. The only other person that can make me feel anything like this is Mitchie which would make me question what's going on if only the feeling wasn't so unsettling. With Mitchie I welcome the feeling of my accelerated heartbeat and butterflies in my stomach. This, however, was unpleasant. These weren't butterflies making my stomach twist to knots. My heart wasn't racing because of love, but nerves. Fear, almost.

The hand on my arm was soft and inviting, practically comforting, but it was a lie. I knew better than to think anything of it. It was as deceitful as the eyes piercing my own with a look I haven't seen in a while. Mitchie never looks at me like this. Her eyes are kinder, real. The compassion in these eyes is only there to mask the true darkness behind them. I don't need any convincing of it. I only have eyes for Mitchie anyway.

"Hi Sam." My voice was low, showing little to no enthusiasm at this exchange. Her hand was still on my arm and I was growing more and more uncomfortable under her touch.

"I didn't think you would actually come tonight." Her voice was as soft as her hand but those were lies too. Lies I wouldn't fall for. Not again.

"I wasn't going to."

"I'm glad you did." The familiar scent of alcohol on her breath was clearly evident and mixed with the familiar scent of her perfume it unsettled me even more; I wish it wasn't so familiar. A blurred image of her half naked body underneath mine flashed in my head. My stomach turned madly.

"I'm not. This was Mitchie's idea. I'm not even drinking." For the first time since my 'sober for the night' policy started I was actually glad that I wasn't going to be drunk.

"Do you always do everything Mitchie tells you to do?" The gentleness of her voice was wavering and I could just barely hear jealousy leak through it.

"Coming here was her idea. Not drinking was mine," I informed her, not liking the condescending tone she was using when talking about Mitchie.

"Why?"

"I'm driving."

"Oh." A silence fell between us even though people were talking loudly over the music. I didn't fail to notice that she moved her hand from my arm to my hand. "Where is she anyway?"

"I actually don't know. I think she might be out back. I should, um…go find her." I tried to walk away but she kept her hold on me.

"No don't go. I'm sure she's fine wherever she is." I'm sure she is too. Well, she _is_ with Eric so naturally I didn't want her anywhere near him. But mostly I just didn't want to be here anymore…with _her._ I trust Eric more than I trust her. And that's saying a lot. The question is do I trust myself? You bet your fucking ass I do. I swore that her games will never work on me again.

"I don't know…"

"C'mon let's go to the kitchen." Before I had the chance to protest she started walking, pulling me along with her. Is it possible that I actually wish that I was dealing with Nate instead right now? I must be losing my mind. Upon walking into the kitchen I spotted Frank drunkenly yelling at someone sitting next to him. When he saw me he immediately stood up and came over.

"Yes finally! Someone who can actually keep up. Why didn't you tell me you were coming tonight?" he asked me while giving me a one-armed hug. He reeked of beer.

"Last minute decision, but I'm not drinking."

"Ah you faggot." My face fell a little and I chewed on my tongue, trying not to say anything back to him. I know he doesn't mean it like that but it still wasn't the greatest thing to hear. "Whatever. Come chill with us anyway." Why was Sam still holding my hand?

"Sure why not." We took a seat next to where he was and he rejoined the table. I pulled my hand back to myself and didn't look in her direction.

"Sam, you're in though, right?" he asked her and she nodded her head. He reached over to the fridge and grabbed a few more cans. They all seemed like they were drunk already. They continued with whatever drinking game it was that they were playing before. I watched on as they consumed more and more alcohol while doing a number of ridiculous things. I wonder where Mitchie is.

**Mitchie's POV**

If it weren't for Eric's clingy behavior I would actually be having a good time. I had missed coming here and hanging out with everybody. Lately my life has just been doctors and medication and my parents interrogating me every ten seconds. I missed being, I don't know, normal. I knew Alex didn't want to come here and I even told her that she didn't have to if she didn't want to. I mean, obviously I would rather her be here with me but I wasn't going to force her. It was sweet of her to come anyway. Too bad she isn't literally here with me.

I wasn't even in the house for a minute and Eric already dragged me outside. He tried to convince me to play pong with him and I agreed but told him that he had to drink all the cups. I didn't tell him why I wasn't drinking. He didn't need to know about that. Sure, Zach knows but he knows everything about me. He seemed disappointed, probably because he knows that I don't make poor decisions when I'm sober. Oh well, too bad for him.

"C'mon Mitch drink some of these." We had a couple cups lined up on the side of the table and since Eric is slow as shit it's taking him a while to finish them. Well that and he's already had like forty cups from our last games. He was wasted. I almost felt bad for making him drink everything.

"Alright fine, pansy." I grabbed a cup at the edge of the table and drank it. It was flat and room temperature but it went down fast. I know my limits so a couple drinks wouldn't kill me.

"You try drinking a million beers."

"I could drink them faster than you. You're like a toddler."

"Are you challenging me?" I hated when people say things like that. Competitions are like crack and I hate saying no, especially when I know I'm going to win.

"I wouldn't want to embarrass you." He raised his eyebrows and pulled out something from his back pocket. He held a five dollar bill between his fingers.

"Then put your money where your mouth is." He pulled a can out of the cooler next to the table and put it in my hand along with his keys.

"Shotgun? Really?" I was about five seconds away from being five dollars richer. He nodded and I shrugged me shoulders. "Alright, fine." We both punctured a hole near the bottom of our cans and drank as fast as we could. In no time mine was empty and, as I predicted, I won.

"You got lucky. Rematch." He has way too much pride. Or he just wants to get me drunk. Either way, I wouldn't mind beating him again while taking more of his money.

"Whatever you say, Eric." We continued for awhile. We went through four more cans each and I won each time. My head was starting to hurt and I decided to stop before it got worse. I took a seat in one the chairs on Zach's deck and Eric came and sat next to me.

"What? No more?"

"For now."

"Fine. I think you cleaned me out anyway." When did he put his arm around me? I thought back to that day in school. Alex was really mad because of this. At least I'm aware of him doing it now. I wouldn't want her to think I'm letting him touch me. That is another fight I want to avoid tonight. I tried shifting in my seat but there wasn't much I could do besides, like, get up and leave.

"I'm um, gonna see where Alex is." I tried standing but before I could move he kept me down.

"Don't worry about her." We somehow ended up even closer than we were before and I really didn't like where this was going. One of his hands moved to the side of my face and without any warning he leaned in to kiss me. I craned my neck in the opposite direction so thankfully he missed but I seriously needed to go somewhere else. "C'mon what's the problem?" He tried again but I pulled away.

"Eric, stop."

"Why? It's not like you're dating anyone." I had to fight back the urge to disagree with him but then I would have a lot of explaining to do. I couldn't tell him that I was in fact dating someone but he was being way too persistent.

"I know but I just…I don't want to do this."

"Why not? We always-"

"I know we do but I'm telling you now that I don't want to." He was about to say something but didn't get the chance because Zach stumbled over looking like a hot mess. He knocked into the back of Eric's chair, accidently spilling the contents of his cup onto his shirt and lap. Eric shot up and looked at Zach like he was about to punch him.

"Oh…my bad bro, I didn't…see…that chair," he slurred and slapped him on the shoulder. "You should probably clean that. You look like you pissed yourself."

"You're a dick." He got up and went into the kitchen after shoving Zach out of his way. Zach, on the other hand, was laughing the whole time. I don't think it was an accident.

"Thanks for that."

"No problem." He took off the back of the yard near the keg stand and I got up to see if I could find Alex.

**Alex's POV**

Everyone at this table is absolutely shitfaced. Everyone…except me. Frank and Jimmy are being loud and obnoxious and Sam is pretty much the same except she keeps trying to touch me and flirt with me. To be honest I'm only still sitting here because of Frank. As much as I didn't want to be around Sam, I loved hanging out with Frank.

I don't even know what game they're playing now but the things they were doing were getting more and more ridiculous the drunker they got. If I had to guess I would think that this was a variation of kings, mixed with truth or dare…minus truths. The dares were so weird but funny nonetheless. Right now it was Frank's turn.

"Alright, uhhh…Sam." He pointed in her direction as if he didn't hear her. He thought for a while trying to come up with something until Jimmy said something to him quietly. I didn't catch it but they both started hysterically laughing. I didn't know if that was a good or a bad thing. "Yes! Sam, make out with Alex." My eyes widened and I felt my throat close up again.

"What!"

"Okay." Well apparently _she_ had other plans. I had to find a way out of this.

"I'm not even playing!"

"Too bad, it still counts." I wanted to slap him.

"I have a boyfriend." I had to remind myself to not say _girl_friend.

"Who cares? Nate's in the basement anyway. Now get in the closet!" Oh the irony.

"What? Why the closet?"

"Think of it as seven minutes in heaven."

"I'm sorry I forgot we were in middle school."

"And because that's the only way I can force you." Force? What the hell is he talking about?

"What-" I couldn't even object because he stood up and grabbed me, hoisting me over his shoulder. I let out one of the loudest screams and started hitting him. "Damn it Frank I hate being lifted! Put me down!" He was still laughing but I was fuming. I couldn't even tell what was going on and before I knew it he bounded up the stairs and I was set down and shoved through a door. I quickly turned around, pushing someone who was most likely Sam out of my way, only to find that the door was locked from the outside. "Frank you asshole let me out!" I banged the door but he didn't answer me. "Shit."

"Alex, calm down." Her voice was back to kind and gentle. It only shook my nerves up even more. Mitchie's voice calms me down but this was making me worse. Because I knew it wasn't real. I kept telling myself it wasn't real.

"I can't calm down. I need to get out." It felt like someone was wrapping their hands around my neck and tightening their hold by the second. My breaths became shorter and I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. It almost hurt. And I was supposed to stay in here for seven minutes?

"Just relax." I tried desperately turning the doorknob even though I knew it wouldn't open.

"I can't be in here," I kept mumbling to no one in particular. In the middle of my attempt to get out, Sam's hands slipped down to my waist. I moved away to the other side of the closet but to my dismay that wasn't very far. This closet was a lot smaller than I thought it was. And it was pitch black. I needed to get out.

"Well, you're already in here so…" She trailed her fingers under my shirt and up my sides. I wish Mitchie were here instead. The thought of her was the only thing keeping me sane. I shivered as her hands roamed my torso. _Mitchie_. God I needed to get out.

"Get off of me Sam I'm not doing this with you again." I tried moving again but I still didn't get very far. She just came closer and pressed herself against me as my back hit a wall. My jagged breathing mixed with hers and I could tell how close our lips were to each other. My chest was rising and falling faster than it should.

"You know you want to." My body betrayed me and I shivered once again. Her faint giggle traveled into my ear and replayed in my head over and over. I shut my eyes tightly even though I couldn't see to begin with. The same distorted picture came back to haunt me. _Mitchie_. I only remember that night in bits and pieces but this memory was trying to sneak into my brain; her body writhing under me, her skin burning my fingertips as they slowly moved up her legs, her warm breath on my neck, her hands pressed firmly on my back. _Mitchie._

"Stop." The images were making me sick. I was growing weak and I felt my knees buckling. If she wasn't holding me or pushing me against the wall I would have fallen to the floor. "I can't do this."

"Can't or won't?" _Mitchie._

"Both."

"Don't worry about your little girlfriend." Her lips found their way to my neck and I pushed her away from me but she wouldn't let go. She kissed up my jaw line setting my skin on fire as if she were leaving a trail of scars in the process. _Mitchie_. "What she doesn't know won't hurt her." My breathing picked up even more and fresh tears stung my eyes, threatening to spill. My lips were pressed tightly against each other. I couldn't move, there wasn't room to, but I wanted to. I _had _to.

"Sam, please." I can't believe she had me begging but I had no other option. She had me pinned and I was close to not breathing altogether. If I could break that door down, I would. As much as I tried to turn my head away from her she kept her hands under my shirt, holding me in place. More flashbacks flooded my mind; her tongue invading my mouth, and her hands grazing my chest and stomach, _my_ hands touching her…traveling up her thighs…slipping past her underwear. _Mitchie._ "Stop!"

"It's okay, Alex." _Mitchie._

"No it's not." The car accident is Mitchie's recurring nightmare. This would be mine. "I don't want this." My voice wasn't as strong as I had hoped it would be. I wasn't as strong as I had hoped I would be.

"You don't sound very convincing." _Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie, Mitchie._ Her name repeated itself over and over in my head. I closed my eyes even tighter and a vision of her face clouded over the horrible images trying to poison my mind. Not even for a second did I ever want this. I want Mitchie. But memories of the past made a fire erupt in my stomach. _Mitchie._ I never thought I would be here again. _She's the only one_. She's making me feel things I've never felt before, things I never wanted to feel; I feel sick. _She can't make me feel what Mitchie makes me feel_. The longer she kept me here the tighter my chest became. _She's not Mitchie._

"I can't breathe." She pushed her hips into mine and a headache started splitting my brain in half. _Mitchie. _Is it just me or was this closet getting smaller? She needed to let me go but I can't push her away. My body is collapsing from the inside out. This door needed to open within the next ten seconds or I was going to completely fall apart. _Mitchie._ I brought my hands up to shove her off when a small sliver of light spilled into the room. I narrowed my eyes but tried even harder to get away from her. Even more light filled the closet and I realized that the door had finally opened. Someone finally came to save me. I felt my lungs expand for the first time since I was forced in here. Her hands were hot, still touching my skin. _Mitchie._ This was finally over. "Mitchie…" She stood in the doorway with her face holding an unreadable expression. I struggled once again to leave. The girl keeping me here didn't even realize we'd been interrupted. I would have been mortified but I just had to get the hell out.

"Sam, get off of her." Her voice was even and emotionless. Sam detached herself from me and I wasted no time in hurrying out of the closet and into the haze of sweat and alcohol in the hallway…fresh air. I staggered over to the wall and slid down the length of it, allowing my head to fall into my hands, and inhaled deeply.

"Oh, it's you." The condescending tone was back and if I had any strength in my body I would have slammed a closed fist into her eye. "Look, I-"

"What are you doing?" Her voice was still even and it actually scared me a little. But _God_ it felt so good to hear it.

"Your girlfriend." She smirked and I wanted to smack it off of her face but I was too busy trying to regain my composure. Mitchie just raised an eyebrow at her, unfazed. I wondered why she wasn't going off on me. This is the second time she's walked in on me and Sam and also the second time she saw me kiss somebody else while we were dating.

"Oh, really?"

"Yeah, you know, maybe if you would give her what she really wanted she wouldn't go looking for it somewhere else." My eyes actually widened. I can't believe she just accused me of that. I would never cheat on her and I sure as hell am not only dating her to sleep with her. I quickly rose to my feet to defend myself.

"What! Are you kidding me, that's not-"

"You're lying." She sounded so sure of herself. I was starting to wonder if I was in fact imagining this. She was hurt and furious when Nate kissed me…and this is a hundred times worse. My legs shook slightly the more I tried to stay on my feet.

"It's so cute how trusting you are. Don't worry, that won't last. Once she gets bored and realizes that she's wasting her time she'll just come looking for me…_again_. And really, who would blame her…" I didn't think I would have to deal with this again. The lies were there. I knew them. I saw them. I didn't believe them this time. And she _still_ managed to ruin everything. I saw right through her; her soft, sweet voice has no power over me anymore, sober or not. _She's not Mitchie._

"Are you done?" she asked, sounding more bored than offended. This was too bizarre. I was usually the one who just sat there and took everything, especially with Nate. Mitchie would always be the one to get mad and aggressive and stick up for me every time. Even if I never cared for him he still broke me constantly and she was always there putting me back together. She's a strong girl; she never lets people talk down to her and yet here she is letting some girl insult her.

"We can continue this later. Call me when you're done with her, Alex," she said with a sly wink and that flirtatious tenor that had once had me wrapped around her finger, but never again. She would have sounded more convincing or enticing even, if she wasn't so completely intoxicated. Her slurred speech and hazy eyes were tearing away her mask making it even easier to not fall for her games. Without any further argument she turned on her heel and briskly walked away as if nothing had even happened.

"Well that was…" she trailed off, her voice still completely leveled. "…interesting." The sound of it brought me back to reality and I shook all previous thoughts from my head, trying to process the incident that just took place. What was I even still doing standing here? Why did I let her walk off like that?

"Sam, wait!" I took off after her leaving a confused Mitchie behind. I didn't want to waste time. I had to go after her. I heard Mitchie call out after me but I kept walking until I caught up with Sam on the staircase. I grabbed her arm and spun her around to face me.

"That was quicker than I thought. Tired of her already?" She tried to bring her hand up to touch my face but we weren't in that closet anymore; she had no control over me. I slapped it away and tightened my grip on her.

"I don't know who the fuck you think you are but get it through your head that I want _nothing_ to do with you; don't touch me, don't talk to me. And don't you dare talk to Mitchie like that ever again. If you so much as even look at her the wrong way I will not hesitate to kick your ass." I know I said I was never one for aggression but there was no way in hell I was going to let her treat Mitchie like crap and get away with it. I will defend her until the day I die.

"You don't scare me, Alex. In fact, you getting all mad is kind of sexy." Her finger trailed up the length of my arm and I took the drunk girl's hands in mine and pinned them against the wall she was up against.

"Read my lips. You are nothing to me. I have a girlfriend. So get lost." Her eyes darkened and she pulled herself out of my grasp.

"You sure about that? Because I could have sworn you had a _boy_friend…or both?"

"Shut up Sam," I warned but she still kept her stare on me, cocky and threatening.

"I don't know, your friends seem to think so…"

"This is none of your business." I didn't want to get too loud. Drawing attention would only cause more problems but I doubt anyone else could hear me in this house. I released her and turned to walk away. I was done with her.

"They must be confused. You're dating Mitchie, not Nate." I froze and looked back. Her doe-eyed, angelic face was trying its hardest to cover up her true intentions. Through her fake concern I could just barely make out the hint of animosity. "Don't worry, I'll set them straight." As if she were doing me a favor, she walked past me, patted my cheek and descended down the stairs. I could feel my heart racing and I found myself once again chasing after the girl. I stopped her halfway down the steps and held her wrist to prevent her from going any further.

"Stop, please!" I can't believe she _still_ has me begging. Her smirk returned and she folded her arms victoriously.

"What if I don't?"

"God what do you want from me, Sam? What did I ever do to you? Why can't you just leave me alone?" Desperation was starting to sink in and it was clear in my voice. But I didn't care at this point. I couldn't risk this. It's not fair to Mitchie and I would do anything to protect her. A delicate hand on my cheek broke my train of thought and soon her body was pressed against mine much like it was in that closet. Her face was inches away from mine and her lips faintly brushed my ear.

"You know what I want Alex." I could smell at least four different types of alcohol on her breath and I knew that she was drunk enough to actually go through with this if I didn't surrender to her. _Mitchie_.

"Never."

"That's too bad." She pulled away and continued her original path downstairs. Five seconds later the situation registered in my mind and I thought I was going to faint. I ran to where I knew she was headed. When I found her she was stumbling into the kitchen back to the crowd of people we were around. I tried one last time to get her to have a heart and change her mind.

"Sam I'm begging you please don't do this." My voice was shaky and about to break at any given moment. She just ignored me and continued with her plan to ruin mine and Mitchie's lives.

"Hey there you two are! That was more than seven minutes; do you guys just want to go get a room upstairs?" Frank was almost as drunk as Sam was and he could not stop laughing. I on the other hand found nothing funny about this.

"No, we can't do anything because Alex here is dating someone," she said loudly, trying to get the room's attention…a little too obviously.

"Yeah, he's downstairs," Frank pointed out, confused as to why anything she was saying was at all relevant.

"No, actually…she's upstairs." I could feel my heart slowly sinking into the pit of my stomach. If I try to stop her now it would just give me away that much quicker. I looked on in horror.

"What are you talking about?"

"Her _girlfriend_ is upstairs." Dead silence. Only the music could be heard as everyone kept their focus on Sam and her drunken revelation. "Oh you guys didn't know? Yeah…she and Mitchie…are DATING," she practically shouted to the whole kitchen. I fought the tears that tried to make their way past my eyes. I could hear people whispering and asking questions here and there but I couldn't make any of it out. I looked around the group of people I was surrounded by, people I knew. My eyes scanned the crowd and landed on perfect brown eyes as they made their way into my line of sight. I locked my gaze on Mitchie and her face showed fear and apprehension. I swallowed the lump in my throat and pathetically mouthed out the only words I could think of. It was done. And there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

"I'm sorry."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Misery Business by Paramore**


	5. Killin' Me Deep Inside

**A/N 1: Bad news is my laptop still has a virus and keeps crashing but the good news is I can still write, it's just the internet that's getting messed up now. Anyway, I felt bad for being so slow with my updates lately so I made this one faster and this chapter is longer too. I may have shoved a lot into it but I broke up the night into three chapters and I didn't know when to end each of them. But whatever, ENJOY!**

**Let me know what you think. Read, review, favorite, alert, all that shit.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>5. Killin' Me Deep Inside<p>

_You're sittin' back on the couch tryin' to ease the pain_  
>'<em>Cause it feels like the world is sittin' up on your brain<br>Insanity is creepin' it's comin' up on you  
>You don't know what to do because nobody can help you<em>

* * *

><p><strong><em>Mitchie's POV<em>**

_I had to keep telling myself that this wasn't a big deal. If I just calmly explain to Alex that he tried to kiss me but I stopped him and left then she couldn't be upset, right? I know since it didn't actually happen then there is no point in even mentioning it to her. Wrong. If she found out from someone else then she would know that I kept it from her and she would get mad that I lied and I just don't need the drama with her. I have nothing to hide anyway. It's not like it I wanted it or anything._

_Finding Alex in this house shouldn't be too hard. Frank is probably still in the kitchen where I last saw him and Alex is always hanging out with him. When I walked back inside I saw him sitting with Jimmy and a bunch of others laughing and talking way too loudly. I looked around the group he was with but saw Alex nowhere around. I knew Nate was here somewhere but I doubt that she went looking for him._

"_Hey Frank have you seen Alex?" He looked around the kitchen trying to figure out who was talking to him. "Frank!" He finally looked my way and smiled._

"_Oh hey Mitchie! I didn't know you were here too!" In here it wasn't as loud as it was in the rest of the house so I blamed his yelling on how drunk he was. "Did you say something?"_

"_I said have you seen Alex?" I asked again and he burst out laughing along with a couple others at the table. I don't get how that was a funny question but I tried not to show how impatient I was getting._

"_She's a little busy at the moment," he said through his laughter and I instantly grew curious._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_She's having some uh…fun with Sam." I still didn't find it funny. At the mere mention of that girl's name I felt my blood start to boil. I had to keep myself in check though. I had to calm down and think this through. He could be joking. Why the hell would Alex be with her?_

"_What? Where is she?" I demanded but he just kept laughing. I swear I am going to slap him._

"_Upstairs." I gritted my teeth and immediately left to go find them. "Cock block!" I heard Frank shout from behind me but I just flipped him off and kept walking. I quickly jogged up the stairs but my brain forced me to stop when I got there. What was I going to do when I found her? What was I even going to find? The rational side of my mind was telling me that I was overreacting and that Alex would never do something to hurt me like that. The irrational side was telling me to just shut up and find them so I can kick both of their asses._

_I had a sick feeling of déjà vu as I searched Zach's house for Alex. This reminded me too much of the last time I was here; looking for Alex, checking every room, finally finding her with Sam…half naked…on top of each other…hands wandering…I shook the thoughts from my mind. The few beers I had were making my head ache and these thoughts made me want to vomit. This wasn't happening again. I kept telling myself that this wasn't happening again._

_As much as I tried to ignore it, the daunting feeling came back as I opened every bedroom door only to find half of them locked and the other half empty. They weren't here. Maybe Frank was really kidding. Maybe this isn't going to be like last time and I was right all along. I trust Alex and I'm not just going to jump to conclusions just because Frank is drunk and retarded._

_I gave up looking and decided to head back downstairs to see if I could possibly find her there. I walked down the hallway but froze when I heard a thud over the music. That was weird. I thought no one was up here. I looked around but still saw nobody. I was about to forget about it and leave again when I heard more noises. I followed the sound to the second closet on the right. I studied it for about two seconds until I noticed that the lock was turned. I almost didn't want to know what was behind the door._

_I unlocked it despite myself but what I saw made me both angry and sick before it just completely broke my heart. Alex and Sam were tangled in each other, their faces flushed. Her hands were under Alex's shirt, touching her, and her lips were trailing up her neck. I could have cried at the sight and it wouldn't have been from what they were doing in here but because of Alex. I didn't cry though. She had this look in her eyes; I knew that look. I hated that look. I never wanted to see it again. I felt my anger fading into sadness and then into sympathy. Then I felt nothing._

"_Mitchie…" She finally noticed me standing in the doorway and tried her hardest to get out and away from the girl groping her. Not once did the look in her eyes change or falter at all. I wanted to rip Sam's throat out but I couldn't move._

"_Sam, get off of her." I was shocked at how monotonous my voice sounded when all I wanted to do was scream. She finally acknowledged that they were not alone and released my girlfriend who wasted no time in running out of the closet as fast as she could. She went right past me and sat against the wall with her head down taking deep breaths. My heart ached._

"_Oh, it's you." Sam's voice brought my attention back to her and reminded me of how furious I just was. But when I looked at her I lost the desire to hurt her. I hated her but she just isn't worth it. "Look, I-"_

"_What are you doing?"_

"_Your girlfriend," she said with a smirk, obviously pleased with herself. I could tell she was trying to get a rise out of me but I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction._

"_Oh, really?"_

"_Yeah, you know, maybe if you would give her what she really wanted she wouldn't go looking for it somewhere else." Who was this girl trying to fool? She was so full of herself and the way she was talking to me was just downright pathetic. Alex, on the other hand, looked like she was having a heart attack; poor girl. She quickly stood up, wide-eyed and frantic._

"_What! Are you kidding me, that's not-" I cut her off. I didn't need to hear anything._

"_You're lying."_

"_It's so cute how trusting you are. Don't worry, that won't last. Once she gets bored and realizes that she's wasting her time she'll just come looking for me…again. And really, who would blame her…" I had to fight the urge to roll my eyes at her futile attempt to make me jealous. As if I would ever be jealous of her. I was growing bored. Alex still looked like she was freaking out over this. I just wish she would relax long enough to breathe._

"_Are you done?"_

"_We can continue this later. Call me when you're done with her, Alex." She winked at Alex before sauntering away. It was so obvious how drunk she was but I doubt she could even tell at this point._

"_Well that was…" I trailed off, confused and just plain weirded out by the whole thing. "…interesting." I turned to look at Alex and she looked like she was slowly returning to normal. Then out of nowhere she started walking away from me._

"_Sam, wait!" she yelled and followed after the intoxicated girl. I just stood there completely stunned. What the hell was she doing going after her?_

"_Alex!" I tried calling out to her but she ignored me and went for the stairs. I wanted to go see what she was doing but something kept me in my place. My stomach started churning once again and I had a horrible feeling building up inside of me. I could just barely hear Alex's voice over the loud music but I couldn't tell what she was saying. I honestly don't even know if I wanted to know anymore._

_I sighed and ran a hand through my hair and that's when I heard Alex shouting. I hurried over to the opposite end of the hall and saw her and Sam halfway down the staircase. She was pressed up against her once again but that look in her eyes wasn't there anymore. My heart rate picked up as I started getting more and more nervous. The rational side of my mind once again screamed at me to not be deceived by this. Before I knew it they were both descending down the stairs and into the kitchen._

_I stopped thinking about everything and went after them this time. When I reached the kitchen there was a crowd of people looking around at each other, slightly confused. And so was I. They were all looking at Sam who seemed to be obnoxiously shouting something and Alex was standing next to her looking absolutely horrified. I could tell she was fighting back tears and I instantly became worried. I only caught the last of Sam's sentence but it was enough to make my entire world come crashing down on me._

"…_Yeah…she and Mitchie…are DATING." Suddenly everyone was whispering and asking questions but I didn't care. I had to get to Alex. I pushed past a couple of people until she noticed me. The broken look on her face honestly scared me and made me want to cry. She opened her mouth to speak but nothing came out. Still, I made out the two words that barely fell from her lips._

"_I'm sorry."_

I was still stuck where I was standing and so was everybody else. Even though the house was beyond loud it was so damn quiet in here and it was driving me crazy. I held my breath wishing this was just some horrible dream. I didn't want to hear or see anyone's reactions to this but I couldn't find the will to leave the room. Frank looked shocked as his eyes moved between Alex and I. Then suddenly his expression changed but I couldn't tell what it was and that freaked me out even more. He kept looking back and forth until his expression changed again and this time he looked amused and started laughing.

"Sure they are," he humored her and continued drinking his beer. Sam looked like she was getting pissed off. I watched on not knowing what else to do.

"What? You don't believe me?"

"I think someone's had a little too much to drink."

"They really are dating!" she yelled at him but he just kept laughing.

"Yeah okay, whatever you say." More people started laughing but all of it was directed at Sam. I cannot believe what is going on right now. Alex looked just as bewildered as I probably did.

"They are."

"Oh I think it's time for somebody's nap," Frank teased in a baby voice and her face grew red with anger as more people laughed at her expense. I would have felt bad if she hadn't warranted all of this. Frank went up to her and picked her up, throwing her over his shoulder while she repeatedly hit him in his back.

"You dick, let me go!"

"Come on, crazy girl." He started walking despite her many protests, both verbal and physical.

"I swear I'm not lying. They're a couple."

"Yeah yeah, we all know Alex and Mitchie are married. Now settle down before you wet yourself." He continued carrying her out of the room to God knows where as their argument died out in the distance. In a matter of seconds everyone seemed to return to what they were doing. Most of them were shaking their heads, some were still laughing, and others voiced their opinions.

"That girl should not be allowed to drink."

"She's insane."

"What a dumbass."

The rest of the comments faded away and I went over to Alex but before I could she turned around and started walking away again. I was really getting tired of going after her but this was important. We were safe now so why was she still upset? She didn't need to run anymore. Everything was fine. I followed her out into the backyard but she didn't stop there. She pushed past the kids playing pong and went around to the side of the house where no one was.

"Alex, would you stop?" Either she didn't hear me or she didn't want to listen and she kept going but the alcohol in my system was still making my head hurt and I didn't have the energy to go any further than this. I grabbed her arm to prevent her from going anywhere else but she refused to turn around. "Can you please look at me?" She weakly shook her head before lowering it. Before I could question her she yanked her arm out of my grasp but stayed where she was. With her back still facing me she leaned against the brick wall that made up the side of Zach's house and turned her face and hands to it. She shook slightly and I didn't even need to hear her to realize that she was crying. I softly put my hand on her shoulder. "Alex…"

"No." Her voice was shaky and she tried to shrug me off but I didn't let her. I held her more firmly and spun her around to finally look at me. Her eyes were red and practically swollen and the tears streaming down her face were glistening in the moonlight. I pulled her into me and she collapsed into my embrace. She gripped my sweater tightly and cried into my chest.

"Lex, it's okay. Everything's fine." She shook her head defiantly but kept her hold on me. I wouldn't have let her go anyway.

"No it's not." I stroked her hair gently trying to calm her down. I silently thanked God that no one else was back here so we could actually have this conversation alone.

"Yes it is. No one believes her. We're fine."

"I'm sorry Mitchie. I'm so sorry." She sobbed harder into my torso and it was so muffled I'm surprised I even understood what she was saying. I should have known she still felt guilty about earlier. Well, she did take off before we could even talk about it.

"Don't be. I'm not mad at you." Her tears slowed and I heard her sniffle a few times before she lifted her head up to look me in my eyes.

"You're not?" It broke my heart all over again to see her so upset.

"No, I'm not. Yeah sure, it wasn't the _greatest_ thing to see…especially after last time. I mean, how many times am I going to watch you kiss someone else? And how many times am I going to walk in on you and Sam going at it? It still hurt but I'm not mad at you." I kept my voice as balanced and as calm as I could manage so she would understand that I really am not mad. She scrunched her eyebrows in confusion but she didn't have time to say anything in response because we were interrupted by Frank and Zach.

"There you guys are we've been looking everywhere for you. Are you okay?" Frank asked not only to Alex but to me as well.

"Yeah, we're fine." I just wanted them to leave us alone for a second so Alex and I could talk in private.

"I'm so sorry; I had no idea. Mitch, I _swear_ Alex didn't do anything. None of that was her fault," he pleaded with me but he seriously didn't have to explain anything.

"I know." He looked like he was going to continue apologizing but froze and just stared at me weirdly.

"You do?" He and Alex said at the same time.

"Alex is claustrophobic you idiot. She would never willingly lock herself in an unlit closet, especially with a lunatic. Speaking of…where is she anyway?"

"Zach kicked her out." I looked at him and he smirked.

"_You're welcome_; always looking out for you."

"Yeah? Where were you when Sam was molesting my girlfriend?"

"Probably out here stopping Eric from molesting _you_." I glared at him hard before squeezing my eyes shut. I can't believe he just said that.

"He _what_?" Alex asked almost completely appalled. He seriously couldn't let me tell her that myself? Zach's eyes widened before he looked at me nervously.

"Uh…I think I hear someone calling for me inside…far away from here." He quickly ran back inside the house but Frank stayed with us as Alex just looked both furious and miserable.

"Look, I wouldn't have done that if I had known. I'm really, really sorry," Frank said, bringing my attention back to our previous conversation. I felt bad for him apologizing so much.

"It's okay. And thank you…for handling Sam back there. You really saved us." I offered him a smile and it seemed to relieve him a little.

"It's the least I could do. I mean…it _was_ my fault."

"Don't worry. You think you could give Alex and me a minute?"

"Sure, I'll see you guys inside. Oh and I promise I won't tell anyone." He took off in the same direction as Zach and I willed myself to face Alex. She said nothing. I should probably explain what just happened. I figured it was now or never.

"Nothing happened. I was with Eric in the yard playing beer pong and I ended up drinking a few but stopped because it was making my head hurt but when I sat down he came next to me and tried to kiss me but I stopped him before he could and I told him I wasn't going to do anything with him but he kept trying and that's when Zach came and-"

"Mitchie," she said, stopping my rant.

"What?"

"I love you." I blinked a couple times trying to understand what was going through her mind.

"You…you're not mad?"

"Did you let him kiss you?"

"What? No! I just said that I-"

"Then I believe you."

"But…you got so mad when he just put his arm around me."

"Well, I'm really in no position to get mad."

"Alex I know that you didn't do anything." Tears were collecting in her eyes again and I brought my thumb up to her cheek to wipe them away. She put her head back on my chest and wrapped her arms around my neck as she resumed her previous crying. I rubbed circles on her back hoping it would help her.

"I feel so horrible about all of this."

"You don't have to. I forgive you."

"But you shouldn't!"

"But I do!" She sighed and we stayed in that position for a while; my arms around her waist and her face buried in the crook of my neck. It was silent and all that could be heard were the distant voices of the party-goers in the backyard. After a minute she broke the silence.

"I love you so much, Mitchie." Her crying had resumed and she broke down in my arms for the third time.

"I love you too, Alex," I replied, worry clearly evident in my voice. She held me tightly and her uneven breathing burned my exposed collarbone. "What's wrong?"

"I just…I love everything about you. I love how you know everything about me. I love how you make me feel even when you're not around me. I love how you trust me even when I give you every reason not to. I love the way your skin feels. I love the way you smell. I love the way you laugh. I love the way you look at me. I love the way your voice sounds. And I love how you still love me even after everything I put you through." She finished her confession and her words ran through my head over and over and over again like a broken record that I never wanted to stop playing.

"Hey, look at me." I brought my hand under her chin and tilted it up. "What's the problem? I told you everything is okay now," I said gently but she shook her head again.

"No Mitch, it's never going to be okay."

"Don't say that."

"But it's true. You saw what happened inside. She just outed us in front of everyone! Sure, it was played off as a joke but they're not going to just forget that. As if we weren't secretive enough, now we have to be even more careful. I just want to be with you without being afraid of people suspecting something and finding out. I don't want to be afraid but I am. I could barely handle what just happened; imagine when they really find out. God, why can't we ever just catch a break?"

"C'mon, you're thinking way too much into this."

"I'm just so sick of everything!" She pulled away from me and the frustration in her voice was growing stronger by the second.

"Calm down, Alex."

"I can't calm down! Nothing is going right Mitch. There's always something bringing us back down!" She was getting louder, pacing and flailing her arms to emphasize her annoyance.

"You're overreacting. And stop yelling at me."

"I'm not yelling at you!"

"Yes you are."

"No I'm not!"

"Really? Are we seriously fighting right now? You said you're not mad at me and I keep telling you that I'm not mad at you so what are we even doing right now? Why are we fighting?"

"We're not fighting! I just…I don't know!" This was insane. Even when we don't drink something always has to happen to us. I don't know why we couldn't just get past this. If I was willing to believe and forgive Alex for the whole Sam thing then why are we still arguing? Why is she still so upset?

"C'mon Alex, just talk to me. I hate seeing you like this. But nothing is ever going to get better if you don't let me in. Remember what happened last time?" She grimaced and groaned but at least she stopped moving around.

"Ugh please don't bring that up. I don't even want to think about…that."

"Then what is this really about?" I asked but all she did was shake her head. She rubbed the remaining traces of tears from her eyes and started walking back to the house. "Alex." She didn't even acknowledge me. "Alex!" Before I knew it she was inside and I was left standing by myself once again. I chose not to go after her this time. I didn't want to get her any more worked up than she already was. I thought it would be best to just let her cool off on her own. I sighed and went back to the backyard.

**Alex's POV**

The second I walked inside the kitchen I spotted Frank and he was talking to Jimmy like he always is. I went right up to him and punched him in the shoulder. He grabbed it and yelled in pain as if a hit from a girl actually hurt him that bad. Jimmy laughed at him along with a few others nearby and he just looked at me like I was crazy before hitting me back. I punched him even harder.

"Ow! You cunt." He was such a baby, I swear it. Wait…did he seriously just call me a cunt?

"Fuck you! You locked me in a closet with a psychopath you moron."

"I said I was sorry! I didn't know you were claustrophobic." I glared at him to show that wasn't the only reason I was mad at him. "I didn't know!" I stayed with my arms crossed and he tried smiling at me to get me to soften up. "C'mon Alex."

"I hate you."

"No you don't. You know you can't stay mad at me." Ugh, I hated it when he was right. "You wanna smile." As much as I wanted to keep this up I couldn't help but smile. "Ahhh there it is." He is such an idiot. But I really did love Frank too much to ever stay angry with him. He's too good of a friend…even if he did make my night a living hell, unintentionally of course.

"Shut up."

"Hey I wouldn't be so rude if I were you. Because I have a present for you." I arched an eyebrow as I watched his face grow more and more excited.

"What? Am I going to get raped in a different closet?"

"No! Even better! Come downstairs." He got up and so did Jimmy and I followed them to the basement. Once we got off the last step I looked around the room. There were quite a few people in here; there was another pong table set up, a few couches and chairs in front of a large television, a fridge and a couple coolers with plenty of alcohol. Frank led us to the back corner of the basement and into the laundry room.

"What are we doing here?"

"I felt bad for giving you a heart attack or whatever it is that happens when you're in small spaces." I rolled my eyes and he dug his hand into the pocket of his jeans. "So I rolled this for you." In his hand he produced a neatly wrapped and well packed blunt and a lighter.

"How wasted are you? Do you not remember me telling you that I'm not drinking tonight?" Now it was his turn to raise his eyebrow.

"Uh, Einstein, does this look like a can of beer to you? No. You don't drink it."

"You know what I mean. That's not the point. I promised Mitchie I wouldn't drink."

"You didn't say anything about smoking though. You haven't smoked with me in forever. How short is your leash?" I punched him a third time. "I'm kidding! C'mon I'm lighting you up and you're saying no?" He really is so stupid but I could feel my will power slowly diminishing.

"Well…you _do_ have a point." I knew that his logic was extremely flawed but I was just so upset and I really wanted to. I was way too stressed tonight and all I wanted to do was relax, even for just a second.

"Yeahhhhhh!" I took the blunt between my fingers and placed it in my mouth. The leaf hit my lips and I could taste the tobacco and smell the potent scent of marijuana. Frank lit the opposite end and I inhaled deeply, reveling in the feeling of smoke filling my body. I sucked in a breath and held it in until my chest started to hurt and I slowly let it out. Frank smiled and took it from me, taking a pull of his own which was much longer than mine. He always did have stronger lungs than I did. "See, aren't you glad you came?" He blew the smoke out and passed it to Jimmy.

"I still have to drive later you know."

"Who cares, that's much later. You'll be fine by then." I hoped for my sake that he was right, or else Mitchie would straight up murder me.

"I guess." It came back to me and this time I took a longer pull and I could already feel myself loosening up. "How much did you roll in this anyway?"

"…A lot." Oh I could so see this not ending well.

We continued smoking it all the way through and by the time we finished we were all completely high. My vision was absolutely horrendous and we couldn't stop laughing. Frank and Jimmy were already drunk before so they weren't so great at walking but I was pretty alright in that department. I admit though, I don't think I am going to be able to act sober upstairs. But boy do I feel a whole lot better than before.

We exited the laundry room, a cloud of smoke dissipating into the air upon opening the door. It was difficult for me to even keep my eyes open all the way. Jimmy went to go find his girlfriend upstairs leaving me with Frank. We staggered over to the fridge so he could get more beer, as if he even needed it, and my heart practically stopped when I saw who else was down here with us. I immediately ducked behind a nearby couch and pulled Frank down with me.

"What the hell. What's happening?"

"Shhhh! He'll hear you!" I whispered a bit too loudly after putting my hand over his mouth. I looked around to see if he was still there and to my displeasure he was. "Crap."

"Who?"

"Nate." He stood up so he could try and see where he was and I quickly pulled him back down again. "Don't. I don't want him to see us!" I racked my brain trying to come up with something. "Help me get out of here."

"Uhhhhh okay um, just like…oh I got it!" he suddenly screamed and I smacked him.

"Quiet!"

"Right, okay…I'll start going upstairs and you just like…walk next to me."

"What? That is the worst plan ever."

"No I mean like…walk in front of me like, I'll hide you so he won't see you or something." I still thought it was a horrible idea but I was far too stoned to come up with anything else and I didn't want to risk staying down here with him. I nodded and we started walking together, Frank completely blocking me from Nate's line of sight.

"Is he looking?" I asked, my paranoia setting in. "Hey, is he looking?" He didn't answer me as we slowly approached the stairs. "Frank!"

"What?"

"Is he looking?"

"Shut up I thought you wanted us to be quiet."

"…Is he looking?" He huffed and turned to check to see if the coast was clear but he snapped his back in front of him with his eyes wide.

"Oh shit I think he saw us…uhhh just keep walking maybe he won't, um…see us." That made no sense but I honestly think we were both way past making sense at this point, so naturally I went along with it. We kept walking, a little faster this time and started going up the stairs.

"Alex!" Well, fuck…never mind then.

"Shh, just be very quiet, maybe he'll go away," I whispered to Frank with my finger to my lips and he snickered but quickly hushed himself up.

"Alex what the fuck are you doing here?" Damn it. I turned to face him and he looked confused and pissed off. What else is new?

"Um…what are _you_ doing here?"

"Shut up, you ignore me for weeks and think you can just show up here like nothing's wrong?"

"Uhhh…maybe?" He stared at me for a moment and I think he actually laughed a bit.

"Are you high?" Crap, I must be more obvious than I had thought.

"Uhhh…_maybe_?" He laughed again but this time his dark eyes scared me a little. He moved closer to me and grabbed me by my waist. I'm not gonna lie, it kind of hurt.

"Wanna go upstairs?" Well he certainly wastes no time. Of course this was all he wanted from me. I needed to get away from him.

"Um…no thank you."

"C'mon babe," he husked into my ear and even though I was tripping pretty badly I was definitely not about to go anywhere with him, and that would be a first. I haven't smoked in a while, like way before I even told Mitchie about…well, everything. Before when I would get high I would almost if not always end up sleeping with Nate. Mainly because being high was the only thing that made it bearable and I needed a way to forget about my feelings for my best friend. I was pulled out of my trance when I felt his hands trying to make their way into my jeans and I stepped back, moving completely away from him. He didn't look too happy about that. "What the fuck is the problem now?" I was at a loss. I was too high to think of something clever to get out of this.

"Could you give me just a sec?" Without waiting for an answer I quickly turned and moved to where Frank was. I looked at him with pleading eyes for any help even though he is more useless than I am. "What do I do?" I whispered hoping Nate couldn't hear me. He thought for half a second before looking like he came up with another idea.

"Oh! Make him mad!" I knew he wasn't going to come up with anything smart.

"What? No!"

"Why not?"

"Because…"

"Because why?"

"…He's scary."

"Oh for the love of God…" He pushed me back to where Nate was standing and he still had that scowl on his face from me rejecting him again.

"Uh…I…need to go with Frank…back upstairs." He seemed to get even more pissed that I was blowing him off to go somewhere with another guy.

"Why can't you just come with me?"

"I um…I can't…right now, um because…uhhh…" I stuttered trying to come up with something but I could hardly think. Maybe I should just make him mad.

"Because she said you have a small dick and she doesn't want to fuck a child anyway!" Frank blurted out loudly and I smacked my palm against my forehead. What the fuck did he just do? I am going to get killed tonight!

"WHAT?" Nate screamed and I flinched, afraid he was going to hit me in front of people.

"You heard her!" Her? I didn't say anything! He was writing out my death wish for me.

"You're such a stupid, worthless slut Alex." _Don't listen to him, his words mean nothing, don't listen to him._

"Hey, watch yourself," Frank said taking a threatening step closer to Nate. At least someone was defending me. This is why I love Frank…even though he got me into this in the first place.

"What are you fucking my girl too? Who isn't? That's all she's good for anyway." My heart was tearing in half and I hated that he still had this effect on me. I don't even care about him but he still has the power to make me feel like absolute shit.

"I mean it. Back off." They kept taking steps closer and it looked like they were about to fight. The weed in my system was slowing down my thought process though so I couldn't tell what was really going on.

"Or what?" I really didn't like where this was going. I didn't want to cause a fight and I just really wanted to get out of here. I tugged on Frank's arm to get him to leave the situation alone.

"Frank let it go, let's just get out of here." He reluctantly agreed after a moment and we started going up the stairs.

"See you around, bitch," Nate spat at me and I just shook my head and went back up to the main floor of the house, Frank in tow behind me.

"Sorry, you were right; making him mad was a bad idea."

"I told you. At least you didn't get hurt."

"At least _you_ didn't. Is that why you don't break up with him?"

"Pretty much."

"Jesus Christ. That sucks. Oh! Let's go to the kitchen!" Wow, he sure changed moods fast.

"Why?" He grabbed my hand and dragged me along with him.

"Because I'm hungry and Zach has hot pockets!" Oh my fucking God that had to be the single greatest thing I had ever heard in my life.

"YES let's go!" We ran towards the fridge and opened the freezer door. We pulled out two boxes of pepperoni pizza hot pockets and put them in the microwave. "Wait…how do you do this?" We studied the appliance for about fifteen seconds before Frank just started pressing random buttons. He was probably going to end up breaking it but I didn't care. I really wanted to eat. After a while we took the food out. "I think it's still cold."

"I don't care," he said and shoved at least half of one into his mouth. I burst out laughing when he ends up burning himself, dropping the plate onto the counter. He glared at me and then shoved the other half in my face making hot pizza sauce smear on my cheek and chin. I wanted to yell at him but I just kept laughing and so did he. I was starting to feel better from all that shit with Nate. But even though I'm having fun I keep feeling like I'm forgetting something. I cleaned myself and slapped him but of course he slapped me back. We continued hitting each other until I saw something out of the corner of my eye and stopped what I was doing.

"Shiiiiiiiiiit," I dragged out, not as quietly as I had intended.

"What?" I bit my knuckle and turned to stand on his other side. "What? What's going on now?" he whispered. I _knew_ there was something I was forgetting. I turned my head as subtly as I could manage but of course there was no hope in succeeding. If Nate wasn't going to kill me then…someone else was definitely going to.

"Mitchie."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Killin' Me Deep Inside by Slightly Stoopid**


	6. Light My Fire

**A/N 1: I swear I thought I would have gotten this up _days_ ago. With school and my second job starting I didn't realize how busy I would be. Corporate world is kicking my ass. I have no life now. My life consists of school, work and sleep if I ever get a second to relax. But I'm trying. I was gonna leave this for tomorrow but I didn't want to let you guys down. For once you're not going to hate me for this chapter! Wait...actually, you might. But I think you're gonna like it (or at least I hope you will)... :D.  
><strong>

**LOVE YOU.  
><strong>

**Let me know what you think. Read, review, favorite, alert, all that good shit.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>6. Light My Fire<p>

_You know that it would be untrue  
>You know that I would be a liar<br>If I was to say to you  
>Girl, we couldn't get much higher<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I have to admit that the panic I was feeling right now would not have been as bad had I not smoked tonight but then again I wouldn't have any reason to panic if I wasn't so God damn high right now. I didn't even want to check to see if Mitchie saw me here or not. Well, she wouldn't even have to see me to know I was here. Frank and I were so loud I'm sure the whole house could hear us. We don't exactly have any volume control at the moment.

I didn't know which was scarier; Nate finding me or Mitchie finding me. Sure, Nate is essentially the devil but Mitchie was going to slit my throat if she finds out what I did. I'm supposed to drive us home but I wouldn't even trust myself behind the wheel of a car right now. I didn't think I would smoke so much but I don't notice how much I'm smoking when I can't even think straight.

Maybe I could get away with it. I could pretend to be sober for a while and she won't suspect a thing. I just had to play it cool for a couple hours. We couldn't leave anytime soon though. There is no way in hell that I can handle driving. I could drag this out but Mitchie will get suspicious. I mean, I _was_ the one who didn't even want to come here in the first place and if I all of a sudden change my mind, especially after my small meltdown earlier outside, she's going to know something is up. Then again, I would feel terrible driving Mitchie knowing I'm not sober and not even telling her about it. If she found out from someone else shit will surely hit the fan.

"I think you should run," Frank whispered to me, breaking me out of my thoughts.

"What? Why?" I asked, suddenly worried. Why the hell would I need to start running?

"She's looking at you." Oh my _God_ I am in deep shit.

"I can't run."

"Why not?"

"She'll know something's wrong…or she'll think I'm mad at her."

"Well then you shouldn't have gotten so high when you knew that you had to drive her."

"WHAT? You're the one who said I should!"

"Yeah but you didn't have to listen to me!"

"You didn't have to guilt me into it!"

"You shouldn't give into peer pressure so easily!"

"She's gonna kill me!"

"Can I watch you guys make out?"

"You are the stupidest person I have ever-"

"Alex?" Mitchie's curious voice interrupted our not-so-quiet whispering. Crap. I didn't have enough time to think of something.

"Heyyyyy Mitchie." I smiled at her, hoping she couldn't tell that I wasn't sober.

"Are you okay?"

"What? Me? Oh yeah, I'm great. I'm just…great." I had to remind myself to keep calm but I was freaking out on the inside.

"You are? Because you seemed really upset before…" I couldn't tell if she was actually buying this 'sober act' of mine and I was growing more and more frightened by the second.

"Oh no, no, that was…I'm not…I'm fine now…all better…" It was so damn difficult to keep a straight face this entire time. My eyelids were getting heavy and I had to keep refocusing my vision every now and then. I probably looked crazy. I had to refrain from laughing too. Nothing was even funny but the uncontrollable urge to smile kept creeping up on me and it was so hard to fight it. Mitchie looked at me weirdly for a moment. But it wasn't just looking, more like…studying. I was suddenly feeling a lot less confident than before. She stared at me for another second before her curious expression turned to one of disappointment. Shit…she knows. I was busted.

"You're stoned, aren't you?" Maybe I could _still_ get out of this.

"What? No, of course I'm not." I could hear Frank trying to hold in his laughter next to me as he watched me dig my own grave deeper and deeper.

"Really? Oh okay, um…can you come with me for a sec?" she asked in a completely calm voice. I couldn't tell if this was her normal calm voice or her 'I'm secretly pissed off and trying really hard not to slap you' calm voice. God I hoped it was the former.

"Uhhhhh…actually I um…I don't think I-" She grabbed my hand and started pulling me away from the spot I was standing in. "Oh okay I guess, I mean yeah sure why not." She dragged me towards the backyard, Frank openly laughing at the situation. We walked back to where we had our previous conversation. Well, she was walking…I was hardly moving my feet on my own. Once we were alone and away from people she pushed me against the wall forcefully. I don't know if it was meant to hurt me or turn me on but it kind of did a little of both. "Uh, Mitch-"

"Shut up," she said in a low voice before she ran her fingers through my hair, pulling my face into hers and crashing her lips into mine in a heated kiss. I was so caught off guard my eyes widened and I almost pushed her off of me…almost. I remembered that we weren't near other people and I eagerly kissed her back. She wasted no time in deepening the kiss. She licked my bottom lip and I immediately opened my mouth, nearly collapsing at the feeling of her tongue against mine. I was getting so caught up in the moment I hardly registered when she pulled back and punched me in the shoulder. I opened my eyes only to be met with an angry glare from Mitchie.

"Ow what the hell?"

"You _are_ high you asshole!" she yelled, now undoubtedly furious.

"What?" I asked, completely dumbfounded by the abrupt shift in mood.

"Don't lie to me. You taste like weed." She sounded so pissed off and I knew there was no way I was getting out of this.

"Wait…so that's why you kissed me?" I asked a little disappointed. I was really hoping she just wanted to make out with me.

"Well I couldn't really smell it on you. For some reason you smell like soap and…pizza?" Ugh, fucking Frank… "But I can smell it on your breath." She looked at me expectantly; she wanted me to admit to it.

"Um, okay…maybe a little…"

"Alex!"

"Please don't hit me!" I threw my arms up to cover my face and flinched in fear.

"God damn it Alex, why! Why would you do something so stupid?"

"What? It's not like you didn't know I smoke." Apparently that was the wrong thing to say because she punched me again. It didn't hurt as much as the first one but she looked just as mad.

"I don't _care_ that you smoke. I never did and I still don't! You can smoke weed all you want! Just not when I'm supposed to trust you to drive a fucking car!" Her anger was turning into anxiety and apprehension.

"Don't worry I'm fine," I tried to convince her but she remained unnerved.

"Fine? You can barely keep your eyes open! I don't even like getting in a car with you when you're sober; if you think I am going anywhere with you tonight-"

"I'm sorry!" I told her honestly but I doubt it sounded sincere with my excessive, unnecessary smiling. I bit my lip trying to keep myself under control.

"Stop laughing this isn't funny! God, you're so annoying when you're high."

"Nooo baaabe don't be mad at meee," I whined as I tried to pull her to me by her waist. She put her hands on my shoulders and stopped me.

"I'm going to kill you."

**Mitchie's POV**

"But we can just crash here it's not a big deal," she tried to reason with me but I didn't even want to hear it.

"That's not the point! I told you that you didn't even have to come here if you really didn't want to. You know how I feel about being in a car with you. You knew it and you promised me that you wouldn't drink."

"Hey technically I didn't drink anything," she pointed out as if it was going to justify what she did. I looked at her in disbelief and I swear it took everything in me not to hit her again. But of course I _was_ really mad…so I hit her anyway. "Ow! I'm sorry I'm sorry! I was kidding!"

"This isn't a joke! Why couldn't you just do this _one_ thing for me?"

"I'm sorry. I was just upset and I wanted to…I don't know, forget about everything for a while."

"Well now _I'm_ upset."

"I didn't mean to upset you," she said quietly and I almost felt bad for yelling at her; almost, but not quite.

"I know you didn't. You just didn't think because you never think before you do anything."

"Ugh when did this become 'shit on Alex' night?"

"Probably around the same time it became 'piss Mitchie off' night. Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to _not_ strangle you right now?"

"No please don't hit me again. I'm sorry can we just forget about this and go back inside? Please?" she asked with a pout. It was both confusing and absolutely frustrating how it was possible to want to slap someone and kiss someone at the same time. That couldn't be healthy.

"Remember how I said you're on thin ice?" She nodded her head quickly. "You still are!"

"Does that mean you're not mad?" she asked hopefully while flashing another smile.

"No I'm still mad." She frowned briefly before smiling again. She inched closer to me and put her hands on my hips. This time I let her.

"Mitchie you're so pretty…" I smacked away her hand which was grazing my cheek.

"Flattery will get you nowhere."

"Flattery will get me EVERYWHERE."

"You're so stupid," I said, shaking my head.

"But you love me…" I crossed my arms and remained quiet. "Right?" I still said nothing and her face dropped a little. "…RIGHT?" Her eyes were widened slightly and she actually looked like she was panicking. Try as I might I couldn't fight the smile that tried to make its way onto my face.

"Yes. You're irritating the hell out of me tonight but yes. I do." I watched as she became absolutely elated and I shook my head at her again.

"You're the best girlfriend in the whooooooole world!" She threw her arms around me and embraced me in a bone-crushing hug, which I returned.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. And lower your voice would you." She released me and apologized. "Come on, let's go back in. I gotta let my dad know we're not coming home tonight."

"You know…you could just drive us home if you want." I narrowed my eyes at her. "You know…or not."

"You're just chock full of great ideas tonight, aren't you?" We started walking back around the house, noticing there were less people on the deck and in the backyard. It must have been later than I thought it was.

"So wait…you really didn't just want to make out with me before?" It was just so hard to stay mad at her. First the whole thing with Sam and now this? I should be kicking her ass right now but I just couldn't bring myself to stay mad. It wouldn't be so hard if she wasn't so cute. Even if she is stoned off her ass.

"Maybe later," I offered with a laugh and we headed back inside. When we entered the kitchen there were less people there too. I guess the party was starting to die down.

"She's alive!" someone screamed from across the room and I looked around to see Frank sitting at the table, hand buried deep inside a giant bag of cheetos. It was beyond obvious that he was high too. I knew he was probably the one who convinced her to smoke in the first place. She used to always smoke with him. I never cared though; she can do whatever she wants.

"Barely. Mitchie beat me," Alex complained as she sat next to him and stole his food.

"I did not beat you."

"Yes she did. Look, you wanna see the bruise?" she asked him as she started to tug at the bottom of her shirt and lift it up. I held her hand in place.

"Aw why'd you make her stop?" Frank asked, clearly disappointed.

"Keep your clothes on, you are not bruised you baby." She readjusted her shirt back to normal.

"Fine I'll keep them on…for now," she said with a wink and Frank stared at us, smiling. "No you can't watch!" she added and slapped Frank upside the head. "Why is it so dead in here?"

"It's like two-thirty in the morning. We had to turn the music off or the neighbors were going to call the cops. People are starting to leave anyway. You staying here or what?"

"Looks like it. Hey, Mitch, since I already broke my promise does that mean I'm allowed to drink now?" she asked me as if she was scared of my reaction. I don't know why she was acting like I was so controlling.

"I'm not your mom do whatever you want," I told her and she scoffed in response.

"Please, as if my mom would give a shit." She reached in the fridge only to find that there was no beer in it. "The fuck is this?"

"There's only liquor in there now. I think there's some beer left downstairs if you want."

"Nooooo I am _not_ going back there!" she exclaimed while quickly shaking her head. What the hell happened downstairs that she's so freaked out by it?

"Why not?"

"Because…" she trailed off, trying to mouth something to Frank but I don't think he could comprehend anything.

"Oh no don't worry Nate left you won't have to deal with him again." She dropped her head and let it hit the table harshly. I felt bad for a moment because it sounded like it hurt but then I realized what he just said.

"You ran into Nate?" I asked her and she shot her head back up to glare at Frank.

"FRAAAAAAAAAANK," she groaned loudly and then slammed her head back down to where it was.

"Um…did something happen?" I asked looking in between the two friends sharing weird glances at each other. Alex's were annoyed and threatening and Frank's were amused and…well, just amused.

"Don't worry Mitchie…I handled it," he said confidently, putting a proud hand on his chest. Alex hardened her glare.

"You made it worse!"

"He was touching you." Ew. Okay I don't need to be hearing about this.

"Frank!"

"What? He was!" They were hardly acknowledging that I was still right here next to them. That is, until Alex turned to me, her face beyond anxious.

"Nothing happened, I swear."

"He put his hand in your pants," he added in which only made her eyes practically bulge out of her head.

"STOP. TALKING." Alex was getting livid. Her face was practically turning red from anger but her face always gets red when she's high. I had to admit though; this conversation was making me extremely uncomfortable.

"Alex, calm down. It's okay." Truth be told, it wasn't. Deep down I absolutely hated that he still technically had the right to touch her. I mean, he doesn't especially after the way he treats her but still…he's her boyfriend. I cringed. I hated saying that.

"But you…and…what?" Oh, well I guess she's past speaking actual sentences now.

"There's literally no point in arguing about this. First of all, you're retarded right now. Second, I already told you I'm tired of this…of him. Until you finally end it then we're just going to keep fighting about it. And I'm sick of fighting with you but there's obviously nothing I can do about it," I told her slightly disappointed and she turned back to Frank and slapped him in the head once again.

"You see what you did? Stop talking before I castrate you."

"Stop hitting me!" he said before slapping her face. I was a bit shocked that he did that. I know they always hit each other but to actually see him slap her in the face was weird…and she's not even fazed by it. She gets pushed around by Nate and abused by her mother and it completely destroys her. But here is a guy, significantly stronger than she is, hitting her in the face and she just brushes it off and hits him back as if it's nothing. They continued their little fight until Alex slammed her fist down onto his crotch and he fell off of his chair, shouting in pain. "Oh my God you piece of shit!" She doesn't even care when he insults her.

"It's not like there was anything there to hit."

"Go to hell!" He continued writhing in pain on the floor and Alex completely ignored him to turn her attention towards me again.

"So you're really not mad?"

"Let's just pretend that I'm not." She frowned, her bottom lip sticking out a little bit, and I sighed. I hated when she used that face on me; I was powerless against it. "Fine, I'm not."

"Are you trying to trick me?" she asked as Frank continued complaining about his crushed testicles and Alex snapped at him. "Hey! Shut up down there!"

"Fuck you! And to think I was gonna split my bowl with you, you bitch!" At that she perked up and tried to help him off of the ground.

"Wait a minute. I'm sorry; do you want ice or…a…band-aid?"

"What the fuck would a band-aid do? God, you're dumb."

"Maybe you want a tampon instead," she said cheekily and he flipped her off from the tiled floor. She held out her hand and pulled him to stand up. "But seriously, you should split it…" she encouraged but then stopped and looked at me, almost hopefully.

"You're already stoned and we're staying here anyway so go ahead."

"Are you sure?" I laughed at her uncertainty. She was so paranoid and she still wanted to smoke more? Sometimes I think this girl has no sense of logic.

"Yes. You don't have to ask for permission, Alex." She beamed and clapped her hands excitedly.

"Yay! Do you want in?" I laughed again at how stupid she could be. "Stop shaking your head at me!"

"Sorry. And I can't, remember? You have fun though. I'm going to call my dad and tell him we're staying here." She smiled widely again and Frank grabbed her arm and started dragging her away so they could get even higher than they already were. As they exited the kitchen and my line of sight I heard him talking to her.

"You hit the jackpot with her; she lets you get high _and_ get touched by other people! Ow!" What an idiot. I didn't even have to see them to know that Alex most likely slapped him…again.

"Miiiiiitch," someone droned next to me and I recognized Zach's drunken voice instantly. He smelled like tequila anyway; it wasn't hard to guess that he was standing right next to me. He sat down in the chair next to me. "Sup?"

"Nothing. Alex and I need to crash here."

"Sure but why? I thought she had her car."

"She's too high to even walk home let alone drive." He started laughing although I still didn't find the situation all that funny.

"That's hilarious," he continued but stopped once he saw the blank look on my face. "I mean it's terrible. How could she…"

"Whatever. It's not _that_ big of a deal. I just wish she didn't promise me a million times that she would be sober the whole night so she could bring us back home."

"Where is she now?"

"Smoking with Frank again…"

"You're actually letting her?"

"Why does everyone think it's so outrageous that I don't care? I don't have to 'let' her do anything. She's her own person; just because we're dating doesn't mean I control her," I explained, whispering the last part even though practically no one was near us.

"I guess. It's a good thing you trust her."

"What do you mean?"

"So much shit happens to you two."

"Yeah, hence why I'm letting this go…along with everything else that happened tonight."

"Well then…she's lucky. I would've killed her." Since when does he have a problem with Alex?

"The thing with Sam wasn't even her fault. Almost everything that happened tonight was mostly because of Frank anyway."

"And yet you're letting her smoke with him again?" There he goes again…

"Enough with that word! She's my girlfriend, not my child. She can do whatever she wants," I said clearly and slowly so he would finally understand me.

"Yeah…with Frank…who you even said was the cause of all the problems tonight." What was he getting at? Frank is one of Alex's closest friends; I know he means well.

"I'm not going to tell her to stop hanging out with him."

"I don't know…they just…" I narrowed my eyes at him. I knew what he was trying to tell me. I just didn't believe he'd actually think something like that.

"You know, as much as she hates Eric, not once did she ever tell me I wasn't allowed to be friends with him. She trusts me and I trust her. And I don't even have anything against Frank. Sure, he's a dumbass but he's harmless." He put his hands up in defeat and thankfully dropped the subject.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry I said anything. You're right." He gave up and left me in the kitchen. I dropped my head into one of my hands, now even more frustrated than I already was. Honestly, next time I'm just going to listen to Alex. We seriously should have just skipped this one. We need to stop being so dysfunctional before we can actually be out in public with other people. I just seriously can't fathom that so much shit could happen to two people.

I pulled out my cell phone and had a short debate with myself on whether I should call my dad or send him a text message. On one hand he could be sleeping and he might get annoyed if I wake him up but on the other he might get pissed if I send a text but he doesn't get it until morning. I'd rather he know what's going on anyway. That way I stay out of trouble and my mom won't come hunting me down worried that I died or something. I quickly called him and after a few rings he picked up.

"Mitch? Why are you calling so late?" he asked only sounding slightly worried. It would be a completely different story if I was calling my mom at this hour.

"I'm sorry. Were you sleeping?"

"No. Where are you? I thought you would have been home by now."

"That's actually why I was calling. Um, Alex and I are just going to stay the night at Zach's with a bunch of others…if that's alright." I was suddenly feeling nervous. I didn't want to explain why all of a sudden we changed our minds. I didn't want to explain that Alex decided that instead of staying sober and driving home she smoked a bunch of pot and now can't even walk straight.

"I thought Alex was gonna drive you guys back. Is everything okay?"

"Yeah, we just…" I didn't know what to tell him so he wouldn't suspect something.

"Is she drunk?" Crap.

"No, no." Well it's true. "I swear she's fine. We just lost track of time and we're tired so we don't feel like driving back." That sounded believable enough…to me anyway.

"Oh, alright. When will you be back tomorrow?"

"Probably sometime in the morning."

"Okay, I just want to give your mother some sort of an answer so she doesn't send the police looking for you." Typical.

"Don't worry, we won't be too late. Thanks Dad, I love you."

"I love you too, sweetie. Goodnight."

"Night." I hung up and was about to get out of my seat when I heard someone coming up the stairs from the basement laughing hysterically. Frank emerged through the door almost out of breath from laughing so hard and tripped on the last few steps. He fell over and remained on the floor, completely incapable of standing back up. "Well that didn't take long. You've only been gone for like, a few minutes."

"She's buggin' out! She can't even climb the stairs; she said it's too far." There were practically tears in his eyes as he doubled over on his side.

"Are you kidding me, where is she?" He pointed towards the door he just toppled out of and I stood up to see for myself. Before I even reached the stairs Alex came stumbling out and tripped over Frank's body. Thankfully I caught her before she hit the floor as well.

"What! You catch her but when _I_ fall you just sit there and watch?" Frank shouted as he finally pulled himself up using the counter for support.

"That's because she likes me more. Dumbass." I steadied her and let go once I thought she was okay to stand up on her own.

"Are you okay?" I took a moment to study her disheveled form. Pieces of her hair were falling in front of her face and there wasn't a single white space left in her eyes. Her face was still red as if she just ran a mile or two.

"Yeah."

"Liar!" She glared at him before straightening herself out and pushing her hair out of her face. "She took like three huge hits and kept forgetting where she was and started freaking out. It was hilarious."

"It was not!" she exclaimed a little too loudly considering most of the people left and the kitchen was pretty quiet. Even though I know Alex probably was freaking out I couldn't hold back the laugh that escaped my mouth. "Fuck you guys. Where are my keys? I'm going home." She started feeling her pockets even though I know they're not in there.

"Good luck, I'm gonna finish this bowl." He headed back down to the basement leaving us alone while Alex continued to search herself.

"Where the fuck is all my stuff?"

"Alex, calm down. Your keys are in your bag…which is upstairs. And there is no way in hell you're driving," I told her as I sat back down in the same chair I was in before.

"Try and stop me," she challenged but I just laughed again. I was more entertained than annoyed with her right now.

"Fine, go for it. Have fun getting up the stairs though." Her face fell and she let out a long groan before taking a seat…on me.

"Ughhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. Carry me," she demanded and I knew she was going to get fed up with me laughing at her but I couldn't help myself.

"I'm not gonna carry you up the stairs so you can drive."

"I want McDonald's," she said stubbornly like a five year old.

"Alex it's like almost three in the morning we're not going out for food."

"Please?"

"No."

"Pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeease," she begged while bouncing up and down on my leg. I grabbed her by the hips to stop her movements before she fell off.

"No it's not even open! I promise we'll go tomorrow first thing when we wake up."

"Yayyyyyy." She twisted her upper body around and threw her arms around my neck, leaning in to kiss me. Luckily _I_ could still think straight and I turned my head so she ended up planting a sloppy kiss on my cheek. "Sorrrrryyyy I forgot." She tried turning back around but lost her balance and almost slid off of my leg.

"You wanna go upstairs?"

"Oooh Mitchie you're so forward."

"No you pervert I meant I think you need to lie down."

"On top of you." Jesus Christ.

"Okay, you need a nap. C'mon let's go." I tapped her side so she would get off of me but she wouldn't move. Instead she just put her arms around me again.

"Fine…but can you still carry me?" I just stared at her thinking she was joking. Apparently she wasn't. "It's far," she said with that same pout from before. And just like before…I was powerless.

"The things I do for you…"

"Yesss! Thaaaank youuuu!" I sighed and she got off my lap so I could stand up and move in front of her.

"Hop on." She held my shoulders and leaped on my back, wrapping her legs around my waist and her arms around my neck tightly.

"Oh my Godddddd you're the besttttt!" She wasn't heavy but it's not like she was putting in any effort. It was like carrying a dead person. Still, I managed to get her all the way up the stairs even though it was at an extremely slow pace. I walked into the empty guest room and dropped Alex on the bed.

"You were right; that _was_ far," I said as I shut the door and locked it so no one else would come in to crash here. I turned around to see Alex wiggling around on the bed. "What are you doing?"

"It's SO HOT IN HERE." She kicked her sneakers off, taking her socks off in the process, and removed her hoodie, tossing it on the floor. "Turn the air conditioner on this room is an oven."

"I can't control it and it's actually pretty cold in here," I tried to tell her but she kept complaining. I went over to the dresser and went through Zach's old clothes and found a pair of shorts that looked like it wouldn't be too big on me. I had a tank top on underneath my shirt so I stayed in that and I changed out of my jeans. "Alex do you want pants or shorts?" I called over my shoulder.

"Neither!" I went back to the bed and she was still moving around, clearly uncomfortable. "I'm boiling."

"It's really not that hot in here." She whined some more and started taking her own shirt off frantically. "You alright?"

"UGH THESE CLOTHES!" She finally got out of it and threw it next to where her shoes were. She tried taking her pants off but only got as far as unbuttoning them. "Get these clothes off of me!" I stifled my laughter and moved over to where she was and tugged her jeans off the rest of the way and tossed it aside for her.

"Better?"

"Holy crap!"

"What did you smoke pot or take ecstasy?"

"What! You think I'm crazy? Feel my skin." Before I could say anything she grabbed my hands and placed them on her bare abdomen. She wasn't kidding. Her body was burning underneath my fingers but I couldn't tell if it was from the temperature of the room. I let my hands linger for a while as I finally took in her appearance. She was in nothing but her bra and underwear and her cheeks had a red tint to them. I couldn't deny that I was completely turned on by the way she looks right now.

"Wow," was all I could say and I honestly don't even know what I was referring to at this point. She still had her hands on top of mine but she slowly started to move them to hold my arms and then my shoulders. She brought her hazy, bloodshot eyes to meet mine and without warning came into me and attacked my lips with hers.

It didn't take long for the kiss to quicken and soon her breathing got heavier much like my own. My hands moved from her stomach to her exposed back and she tangled her fingers in my hair pulling me even closer. I pushed her to lie down while my knees were on either side of her. Her tongue invaded my mouth and she rocked her hips into mine, eliciting a moan from me. I was on another planet. I swear it was like I was high too. Even though this night has been hell I would be lying if I said I haven't been dying to kiss her the whole time.

She leaned up slightly and flipped us over so she was straddling me. We broke apart once our lungs were on fire but it didn't stop her from quickly moving to my neck and sucking on it. Her hot hands trailed under my shirt as she continued kissing the sensitive area by my collarbone. I dragged my nails across her back as I felt her bite down lightly before moving to the spot under my ear. I couldn't stop the whimper that escaped my lips.

I moved so that I was sitting up with her in my lap and I ran my fingers through her hair and pulled her off of my neck so I could kiss her lips again. Her hands moved behind me, unhooking my bra, and she pulled my shirt off with it. My heart rate was accelerating faster than it ever has in my life and my stomach was twisting, but in a good way. I moaned her name into her mouth as I felt her hands on my bare chest and she kissed me even harder.

It was like I couldn't control myself…and I was the sober one. I was so into it I barely noticed her pushing me back on the bed. She detached herself from me once again and started kissing down my jaw. I thought my heart was going to beat right out of my chest. She continued to kiss her way to my chest and down to my stomach, which started twisting even more. She finally reached the waistband of my shorts and slowly slid them down my legs.

Her hands were caressing my sides and she brought herself back up to place a sweet kiss on my lips. Her hands carefully inched lower and gripped my inner thighs. Her fingers played at the hem of my underwear and something inside of me just…snapped. I felt really terrible for what I was about to do but something possessed me to stop her before she could go any further. I grabbed her hands and pulled away from her kiss. My eyes were still closed and we were both breathing heavily.

"Stop." One word…and I somehow felt like the worst person in the world. I opened my eyes to see her confused, flushed face staring back at me.

"Why? What's wrong? Did I do something?" she asked, worried and I shook my head not wanting her to feel bad for anything. This was all me this time.

"No, I just…I'm sorry." She sat up, still sitting on my waist and moved her hands so she wasn't touching me anymore.

"Are you okay?" She sounded even more concerned now. She probably thought this had something to do with my anxiety but that wasn't the case. I reached for her hands and laced our fingers together.

"Yeah I'm fine but…I just can't."

"Oh…why not?" she asked, genuinely curious. She didn't seem like she was mad or anything and I silently thanked God I didn't upset her or piss her off by doing this.

"I'm sorry Alex. I didn't mean to lead you to think I was ready. I didn't even mean for it to go that far but…I'm just…not ready. I'm sorry." She bent down and kissed me softly; no lust or urgency, just love.

"It's okay. You don't have to be sorry."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I get it. I don't want to pressure you to do something you're not ready for. I know you've never done this before, and even though I have, I love you and it doesn't matter to me. We don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with. I'll wait as long as you need." I looked up at her and I knew that she was being one hundred percent sincere with me and I believed every word she just said. I didn't think it was possible to fall even more in love with her but I think I just did.

"Thank you. And I love you too." I leaned up to kiss her again before she climbed off of me and handed my clothes back to me. I put them back on but she, however, remained half naked and plopped down on her stomach at the foot of the bed. "You comfortable?" I asked, amused once again at her antics. Her muffled response into the blanket came out as a low hum. I take it she was finally burnt out from the weed. "Alex, you're on the wrong side." I grabbed her hand to pull her to a normal sleeping position but she just rolled on top of me and stayed there instead.

"Now I'm comfortable," she said smiling lazily as she rested her head on my chest. I laughed quietly and started playing with her hair. She sighed in contentment and wound her arms under my shoulders. Normally I would tell her to get off but I was perfectly happy the way we were. I just wanted to be close to her. "I'm sorry about everything that happened tonight." What? Where did that come from? I thought we had this conversation already.

"It's okay. You already apologized for this and I told you not to worry about it," I reminded her but she continued anyway.

"I didn't mean to get so upset before. I just feel like everything and everyone is trying to pull us apart. And I don't want to lose you."

"You're not going to."

"I know you wanted to come here so we could have a normal night with everyone for a change. One of these days we will…" she promised with a yawn and I chuckled quietly.

"C'mon Alex; you have a mother and a fake boyfriend who abuse you and my life is one big psychological disorder after another. Let's face it; we're never going to be normal." As serious as I was she laughed a little as well.

"You forgot the whole 'gay' thing."

"And we're dating each other. I guess we're just freaks." She snuggled into me more, her body lying down on top of mine giving me a feeling of both warmth and security.

"Will you still love me even though I'm a freak?" she asked tiredly and somewhat seriously and I laughed again, wrapping my arms around her shoulders. I hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. I swear I could hold this girl in my arms forever.

"Always."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Light My Fire by The Doors**


	7. Island In The Sun

**A/N 1: Holy shit, did I die or something? Well it feels like it. I'm sick, exhausted, have writer's block, and I never get a second to breathe anymore. I'm trying to write every chance I get. I'm trying to get to certain parts in this story but I don't want to rush or skip ahead too much. Once again, sorry for my disappearance. I have most of the next chapter thought up so hopefully it won't take forever.**

**A/N 2: While I suffer through writer's block and such causing long absences with this story, I think I am going to start writing short stories/one-shots to post in the mean time. Of course they will have nothing to do with this, but considering I am always coming up with plot lines and reject them for not going with this story it won't take long to write. I have one almost finished. I'll post if you guys want me to.  
><strong>

**Let me know what you think. Read, review, favorite, alert, all that good shit.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>7. Island In The Sun<p>

_And it makes me feel so fine  
>I can't control my brain<br>We'll run away together  
>We'll spend some time forever<br>We'll never feel bad anymore_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

My eyes shot open to blinding sunlight trickling into the bedroom through the half-turned blinds. I didn't feel that familiar sting in my neck and I breathed a sigh of relief when I realized that I woke up before anything happened. I really must be getting better at this. I had been careless though. I usually never forget but with everything that happened yesterday it must have slipped my mind. My heart rate started to slow down back to a normal pace but there was still an overwhelming feeling of pressure in my chest. I tried to get up but something was stopping me. I almost freaked out until I heard the sound of light snoring coming from close by. I looked down and smiled at my girlfriend's sleeping form.

My hand had been resting on her bare back; she still wasn't wearing any clothes. Her arms were at my sides and her cheek was pressed against my chest. I could feel the goosebumps underneath my fingertips. They were trailing up her back and down the length of her arms. I gently brought my other hand to rest on her back as well and I felt how cold her skin was. She didn't want to cover herself last night because she had been dying of heat and I didn't need to because Alex served as my own personal blanket and kept me warm. I reached for the comforter and pulled it up to her shoulders.

I have honestly never felt so genuinely happy. It's weird. Anyone would have blown up and gotten mad at all the things that happened yesterday. I should have. I had every right to be completely pissed off at Alex. I caught her in a closet with Sam all over her…which led to us almost getting outed in front of everybody, she got stoned even after she promised she would be sober the whole night for me, and apparently Nate was touching her again. Call me crazy but I let all of it go. It's not like she was trying to hurt me or something. I know Alex and she would never do something like that.

I thought back to all of the night's incidents and sighed. I think I felt bad for Alex more than I was actually mad at her. I mean, yeah, I was mad but I'm not holding anything against her. It's not her fault she was forced into a closet with someone who doesn't know the meaning of the word 'no.' Poor thing practically had a heart attack in there too. Nate is an asshole and like I told Alex last night; there is nothing I can do about it. The whole smoking thing only upset me because she broke a promise. Other than that I have to say that the night turned out a lot better than I had expected.

Alex can be a handful at times and overreacts to a lot of things but she is still the sweetest person I know. I truly did feel bad for not stopping when I realized how far we were going but I couldn't help myself. I don't know why but I just couldn't do it. And it's not because I don't want to. Believe me, I want to. It was different with Shane or even Eric. Sure, I've had the opportunity. Eric's been trying to have sex with me for the longest time. I dated Shane for a year and never even did anything like that with him. It's not surprising, really. I never loved either of them. I thought I loved Shane but looking back it was never more than just really good friends.

There is no doubt in my mind that I love Alex. We haven't been going out for a long time and normally people would think it's too soon to be getting too physical but that's not even the case. We've been friends since we were twelve. I trust her with my life and love her more than I ever thought I could love someone. She makes me feel things I've never felt before…and that honestly scares me. I'm lucky to have someone who doesn't mind that I'm not really ready for that yet.

I ran one of my hands through her hair softly and smiled even more. She looked so cute I wanted to lean down and kiss her but I didn't want to wake her up. The pot knocked her out so I wanted to let her sleep. I glanced around the room but there was no clock or anything to tell me what time it was. I reached over to the table beside the bed as best as I could with Alex's body still lying down on top of mine. I grabbed my phone and saw that it was a little past eleven. I told my dad we'd be home in the morning but I figured he could wait until the afternoon. He knows where I am anyway.

As much as I wanted to stay here in bed I carefully tried to slip out without disturbing Alex. I grabbed her shoulders and pushed her up so I could shimmy my way out from under her. Once I was free I laid her back down but she started to stir a little. Her eyes barely opened and she looked around the room confused.

"Mitch?" she asked groggily, her voice a little raspy from sleep. I leaned over the bed and brushed her hair away from her eyes.

"Hey I'm right here."

"What time is it?"

"Don't worry it's still early. Go back to sleep. I'll wake you up later."

"Where are you going?" Her eyes were still practically closed; I don't think she knew where I was.

"I'm just going downstairs to see if anyone else is awake. I'll be back up later."

"Okay." I kissed her forehead and she turned over and fell back asleep almost instantly. I didn't bother changing. I just put my hoodie back on and slipped on my sneakers. I made my way down the stairs and it was pretty quiet. I think everyone was still asleep. I walked into the kitchen and saw Frank and Zach sitting at the table, half asleep and eating.

"Morning Mitch," they said before Zach added in, "You want breakfast?"

"No I was gonna go out to get food for me and Alex for when she wakes up." At that Frank started laughing.

"She passed the fuck out didn't she," he said before shoving a spoonful of cereal into his mouth. "I'm surprised she stayed awake as long as she did. What a champ."

"She was pretty bad. She started freaking out again when we got upstairs. She started burning up and ripping her clothes off," I said and he tried not to spit his milk out.

"And I missed it? God damn it."

"You're washing my sheets," Zach threw in before putting his plate in the sink.

"Oh shut up, nothing happened." They both started laughing and I crossed my arms.

"Yeah, _sure_."

"Whatever you say, Mitch."

"Ugh, you guys suck. Who else is still here?"

"Uhh, it's just us, Alex, Jimmy and Vanessa might have slept here I don't really know, Eric was supposed to but I think I pissed him off last night. Oops." He didn't seem like he really cared. Zach and Eric were best friends but lately they've had their differences. Either way, I'm glad he took care of him last night when he wouldn't leave me alone.

"Eric is so fucking weird. There, I said it," Frank announced with his mouth full. "I can't believe you used to hook up with him. Like, what do you guys even talk about? He's so boring."

"We didn't really even talk much. He's not _that_ bad."

"Bad enough to make you go gay." No wonder Alex hits him all the time. "How did that even happen by the way?"

"What? Me and Alex?" He nodded. "I don't know, after a while it just…did."

"And nobody knows? Just me and Zach? Not even your parents?"

"Nope, no one knows. Well…Sam knows, but she's a different story." I rolled my eyes at the thought of the persistent girl.

"Sam's a crazy bitch. I didn't think she actually wanted to do that with her. I thought it would be funny."

"Yeah Frank, it was hilarious," I said dryly, sarcasm dripping in my voice. He didn't seem to notice.

"You're gonna have to do something about Nate though. That dude seriously has problems. I thought he was going to punch Alex in the face last night." I seriously hated hearing about that boy. Hearing that he almost put his hands on her again made my skin crawl.

"Don't even get me started. Alex is just terrified to break up with him."

"I'll kick his ass if he tries anything," he said with conviction and I eased up a little at his words. I found myself smiling. Even though Frank is retarded I'm glad Alex has him as a friend. He really does care about her, despite hitting her all the time and getting her high.

"Thanks. Could you just kick his ass anyway?" I joked and he snorted.

"Didn't you do that already? Fuckin' Mike Tyson over here," he said gesturing towards me and I sighed loudly.

"No one's ever going to let that one go, are they?"

"Never. That was the greatest thing I've ever witnessed. I mean it was up until he knocked you out."

"I _hate_ him."

"How does that even work? I mean, you and Alex and Nate." I wished he would just stop asking about him. This is one situation I don't want to have to talk about…ever.

"I try not to think about it."

"Wow, you're a saint Mitchie. You're a cool girlfriend. Normal people wouldn't stick around after all that shit. Good thing you're not normal."

"Says the guy eating his cereal with a fork," I pointed out and he smacked me on the arm with said fork, getting milk on my sweater sleeve.

"Not my fault Zach doesn't know how to do the dishes."

"Hey you're lucky I'm letting you eat anything at all. You and Alex raided my entire kitchen last night you fucking potheads," Zach said, not really angrily, but somewhat annoyed. "And you let _this guy_ talk your girlfriend into smoking? Good call, Mitch." I bit back the scoff that I wanted to let out.

"Oh what_ever_. It could have been worse. At least she's happy when she smokes. When she's drunk she gets unpredictably emotional. She's like a pregnant woman with her mood swings. When she's high she's just…an idiot." I smiled recalling how stupid she was last night. Sure she can get annoying but it's more entertaining than it is anything else really. Zach shook his head and left the kitchen. It was just me and Frank now.

"What's his problem?" he asked nodding in the direction Zach just went. I took a seat across from him and sighed.

"I honestly don't know. He's going all 'protective big brother' on me. He wasn't even like that when I was with Shane. I mean, he was, but it's worse now." He thought about it for a moment as he chewed slowly, swallowing the small amount of food he could actually manage to collect on a fork.

"Maybe it's because he knows how serious you are now." I tilted my head slightly in confusion.

"What do you mean?"

"Like, you and Shane weren't that serious. Yeah you went out for a while but still. It wasn't that serious, right?"

"No. Well, I thought I loved him so I guess it was a little. But with Alex…I know it's real." I don't know why I was telling him all of this. Frank and I were friends but we've never been that close. I guess it didn't matter. I was a little happy that I had someone else to talk to about Alex. Considering the only other person who knows is Zach it gets a little frustrating, especially when Zach thinks they're _too_ close.

"That's cool. So you guys done it yet or what?" he asked with a sly grin and wiggling eyebrows.

"That is none of your business," I informed him before getting up and walking over to the fridge. I scanned it and grabbed a water bottle before closing it.

"You guys definitely fuck like rabbits."

"Why am I still talking to you?" I asked, playfully shoving him as I walked past him.

"Can you call me next time? I can't believe I missed it last night."

"Nothing happened!" I shouted as I headed out the kitchen and up the stairs. I slowly walked into the room Alex was in only to find that she was still sound asleep. I quietly went over to the table by the bed and left the water bottle there and dug through the drawers for paper and a pen. After leaving a quick note I left before she could wake up.

I went through the kitchen, ignoring Frank's sex jokes, and left through the back door. I shook my head as I descended the steps off the porch and rounded the house to the street. The weather was perfect. The wind was blowing and it was only slightly chilly out. I didn't mind being in only shorts. This was my favorite kind of weather. I started walking. I needed to clear my head anyway.

**Alex's POV**

I'm not going to lie; opening my eyes was probably the most difficult task in the world at the moment. Even when I felt like I had them open I couldn't see for shit. My vision was beyond blurred and my eyelids felt like they weighed a ton each. I rubbed at them furiously but it hardly helped. I felt around mindlessly until I remembered that Mitchie wasn't here anymore. I should have known that considering I was lying down on a mattress and not a person.

I sighed, but it was a happy sigh, despite knowing how much trouble I was in. I can't believe I am even still alive. I seriously thought Mitchie was going to murder me but I forgot that I had quite possibly the most wonderful girlfriend in the entire world. A shiver traveled throughout my body as I hugged the blanket closer to me. Why the fuck was I so cold?

I looked down to see that I was only in my bra and underwear. Suddenly everything came flooding back and I squeezed my eyes shut. When I reopened them, I still couldn't see all that well. My horrible eyesight aside…_I almost had sex with Mitchie last night_…almost. I mentally slapped myself.

I mean, I would in a heartbeat but I know Mitchie. I shouldn't have even gone that far with her. She didn't even have to tell me; I knew she wasn't ready. But I meant what I told her. It didn't matter to me. Heck, I would stay with her even if we _never_ had sex. I love her that much. I don't want to make her feel uncomfortable. Just being with her is honestly enough for me.

Speaking of Mitchie, I wonder why she isn't back yet. I tried sitting up but I was extremely stiff. My back cracked as I twisted around, making all kinds of weird noises. I groaned trying to push myself off of the bed. When my feet hit the floor I slowly realized that I had the spins. I thought I was going to fall over and die. I held the nightstand for support. When I focused my vision, as best as I could, I nearly cried from happiness upon seeing a cold water bottle sitting there. A torn piece of paper was sitting next to it.

_ALEX_

_In case you woke up – I went out for a bit. Be back soon. Love you._

I turned it over.

_I left you a present for your cotton mouth. You're welcome._

Oh, this girl was precious. A chuckle escaped my lips and it sounded hoarse as hell. I coughed a couple times and wasted no time in unscrewing the cap and chugging the water, finishing it within seconds. I had a short debate with myself on whether or not I wanted to put clothes on before I went downstairs. I thought about if I even wanted to go downstairs. I didn't know who was down there so I reluctantly put my jeans and shirt back on, went to the bathroom real quick, and exited the room.

Frank was sitting in the kitchen by himself, looking intently at the table in front of him. I sat next to him and he looked up and stared at me. He looked me up and down like he was trying to find something. I didn't know what it was but it was starting to make me feel weird. I mean, I always knew he was weird and I almost never know what's going on in his head but this was different.

"What?" I asked as he narrowed his eyes at me. Was I missing something?

"Huh…maybe I was wrong." God, he's weird.

"About what?"

"About you and Mitchie having sex. Good, so I didn't miss it." I rolled my eyes and slapped his arm.

"You're such an idiot. First of all, no, we didn't have sex. And second, why the _hell_ would I invite you?"

"Because that would be awesome."

"Never going to happen."

"Then why am I even friends with you?"

"You just found out last night! See, this is why I didn't tell you. Not because I was afraid but because I knew you wouldn't stop bothering me about it."

"Just one time…please."

"You're useless. Where's Mitchie?"

"I don't know she left a while ago, no idea where she went though. But I have something while you wait for her…" He grinned, showing all of his teeth and reached into a backpack that was sitting on the table. He pulled out a dark blue bong, sitting at just a little bit over a foot long. My jaw dropped.

"Oh. My. God."

"Wake and baaaaaaaaaake, come on let's go!" he yelled excitedly but I shook my head. I knew better than to go along with it this time.

"Um…pass." He widened his eyes.

"Whaaaaaaaat? How can you refuse this?"

"I know, it's crazy, but after last night I don't want to risk it again. I don't know when Mitchie and I are supposed to go home and I don't want to be high again when I'm supposed to be driving." He made a whipping noise and gesture and I glared at him. He didn't know about Mitchie's anxiety though. "You're a dick."

"Whatever, queer, more for me." My face dropped. Was he seriously calling me that again?

"Really, Frank? Really?"

"Oh…you know what I mean. Don't be so sensitive." He took out a small bag from his pocket and looked at me. "Last chance, I'm breaking now.

"No, you enjoy. I'd rather not get my ass kicked a second time."

"Maybe you could have hot angry sex afterwards…after calling me first." Well that _would_ be nice…I shook the thought from my head.

"Sure Frank…I'll do that…" I patted him on the shoulder, humoring him as he pumped his fist in satisfaction at my compliance. _Idiot_.

"Sweet. Now hold this," he said as he handed me the small bowl so he could pack it carefully. "I'm gonna get fucked up before work. I can't stand that place sober."

"How hard is it to be a stock boy at a drug store? You're so lazy."

"You don't even have a job!" I shrugged. He had a point. "I could probably get them to hire you if you want." I thought about it briefly. A job couldn't hurt and I could definitely use the money. Plus it would work as a great excuse for never being home. I mean, that's why my parents are never there.

"Yeah I guess you could ask."

"Yes! Now I will have someone to burn with on my breaks!"

"I know I used to smoke with you all the time but after stopping for so long it's kind of weird getting back into it." He opened the window behind him and turned back around and filled water into the bong. Once he had the right amount he took the bowl from me and put it back in and lit it. This kid's lung capacity was actually ridiculous. He blew the smoke out in the direction of the window.

"That will never ever happen to me. And if for some reason it does…please kill me." Spoken like a true stoner.

"Gladly." I sat with Frank, chatting casually as he continued smoking. Our conversation slowly got more and more retarded the higher he got. I don't know how much time had passed but he was in the middle of explaining why he thinks that bellybuttons are irrelevant when I heard the back door open. Mitchie walked in and just stared at us with her eyebrow raised.

"Seriously guys? It's barely past noon."

"It's never too early or too late to burn!" Frank shouted, unnecessarily loud, before repacking his bong, as if he even needed more.

"It's like, foggy in here; how much did you guys smoke?" she asked as she took a seat next to me.

"_He_ is trying to take a dub to the face. I, on the other hand, smoked nothing." She didn't look like she believed me.

"You didn't?"

"No. I'm not high I'm just really tired. Look smell my breath." I blew out in her direction and she wrinkled her nose.

"Jesus why is your breath so minty?"

"I didn't have a toothbrush so I gargled like half a bottle of Listerine."

"Oh, okay."

"You believe me, right?" She giggled and looked at me funny.

"Of course I do." I smiled back at her and she seemed to remember something because her expression changed. "Oh, I almost forgot. I have another present for you this morning." She brought her hand up to the table, placing a white paper bag on it. I practically had an orgasm.

"OH MY GOD I FUCKING LOVE YOU." She laughed at my enthusiasm and handed me the bag. I didn't even care what was in it. I was too happy to care.

"You didn't think I'd forget my promise, did you? I got you your favorite." I gazed at the McDonald's logo and dug my hand into the bag, pulling out large fries and a strawberry milkshake. I just died and went to heaven. She knows me so well.

"You are the best, most perfect girlfriend in the entire world!" I exclaimed as I leaned over and kissed her fiercely. I would have stayed like this longer but I didn't fail to remember who was sitting next to us. I pulled away from Mitchie and turned to see Frank smiling stupidly at us.

"Ew." Apparently Zach had joined us too.

"So hot." Frank was still smiling, his eyes hazy and heavy-lidded.

"No it's not, it's like if you were watching your sister make out with her boyfriend." At that mental image Frank grimaced and shook his head. I pulled away from Mitchie, albeit reluctantly, and inhaled my food. Fast food was the greatest cure for a weed hangover.

"Alright guys shut up, we stopped." Mitchie said, stealing one of my fries. "God out of all the people to know about us it had to be these two?"

"Tell me about it. We have the uptight prude and the horny pothead."

"Says the _horny pothead_."

"Hey…I am _not_ a pothead!" Mitchie laughed with a slight blush, hitting me on my arm.

"Make out again!" Frank cheered and I shrugged my shoulders and leaned into her. To my surprise she leaned in too until my mouth met her palm and she moved me out of the way.

"Not gonna happen." He booed us and went back to lighting his bong. She pulled her hand from me and I stared at her with a pout. "Don't look at me like that."

"Damn it Frank you ruin everything."

"You love me!"

"I do, unfortunately." I smiled and grabbed Mitchie's hand to kiss it. "But I love her more."

"Ugh, I'm going to go cry in a corner now." He faked a sob and Mitchie and I just stared at him. He really was the weirdest person I know.

"So when do you want to leave?" I asked, ignoring my stoned friend.

"You're not too tired to drive now?"

"Nah, the food woke me up. Thank you by the way. I almost forgot I asked."

"I'm not surprised."

"Well don't worry, I'm sober now and ready to go."

"Okay, I'm just gonna change real quick and we'll head home?" I nodded and she went up the stairs leaving me with the human chimney.

"Dude I still can't believe you two are together." I chewed my lip and looked at him weirdly.

"Why?"

"I dunno it's like…you…and…her. It's so weird. Hot…but weird. Like, I just couldn't see you with her." It could be the weed talking but I didn't know if he was being serious or not.

"Well…who could you see me with?" He looked at me for what seemed like an entire minute before he broke his gaze.

"I don't know, I mean like…I just couldn't, but now…I can."

"Really?"

"Yeah…it makes sense, you know? Better than Nate too."

"Trust me, I know. And thanks."

"But now I gotta find me another bottom bitch," he said in mock sadness and I laughed as I leaned into him for a hug.

"Oh Frank you know you'll always have me."

"Yeah, yeah, I'm sure." I pulled away from him as Mitchie re-entered the kitchen now fully dressed in the clothes she was wearing last night.

"You ready?"

"Yeah, let's go. See you later, Frank!" I called out as I got up and left hand-in-hand with Mitchie. We got in my car and she still took a second to collect herself. I didn't start driving until she seemed like she was okay. I slowly pulled away from the curb and started driving.

Mitchie's house isn't that far so I was surprised when she didn't notice we were driving for longer than we should have been. Well, then again, she was trying not to pay attention to the fact that we were driving at all. I'm sure she would eventually realize that I wasn't actually taking us home. Sure enough, she looked around confused.

"Alex…what are you doing?"

"Driving…"

"Yes…I can see that. Are you like, not taking us home or something?"

"Nah," I replied nonchalantly as I continued driving at a leisurely speed.

"…What? Where are we going?" I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know. Out. I thought we could spend the day together, like a date, so I could make it up to you for…you know…being an ass last night," I told her sheepishly, avoiding eye contact. Mainly, I didn't want to take my eyes off the road for her sake.

"You weren't an _ass_."

"Fine, maybe not an ass but…dumb, I guess. I shouldn't have done what I did. It was stupid of me."

"Don't worry about it. All is forgiven." I would have kissed her or reached out to hold her hand but I had to remind myself to keep both hands on the wheel.

"You're too good to me."

"I know," she said matter-of-factly but followed after with a laugh. I was so glad that she wasn't angry with me. After about twenty more minutes of casual conversation and music playing in the background Mitchie looked around confused once again. "Seriously Alex, where are you taking us? I don't even know where we are."

"That, my love, is a secret. So just get comfortable." Through my peripherals I could see her eyebrow rise at me.

"We've been driving for over half an hour already."

"Maybe I'm just driving in circles to annoy you."

"I honestly wouldn't put it past you…where _are_ we?" She was starting to get antsy. I always thought she was so cute when she would get like this.

"You clearly don't know me as well as I thought you did. I'm not telling you." She huffed and crossed her arms, slouching in her seat as I continued along the highway. She eventually stopped asking and I eventually reached my destination.

"What is this place?" she asked thoughtfully as she took in the scenery around us. We were in a parking lot with not many other cars. A nice, decent-sized motel was to our right and a myriad of trees to the left.

"I thought we could get a room and have some fun." I winked at her and put my hand on her shoulder. She stared at me in disbelief with her mouth slightly open.

"Um…what?" I tried keeping a straight face but I slowly broke out into a smile.

"Relax, I'm joking." I shut the engine off and hopped out of the car to open the door for her. She was still at a loss for words as I held my hand out. "Come on, I want to show you something." She looked at it for a moment before hesitantly taking it. I led her to our left, in the opposite direction of the motel and into the trees.

"Alex, where are we going?" I kept pulling her along the trail until the number of trees started to decrease. Some light started to pour in through the shade we were walking through.

"We're almost there." We reached a tall row of leaves and bushes and she looked at me weirdly as I kept walking towards them. "Here, grab my other hand." She did as I told her and I climbed over a rock and helped her up with me. "Sorry, it's annoying to get through these." We hopped down to the other side and our shoes hit sand instead of dirt. "Okay, here we are."

**Mitchie's POV**

I held onto Alex a little tighter to balance myself. When I looked up I was momentarily stunned. I could have sworn we had just trekked through the rain forest but we were somehow standing on a beach. The wind was blowing a little harder but it was still bright and sunny. The sun's rays were reflecting off of the water as the waves calmly crashed against the shore. There was literally no one else here with us but that could have been because no one really goes to the beach until June. But this place was beautiful.

"What beach is this?" I asked, still staring at the blue ocean in front of us.

"It's a private beach, you know, for the motel. I've stayed there with my family a few times and I would just wander for fun. I found this sort of secluded area and fell in love with it. There's almost always nobody here so I could just be alone. I eventually found out how to take the bus out here."

"How long have you been coming here?"

"Like, since I was ten. It was kind of like my own little place to just get away from everyone. I didn't come here that often…not until I was thirteen. I couldn't stand being in my house so I would just…leave." She was looking out into the horizon; eyes squinted slightly from the sun shining on her face. She turned back to face me before taking my hand in hers once again and I followed her closer to the ocean. We stopped before the sand started to get wet and she took a seat, crossing her legs. "I never told anyone else about it because I didn't want other people to start coming. It's mine. Other people would just ruin it."

"Then…why'd you bring me? If you didn't want anyone else…" She looked up at me, a smile playing on the corners of her lips and she tugged on my hand to get me to sit with her. The wind was blowing her hair to the side and she had to keep moving it out of her eyes.

"Because…I used to come here to…run away. But…I'm not running away anymore. I don't need to be alone…I'm not alone anymore. I have you. And I wanted to share this with you." I let my mind take a minute to process everything that she was telling me. She was done running…because of me?

"Really?"

"Yeah. Why would I run away when I'm with you? I'm happier when I'm with you. You're everything to me, Mitch. I don't need my own secret hiding place." I smiled back at her before leaning in to kiss her softly. She deepened it as I cupped her cheek with my hand but pulled away shortly after. She placed her hand over mine and moved it to rest in her lap. She played with my fingers, her eyes not meeting mine again. We sat like this for who knows how long before she broke the silence. "I know you want to put last night behind us but I just have one more thing to say."

"Okay."

"I…I don't know, I just…thank you…for stopping me," she finally got out and for a moment I had no idea what she was referring to.

"What do you mean?"

"I'm glad you told me to stop when we were…you know. I didn't want to go further."

"Oh…you didn't?" I asked, my voice sounding more off than I wanted it to.

"No, I mean, I did but…wait, hold on. I meant…I do but I didn't want to…last night. Not like that. I know you're not ready but even if you were I don't want our first time to be when I'm too stoned to even walk. You mean more to me than to treat you like some random fuck at a party."

"I thought you would be…I don't know, mad, I guess." I took my hand back and rested my head on her shoulder.

"No, not at all. I should have stopped. Pot just makes me, uh…horny, I guess. I wasn't mad. Well, I was mad, but at myself not you. I would never get mad at you for that."

"You mean that?"

"Of course I do." She kissed the top of my head and I moved a little so that I was lying down. We ended up staying like that for maybe an hour or two, occasionally throwing in conversation but we mainly remained in a comfortable silence, enjoying just being with each other. I wanted to just sit here with her all day. "I'm glad I brought you here."

"Me too. This is amazing."

"Yeah…so beautiful." She combed her fingers through my hair lightly and I breathed out a content sigh. "And the beach is nice too." I turned my head to look up at her and found that she was already staring back at me. My heart started beating faster.

"I don't know how I didn't know it before." I reached up to touch her cheek.

"Know what?" she questioned as she held my hand once again, intertwining our fingers.

"How completely in love with you I am. I'm sorry it took me so long." She bent down and kissed me, our hands still firmly grasping each other.

"You're worth the wait," she said against my lips before pulling away, sitting up. "We've been here a while, are you hungry?" As if on cue, my stomach growled. I didn't even realize how long we had been here.

"Yeah, actually I am."

"Come on, let's go. Plus, I'm getting sand in my pants." She smiled and helped me up so we could start heading back to the mess of trees where we came from. She climbed over the rock first and held onto me so I wouldn't fall. When we were both on the other side she turned her back to me. "And to pay you back for yesterday…hop on." Was she seriously offering to carry me? I laughed but grabbed onto her shoulders anyway.

"You know, normally I would tell you that it's not necessary but I probably can't get back through this without falling so…" I wrapped my legs around her waist and she held me by my thighs. I planted a kiss on her cheek. "Thank you."

"Anything for you, babe." She began making her way back to the parking lot. Having the route expertly memorized from years of coming here she easily maneuvered through the trees and rocks until we saw her car. I let go of her and she opened the door for me again before getting in on her side. She seriously didn't have to be so nice to me. I told her that we were fine. Still, I couldn't deny that I loved whenever she would be overly sweet. I thought it was adorable. "So I know this really good diner a little further up the highway if you don't mind the drive. Or if you're in the mood for something else we could go back to Queens."

"Are you actually letting me pick? Usually you just surprise me. Don't get me wrong, I've loved every place you've ever taken me to."

"I'm just so unpredictable Mitchie."

"Well then, diner sounds good." We started driving and I tried to focus on everything but the road. I felt my heart racing again and it wasn't from Alex. I inhaled sharply and shut my eyes.

"Hey, you okay?" she asked as she glanced at me, her eyes showing concern. I quickly nodded my head, probably unconvincingly.

"Yeah, can you please just look at the road." She listened but still looked worried.

"You sure you don't mind the drive?"

"I'm fine, Alex. I need to get used to this anyway, remember?" She reluctantly dropped the subject and kept driving. It wasn't too far so I held myself together before it got too bad. We pulled up at a diner with a 50's theme. It wasn't too packed so we didn't have to wait to sit. About halfway through our meal I realized I hadn't eaten much. My stomach just wasn't agreeing with me after the car ride.

"I thought you said you were hungry." I guess Alex had noticed too.

"I was…I am, and the food is great but…Alex I swear I'm trying." Her look of concern returned and I really wish she hadn't said anything in the first place.

"Are you not eating because you can't or because you don't want to?"

"No, I want to but…I don't know."

"It's okay Mitchie. Don't force yourself." Regardless, I still tried to finish off the rest of my plate, succeeding a little bit. After a while Alex spoke up once again. "Okay, um…I've been thinking about it all day and…I don't like hurting you and I already pissed you off enough last night so I made up my mind." I eyed her curiously, trying to figure out what on Earth she was talking about. "I'm going to break up with Nate, once and for all." I couldn't have heard that right.

"You are?"

"I have to. I can't keep doing this. I need to be free of him. _We_ need to be free of him." She spoke with confidence but the fear in her eyes was painfully evident. "This week, I'm really going to do it. I promise." I knew she was scared but I couldn't help but break out in a smile. The thought of her finally dumping him brought me unspeakable joy and I was elated beyond belief.

The rest of our day went great. I felt myself ease up a little more when I was in the car but it might have been because I was in a good mood. She was really trying to make up for yesterday and she did. She told me that she wanted us to actually have a _normal_ day and I think we actually had one. It was such a relief to not worry about anything all day. It was only starting to get dark when we finally made it back home.

"Thank you…for today. I think this was one of the best dates I've ever been on," I said as I sat on my bed, kicking my shoes off.

"No problem." She crawled over and rested her knees on either side of me. "Like I said before, anything for you…" Both of her hands lightly grabbed a hold of my face. "Because I love you." I smiled and leaned up to press my lips against hers. Her hands moved back to tangle in my hair as mine sat on her waist. She ran her tongue across my bottom lip but before I could open my mouth someone started to open my door. The fear hit me like a ton of bricks and in an instant I pushed Alex off of me and she landed on the floor with a loud thud. I didn't have time to see if she was okay because my dad walked into the room, and he did not look happy. My heart stopped.

"Where the hell have you been all day?" he grilled me but then noticed Alex on her back. "What happened to you?" Oh thank _God _he didn't see anything. The relief that filled me was inexplicable.

"I fell…you scared me." It was amazing how the truth sounded like a great lie.

"Oh…sorry. But where the _hell_ were you all day?" he asked me again.

"We went out for a while after we left Zach's." I don't get it. Why was he so mad? "What's the big deal?"

"The big deal? What happened to 'we'll be home in the morning'? You couldn't even call me to let me know you didn't plan on coming home, like last night when you called at almost three," he rambled on and Alex finally sat up, slowly pulling herself off the floor.

"We just weren't keeping track of the time."

"You know what, the time doesn't even matter. My main concern is that you didn't even come home."

"Dad, I'm sorry I didn't call but you're making a big deal for no reason," I tried to tell him but he just shook his head.

"No reason?" He reached into his pocket and pulled something out, tossing it on my bed. "Tell me, Mitch…how were you without those last night and today?" I glanced down at the small bottle next to me and I shut my eyes. "Yeah, that's what I thought."

"I'm sorry…it just…slipped my mind."

"Mitchie you can't afford to have these things _slip your mind_! The last time it did you ended up hurting yourself again!"

"Dad it's fine nothing happened!"

"I don't care I don't want you risking it. Don't let this happen again or I will tell your mother and let _her_ take care of it." He slammed the door on his way out and I fell back against my bed with a groan. I covered my face with my hands and rubbed my eyes in frustration. I felt a dip in the bed next to me and a gentle tug on my arm. I looked up to see Alex staring intently at me.

"Why didn't you tell me?" I sighed.

"Because…"

"Mitch, I would have brought you here to get them."

"I know, but…it's kind of hard to have a _normal_ day for once when I have to go home to pick up my crazy pills." I rolled my eyes but she just chuckled at my annoyance. "It's not funny."

"It's kind of funny. Plus, you were the one who said we're not normal." She leaned down and kissed my lips quickly. "But it was fun to pretend for a while, right? Too bad it's over."

"Yeah…now we get to be freaks again." She lied down next to me and laced our fingers.

"Yeah…but…you're _my_ freak." The warmth her hand brought to mine erased all the stress and anxiety from my body and I finally felt myself relax again. It amazed me how she could put me at ease with just one touch. "Thank you for the concussion by the way." This girl was really something else.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Island In The Sun by Weezer**

**By the way, I can't believe people are still adding The Push And Pull to their favorites list. THANK YOU :)**


	8. Face Down

**A/N 1: What is this? I updated again? I conveniently don't have school the rest of the week so I'm gonna try to get the next chapter written quickly. This is a short chapter...really short. I don't know if you guys were expecting a big epic chapter this time but this was never meant to be a climactic point in the story. I just needed to get through it and I didn't want to drag it out for no reason, that's annoying. As the story progresses you will understand. Remember, there is method to my madness people! I always do weird/confusing things for a reason! So yeah, this is short...a filler, if you will. Sorry, I hate writing them and I know a lot of people hate reading them. Sorry to disappoint but HEY, good shit's coming up. And by good I mean...yeah, you'll see.**

**REVIEW ME BITCHES!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>8. Face Down<p>

_A pebble in the water makes a ripple effect  
>Every action in this world will bear a consequence<br>If you wade around forever, you will surely drown  
>I see what's going down<br>_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I'm shaking. My heart is beating so fast I thought it was going to explode. I couldn't breathe. Every time I tried to inhale it wasn't enough. I squeezed my eyes shut but I couldn't escape it. She wasn't even here. She's gone. She left. And I still couldn't escape it. I should have been relieved but all I wanted to do was scream. I held back the tears in my eyes as best as I could. It was over. And I was still shaking.

I don't know if we could have avoided this or not. I don't know whose fault it is anymore. We were both wrong in one way or another but I am beyond mad at this point. A month ago we were completely fine. We were happy. Yeah…a _month_ ago. That's how long it took for all of this to happen. Why? Because I need to stop believing Alex when she makes me promises, like the one she made…one month ago.

_I'm going to break up with Nate._

_This week, I'm really going to do it. I promise._

Well that apparently was a lie. Sure, it wasn't a _complete_ lie. She _intended _to break up with him. She really did. But the kid made it impossible for her.

_I was sitting at my desk typing up an essay for my English class, waiting for Alex to come back home. Today was the day she decided to break up with Nate. I could sense the apprehension all week. This wasn't easy for her. She was genuinely terrified of her boyfriend, but this needs to be done. The door opened and in walked a distressed looking Alex. I didn't know what to make of her expression._

"_Hey. How'd it go?" I asked a little nervously. She bit her lip and went to sit on the bed, not looking at me. I didn't want to jump to conclusions based on her behavior but I had this horrible feeling I was about to be let down._

"_Um…it didn't." My face dropped and I held in the urge to flip out._

"_What do you mean it didn't," I said, my voice lowering dramatically._

"_He basically threatened to kill me if I ever broke up with him."_

"_Basically?"_

"_Well…I told him we needed to talk and to meet me after school. When I did see him he looked angry already. I started off by telling him how I'm sick of him and the way he treats me and I guess he figured out that I was planning on breaking up with him. He like, grabbed my face and told me to not be stupid and if I knew what was good for me I'll just keep my mouth shut. And then he left."_

"_So…you're still with him." I wasn't asking. I was pissed. She nodded her head slowly. "Alex! What don't you understand? It's never going to get easier the longer that you wait. There is never going to be a right time to do it, so just do it!" She flinched at my sudden change in tone but I didn't care anymore. I was so over this._

"_Mitch I'm sorry but-"_

"_No. Don't tell me you're sorry, especially when you _promised_ that you were going to end it with him!"_

"_I _am_ going to end it with him. I'm going to keep my promise just please don't be mad at me. I'm sorry. I'm just scared."_

"_I know you are but this is getting ridiculous. End it, or I will."_

I don't know if she thought I meant I was going to end it with her or if I was going to end it for her. Obviously I wasn't going to break up with her but she was pretty upset for the next few weeks. And throughout those few, extremely awkward and tense, weeks she avoided the subject of Nate as much as she could. But I have had enough of this bullshit. And everyone around me could tell I was fed up.

"_So Mitchie, what's going on with you and Alex?" Zach asked before taking a sip of his soda. We were sitting at a table during lunch. Alex wasn't with us because she earned herself detention this morning._

"_Just stupid Nate shit again." I crossed my arms in annoyance. I kept Zach up to date on this whole situation. He's been weird lately but he's still my best friend and I could tell that he's just acting this way because he cares about me._

"_I don't know what to tell you. I don't like seeing you like this."_

"_I'm fine."_

"_No you're not. You're like…miserable all the time now. Because of this crap with Alex and Nate. If she really loves you like she says she does then it shouldn't be such a difficult task for her." And now I was fed up on a whole other level._

"_Alright Zach, enough! Stop with this judging and accusing with Alex. Just stop because I'm sick of it."_

"_Mitch I'm just looking out for you."_

"_Can you stop? Where is all of this coming from? I thought you liked Alex. You were the one who told her to not give up. You were the one who told me I was being stupid for trying to move on when she turned me down." He just stared down at his food, not answering me. I spoke in a much softer voice. "What's going on, Zach? I thought you were happy for me."_

"_I am."_

"_Then what's going on?" He finally looked up at me and ran his hand through his short hair. It seemed to be a little longer than usual these days._

"_Look, I'm sorry for this whole paranoid, overbearing big brother thing but I worry when Alex keeps breaking promises and is flirting with Frank-" And now I was annoyed again._

"_She doesn't flirt with Frank."_

"_I just don't want you to get hurt."_

"_She's not-"_

"_No Mitch, listen. I'm not trying to say I think Alex is trying to hurt you. She loves you. I can see that. And I know you love her too. But that's just it. I didn't care that much when you were with Shane because anyone could tell that it wasn't that big of a deal. And I didn't have anything to worry about. I worry with Alex because it's real. The people you love and the people that love you are the ones who can hurt you the worst. I'm not saying she's going to…but she can. If she did something to hurt you it would kill you and I don't want to see that happen. You mean too much to me." I didn't know what to say to him. I just kept looking at him._

"_Zach…"_

"_If anything happens you know you can come to me right?"_

"_Of course I know that, but nothing is going to happen."_

Oh, how wrong I was. I mean, I know she isn't trying to hurt me but…she did. She tried a few more times to break things off with Nate but she ended up getting insulted, yelled at, threatened, and even hurt a little. On one occasion he grabbed her by the arm and shoved her to the floor. All the more reason for her to just do it already. But she thinks he will seriously hurt her if she does…like…put her in the hospital kind of hurt.

I admit I feel bad about getting so irritated because she does have a point. And I don't want him to touch her. Ever. But I was seconds away from going up to Nate and breaking up with him myself. I want us to get past this for good but it's just making us fight more. Mainly because she broke her promise to me again.

This whole thing has just been building up ever since she told me she was going to do it. One entire month of arguing and yelling. I was sick of it. I thought I was going to blow. This was so fucking stupid. It has pushed us to the point where we are actually almost at each other's throats. And that brings us to our worst fight to date.

_It's been almost a month since she said she would dump Nate. She was going away this weekend. Her family was supposedly taking a trip upstate to visit relatives and she had no choice but to go with them. We hardly spoke today during school. She knows I'm mad at her. I feel like she's getting mad at me too. Like I'm not being understanding enough._

"_Mitchie, you don't understand." See?_

"_This is bullshit Alex and you know it!"_

"_I'm trying not to end up with broken bones because of this dick."_

"_No, you're just being a fucking coward. So stop telling me you're going to dump him and stop making promises you can't keep!" I screamed at her and she went from being apologetic to just plain irritated._

"_Oh fuck you Mitchie. You're not the one getting pushed around by this asshole for years okay. You keep saying it's not hard, just do it, but you don't fucking get it! I'm sorry that I have had to deal with nonstop abuse for such a long time so forgive me for being afraid of it. So yeah I'm a coward!" I knew I should have just stopped the argument here but for some reason I couldn't let it go. I knew pushing it further would just make things worse for us._

"_So, what, you're just going to keep dating the kid while you're with me? What about in a year or two, huh? What are you gonna do then? Are you still gonna be with him? Because if you are then I'm not going to stick around to be part of this fucking love triangle."_

"_You can't even call it that. I don't love him! I love you!" She had tears trying to make their way into her eyes, I could see them._

"_Don't tell me that! Don't say you love me! I don't want to hear it anymore. Do you even know how much this hurts me, Alex?"_

"_Mitchie, I'm sorry, I-"_

"_Don't. Just leave me alone." I turned my back to her and went back to my homework. I couldn't deal with this. I couldn't deal with her. I thought she was going to say something back but all I heard was my bedroom door slam followed shortly after by my front door. I dragged my hands over my face and groaned in frustration. This was so fucking stupid._

**_Alex's POV_**

_I felt like my heart was being ripped out of my chest and stomped on. I can't believe it has gotten so bad that my own girlfriend doubts how I feel about her. I know I brought this upon myself but…no, she's right. I'm a coward. And I need to end this. Now. I slammed the door shut and left the apartment without looking back._

_Once I was outside I pulled out my cell phone and dialed a number I would hope to soon delete forever. After a couple of rings I heard the voice that haunts my dreams._

"_What do you want?" I gritted my teeth and kept walking._

"_Meet me at the park by my house, right now," I told him, my voice not breaking once._

"_And what if I'm busy or, I don't know, don't want to?" he asked sounding bored._

"_I don't care. Just be there."_

"_Fine, whatever. I'll see you soon." I hung up without saying anything else. I tried to keep my breathing under control but I have never been more scared or nervous for anything in my life. The park wasn't far from Mitchie's house so I got there first. As usual, no one else was there, and I was glad for that. I sat on a bench and waited._

_After about five minutes Nate pulled up and parked his car. He looked pissed off but that was nothing new. It was probably such an inconvenience for him to come here but I could care less. This was destroying my relationship with Mitchie and I was running out of time. I had to leave tonight and I wasn't going to leave until I broke up with Nate._

"_What was so important that you made me come here?" I stood up and walked up to where he was standing._

"_Nate, I'm done." My voice was strong but damn it I felt so weak. Just as expected, he grasped my arm tightly and I winced in pain._

"_We've talked about this before," he said menacingly. I wanted to just run away but that wasn't an option anymore. _Just finish it already.

"_I don't care. I'm sick of you. All you do is hurt me and treat me like shit. Do whatever you want to me. I don't give a shit. I hate you and I'm not doing this anymore." Without any warning he slapped me across the face. I should have seen that coming._

"_Alex you're making the biggest mistake of your life."He turned around and began walking away from me like he always does. _Don't stop now. Don't stop now.

"_The biggest mistake was going out with you in the first place!" I shouted out to him and he stopped in his tracks and made his way back to me, only to grab me by my shoulders._

"_Get the fuck over yourself Alex. And don't think I don't know what this is really about, you fucking dyke. Once your little gay experiment is over then you'll come crawling back like the slut that you are," he spat and all I wanted to do was just collapse to the floor and die. If he wasn't holding on to me I would probably be shaking uncontrollably._

"_Fuck you Nate. We're over. I want you out of my life, for good." I seriously thought smoke was going to come out of his ears. His face was turning red and his eyes got darker. He shoved me hard against the tree behind me before balling up his hand into a fist. I closed my eyes but nothing could have braced me for the impact. His knuckles collided with my face repeatedly. I thought my teeth were going start falling out. I couldn't see and I tasted blood in my mouth. I prayed that I would eventually pass out so I wouldn't have to feel this anymore._

_Once I got a chance to even breathe I tried to escape his hold on me but he just slammed me back against the tree. My whole body was aching. He grabbed me by my face and smashed it into the tree trunk. The entire right side of my face stung and I was openly crying at this point. I take back what I said before. I was no longer happy about this park being deserted. I also wish that where we were standing was in plain view of the street but unfortunately, it wasn't. I needed someone to witness this…to stop him._

_I fell to the floor and my hand immediately flew to cover my face. I could feel the blood from my face sticking to my fingers. I suddenly felt his foot drive into my side. I coughed and gasped for air and resorted to my only hope for living through this. I started begging._

"_Nate, please stop! I'll do anything!" He actually stopped for a moment. Relief washed over me before he moved closer, his eyes filled with malice and disgust. But there was the slightest hint of a smirk playing on his lips. It made me sick._

"_Break off this stupid shit that you have with her. No one has to know about this. Just keep your fucking mouth shut and do as I say." His words cut through me like a knife in my lungs._

"_I can't do that," I said, my head shaking almost as weakly as my voice._

"_Dump her."_

"_I can't," I repeated a little more hysterically._

"_Do it!"_

"_No!" His grip tightened and I felt like I was suffocating._

"_Fuck you, Alex. You're gonna break up with me for a fucking girl?" He leaned down and punched me in the face again and the pain was actually blinding. I went limp. I couldn't move. I couldn't even bring my hands up to protect myself anymore. I just laid there. He finally stopped hitting me and came in close to my ear, grabbing me by my shirt. "I hope you're happy. And I hope she's worth it. Because you're life is going to be over come Monday." He threw my head back on the ground and walked away from me. And I just laid there._

_It took me a full ten minutes before I could breathe properly enough to pick myself off the floor. Everything hurt. I wanted to just stay there the rest of the day. But I couldn't. I needed to get back. I needed to get my stuff and leave. I didn't want to be around anybody anymore. I spit out the blood that had collected in my mouth and started walking back to Mitchie's house. It took much longer than it should have but I slowly made my way back, ignoring all the weird, concerned, and slightly shocked looks from passersby._

**_Mitchie's POV_**

_She hasn't answered me. She hasn't been gone for long but I still needed to talk to her. I don't know if she's mad at me now but I didn't want her to leave while we were on bad terms. She was supposed to be going with her family in a while and I didn't even know if she was going to come back here before she left._

_Just as I was about to try calling her again my bedroom door flew open and I almost had a heart attack. I flinched and grabbed my chest as if it would actually slow my heart rate down. I quickly averted my gaze and kept my eyes glued to the floor. I couldn't look up. I just couldn't._

"_Look at me." Her voice was broken but firm. She sounded like she had been crying, Honestly, I think I was about to. I shook my head furiously, refusing to listen to her. I heard her footsteps coming closer and closer and my heart beat a little faster. "Look at me."_

"_No."_

"_Damn it, Mitchie." Her hand grabbed my chin, forcing me to turn my head towards her. My heart broke at the sight in front of me. Her eye was swollen and bruised and her lip was cut and bleeding. Her right cheek was covered in bright red scrapes. This was too painful to look at. Images quickly flashed through my mind; her body lying unconscious in my arms, blood covering her entire body. I closed my eyes again and tried to pull away from her. The memories wouldn't leave me._

"_Alex, stop."_

"_No."_

"_I mean it."_

"_I don't care. Look at me." After a moment of trembling under her touch I looked back up at her. I thought I was going to throw up. "It's finally over." She let me go and I sank to the floor. "I hope you were ready to come out to everyone because the whole school's going to know by Monday."_

"_Alex-"_

"_Save it. Next time you think that I don't care about you remember who you're talking to," she said harshly and went to the closet, retrieving a bag that she had packed for the weekend. She slung it over her shoulder and went for the door._

"_Wait." She stopped but didn't turn around._

"_No. I'm out of here."Before she walked out she paused again. "I'll see you on Monday." And with that she closed the door behind her and I finally broke down._

So here I am, sobbing into my hands on my bedroom floor. The horrible images from a few minutes ago mixed with the ones from the night of the accident were plaguing my mind. That on top of the words Alex said to me just made me completely fall apart. My chest felt like it was on fire. It actually hurt to just breathe. Sure I was happy she finally broke up with Nate but things between us were worse. This had gone too far.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Face Down by The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus**


	9. Stand Tall

**A/N 1: I finished this yesterday but I ended up passing out so I had to wait until the morning. Didn't really edit/proof read much so...my bad. But ANYWAY. Thank you for the reviews you guys have no idea how happy they make me. And thank you for putting this on your alerts/favorites. Nothing to say really, sorry for the wait, you guys know the deal. I have an idea for another story but that won't get written until this is done but WHATEVER. LOVE YOU GUYS. READ. ENJOY. REVIEW. BYE.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>9. Stand Tall<p>

_Well I can only take so much  
>The pressure may come to pressure us<br>Oh they came to watch us fall, oh yes they came to watch us fall  
>But we will rise up against them all<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

Worst. Weekend. Of. My. Life.

She hasn't spoken to me since she left on Friday. I haven't spoken to her either. There were no text messages sent or phone calls made. I don't know the real logic behind it. I know why I didn't speak to her. I couldn't. What would I even say to her? After the way she left I didn't think she would even want to hear from me. Also, the fact that she didn't make any effort to talk to me just further fueled my suspicions. As far as I know, she probably hates me.

It's already Monday and she hasn't come back. I was sure she was supposed to be home by now but is she still avoiding me? I have thought about calling her so many times. I wanted to pick up the phone and apologize. I don't even know what would happen when I finally see her. I don't even think I can face her after this weekend. But I wanted to see her so badly. Where did we even stand at this point?

I kept to myself for most of the weekend. I tried to force myself to go out, to see people. Nothing could take my mind off of her though. I'm not proud of the way this turned out. I swore I wouldn't hold anything against her. I swore I wouldn't get mad at her for this anymore. I don't know why I let it get like this. I don't know why I let myself get like this. This isn't me.

My parents noticed a change in my behavior in the last few days. I didn't talk to them either. I barely said anything. I barely ate anything. I barely left my room. They were concerned. I tried to reassure them that everything was fine but I think I was trying to convince myself more. I know it's a lie though. Even if my parents bought it I knew the truth. I wasn't fine. Nothing was fine. And it was my fault.

I didn't even want to get out of bed this morning. I knew school was rapidly approaching and I was dreading setting foot in that building. I hadn't heard anything from anyone over the weekend. I was starting to think that maybe Nate wasn't being serious when he threatened Alex. Then again, I could be wrong. Either way, I didn't want to go to school today. Too bad for me, I didn't have a choice and I held in a groan as I walked through the entrance and into the halls.

The strap of my bag hung on one shoulder while I carried a couple of notebooks, my eyes glued to the floor the whole way to my locker. I didn't want to look at anyone. I didn't want to glance up to catch anyone's stare. I never thought I would be as paranoid as Alex but this was such an unsettling feeling. I ignored the pounding in my chest and switched my books for the ones I needed for my first class. Upon shutting my locker door I turned and nearly jumped when I saw someone standing next to me.

"Jesus Christ what the hell are you doing?" I asked with my hand over my racing heart.

"Nothing. Why haven't you answered me?" His face wasn't mad but he looked worried. I wanted to roll my eyes but all I could do was look away and start walking. Of course, he followed.

"I haven't been answering anyone." I continued along but he kept up with me, staying close behind.

"Really? I feel like you've been avoiding me." I finally stopped walking, causing him to bump into me. I faced him and he seemed confused.

"Zach I'm not avoiding you. I just don't want to talk to anyone."

"Why not?" I shifted on my feet and readjusted the strap on my shoulder, just for the hell of it. "Alex?" I drew in a deep breath but I didn't feel like looking at him anymore. I just wanted to go home and the day just started.

"Yes…" I mumbled out and he sighed in response.

"She still hasn't called?" he asked and I shook my head at him. "Did you try calling her?" Another head shake.

"I just…I don't know what to do. This is all so messed up." He put a hand on my shoulder, an attempt at comfort, but I shrugged it off, not wanting to deal with anything.

"Mitch…"

"I gotta go." I didn't let him say anything else and I walked off. I was seriously contemplating just leaving altogether. I wanted to skip all of my classes and just hide from the rest of the world. She should have been home by now. The only conclusion I could come to is that she doesn't want to see me.

My first class lasted forever. I spent the whole forty five to fifty minutes not speaking and hardly paying attention. My second class went just about the same. The only difference was that I paid close attention to the empty seat next to mine. Alex was supposed to be in this class, sitting right beside me. But she never showed up. I sat and waited all period. But she never showed up.

There was a plus side to my shit day; no one has said anything to me or mentioned my relationship with Alex. I hadn't heard of any rumors or whatever. Well, I wasn't paying attention to people today. Maybe they were whispering while I passed them in the hallway. Maybe everyone was talking about it without me even realizing. Maybe Nate was bluffing. I could be freaking out over nothing but I had a horrible feeling in the pit of my stomach.

After another period, lunch time rolled around. Zach kept trying to talk to me and ask me if I was okay but I wasn't in the mood. I found myself at my locker once again, debating whether or not I wanted to go to the cafeteria. Before I could even argue with myself I felt a pair of hands grab my shoulders and spin me around, slamming me into the row of lockers. The pain surging through my back and head was excruciating.

"Ow what the fuck?" I opened my eyes and was met with a hard glare from the one person I didn't want to see today.

"You didn't think I'd forget, did you?"

"What do you want?"

"Don't act stupid, as hard as that might be for you." I tried pushing him away but he was a lot stronger than I was.

"Shut up Nate. Get off of me," I spat and brought my hands up to shove him but he just slammed me back against the lockers. I wasn't about to let him get away with it though. I've hit him before; I wasn't afraid to do it again. I used all my strength to shove him again and this time I succeeded, but only a little. It was then that I noticed that he wasn't alone. Two of his dumb jock friends were with him. The second I got him off of me they grabbed an arm each and held me back against the wall. "Ah, God let me go."

"I don't know what she sees in you. But you guys aren't gonna fuck me over and get away with it." I struggled under the grip of both these guys, who I don't even know the names of. I think the one holding my right arm was Peter or something with a P but I didn't recognize the other.

"Oh get over it. Even if she wasn't with me she didn't want to be with you. Because you're a DICK." His face grew red with anger and without hesitation he punched me right in the stomach. I tried to move but I was pinned against this wall and there was no way out. The wind was knocked out of me and I coughed more than I actually inhaled. He punched me again, this time a little higher in my abdomen and a blinding pain shot through my ribs. The bell rang and I was released. My body hit the ground and I clutched my stomach tightly.

"This isn't over." He walked away without another word, leaving me there on the floor. I heard footsteps near my head and I braced myself for the worst. I flinched in fear before I felt someone grab my shoulder. I looked up and was shocked to see who was standing there.

**Alex's POV**

I walked with a quick pace through the halls. Checking my phone I saw that it was around the beginning of a lunch period. The bell rang and confirmed my thoughts. I rounded the corner to where I know Mitchie's locker is. When I entered the new hall I could hear a thud and someone yell. I finally neared my destination and I saw her there, gasping for air while holding onto her stomach. I looked down the hall and saw Nate and his friends walking away from her.

For a second I was torn. I was so pissed off I wanted to rip Nate's head off for what he did. On the other hand, I was far more concerned with Mitchie. I didn't want to leave her there alone and I wanted to make sure she was okay. It was an easy decision in the end. I hurried over to her side and she looked up at me and I could see the pain in her eyes. She looked scared at first but it slowly dissolved into something else, relief possibly.

Her breathing was off and I immediately pulled her up into a standing position. I steadied her but kept my hands on her arms. I just looked at her. I haven't seen her since Friday but I was looking at her like I haven't seen her in months. She was giving me the same look but before she could say anything she winced and sucked in a sharp breath.

"Are you okay?" She shook her head and I grabbed her hand. "What happened?"

"He hit me in the stomach," she gasped out and I glanced down to where she brought her hand back to.

"Shit. Come on." I tugged on her hand a little and lead her to the girl's bathroom. Once we were inside I let her go and she held her abdomen again. "Okay try to relax, just…breathe," I instructed her. She calmed down a little and tried standing straighter. I came in a bit closer and gently pressed my hand against the bottom of her ribcage. She shut her eyes and bit her lip. "Is it bad?"

"It hurts. Everything hurts."

"Can you move around?" She twisted around and bent forward slightly before standing back up straight again. She took a couple deep breaths before nodding her head.

"Yeah I think my ribs are okay. But God it hurts." We stayed like that for what seemed like forever. All of a sudden she threw her arms around me and buried her head in my neck. Everything that happened within the past few days faded away. I hugged her back just as tightly.

"I missed you," I whispered into her hair and felt her shake a little. Was she crying?

"I'm sorry," she said but it was muffled by my shirt. "I'm so sorry." Her voice cracked and I could definitely tell that she was crying. I pulled away from her and looked at her but she wouldn't meet my gaze.

"Hey, why are you apologizing? I'm the one that should be saying sorry. You were right; I should have broken up with him a long time ago. I didn't want you to get hurt." Her eyes finally locked on mine. She looked sad and hurt and…something I couldn't put my finger on. But it was breaking me all the same. Despite us being in school, she leaned in and kissed me. I thought she had stopped crying but I could feel her tears fall when I brought my hand up to her face. She stepped back and wiped her eyes with her sleeve. "What's wrong?" I asked, concerned but she didn't have time to answer because the bathroom door opened. Two girls walked in. I knew one from mine and Mitchie's homeroom. The other I've just seen around school and at parties. They just stared at us.

"Oh great, the homos are in here," she said with an eye roll and proceeded to walk up to a sink. Well this should be interesting.

"Excuse me?" Mitchie asked, instantly pissed off. I knew she had a temper when people would say things about her. She is the exact opposite of me in situations like this.

"Come on Mitch, let's just get out of here," I told her quietly but I think they heard me.

"Listen to your _girlfriend_ and go. In fact, why don't you just go ahead and leave the school while you're at it?"

"Oh fuck off Brooke. Don't you have some football player to blow in the basement? Or a basketball player. Or is it soccer? You know I can't really keep track with you," she spat at her and Brooke scoffed, crossing her arms. I tugged on Mitchie's arm urging her to leave before this got out of hand. Thankfully she got the hint and started walking out with me. Before we went out the door we heard the cheerleader's voice again.

"Whatever. At least I'm not so unwanted by guys that I have to resort to girls," she said to the girl next to her with a sick sense of pride. "Especially sluts like Alex." Oh crap. We froze in our tracks and when I turned around Mitchie was already going back to where the girls were standing.

"What? You wanna say that again to my face?" she shouted and I grabbed her hand to hold her back.

"Mitch-"

"No, hang on." She turned back to face the girls by the sink who looked a little shocked that Mitchie actually came back. I swear it looked like she was about to punch them both in the face. I wound my arms around her waist and pulled her back again but she struggled to get away. I was practically lifting her in the air. "Come on, say it again! I dare you. I'll wipe that fucking smirk right off your face you walking STD." I moved her back a little before she could reach Brooke and I set her down.

"Come on don't do this. Let's just go," I pleaded with her one last time and she visibly relaxed a bit but she was still furious. She reluctantly turned around and we made our way back out of the bathroom, but not before she stopped to violently kick the garbage can in their direction. Mitchie was a lot stronger than I thought; that thing went flying. They jumped out of fear but we left before we could tell if they actually got hit by anything. I'm not gonna lie. It was pretty funny. We walked down the hall and into the cafeteria. We didn't bother looking for Zach or Frank or anyone. We just sat at a random table alone. When Mitchie sat she winced in pain again.

"Ow, damn it."

"You okay?"

"Yeah, you just grabbed me too tight."

"Well you wouldn't listen."

"Did you _hear_ what she said?" she asked, getting upset again. "She's lucky I didn't throw her out the window," she added and I couldn't help but laugh a little. "It's not funny. I'm not just gonna stand there and let her talk about you like that. Like she's in any place to judge; she's slept with more people than I have eyelashes."

"I know and trust me I hate her too but I don't want you to just beat up every person that says something about us."

"Why not?" She was serious about this. But I didn't want to cause a scene over any of it.

"Because…it's not worth it. It's just going to bring more attention to us. And I don't want you to get into trouble."

"But-"

"Promise you won't do anything?" She looked hesitant and still really annoyed from before. "Please?"

"Fine. But if she doesn't back the hell off I'm gonna kill her." I just stared at her. "Yes, I took my meds this morning." I laughed again.

"I didn't say anything!"

"But you were thinking it." I sighed and rested my head in my hand. "I really am sorry though."

"Don't be. I was out of line. And I was going to call you, really I was, but…I don't know, I didn't know what to say after I left like that."

"No, Alex I-"

"Let's just put this behind us, okay? It's all over with. It's just you and me now. Nobody else." She looked down and closed her eyes but eventually nodded her head. I didn't want her to feel bad. I didn't want there to be any problems between us anymore.

"Okay. Just you and me." I smiled at her, hoping to get one in return. I didn't like it when she was unhappy. She's so pretty and when she smiles it's literally the most wonderful thing in the world.

"Come on, cheer up." I lightly kicked her leg under the table earning a small chuckle from her. "There we go." She looked up at me and her smile faltered a little but it soon came back.

"I missed you too," she said almost shyly.

"So what'd you do this weekend anyway?"

"Nothing." I raised an eyebrow at her. "I kind of ignored everyone…"

"I was the same. I was forced to stay in the same house as my mom for like…three whole days. It was awful. I just wanted to come home to you."

"I'm glad you're back," she admitted and a real, genuine smile graced her lips and it made me forget all about my horrible weekend and Nate and Brooke and everything. All I care about is her. And as long as I have her nothing else matters.

"Me too." I stared at her for a little while, thinking. "Um…you know, since we're pretty much…out, there's really no sense in hiding anymore…but…I don't know, do you think we should still…lay low?" I asked, a little unsure of how she felt about the whole situation.

"Do you?"

"I just don't want anyone giving us shit."

"In case you didn't notice, there are going to be people giving us shit no matter what we do. But I get that you're nervous so…whatever you want to do, it's fine with me."

"How are you so calm about this?" She breathed out a sigh and slouched a little.

"I have enough of my own problems to worry about. I'm not about to worry about getting my feelings hurt by the school hooker. Now Nate and his friends…they're a different story." I groaned loudly at the mention of him.

"Why can't he just fuck off and die already?"

"Whoa someone's a little hostile," Mitchie teased with an amused look on her face. I thought I just said that in my head. "Maybe I'm gonna have to hold _you_ back next time."

"Yeah right." There was no way in hell I would ever try to fight back. Nate could kill me in a heartbeat.

"Hey Alex you're here," I heard Zach's voice as he approached our table. "Heard you went MIA this weekend." He sat next to Mitchie and she moved over, giving him more room.

"I'd rather not talk about it."

"Well, glad you're back. Mitchie wouldn't shut up about you being gone," he said and I looked over at Mitchie who just put her head down.

"Oh really? I didn't realize how lost you'd be without me." I laughed but she still wouldn't look at us. "You alright, babe?" She nodded but slowly stood up from her seat. Her face looked pained. I immediately got worried and followed her as she started walking towards the entrance of the cafeteria. "Hey what's the matter?"

"Nothing, I don't feel good." For a second I almost forgot that Nate had hit her. "I'm just gonna go to the nurse, get an icepack or something I think I'm bruising."

"Do you want me to come with you?"

"No it's okay. But thank you. I'll catch up with you later." She gave me a kiss on my cheek and left the lunch room. I walked back to where Zach was sitting and he looked at me weirdly.

"Is she okay?" he asked a little concerned. She probably didn't want Zach to worry about her. If he found out that Nate hit her then all hell would break loose.

"What? Yeah, she's fine." I don't know how convincing that sounded but he seemed to accept it.

"So is everything good between you two?"

"Yeah…why? Did she say something?"

"Well…" he trailed off but I urged him to continue.

"Zach, what did she say?" I was really curious now.

"She was just upset when you left."

"I know. We've been arguing all month. I felt horrible that I let it go that far."

"You should've just broken up with Nate when you and Mitchie started going out."

"I knowwwwwww don't remind me. It's done now though. It's finally done."

"Good. How are things around school? I heard a couple people talking about you guys. I'm guessing word's out."

"Ugh, _great_! Yeah, well…Nate didn't exactly take the break up well and…I guess he told the entire world just to get back at me."

"Ouch. What an asshole." The bell rang signaling the end of lunch and we both grabbed our things and got up. "I'll talk to you later. Let me know if Nate bothers you guys, okay?" I nodded and we went our separate ways.

Throughout my next few classes I could feel some people's eyes on me. They were starting to talk. I can tell. I tried to ignore them though. I couldn't tell _what_ they were saying anyway. No one made it a point to actually come up to me and I was a little thankful for that. Sure, it was messed up that no one had the balls to actually say anything to my face but I doubt I would do anything about it anyway.

When last period rolled around I noticed Mitchie's seat was empty. I stared at the classroom door but she never came in. I felt my phone my phone buzz in my pocket.

_Text Message From: Mitchie_

_Hey, the nurse sent me home. Didn't want you to wonder why I'm not in class._

I swear it's like the girl could read my mind even when she's not next to me. Still, I wanted to know if everything was okay. So, being the caring girlfriend that I am, I texted her back right away.

_Text Message To: Mitchie_

_Is everything okay?_

_Text Message From: Mitchie_

_Yeah but you know, given my history, she thought it would be better if I went home._

_Text Message To: Mitchie_

_Oh okay, try and sleep it off or something. Feel better. I love you._

"Phone away Miss Russo. Don't make me take it from you." The last thing I needed the second I get back home is to get in trouble again. I quickly checked my phone one last time; she didn't answer me. I shoved it in my jeans and looked up to see Mitchie's seat was now occupied.

"Oh look who decided to show up. How was your weekend in paradise?" Frank asked sarcastically and I rolled my eyes.

"More like my weekend in hell. I never thought I'd be so happy to be in school."

"Why? School's FUN!" he shouted with fake enthusiasm and we shared a laugh before Mr. Rivera shut us up.

"Mr. Hoffman for the hundredth time; go back to your own seat!" He sounded more annoyed than angry but then again what teacher isn't annoyed with Frank?

"But I like it here! Just for today, Mitchie's absent."

"Fine, whatever. Just keep it down." There really was no point in arguing with Frank. You'll just get fed up and frustrated. He always wins. Always.

"Hah, I just made Rivera my bitch," he said to me quietly and I had to stifle my laughter so we wouldn't get in trouble. "Speaking of bitches…"

"Do I even want to hear the end of that sentence?"

"Yes. So I heard Mitchie-"

"Hey!" I punched him in the shoulder and he looked shocked.

"What!"

"Don't start a sentence off like that then say Mitchie's name…dick."

"Let me finish! Jim told me that she fucked up Brooke and that stupid whore that follows her around."

"What? Who'd he hear that from?"

"Vanessa."

"Who'd she hear that from?"

"Lauren." This could go on a while. "I'm tellin' you Alex. Shit spreads like wildfire at this school." Fantastic.

"I'm beginning to realize that. But she didn't do anything. We were in the bathroom-"

"Fucking?"

"_We were in the bathroom _TALKING…and they walked in and started saying a bunch of shit about us and Mitchie _lost_ it."

"Aw man so nothing happened?"

"I thought she was going to murder her I had to drag her out of the bathroom."

"Why didn't you let her?" Of course he just wanted to hear about girls fighting.

"Because she's already hurt; I didn't want anything to happen." He cocked an eyebrow and I realized what I just said.

"She's already hurt?"

"Yeah uh…Nate and his friends found her before lunch…" I didn't even want to think about it. Just remembering her lying on the floor made me want to rip the desk off my chair.

"Holy shit!"

"Frank, be quiet," our teacher scolded him before turning back to his lesson on the blackboard.

"Sorry!" He brought his voice down to a lower volume. "What did they jump her or something?"

"Pretty much."

"Damn…wait…you broke up with him…what happened?" he asked, now suddenly serious.

"Frank, don't worry about it."

"He hit you, didn't he?" Like I said before, it's not worth it to argue with him.

"Yes, okay? I dumped him. He knew why. He beat the crap out of me and smashed my face into a tree. Is that what you wanted to hear?" I told him and he just sat there in disbelief and…anger?

"Alex-"

"Frank, shut UP!" Mr. Rivera yelled one more time and Frank actually sounded like he meant it when he apologized. That was weird.

He tried to get my attention the rest of the period but I didn't want to talk about it. It made me so uncomfortable. I didn't want to ignore Frank but dealing with any more of this crap today was going to drive me up the wall.

I was relieved when the bell rang. Thankfully Frank went to his locker instead of following me to mine. I thought he was going to keep bugging me about what happened. I shoved all of my books into my locker not really caring to find out if I needed anything for homework. I probably wasn't going to do all of it anyway. I closed the door and turned around only to find Nate standing directly in front of me. I almost had a heart attack.

"Holy crap. What do you want?" He narrowed his eyes at me and stepped closer. I felt like breathing was becoming more and more difficult.

"Thought you weren't coming today."

"I wish I didn't," I mumbled, not looking at him. He grabbed my face and forced me to look at him.

"What was that?" He was practically pressed up against me, leaving me no room to move away.

"Nothing. Please, just get off of me."

"Funny, Mitchie said the same thing." He smirked and I could feel bile rising up in my throat.

"Don't touch her."

"Or what? Go on, do something about it." He pushed me and for the first time I was too angry to let him. I shoved him back and slapped him across the face and he became absolutely livid. He pulled his arm back and I just _knew_ I was about to get knocked out. I closed my eyes and held my breath but the punch never came. When I opened them they widened in surprise and relief. Turns out Frank did want to keep bugging me and he came back to find me. He grabbed Nate by the back of his shirt and his arm and pulled him off of me, throwing him into the row of lockers on the opposite side of the hall. He hit the floor hard and thankfully he stayed there.

"What the fuck…" It was all I could manage to get out at the moment. I knew Nate was strong but against Frank he didn't really stand much of a chance. Frank might be kind of skinny but he is a fucking tower. He came over to my side.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I said, still amazed at what had just happened. "Thank you."

"Anytime." He gave me a one-armed hug and I spotted Zach passing by in the hall. He stopped when he noticed Nate on the floor and he looked up at us, confused.

"What the hell happened?" he asked, taking note of my shaken up appearance.

"He tried hitting her," Frank answered for me.

"Are you serious?" he asked, getting pissed off.

"Yeah and he hurt Mitchie today too." Zach's eyes widened.

"What?"

"Because apparently beating the shit out of Alex wasn't enough. I swear to God if we weren't in school I would kill him. I can't get in trouble though. I'm one strike away from getting suspended." Zach just stared at us. I just wanted to go home. We stayed like that for a moment before Nate started walking away from my locker. That's when Zach snapped out of his trance and started going after him. Anxious to see what was going on, Frank and I followed.

"NATE!" he shouted when he finally reached him.

"What do you want?" He didn't answer him. He punched him square in eye and he went down instantly. After that he just walked away and came back to us.

"Holy shit dude!" Frank shouted, slapping Zach on the shoulder.

"He's either going to back off or just be even angrier now."

"It's okay Zach, thanks. I'm sorry I didn't tell you," I told him and he nodded.

"It's fine. Just…be careful." And with that he walked away from us again. Frank turned towards me.

"Well today was…interesting."

"Tell me about it."

"You need a ride home or you walking?" he asked me and I thought about it. Walking seemed like a good way to relax a bit before I went back to Mitchie's.

"I think I'm gonna walk. I'll see you tomorrow." He said a quick goodbye and headed towards his car outside. I sighed and started my trek home. I was walking down the street when a car pulled up next to me. I instantly recognized it as Nate's and I kept walking, trying my best to ignore him.

"You better watch your fucking back Alex. Your bodyguards aren't always gonna be around to protect you." I didn't even look his way. I just kept my head down and continued walking. I breathed a sigh of relief when he drove away but I was trying so hard not to cry. Even after I break up with him he is still ruining my life. I just want to go _one_ _day_ without all of this shit. It's like a nightmare that I can't wake up from. It never ends.

I held in my tears as I walked the last few blocks. It was getting hard though. It's not normal the things we have to go through. I just wanted to be with Mitchie without people trying to get in the way of that…or trying to kill us. My phone vibrating in my pocket broke me out of my thoughts.

_Text Message From: Mitchie_

_I love you too._

I stared at the screen with a smile on my face. At least I know I won't be going through this alone. _It's just me and her. Nothing else matters. _Despite the day's events I found that I was actually…happy. I put my phone back in my jeans and finished my walk a little quicker. Because even though school was hell I had the greatest thing in the world waiting for me at home. And I couldn't wait to get back to her.

* * *

><p><strong>*In all honestly, I never intended to make Nate's character abusive. Maybe verballyemotionally but never physically. I don't remember why or when I changed my mind but don't worry because he isn't really going to be in the story much longer. He bothers me and I'm trying to get rid of him.*  
><strong>

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Stand Tall by The Dirty Heads**


	10. Little Secrets

**A/N 1: Thank you to everyone who reviewed the last one. You da best. I have the next three chapters already thought up and I just need time to write it...time that I don't really have BUT I'm gonna try to get them done BUT school comes first and I honestly think I'm failing BUT you know...whatever. That's it. Okay BYE.  
><strong>

**READ. ENJOY. REVIEW. REPEAT (well not really)  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>10. Little Secrets<p>

_Staring at the stars on your ceiling  
>Thinking once there was a power that you were wielding<br>And now I've hit the mark  
>Staring at the dark<br>And I cannot help but ignore the people staring at my scars_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

"What happened to your elbow?" I froze with my fork halfway to my mouth and locked eyes across the dinner table. Brian was staring at my exposed arm, the sleeve of my hoodie rolled up a little too high. I completely forgot I was coming here tonight. I have been trying to make an appearance in my home more often. I feel like Brian is starting to get suspicious.

"What are you talking about?"

"You got a bruise on it," Max pointed out even though I already knew.

"I do? Oh crap, that's insane. Where'd that come from?" I studied it; it wasn't as bad as it was a few days ago. "I must've hit it against something." Like my locker. Things around school aren't exactly worse but they haven't gotten better. Frank follows me around like he's a fucking guard dog or something to keep Nate away. Brooke and her lackey have taken a strong interest in me and Mitchie though. I have no idea why. I've never done anything to either of them.

"It looks bad. Hang on a sec." He stood up from the table and went over to the fridge, pulling an ice pack from the freezer. "Here, rest it on this." He placed it under my arm as he sat back down.

"Thanks." We flowed back into conversation easily. It was always easy when my mom wasn't here. I never had a problem coming after hearing one of my favorite sentences in the world: your mother's not gonna be home for dinner. It went by smoothly. After a while, Max went to his room to finish his homework and I stayed to help Brian clean up. He said he hasn't seen me in a while and I felt bad for not coming around lately. I think I know how to make up for that. "So, I broke up with Nate." He stopped what he was doing and spun around to look at me.

"You're shitting me." I shook my head and he threw his arms up in the air dramatically. "Praise the lord baby Jesus!"

"I thought you'd be happy to hear that."

"This is the best news I have ever heard in my life! Why didn't you tell me this before? I would have thrown a party. I would've gotten fuckin' balloons and confetti and everything."

"I think you're happier about this than Mitchie is," I laughed and handed him the last of the plates from the table.

"I have been waiting for this day ever since I met him." I didn't realize how much Brian hated Nate. Well…I guess _everyone_ hated Nate. "How is Mitchie, anyway?" This time I stopped what I was doing.

"Um…she's good," I said a little awkwardly and I think he noticed.

"Everything alright between you two?" He knew we had fought frequently lately and I would always tell him what was going on. I just wouldn't tell him that she was my girlfriend. I'm lucky that gossip in our school doesn't travel beyond the year you're in. If you were a freshman then you wouldn't hear anything going on about the juniors or anyone else for that matter. Otherwise Max would find out and…yeah, I don't want to think about that. He's a clueless boy anyway.

"Yeah…I think so. It's just…I don't know, I think Mitchie's been acting kind of…weird." He sat down after wiping his hands with a dish rag and sat down across from me. He seemed to be deep in thought about something.

"Hmm…what kind of weird?"

"What do you mean?"

"Eating disorder weird or traumatized weird?" I didn't even think about that. All that's been running through my mind were school related problems.

"I…have no idea actually. It seems more like eating disorder weird but I'm not sure."

"Well…what's different about her that you think she's acting weird?"

"I don't know, Brian. She just looks…sad, I guess. And tired and just…distant."

"But you're not fighting?" I shook my head. That's why I thought it was so strange. When it was Nate we were dealing with then we would be fighting because I wouldn't break up with him. It couldn't be something at school. If it was, why wouldn't she tell me? We're going through the same thing there.

"No. I haven't said anything about it to her because I don't want to _start_ fighting. You know, like with her anxiety." Well, at least in the beginning anyway. Bringing up things that bother her just bother her more…even if I am just trying to help.

"Maybe you should just leave her alone."

"But I'm not doing anything to her," I said back, getting a little defensive.

"I know. I meant just keep doing that…nothing. Maybe it's something personal." I thought that too but we always tell each other everything. "Or…" he trailed off, seeming to come up with something else.

"Or what?"

"Maybe it's something…but she doesn't want you to worry about her. Isn't that what always happens with her? She has a serious problem and won't tell you until it gets too bad to hide anymore." Oh…fuck.

"God damn it. I think you might be right." Normally he would boast about how he is always right but he just sighed and put a supportive hand on my shoulder.

"Sorry kiddo. I hope I'm wrong. I know how much that poor girl has gone through."

"But what do I do? If something's wrong I can't just sit back and watch it get worse."

"I think that's all you really can do. You don't even know if something is really wrong for sure. Just wait it out and see what happens. In the mean time just…be there for her, like you always are." I sighed too and slouched in my seat, propping my elbow on the table and resting my head in my hand.

"I guess."

"Don't worry. You guys get through everything." At that I felt myself smiling a little.

"Yeah. We do."

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

It's official. Homeroom has easily become my least favorite class. And it isn't even a real class. We're only here for like…fifteen minutes. Alex and I don't get _too_ much shit from people. An occasional dirty look here and there from people we've never met before but the vicious and hurtful comments weren't a frequent occurrence. Brooke, however, was a different story. Sure, Nate actually put his hands on us to physically hurt us but Brook was…merciless.

Now, I know I am insecure and I care too much about what other people may or may not think of me but I would never show it. And if I did I would show it through anger and I would retaliate. In this situation though, I can't. For one thing, I promised Alex I wouldn't do anything about the people talking about us. But I would be lying if I said I didn't want to bash a chair into Brooke's face.

It's not even what she says about me that gets under my skin. But it's completely unnecessary to attack Alex in the process. I get most of it though. She just says things about Alex to piss me off; and boy was it working. I've heard a multitude of insults from her already and it's only been about a week or two since we were 'out'. I've gotten called gross, dyke, slut, whore, other variations of those words, oh and my personal favorite: home-wrecker.

I admit the things she said got to me but I had to laugh at that one. I mean, really, as if there was a legitimate relationship for me to break up in the first place. These girls were so fucking dense but I had to keep my mouth shut. And even worse, I had to keep my hands to myself. But _God _I wanted to break that girl in half.

I hadn't seen Alex since yesterday. She didn't come back to my house. I knew she was going over her own house for dinner because her mom wasn't there. She texted me last night saying she was just going to sleep there because it had gotten late and it would be weird for her to just randomly leave. I don't know why she's late now though. I chalked it up to her being lazy and for once I wasn't there to drag her sleeping ass out of bed on time.

"Hello Mitchie." Oh well fuck _me._

"What is it this time Brooke?" I asked, not even bothering to give her a proper greeting back.

"Why would you think I want something?"

"I don't know but you seem to be growing quite attached to me. I would say I'm flattered but if I'm being honest, all this attention is making me a little uncomfortable. And quite frankly, 'diseased cheerleader' is not my type," I told her uncaringly, still looking at my phone on my desk.

"First of all…that's disgusting. Second…why would I go after someone who's already taken?" She thought she was so damn clever.

"Like that's ever stopped you before." Just then I got a text from Alex saying that Brian was giving her a ride but she was running late and would just meet me during our second period class. I sighed and turned to face Brooke who apparently had been speaking this whole time. "Look I don't know what you're talking about but I promise that I don't care. And I don't know if you remember or not, you probably don't because I know how hard it is for you to keep count, but you fucked Nate last year…while he was still going out with Alex," I pointed out and she gave me a dirty look before narrowing her eyes at me.

"At least I was single."

"And you always will be."

"Keep talking like that Mitchie."

"Or _what_?" I threatened and she stood up, scoffed as if she didn't care, and went to her friends on the other side of the room. I swear this bell couldn't ring any sooner.

I knew I shouldn't be getting Brooke any more riled up but she was pushing this too much and I am almost completely fed up with her bullshit. I was exhausted and I felt like I was going to pass out at any second. My chest just hurt and I wanted nothing more than to just go home and not even deal with school or anyone anymore.

Thankfully when Alex actually did show up to school she told me that her mom left her alone when she was home. I guess in a full house she wouldn't try anything. We still hardly act like a couple around here though. It's mainly because of me but she doesn't want the extra attention either.

By the time our lunch period rolled around I thought the day was actually going by alright, aside from homeroom. What I didn't realize, however, was just how much I set Brooke off during our short conversation…which was ironic because she was the one trying to make me mad. And it worked; I just didn't think it would the same the other way around. I wasn't even trying to.

I told Alex I would meet her in the cafeteria because I had to go to the bathroom. When I went in I heard the door open again shortly after it closed behind me. I didn't think anything of it because…well, it's a public restroom. And I didn't expect to be yanked from the back of my shirt and pushed up against the side of a stall. And I definitely didn't expect to be looking at Brooke and some guy…in the girl's room.

"Oh my God enough already. Aren't you tired of this?" I asked her almost desperately. I didn't _want_ to seem desperate but this needed to stop before it went too far. I recognized the guy as Nate's friend; the same one that held me down as Nate punched me in the stomach.

"Aw Mitchie and I was trying to do you a favor," she said in an innocent voice and I wanted to spit on her. "You finally got away from Alex. I bet you're relieved. But I thought I would just make it easier for you."

"What the fuck are you even talking about? And who are you? Let go of me," I told the guy holding onto me but he just smirked and held me by my face tightly.

"Oh calm down Mitch." I cringed at the use of my nickname. "You would think you would be enjoying this, you know, what with you being a whore and all." I gritted my teeth and the guy behind me moved his hand down my body and I was sure I was going to throw up.

"Fuck you," I spat but I soon felt the hand on my waist travel lower, brushing up against my bare thigh. I wanted to punch him in the face. I wanted to punch _myself_ in the face for deciding to wear shorts today. We just _had_ to have nice weather…

"Calm down, baby," he said into my ear and I shut my eyes tightly. That sounded so wrong coming from anyone that wasn't Alex. His hands went up my thighs and over my stomach, under my shirt as I continued to struggle to get away. My insides were turning and practically on fire. _This was so wrong_. I couldn't believe that I was actually getting felt up by some random guy in the bathroom. I was completely and utterly disgusted.

"Oh but what would poor Alex think of this?"

"You're sick, Brooke."

"I don't see a problem with being treated as what you are." Her voice was cold and spiteful and I fought back the tears that I just _knew_ were going to come if I didn't get out of here soon. I felt a tug at the waist of my shorts and the button trying to be undone and I shoved as hard as I could. I managed to slip out of his grasp before he could touch me again and I slapped him across the face with all the strength in my body.

"Hey watch yourself, faggot." He took a step closer to me but I held my ground.

"Bite me. I don't know even know who you are but you and the human sperm bank over there can go fuck yourselves."

"Do something about it," Brooke challenged and it took everything in me not to kill her right then and there. The only thing worse than not being able to do something about someone annoying you is when that person _knows_ you're not going to do anything. I just can't. And I promised Alex.

"Go to hell." I gave up and turned around _praying_ they wouldn't follow me again. When I stepped into the hallway I took a deep breath and continued to hold back the tears. I didn't need to be crying while walking into the cafeteria. The last thing I need is for Alex to start questioning me.

**Alex's POV**

Jesus, she was taking forever. I already got us food and sat down with Frank and Zach. They were talking away but I wasn't really listening. Occasionally they would say something to me and I would mumble or nod my head but I had no idea what they were saying. I thought about texting her but I remembered what Brian told me; just leave her alone.

"There you are Mitch," Zach said and I looked up to see that same weird look she's had lately. I wonder if the guys noticed it too. She sat next to me and I leaned over to kiss her cheek. She still didn't turn to look at me.

"Hey, what's up?" I asked only slightly concerned. I didn't want to sound so serious and have her close up on me.

"Nothing," she said while shaking her head. Again, this is the weird behavior I was talking about. She just looks tired all the time. I pushed my tray towards her, not wanting to pry.

"I got you lunch." She stared at it for a moment, not saying anything. "Mitch?"

"I'm not hungry." At that, Zach looked just as concerned as I felt.

"Why aren't you eating?"

"I told you I'm just not hungry."

"Eat something," he said a little more sternly and she shot him a hard look. I placed my hand on her arm gently and she seemed to relax a little. She still wouldn't look at me though.

"I don't want to," she said while breathing out a sigh. Honestly she looked like she needed to eat something…or take a nap.

"I'll eat it." Everyone turned to Frank who clearly had no idea what was going on. "What? She said she wasn't hungry." Man, this kid was stupid.

"You can have it," she told him almost solemnly but he was too happy about getting free food to notice.

"Yes! You're the best Mitch."

"Are you okay?" I asked her quietly while Frank and Zach resumed their previous conversation. I know I said I wouldn't pry but I am honestly starting to worry.

"Yeah, I'm fine." I could tell that she was trying her best to sound normal. I know Mitchie, and this isn't normal.

"Well, is there a reason you won't look at me?" She was quiet for a moment before turning to finally face me and shook her head again. I could see the sadness in her eyes. I wish I knew what the cause of it was so I could make it go away. I reached for her hand under the table and held it. "If something was wrong, you'd tell me right?" She stared at our hands and then looked back at me. And then back at our hands again. Still no response. Then she just got up and walked away from the table and out of the cafeteria. I was so confused.

"Where is she going?" Zach asked when he realized that she left. I couldn't even come up with a lie to tell him.

"I don't know."

* * *

><p>It wasn't until last period that I finally saw Mitchie again and she still looked the same as she did during lunch. She looked like she was sick. I hated this. But I know I'm just going to get on her nerves if I keep asking her what's going on.<p>

She stayed quiet for most of the period. She would only speak if spoken to. She would only give short, one-word answers to everything I said. I wasn't getting mad. It's not like she was giving me an attitude.

Her demeanor only changed in the least bit at the end of the day. We were walking away from her locker to leave the building and go home but of course someone had to stop us. And _of course_ that someone had to be Brooke and…whoever the fuck that girl is that's always with her.

"Come on Alex, let's go," Mitchie mumbled to me as she grabbed my hand, less than enthused about our run-in with the brunette.

"Why are you in such a rush, Mitch?" she asked and I felt Mitchie tense up. She looked genuinely uncomfortable.

"Back off, I mean it."

"Oh please. You don't scare me, queer." I think Brooke has gotten…braver…in the past week or so. Normally people didn't mess with Mitchie. Well, normally people didn't want to or have an actual reason to. She tugged on my hand again.

"Fuck you," she said as we turned to leave again.

"I bet you would…"

"Shut up," she warned with a hard look and a tight jaw.

"_Whore_," she continued to taunt and I couldn't take hearing her anymore.

"Alright enough! Like you're one to fucking talk, Brooke. Why don't you and your herpes and _whatever_ her name is go play in traffic somewhere?" The smirk fell from her face and she stepped closer to me. This is why I leave things alone. I _hated_ confrontation.

"Why don't you take your _bitch_ and go get in another wreck somewhere?" In that instant I felt numb. It's like my blood turned cold inside of me and all I wanted to do was hurt her. She was standing right in front of me and I shoved her away, ready to punch her in the mouth. And I don't even like hitting people, even when they deserved it. I thought she was going to shove me back but she clenched a fist. I almost flinched as she came at me but barely had enough time to. Before she could hit me, Mitchie swung her history book, hitting her right in the face and knocking her down. She didn't stop there though. In her rage, she climbed on top of her and they went back and forth hitting each other. A crowd was starting to gather around us.

"Mitchie!" I tried to get her attention but she was way past reasoning. I grabbed her by the arms and pulled her off of the fighting cheerleader. "Mitchie, calm down," I said a little more gently but she was still furious.

"Don't worry Alex. You can't really blame a girl for sticking to what she knows. _Being on top of people_." Her smirk was once again playing on her now slightly cut lip. I thought I was going to have to hold Mitchie back again but all I saw was hurt in her eyes. She forcefully pulled herself out of my grasp, picked up her book from the floor and walked away without another word. Since I obviously didn't care enough to stick around here anymore I immediately went after her.

"Wait, Mitchie, slow down," I called from behind her but she just kept walking. I picked up my pace a little until I finally caught up with her outside. "Mitchie just stop for a second." I held her by the arm again but not as firmly as before.

"What, Alex?" she asked, her voice on the verge of breaking. The look in her eyes still painful. It broke my heart.

"What _was_ that back there?" I asked, both shocked and confused. I know she has a temper but I have never seen her like _that_ before.

"Nothing."

"What do you mean nothing? She says one remark to me and you attack her but she relentlessly calls you a whore and you just walk away?

"Well what do you want me to do Alex!" she snapped, slightly frustrated and completely exasperated. But I wasn't about to pick a fight with her. _Just leave her alone._

"I just want to know what's going on. You never get like this," I told her calmly and she let out a shaky breath.

"I'm sorry…I know you said you didn't want me to do anything but I…I just…" She was struggling to get her words out but it didn't matter. I pulled her into a hug, wrapping my arms tightly around her shoulders, and she rested her head against my chest.

"It's okay, Mitch." Brian's words continuously repeated themselves in my mind over and over. _Just be there for her, like you always are_. I kissed her temple and we untangled ourselves from one another. She seemed to have relaxed a little bit but still looked worn out and she breathed out a long sigh.

"Let's just go home." I nodded and we started walking seeing as that I didn't bring my car to school this morning. It was silent and only slightly tense but that tension slowly melted away as soon as I felt her hand locking with mine. I looked up at her and smiled and to my surprise she actually smiled back. It was the first smile I have seen from her all day and even though it was small and weak it was beautiful, and it was enough.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Little Secrets by Passion Pit**

**(one of my favorites/most played on iTunes...just thought I'd throw that in there)  
><strong>


	11. Anything, Anything

**A/N 1: Oh hay fast update. I know, I'm shocked too. This chapter was already in my head and since the only day of the week I don't have school or work is Sunday (my Sabbath, obv) I wrote the whole thing. Went over it a couple times and I think I edited it fine. For once I'm not apologizing for being so fucking slow. Thanks again for the reviews on the last chapter. I love you guys. Hope you like this one!**

**Side Note: I hope no one's confused with the flashbacks since I don't actually write that it's a flashback anymore. Large parts (not just one word/sentence) in **_italics_** are flashbacks. Just clearing that up. If anyone's confused with anything else in the story feel free to let me know.  
><strong>

****Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.****

* * *

><p>11. Anything, Anything<p>

_Okay, what is it tonight?  
>At least just tell me what the hell is wrong<br>Do you wanna eat?  
>Do you wanna sleep?<br>Do you wanna drown?  
>Just settle down, settle down, settle down<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I think Mitchie has somehow morphed into me circa last year. Well…not _entirely._ See, the thing is…I would always pick fights with Mitchie because I wanted to push her away. I didn't want to let her in so I forced her away. But now…she isn't fighting with me. That's just it; we're not fighting. I don't fucking get what's happening to us.

She's acting so different. She's almost never happy. I don't even sleep in her room anymore. It was just awkward for me so I went back to mine. I have tried to leave it alone and just let it pass but nothing is passing. Everything is staying the same and it's driving me crazy inside. She isn't mad at me for anything. There's no bitterness or hostility, not with me anyway. She's just quiet and sad.

She's not acting like herself. When she got into that fight with Brooke I was actually scared. Even when she fought Nate at Zach's house it wasn't the same. She was drunk beyond all recognition that night. But she never gets this bad normally. At least the consequences weren't too bad. Fights like that don't exactly go unnoticed.

_Getting called to the principal's office wasn't something so foreign to me but when I have no idea what I have done I get confused to say the least. Regardless, I gathered my stuff from my desk and headed straight to the familiar room down the hall. But when I walked in realization hit me like a truck._

"_Ah, Miss Russo so nice of you to join us, please have a seat," the slightly large man said and motioned to the empty chair next to the one person I never thought I would see in here…Mitchie. She didn't look up at me; she just kind of let her head hang, probably upset about being here in the first place. "Do you know why you're in here?" Of course I knew. There couldn't be any other reason except…_

"_I already told you she didn't do anything," Mitchie spoke up before I could even answer._

"_According to Miss Stevens, your little friend over here was the reason for it."_

"_No, Brooke just hates me so she's just making things up. She said some things that she knew would piss me off and I have had it up to here with her."_

"_Look, Mitchie," he started, dropping the formality of using our last names to address us, "I believe you because let's face it. Brooke is no stranger to causing problems. She's worse than Alex."_

"_Hey!" I mean, I don't know why I'm defending myself. He's right; I was pretty bad in school. All my teachers complain that I have 'quite a mouth on me'._

"_My point is you can't use violence as retaliation. And Brooke said Alex put her hands on her first."_

"_She was defending herself." For someone who hasn't spoken much these past couple of weeks she sure had no problem doing all the talking right now._

"_Mitchie, I want to hear Alex's side of this. So let her talk."I suddenly grew nervous. I was normally good at talking my way out of things here. But now I feel like there's a story Mitchie wants him to hear and it's not the same as what actually happened. The thing is I just don't know what that story is. And I don't know what to say to him._

"_Um…well Brooke's been…I guess harassing us for like…a week or two now," I started, unsure of where I was even going with this._

"_Harassing how?" I looked to Mitchie and she looked like she wanted to throw up or cry._

"_Verbally. But she took it too far and she kept coming closer to me so I just pushed her away." His face didn't change; he just listened intently. I think he was actually giving me a chance to explain myself for once. Then again, I've never been called into the office for a fight. "And then she was going to hit me…like, she balled up a fist and pulled back to swing and everything."_

"_And then Mitchie intervened?" he asked and I didn't know if this was something I should admit to. He obviously knows Mitchie was part of the fight otherwise she wouldn't even be in here. Plus, there were more than enough witnesses around to confirm that she hit the girl._

"_Yes," I told him, almost afraid that Mitchie was going to get mad at me for throwing her under the bus. "They started fighting and I pulled her off of Brooke to stop it." He nodded and leaned back in his chair, thinking. He raised his glasses and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger before sitting up straight again._

"_Okay. All three of you girls have told me what happened yesterday…and none of the stories match." My face dropped and I think Mitchie's did as well. Crap._

"_So what happens now?" Mitchie asked, clearly pissed off and equally upset._

"_Well first, I need to know what actually happened. Brooke claims that Alex hit her because she took something she said the wrong way and then you hit her with a textbook when she tried to defend herself." I think my jaw actually dropped at that pile of garbage she fed to him. "You claim that Brooke was bad mouthing Alex and tried to hit her and then you hit her with a textbook." Well her story wasn't so far from the truth. "And Alex claims that she pushed Brooke first-"_

"_Oh c'mon Mr. Laritate she's claustrophobic of course she's gonna push her she was practically on top of her against a wall!" Mitchie cut in trying to defend my actions but he just continued talking._

"_And then she was going to hit her…and then you hit her with a textbook. All three stories seem to end in you hitting her with a textbook. So at least you all agreed on something. I'm inclined to believe Mitchie mainly because she has never gotten in trouble in the three years you guys have been here. And truth be told, Brooke is a liar. This I'm aware of. However, I believe Alex's story." I was taken aback by that to be completely honest. I get in trouble frequently and Mitchie is practically a perfect student. And he's going to believe me over her? I mean, I'm the one telling the truth but still…_

"_What! Why?" Mitchie shouted even though I have no idea why._

"_Because I spoke to another student who witnessed the little showdown in the hallway and Alex's story is the only one that matched theirs. So Alex is the only one telling the whole truth…which is shocking. And even though I understand your reasons Mitchie, you cannot hit another student and I can't let this go unpunished. A suspension is in order," he stated firmly and I just know this is killing Mitchie inside. She has never done a single thing wrong until now. "But…this isn't just a matter of who hit who first. I am a firm believer that instigators are just as much at fault."_

"_So I'm not in trouble?" she asked both confused and hopeful._

"_Oh no you are in trouble. Like I said, this cannot go unpunished. But given the circumstances and considering this is your first offense I'm only giving you a week of detention." She visibly relaxed in her seat and I was so glad that telling the truth here for once didn't get her into too much trouble._

"_What about me?" I asked curiously. I don't know why I asked. Maybe if I kept quiet he would have forgotten I was even involved._

"_You only get one." Well that was weird. I wasn't used to being the one in the least amount of trouble. "Brooke is also getting a week's worth of detention but you will be in separate rooms. We don't need a repeat of yesterday. Now, get out."_

We thought that was the end of that mess. We were wrong. She wasn't mad that I told the truth although she didn't enjoy detention all that much. It's not like she told me what to say beforehand. It was fun explaining the whole thing to her parents though. And by 'fun' I obviously mean 'awful'.

It completely slipped our minds that when you get in trouble at school, especially for getting into a fight, your parents have to be notified. Needless to say they weren't exactly thrilled learning that their daughter was trying to kill someone in the halls of the school.

_I served my only detention at the end of the day while Mitchie served her first. We got out of school at the same time and I drove us both home. We weren't expecting the onslaught of questions and shouting when we walked through the door of her apartment building though._

"_What the hell happened, Mitchie?" her mom shouted the second we entered her house._

"_What are you talking about?" she asked, playing dumb or maybe she really didn't think they knew about her trip to the principal's office._

"_Don't even try that. I got a call from your school today because you got into a fight with another girl!" We sat down on the couch and watched as her parents angrily stared down at us._

"_Yeah, so?" Even I was weirded out by her response. Like it was a normal thing for her to get detention._

"_So? This is unacceptable Mitchie. What is going on with you?" That's what I would like to know but I bet her answer is going to be…_

"_Nothing." There it is._

"_Mitch, your mother and I are starting to worry about you. You hardly eat and you're always unhappy," Steve said in a much calmer tone._

"_No I'm not." I guess she is still in denial. Or she just thinks we're that stupid._

"_Yes you are. And now you're being violent in school? This isn't like you."_

"_She deserved it."_

"_Why? What happened?"_

"_She hasn't left me alone for like two weeks. If she says one more thing I'm going to lose it."_

"_Why won't she leave you alone?" Damn it. I wish they wouldn't ask. What are we supposed to tell them? She's terrorizing us because we're gay? Yeah that's brilliant._

"_Because she's a bitch and she just hates me."_

"_Did you do something to her?"_

"_No!" She was getting louder and more defensive and I could tell that this discussion was going to soon turn into an argument. So far I was left out of it. And I am actually a little thankful for that._

"_Mitchie watch your tone. I don't care what she did or said to you. I will not have my daughter getting into fights. Your behavior is starting to scare us. I don't want you falling back into old habits."_

"_I'm not!" she shouted and stood up, fully prepared to leave and go to her room. Her parents had other plans though._

"_No, you are not leaving. We're not done here."_

"_Well I am."_

"_I don't care! You can't just go around miserable and not eating and hitting people and expect us not to be concerned. Now sit down." Her dad was getting more pissed off which was weird considering it was usually her mom doing the yelling. I just wished they would both stop. I'm just as concerned as they are, probably more, but I know that I'm not going to get anywhere with her by yelling and prying._

"_I'm not bulimic would you stop already!"_

"_Then eat something."_

"_I'm not even hungry now how come everyone's on my case?" she asked, getting upset again._

"_Because this isn't normal." I wished he wouldn't say that. She's just going to close up and probably leave now. Oh, look, I was right. There she goes, without another word, into her bedroom. The door slammed shut and her parents finally acknowledged that I was sitting there too. "What is going on with her?"_

"_I don't know but I think yelling at her is just going to make it worse," I told them honestly. "I'm gonna go see if she's okay." I got up and followed after her but I had no intention of questioning her. I was still set on this whole 'leave her alone but be there for her' thing. I was worried but I was just hoping she would come around on her own. _

She hasn't come around. I was hoping to keep our conversations normal and calm but I think I was just about done with holding everything in. This was downright ridiculous and I needed to get her to talk to me or we were both going to be miserable.

The only reason I say she's acting like I was last year is because she is keeping things from me. I found that out a couple weeks ago. I wasn't angry. Sure, I didn't like that she kept something from me but after hearing what happened I went back to being worried.

_I didn't want to have this discussion in school or while I was driving so I waited until we got home. But I soon realized that I had no idea how to approach the topic. I didn't want to just randomly spring it on her. She'll feel like I'm attacking her or accusing her._

_I left it alone for a while but when she didn't eat dinner again I was done. I went into her room and found her lying down on her side with her headphones in her ears. She didn't say anything when she saw me walk in._

"_Mitchie." Still nothing. I sat next to her on the bed and put my hand on her waist. She flinched a little and shut her iPod off._

"_What?"_

"_Are you okay?" That was probably a stupid question. It's not like she's going to say no._

"_Yeah, I'm fine." I guess I'll just tell her. _

"_Mitchie…I know what happened." She stiffened a little and sat up._

"_What do you mean?"_

"_I know what happened," I repeated and she looked scared, the panic clear in her eyes._

"…_you do?" I was surprised she wasn't denying it._

"_Frank told me. He overheard Nate's friends. But…why didn't you tell me?" Tears were building up in her eyes. I felt so bad for her. This is why I couldn't be mad._

"_I...I thought you would…"_

"_Mitchie I'm not gonna hold something like that against you but I can't believe you wouldn't tell me this. You should have told _anybody_. What Brooke and that guy did was…horrible."_

"_I know. I should have said something," she said after a while. Her voice was so quiet and strained and just…broken._

"_Is that why you lashed out at her?" She nodded her head weakly and I put a comforting hand on her shoulder. "Why is she doing this?" I think that was more of a rhetorical question. Brooke has always been a bitch. If it wasn't us then it was going to be someone else. There is always some poor kid being harassed by the cheerleader. She just gets pleasure from making other people miserable. "What happened? Frank just said some guy was touching you." She took a deep breath and then another._

"_Before lunch…they followed me into the bathroom. She said she was making things easier for me by bringing him to me. He…he held me against the stall and just…started putting his hands on me." I inwardly cringed and I had to hold in my anger, not at her but at whoever this asshole was that thought it was okay to touch any girl like that let alone _my_ girlfriend._

"_Did um, did he…" I trailed off not even wanting to think about what could have possibly happened. She shook her head quickly dispelling those thoughts._

"_No, he was only touching. He was just trying to bother me. She kept calling me a whore and how I shouldn't be surprised when I'm treated like one." A single tear trailed down her cheek and I took her hand in mine hoping she wouldn't pull away. "I didn't tell you because I didn't want you to get mad and I just wanted to forget it ever happened."_

"_You shouldn't feel guilty, Mitch."_

"_Yes I should," she said, more tears making their way down her face._

"_No. You shouldn't." I knew what Brooke said had gotten to her. She may be tough but she is so insecure. "Hey, look at me," I told her gently and her red eyes finally gazed up at mine. "Don't listen to her. Brooke is a psychopath, okay? Don't listen to anything she says." She nodded but I think she just did it to pacify me not because she actually believes me._

"_Okay."_

Now, I thought that once the little bathroom incident was out in the open then everything would go back to normal. I was wrong. I'm always wrong. I swear this must have been how she felt with me when I was a closed book and I seriously feel bad for ever putting her through that. Because this sucks ass.

I would never understand why she always used to insist on making me tell her what was wrong or why she cared so much but I realize that it's because she loves me. And I love her. And I don't like seeing her like this. I don't even know what _this_ is because quite frankly, I really thought we were past it. Apparently, we weren't. Well, at least she wasn't.

I decided that there was no point in beating around the bush this time around. About a month has passed since the school found out about us and a couple weeks have passed since I found about her getting harassed by one of Nate's friends and nothing has changed. I have come to the conclusion that with us, prying is necessary. Why? We are both the most stubborn people to walk this planet.

Her parents were out tonight with her aunt and uncle, leaving us alone. The house was so damn silent it was driving me insane. Every time I would try to say something I would get these lame responses that would hardly constitute as actual sentences.

"Alright what is going on with you?" I asked probably louder than necessary and I was starting to sound like her father but I didn't care at this point.

"Nothing."

"Don't give me that! You cannot honestly sit there and tell me that nothing's wrong! I thought you were acting this way because of what happened with Brooke and that guy but you're still being distant and weird. If it's still Brooke then just tell me!"

"Nothing is wrong!"

"Bullshit. You don't talk or eat or sleep or do anything anymore. Is it your eating disorder? Anxiety? C'mon Mitchie, what is it?" I begged frantically, almost desperately. I think I was the one on the verge of tears even though she looked pained and borderline miserable.

"Alex-"

"You let Brooke shit on you twenty-four seven."

"You told me to do nothing!"

"I said I didn't want you beating people up for saying something." She didn't say anything back and I let out a breath I didn't even know I was holding in. "Is it me?" I asked the one question I was truly afraid to hear the answer to. Her expression changed after that. She actually showed emotion.

"What? Why would you think that?"

"Because, Mitchie, I'm worried about you. You're my girlfriend and I love you but I just…I feel like I'm the only one in this relationship," I admitted finally. This has been held in for too long and it was all finally bubbling to the surface and boiling over. "You hardly ever talk to me and I can't remember the last time we even kissed. You've barely touched or looked at me in like…a month." She remained silent but that look was still on her face. The only difference was that she was now crying. "Am I doing something wrong? Did I do something to upset you? Because if I did then I'm sorry. Tell me so I can fix it."

"You didn't do anything."

"Are you sure? Because I want to help but I feel like you don't even want me around anymore." She kept shaking her head.

"No, I swear I do, please-"

"Then what is it?" I tried one last time but she went right back to being quiet. "Fine. I give up. If you see my girlfriend can you please tell her that I'm looking for her? Because I miss her." I moved from my spot and left her bedroom without waiting for her to respond. I doubt she was going to anyway.

I shut her door and went to the kitchen. I didn't want everything to blow up like that but it had to be done. I had to get that out. My head was pounding and I was just drained. I don't know what I'm going to do about this anymore.

I looked in the fridge to see what there was but I soon deemed myself too lazy to actually make something. I settled on the leftover Chinese food we had last night and put everything on the stove to heat up quickly. After a couple minutes I put some of it in a bowl and parked my ass on the living room couch, turning the television on. I wanted to cry.

I probably looked as emotionless as Mitchie right now. The pain in my head seemed to move down into my chest and I was fighting the urge to turn into a sobbing wreck. I swear we have more problems than any normal teenage couple should, gay or not. About ten minutes have passed before I felt the couch move a little. I turned to my left and saw Mitchie sitting next to me.

I just looked at her not knowing what to say anymore. She wasn't crying but I could tell that she had only just recently stopped. Her eyes were still slightly red and her eyelashes looked like they were just beginning to dry. Again, she didn't look mad and I had absolutely no idea what to make of this situation.

"I'm sorry." Despite her weird behavior she sounded completely sincere. Still, I didn't know what to say so I figured I would just do what she's been doing to me; I'm just not going to say anything. "I didn't know you felt that way. I didn't mean to push you away or shut you out or make you feel like I don't want you." I almost felt bad for yelling at her before. I breathed out a long sigh. Fuck it, I'm just going to drop it. It's not worth arguing over.

"It's okay. I forgive you." She moved closer and leaned into me, resting her head on my shoulder. I kissed the top of her head and wrapped an arm around her. A short moment passed before a thought went through my mind. "Will you eat something?" I asked a little timidly, unsure of how she would react. To my surprise I felt her nod her head against me. "Yeah?" She nodded again. "Okay, hang on I'll be right back." I went to the stove where the rest of the food was and I put it in another bowl for her. I came back and sat down next to her.

"Thank you." I was just relieved that she was eating again. We continued to watch TV as we sat and ate in silence. But this wasn't like the silence we've been sitting in for the past month. This wasn't uncomfortable or awkward. It was actually nice. I glanced to my left to look at her and even in the dark I could tell that she didn't look depressed or sad. She wasn't happy but she looked…content. And that eased the pain in my chest and head a little bit.

After she finished eating she resumed her previous position and laid her head on me again but this time she wound her arms around my waist. A smile slowly appeared on my face. I haven't been this close to her in a while. It felt amazing to hold her in my arms again. I looked down at her and found that she was already staring at me. She leaned up and kissed my lips slowly. My heart nearly stopped beating.

She moved her hand from my waist and lightly grazed my cheek with it, pulling me in closer. It wasn't a fast or heated kiss but I could feel the passion and the slightest bit of urgency in it. Keeping it slow was better though and I could have passed out at the feeling of finally kissing her again. When we pulled apart she smiled at me; a real smile. It wasn't weak or forced. It was genuine and almost shy and I think I looked the same. I felt like I had just kissed her for the first time. And it was incredible.

"Will you sleep in my room again?" She bit her lip and looked down. I swear there was nothing in the world cuter than this girl. "Because…your girlfriend misses you too." I smiled even wider and nodded before pulling her in for a quick kiss.

"Nothing would make me happier." Her head found its place on my shoulder once again and I lightly ran my fingers through her hair. She brought her arm back around my waist. Her hand moved to my skin that was exposed due to my slightly baggy sweatpants hanging loosely on my hips. She idly traced random lines and shapes, unintentionally giving me goosebumps on my side and butterflies in my stomach. We stayed like that for a while, wrapped up in each other just watching the television. I think I was in heaven.

"Hey, Lex?" she asked peacefully and my heart swelled upon hearing her nickname for me after such a long time. I didn't know how good it would feel to just hear that coming out of her mouth.

"Yeah?" She stopped touching my hip and reached for my hand and intertwined our fingers together.

"I love you." I felt like I was in a dream of sorts. Like after everything that's happened recently I couldn't believe we were here right now. "I just felt like telling you," she said and placed a kiss below my collarbone, practically setting my skin on fire. I welcomed the burn and hugged my arm around her a little tighter. This wasn't a dream. She was really here with me, in my arms. Right where she belonged.

"I love you too, babe."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Anything, Anything by Dramarama**


	12. Rapid Hope Loss

**A/N 1: Jesus this took forever. Sorry for the delay. I'm slowly losing the will to write but I found some time and finally wrote this out. Thanks for the reviews, it means a lot knowing you guys actually enjoy what I'm writing.** I'm glad you guys liked the last chapter. I felt like they needed _some_ sort of a break. Try not to hate me too much for this...****

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>12. Rapid Hope Loss<p>

_Sometimes you've got to fold before you're found out  
>Well thanks for waiting this long to show yourself<em>  
>'<em>Cause now that I can see you<br>I don't think you're worth a second glance_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

"I can't do this anymore." Zach was standing next to me at my locker despite my previous attempts to not speak to anyone…ever. So far he's been looking bored but all of a sudden he seemed interested in what I was saying.

"Can't do what?" he asked and I rolled my eyes at him, regretting even bringing it up.

"You know what I'm talking about. I can't keep this up anymore. It's just getting worse. I can't eat. I can't sleep. I can't go around acting like everything is right and normal. I have to tell her." I was surprised I wasn't shaking because inside I was a nervous wreck.

"So tell her. What's the worst that could happen?"

"That is the stupidest fucking question I have ever heard in my entire life." I am way too frustrated and upset to be having conversations with people right now.

"Well what do you want me to say, Mitch? Just do it if you feel so bad." Of course he would want me to do that.

"But I can't! She thinks everything is fine. She's so happy. I can't tell her. It would _destroy_ her." My heart was aching just thinking about it. It hurt even worse thinking about the look that's going to be on her face if I tell her.

"Then I don't know why you're asking me. Because you know I don't care. I really don't." I narrowed my eyes at him and held in the urge to kick him in his crotch.

"I thought we talked about this."

"No, _you_ talked about it. _You_ made the decision. There was no 'we' it was just you."

"Well I'm sorry but I'm pretty sure it was _my_ decision to make," I snapped back, tired of his attitude about the whole thing.

"This is such bullshit Mitchie and you know it. I'm tired of you whining and complaining about this shit and Alex and everything."

"I don't even know why I'm asking _you_ of all people for advice. I don't even know why I'm talking to you at all," I told him bitterly and slammed my locker. He grabbed my arm and held me in place before I could leave though.

"Stop acting like I'm the bad guy, alright? This isn't my fault." I glared at him hard, trying my hardest to hold back the tears in my eyes. I yanked my arm away from him and walked away without another word. My heart was racing and my throat was drying as I approached my next class; a class that I shared with Alex.

When I walked in she was already sitting in her seat. I wasn't surprised she was there before I was because my unfortunate trip to my locker took longer than expected. She lifted her head up and her eyes landed on mine as she scanned the room and smiled brightly. I felt myself die a little on the inside as I smiled back. I internally groaned in misery when I remembered that her seat was on the other side of the room while mine was next to Zach's. I didn't want to see him after what just happened.

I quietly sat at my desk not wanting to look at Alex anymore. I tried my hardest to keep my expression normal. The last thing I needed was for Alex to start worrying and questioning me again. The bell rang and Zach walked in taking his seat in front of me.

"You know, we're going to have to talk about this, and I mean _really_ talk about it," he whispered and I wanted nothing more than to just get up and leave.

"There is nothing to _really_ talk about, Zach. Just let it go already."

"Why should I? _You_ obviously haven't."

"I haven't for an entirely different reason."

"How is this fair to me?"

"I don't care!" I said a little too loudly because we were shushed by the teacher almost instantly. I apologized and soon the attention of the classroom was back on the lesson. I brought my voice down to a whisper again. "If this is unfair to anyone, it's Alex. Let it go."

"Well how long are you going to keep lying to her then? You know she's going to find out. If not from you then someone else." I clenched my jaw as well as my fists that were under my desk.

"I know why you want me to tell. So stop being an asshole."

"You're the asshole here."

"Fuck you, Zach."

"Guys seriously stop talking I don't feel like writing detention slips today," our teacher said to us and I was so glad he was the laziest man on the planet.

"Just leave me alone," I tried one last time and he finally stopped talking to me. I wish I didn't have to sit next to him. I wish I didn't even have to _look_ at him. This was so annoying. But as much as I wanted to blame Zach I knew this was my fault. I held myself together and forced myself to look to the back of the room where my girlfriend was sitting. She was actually paying attention to the lesson and…taking notes? Well, at least she wasn't looking at me. If she was there was no way I would have been able to stay in here much longer without breaking.

I just stared at her. She didn't have a care at all. I felt awful for what I was doing. I am just fooling her into believing that everything is better. I didn't mean to make it so obvious. I didn't even realize I hadn't touched her this whole time but then she had to blame herself and I couldn't take it anymore. And when I kissed her…God, it just felt so wrong. I can't keep lying.

The class didn't drag on like I had thought it would and thankfully I was out of there before I completely lost it. I avoided Zach but Alex was a different story. Avoiding her would cause more problems…like before. _She thinks everything is fine now_. Words cannot describe how much I hated myself. She had on that smile again and I wanted to cry looking at it. I didn't deserve it. She shouldn't waste such a perfect smile on me.

"Hey, beautiful." She shouldn't waste compliments on me either. My stomach churned as she leaned in to kiss me but I had to kiss her back. I wanted to but it was just…_so wrong._ And I knew deep down it would never feel right again. Not as long as I kept this charade up.

"Hey," I said in the best voice I could muster. She couldn't even tell. She was completely oblivious and that killed me inside.

"What was up with you and Zach back there?" She reached for my hand and laced our fingers together as we walked to her locker. My palm burned against her skin and not in a good way.

"Nothing, he was getting on my nerves," I told her honestly. At least I can be honest about _something_.

"Why?"

"He's just being an ass." Again, it was the truth…for once. "I don't even want to talk to him anymore."

"That bad, huh?" I nodded and she let go of my hand to open her locker and switch her books out. "Just try to ignore him." I don't know when she adopted this whole 'don't pry' policy but I don't know if I was grateful for it or not. Because now she's just going to accept anything I tell her.

"I'll try." Once she got everything she needed she shut her locker door and refaced me.

"Don't worry about him. I'm sure whatever his problem is, he'll get over it." Oh he was never going to get over it. I _wish_ he would. "See you at lunch?" she asked hopefully as if I would spend that period anywhere else than with her. She'd ask questions if I didn't.

"Of course." I noticed that more and more students were leaving the halls and filling into their respective classrooms. Almost no one was around and any second now we would be completely alone. _Tell her. Get it over with. Just tell her now._ I tried to convince myself but I couldn't do it. I thought I was going to throw up. "I gotta go. I don't want to be late to physics again," I told her lamely and kissed her cheek. It still felt wrong but at least it wasn't as bad as kissing her lips. She didn't seem fazed by any of it and still kept that smile.

"Okay. I love you." Hearing that was always the hardest. If I really loved her then I wouldn't be hurting her like this. And she didn't even know it.

"I love you too." One sentence shouldn't hurt so damn much but my chest felt like it weighed a ton. I turned on my heel and headed to my next class. I didn't plan on paying attention at all to any of my classes today. I just needed to figure this whole mess out. Because I couldn't keep living like this.

Physics came and went as did health much to my displeasure because now I might have to face Zach again. I reluctantly made my way towards the cafeteria where I knew Alex would be waiting for me. I should have just told her I had to do something like go to the library or the guidance counselor or _something_. But was I just going to do that every day? I couldn't.

She was sitting next to Frank, Eric, and Zach. Eric hasn't been his usual, annoying self and I was beyond relieved. He was a little down about the whole thing but I'm sure he would bounce back. He backed off after learning about my relationship with Alex and I was glad we could be normal friends again; friends who did not make out with each other when intoxicated. A shiver ran through my spine as I looked at Zach and I wanted to haul ass out of the building. But I didn't. Instead I went over there like nothing was wrong when in reality _everything was wrong_.

"Hey Mitch," Eric greeted me ever so cheerfully. He was still always a little too excited to be around me but he kept his hands to himself. The flirting stopped too and I could tell Alex was happy about that. She knew how he felt but she also knew that he wasn't going to do anything. She's actually warmed up to him and vice versa. It wasn't surprising after he finally learned why she was always so hostile with him. I think they finally made peace though. He even apologized if ever did something…I guess _inappropriate_, while we were together. "Why aren't you eating?" Damn it.

"Oh, I forgot. I saw you guys and just came right here," I lied smoothly and stood up to go to the lunch line. This was another thing I had to be careful of. Even though my stomach was in constant knots I had to remind myself to force food down my throat. Eating disorder or not, I just couldn't stomach anything anymore. But I had to act like everything was fine.

"I'm sorry about what I said this morning." I jumped a little and almost hit my head on the refrigerator door when I heard Zach's voice behind me.

"Jesus. Don't do that," I said once I finally caught my breath. "What are you doing here?"

"Getting a drink." I could tell that was just his excuse to everyone else so he could come and talk to me in private. I wish someone else would have come with him.

"Oh."

"I am sorry though."

"I don't want to talk about it." I grabbed a random bottle, not really caring what it was and proceeded to search for something somewhat appetizing. Nothing really stood out.

"C'mon, please?"

"No Zach. I'm done with this. You said you were fine with it. You can't just change your mind all of a sudden and then get mad at me."

"I know what I said but I can't help it, okay? I don't want to lose you as a friend but-"

"If you really don't then you'll just back off," I said almost desperately. Figuring everything out was hard enough without Zach coming at me every ten seconds with this crap.

"Mitch-"

"I mean it." My voice was stern and I swear to God if he continued I was going to flat out scream. I pushed passed him and reached for one of the many French fries set out for the students. I paid for my food and went back to the table where everyone was, Zach trailing not too far behind me.

"Everything okay?" Alex asked quiet enough for only me to hear. I knew she was going to ask since Zach followed me to the lunch line. At least that was the only thing she was asking about.

"Yeah…everything's fine." If I had started eating these French fries already I would have thrown them up right now. Saying that out loud was absolute torture.

"Hey Mitchie, is our English final today?" Frank asked randomly from across the table, breaking me out of my negative thoughts.

"No it's next week. Why? It's not like you were gonna study for it anyway," I answered and Alex and Eric laughed. Zach was being quiet but at least I didn't have to deal with him.

"No I just wanted to make sure I sat behind you." We were lucky enough to have a teacher who really didn't care about what we did or where we sat. She thought assigned seating was extremely _junior high-ish_ so we could move around wherever we wanted or change our seats every class.

"Stop cheating off of my papers. She might not pay attention to us but one of these days she's going to catch you and then _I'm _going to get in trouble too." I never really cared. I knew Frank never studied and always sat behind me on test days so he could copy literally _everything_ I wrote down.

"Hey, she hasn't noticed all semester and there's only one test left. School's over in like a week, I think we're safe." Thank _God_ school was ending soon. Then I won't have to deal with Zach or anyone else in this place.

"Just study!"

"No, you're smarter than I am," he admitted and everyone at the table, Zach included, agreed with him.

"Seriously Mitch, you know how many times Zach and I have copied off of you last semester. And last year when we had bio together I only passed because I took all of your answers." I scoffed and slapped his arm. "Ow what was that for?"

"You made me do all the lab reports _and _stole my answers!" He rubbed the spot on his arm where I had hit him and he just shrugged.

"You're smarter than I am."

"How did I not even notice you guys cheating off of me this whole time?"

"You don't really pay attention when you take tests, Mitch," Alex said while casually slipping an arm around my waist. "I mean you would never notice when I copied off of your tests in history…and any other class we have ever had together."

"Alex!" I can't believe literally _everyone_ was doing this. She just stared at me with this innocent smile, trying to get me to soften up.

"…You're smarter than I am," she said, using the same excuse as everyone else at the table. I rolled my eyes.

"Am I the only one who actually does their own work?" I was answered with a chorus of _yes_ and I sighed in defeat. At least they've never been caught or I would have been kicked out by now. "Fine _whatever_."

"Aw don't be mad. If anything you should be flattered." I thought about that for a second and she had a point.

"I guess." She let go of me and pinched my cheek obnoxiously.

"My little nerd," she said playfully and I shook my head to get her to stop but I soon found myself laughing with her.

"God you're such a weirdo."

"But I'm _your_ weirdo." I smiled at her and captured her lips in a quick kiss. Sometimes I just couldn't help myself. But my throat was on fire and it only burned more when I pulled back to see her happy, angelic face again.

"Gross!" Frank shouted jokingly but soon started smiling at us like hormonal teenager he is and I flipped him off. "What! I'm kidding! Do it again…" He and Eric were laughing but Zach was just looking at us and I refrained from throwing my food at him.

"No, get lost," Alex answered for me.

"Bitch. You're no fun."

"Cry me a river, Franklin." They went back and forth making fun of each other but I eventually tuned them out. All I could think about was this overwhelming feeling of guilt growing in the pit of my stomach. Before I knew it the bell rang and we all went our separate ways except for me and Frank because we had English together next.

I was starting to hate myself more and more as the day progressed. I had to tell her. This had gone way too far. I should have told her from the start. I was just making things worse for the both of us by lying to her this whole time. I just don't know how to bring it up. How do I look her in the eye and just break her heart?

We had our last class together after this and I knew I would have to deal with the guilt _again_. I felt it every time I saw her. I felt it every time I just _thought_ about her. It didn't help that I lived with her. And now we were sleeping in the same bed again. When she went back to the guest room I didn't stop her because I thought it would be easier if I wasn't so close to her but damn it I _needed_ to be close to her again but…I just can't.

Much to my dismay, English passed almost as quickly as every other class I had already. I was at my locker once again switching out my books when I heard the last person I wanted to run into again.

"Mitchie."

"Ugh, enough Zach."

"No, Mitch. Just listen to me."

"Why?"

"Because I'm your best friend and you ignoring me isn't going to fix anything."

"It doesn't matter. It can't be fixed. I ruined everything, okay? Are you happy?" I couldn't tell if I was getting mad or slowly breaking down. It could have been both.

"No I'm not. Look, I know you told me to back off but I can't! You can't just sit there and tell me that this means nothing to you," he pleaded with me but I shook my head. I couldn't deal with this, not now. Not ever.

"It doesn't. It didn't, and you know that."

"It did." Oh for the love of God…

"It was a mistake, Zach. It should have never happened. I should have never gone to you."

"But you did. Isn't that saying something?" Why wouldn't he just leave it alone? I was feeling guilty without him bringing his two cents into it.

"No it isn't. I always come to you! We've been best friends since we were four! Why wouldn't I come to you when I'm upset?"

"Exactly! I'm your best friend. I have been for thirteen years and I love you. I told you that Alex was going to hurt you and look what happened!"

"She didn't do anything wrong. Now I'm the asshole who is hurting her and it's all because you couldn't just back off! I'm with Alex why can't you just respect that?" I yelled at him and at once his expression changed to anger.

"Stop playing victim here Mitchie. You didn't stop me so you can cut the bullshit. You wanted it just as much as I did or you would have said something!"

"Zach it was a mistake! And I told you that it meant nothing to me so stop."

"No. I'm not going to stand here and get punished just because I can't help who I fall for!"

"I know you love me but I'm telling you now that it's never going to happen again," I tried to tell him but he wasn't even paying attention to me anymore. I was about to yell at him for not listening to me when I followed his line of sight to see what he was looking at. I turned around and I was consumed with dread upon seeing Alex standing right behind me. I couldn't even breathe. Something had risen to the top of my throat and I couldn't seem to swallow it back down. She was looking at me with these hurt, confused eyes and I knew that it was game over. "Alex…" I managed to choke out but she just blinked a couple times before walking off in the other direction. I immediately chased after her, leaving Zach behind. "Alex, wait!" I called out after finally finding my voice. She actually listened and stopped in her tracks.

"What?" Her voice was cold and her face was hard. We were standing alone in an empty hallway and she was a few feet in front of me.

"How much of that did you hear?" I asked, more scared than I had ever been in my life. I had to keep my hands from trembling.

"Enough." I shut my eyes and forced the tears to stay unshed. I walked closer to her and thankfully she didn't move. I tried to hold her hand but she pulled it away. "Just…tell me the truth, Mitchie. Did I hear that right or did I misinterpret everything?" she asked, her voice shaky and weak. I couldn't even prepare myself for what was going to happen.

"You heard it right." My own voice was worse than hers; barely above a whisper. The knot in my stomach started to double in size as I saw the first tear form in her eye. She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out.

"When did this happen?" I looked down, too ashamed of myself to even look at her.

"It was the weekend you went upstate." I knew the yelling was about to start.

"A _month_ ago? You've been lying to my face for _a month_?" There it was. "Why?" she asked despondently and I honestly couldn't even give her an answer for that.

"I'm sorry Alex," I uttered the most pathetic apology to ever be given.

"How could you do this to me? Damn it Mitchie, after everything we've been through, after everything I've done for you; how could you do this to me? Do I seriously mean nothing to you? Was this all a fucking game?" I couldn't handle the look on her face and I knew it was only the beginning. My stomach was twisting and clenching and I thought I was going to faint.

"No! Of course not! I do love you Alex, it was-"

"Oh don't give me that crap. If you really loved me then you wouldn't have went behind my back…and with Zach! Are you fucking serious, Mitch? _Zach_? I _told_ you he had feelings for you and you told me I was just being paranoid and that there was nothing going on between you two!"

"There _isn't_! I don't love him Alex I love _you_!"

"Stop saying that!"

"But it's the truth! It was a mistake! It wasn't supposed to happen! If I could take it back I would but I can't undo it! And I can never forgive myself for hurting you. You mean everything to me Alex, I'm sorry!" My tears were coming down harder than hers and I was shocked that my speech wasn't broken by my cries. She stared at me for a good while and slowly her face went from miserable to just…emotionless, dead even. It scared me. Her eyes seemed to darken a little and the knot in my stomach took over my entire body.

"Did you sleep with him?" There was no way I could continue doing this to her anymore. I have already put her through too much pain and I was about to single-handedly reach into her chest, pull her heart out, throw it on the ground, and stomp the life out of it. She didn't want a story or an excuse or an apology. She just wanted an answer. She wanted me to admit, straight out, that I cheated on her. My throat was closing up entirely and my insides were burning with hatred for myself.

"Yes," I whispered so low, I could almost hear her heart shattering piece by piece inside of her. She looked away but stayed rooted to the ground in her spot. I waited for what seemed like an eternity for any form of a response when in reality it was only a few seconds. I didn't think I could cause anyone this much pain but this was worse than I could have ever imagined. The look on her face was too much. I have never seen someone so _broken_ in my entire life. And it was all because of me. She finally picked her head back up to look me straight in the eyes and spat out the two words that would send my world crumbling to the ground.

"We're through." And she turned around and continued her journey towards the nearest exit. I watched her retreating form in a sort of trance. The girl I absolutely loved was walking away from me. I could feel my tears sliding down my face harder than ever before. I wiped them away to the best of my ability and took off in the same direction.

"Alex!" I shouted after her but she was far ahead of me and, by the looks of it, she had no plans of stopping. She didn't even look back before she pushed the doors open and left the school. Soon enough I reached the same exit but a hand on my shoulder stopped me from going any further.

"Ms. Torres, where do you think you're going?" The voice of the principal echoed in my ear but I could barely register what he was saying. "You're gonna land yourself in hot water at the rate you're going. If you leave school grounds before three you will be written up for truancy. So I suggest you saddle up and head back to class." I couldn't even find the energy to argue with him. He didn't catch Alex leaving so she was probably on her way home right now…or _anywhere_.

I needed to get out of here. This was so messed up and I needed to make it right. But how the fuck do I fix this? This was literally unfixable. I trudged my way to history and sat through it with absolutely no patience. I ignore the teacher as well as Frank's constant questions of _what's wrong_ and _where's Alex?_ It passed in a blur and I ran out of the school as fast as I could without stopping for anything or anyone along the way to my house. Unfortunately, a certain cheerleader had other plans.

"Hey, Mitchie." I seriously didn't have time for this.

"Fuck off Brooke. She knows. So you can stop this bullshit already," I said and continued out of the school without waiting for her to say anything else.

I ran and ran until my lungs couldn't take anymore. My chest was burning and throbbing every time I took in a breath but I didn't care. I needed to get to my house. She has ignored every single one of my messages and phone calls since she walked away from me. I don't blame her. I would hate me too. I was a horrible person. I was downright vile. I was a fucking monster for what I did to her.

My ankle ached in protest as I bolted up the stairs to the fourth floor and I frantically dug through my things to find my keys. Once I found them I wasted no time in opening the door only to be met with the complete silence of an empty house. I went into my room and it too was empty. No one was in here. I slowly walked towards the guest room and felt my heart beating incessantly against my chest. My shaking hand turned the knob and opened it. Empty. _Completely empty_.

All of her stuff was gone. Her clothes, shoes, laptop, everything she had with her here. Gone. I leaned against the door frame and slid down the length of it until I hit the floor and completely collapsed. My head fell into my hands and I let out a symphony of sobs. One after another they choked out into the dead silence of the empty room, filling it and suffocating me. She was gone. And it was all my fault.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Yeah I make a chapter end on cute note and then destroy them in the next one. I'm terrible, I know lol. But I've been waiting to write this chapter and break them up since the beginning of summer. So it had to be done. If you have any questions or are confused about anything you can ask away but everything will probably be answered/cleared up in the next chapter.**

**Be sure to review and let me know how much you hate me for this... :)**

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Rapid Hope Loss by Dashboard Confessional  
><strong>


	13. Between The Sheets

**A/N 1: Wow, thank you for the feedback guys. I love seeing reactions from everyone, new and old readers. I got a good handful of what the fuck's. I'm glad you guys weren't expecting this. But as I said, I had been planning that since like...when I went on vacation. So when I was writing the car accident scene, before they even got together, I've been planning to break them up. Sorry again for that...and for the extreme angst you're about to read. I've already passed the point of no return with this story anyway. I think being a psych major has _drastically_ affected the way I write. Oh well, what can you do? Enjoy this next chapter my lovely readers!  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>13. Between The Sheets<p>

_Don't care even if these sheets did burn  
>I'm scared, full of fear, but aware and so, you need to know<br>I don't wanna be your lover, I just wanna be myself  
>You can hide between the covers<br>And taste the bitterness you've given to me_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I've never cried so hard in my entire life. I have never cried for this long in my entire life. Throughout my seventeen years of existence I have never felt so fucking awful. And I wasn't even crying for _me_. I wasn't sitting here wallowing in self-pity. I created this mess. I ruined my relationship with Alex. I ruined my friendship with Zach. I destroyed the only person I have ever truly loved.

How could I have ever done this to her? To Alex. That girl has been through more shit than I could ever imagine. She doesn't deserve any of it. She doesn't deserve what I did to her. I would always see her and wonder how on Earth _anyone _could ever hurt her. And I ended up hurting her the most. I can't believe I hurt Alex. _My _Alex. Well, she wasn't mine anymore.

I never moved from the floor of the guest bedroom. Hours had passed and I still sat against the door, relentlessly sobbing into my hands. When I felt like I could breathe properly enough to speak I tried calling her. A thousand times. Not once did she ever pick up. And I don't blame her. But I _needed_ to talk to her. I needed to hear her voice.

I tried calling again and again and again and I tried texting her over and over but still no answer. I was hopeless and so desperate but I couldn't move. I couldn't even bring myself to stand up. She eventually sent all my calls straight to voicemail. Still, I tried to call her even though I knew it was a lost cause. This went on for a while until I finally felt my phone vibrate in my hand.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_Stop calling me._

I should have known that would be the only response I would get from her. I sighed as my tears continued to freely make their way down my face and I pathetically tried once again to get her to talk to me.

_Text Message To: Alex_

_Please Alex I love you and I'm so sorry. I never meant for any of this to happen._

I really don't know why I thought she was going to listen to me. I wouldn't listen to me. I wouldn't even give me the time of day after what I did. A sharp pain shot through my chest and I cried harder.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_Why don't you go bother Zach instead? Don't you always go to him when we fight?_

I deserved that even though it wasn't true. I just want to _see_ her and have this conversation in person so I can just…I don't know…explain myself.

_Text Message To: Alex_

_I don't care about Zach. I don't love him. I don't even want him in my life anymore. But I need you. Just tell me where you are or come over so we can talk about this._

Her next response came so quickly I didn't even need to open it to know what it said.

_Text Message From: Alex_

_No_

_Text Message To: Alex_

_Please. I'm sorry. Just let me explain_

_Text Message From: Alex_

_Text me one more time and I swear to God I'm blocking you._

I didn't send her anything else after that. I'm surprised she hasn't blocked me already. But I knew she was serious about it. My best friend can't stand me and wants nothing to do with me. I clutched my phone in my hand and my tears resumed like I knew they would.

Even if she let me explain myself and by some miracle took me back I don't deserve her. I don't deserve her as a girlfriend. I don't even deserve her as a friend. She is the sweetest person I have ever met and I fucked her over. She deserves better than me. I'm the worst. I'm _nothing_.

I thought about talking to her again, or at least trying to, but decided against it. For now, anyway. I used the back of my hand to wipe my eyes dry but to no avail. There was no use anymore. The tears were never going to stop, not until I fixed this. I _have_ to fix this. I need her. I've never needed anyone so badly in my life.

After God knows how many more hours I finally picked myself off of the floor and dragged my sorry ass into my own bedroom. I fell onto my bed and had no intentions of moving the rest of the night. At some point my parents texted me saying that they were working late tonight and won't be home until much later. I nearly threw my phone at the wall. I don't know why I got my hopes up though. I should have known it wasn't her.

It was probably somewhere around eight or nine when I heard something coming from outside my window. I didn't have enough time to get up and see what it was. My window opened and I seriously thought I might have been dreaming because Alex climbed through it and into my room. I stood from my bed and just stared at her, not believing that she actually came here.

She definitely looked more put together than I did, meaning she wasn't a hysterical crying wreck like I was. But she looked just as broken and upset and miserable as she did the last time I saw her. I wanted to start sobbing all over again knowing that I caused this. I caused the pain and sadness in her eyes.

"Alex." Saying her name brought on a whole new wave of emotions and I wanted to run up to her and kiss her but I knew I couldn't. She didn't say anything and neither did I. I wanted to talk to her this entire time and now here she was standing in front of me and here I was completely speechless. She stepped closer to me but before I could get another word out she slapped me across the face, _hard_. It stung worse than anything I had ever felt but I didn't let it show. "I deserved that."

"Oh you deserve a _lot_ worse than a slap." Her voice was filled with absolute hate and it killed me hearing her use that tone with _me_.

"I know I do."

"Just…" She took in a shaky breath and looked around the room. I could tell how hard it was for her to even be here in my room let alone talking to me. "Tell me why," she demanded in the strongest voice she could manage at the moment, which didn't sound strong at all.

"Alex…"

"No. You wanted to explain yourself. Go ahead. Explain yourself. I do at least deserve _that_ much, don't I?" she said bitterly and I nodded my head, preparing to relive one of the worst nights of my life.

"Um…well…like I told you before, it was the weekend you went upstate. We were fighting the whole month," I started off shakily and she crossed her arms against her chest.

"Yeah, I remember. Right before I left I broke up with Nate for you and he beat the shit out of me." The guilt was literally eating me alive.

"I know…I was just so upset. We were mad and yelling at each other for weeks and then you just left. I was a mess. I didn't even want to talk to anyone. Zach called me later that night saying people were coming over but I told him I didn't want to go anywhere. He asked me what was wrong and eventually convinced me to go. I thought maybe getting out of the house would be good but…I should have stayed home."

_Flashback (One Month Ago: Zach's House)_

_When Zach called me I didn't think he meant this many people were going to be here. I guess it was a last minute thing. I don't even know what I'm doing here. I just really need to take my mind off of what happened with Alex. I walked further into the house until I found Zach with Jimmy in the kitchen._

"_Mitch you made it!" he screamed even though I wasn't that far from him. He was definitely already extremely drunk. He had a cup in his hand filled with…some type of alcohol._

"_Yeah I would have come earlier but my dad couldn't drive me so I had to bus it here." He came up to me and grabbed my hand to drag me to the counter where a bottle was sitting. I didn't recognize the label; it was probably something random he stole from his parents' liquor cabinet._

"_Come on do shots with us." I eyed him and Jimmy and then the shot glasses lined up in front of them. They looked pretty wasted but they were going to keep going. I then eyed the bottle and wondered if I should or not. I know that drinking isn't really going to make things better but it might help me take my mind off of everything. What could a few drinks hurt?_

"_Alright, fine. Pour 'em." They high fived each other and Zach proceeded to fill the glasses to the top with the golden colored liquid. I took mine and swallowed it as fast as I could; ignoring the burn it sent down my throat. Without a second thought Zach poured another round…and then another…and then another until after a while I completely lost count._

"_I think…I'm good," Jimmy slurred and I coughed a couple times. My head was pounding and it felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. How long have we even been standing here?_

"_Yeah I um, me too," I managed to say and Zach laughed at me. I don't even remember the last time I have been drunk at all let alone _this_ drunk. Jimmy went to the fridge and grabbed a couple of beer cans and handed them to us. "I thought you were done?"_

"_Fuck liquor. But this shit's nothing." I don't know why I agreed with him but I opened it and started drinking. My own logic was that I just wanted something cold to soothe the burn in my throat and chest. But this really did taste like nothing to me._

"_The champ's back," Zach said, slapping me on my back and I stumbled forward a bit almost choking on the beer._

"_Where's Alex tonight?" Jimmy asked and I just wanted to start crying. It might have been the emotional state I was in before I came here or the excessive amount of alcohol in my system…or both, but I felt like the tears were going to start. I tried my best to pretend like nothing was wrong._

"_She's…she's not here. She went on um, some trip with her family," I told him and then tried to think of something to get him to leave me and Zach alone for a second so I can talk to him. "Um…where's Vanessa?"He looked around for a second._

"_Oh shit, I dunno." He laughed to himself and took off, probably to go find her. Once he was gone Zach turned to me looking concerned._

"_What happened with you guys?" I didn't really want to have this conversation here. It was too loud and there were way too many people around._

"_Can we go somewhere else?" I asked and he nodded before getting up and motioning for me to follow him up the stairs. He reached into his pocket and retrieved a key and opened the door to his bedroom, shutting it behind him as we entered._

"_So what's up?" I took a seat on his bed and he sat next to me. I took a deep breath but couldn't seem to collect my thoughts. The alcohol was slowing down my entire thought process and I felt myself getting upset again. Since we were alone I figured it was safe now to start crying so I just let go._

"_I don't know what happened. We're fighting and she was yelling but she was making me so mad and…Nate. He…"_

"_Wait…slow down. What?" I shook my head but I'm not sure what for._

"_She got mad at me but I was mad at her and…" I trailed off. I don't even know how to explain this._

"_Why was she mad?"_

"_I…was mad."_

"_Why were you mad?"_

"_Because. She was gonna dump Nate but she didn't do it."_

"_She's still with him?" he asked a little angrily. I didn't even bother holding in my tears._

"_No. She did it but he…he hit her and she was bleeding and she was mad at me," I choked out and Zach pulled me into a one-armed hug. Jesus the alcohol was really doing a number on me._

"_Fuck her. Why'd she get mad? She's fuckin' Nate AND you?" If I wasn't so drained…and drunk…I would have pulled away from him. I might have been upset but I didn't want to hear him bad-mouthing her._

"_No she's not. I love her."_

"_Mitch, she hurt you. If she loved you she woulda dumped him months ago." I just kept shaking my head._

"_She does. I know she does. And I…I know she hurt me but…" I don't know where I was going with that sentence but I looked up and finally noticed just how close we were. I looked away but Zach brought his hand under my chin and made me turn back._

"_Look, Mitch. Come on, just…just look. I'll kick her ass if she hurts you. I would never hurt you. Why would she? The fuck is her problem? You're…you're perfect and she's just…an ass…" I didn't want to listen to him talking about her like that anymore. I tried to move away but he pulled me back._

"_Stop Zach," I whined and he put his hand on the side of my face. "We're…just friends," I said, gesturing between the two of us. _

"_No we're not." He leaned into me more and I could smell all the alcohol on his breath. "I love you."_

"_I love Alex." The room was spinning. I think Zach said something else but I couldn't hear it. I closed my eyes to try and refocus my vision but I felt a pair of lips press against my own and I shook my head again. I had no idea what was going on. "Zach, please," I begged quietly just wanting him to stop this. I just wanted to go home but I couldn't see or think straight. I was so dizzy I thought I was going to pass out and I wasn't even standing._

"_Forget Alex," he tried to coerce me but I barely registered it as he kissed me again but this time with more force. His tongue almost immediately entered my mouth and I tried to say something but it was muffled and inaudible. I wasn't even kissing him back; I was just…there. My head hurt so badly and I didn't think I would stay awake much longer. He pushed me back until I was lying down on the bed and he was on top of me. The pressure of his body was making my stomach churn. I tried again to form some sort of a protest._

"_Zach." It was all I could manage to say. I tried to bring my hands to his shoulders to push him off or…something but I was so tired and worn out and just…wasted. I closed my eyes again to try and clear my head but it didn't work. My eyes just stayed closed. I felt his hand move under my shirt, trying to lift it up but I couldn't really move. His fingers trailed to the waist of my jeans and I internally started freaking out. My heart was racing; I thought there was something medically wrong with me._

_I needed to get out of here. I couldn't tell what was going on though. I just felt more pressure. I opened my eyes and he was only in his boxers. I looked down and I too only had my underwear on. When the fuck did this happen? Why was he continuing? Was I even responding to him? I tried to open my mouth to say something but no words came out. I didn't even know how to speak actual words. I tried mumbling but nothing coherent came out besides Alex's name. His hands moved down until he reached my hips and-_

_End Flashback_

"Alright stop I don't want to hear this!" she shouted, her face a combination of disgust and anger and just plain sadness.

"Alex I'm sorry but I didn't even know what the hell was happening. I was so drunk I was like passing out and waking up every ten seconds. I didn't want it!"

"Did you tell him that? Did you stop him?"

"I tried but I kept slipping in and out of consciousness. I think he just took everything I did as encouragement."

"So, what, he forced himself on you?"

"No. We were wasted he probably wasn't even paying attention."

"Do you even remember anything? How can you be sure you didn't want it? I mean, you let it happen."

"I know I did but I blacked out. I could barely speak!" My throat was closing up again and I realized that she had tears in her eyes too. "I woke up the next morning in so much pain without any clothes on. When I saw Zach next to me naked I almost had a heart attack. I was so disgusted with myself that I actually threw up. All I could think about was you." My chest clenched like a tight fist and I felt like I was being suffocated. "I'm so sorry Alex. I didn't mean to hurt you."

**Alex's POV**

"I know you're sorry but that doesn't change the fact that you cheated on me." She was trembling slightly and I actually wanted to comfort her. I was furious but I always hated it when she would cry. I don't even know why I came here. I just felt like maybe we really did need to talk about this. I needed closure.

"I know! It's horrible and inexcusable and I don't blame you for being mad." I can't just let this go though. I had to stay strong and not give in to her. As sorry as she was I had to stand my ground. I couldn't let her hurt me again.

"Mad? Mitchie I'm not just mad. You don't fucking get it! I got my ass kicked for you! I broke up with Nate for you even though I was _terrified_. God, do you have any idea what I've been through!" I screamed through my tears and grabbed the nearest item and chucked it at the wall with all the strength in my body. The remote landed against the mirror instead and it cracked, pieces of it shattering and falling to the floor.

"Alex…I'm sorry…" She was shaking again. She looked scared and I almost felt bad for my outburst. I hated how much power she had over me. I should feel nothing but hatred. I shouldn't want to go over to her and hug her and…

"I don't care! You know, I would _never_ pressure you or even try to convince you to have sex because I _know_ how you feel about it. You told me you weren't ready. And like a jackass I believed you!"

"I wasn't! I'm still not! It was painful and rough and just…wrong. I barely remember it."

"But you still did it. And it was with _Zach_. Mitchie, you lost your virginity to _Zach_!" Saying his name made me want to vomit.

"I know! It wasn't supposed to happen! I never wanted it to happen! I never had sex with you because I was scared not because I didn't want to. I was a virgin and you're the only person I would ever trust to do that with, not him. It was a mistake! It was supposed to be you!" She covered her face with her hand and cried into it. Again, my heart ached. From the pain of the only person I care about cheating on me and from seeing the only person I care about crying and so upset. I'm the one who should be upset. I shouldn't feel guilty for yelling at her and being mad. _She_ should feel guilty for what she did to me.

"Mitchie I can't do this. I'm not going to let you hurt me like this." She walked up closer to me and tried to reach out to hold my hand. I flinched and pulled away from her. "Don't touch me," I whispered, afraid if I spoke at a normal volume my voice would break.

"I know I can't ask you to forgive me but I'm begging you," she pleaded and dropped to her knees, a look of pure anguish on her face as more tears flowed down her cheeks. She reached for my hand again and this time, for some reason, I let her take it. "I need you, Alex. And I will spend the rest of my life trying to make it up to you and apologizing for hurting you." A war raged inside of me. One side wanted me to take her back because hell, I needed her too. The other side _screamed_ at me to just walk away, that I don't need her. "Please, don't do this."

"Mitchie, get up." My voice was only slightly calm and my eyes wouldn't _dare_ look into hers. I wouldn't be able to handle looking into them. I would turn into a helpless pile of mush and tell her that it's okay and that I love her. I had to be strong. "I meant what I said. We're done."

"Alex-" She stood up and tried to speak but I cut her off.

"No Mitchie, I mean it. Do you have _any idea_ how I feel? You were the _only_ person in my life I could count on, the only person I could trust. And you ruined that. You broke my heart."

"I know."

"Stop saying that! Stop saying that you know. You don't know…you _can't_ know how I feel!" I was getting louder with each word that came out of my mouth but I was also getting angrier. I have suffered through too much to let this go. I need to stand up for myself for _once_ in my life. I've let people treat me like shit for way too long. And I wasn't going to stand here and let her do the same to me.

"Please, Alex…" she trailed off in just a whisper and the sound alone made me shiver. I swallowed the lump I just noticed forming in my throat as she came closer to me. Our faces were merely inches apart and I could feel her breath on my skin. I still wouldn't look at her though. Both of her hands carefully cupped the sides of my face and before I knew it our noses were practically touching. "You mean everything to me. I can't lose you."

Her voice was still low and my heart beat immediately picked up. I was too close to her. I wasn't looking at her but I just knew that her eyes were _right there_ looking at me. She still had tears coming down her face as I shook my head weakly, my final attempt at a protest before I stupidly looked into her eyes. It was like there was some sort of force pulling us even closer and I regretted coming here. I knew I wouldn't be able to handle this. She drew in one short breath before closing her eyes and pressing her lips delicately onto mine. I was done.

I let my entire resolve come crashing down like the weak, spineless jellyfish that I am. I cursed myself a hundred times over as I held onto her and kissed her back as if my life depended on it. I tried to convince myself to stop but she still had this power over me and I _hated_ it. _She hurt you_, I kept reminding myself. _She cheated on you_. The voice in my head grew louder and I held onto Mitchie just a little tighter. _After everything you've been through she went and fucked some guy behind your back_. It was shouting at me loud and clear and I slowly became angry. Whether it was at Mitchie or myself for giving in I wasn't entirely sure. It could have been both. But whatever the reason was, I was _furious_.

My eyes stung as new tears formed and spilled over and I moved us back until we reached her bed. Our lips never parted, in fact they only moved against each other faster, and I pushed her until I was lying down on top of her. Her hands were still on my face but I moved mine from her arms to her waist, squeezing them roughly. I sucked her bottom lip between mine with such force I heard her let out a small whimper from underneath me. But I paid no attention to it. My mind was elsewhere.

I pulled away from her, the sound of our lips parting practically echoed in the silent, empty room. I didn't waste time and moved to her neck and bit down as I kissed it. I held her sides tighter, digging my fingers into her skin. I finally allowed myself to focus on her and the noises she was making. A moan escaped her and I pressed harder into her hips, trying to block it out. My stomach twisted and my head pounded and I felt her hands against my shoulders.

"Ah, Alex," she cried out softly but I ignored her. All I kept imagining in my head was her and Zach in bed together and the need to throw up came back. It burned my chest and I grew even angrier. The pressure against my shoulders increased but I just silenced her by bringing my lips back to hers. I crawled up a little and moved my knee in between her legs, slightly pushing them apart, as my grip on her waist became even tighter. I could just barely hear her whimpers and a faint _ow_ against my mouth. These weren't cries of pleasure, but cries of pain. "Alex stop, you're hurting me."

My hands caressed her sides roughly, tugging at her jeans. She pushed against me even harder and when I pulled away from her again I heard her protests ringing in my ears. She kept asking what I was doing and to get off of her. I clamped my hand over her mouth firmly and sucked her pulse point hard. My other hand was still heatedly grabbing at her hip and pulling her jeans off completely. She said something loudly into my palm but I couldn't tell what it was. Her chest was rising and falling at a rapid pace against mine. She shook her head frantically while shouting muffled protests and I finally detached my lips from her neck.

"Was he gentle with you?" My voice was filled with venom and pain and sadness all at the same time and she looked at me with frightened and guilty eyes. "Did you think about me?" I asked a little louder and she shook under my body and cried harder. "Did you think about how badly you were hurting me?" I think I was becoming as hysterical as she was. She looked absolutely terrified and for a split second I wanted to stop. I knew what I was doing would affect her in more ways than one. That second passed when another image of her and Zach flashed in my mind. I used the hand that was still covering her mouth to push her head to the side until her cheek was pressed into the mattress. I noticed the mirror I had smashed and forced her to look into it. The jagged lines split her reflection in multiple places as she stared helplessly. "This is how you made me feel," I said into her ear, my voice trembling more than I had expected it to. "Scared…confused…" I looked down at her; she was still shaking and I could feel her intense breathing against my hand. She was in her t-shirt and underwear, her jeans discarded on the floor somewhere. "…vulnerable…hurt…" She shut her eyes and I pried both of my hands off of her. She cried audibly and I leaned in closer to her ear. "…broken."

"Alex…" she choked out and I climbed off of her and stood up. I couldn't feel bad. I had to do this.

"You know, it's funny. I was…_so_ afraid. But you promised you would never leave me." I let out a short, bitter and humorless laugh. "Who would've thought I would be the one leaving you?"

"Alex, I'm sorry." Her sobs tried to overpower her hyperventilating. I knew she would freak out and whether she remembered to take her meds today or not was beyond me but I was done caring anymore. I couldn't care anymore. Or else she would have that power over me forever. And I can't live with the pain.

"I loved you. But you're the worst thing that's ever happened to me." I was lying through my teeth but if this is what it took to finally let her go then so be it. "I want you out of my life. Lose my number. Forget my name. Don't talk to me. Don't even look at me. Because I'm done with you." I turned around and walked back towards her still open window. I probably could use the front door but this was the closest exit and I _had_ to get out of here before I went back on everything I just did and apologized for being so cruel. I took a deep breath, ignoring the heartbreaking sound of her crying and climbed out onto her fire escape for the last time.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: I just...I can't believe I wrote this chapter...but um...review, yeah?  
><strong>

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Between The Sheets by Monty Are I  
><strong>


	14. Bodies And Words

**A/N: Almost two weeks but I finally wrote this. I was absolutely floored with the response I got for the last chapter. Thank you thank you thank you a thousand times. That was seriously the most reviews I've ever gotten for a single chapter. My phone like exploded from the amount of emails I received. It made me so happy, no joke, you guys are the greatest. Even if I made this story so undeniably...sad. But that's why I posted If It Means A Lot To You at this time; to kind of balance it out, you know?**

**Anyway. **Here's the next chapter. Read and review.**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>14. Bodies And Words<p>

_Maybe you just have to sleep  
>In someone else's bed<br>Maybe you just have to keep  
>Searching for something better than perfect<br>Which you know will never exist_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

"So you…raped…her?" Frank was looking at me with his eyebrows scrunched together and the most confused look I have ever seen.

"What? NO!" Just hearing that sounded horrible and I shook my head frantically. "I would never."

"I know, it's just…wow. So you guys are really done." It was more of a statement than a question and it struck something inside of me. I hated that we were done but I had to end it. "And you just told her to get out of your life? Are you sure you can even handle that?"

"What's that supposed to mean? I can live without her," I said defensively even though I know after only one day I miss her terribly.

"Yeah right! I bet you won't even last a week without going back to her. Face it Alex, you love her too much to let her go."

"I already did let her go. I don't care about her. I don't need her." My already shattered heart ached in my chest at my own words. I closed my locker door and walked with Frank to his before we had to go our separate ways for homeroom.

"Well it's gonna be hard to not see her. I mean, you have classes with her. She sits right next to you in history."

"Ugh I know, don't remind me," I whined with a long groan. "Keeping her out of my life is going to be a lot harder than I thought."

"Hey, at least school's almost over. Then you won't have to see her anymore." He had a point. And maybe not seeing her will make this entire mess easier for me. I just know being around her will make me weak.

"I guess."

"And maybe she won't even want to talk to you after last night anyway. I mean it sounds like you might have traumatized her," he pointed out and my own guilt started to creep up on me again. This was ridiculous. Why am I feeling guilty? I'm the one who got my heart broken. She was already traumatized; I just…reminded her of it.

"She'll be fine. Besides if she's really that upset she can go cry to Zach for all I care." My guilt faded back into anger at the thought of him. I can't believe after helping me get with Mitchie he just stabs me in the back.

"I don't know Alex; from what you told me I think she hates him just as much as you do." We stopped walking once we reached his locker and he started looking inside of it.

"So now I'm the bad guy? I'm the one who's wrong here?"

"No."

"What, should I take her back just because she doesn't like Zach?" I asked, feeling myself getting more and more upset.

"No, she cheated on you. If I were you I would just kick their asses." I sighed and leaned back against the wall. I knew Frank would be on my side in this situation. Regardless of being my friend, he knows how I feel. His last girlfriend cheated on him and he hasn't been in a relationship since. He thinks they're a waste of time. "But I don't think you should kick her ass. Even though I know you won't."

"Why not? What's the difference between your girlfriend cheating on you and Mitchie cheating on me?"

"The difference is that Amanda is a dumb fucking slut and Mitchie is…Mitchie." Amanda. That's what her name is; that's that annoying girl who's always with Brooke. I don't know why I can never remember her name. "And she actually felt bad and apologized to you for letting it happen. Amanda didn't give a shit and just went and sucked some guy's dick."

"I thought I was supposed to be staying strong and holding my ground; now you're saying I should forgive her?" I was so fucking confused.

"Honestly, I'm really the last person who should be giving you advice because I have the shittiest luck with girlfriends."

"I know but like…this isn't like breaking up with Nate. I didn't even care about him. But, Mitchie..." I trailed off, feeling an overwhelming urge to start crying.

"Mitchie...you don't care about either, right?" Frank finished for me, reminding me of my words from earlier. I looked down, not wanting to meet his gaze. "Alex."

"What?" My voice was near breaking and I didn't want this to happen here at school. My depression and misery were supposed to be strictly reserved for the confines of my own bedroom where no one can see me.

"Look, I know you love her, but-"

"I don't." He sighed before closing his locker and facing me again.

"Alright, if telling yourself that is what's going to help you get over her then fine but you're not fooling anyone."

"I can't. How can I love someone who would do that to me? I don't love her." I don't know who I was trying to convince at this point.

"She hurt you but it was an accident. But if you're really set on moving on then just think about it every time you feel yourself going back there. Just picture them together and you probably won't even want to go anywhere near her." I almost cringed and I gritted my teeth as the images reentered my head. I have been trying all night to stop thinking about it but there it was again.

"That is the _last_ thing I want to picture…ever. I get sick just thinking about it."

"Good. The angrier you get the less likely it is you'll hold on to your feelings for her."

"You'd make a terrible therapist; suggesting to people that they envision their worst nightmares."

"Whatever I don't pay attention in psych anyway. I already told you I'm bad at advice."

"Well it worked; I'm definitely angry," I told him, letting my bitterness ring through my words. We started walking down the hallway before the late bell could ring.

"Just think about everything you hate about her." I actually tried to but that lasted all of maybe three seconds before I realized I couldn't come up with anything. We rounded the corner and I thought about the fact that she lost her virginity to Zach and I wanted nothing more than to go on a violent rampage throughout the school. "Um, maybe we should go another way," Frank said to me in a lower voice and I looked up at him.

"Why?" I followed where he was looking across the hall and what was left of my heart dropped into my stomach. I didn't need to think of anything to make me angry anymore.

**Mitchie's POV**

I could barely keep my eyes open as I dug through all the crap in my locker. I couldn't find anything in this mess and I wondered when it even got this unorganized again. I can't focus on anything. All I can think about is Alex and what happened last night.

I didn't sleep for more than an hour or two because I couldn't relax long enough to. I was so upset and shaken up I spent the entire night crying in my bed. I almost didn't even come to school today. I finally found what I was looking for when I heard someone come up to lean against the locker next to mine. I closed the door and my face fell upon seeing who had joined me.

"Go away, Zach."

"So you're just never going to talk to me again?"

"Pretty much." I turned to walk away from him but he held my arm, keeping me in place. "What do you want?"

"I want you to talk to me."

"I don't want to talk to you."

"Look I'm sorry okay but I can't just ignore it anymore."

"Can you stop saying that you're sorry? I know you're not. I know that you're so _thrilled_ that Alex broke up with me. So just stop it."

"She broke up with you?" He is a lot dumber than I thought he was.

"Of course she did. Why wouldn't she?"

"Well, she's stupid for letting you go."

"No she's not." I pulled away from him and once again tried to leave but he just grabbed my arm and pulled me right back.

"Mitchie…"

"No. I'm the one that's stupid. Breaking up with me is the smartest thing she's ever done in her life. I'm the asshole here. I ruined the greatest thing that has ever happened to me and I ruined my best friend." A tear trailed down my cheek and Zach used his free hand to wipe it away. I shook my head, not wanting him to touch me.

"What about me? I thought I was your best friend too."

"Not anymore you're not."

"I don't believe that." He moved his hand back to my face and I was seriously half a second away from slapping him.

"Wow Mitch, it didn't even take you one day. You really do work fast." Zach and I immediately turned our heads around to see Alex and Frank standing a few feet away from us. I smacked Zach's hand away from my face and cursed myself for not doing it just a moment sooner.

"I swear it's not even like that. I-"

"You what? You love me?"

"Alex-"

"Whatever. I probably just did you a favor. So do whatever you want. Sleep with whoever you want. I don't care," she said, her voice cold and spiteful. She wouldn't look at me after that and she walked right past me, knocking my shoulder in the process. Frank followed after her and I just stood there staring off as they left.

"Huh…what a bitch," Zach said and I snapped out of my daze to glare at him. "What?"

"Just leave me alone! Why do you have to ruin everything?" I asked loudly and he opened his mouth to talk but I stopped him. "And don't even give me this shit about being in love with me."

"But I am."

"I don't care! God, if you really loved me then you would just want me to be happy! Alex makes me happy; you're just my best friend…or at least you _were_."

"What about Alex? Wasn't she your best friend before you went out with her? What happened then? It's the same thing! You're so hung up on her you can't even try to give us a chance," he tried to argue with me but it was just upsetting me even more. "Maybe she's not really the one for you. How would you even know when she's practically the only one you've been with?" I cannot believe I am even dealing with this.

"I don't need to _try _anything! I don't need to date around or sleep with anyone else, let alone you. She's it for me. And it's not the same thing at all!" I shouted and the bell rang but we stayed where we were. "First of all, I don't know if you couldn't figure this out, but I am _gay_. And yes, she was my best friend before anything but I can never feel for you what I felt for her, what I _still_ feel for her. Just because she dumped me doesn't mean that I'm suddenly up for…us. Especially not after you practically forced yourself on me." He narrowed his eyes at me but I didn't falter.

"I did not force myself on you. We were _both_ drunk and sure it might have been a mistake for you but I don't regret it, Mitch." The halls were empty and everyone was in homeroom like we should be right now. I don't even want to go to homeroom. I can't face Alex again.

"Well I do! Not only did I hurt the girl I love but I was a fucking virgin. How could you do that to me?" I asked desperately as more tears filled my eyes but I was too mad to let them fall this time.

"Well how the fuck should I have known that? You don't talk to me about your sex life."

"That's not the point! Did you even think about how this would affect me? And I could have gotten pregnant."

"Hey I might have been drunk but I used a condom."

"Oh thanks Zach you're a real fucking sweetheart," I spat and his expression turned from pissed to nervous.

"Wait…you're…you're not pregnant, are you?" he asked in a hushed voice and I rolled my eyes at him.

"No, I got my period a couple weeks ago," I informed him bitterly and he seemed to visibly relax, breathing a sigh of relief. "Yeah so don't worry; I won't be causing you any _problems_. And at least I won't have the constant reminder of what an asshole you are."

"I said I was sorry for what happened! But Mitch, I'm not sorry for the way I feel."

"I don't care if you love me, if you hate me, whatever…but why did you have to get in between me and my _girlfriend_? Weren't we getting enough shit from other people? Why couldn't you just let us be!"

"I can't help it! I had to at least try. I couldn't have you in my life as just my friend anymore." He seemed sincere but I was so over giving a shit about how he feels. I readjusted my bag's strap on my shoulder as he looked at me expectantly.

"Well I hope you're happy. Because now you don't have me in your life at all." Without waiting for his reaction I turned and left him standing there. The tears finally fell from my eyes as I made my way to homeroom where I knew Alex would be. I took a deep breath and composed myself before I went inside, wiping my eyes and cheeks quickly. I had a brief conversation with my teacher explaining why I was late but he didn't seem to care. I looked to my seat and the one next to it; both were empty. I looked around the room and saw that Alex had moved to the other side, as far away from me as possible. I sighed and sat down at my desk.

"Why so sad, Mitch?" I held down the vomit that tried to rise in my throat upon hearing that voice.

"What is it now, Brooke?" I asked, bored and seconds away from being completely annoyed.

"Someone's in a mood this morning."

"Why are you still bothering me? You have nothing over me anymore. I already told you that she knows. So you can leave me the fuck alone now," I said just wishing that the cheerleader would go away for once. Of all the people to walk in on me and Zach it just _had_ to be Brooke, the one girl who loved to ruin people's lives. I wouldn't have even remembered that she did if Zach didn't tell me about it. When I told him Brooke kept calling me a whore and didn't know why he said it was probably because she knows I cheated on Alex.

"But we're having so much fun!" If I wasn't so sure that I would get suspended I would punch her square in the mouth. But I am already on thin ice with the school after my little brawl with the brunette. "And I saw you and Zach getting a little cozy this morning. I'm shocked Mitchie, I guess you are an even bigger slut than I thought you were." I set my jaw tight and refrained from balling my hands into fists under my desk.

"Can't you go be a useless bitch somewhere else?" I asked angrily and she gave me a dirty look before moving to another side of the room. I let my head fall into my hands and I rubbed my eyes in frustration. I just know that I haven't seen the last of her today. I pissed her off and surely I will never hear the end of it. I may or may not have just dug my own grave.

My next class passed by normally though I refused to speak to anyone or pay attention in class. I just wanted the day to be over with and with no other complications. I didn't think it would be this hard to come here and go through all my classes. And seeing Alex was a thousand times worse than I had expected.

Maybe Brooke didn't really do anything. I mean, I know she's evil but come on, how long can she stay interested in making my life a living hell? I became paranoid after homeroom. I am so on edge I can't even think straight. I thought I was being kind of ridiculous until I was in my third class. A couple of guys that sat in front of me that I recognized as Brooke's retarded jock friends kept glancing over at me. I ignored them until they got on my last nerve toward the end of the period and I couldn't stay quiet anymore.

"What?" I asked a little loudly but the teacher hardly noticed. No one was really paying attention anyway considering school was practically over.

"Nothing, nothing," one of them said with a smile and an amused look on his face. "But um…you're gay, right?" Something tells me I don't even _want_ to know where this conversation is going.

"Yes…last time I checked." I raised my eyebrow and they kept looking at each other then back at me. The other one tried to hold back a laugh and leaned closer.

"Oh okay…we uh, we were just wondering if you charge extra for guys," he told me and the one in front of me broke out in laughter. I stifled my anger and tried ignoring them again. "And iss two your limit?" I can't be here anymore. I am going to start screaming at people.

"Leave me alone," I said in the calmest voice I can manage.

"It's okay you can surprise us. But can I ask you something else?"

"_No._"

"Do we have to buy you dinner first?" I wasn't sure if I was going to yell or just flat out cry. They continued laughing with each other as I went back to ignoring them for all of ten seconds before the bell rang, signaling the end of class. Thank _God_. I grabbed my notebook and immediately stood up to leave. "Come on, we've heard nothing but great things about you. Are you free this weekend?" Without a second thought I left the room holding in the urge to break down.

I made it to my locker in, shockingly, one piece but I seriously contemplated skipping lunch and quite possibly the rest of school altogether. I was so agitated I struggled with my lock and before I could get the thing open I felt someone's hand on my shoulder. I instantly tensed and nearly jumped out of my own skin. I swatted the hand away before turning around only to find Eric standing beside me.

"Jesus, don't do that," I breathed out slightly relieved it was only him.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you. Are you okay?"

"I'm just perfect, I mean, why wouldn't I be?" I answered bitterly and sarcastically. He noticed and gave me a concerned look as I continued to try and open my locker.

"I um…I heard about what happened…with you and Alex. I'm sorry," he offered and I turned to look at him a little weirdly.

"Really?"

"Yeah, I know you loved-"

"_Love_," I corrected him, feeling that familiar pain in my chest again.

"I know you love her. And you seem really upset. I just wanted to know if you were okay. I mean, I know you're not but…yeah," he said awkwardly, probably afraid of upsetting me even more. I sighed and failed once more at opening my locker.

"Thanks. And well…I've been better. Alex wants nothing to do with me and Brooke still insists on making me miserable."

"I figured Brooke had something to do with it."

"What do you mean?"

"Well…there _might_ be a rumor going around about you." Ugh, _great_.

"What rumor?"

"I heard it from a few people and it was different each time. I guess the story just keeps getting twisted around and changed."

"…What did you hear?" I asked, not wanting him to stall any longer.

"Um…well I heard you cheated on Alex." That wasn't a rumor. That was the truth. And I absolutely hated that it was. "I also heard it was with Zach. And he wasn't the only one."

"Are you kidding me?" This just keeps getting worse and worse.

"No, a couple of Brooke's friends were talking about how you slept with Alex while she was with Nate and stole her from him. And then you fucked Zach and some guy at the same time and hooked up with someone else in the bathroom while you were with her." Fuck. My. Fucking. Life.

"_WHAT_!" I shouted as my eyes widened. "This is a fucking nightmare." I banged my head against my locker door. I was losing my mind. I wanted to murder somebody. I knew I pissed off Brooke this morning but I didn't think she would make up so much crap in only a few periods.

"Mitch, calm down." He put his hand on my forehead to prevent me from hurting myself. My heartbeat was picking up. I was so tense and angry I could rip the door off of my locker…which would help considering it won't open.

"AND WHY CAN'T I OPEN THIS STUPID FUCKING THING?" The lock wasn't even on it anymore; I already got it off but the door won't budge.

"Relax, look, it's just jammed," he said, pointing to where the lock previously was. "Hang on." He tugged it and even slammed it with his fist a couple times and after a couple tries it finally opened. I wish I had just left it closed. "Oh, wow." After pulling one notebook out, a pile of condoms started falling out of my locker. Some were opened and some were still in the wrapper but they continued to fall around mine and Eric's feet. The inside of the door had SLUT written on it in red marker. "I guess someone stole the free condoms from the health department office, huh?" he said but I just stared blankly into my locker. I couldn't move or speak. "Sorry…are you okay?" I shut my eyes, forcing the tears to stay back but it didn't work. I dropped my head and shook it weakly before Eric pulled me into a hug.

"Why is this happening to me?" I cried quietly into his chest. I didn't care if anyone saw me crying. It was our lunch period and there aren't too many people still in the hallway. "This is such bullshit. I fucking stay a virgin until I'm seventeen and I sleep with _one guy_ and suddenly I become the new school whore?" I pulled away from him. He was looking at me with sympathetic eyes and I knew he didn't believe the rumors that he heard. At least _someone_ didn't.

"So you really did sleep with Zach?"

"Yes, but we were drunk and I was upset and I didn't even know what was happening. It was a mistake. But everyone thinks I'm some easy fuck."

"It's okay I bet no one believes Brooke anyway."

"It doesn't matter!" I shouted and pointed to the mess in my locker and the graffiti on the door of it. "Because now I'm a slut and that's all anyone is going to see me as, right?"

"You're not a slut, Mitchie and no one else thinks so. Whoever did this is just immature and stupid."

"I just want Alex back. I don't even care about Zach or Brooke or anyone. I just want her back."

"I know you do. You just have to keep trying. Show her that you want her and _only_ her."

"I tried to tell her that but she won't listen to me."

"Well…try harder." I took out the rest of the condoms from my locker and tossed them on the floor, not caring that I was adding to the mess, and put my things away. I closed it and refaced Eric.

"Easier said than done. I went from being in a relationship with the girl I love to her not wanting to even be in the same zip code as me."

"You messed up, but it doesn't mean you can't fix it. Just give her some time I doubt she can keep this whole 'not talking to you' thing up. Come on, let's go to the cafeteria and find Jim and Vanessa so you won't have to sit next to Zach," he suggested and put his arm around me, leading me down the hall to the lunch room. I looked up at him skeptically.

"Now that I'm single you're not gonna start hitting on me again, are you?" I asked half seriously because I seriously don't need any more attention from guys at the moment. He laughed and shook his head releasing me as we went inside and found our friends sitting at a nearby table.

"Are you still gay?" This better not be a frequent question around here now.

"Yes."

"Then no. Mitch, I like you but I'm not gonna try to get with someone who is obviously gay." He continued to make himself laugh. "Zach is so retarded."

"Let's just not talk about him," I said and we took a seat at the table. Apparently they had heard the rumors too but ignored them all, not believing a word of it. I looked around the cafeteria and spotted Alex not too far from here sitting with Frank. I wanted so badly to go over there but she told me to stay away from her. This was going to be a lot harder than I thought it would.

**Alex's POV**

"Mitch is looking at you," Frank said with his mouth full of pizza.

"Oh, what, is Zach not entertaining enough to keep her attention?"

"She's not with him. Zach's over there. She's with Eric and Jimmy and Vanessa." As much as I didn't want to, I turned around to where Frank nodded towards. She wasn't looking at me anymore but was now engaged in a conversation with the others although it seemed like her mind was somewhere else. "You heard what people are sayin' about her?" I whipped my head back around and scrunched my eyebrows together.

"What?"

"Oh…never mind…I forgot, you don't care about her," he teased and continued eating his food.

"Frank!"

"Alright, calm down. Brooke's telling people she cheated on you a bunch of times. Like with that guy in the bathroom I told you about. And with Zach and some other dude at his house, like, together. It's so stupid." I couldn't ignore the incredible aching in my chest. I might hate Mitchie for what she did to me but this was ridiculous. I wish people would just stay out of this. As if she wasn't insecure enough; now she has people thinking she goes around having threesomes at parties and going down on random guys in between classes.

"Oh. No, I didn't hear that." It was the only response I could come up with.

"It doesn't matter. School's almost done. After the summer no one is even going to care anymore, especially Brooke. I'm sure she's gonna get over this shit with annoying Mitchie every day."

"I hope so," I said, accidentally letting it slip out. But it was true; I wanted Brooke and everyone else to leave her alone. This was between me and her.

"If anyone should be getting shit it's Zach. Why is it always the girl who gets trashed for sleeping with someone? Zach was the one being a douche." He had a point but talking about him made me so undeniably angry.

"Whatever," I said uncaringly and Frank rolled his eyes at me.

"Yeah sure, whatever. You give Mitchie hell but not him? I know you're mad."

"I don't care Frank," I said sternly wishing he would just stop talking about it.

"You always do this. Someone hurts you and you do nothing about it."

"I mean it."

"Stop letting people walk all over you. _He fucked your girlfriend_."

"Shut up Frank," I said getting louder but he kept pushing.

"Come on. The only person you ever stand up against is me. Brooke is a bitch to you. You let Nate push you around and beat the crap out of you. Zach acted like he was your friend and then sleeps with Mitchie before you even did." I was fuming at every word he said and I clenched my fists under the table.

"Stop it."

"But if I called you a stupid weak fucking little faggot ass pussy bitch you-" he stopped for a sharp intake of breath as I forcefully rammed my foot into his crotch. "You kick me in the nuts!" he said through gritted teeth and groaned in pain. "Oh my God I think I'm gonna throw up! You asshole!" he screamed but I ignored him and stood up from my seat. I scanned the room until my eyes landed on Zach. He was sitting with some of his friends from the lacrosse team and I walked right over to him before I could change my mind. I was on autopilot and blinded by absolute rage. I didn't even give him enough time to realize I was there before I took his tray and whacked it upwards, effectively hitting him in the face with his food as well as the tray. He pushed his chair back and shook some of the food out of his hair.

"What the fuck Alex!" He shouted as his friends laughed at his expense. All eyes were on us but I didn't care at all.

"That was for sleeping with my girlfriend behind my back, you dick." He opened his mouth to say something but I pulled my fist back and punched him straight in the nose. I tried not to think about the throbbing pain in my knuckles and fingers and kept my face from showing how hurt I was. His hand immediately went to his nose which had some blood coming out of it and I leaned in closer so only he could hear me. "_That_ was for taking advantage of Mitchie when she was drunk." I didn't say anything else. I just turned and walked away from him and literally _everyone_ in the cafeteria was watching…Mitchie included. Our eyes locked for a second but I couldn't keep looking at her. If I did then I would surely fall apart.

"Alex get back here," I heard someone call after me but I didn't pay attention. My mind was racing and my knuckles were starting to bruise. "Miss Russo!" I froze at the formal use of my name and reluctantly went back to where Mr. Laritate was standing, looking pissed.

"Yes?" I asked casually but he crossed his arms over his large chest.

"My office. _Now_."

"Why?" He didn't bother with an answer and just pointed to the mess I created. There was food and soda spilled on the table and floor. Zach was still sitting there also covered in food, now holding a bloody napkin to his nose.

"You are in big trouble, Alex. Let's go," he demanded and I once again looked at what I had done. Despite the shit I was gonna get for this and the sharp pain shooting through my hand I smirked and followed him away from Zach.

"So worth it."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Bodies And Words by Silverstein**

**A/N 3: Also, sorry for the final scene in Chapter 13. I said there was gonna be angst but I guess it was a bit...much? I had something very specific planned out in my head, I can't really explain it. But I didn't want to give too much away by putting up a warning or something. But um...yeah. **


	15. I Could Have Lied

**A/N 1: Good news, I'm sick! So even though I'm dying and miserable it means you guys get a fast update. I stayed home from school and work and wrote this entire thing. Hopefully the next one won't take long either. I'm glad a lot of you are starting to feel bad for Mitchie. GOOD that's what I wanted lol you guys were so mean after Chapter 13 I wanted you to feel _somewhat_ sympathetic. And I knew everyone would like Alex hitting Zach so you're welcome for that.**

**ENJOY.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>15. I Could Have Lied<p>

_I could have lied, I'm such a fool_  
><em>My eyes could never, never, never keep their cool<em>  
><em>Showed her and I told her how<em>  
><em>She struck me but I'm fucked up now<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

_I dragged my feet along behind Mr. Laritate as he led me out of the cafeteria. I can't believe I actually punched Zach but God it felt so fucking good. I didn't even feel uncomfortable with everyone staring at me. Some people were shocked others cheered but they all soon went back to what they were doing. We walked slowly and silently until we made it into the hallway where he stopped to turn around and lecture me._

"_Alex didn't I tell you last time that there will be no fighting in this school?"_

"_I didn't even do anything last time," I defended but he still looked mad._

"_That's not the point. Now, what was this about? I was in there the whole time and it was completely unprovoked." Oh, it was provoked alright. He didn't need to know all the details of this…love triangle._

"_He deserved it. He got what was coming to him."_

"_I'm afraid that's not a good enough excuse." _

"_Whatever I don't even care."_

"_Watch it Miss Russo. After you and Mitchie's altercation with Brooke I don't think you should push your luck." I scoffed at the mention of that she-devil's name._

"_She's lucky you pulled me out of the cafeteria or else she would've been next," I muttered quietly but he still heard me._

"_When will this ordeal with you and Miss Stevens end?"_

"_It's not my fault! She won't leave Mitchie alone!" I shouted and he immediately shushed me, reminding me that we were in the middle of the hallway. We continued walking at a leisurely pace towards his office._

"_I know she's your friend but violence is not going to solve anything." This was so stupid. I punch someone once and I get in trouble but she goes around terrorizing people and gets nothing? Maybe I should tell him the extent of her bullying._

"_I don't know what else to do at this point. Mr. Laritate, she's been harassing Mitchie for weeks." He slowed down a bit and turn to me curiously._

"_Harassing how?"_

"_She's spreading these nasty rumors around and now guys keep bothering her and even touching her." I grew sick just thinking about it and he breathed out a sigh._

"_I would like to take your word for it but your history of lying when you get in trouble is making me hesitant." He cannot be serious._

"_I swear I'm not lying! I've never gotten into trouble for fighting before. You have to believe me."_

"_Look Alex, I'll tell you what; I'll look into it but until I have proof I cannot…what the heck is all of this?" he asked suddenly, looking around on the floor. There were condoms scattered all over the ground._

"_Those would be condoms, Mr. Laritate." I would have thought it was hilarious but I saw where most of it was and it was right under Mitchie's locker. I didn't want to feel bad but damn it, I knew Brooke was behind this and I knew it would have upset Mitchie._

"_I know what they are Miss Russo I'm asking why they are all over the place."_

"_It was Brooke."_

"_Just because you don't like her doesn't mean you can blame everything on her."_

"_No I'm serious. Look," I said, pointing to one of the lockers. "That's Mitchie's; Brooke or one of her dumb friends probably broke into it."_

"_You can't prove that though." I went up to it, having memorized her combination, and started opening it. "Alex, breaking into another student's locker is against the rules."_

"_Someone already broke into it. The door's messed up." I pulled it a bit more and pried it open. The inside of it looked normal. I pushed aside a few books and found about a handful of condoms still there. "See? She just keeps messing with her." I threw them in the small pile along with the rest of them._

"_I understand Alex but…good heavens!"_

"_What?" I asked confused by his sudden outburst. He pointed to something next to me and I turned around to see the word SLUT in big letters written across the inside of the door. My heart actually broke all over again. "Do you really think Mitchie would write that on her own locker?" He just stared at it, completely shocked._

"_I…I will look into this. You have my word. And I will be sure to keep a close eye on Miss Torres. But you are still in trouble for punching another student," he offered and I figured this was all I was going to get at the moment. But it was enough for now. I just wanted this to stop._

"_Fine."_

Turns out I sprained my hand after hitting Zach in the face. I also ended up getting detention until the end of the school which was only a little over a week. On top of that I was suspended for one day because apparently I hit Zach 'for no reason'. What a load of crap. I begged Mr. Laritate to let me have an in-school suspension, which is just sitting in a room doing nothing by yourself literally the entire day. So basically it was like jail. But anything would have been better than being stuck in my house.

It could have been a lot worse. But at least Mr. Laritate was sympathetic after I told him about Brooke and Mitchie. And things actually worked out…for _once_. A security camera in the hallway was all the proof he needed, showing Brooke and some other guy go into Mitchie's locker, fill it with the stolen condoms, and then vandalize the door.

Her punishment was a lot worse than mine, especially since her record is worse than mine. She and whoever the guy was got suspended, but not before I had a word with her. I had to keep reminding myself to _not_ beat the shit out of her too because the last thing I needed was to get into _more_ trouble. But I had to do something. I kept hearing more rumors about Mitchie and it was making my blood boil.

School eventually ended and since that day I punched Zach I haven't spoken to Mitchie at all. She has tried to talk to me but I cannot be around her anymore. It hurts too much and I don't want to cave and take her back because I know if I am around her too much I will. Now that it was summer, I didn't have to see her anymore.

After about a few weeks of school being out Frank told me that one of the girls at his job quit and that if I wanted he could get his boss to hire me. I didn't really need to think about it much. Although the idea of working isn't exactly appealing to me I really needed something to take my mind off of everything. And it would mean less time in my house even though I spend almost all of my time with Frank anyway.

He doesn't know about my mom and I don't plan on telling him. He's a good friend though so he never minds when I come over. He's just happy he has someone to burn with twenty-four seven. I admit that it probably isn't the best idea ever, getting high all the time, but I have never been so miserable and just sad in my entire life. I wanted to ease the pain and Frank was more than compliant on smoking whenever I wanted to.

I took the job and it's not too terrible although being a cashier is fairly easy. It's just annoying. But at least I work with Frank all the time considering I work as much as I possibly can. After a couple weeks I got the hang of everything and I sort of slipped into a routine. I'd go to work with Frank, sometimes we would smoke before, sometimes during our breaks together, we'd go back to his house or out with other people, and then do it all again the next day. Anything to keep myself out of my house and my mind off of Mitchie.

**Mitchie's POV**

It's been a month since I've seen or spoken to Alex and I can honestly say it has been one of if not the worst month of my life. By the time school ended the rumors going around about me have died down and no one seemed to bother me anymore. And thank God too because I was so fucking done with that school I swear to God I was _this _close to transferring or dropping out.

I had to explain to my parents why Alex suddenly moved back home without saying anything about it. I couldn't tell them that I cheated on her and she broke up with me and now can't even be around me anymore. So I just told them that we got into a fight and…well, we weren't friends anymore. It's pretty much the truth…just not the whole truth.

They were a little upset with me because I told them it was my fault. They said that I was being selfish and should have put whatever differences we had aside for the sake of her safety. As if I didn't feel bad enough they had to remind me that Alex was now living under the same roof as her abusive mother again. It made me feel a million times worse than I already did. Not only did I hurt Alex and destroy our friendship but I ruined the only safe place she had to go to. They were right. I am selfish.

Our friends know about our situation, well, most of it anyway, and know to keep us apart so we don't run into each other. I wish they would forget so I could see her but I know she doesn't want to see me. I needed to at least _try_ though. I can't just give up on this. I'm not over her and I probably never will be. I just need her back in my life.

**Alex's POV**

"Alex, can you come help me a sec?" I looked up from behind the register to see Frank carrying a bunch of boxes. The store was pretty dead so I doubt they needed two people to ring up customers.

"Yeah, what do you need?" He set the boxes down and handed me a couple. They weren't that heavy but my hand was only just starting to feel better after spraining it. "Fuck, Frank, watch it."

"Sorry, but John wants all of these priced and put out today and there's still a bunch more so he said if you're not busy then you should take half of them."

"Alright. I'm not doing anything anyway." I grabbed the price gun from under the counter and followed him into one of the aisles, making him carry all the boxes.

"You lazy shit. Take at least one."

"The fuck outta here, I'm not carrying anything."

"You're such a baby. Man up." I stuck my foot out in front of him and he tripped and fell, dropping everything. Well, at least this is where he needed to bring them. I laughed at him and he glared at me. "You fucking shit head."

"_Man up_," I said back to him and he flipped me off before getting back up. He wiped some dust off of his jeans and handed me a box cutter from his pocket.

"I could have cut myself with this, you know."

"It's a shame you didn't."

"You want me to break your other hand?"

"You want me to not buy you food later?" I asked, knowing he would shut up. I would always pay for food when we went on lunch breaks or just out for food in general. It was a sort of deal we had since he always lights me up. I didn't want to be such a moocher so I told him if he got me weed I'd get him food.

"No you better buy me food. We're getting pizza from Gino's after work. I can't take a break today because I'm the only stock guy here."

"Alright, whatever."

"And I want wings too, bitch," he said and I rolled my eyes. How was this kid so skinny when he eats so much crap? But I knew I was gonna get it for him anyway.

"Sure thing, Precious. Do you want an entire pie to wash it down too?" I asked jokingly but he didn't seem fazed.

"No but oh my God let's save that for after we smoke." I laughed at him again and turned to start opening the first box. I cut the tape but froze when I looked up for a second.

"Shit," I whispered and grabbed Frank by the arm and dragged him to the other side of the aisle.

"What? What's going on?"

"It's Mitchie." He turned to where I was looking and had an expression on his face I couldn't exactly read.

"Oh my God. _Fuck_ she's gotten even hotter," he blurted out and I glared at him hard. "What? She has!"

"Don't stare at her you asshole!" I glanced over at her and he wasn't kidding. Her hair seemed a little lighter and her skin was slightly tanned, both a result of the intense July sun. "Crap you're right." She looks like she just came back from the beach. Her hair was dry but curled a bit with her aviators sitting on top of her head, pushing her bangs back. She had on white shorts and a loose fitting red v-neck shirt and try as I might I could not help staring.

"Do you mind? I just cleaned this side of the store I don't want to mop up your drool." I snapped out of my trance and looked back at him.

"What is she doing here?" I said in the same hushed voice and I turned my head around to see Mitchie walk by without noticing us there. I felt a strange rush of mixed emotions surge throughout my body. I felt so angry but at the same time I was filled with this almost happy and warm sensation at finally seeing her again.

"She always comes here."

"What? Since when?"

"Since forever. I always hold shit for her parents and she comes to pick it up." God fucking damn it; so much for using this job to avoid her.

"Why didn't you tell me this before?" I hissed through gritted teeth, ready to slap him.

"I thought you knew. Wait, there's actually something about Mitchie that I know and you don't? That's insane."

"What_ever_. I don't want to see her."

"Too late she's coming this way. Have fun!" He whispered before yelling the last part and leaving me as fast as he could. I swear to god I am going to cut him later. I felt my throat closing up and my whole body tensing knowing she was _right there_. Maybe she won't know it's me if I don't look at her.

"Alex?" Well, fuck…never mind then. I turned to face her and I wanted to kiss her right then and there. I shook the thought from my mind and remembered what Frank told me. _Just think about everything you hate about her_. "You work here?"

"No, I just like pricing things," I answered sarcastically and a little bitterly. She sighed and looked like she was about to try to start a serious conversation. I couldn't do this though. She needed to leave. I kept thinking of what happened and I felt myself growing angrier by the second.

"Alex…"

"I think you're lost. Pregnancy tests are at the pharmacy down aisle three," I said in a cold voice not even bothering to look up from the box I was going through. I didn't want to look at her.

"Come on, don't be like that. I said I was sorry like a billion times. What else do you want me to say?"

"Nothing."

"I don't want to fight with you."

"Then don't."

"I made _one_ mistake but you're punishing me like I did this to you on purpose."

"I could have sworn I told you to get out of my life."

"Look, I-"

"Can you just go?" She breathed out another sigh.

"Fine." She sounded sad and I knew I was going to start feeling bad but I couldn't. I just couldn't. "Bye, Alex." I didn't want to. I needed to push her further. _She had sex with Zach._

"Bye; hope you don't hurt your knees too much," I said before I could stop myself and I immediately felt horrible right after. I went way too far and I shut my eyes tight before forcing myself to look at her and the hurt look on her face that I caused. There was a long moment of silence before she said anything else.

"Fuck you." Her voice was hard and a few tears were collecting in her eyes and she turned around and walked away. I cursed myself before standing up and tossed the price gun into the box.

"Wow." I turned around to see Frank standing at the end of the aisle with an empty box in his hand.

"What?"

"What the hell did you do that for?"

"You're the one who told me to!"

"I said _think about it_. I didn't tell you to rip her to shreds. You pretty much just called her a whore. What are you Brooke?" he asked and I cursed myself again because he was completely right. I didn't think twice before quickly going off in the same direction as Mitchie. I caught her leaving the pharmacy with a bag but I knew it was her anxiety medication. I ran up to her and without thinking grabbed her wrist to prevent her from going.

"Mitchie, wait." She stopped but didn't turn to look at me. I knew she was trying not to cry and I never wanted to be the one to cause it. No matter how angry I was I couldn't hurt her like that. "I'm sorry," I admitted and she faced me, slightly confused.

"Don't be. I deserved it." My heart ached hearing her talk about herself like that and I absolutely hated myself for what I had done.

"No, you didn't. I'm sorry. It was completely uncalled for."

"It's okay, Alex." I could tell she was trying not to break in front of me but I could also tell just how badly I hurt her feelings.

"No it's not. I was way out of line and I swear I didn't mean it. I shouldn't have said any of that especially after all the shit Brooke and her friends put you through." This is why I didn't want to talk to her or be around her. I knew I would want to comfort her. "I tried to get them to stop and even told Mr. Laritate about it to get them suspended," I told her and she was back to looking confused again.

"That was because of you?" she asked, surprised that I would even try to help her after all of this. I nodded. "Then…why would you-"

"I don't know, Mitch. I don't know why I said any of that."

"You know, nothing Brooke or anyone said was true…right? I know I kept the whole Zach thing from you but I _swear_ that's all that happened," she said a little nervously, like she really was worried I believed any of the rumors I heard.

"I know," I reassured her not wanting to think I actually thought those things about her. "It's just…when I see you…I get _so _mad and all I can think about is…" I trailed off not wanting my mind to go back there, afraid I might say something to hurt her again.

"I'm sorry. I know you don't want to hear it but I really am so sorry for what happened."

"I know you are but I…I can't do this, Mitchie," I said quietly and her tears started to come back.

"Why not?"

"Because…it's too hard. You cheated on me but not only that, you lied to me for a whole month. And you didn't even tell me. I had to find out by overhearing you and Zach talking about it. Were you _ever_ going to tell me?" I was desperate for answers and that look of guilt returned on her face.

"Yes I was. I know I lied but I really was going to tell you. I couldn't keep doing that to you."

"But you didn't. If it had just been a kiss we probably could have gotten past that. If you had sex with him but were honest with me about it I still would have broken up with you but then maybe we could have at least been friends…_maybe_. But I've let too many people hurt me before and I'm not going to let you do the same." I was fighting the urge to cry or…go over there and give her a hug or something because she looks so upset right now.

"But I love you. _Please_, just give me a chance, even if it's just as friends."

"I just…_can't_. I can't be just your friend after everything we've been through."

"I need you, Alex. You're the only one I want to be with. But if I have to be only your friend then I'll take it because I can't be without you."

"Mitchie…"

"I know I hurt you but I promise that I will _never_ do anything to hurt you ever again. Please." I was so torn I just wish I stayed home today. I can't take looking at her right now it is _killing_ me. I want to give in so badly but if I do too early then I will just fall right back to where we were. It's too soon. I can't be with her again now. If I get so angry that I viciously insult her just for the hell of it then what would I do if we get back together and just happen to get into an argument over something? No, I can't do this.

"I'm sorry Mitchie but…I can't." But _damn it_ her face is making me so weak. And I know I feel the same and can't be without her either. I may or may not regret this but…"Maybe eventually," I added and watched as her eyes filled with hope. "But I just…I need space. You broke me bad and I need time to put myself back together again…without you." She closed her eyes and looked down for a moment before nodding her head. I didn't want to give her a definite answer because I don't know how or if I am ever going to put myself back together again.

"Okay," she said weakly and I couldn't help myself. I reached out and pulled her into a hug. She seemed a little stiff, probably shocked, but soon relaxed and wrapped her arms around my waist. Oh God after more than a _month_ I am finally holding her again and I never want to let go. I took a moment to just soak everything in and commit her to memory, everything about her; the way she feels, the way she smells, she was still the same. I hadn't realized that I had missed her so much. The hug lasted longer than it should have but we eventually broke apart. _This had to be done_.

"Bye, Mitchie," I said softly and turned around before I could look into her eyes again. I walked back to the aisle with all the boxes I was supposed to be unpacking and resumed my work. I mindlessly priced random soap and shampoo bottles until I heard footsteps approach and stop near me. I tried to put on a normal face in case is was my manager but when I saw the grey and black Nike dunks next to the box I knew it was Frank.

"Hey, you okay?" he asked, concerned. We might always joke around and shit on each other but he always knew when to be serious. This was one of those times. I shook my head and looked up at him. "You're gonna cry again, aren't you?" I have broken down a number of times in the middle of work. Frank was always there to help when it happened. He would find me out back or even like this, in a random aisle, and thoughts of Mitchie would run through my mind and I would just cry my eyes out. I nodded my head, unable to speak. "Alright, come on. I don't want John to yell at you again."

He held his hand out for me and I took it letting him help me stand up. He led me to the back of the store, through a door marked 'Employees Only', and outside. There was a light breeze despite the hot summer weather and it felt cool against my face. The second we stopped walking I couldn't hold back any longer and Frank knew that too. The tears I had been keeping in spilled out instantly and I choked out a sob into his torso because it was the only thing I was tall enough to reach on him.

My shoulders shook slightly and he brought a hand on my back to try and calm me down. We didn't say anything at all. We almost never did when this happens. Nothing needed to be said though. I didn't need someone telling me that everything was going to be okay or that everything will work out eventually. Now that Mitchie is gone I just needed someone to be there for me. I needed someone to make sure I don't completely fall apart.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: I Could Have Lied by Red Hot Chili Peppers**


	16. Over And Over

**A/N 1: Sorry for the delay. I'm actually still sick and I blame those of you who were happy that I was (not really) but I got busy with school and work and I'm failing English (there's irony in there somewhere) so no fast updates. I'm having a hard time writing but I'm gonna do some time skips with this story. Nothing major but I'm trying to get to a certain point in this and I don't want to bore you with a million sad or depressing chapters. Believe it or not, happiness is on its way...just not yet.**

**But yeah...review? Okay.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>16. Over And Over<p>

_So many thoughts that I can't get out of my head  
>I try to live without you<br>Every time I do I feel dead  
>I know what's best for me but I want you instead<br>I'll keep on wasting all my time_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

"I swear you've lost your fucking mind." Frank and I were sitting in the back of a truck he was supposed to be unloading. We took our break together but weren't really hungry so we decided to just chill out here. And he wanted to smoke. And I shockingly didn't want to.

"I don't know. I just don't feel like it today."

"Since _when_ do you not feel like it? Don't bitch out on me!" he shouted while holding a lighter to the blunt in his hand. He took a long hit and held it out to me but I still didn't want it.

"Come on Frank, I don't want to."

"Why not?"

"I'm just…not in the mood." He looked at me weirdly and then shook his head.

"Stop thinking about her." I looked down and picked at my nails not wanting to talk about…her.

"I'm not." I don't even know why I'm trying to lie. I know I'm not fooling anyone.

"Dude…"

"I'm not!"

"Come on you broke up with her in June and you haven't even seen her in a month." It's true. After my run in with her here last time I didn't want to risk going through that again. I needed time and during that time I needed to be away from her so I told Frank to make sure that I am never there when she comes around. But lately it's been getting so hard and I find myself _always_ wanting to see her. But I wouldn't even know what to say to her. She hasn't tried talking to me since last month and I'm starting to think she just doesn't _want_ to see me anymore.

"I know but…I don't know, am I crazy?"

"Completely."

"I'm being serious."

"Alright, alright look…you've been telling me nonstop a bunch of shit about her and you and this whole…situation. But that's just what it is…it's shit. I'm not an idiot, Alex. You still love her so stop trying to convince yourself that you don't."

"I thought I wasn't supposed to be thinking about her."

"You aren't but I thought you wanted to get over her. To me, it sounds like you want to get back together with her, and I still think you're retarded for wanting that but whatever."

"I don't but…like, I…I mean…" I couldn't even come up with actual sentences. I have been thinking about this for_ever_ and I still don't know what to do about any of it.

"Were you this confused when you were trying to figure out if you were gay?" he asked and I hit his knee with the heel of my foot but laughed nevertheless.

"Shut up."

"Okay but really…you need to talk to her."

"No. I can't do that."

"Stop being stubborn!"

"I'm not!"

"You need to relax. Just…I don't know, here…smoke," he offered again, thinking drugs will fix everything. I shook my head at him.

"No thanks."

"You're being lame, why won't you burn with me?"

"Who cares?"

"I do!" He continued to smoke by himself as I sat across from him, my back leaning against the other side of the truck. He kicked my thigh, which he could actually reach from where he was sitting since he was so tall, and tried to offer the blunt to me one more time. "Fine, suit yourself homo. I don't know how you can work when you're sober."

"Believe it or not I actually get things done when I'm not stoned off my ass."

"Hey! I work just fine when I'm high."

"What about that time you fell asleep playing with the Lego's in the toy aisle?" I questioned and he choked on the smoke he was blowing out as he laughed.

"Oh man I forgot about that. Billy thought it was hilarious but John got so mad at me. He fuckin' made me clean the bathroom…that prick." Billy was always a nicer manager than John. It might be because John is like thirty years older than Billy. But Billy lets us get away with so much shit. He thinks it's funny; he just thinks we're retarded. He might be right.

"The bathroom's not that dirty."

"Not the employee bathroom; the one for the customers."

"_Ew_."

"You don't even _know_. Someone shit in the sink! I don't even know why or how that's even possible but there was _shit_ in the fucking _sink_." We both started cracking up when a loud voice interrupted us.

"Frank!" we heard John shout from the back exit of the store and Frank immediately sat up straight to put his blunt out.

"God damn it, I didn't even finish!" He clipped it and put the roach in his pocket before heading to the edge of the truck. "What do you want old man!" I always thought it was weird but equally entertaining how Frank talks to everyone at work. He's been working here forever though so John never gave a shit when he would make fun of him.

"Where the hell have you been, I've been calling you to unload the damn truck!"

"I'm in the truck!"

"Did you unload it!" At that Frank turned to me with wide eyes finally remembering why he needed to come out here in the first place.

"Shit what should I tell him?" he whispered to me but I was way too amused with him getting in trouble to come up with a lie for him.

"I don't know but you should think of something quick because he's coming here now."

"Fuuuuuuuuuck." At least the truck's door was open so it doesn't smell like weed in here.

"Frank I told you to do this four hours ago what have you been doing?" Frank looked between me and our manager all while trying not to look like a stoned moron. It wasn't working.

"Uhhhhhhhhh…well…I was actually going to start just now but uh…hey Alex isn't doing her work either!" he yelled and I smacked him on the back of the head.

"Alex is on her break. What's your excuse?"

"So am I!"

"You never told me you were taking a break."

"…I didn't?" God he really is retarded. John sighed and turned to me.

"Alex when you come back inside I need you to help Chris in aisle seven. We have a shit ton of school supplies that need to be put out." I internally groaned thinking about school starting in less than a month. I really wasn't looking forward to going back to that place. "And Frank…you're on balloons," he told him and I couldn't hold in my laugh. Frank looked beyond pissed off.

"What!"

"Now get back to work." He walked away and Frank just flipped off his retreating form.

"Oh man…have fun with that."

"I fucking _hate_ balloons." I finally stopped laughing at him and patted his back before heading back in the store.

**Mitchie's POV**

"If I ever let you pick another movie…please, just kill me."

"It wasn't that bad!" The sun was just starting to go down as Eric was driving us away from the theatre.

"It was so stupid!"

"Mitchie, come on you just didn't get it."

"_You _didn't even get it!" He put his hands up in defeat and I quickly pushed his arm so he would grab the wheel again. He mumbled an apology and continued driving. We've been hanging out a lot lately. As weird as I thought it would be to spend this much time with him it's surprisingly fine. I guess I just wasn't used to being around Eric without him…flirting with me or something. Like when we go out to the movies. It looks like we're on a date but he doesn't act like we are or make it awkward or anything.

"Fine, fine, next time you pick." We continued driving towards my house when I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I opened the new text message to see that it was from my dad.

"Ughhhh."

"What's wrong?"

"I need to go see Frank at work. I forgot to pick something up yesterday for my dad. Can you drop me off there instead?"

"Sure, but…is Alex working today?" he asked and that thought surprisingly didn't even cross my mind. I have been trying so hard to make sure I don't run into her again. Don't get me wrong because I want to see her…so badly. It's just that it didn't exactly go so well last time and she pretty much told me she doesn't want to see me. I didn't want to bother her and I wanted to give her the space that she needed so I made it a point to go in when she didn't work or I avoided her if she was there. I don't know how long this is going to go on but I really hope it ends soon.

"I actually don't know, maybe."

"Do you think this is a good idea?" I have vented to Eric my frustrations about this mess on more occasions than one and he knows how miserable I am without her. "I mean…I know it's been a while but do you think she's still gonna be…I don't know, pissed or whatever."

"I have no clue but I'm just going to talk to Frank and hopefully I won't have to see her."

"But…you want to see her." I couldn't tell if he was asking me or telling me but I knew that I wanted to see her. I just don't want things to be awkward…which they probably will be.

"I have to go whether I like it or not. The store's closed by the time my dad stops working so I have no choice." He nodded and turned into the parking lot. I suddenly started to grow extremely nervous. She might be here and I just realized that this was the first time I didn't tell Frank I was coming ahead of time.

"Want me to wait for you?" he asked, the engine still running as I stalled before getting out.

"Um…no it's fine; I can just walk home from here. It's not that far."

"Alright," he said and leaned over to hug me with one arm. "Bye, Mitch and…good luck. I'll talk to you later."

"Thanks," I mumbled and finally willed myself to get out of the car. I heard Eric driving away and I had to resist the urge to just turn around and leave. I drew in a deep breath and headed inside. The first thing I noticed: no sign of Alex. Hmm…maybe I lucked out and she wasn't even working today. I shook the thought of her from my head and remembered why I came here. Find Frank, pick up whatever my dad wanted, and leave. Get in and get out.

I made my way to the register and I silently thanked God that it was just that blonde girl that's always here instead of Alex. I thanked God again when I saw that Frank was already standing there next to her. He was standing by the large helium tank next to a pile of balloons.

"Hey Frank." Apparently I startled him because he jumped a little before turning around. As soon as he opened his mouth to speak the balloon he was blowing up popped next to his face, letting out a loud sound making everyone flinch.

"Jesus Christ, enough already! You suck at this," the blonde girl said to him as she seemed to recover from a heart attack.

"It's not my fault!"

"Maybe if you weren't high you wouldn't have so much trouble. That's like the tenth balloon you've popped so far." She continued to make fun of him but they were both laughing. Even if she didn't say it, it was so obvious that Frank was stoned.

"Whatever. Who the fuck needs fifty balloons anyway? This is bullshit. Fucking John, I swear to God," he complained and then looked at me like he just noticed I came in. "Oh, Mitchie. You're here. Why?" he asked and scrunched his eyebrows together.

"Sorry it was a last minute thing."

"Are you here for Alex?" Fuck, was she here? I just looked at him like he was an idiot and he continued to think. "Uhhh…do I have something for you?" he guessed before attaching another balloon to the helium tank and blowing it up slowly.

"Um, you should…but…is Alex here today?" I know I shouldn't be curious, or at least showing how curious I was, but I really miss seeing her; even if she didn't want to see me. He removed the balloon but didn't tie it. He brought the end to his lips and inhaled until it was completely deflated.

"Yes she is," he said, his voice high-pitched and squeaky from the helium. "Would you like to see her?" Yes. Wait, fuck…no. I can't.

"That's probably not a good idea. I just want to get whatever my dad wants and get out of here." He thought about it for a while and reattached the balloon to the tank to blow it up again.

"Alright. I have your stuff on hold in the back. I'll go get it for you…" he told me as his voice started going back to normal. He stopped inflating the balloon and held it in his hand before sucking the air out about halfway. "But I won't give you shit until you talk to Alex." And now his voice was back to being high. Wait a minute what the fuck is he talking about?

"What! No. Why should I?"

"Because depressed Alex isn't as fun as happy Alex. I don't mind but she is just almost _always_ sad. Smoking doesn't even help much anymore. And she smokes _a lot_." I felt a wave of guilt wash over me. I didn't like that she was smoking so much but it's not like I can tell her what to do. I just don't want her to do anything that could hurt her.

"Really?"

"Yes." His voice was deep again like it usually is. "A few weeks ago she and I smoked through like…nine bowl packs in one day and it barely got to her. She didn't even feel it; I swear it's like she's dead inside." Was he _trying_ to make me feel terrible about all of this? I hated hearing how messed up she was because of me. "All she does is work or come over my house and smoke or chill or whatever. She practically lives with me." Another wave of guilt hit me. She doesn't live with me anymore so she's trying to stay away from her home any way she can. I caused a lot more problems than I thought I had.

"I'm sorry." I don't know why I said that but I felt like I owed him an apology too. He and Alex have always been good friends and recently they've gotten a lot closer. And I'm so glad that she has him to go to, especially since I basically destroyed her. I know he just misses hanging out with his friend when she _wasn't_ depressed or miserable.

"Don't apologize to me. We're cool. And I know you said sorry to Alex like a million times and she acts like she doesn't care but trust me, she wants to see you." I shook my head not believing him.

"No she doesn't."

"No, she just won't admit it because she's retarded."

"Frank can you please just get me what I came here for so I can go?" I asked, getting impatient but he just sucked in the rest of the helium in the balloon he was holding. He picked up the phone sitting on the counter in front of him and pushed a button on it. A double beep sounded, cutting off the low music of the radio, before he spoke into it.

"Aleeeeeeeeeex, can you please come to the front register, I neeeeeed youuuuuuuuuuuu," he shouted into the device, his high pitched voice blaring throughout the store, grabbing the attention of almost everyone. Some people's face twisted in confusion while others started laughing. I reached over to him and smacked him in the arm. "Ow! What the fuck? Why is everyone hitting me? Bitches are crazy today."

"Why the hell did you do that?" I yelled at him. "She told me she doesn't want me around."

"I don't know. I didn't really think it through," he admitted and I wanted to smack him again. Before I could argue with him any further I saw Alex coming out of one of the aisles. My breath hitched in my throat as she walked toward us looking as confused as ever.

"What the fuck? Are you serious? I thought that was Kelly," she said motioning towards the blonde girl next to Frank, mistaking the high pitched voice for hers.

"What! I don't sound like that!" she exclaimed but didn't seem to be offended. "Fuckin' Alvin and the chipmunks over her just doesn't know how to do his job." She gestured towards Frank and he kicked the tank and grabbed a handful of balloons and threw them on the floor.

"_Fuck_ balloons! This isn't even my job! It's yours! Why do I even need to blow up balloons? What are they training me to become a clown? Don't you fucking say anything," he warned as the blonde girl, Kelly, opened her mouth to talk. She closed it and held in her laughter. "Now I'm gonna go…somewhere else," he said as Alex glared at him. "I need to find a bag with the word Torres on it…but I'm not quite sure where I put that…so it might take a while." He was so terrible at this. I was glaring at him just as hard as Alex was. As he walked off, she followed him into a nearby aisle but I could still hear them.

"What are you doing?" she asked in a hushed tone.

"Go back to the register you can't just leave her there. That's rude."

"You're an asshole. Why are you doing this?"

"Just talk to her!" Nothing else was said but Alex all of a sudden quickly came stumbling out of the aisle like she had been roughly shoved. Her eyes met mine and almost immediately I started feeling nervous again. The other girl at the register looked between us and walked around the counter.

"I'm gonna go see if John needs me at the back register. Can you stay here?" she asked Alex but left before she could answer her. She sighed and walked behind the counter and picked the balloons off the floor.

"Frank is such a fucking moron," she mumbled but I couldn't tell if she was talking to me or if she was just saying it to no one in particular.

"I'm sorry I didn't ask him to call you here," I told her honestly and she looked at me weirdly.

"Oh, I was talking about this," she said, holding up the balloons in her hand.

"Right…"

"I don't know what Frank told you but-"

"He didn't tell me anything," I cut her off and it was so hard to maintain eye contact with her. Frank was right. She just looked so…sad.

"Oh. Well, he's high right now."

"I figured." This was absolute torture.

"Look, Mitchie…"

"Don't worry, Alex. I just came to pick something up. As soon as Frank comes back I'll leave you alone." As much as it killed me I knew I had to…leave her alone. I don't want her to think I came here for her. I need to give her space.

"Okay." It was silent after that but it didn't stay that way for long. Frank came up to us, a plastic bag in one hand.

"Hey, I found it. And your dad already paid for everything so you're good to go," he said while handing me the bag. Was he listening to our conversation or did he just have really good timing?

"Thanks. I'll see you later," I told him before looking at Alex. I didn't say anything and just turned around and headed for the door. I stopped by one of the aisles when the register was out of sight. I hated the way things were now. I hated how we can't even be in the same room as each other anymore. I hated how she wants nothing to do with me. And I hated how this all could have been avoided if I hadn't fucked everything up.

I was about to start walking again when I heard a group of loud people come through the front doors. I looked up and wasn't all that surprised to see Nate and his friends. I hadn't seen any of them since school. It was an extremely pleasant change from roaming the halls wondering if one of them were going to try something. I didn't miss the fear at all.

They were being loud and obnoxious and every now and then Nate or one of them would slip something into their pockets. I rolled my eyes and continued towards the exit before I noticed them walk up to the register Alex was still standing at, alone now. I stayed where I was and watched as she grew increasingly annoyed with them. They seemed to be arguing and I didn't like where it was going. I could go over there and try to help or do something but I don't know if that goes against this whole 'staying away from each other' policy we have going on right now.

I debated with myself for a second or two and I walked in the opposite direction and found a man with graying hair and a red shirt with the store name and the word MANAGER on the name tag. I figured that there wasn't any harm in getting someone else to help her. The last thing Alex needs is Nate and his stupid friends bothering her again. I walked up to the manager and he asked if I needed help with anything.

"No but those guys by the register have been stealing since they walked in."

"They have?"

"Yeah I saw it. And one of them keeps bothering Alex." He looked up at the four boys by the counter and then back at me.

"Is it the one with the mini Jew fro?" I turned towards the curly-haired boy and noticed he was getting in Alex's face. My blood boiled and I wanted to go over there and punch him in the mouth. I nodded. "Yeah I've seen that kid in here before. He's always causing problems with her. I'll call security in case it gets out of hand," he assured me and I felt a little relieved.

"Thank you," I said as he dialed a number and said something into a phone that I didn't quite catch. I stood there a while before I heard Alex's voice loud and clear from across the store and I looked over to see Nate grab her by her shirt. The manager quickly took off in their direction as I watched on from where I was standing. I couldn't leave without knowing that she was okay.

**Alex's POV**

Mitchie walked away and left without saying anything to me. I turned to Frank and he scratched the back of his head. I had told back tears again. I knew after all this time she wouldn't care anymore. She doesn't even want to talk to me or be around me. I mean, I know I told her I needed space but I just thought that she would…I don't know, not listen or something. She never listens.

"Why'd you make me do that?" I asked, trying to keep my voice from breaking.

"She wanted to see you!"

"No she didn't! God Frank, just stop trying to fix this! It can't be fixed okay? It's done. I'm done. She's done. She doesn't care about this anymore so stop trying to force her to talk to me."

"Stop pretending like you're over this! You know she still cares about you and you know you still care about her too!"

"Why does this even matter to you!"

"Because even though you won't admit it you are absolutely miserable and I can't stand seeing you break down every day." After that he took off and left me alone. I was about to go after him but I remembered that I can't leave the register unattended so I stayed in my spot. I groaned out loud when I realized that Nate and his stupid fucking friends were coming up to me. Great, as if my day didn't suck enough.

"Oh it's you again," he said as he leaned against the counter.

"What do you want?" I said dryly, not wanting to engage in any form of communication with him.

"Don't give me an attitude. Are you this rude to all of your customers?"

"Just the ones who cheat on me, treat me like dirt, and then beat the shit out of me," I told him curtly with narrowed eyes but he just smirked in response.

"Oh so you're rude to Mitchie too then?" My face dropped and my heart sank. She may have cheated on me but she never put her hands on me or treated me as horribly as he has. And he had no right to talk about her like that.

"Get out." I wasn't in the mood for this and he needed to leave before I lost it.

"You can't kick me out."

"Yes I can. Now get out."

"Don't be a bitch, Alex." He was getting angrier but I didn't care. "Why don't you make yourself useful for once and get me a pack of Newports."

"Why don't you show me your ID, oh right I forgot, you're only seventeen. So fuck off." He reached over the counter and grabbed me by my shirt and pulled me towards him. My waist hit the edge of the counter and I winced in pain from the contact.

"Do you think you're funny?"

"Let me go before I call security," I managed to say as I caught my breath. He pulled me even harder and I tried not to let it show how much it actually hurt.

"Are you seriously threatening me?"

"Fuck you." I don't know why I was just fueling the fire at this point. Everything I said was making him angrier and he grabbed my shirt with both hands now and forcefully yanked me. My hips and stomach crashed against the edge painfully before I was pulled over the counter and onto the floor. "Nate, stop!" I shouted as I coughed and held my aching side. To my surprise he let me go but when I looked up I saw an officer holding him. I breathed a sigh of relief.

"What the hell, get off of me," he said to the man but John told him to stop talking. "I didn't do anything." Wow I can't believe he was going to try to deny it. I mean, I'm actually on the floor and I'm pretty sure I'm bruising as we speak.

"You come in here all the time and you and your friends do nothing but make a mess and annoy everyone. You can't shoplift and you definitely can't assault my employees." He informed the officer to take him to the back and to check his backpack and pockets. The other guys he was with were ordered to go as well and John held his hand out for me to take it. He pulled me up and steadied me when I doubled over in pain. "Are you okay? Who _is _that kid?"

"My ex; he's always like this. He just hates me," I told him but then a thought crossed my mind. "How did you know to call security? You literally came the second he pulled me over the counter."

"A young lady told me to watch out for them and that the curly haired one is trouble." My brows furrowed in confusion.

"What?"

"Yeah, she looked your age, brown hair, a little shorter than you. She knew who you were. Oh, she's right over there," he said and nodded towards the front door. I looked over and saw a girl walking out of the store.

"Mitchie?" I said quietly without really meaning to say it out loud.

"You know her?"

"Yeah…" I don't know why I felt like I couldn't speak. She wasn't even there anymore but my chest was clenching and my hands were sweating. I thought she had already left. But she stayed…to help me. "She's a friend of mine." John nodded and asked me one more time if I was okay. I told him I was fine even though I was in a lot of pain and he went to go handle Nate and his friends out back.

"What the fuck was that all about?" Frank asked as he appeared next to me. I didn't even see him come over here. "What happened to you?" I still couldn't talk. I lifted the bottom of my shirt up slightly and looked down. A large, bright red mark was going across my stomach which I'm sure would turn purple by tomorrow. "Dude, that looks sick." He _would_ be impressed by a bruise. "You alright though?" he asked, now a little concerned but I just shook my head.

"I can't do this anymore, Frank." My voice was quiet and I looked back up to stare at the store's front entrance. Mitchie was long gone but I kept looking.

"What? Work here?"

"No…with Mitchie."

"What do you mean?" What _did_ I mean? I don't even know what I want but I can't take this anymore.

"I miss her so much," I whispered and leaned back against the counter, crossing my arms over my chest. "You were right." I continued to stare off at the door. I can't believe after everything, all the things I said to her, after insulting her and telling her to get out of my life, she still helped me…she still cares. "I'm not over her."

"So you're gonna get back together with her?"

"No I can't do that. But…" I finally tore my eyes away and looked back at Frank.

"Maybe you should try…I don't know, starting over…as friends." I thought about it and I knew deep down that he was right…again. "I know it might be hard for you but maybe this is what you need. It can't be _that _bad, right?" Nothing could be worse than this. Whatever we are right now, it's just not working. I can't be without her.

"I don't know Frank. All I know is that I need her in my life again."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Over And Over by Three Days Grace**


	17. Erase Me

**A/N 1: Didn't go to work again = fast update! (well, fast for me anyway) There's a time skip again but it was necessary. I was annoying myself because I felt like there's a lot of repetition but I hope that changes with this update. I like to call this chapter: progress. Thanks for the reviews. If you have any comments or questions or suggestions don't hesitate to let me know or message me.**

**A/N 2: There's a text conversation in this chapter and it got confusing so just know the messages in bold are from Alex. Just so you guys are aware.**

**Review? You should.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>17. Erase Me<p>

_I keep on running, keep on running  
>And nothing works<br>I can't get away from you, no  
>I keep on ducking, keep on ducking<br>And nothing helps  
>I can't stop missing you<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

In every school there is always that one kid who throws a party to celebrate the end of school and the end of summer. Normally for a party like this I always thought it would be Zach to do it for our school. Thankfully, it wasn't. No, at our school Jimmy is the host every year. Although Zach's house is bigger…and nicer, I like parties at Jimmy's house more. Usually he would wait until his parents were away to throw the party but this year his parents want to throw a party for him.

His mom and dad were always the nicest people I have ever met. Out of all my friends' parents that I have met, his were my favorite. I love Mitchie's parents but her mom can be a bit psychotic at times. Frank's parents are divorced and certifiably nuts; his whole family is. But Jimmy's family is awesome. His mom said he can have the whole house and she even offered to provide the alcohol which meant no one had to pay for anything. She knows he drinks regardless so she figured he might as well do it at home so no one risks getting in trouble. Like I said, his parents are great.

Since school starts in a couple of days, he decided to have the party tonight. That way no one has to go to school hungover. I was at Frank's house while he was getting ready. I offered to drive him because I didn't want to drink tonight and if I did it wouldn't be a lot. It's not like I'm really in the mood to but he was the designated driver last time we went out drinking and smoking so I owed him one. He was wandering around his room in his boxers while I sat on his bed waiting for him.

"Can you hurry up? And can you put some fucking clothes on. No one wants to see your pale ass skinny body."

"Hey! Fuck you, I'll get fully naked don't even test me."

"Trust me, no one wants to see that either." He came up to me and grabbed my hand, guiding it to the waistband of his boxers. I laughed and screamed at the same time trying to pull back.

"Oh my God ew no! Okay I'm sorry I'm sorry! Please stop!" He released me and laughed at my panic. He is so fucking weird but I can't help but find the things he does funny. "You're so annoying."

"No you're just _gay_."

"Yes, I am. So why the hell would I ever want to be anywhere near your dick?"

"You will one day," he said as he finally grabbed a pair of shorts and tugged them on.

"Maybe when I'm dead."

"Mmm necrophilia…so hot." I grimaced and my face twisted in disgust at his sick joke.

"Okay this conversation is officially repulsive and needs to end. Are you ready yet?" I asked while he put on a dark blue button-up shirt with the sleeves rolled to his elbows.

"Yeah yeah keep your panties on. Toss me my shoes." I picked up his checkered Vans and threw them in his direction. "So...you spoken to Mitch yet? She's gonna be there tonight, you know." I twirled my car keys around in my hand, not looking at him. We've talked about this before after I saw her at work and the whole mess with Nate happened. Frank doesn't think it's a good idea to want her back in my life so badly and to be honest I agree with him. I know I need her but I don't _want_ to need her.

"I don't know. I guess if I see her I'm not gonna ignore her. But I'm not just gonna be like 'oh hey, we're best friends again' that's just weird."

"Yeah but you know that the second you let her back into your life she's never going to stop trying to get you back." Is that really such a bad thing though?

"You really think so?"

"I thought you knew this girl better than anyone."

"But I don't want to get back together with her. I want to get over her. This is too complicated and it hurts too much."

"Well here's my advice-"

"Here we go…"

"The best way to get over someone…"

"Is to get under someone else?" I asked, finishing his thought for him.

"If you knew then why do you keep asking me for help?" I sighed and brought my hand up to my face and rubbed my eyes. "You think if you end up talking to her tonight then you'll just go right back to her?"

"I don't want that to happen but I'm afraid that it might."

"Then maybe you _should_ take my advice. Try being with someone else…someone who isn't Mitchie…or Nate."

"Isn't it wrong though? Wouldn't I just be using someone to get over my ex? It's been like three months I don't get how I'm still so fucking attached to her." He took a belt out of his closet and slipped it through the loops of his shorts, tightening it a bit so it doesn't fall completely below his ass.

"Wanna know what I think?"

"No but you're going to tell me anyway."

"I think you're both pathetic," he confessed and I was a little taken aback by his comment. I mean, sure he always insults me but that one for some reason hurt a little.

"What?"

"I said you're both pathetic. I mean, you get cheated on and you dump the girl, like you should, but all you ever talk about is her and how much you miss her. Then there's Mitchie; she cheats on you, loses you, you tell her to stay away, she actually listens but gets upset and always talks about how much she misses you. You two need to see new people and _move the fuck on_." He stopped his rant and looked at me. I just sat there not knowing how to respond and kept my eyes away from him. "Sorry, was that mean?" he asked and it actually sounded like he was sincere, which was weird considering he never apologizes or worries if he hurt my feelings. He usually never does hurt my feelings because I know he's never serious.

"No…it wasn't. I guess I needed to hear that. And…you're right."

"…I am?"

"Yeah, all I do is complain about her and I think it would just be better to stop altogether. I need to stop missing her or wondering if we're ever going to get back together or if it's all even worth it."

"So what are you gonna do if you see her tonight?"

"Nothing. Well, not nothing, but you know…whatever happens, happens." He looked at me weirdly and raised an eyebrow. "Not like that."

"Alright, whatever you say. You wanna head out?" I nodded and I lead the way out of his house and into my car.

**Mitchie's POV**

Jimmy's house is a lot more chill than Zach's for some reason. Well, first reason is definitely because…it's not Zach's house. I haven't been back to his house since that night and I don't plan on going back. I know he's here tonight but he hasn't tried talking to me and I am beyond thankful for that. I've been distracting myself and keeping myself busy with Eric, Jimmy and Vanessa. We were in the backyard and yes, I decided to drink tonight. On my meds, it probably isn't the best idea but I don't plan on overdoing it.

I don't doubt that Frank and Alex are going to come tonight but I didn't want to think about it. I hated this feeling of the clingy ex-girlfriend and even though I am sorry I don't want to keep apologizing. She knows I'm sorry so what good is repeating myself a million times going to do? Nothing, it's just going to annoy her.

Eric had this brilliant idea of hooking up with someone tonight to get my mind off of her. And by brilliant I mean stupid. I don't know if that was his lame attempt at a joke or his lame attempt at trying to get with me again. I think he fully understands that it's never going to happen so I don't think he was hinting at…us, but then again we _are_ drunk.

"Stop staring off into space and take this shot," Jimmy shouted at me over the noise of people around us. We were at a table set up with cups and bottles of alcohol. A few feet over was a table set up for pong or flip cup or what have you. "C'mon Mitch you can't be drunk already." I snapped out of my trance and took the small glass between my fingers, eyeing the translucent liquid inside of it.

"What _is_ this?" I asked, unsure of the alcohol I was about to consume. Vanessa was standing next to me; her normally wavy hair straightened and pulled into a ponytail, and she looked just as confused as I did.

"I wanna say it's vodka but it kind of smells like…tequila…I think," she said and Eric just rolled his eyes and threw his shot back without a second thought. He coughed once and grimaced.

"Ugh, that is definitely not tequila. I don't think that's vodka either. But _shit_ that burns." Jimmy just shrugged his shoulders and drank his and Vanessa and I soon did the same. It actually felt like I was swallowing fire…bitter fire.

"I don't know. I just found it in my liquor cabinet and decided to put it out with the rest of the bottles. Where's the Jameson? I can't drink this shit." He scanned the bottles on the table and came across a green bottle and smiled. "Yeahhhh here we go!" He filled the shot glasses with the new drink and Vanessa leaned in towards me subtly.

"Alex is here," she mumbled quietly before Jimmy shouted over everyone again.

"Yes! Finally!" He did some sort of high-five with Frank as he appeared next to us in the backyard and hugged Alex trailing behind him. They said their hellos to everyone and as soon as Alex pulled away from another hug she looked at me. I haven't seen her since that day Nate showed up and harassed her at work. I didn't know if it was going to be tense and awkward again but she didn't look sad like last time. She looked like she was actually in a good mood. Our eyes locked on each other.

"Hey." Her tone was casual, like she had used with everyone else she greeted. It honestly took me by surprise considering I didn't think she would even speak to me but I didn't let my shock show.

"Hey," I said back in the same voice. I didn't want this to _turn_ awkward but I really didn't know what else to say to her. Luckily I didn't have to come up with anything because Jimmy interrupted us.

"You drinking or what?" he asked her and she tore her gaze away from me to look at the host of the party and shook her head.

"Hell no; Jameson is not my friend. Last time I drank that stuff I puked all over the place."

"Well there's plenty of other booze so go nuts." He turned back to his girlfriend and we all continued drinking. My head started hurting as expected and I refused the next round of shots to slow my alcohol intake down a bit. I didn't need to black out or…make poor decisions like last time.

Alex and I didn't speak to each other after that. It wasn't weird or awkward being around her though which confused me. I mean, I wasn't exactly making the effort to talk to her but what the hell is there to say after all this? I don't even know how to talk to her anymore.

She eventually went off with Frank into the house; I think he said they were going to the basement. They probably went to go smoke or something; I don't know. Jimmy and Eric went to the next table over to play pong and I hung out with Vanessa on the sidelines of their game, not really paying attention to it.

"So are you and Alex finally talking again?" she asked curiously. I was always friends with Vanessa but I never told her things like I did with Alex or Zach…or Eric now. Maybe talking to a girl for a change will give me some new perspective. Eric's great and all but there's only so much he can help me with.

"Um…I don't know. Not really, I guess. I mean, I don't think she's ignoring me or something but we're not exactly…" I trailed off not know how to put my thoughts into actual words.

"Try not to think about it. I think if you think about it then you're going to be too nervous to do anything."

"So…do nothing?"

"I don't know, just go with the flow. Hook up with someone else tonight; maybe it'll take your mind off of her," she told me and I refrained from palming my face forcefully. I didn't expect to get literally the _exact_ same piece of advice that I got from Eric.

"That's what Eric told me to do." She laughed and took a sip from her beer can.

"So do it. Who cares? You're single," she had a point but I'm supposed to be proving to Alex that I love her and only want to be with her. And I'm supposed to just hook up with some random person at a party?

"I know, but…"

"Mitch, just relax. You and Alex and need time apart." We've had more than enough time apart, believe me. "And with other people."

"I don't know…we'll see what happens."

**Alex's POV**

I followed Frank down into the basement where a bunch of other people were hanging out. Some people were drinking, some were smoking, and some were playing video games on the couch. I only agreed to come with Frank because I wanted to get away from Mitchie. I want her back in my life but I'm just afraid of what will happen when she finally is. I'm a coward, I'm aware.

I don't know how long it has been since we came down here but Frank was already high along with two other guys he shared a bong with. He kept offering it to me but I had to remind him that I was driving him home later. I didn't need to smoke or drink anyway. Parties were always enjoyable when Nate isn't around to make my life a living hell.

"Hey, I'm gonna go to the kitchen I'll be right back," I told him and he nodded and sparked the bowl of the bong again. "You want anything?" I offered and he stopped inhaling.

"Nah, I'm good," he said, still holding the smoke in before finally blowing it out. I walked up the stairs and went straight for the fridge. It was filled with beer and other alcoholic drinks and I rolled my eyes trying to find _something_ I can drink. I pushed a few cans aside and finally found one labeled as iced tea. I thanked the heavens and took it out. When I closed the door I nearly jumped out of my skin upon seeing someone standing next to me.

"Holy fucking crap," I breathed out and studied the blue eyes of the girl leaning against the refrigerator. You have _got_ to be kidding me. She _would_ be here. "Hey Sam." I figured there was no need to be pissy about her being here. I mean she did try to sleep with me when I was with Mitchie but we're not together anymore. It's not like there's anything for her to ruin.

"Long time no see Alex," she said with a smile, almost a smirk and I knew where this was going without even saying a full sentence to her. "Heard you and Mitchie broke up." There it is.

"Yeah…a few months ago actually." She seemed intrigued and somewhat determined, but then again she always did.

"How come?" I bet she knew and just wanted me to admit it. There was no point to this conversation and I hated that I knew how it was going to end.

"We just…did," I told her simply, not wanting to go into detail.

"That's too bad." We ended up talking for a good while, about nothing in particular, but even in my sober state I cannot recall how she managed to get so close to me. She had been flirty and touching me constantly and for once I didn't do anything to stop her. Frank's words traveled through my brain followed by an image of Mitchie. Frank's words and my desire to get over my ex-girlfriend won the war inside of me and I didn't hesitate to kiss back when Sam pressed her lips against mine.

She tasted like some fruity variation of Smirnoff mixed with a hint of menthol cigarettes. It wasn't the most pleasant combination in the world but I wasn't really complaining. It could have been a lot worse in my opinion. I pushed the thought out of my mind as her tongue entered my mouth and her hands found my hair and my waist. When we finally broke apart for air she took a hold of my hands and started pulling me away from the kitchen and up the stairs.

She opened the first unlocked door she could find and closed it behind her before attacking me with her lips once again. She kissed me fiercely with burning lust and slowly pushed me back against the bed. She fell on top of me and moved to my neck. She sucked the sensitive flesh until I was almost positive I was bruised but I didn't mind much. I let a moan escape my mouth as her fingers traveled under my shirt and crept up my chest.

I grabbed at her back as her hands grabbed me after successfully getting my bra out of the way. I sat back up and grabbed her face to pull her back into another heated kiss. She lifted my shirt over my head and wrapped her arms around me tightly, pressing our bodies together trying to get them as close as possible.

She bit and tugged at my bottom lip and caressed my back and sides, traveling lower and lower until she reached the edge of my black shorts. She passed over them and gripped my thighs, slightly pushing my legs apart. She rubbed them up and down and slowly found my waist again. Her fingers played with the button and zipper until they were finally undone and my shorts were being slid down my body.

Throughout this entire…situation I guess you could call it, I didn't fail to notice that I was barely touching her. When I was in nothing but my underwear and I faintly heard my shorts hit the floor somewhere in the room I realized I hadn't touched her because I didn't _want_ to. This was Sam. I tried to have sex with her once before for the same reason as I am right now; to get over Mitchie. It ended in disaster last time. I know the scenario was different but Sam doesn't mean anything to me and never will. I've had meaningless sex with Nate for such a long time and I was sick of not feeling anything for someone.

Just as she hooked her fingers at the top of my underwear to tug it down I grabbed her hands and she stopped moving. I sat up again and moved away from her only a little bit but enough so that she wasn't touching me anymore. It was weird; I didn't think I would ever do this when I was sober. I'm glad I didn't drink anything tonight. Sam was staring at me with an intoxicated look of confusion and absolute frustration.

"What is it?" she asked, not really concerned but somewhat. I breathed a long sigh and shook my head.

"Just…stop," was all I could manage to say and she scrunched her brows together not understanding what the hell was going on.

"I thought you said you broke up with Mitchie."

"I did…"

"So what's the problem?" I don't even know how to explain this to her. And even if I did I wasn't sure I even _wanted_ to give her an explanation. I don't particularly like messing with people but I didn't care much for her feelings anyway. She never cared for mine in the past.

"I just can't do this." In an instant she went from looking confused to just plain pissed off. I really didn't want to deal with her right now though.

"You are the biggest fucking tease on the planet I swear to God." Well that was ironic. I could have sworn I said something similar to Mitchie one night.

"Why does it even matter to you?"

"Because you're being so God damn difficult. Christ, you're not even with the girl anymore and you won't even be with anyone else," she spat and I stared at her. Now I was confused.

"I never said anything about Mitchie…you did."

"That's not the point. I mean really, after all those times we _almost_ had sex you still have some stupid reason for not going through with it."

"I just don't want to. Why is this such a big deal? Why are you trying so hard to be with me, even when I was with Mitchie?" It made no sense that she would waste her time if she was aware that we obviously are never going get anywhere. "Or do you just get some sort of thrill at me saying no to you over and over?" I didn't wait too long to stop her from answering me. I knew what this was about. "I'm right, aren't I? This is just some weird game to you. I'm the only person who's said no to you and you hate that."

"Well _duh. _What did you think I actually wanted to be with you?" My face fell and I rolled my eyes as I got up off of the bed. I found my discarded clothes in a pile on the floor and I pulled them all back on.

"Can you go?" I asked tiredly not wanting to speak to her or push this conversation any further.

"Excuse me?" she asked, slightly offended.

"Just leave me alone, Sam. I seriously want nothing to do with you." She scoffed and got off the bed as well; fixing her clothes so they weren't twisted or messed up.

"Yeah that's what you always say and then look what happens; you just come right back. What, were you frustrated your little girlfriend wasn't putting out?" Why did our conversation _have_ to always go back to her? I know I wanted to do this because I wanted to get over her but still…Jesus, give it a rest.

"What happened between me and Mitchie is none of your business. We broke up and that's it. And turns out, I still don't want to sleep with you." She crossed her arms over her chest and looked like she was finally done.

"Whatever I am so over this." About _fucking_ time. She glared at me as she turned on her heel and slammed the door on her way out. I let out a loud, dragged out and frustrated sigh before sitting on the foot of the bed. Well…this certainly didn't go as I expected.

You would think that after not having sex for such a long time I would want it no matter who it was with but that's not even the case. Sure, I never slept with Mitchie but sleeping with Nate wasn't a fucking picnic for me. It was annoying and miserable and I honestly wish I had been like Mitchie, for the most part anyway, and just waited until I was ready or until I was with someone I actually cared about or loved. I know it didn't end up that way for her but those were her intentions.

I think deep down I knew I wasn't going to go through with sleeping with Sam and I'm kind of glad I had the good sense to stop it before it happened. What was I thinking? I _hate_ Sam. I just knew she would be more than willing but that's just not who I am. I don't do things like this. It's not worth it.

I glanced down at my wrist watch and was shocked to see how late it was already. I saw my phone on the floor from when it had fallen out of my pocket and picked it up. I had a bunch of text messages. They were all from Frank. I didn't know what he could possibly want but it was probably him asking me to smoke or asking me to leave…and God knows what else. I started reading them and bursted out laughing; each message was more ridiculous than the last.

_Text Message From: Frank  
>Too high. Feel like I'm in an episode of teletubbies<em>

_Text Message From: Frank  
>Like I feel like I'm the vacuum cleaner or the giant baby face in the sun. I'm that fuckin sun baby I swear to god<em>

_Text Message From: Frank  
>THIS IS NUTS. I'm sleeping here. I'm sleeping in the backyard. I need to sleep in a meadow or something with grass and flowers and rabbits and shit<em>

_Text Message From: Frank  
>Don't drive me home. I can't be in a car. I'm not tryna go to the moon. I'm already the sun.<em>

_Text Message From: Frank  
>What IS the sun? like…what if there was no sun?<em>

_Text Message From: Frank  
>You fuckin went upstairs with Sam? Awwwwww yeahhhhhhh get it in!<em>

_Text Message From: Frank  
>I want pics<em>

That was the last one and after reading them all I am one hundred percent convinced that I am friends with the biggest fucking retard on the planet. I shook my head and opened a new message to reply to him.

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>Lmao you're so fucking stupid. Nothing happened<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>YEAH OKAY<em>

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>I'm serious<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>People saw you makin out in the kitchen<em>

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>Nothing happened. I'm by myself right now<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>You're alone? Are you masturbating?<em>

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>The fuck? No<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>I WANT PICS<em>

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>Lol jesus christ take a fucking nap<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>I fuckin wish.<em>

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>So you really don't need me to drive you later?<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>Hell no. I'm bout to pass out in ma mothafuckin snuggie<em>

_Text Message To: Frank**  
>Lol well okay you have fun with that<strong>_

_Text Message From: Frank  
>Damn right I will! It's a fuckin blanket with sleeves nigga!<em>

I stopped responding to him after that. Once my laughter finally died down I shoved my phone back into my pocket and stared around the room. I think this was Jimmy's room. I could tell the walls were a light shade of blue and there was a pile of clothes on the floor next to the closet. On the other side of the room was a rather large window. The gross warmth of early September faded into the night and was replaced by a nice breeze. I climbed out of the window and onto the flat surface of the roof and figured that this was a good place to just hang out for a while.

**Mitchie's POV**

I don't know what bizarre chain of events led me to where I am right now but I honestly have no fucking idea how I ended up in a random guest room upstairs with some guy whose name I cannot even remember. I swore I wasn't going to drink enough to make poor decisions but I obviously don't know what that limit is. I feel fine, like I have good control over my thoughts and actions but for some reason I'm still doing this.

I guess it started out as us playing pong together. He needed a partner and I needed a distraction from my constant thoughts of Alex. We played a few rounds and he drank most of it because my headache was still there and I wanted it to die down a bit. Then we just ended up inside and started talking. He isn't very interesting and I guess I went along with it when he kissed me because I didn't want to hear him talk anymore.

I blindly followed when he dragged me upstairs and into a random bedroom. I normally wouldn't but when we were in the kitchen talking I couldn't help but notice Alex come up from the basement and go to the fridge. I also couldn't help but notice her talking to Sam. And I definitely couldn't help but notice them making out and then leave somewhere together.

I know what she does shouldn't matter to me but out of everyone she could have hooked up with did it _have _to be Sam? She's not my girlfriend anymore though so she can do whatever she wants. I just hated what I was feeling and I wanted to forget about it. That's why I didn't stop this random guy from shoving his tongue down my throat and picking me up to carry me to the bed.

I was hardly participating in this. He was doing all the work and the touching and I really don't understand how he is enjoying himself. He was kissing my neck and grabbing at my breasts through my shirt and I was kind of just…there. I kissed him back when he brought his lips back to mine but I felt nothing. I actually would much rather be hooking up with Eric instead right now even though I would still feel nothing. Honestly the only thing I am getting out of this is confirmation that I am definitely gay.

I started sobering up when I felt his hands move to my waist. After a strong tug to my jeans my mind went back to Alex and that night she came over after breaking up with me. My heart rate shot through the roof and I stopped and pushed his hand away from me immediately. My breaths were labored and he stared at me.

"C'mon Mitch," he slurred before pulling my face back towards his and kissed me again. He started unbuttoning his pants and that's when I shook my head and finally spoke up.

"Mmm, no, stop." He huffed in annoyance but didn't get off of me.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No. I'm not going to have sex with you."

"Then what the hell was all this? I thought you didn't give a shit." What the hell was he even talking about?

"What?"

"Oh c'mon everyone at school knows about you," he said and I sat up fully, moving him off of me, before bringing my hands to my eyes. I couldn't believe this was still happening to me. "You're really not gonna do anything?" he asked impatiently but I ignored him. He sighed and buttoned his pants and headed for the door, mumbling something on the way out.

I stood up and paced around in frustration before I felt a churning sensation in the pit of my stomach. I didn't drink _too_ much but the alcohol on top of the disgust I was feeling at my current situation made me want to vomit. I exited the room and went into the hallway. I didn't know the layout of Jimmy's house too well but I did know that he had a bathroom in his bedroom. I went straight ahead and thanked God that he left the door unlocked.

When I walked into the bathroom I turned the light on and faced the toilet but nothing happened. I took a deep breath and tried to get my senses under control. I turned the faucet on and threw cold water on my face a couple times. My heart rate started going back to normal and I felt a little better. My stomach seemed to calm down and I grabbed a towel to dry myself off.

I didn't want to go back downstairs. I just wanted to go home but Eric was probably too shitfaced to drive me. I could walk but I'm not in the mood for it right now. I just want to forget about _everything_. This was a nightmare. I wanted to get over Alex and forget about her but she is all I fucking think about.

I looked around his room and noticed his window was open. I know his room has a window leading to a flat part of the roof; Jimmy would always smoke weed there when his parents were home. I went to climb out of it, wanting nothing more than to breathe in fresh air. I stood once I was outside and saw someone else was already here. To my surprise, it was Alex.

**Alex's POV**

I was leaning against the house with my feet dangling over the edge when I heard someone step onto the roof. I turned my head around and there was Mitchie. I couldn't read the expression on her face but seeing her here was sort of…calming; I can't really explain it but I'm kind of relieved it was her who came out here.

"Mitchie?" I asked, wondering what she was even doing out here. It's not exactly a place people just casually stroll to. It was the roof.

"Oh…I'm sorry, I didn't think anyone else would be up here," she said awkwardly and somewhat nervously. "I'll go." She sounded upset and even though we don't talk anymore I was still curious. I never like seeing her upset. And quite frankly, I didn't really want her to leave.

"It's fine, Mitch," I told her and she looked at me skeptically. I patted the spot next to me, inviting her over and she slowly walked over and sat down with me. "You okay?" I finally asked, my curiosity getting the better of me. She sighed deeply and shook her head.

"I don't really want to talk about it," she said tiredly and I figured it would be best not to pry. I have no right to anyway. It's not my business. "Why are you out here?" she asked timidly. I guess she was still…I don't know, nervous around me. She probably thought I didn't want her near me.

"…I don't really want to talk about it either," I responded with a somewhat humorless laugh. Her question alone made me think about what happened with Sam and I just wanted to put that behind me. "I just needed to get away from everyone and just…breathe."

"Yeah, me too." It was silent between us but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. I don't know if she felt the same but I was content with it. I wanted to tell her something though and I suppose it's best to just flat out say it.

"I never thanked you…for helping me at work." She gave me a confused look. "I know you told my manager about Nate and his friends and…well, thanks. If it wasn't for you I don't know what else he would have done."

"Don't worry about it." She smiled briefly and it made me smile too. But her face soon turned a little…sad and I think I knew what was coming next. "Look Alex, I know I've said it so many times already and you probably don't want to hear it anymore but I really am sorry for everything. And even though all this…shit…has happened over the past few months…I still love you." I looked at her, the pale moonlight illuminating her face and as much as I didn't want to admit it, she looked beautiful.

"I know." I wasn't saying it back but I wasn't exactly brushing it off either.

"How are things at home?" I knew she was going to be concerned about that but I didn't want to worry her. I know it's her fault I moved back home but it's not like I'm going to use that to make her feel bad or guilty.

"Um…it's been worse. My mom isn't too terrible. You know, after finally coming back and she got all of it out of her system it kind of died down. I mean, I'm hardly ever home now anyway. I just try to work as much as I can and when I'm not doing that I'm out somewhere." She nodded and I could tell she was upset about it. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine."

"Will you though? Alex, I hate knowing you're living in the same house as her."

"Well I have no choice now do I?" She took another deep breath and calmed herself down before facing me again.

"I know everything is messed up and I know that you hate me but I swear that-"

"I don't," I said, cutting off her oncoming rant. She blinked twice and stared at me.

"What?"

"I don't hate you, Mitch." I could tell she wasn't expecting to hear that and honestly I'm surprised how easily I'm admitting to it.

"You…you don't?"

"No. I tried though, believe me I did. I wanted to hate you _so_ badly for what you did." I looked into her eyes and for the first time since that day I broke up with her I didn't feel anger burning inside of me. I didn't see her and Zach together. Thoughts of her cheating on me and hurting me didn't cross my mind. I didn't see Mitchie my ex-girlfriend. I saw Mitchie…just Mitchie; the same girl I met in the seventh grade when I was twelve years old. The same girl I became best friends with. "But I can't. As much as I want to and probably should, I could never hate you."

"Really?" I nodded. "I'm sor-" I cut her off again before she could even start apologizing for the billionth time. She's done enough of that to last a lifetime.

"Mitch, it's okay…really. I forgive you." She looked like she didn't believe me but her smile returned. I smiled back and I was so happy that things felt comfortable between us again. I looked down a bit to the backyard below us. People were almost completely cleared out except for a select few. One I noticed apart from everyone else was a tall skinny guy lying in the grass wrapped in a blanket. "Oh my God," I said over my sudden laughter.

"What?" I pointed in the direction I was looking.

"Frank seriously fell asleep outside in a snuggie." We both started laughing at the idiotic boy passed out. "He is so stupid."

"Seriously. How do you even work with him?"

"He can be so annoying sometimes but he's so funny it actually makes work enjoyable. Like one time when he was stoned, he went the entire day talking like The Count."

"The Count? Like…the vampire from Sesame Street?"

"Yeah, he did the laugh and everything. He freaked out so many of our customers. Oh, no, the worst was the time when he went on the intercom and breathed heavily into it for like a minute straight. I don't know how he hasn't been fired yet." We went back and forth talking about everything and nothing just like we used to. It was like when we first met; no complications of love and hurt…just…two friends talking. After a few minutes I started feeling exhausted and I checked the time again. "Oh, wow, it's really late. I should probably head home."

"You're driving?" she asked, concern laced in her voice and I held the side of the house as I stood up.

"Yeah, I didn't drink or smoke because I have my car with me. Is Eric driving you home?" I asked, assuming he was the one who brought her here.

"I don't know. I think he was supposed to but he's been drinking all night so he's probably wasted. I was just gonna walk or maybe call my dad or something." I held my hand out for her and she looked at it weirdly.

"Come on, I'll drive you," I offered but she just shook her head.

**Mitchie's POV**

"No it's okay you don't have to do that." I know we live close to each other but I still felt odd about all of this. I felt like it's been going so great, too great, and I would just be pushing my luck. Her hand remained where it was.

"I know I don't have to but I want to. It's like three in the morning I don't want you to bother your dad at this hour. And I would feel a lot more comfortable taking you and knowing you got home safe. So, come on." I debated for half a second before reaching out and taking her hand and allowing her to pull me to a standing position. I had to let go the second I was up though. The feeling of her hand in mine was driving me crazy.

We went back through the window and into the house before leaving through the front door together and into her car. The drive was filled with light small talk every now and then and everything was fine until our hands accidentally brushed on the armrest between us. They stayed against each other for a while. She pulled away first and looked slightly unnerved, at least to me.

"I'm sorry." I really hate apologizing this often but I don't know what else to say. She didn't say anything and just stared at the steering wheel. "Are you okay?"

"Yeah I just…look, I'm trying here but…" she trailed off and sighed as the light turned green and she started driving again. "I lied."

"When?"

"That night at your house…" I didn't need to ask her what night she was talking about and I also didn't want to think too much about it. "I don't want you out of my life, Mitch but…" Of course there was a 'but' at the end of that. "I want you to know…we're…not getting back together." My heart sank and even though in the back of my mind I knew that this was going to happen it still broke me a little…or a lot.

"Oh…" was all I could say. If I tried to speak any further I would stutter and not make any sense. "Okay."

"I mean, I know you're sorry and I do forgive you but that doesn't mean it didn't happen. And like I said, I need time." I nodded numbly as we pulled up to my apartment. Things could be a lot worse. At least she's talking to me and still wants me in her life. That alone was enough to heal my heart just a little bit. But I wasn't going to give up. I couldn't.

"Okay, I understand. But…" I tried to figure out how to put it into words. "I'm never gonna stop trying. I know I hurt you but I love you and I'm going to do whatever it takes for you to love me again." I opened the door and started to climb out when her voice made me freeze.

"I never stopped."

"What?" I turned my head around but she was looking down at the steering wheel again.

"Loving you…" She looked up and I could see her eyes piercing mine even in the black of the night. "I never stopped." All the crap that happened tonight faded away and I almost forgot why I was upset before and what led me to the roof in the first place. Even if we're not getting back together, my heart swelled upon hearing that she still feels the same. Now that we were on speaking terms again I couldn't mess this up. We just stayed like that, looking at each other before she broke our staring contest. I completely stepped out of the car but leaned into the window.

"Thanks for the ride."

"No problem."

"Well I should probably get upstairs before my parents realize I'm not there yet. Goodnight." She nodded and put her car back in drive. As I walked up to the front door of my apartment's lobby she called out to me.

"Hey Mitch," she said and I turned around to see a small smile slowly appear. "I'll see you around." With that she drove away, not knowing just how happy that one sentence made me. I went upstairs and for the first time in _months_ I finally fell asleep with a smile on my face.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Erase Me by Kid Cudi Ft. Kanye West**

**Sorry for the constant switch between POV's but hope you liked the chapter regardless**


	18. You Could Be Happy

**A/N 1: Is this considered a fast update again? Work has turned absolutely brutal and I finished this while I was half-conscious after falling asleep during dinner so I think I deserve a medal or something. I'm not gonna lie though, I don't really like this chapter all that much but maybe you guys will have a different opinion. It's a filler and I kind of half-assed it but I needed to get through this so I can transition into the next part of the story. So bear with me and I apologize.  
><strong>

**But uh, review anyway?  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>18. You Could Be Happy<p>

_Is it too late to remind you how we were  
>But not our last days of silence, screaming, blur<br>Most of what I remember makes me sure  
>I should have stopped you from walking out the door<br>You could be happy, I hope you are  
>You made me happier than I'd been by far<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

"I can't believe you fucked Sam." Frank has been whining all day. I have told him a million and one times that nothing happened but he doesn't believe me.

"I can't believe we're still talking about this. _Nothing. Happened._"

"I can't believe you didn't send me pics."

"Even if anything happened you're not getting shit."

"I light you up all summer and all I ask for is nudes but nooooo. Fuckin' prude." Sometimes I honestly wonder how I put up with this kid.

"I bought you enough food to feed a third world country you fat ass." He shrugged knowing I was right and cut open the next box once we finished unpacking the one in front of me. "Your advice didn't even work."

"Well that's because you tried to get over Mitchie with fucking Sam stupid skank Ackerman." I laughed at the hilarious reality of that statement and readjusted the numbers of the price gun in my hand.

"Ugh I know. The fuck was I thinking? It completely had the opposite effect. I ended up with Mitchie instead." He gasped way too dramatically and I realized what I had just said. "No, not like that. We just hung out and talked."

"How'd that go?"

"It was…good," I said, remembering every detail of our conversation and I couldn't fight the smile that appeared on my face. God damn it; it hasn't even been a whole day and she already has me turning into mush. "We got everything out in the open and we just…talked. We had a good laugh at you passed out in a snuggie in the fucking yard." He belted out a laugh, probably forgetting almost everything that happened last night.

"Oh man I wanted to have sex with that thing it was so damn comfy."

"I could tell."

"So you and Mitch didn't hook up?" he asked and I sighed while shaking my head. I didn't want to tell him that I kind of wanted to.

"I told her that we're not getting back together. But…" I trailed off and he eyed me weirdly, urging me to continue. "I may or may not have told her that…I was still in love with her." I don't know if I regret doing that or not but it was the truth.

"You fucking idiot! Why would you tell her that?"

"I know it's stupid of me but I just…I don't want to be with her but at the same time I do," I confessed and I think it just hit me how unhealthy this all was. I really do need to move on but Jesus Christ I am so helplessly attached to her. "I need help."

"Like…professional help? I think so too." I hit him in the back of the head and he hit me in mine with his price gun making me shout out in pain.

"Ow! Fuck man that thing hurts."

"That's what she said," he retorted and I rolled my eyes.

"You're an idiot. And I meant I need help with Mitchie. I want to be friends with her but I don't want to be like…I don't know, obsessed with being with her," I tried to explain.

"So what do you want me to do?"

"Just stop me if you see me going down that path." He nodded and then looked like he just came up with an idea or something. And that could never be a good thing.

"Hang on," he said before leaving me in the aisle filled with toothpaste, deodorants, and shaving products. After about half a minute he jogged back carrying a bottle with a spray top filled three quarters of the way with water. "Here we go."

"What's that for?" I asked before he sprayed some water directly into my face, getting it in my eyes and ears in the process. I let out a yelp of surprise and spit the small amount of water out of my mouth and glared at him. "What the hell!"

"Relax it's just water. I do this to my cats when they're being stupid little bitches. And now I'm going to do it to you. So don't be a stupid little bitch."

"Are you fucking serious? This is your idea? To treat me like your dumb cats?" I asked incredulously and he sprayed me with the water again. "Frank!"

"Don't talk about my cats! I love my pussies," he stated firmly and the sad thing was I knew he was being completely serious. The kid had like, five cats; it wasn't normal.

"Okay, Jesus, I'm sorry."

"Yeah you better be. Just know that I'm taking this as an invitation to follow you everywhere you go to make sure you stay in line."

"Well that's not creepy at all," I said sarcastically even though we were almost always together anyway. "I just need to make sure I don't go running back to Mitchie like nothing ever happened." He held up the bottled and sprayed it again.

"No! Bad Alex!" he scolded like I was really his pet. This time it mostly got in my nose. I wiped at it and slapped him in the arm.

"I didn't even do anything! I don't want you to do something just because I said her name!"

"Well be more specific next time, bitch." It was silent for a moment before he randomly sprayed me with water again. I groaned and didn't even bother hitting him.

"_What_ was that one for?" I asked through gritted teeth. He smiled like an ass and just started laughing.

"Nothing. It's just funny." Now I slapped him. I ran my hand over my face to wipe the water dripping off of it. "Am I making you wet, Alex?" he asked suggestively through his laughter.

"I fucking hate you sometimes," I said even though I started laughing with him a little bit. He reached into the box we were supposed to be unpacking and pulled out a can of shaving cream. Nothing, and I mean absolutely nothing, good can come out of this. "Frank…don't." I held up my hands to block him but he pushed them away and sprayed shaving cream on me. I grabbed a can of my own.

"Bring it on, homo." He's taken a liking to that nickname and it surprisingly doesn't bother me anymore. Instead of directly spraying him, I sprayed it into my hand and smacked his face with it. "Ah, you cunt! That got in my eye!"

"_That's what she said_," I said, mocking him and we continued going back and forth until the aisle was a mess.

"What the hell are you guys doing?" Our manager appeared at the end of the aisle, surveying the floor covered in boxes and now water and shaving cream. We answered him at the same time.

"I creamed all over Alex."

"Frank had an accident." He rolled his eyes and sighed, trying not to laugh.

"You two, I swear to God are the weirdest people I have ever met." Billy looked between the two of us and then again at the mess we had made. "Just…one of you go find a caution wet floor sign and the other start cleaning this up," he called behind him as he left us. I smacked Frank on his cheek and darted past him instantly.

"I shot not cleaning!"

"You whore!" I heard him shout but I already left the aisle and headed to the register. I saw Kelly standing behind the counter, smiling like always. I never understood how she can always be in a good mood, even here at work.

"Hey Alex." I glanced around her quickly but found nothing. I didn't want to go searching all over the store; that would take longer than Frank cleaning. "What happened to you?" She didn't even try not to laugh at my appearance.

"Hey Kel, you wouldn't happen to know where the caution wet floor sign is would you?" I asked. She looked at me like I was crazy.

"Yeah right like I would know where John keeps anything around here."

"Damn it."

"Let me guess…Frank?" It wasn't that hard to guess. Everyone around here knew how weird Frank was.

"Yeah, he was giving me shit for…something that happened last night and we ended up…well, like this." I ran a hand through my hair to find that I had some shaving cream in it. She looked through some drawers behind the register and handed me a roll of paper towels. "Yeah I don't think those are gonna do much."

"Better than nothing, right?"

"This is true," I said and tore a few sheets and started to clean myself off a bit.

"Did he punch you in your neck too?" she asked, more amused than concerned but I had no idea what she was talking about.

"What?"

"Your neck…you look like someone hit you with a baseball bat." I just stared at her still confused until she realized I really didn't know what was going on. She grabbed one of the small mirrors for sale by the register and handed it to me. I looked at my reflection and saw a reddish purple mark on the side of my throat. I groaned and put the mirror down as Kelly continued to laugh at me. "Did someone have a rough night?"

"Ughhhhhhh. I _wish_ someone hit me with a baseball bat," I said regretting ever going anywhere near Sam. Now I have a reminder that I tried and failed to get over Mitchie and why am I still thinking about her?

"That bad?"

"Just…had a bit of bad luck lately I guess."

"What happened?" she asked curiously, "if you don't mind me asking." I never went around broadcasting my problems regarding my love life but I wasn't exactly opposed to new insight either.

"Tried to get over someone by hooking up with someone else. Didn't work out."

"Did an ex fuck you over?" she asked, taking a stab at my situation and, shockingly, hitting the nail right on the head.

"Yeah kind of."

"Kind of…meaning?"

"She cheated on me." I don't know why I'm bringing all of this up after everything we talked about last night. I kind of just wanted to put that behind me. I mean, I told her that I forgive her.

"Oh…I'm sorry." I offered a smile letting her know that it was fine and I wasn't upset that she made me talk about it.

"Don't worry, we're actually okay now. You know, it took me a while but there's no reason why we can't at least be friends."

"Well that's good. And for what it's worth I think it's kind of weird."

"What do you mean?"

"You just don't look like the type of person that would happen to. You're too pretty to be cheated on. You look like you'd be the girl someone would cheat _with_." I raised my eyebrow at her but found myself laughing again anyway.

"Well thanks, I think?"

"You're welcome. So this other girl you tried to get with…"

"Oh God, she's…she's something else. And not in a good way. I just wanted to not think about…her…so I tried with someone who I knew would be up for it but turns out I wasn't." I sighed and tried cleaning more of the shaving cream off of me. "I don't even know why I bothered. I should have known it wouldn't work."

"Well…maybe you just didn't try with the right person," she offered and I shrugged.

"Maybe. I mean…it doesn't really work when you hook up with a…psycho bitch," I muttered and she laughed again causing me to laugh too. "And now I need to get all this shit off of me." I probably should go to the bathroom or something. I bet I look worse than I think I do.

"Yeah you uh, missed some," she said, pointing to a random spot on my face and I tried wiping at it again. "Here…" She took the paper towel out of my hand and leaned in carefully. "Just hold still or this will burn like hell," she instructed as the paper towel gently touched the corner of my eye. She brought her other hand up to the side of my face to keep both me and her hand steady. "There you go." The shaving cream was successfully cleaned from my eye but her hand remained on my face.

"Thanks."

"Alex! Did you find the sign? I don't need people slipping and complaining in here!" I heard Billy call from down one of the aisles. Kelly dropped her hand and I stepped down from the register.

"I'm still looking for it!"

"Check behind the door!" I went to the side and sure enough it was right there. I grabbed it and set it up in front of the aisle Frank and I had made a mess of.

"Took you long enough; the fuck were you doing?" Frank asked looking up from the mop he was pushing around.

"Mostly cleaning this crap off of me but I need to talk to you about something." He looked up again curiously before reaching behind him and retrieving the spray bottle. He sprayed water in my face again. "Not about Mitchie!"

"Oh…sorry. What's up?" I shifted on my feet a bit not knowing how to go about this.

"Before when I was at the register…I think…Kelly was like…hitting on me," I said a little nervously though I'm not sure why. It all just seemed too strange to me.

"_Yeah _she was!"He didn't share the same reaction as me as he just smiled, almost laughed at me. I was about to ask him what he was talking about but he just looked way too excited over this. My eyes widened in realization.

"What did you do!" I whisper-yelled so the blonde girl behind the counter wouldn't hear. She wasn't that close to us but I still wanted to keep this conversation somewhat private.

"Nothing! I just told her that you were single and tryin' to fuck and – ow!" he screamed as I punched him directly in the gut. "I'm kidding! I didn't say those _exact words_ but close enough. Either way she likes you or thinks you're hot and I told her you'd be interested." I ran my hand through my hair and tried to refrain from tearing it out.

"_Why _the _hell_ did you do that?"

"Why the hell not? You want to move on. Kelly is single…and normal."

"I thought she had a boyfriend. And since when is she even gay?"

"No they weren't really together. And since like…I don't know. She's been with a girl before though so I think she's at least bi."

"I don't know…" I'm still a little hesitant about it because of everything that happened last night. But Frank was right. I do want to move on and Kelly is definitely better than Sam. I actually really liked Kelly. I never thought of her like that but she was always fun to be around.

"You don't _have to _but just give it a shot. You might end up liking her." I thought it over for a bit and even shocked myself when I nodded.

"Okay." Frank even seemed surprised that I was agreeing to it. Honestly though, no one is more surprised than I am. But now that Mitchie is back in my life I need to try even harder to move on and not go back to her.

"But before you do anything you should probably clean yourself off." I looked down at my clothes and sighed. I didn't just need to clean myself off I needed to change completely.

"You're right. I think I have another shirt in my car; I'm just gonna quickly change."

"Can I watch?" I rolled my eyes and started walking away towards the back exit to the parking lot. "Hey you didn't say no!" I flipped him off and exited the store. It felt weird, thinking about someone else other than Mitchie. She's the only person I have ever loved and here I am…trying to forget about her? As I opened the trunk of my car and found the shirt I was looking for I stopped for a moment. Was this even what I really wanted?

**Mitchie's POV**

Alex's words replayed in my head all night after she dropped me off. _We're not getting back together_. I know I said I would be fine with us just being friends if that meant she wouldn't be out of my life anymore but I had a feeling that this was going to be a lot harder than I thought it would. After all those times she told me she'll never love anyone more than she loves me we're just never going to be together again?

I know everything is screwed up but I needed to believe that there was _some_ hope for us. Maybe her wanting to be friends with me again was that hope. I still wasn't going to give up though. It might take longer to convince her that we do belong together but I don't care even if it takes forever. I could just forget about her and move on but I don't want to.

But I needed to go about this carefully. We _just_ started talking to each other again so I didn't want to rush into anything. And I _especially_ didn't want to run into her again after such a short period of time. That would be weird and I would just come off as just a little obsessed and slightly neurotic. That unfortunately wasn't in my power anymore because here I am once again going to this God damn store.

I didn't want to come here but I had no choice. My mom found out I never refilled my prescription and she still thinks I am a psychotic mess without them. I mean I might be, who knows, but I would rather risk that than risk seeing Alex. But to get my mom to calm down and to get off of my ass I agreed to go pick it up.

When I walked up to the pharmacy counter the woman behind it said I needed to wait a few minutes. Thankfully, I hadn't spotted Alex yet but I heard my name being called. I turned to my left and saw Frank on his phone down the aisle. He refocused his attention to the screen, some strange noises and eighties type music coming out of it, and I noticed the floor was a mess.

"Hey Frank. What the hell is all of this, soap?"

"Close, it's shaving cream. I'm supposed to be cleaning it," he laughed and looked back up at me. "So…you and Alex fucked last night?" he asked and if I was drinking something I would have choked on it. What the fuck did Alex tell this kid and why?

"What? No we didn't," I told him honestly and he stared at me for a few seconds before looking utterly disappointed.

"Damn it. I was hoping she was lying."

"Wow. You are actually retarded."

"So seriously, _nothing_ happened?"

"No…seriously." Did he have to make me repeat it so many times?

"Huh…so she wasn't kidding; she really does want to move on." I tried not to look so saddened by what he said but it really did hurt to hear it out loud.

"She does?" I asked, hoping it wasn't true.

"Yup." I looked over to one of the registers and saw Alex there next to that blonde that works here. Her hair looked like it was a little wet and was pulled back into a ponytail. They were talking to each other, smiling and occasionally laughing. It didn't take long for me to put the pieces together. She was trying to move on…with her.

"Oh."

"Hey look, don't worry." Don't worry? The girl I'm in love with likes someone else and he tells me not to worry?

"Why not?"

"Frank!" We both turned our attention away from each other and toward the source of the voice. Alex was behind the counter calling for him.

"What!"

"I'm gonna take my break can you cover for me?"

"No fuck you I'm busy!" he yelled back even though they weren't really that far from each other.

"What? No you're not! You're playing robot unicorn attack! I can hear that stupid ass fucking song from all the way over here!" A guilty expression crossed his features as I just stared at him. He is _so_ weird.

"No I'm not!" Before I could say anything Alex walked up to us.

"Yes you are," she said, catching him in his lie. "Are you kidding me? _That_ is why you haven't finished cleaning yet?" She smacked him in the shoulder and a loud explosion emitted from Frank's phone.

"You bitch you made my unicorn explode."

"Remind me again how _I'm _the gay one," she sneered and then looked at me and seemed to finally realize that I was in fact standing here. "Oh, hey Mitch. What are you doing here?" she asked cheerfully which kind of took me by surprise…again. I wasn't complaining though. I loved that she seemed happy to see me. I held up the prescription paper and showed it to her. "Oh, right I forgot about that." I was about to talk but Frank pulled out a bottle of something and sprayed it at Alex. "Why! I didn't do anything!" I was so confused.

"You know why."

"Ugh. Can you cover for me or not?"

"Yeah, yeah, whatever." He waved her off and she smiled.

"Thank you! I'll be back in half an hour. Bye guys!" She jogged back to the register and I couldn't look away from her and that blonde again.

"Like I said…don't worry," Frank repeated.

"About what?"

"Kelly's cool. I've known her for like three or four years now. I think she'll be good for her." I couldn't even hide how much that hurt me. I'm not going to lie; I was a little offended. Wasn't that just some backwards way of telling me that I'm not good for her? I think he sensed how upset I was. "I'm not saying I don't want you guys to get back together. I just think that maybe you shouldn't be right now."

"How does that make any sense?" I asked and he just shrugged.

"I don't know. Give it time, I guess?" I hated hearing that from _everyone_. "Don't you want her to be happy?" His question caught me off guard and I tore my eyes away from him and brought them back to the two girls now exiting the store together. Something burned deep inside of my chest and into the pit of my stomach. It was the overwhelming and unsettling realization that Frank was right and that Alex just might be happier with someone else.

"Yeah…I guess," I said quietly, afraid my voice would break if I spoke at a normal volume.

"You guess?"

"Yeah. I mean, you're right. I only want her to be happy. She's been through more than enough shit and deserves to have something good in her life." And maybe I had to admit that that something wasn't me. I regret ever letting things get to where they are now. But no matter how much it hurt I knew I would put her happiness over my own or anything else. I love her too much to be that selfish.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Guys please help me out. Something's been bothering me about my story. I have been re-reading The Push And Pull entirely and. I know I separated them because they focus on two different things within the same overall story but I still want to keep that strong focus on their friendship like I did in TPAP, you know? Because that's what the whole thing was originally about and I think that's what some people liked about it.**

****I feel like I have lost something in this one that I had in that one. I don't know if it's just me but I am trying to get whatever it was back**.**

**I don't know, I could be wrong. But if anyone has any suggestions or anything to help me out-if you've followed since the beginning or not or if you review every chapter or even if you read and never review-please let me know in a PM (not a review). I'm not stuck for ideas because I know what I'm doing with this story. It's my writing. I'm just...lost. Maybe you guys know better than I do what this story needs.  
><strong>

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: You Could Be Happy by Snow Patrol  
><strong>


	19. Selfish

**A/N 1: Another fast update? You bet your fucking ass it is. I was gonna split this up into two parts but I wanted it all together. That being said, get ready for the longest chapter I have written for this story yet. Nothing much else to say. So, enjoy! **

**A/N 2: Also, special thank you to greatpretender27, Ad3n, PerhapsDL4SG, I'll think something better, pati1996, Rocky94, and Monsrans for offering advice or insight to my dilemma with my story and writing. I take everything into consideration and really appreciate it so again, thank you.**

**I think you guys are gonna like this one.  
><strong>

** So review and let me know what you think.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>19. Selfish<p>

_I'll be taking up your time  
>Until the day I make you realize<br>That for your there could be no one else  
>I just gotta have you for myself<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I want to say that the past few weeks have been torture knowing Alex has been seeing someone else but it surprisingly has been kind of…good. Don't get me wrong, I hated the fact that I was that much further away from getting her back and I honestly die a little on the inside just thinking about it. There is a silver lining, however…I guess, because over the past few weeks Alex and I have gotten a lot closer…friends-wise, _obviously_.

School has started and we had one class together and, like always, we had the same homeroom. Unfortunately that also meant that Brooke was in our homeroom as well. But as expected, she has grown bored with me and doesn't care enough to devote her life to making mine a living hell anymore. Well, she doesn't for the time being anyway. Who knows what the future holds for that bitch?

Back to Alex; things aren't awkward and don't feel like they're weird or forced. I was just really surprised that she actually forgave me and was willing to put it behind us. It was hard though to have to keep reminding myself that we were _just friends_. She was doing that enough for the both of us though if for some reason she thought I was overstepping the "friends" boundaries.

But other than that it's been great. We only see each other at school and those times I see her at work. I've never actually hung out with her alone, you know, just the two of us. I guess I understand where she's coming from but it's not like I don't know how to control myself. If she's with someone else I can respect that. I don't like it but I'll respect it.

Apparently though, she and that blonde girl, Kelly, aren't legitimately together which made me feel just a little bit better. I don't know if she doesn't want a relationship or she's just taking it slow but they are not _together_, together. They're just talking and hanging a lot. I don't know the full extent of their…relationship, but regardless I am standing by what I said. I want her to be happy, no matter who it's with.

We were currently sitting together at a random table in the cafeteria. Our friends were relieved to say the least that Alex and I could be around each other now. Now we didn't have to be split up when we hung out. It was nearing October which meant Vanessa's birthday was coming up and she was more than excited that we would all be together to celebrate; unlike Alex's birthday which had passed before she and I became friends again.

"So, party at Jim's again?" Eric asked the entire table, figuring we'd just stick with tradition. As Vanessa's boyfriend since freshman year, Jimmy always held a party for her at his house.

"Actually, I was kind of thinking of going out instead, just us. I don't really want like half the school showing up again." Jimmy grimaced a bit at the memory of his entire house flooded with people. We almost had the cops called on us but luckily the guys were able to kick most of the random people out.

"Where do you wanna go?" Lauren asked, knowing we were pretty limited considering we were only eighteen.

"If you don't mind going to the city I know a place we can all get into. They don't card ever and even if they do they don't care if it's a fake or if you're underage as long as you're eighteen," Frank spoke up grabbing everyone's attention. We were all a little skeptical because even though Frank knows about good places to go the last one he suggested was the sketchiest place on the planet.

"I'm not gonna get snuffed at the bar for no reason again, am I?" Eric asked, remembering the black eye he ended up with because some guy was drunk and thought he was hitting on his girlfriend.

"Uhhh…_probably_ not. I've been to this place before though, it's pretty chill." Since her birthday was this weekend and we didn't really have much time to plan or discuss many options we all agreed to just trust Frank. That could be regrettable but whatever. We'll deal with that later if we need to.

"Sounds good to me, if everyone else wants to go to the city." Everyone nodded or mumbled words of agreement.

"Yeah, it doesn't matter. It's your birthday, whatever you want," Alex told her, knowing we would end up there either way. I wasn't too fond of Manhattan but I always went along with everyone whenever they wanted to go. It was annoying and crowded and public transportation was always a nightmare.

We all decided that we would go out tomorrow night, Friday, that way it would actually be her birthday and we would all meet up at the train station and go together. Despite going to the city, I was actually excited for it. It was an opportunity to see Alex somewhere else for once. I doubt a change of scenery will make a difference in our…status…but I was still looking forward to it.

And the next day rolled around faster than I thought it would. I was in my second to last period class, the class I had with Alex. It was calculus so naturally she wasn't paying any attention to it. I was really good at math so not paying attention wouldn't do much to me. That's why I didn't care about the lesson when Alex started talking to me.

"What time is our train tonight, anyway?" she asked, glancing up at the blackboard briefly before scribbling something down.

"9:30. At least that's what Eric told me."

"Is he driving you?"

"Yeah, how are you getting there? Are you leaving your car at the train station?"

"No. I don't wanna worry about my car if I'm gonna be drinking so Kelly's gonna drive me." That was another thing; Kelly was coming with us. She knows Alex and Frank and apparently Vanessa too so everyone was up for bringing another person. I wasn't exactly thrilled about it but ever since we started talking again I have been trying to be supportive rather than bitter about all of this.

"She's not drinking?"

"Not really, well…not a lot anyway." I nodded, deciding not to push it any further. I might come off as comfortable listening to her talk about the girl but there was only so much I could hear before I started getting…well, depressed. "I mean, if I think she can't drive I'm obviously not going to go with her."

"Yeah, same with Eric." The teacher shushed us and then went back to the lesson. "So uh…how are things with you and Kelly?" I asked, hopefully not as awkwardly as it felt. I think she thought it was odd how _okay_ I seemed with her being with another girl, especially when she knows that I still love her. It was weirder for me because she told me that she still loves me too…but apparently that's _not enough_.

"It's going good…" she trailed off and I was glad I was starting to perfect the art of hiding how upset it made me. "It's not like it's anything serious though," she finished and I swear my heart almost stopped. Did she add that at the end just for the sake of my sanity or because it's true? And if it's true…why aren't they serious?

"Really?"

"Yeah, like, I like her but we both agreed to not rush into anything." Even though I could tell she was holding back, I know she was happy now. And that is the only reason I am okay with this. "But anyway," she continued as the bell rang, wanting to change the subject. "I'll see you tonight, Mitch." I stood up to leave too before saying a quick goodbye and heading out of the classroom.

The rest of the day passed on without anything particularly exciting going on so it was no surprise to me that nighttime rolled around a lot faster than I had anticipated. I was in the car with Eric pulling up to the parking lot behind the station where we spotted most of our friends. The only two people missing were Alex and Kelly.

"There you guys are. The train is gonna be here any minute. Have either of you heard from Alex?" Frank asked, and Eric and I just shrugged.

"I don't know. Before she said she was leaving her house so she should be here soon." As soon as I said that a black Jeep drove past us and parked in the spot next to Eric's Honda. The doors opened on both sides and sure enough, there they were. "Or right now."

"Fucking finally!" Frank shouted as the two approached us. "What took you so long?"

"Sorry, I just…had a fight with my mom before I left," she said as casually as she possibly could but I knew what she meant by it. No one would think anything of a teenage girl fighting with her mom but I felt a pain in my chest at her words. Our eyes locked and she looked at me, silently telling me not to worry.

"Well come on we still need to get our tickets for the train before it comes." We all bought our tickets and waited on a nearby bench. After Kelly was introduced to the whole gang I pulled Alex to the side so no one could overhear.

"Hey, is everything okay?" I asked, beyond concerned for the girl in front of me. She knew what I was talking about. She sighed and nodded her head. Her mother beat the shit out of _me_ one time I doubt she would lie and hide things from me about her now.

"Yeah, it wasn't that bad." I still looked at her, a little unconvinced but she put a hand on my shoulder and it sort of calmed me a bit. Her touch always does.

"Alex…"

"It wasn't."

"Did she hit you?" I asked bluntly yet very quietly. She nodded and unbuttoned her coat to lift her shirt a little above her right hip. The slightly red skin caught my eye immediately but she was right. It didn't look too bad. I've seen worse bruises on her body before and I hope that I will never have to see them again.

"See…I promise I'm fine," she assured me before fixing her shirt and buttoning her coat again.

"Guys! Train's here!" Jimmy shouted making us finally pay attention to everyone else. We headed back to the rest of our friends and entered the train together. We found a row of seats across the train right next to each other. Eric sat next to the window and I sat next to him and across from us were Jimmy and Vanessa. The seats were in groups of four, two seats on each side facing each other. Across from our seats on the other side was Alex and Kelly was next to the window. Frank was across from her and Lauren was on his right.

"Do you know what subway we're taking once we get to Penn?" I asked, secretly dreading the trip to the massive train station. Penn Station was a fucking zoo.

"Yeah don't worry, the subway will take us downtown and we can walk the rest of the way."

"We're going downtown? Are you sure you know where you're going?"

"Yes _mom_ I told you I've been here before. It's really easy to find." I nodded and leaned back in my seat, crossing my legs as best as I can with the limited room. To my right, Alex and Kelly were chatting away with Frank and Lauren. I have only spoken to her a couple of times but I couldn't deny that Kelly really was a cool girl. I was just happy that Alex found someone who is genuinely nice and won't do anything to hurt her…hopefully.

The train ride only took about half an hour and we arrived in Manhattan in no time. We all got our metro cards and didn't have to wait too long for the subway to get here. When we emerged from underground I didn't recognize where we were. I've been to the city multiple times but I was very unfamiliar with downtown.

"Where _are_ we?" Everyone seemed to share the same confusion as I did.

"Are we by SoHo or something?" Alex asked, looking around at the street names. Leave it to Frank to bring us somewhere where we were almost guaranteed to get lost.

"Kind of, we're close by though. This is technically Ludlow but we still gotta walk." I rolled my eyes as we started our journey in downtown Manhattan. It wasn't too bad of a walk. It didn't take longer than ten minutes before we arrived at a semi-crowded bar. Despite the area, it didn't look like a bad place. We all got in without any problems and we immediately all went to the bar to start drinking.

"Alright, first things first, birthday shots," Jimmy said and we all agreed knowing he was going to be the one buying it. He ordered a couple rounds of patron shots for everyone before we all started chipping in, minus Vanessa because it was her birthday. After a while we stopped with the liquor and switched to beer to slow down a bit. Loud music was playing as more and more people piled into the middle of the room to dance. Jimmy and Vanessa were the first to take off and some guy pulled Lauren away from us to dance as well. Frank was talking to some random people at the bar next us when Alex went up to him.

"You staying here?" she asked him, knowing he almost never dances.

"Yeah, why?"

"Can you hold my shit for me?" Instead of starting a pointless insult match or saying something about how he's not her slave he just nodded. She took off her coat and handed it to him along with the rest of her things she didn't feel like carrying. "Thank you." She kissed his cheek quickly before Kelly grabbed her hand and pulled her to join the rest of the people dancing. As much as I didn't want to, I couldn't help but watch them. It was like watching a car crash and I couldn't look away.

"Stop torturing yourself, Mitch." Eric's voice pulled my attention away from them but not my eyes. I don't even think I was blinking. It was like I was hypnotized by a nightmare in front of me.

"I'm not."

"Liar. Seriously Mitch, blink," he yelled and snapped his finger in front of my face loudly. I shut my eyes and shook my head, finally coming out of my trance.

"Sorry I just…I can't help it. And it would help if Kelly wasn't so…so…"

"Nice?" he asked, finishing my thought for me as I took another sip from my beer bottle.

"Yes! I mean, I'm glad that she is but I kind of wanted to not like her. But I can't find anything wrong with her! The only bad thing about her that I can think of so far is that she smokes cigarettes and even that isn't really a bad thing."

"I know. And I know it sucks for you but you wanted her to be happy right?" I nodded. "Well, she looks happy to me." I looked back over to them. They were dancing _extremely_ close to each other and looked like they were about to make out at any second. I didn't want to be there to watch when they did so I turned back to Eric.

"I know."

"Hey, if anything, you could always try hooking up with someone else again," he suggested and I stared at him blankly, silently telling him to shut up. "I'm kidding!"

"That was the worst idea you've ever had."

"Something tells me you only like guys when you're drunk," he joked and I hit him in the shoulder.

"Asshole."

"What! You hooked up with me, you hooked up with that guy at Jim's, and you hooked up with Za-" I shot him a hard glare and he stopped talking. "Um…sorry."

"Whatever. I guess I just don't care if it doesn't mean anything." He put his hand to his chest and a hurt expression took over his face.

"Ouch. Mitchie, I am offended." I laughed and hit him in the shoulder again.

"Shut up, loser."

"_Whatever_ just try not to turn tonight into an episode of Mitchie Gone Wild…don't hit me again," he added with his hands up.

"I make no promises."

"Oh man, we need to get you more alcohol." He laughed and turned back to the bar and asked the bartended for two more bottles. He handed me one and we continued drinking. I was already feeling drunk, we all were, but I figured there was no harm in drinking a little more.

"Are you trying to get me wasted, Eric?" I teased and he nodded his head without a second thought.

"Booze makes you straight. This is my only chance!" he yelled dramatically over the music blaring through the room. If he was any other guy I wouldn't know that he wasn't being serious and I'm glad that we can joke about this now.

"You're such an idiot!" He was about to say something back but a guy, maybe in his early twenties, came up to me and asked me if I wanted to dance. I looked between him and Eric and Eric nodded and motioned for me to go with him. He seemed attractive and I figured why the hell not? I let him take my hand and pull me to the crowd of people.

I didn't recognize the song playing but the beat was easy to move to. A couple songs passed and we moved closer and closer. His hands were on my waist pulling me into him. He smelled like he was just as drunk as I am. We barely spoke to each other but I did talk to him enough to know that his name was Ryan, or Brian…it's too loud in here to hear correctly, and he was twenty and from Long Island. That's about all we discussed and the rest of the time we spent together was spent dancing.

At some point during one song I looked at my surroundings and at all the people nearby. Not too far from here I caught a glimpse of Alex and Kelly kissing and that was all it took for me to break away from Ryan.

"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, noticing the abrupt change in my mood. I shook my head.

"Nothing, I just…sorry…"

"It's alright, don't apologize," he said not getting why I would say sorry for stopping him. It was weird how a complete stranger at a random bar was nicer to me in this situation than some jackass kid from my own school. I wasn't used to someone being okay with me not wanting to do anything with them, as weird as that sounds.

"Hey Mitch!" I heard Eric's voice shout over the music. He was dancing with some girl before but now he was walking up to me. He pushed past a few people before he finally reached us. "Come dance with me," he offered before looking at the guy I was with and then back at me. Ryan looked at us both as well and shrugged, not really caring if I left him. I thanked God I met someone who wouldn't be a douche bag about it. He said a quick goodbye to me, thanking me for dancing with him and Eric took me by the hand as another song started playing.

"Thanks," I said, glad I didn't have to deal with another guy hitting on me. Dancing was fine and fun but when they start trying to make a move I needed to get out.

"No problem, and I figured you were torturing yourself again so I thought I would drag you away from them." Ugh, he knew me so well.

"I didn't even mean to see that it just happened."

"Just stop paying attention to them." He grabbed me by the hips as we moved to the music.

"I know!"

"You're gonna be fine. Now…less talking, more dancing!" He joked and started grinding into me. I laughed but our bodies were pressed up against each other.

"I swear to God if you try to kiss me I'll break a beer bottle over your head," I threatened but was still smiling. He spun me around so that my back was against his front and one of his hands was on my stomach.

"Trust me, I know better than to try that. Now come on, shake your ass girl," he ordered and I turned back around and hit him in his chest. It was a refreshing change from him always trying to get with me, knowing this meant absolutely nothing to either of us. We could dance and talk to each other like this and still laugh about it.

The night went on like that; joking around and drinking and dancing and lot more drinking. We were all pretty shitfaced and this place was still packed. There were some sketchy people in here as the hour grew later. I checked my watch and saw that it was already almost two in the morning.

"Shit, guys what time is our train?" I asked hoping someone heard me.

"Oh fuck in like half an hour. We need to go or we won't get home for hours," Jimmy said and we all agreed to leave right now. It was me, Lauren, Jimmy, Frank, and Vanessa. Eric was with the same girl from before and Alex and Kelly were somewhere in the crowd again as well.

"I'll go find the others you guys get a cab; there's no way in hell we'll make it in time if we took the subway," I offered and they nodded and headed towards the exit. I maneuvered my way through a bunch of people, some of which tried to get me to stay and dance with them but I kept walking. I spotted Alex and Kelly and thankfully they weren't making out. "Hey guys, I need to go find Eric but we're leaving now." They nodded and I walked away in search of our last friend.

When I found him he was dancing with a new girl and he spotted me behind a few people in front of him and I motioned with my hand for him to come. He understood that we were leaving and left the girl to follow me out of the bar. We walked outside and the fresh and cold air felt amazing after being in the crowded room. There were two cabs waiting.

"Is everyone here?" Jimmy asked as we started piling into the cars. Jimmy, Vanessa, and Lauren were getting into one taxi while Frank, Eric, and Kelly were going into the other. I went into the one Vanessa was in and Jimmy instructed the driver to take us to Penn Station. The other cab already started pulling away from the curb. Realization struck and I immediately shouted for the man to not start driving.

Everyone looked at me like I was crazy. I mumbled something about Alex as I opened the car door and bolted out of it and back into the bar. I scanned the room but saw no sign of her. I kept looking though. There were so many people in here. I squeezed through a few people and finally spotted her on the other side of the room, trying to get to the exit.

"Alex!" I shouted, hoping she could hear me over the music and people talking. I kept moving forward as she tried moving past a few guys. One of them stopped her and tried to talk to her but she refused and tried walking away. I finally reached her and I grabbed her by the arm so I wouldn't lose her but I think I scared her because she jerked her arm away. When she turned around and saw that it was just me she visibly relaxed, a look of relief taking over.

"Oh Mitch it's you, thank God," she said and pulled me into a quick hug. "Where the hell is everyone?"

"I told you we're all leaving. What are you still doing here?"

"I don't know! We were trying to find everyone but couldn't and then all of a sudden people were just pushing and moving around and then I just lost everyone. I didn't know if you guys went outside or not. Frank still has my stuff so I can't even call anyone," she explained, exasperated.

"I figured you got stuck in here when I saw you didn't get in the other cab. Now come on or we're gonna miss the train." She nodded and we started making our way out of the bar. I made sure to keep a close eye on her so that we don't get separated. Everyone in here was completely drunk, including us, making it that much harder to cross the room; it was way too crowded. We were being pushed and shoved and Alex even tripped a few times. I walked closer to her and wrapped my arm securely around her waist.

"What are you doing?" she asked me weirdly but we didn't have time for the "just friends" talk right now. I wasn't touching her to touch her; I just wanted to make sure she got out of here safely.

"Just keep walking," I told her and pulled her along with me through the massive crowd. I eventually loosened my hold on her until my hand was just barely on her back guiding her to the exit. I let her go completely once we stepped outside and she breathed in deeply, enjoying the night air.

"Ugh, finally! Thanks, Mitch." My phone vibrated in my pocket and I quickly pulled it out seeing a new text.

_Text Message From: Eric_

_Is Alex with you?_

_Text Message To: Eric_

_Yeah she's here, don't worry_

_Text Message From: Eric_

_Oh alright, good. We'll meet you guys at Penn then_

"Don't thank me just yet," I said holding in the groan of annoyance I so badly wanted to let out.

"Why?" she asked curiously as I looked around the street also filled with a bunch of people.

"They left us here."

"What!"

"I guess Jimmy thought I was with you but he thought you were in the other cab and Eric thinks you're with me but he thinks I'm in the other cab. So they both left already."

"Are you fucking kidding me?" she whined and I shook my head which was starting to hurt from all the alcohol. I looked at Alex and noticed that she was also very drunk, perhaps more than I was. "Well fuck, what are we supposed to do now?"

"We need to get a cab or we'll never make it in time. Come on," I said and grabbed her by the hand and pulled her down the sidewalk.

"Mitchie." Her voice was a weird combination of seriousness and amusement.

"What?"

"Stop trying to hold my hand," she said half-sternly and half-jokingly. "We're just friends, remember?" I rolled my eyes.

"Trust me, I remember. I'm just trying to make sure you don't fall and die before we even get a cab." She scoffed and stopped walking.

"I can walk without falling."

"You tripped like five times since I found you but fine, if you're so sure…" I let go of her hand and she almost immediately tripped over a crack in the sidewalk. I looked at her and tried to hold in my laughter.

"That didn't count," she slurred and we continued walking, all while trying to hail a taxi. Not even a minute later she bumped her shoulder into a random person on the street and almost fell. I caught her arm and steadied her and couldn't stop myself from laughing this time. "Alright, alright, I can't walk," she finally admitted, laughing with me. "Please let's just get a cab."

"All these cabs already have people in it."

"Can't we just take the subway?"

"It'll take too long and I wouldn't even know where to go if I was sober. Downtown is so much harder to walk through than midtown. All the streets are names instead of numbers; you can never tell which way you're going." We continued trying and trying and finally someone stopped for us. We thanked the man for picking us up.

"No problem," he said in a thick accent that I was assuming was Russian or maybe some type of Eastern European. "Where you going?" He pulled away from the curb and started driving.

"Penn Station but like…can you drive really fast? We're trying to catch a train," I told him, not liking the traffic on the road.

"Too many cars on road, miss."

"Okay…but can you like…drive faster?" I asked again and he didn't even respond. He definitely knew we were drunk. I decided to not push it and we eventually turned onto a less crowded road. I looked over to my left and noticed Alex was nodding off. "Hey, don't sleep we're gonna get out soon." I nudged her in her shoulder and she opened her eyes fully.

"But I'm so fucking tired," she complained and rested her head against the window. We hit a bump in the road causing her head to pull away and then smash right back into it. It wasn't that hard but it happened a couple more times before she got annoyed. "Ow what the hell, are we off-roading now?" she whined and shifted around and laid her head on me instead.

"Oh what happened to just friends?" I teased jokingly and she punched me in my thigh and let out a small chuckle.

"Shut up my skull was going to crack open." We stayed like that the rest of the car ride which didn't last _too_ long. Even though she was just drunk and tired I was freaking out on the inside. I missed having her this close to me. The car stopped outside of Madison Square Garden and thankfully Alex managed to stay awake so I didn't have to wake her. I pulled out fifteen dollars and handed it to the man in the driver's seat, thanking him multiple times. "Where are we?" Alex asked in a daze.

"We're here come on," I said while opening the door and helping her out of the cab.

"Wait how much was it?" she asked, referring to the taxi.

"Don't worry about it we need to go." We couldn't waste any more time than we already have. I checked my phone and saw more texts from everyone asking where I was. I only sent one text back saying to tell everyone that I was with Alex and we were finally at Penn. I checked the time and groaned when I saw that it was 2:43. We missed the train. Eric told me that they already left on the 2:30 train and I looked up at the railroad schedule. "Fuck."

"What happened?"

"They're already on their way home and the next train isn't for another hour." She blinked a couple times and then sighed. She didn't look that disappointed.

"Oh, alright…so can I take a nap now?" she asked and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"_Where_?"

"I don't knowwwww. What are we gonna do for an hour?" I looked around and there was really nothing to do in this place besides one thing; eat.

"Are you hungry?" She thought for a second before nodding her head quickly. Typical.

"Oh my God yes!" she nearly shouted and grabbed my hand dragging me in the direction of the nearest fast food place, McDonald's. I laughed at her newfound enthusiasm and allowed her to pull me along this time. It wasn't that crowded in here and I was beyond relieved. The last thing we needed was more people in our way. When we almost made it to the front of the line I looked at her.

"What do you want?" I asked, knowing she would be terrible at giving her order in her condition.

"McGangBang," she said seriously and I just looked at her like she had lost her mind. How drunk was she?

"Uhh…okay…do you want a McAssRape to go with it?" I asked sarcastically and she bursted out laughing before abruptly stopping and suddenly looking serious again.

"Wait, they have that?" She sounded genuinely curious and I shook my head.

"No that was a joke Alex. I'm pretty sure none of those are on the menu."

"No, no, I swear, it's so awesome. Frank showed it to me. Just get a McChicken and a double cheeseburger off the dollar menu." I kept staring at her weirdly but eventually shrugged and went along with it.

"Alright, just grab a table before someone else does and I'll bring everything," I told her but she didn't move.

"No why are you paying for everything tonight?" she asked and I decided to just humor her rather than argue.

"Okay Alex I'll tell you what; if you can find your money then I'll let you pay." I watched as she searched herself for about three seconds before she shut her eyes and smacked her forehead.

"Damn it Frank still has all my shit," she laughed and put her head against me again. "Fine, you can pay. _But_…" she said as she pulled away and headed for the last empty table. "Next time it's on me." She smiled and sat down as the cashier asked me what I wanted to order. I waited probably about two minutes before the food was handed to me and I went to the table Alex was sitting at.

"Here you go." Her eyes brightened at the sight of the food and she reached for the two sandwiches and unwrapped them. She took the top bun off of the McChicken and the bottom bun off of the double cheeseburger and then stacked them on top of each other. I just looked at her in wonder. "What…the hell?"

"Try it," she offered, holding the odd sandwich up to me.

"Hell no. That thing's like a heart attack on a bun."

"Come on!"

"No! My arteries are clogging just looking at it," I told her as she bit into it.

"You don't know what you're missing, Mitch. This is the greatest thing to get when you have the drunk munchies."

"I think I'll survive. And here, I got you a strawberry milkshake." I pushed it towards her and her smile grew like twice its size. I loved knowing I was finally the cause of her happiness again rather than her pain.

"You're the best!" she said with her mouth full and my heart warmed upon hearing her tell me that. She may be drunk but I don't care; I'll take it. As we continued eating and talking I couldn't help but notice that this was the first real alone time we have had in _months_ and I was enjoying every minute of it. I checked my watch and saw that it was 3:15.

"We should head to the track…wait…do you need to get another ticket?" She felt around her jeans and her pockets before retrieving a small piece of paper.

"Nope, I got it right here. Let's go before we end up sleeping in this freakin' train station overnight." I agreed and we went downstairs to the track our train was arriving on. We boarded it and quickly grabbed two seats together before all the seats were taken. After another minute or so we felt the train start to move and I started feeling exhausted. Alex looked the same.

"Hey, you can sleep for a bit if you want. I'll wake you up when we're there," I told her and she let out a yawn.

"Are you sure?" she asked and I studied her a bit. She was drunk but I'm sure sleeping for a while wouldn't hurt.

"Yeah, don't worry. We won't get there for like half an hour anyway." She smiled and looked out the window before looking at my arm and resting her head on it like she did in the taxi. I laughed quietly.

"Shut up I just don't want to break my head again; you're softer than a window," she mumbled tiredly with a laugh of her own and shifted to make herself more comfortable. It didn't take her long to doze off. I on the other hand just sat there and looked down at her. Her chest was rising and falling as she slept peacefully on my shoulder. It was an absolutely beautiful sight.

If I wasn't so sure, and constantly reminded of, the fact that we were just friends it would feel like we were together again. This whole night felt like it, well, the end of it anyway. I know she's happy with how things are between us and whatever she is with Kelly but I can't help but feel like this is how it's supposed to be, like she's supposed to be with me. I want her to be happy but…I want _her_.

Not long after I found myself drifting to sleep as well. I tried to fight it but my eyelids were getting heavier and heavier. The alcohol I had tonight was sinking in quickly. I was so drained and I knocked out before I knew it.

When I opened my eyes I found that I was sleeping on something. I looked down and saw Alex still fast asleep on my shoulder and smiled to myself. I lifted my head off of hers and rubbed my eyes to wake up more. I glanced towards the front of the train and saw the sign telling the passengers what stop was next, which just happened to be ours.

"Lex, wake up," I whispered before tapping her on the leg. She stirred a bit before opening her eyes but she stayed where she was.

"Hmm?"

"We're almost there; you gotta get up." She didn't argue and peeled herself off of me. I was a little disappointed at the loss but we were going to get up in a minute or two anyway. The train came to a full stop and I stood up from my seat, my back and neck cracking and making all kinds of weird noises in the process. She still seemed out of it so I held my hand out, silently offering it for her to take. She grabbed it and held onto me firmly to steady herself before we exited the train. "Oh crap."

"What?"

"I think we're walking home. No buses run at this hour and it's nearly four in the morning." She groaned loudly.

"Well at least we live right by each other so we won't have to walk alone." She had a good point. That eased my nerves a bit but I was still so God damn exhausted and our houses are like almost five miles from here.

"True, let's just go before the fucking sun comes up." We started walking side by side but of course she tripped again. Before I could even laugh at her she grabbed my arm to keep her balance.

"Don't you dare say anything," she warned but I could hear the smile in her own voice.

"I wasn't gonna." She kept her hand wrapped around my arm, walking next to me extremely close. I wouldn't normally think anything of it but it was kind of odd. I didn't mind of course, but she was so clear on this 'just friends' thing but she keeps getting closer and closer. Her body was practically pressed into mine. "You okay?" I asked, unsure of what to make of her behavior.

"Yeah," she said but her words were soon followed by a shiver as a cold breeze blew past us. I brought my other hand around to feel her arm and it was like touching ice.

"Jesus Alex you're freezing." Without really thinking I took my leather jacket off and handed it to her. She shook her head and refused to take it. "Please?" I all but begged. I didn't want her to get sick; she was only in a short sleeved shirt since Frank still had her coat.

"No, then you're gonna be cold," she tried to argue but I insisted.

"I actually have sleeves and besides the cold doesn't bother me," I half lied and she stared at the jacket for a moment or two before finally giving in and taking it from me. It was colder than usual for this time of the month but I would bear it for her.

"Thank you." She had a small smile on her face as she slipped her arms through the sleeves and wrapped her hand back around my arm. Not only did I enjoy the closeness again but it also provided me with the slightest amount of warmth.

"Anytime." After walking about a block I came to the conclusion that I was actually so fucking cold right now. But it didn't matter; I would rather suffer the cold myself than let her freeze.

"How much further?" she asked apparently not knowing where we were.

"Um…I'm not sure. We probably won't be home until like…five."

"Please tell me that's a joke." I shook my head letting her know that I was being one hundred percent serious. It was already past four and at the pace we're walking it'll take us forever to get home. "I'm going to be dead at work tomorrow."

"I'm sorry," I said even though I wasn't sure what I was apologizing for. I guess I just felt bad for her.

"Don't be, it's not like it's your fault. I mean, this _is_ kind of typical."

"What do you mean?"

"This _would_ happen to only us."

"That's because when we're drunk we're pretty much two halves of a whole retard. Well…you're more like three quarters and I'm just one," I teased and she slapped me in the arm. It hurt a lot worse since it was so cold out. "Ow! I'm kidding! I'm just glad I got stuck with happy-drunk Alex instead of emotional-drunk Alex." It was the truth; her moods were always unpredictable when she got drunk. I didn't know if being stuck with me for the night was going to make her upset or not. I'm glad she's still in a good mood.

"Yeah well I'm glad I got stuck with happy-drunk Mitchie instead of _violent_-drunk Mitchie," she threw back at me but I couldn't help but laugh and shake my head.

"I'm not always like that when I drink; only when someone is pissing me off."

"Well it's a good thing I'm not pissing you off then. I've seen what you can do and I don't want you to beat me up." I looked down at her but she was focused on the ground beneath her so that she wouldn't fall again.

"You don't have to worry about that. I'll never hurt you," I told her honestly and she brought her eyes to look up at mine. I don't know if she could sense the double meaning in my words but she didn't say anything. She looked back ahead and held my arm a little tighter to her. After a few more blocks I heard her chuckle lowly to herself out of nowhere. "What's so funny?" I asked wondering what brought on her sudden laughter.

"Nothing…it's just…I came out with Kelly tonight and…I can't believe I ended up with you instead," she finished and I scoffed.

"Well gee thanks," I said sarcastically, slightly pulling away from her but she laughed again and pulled me back.

"No, no I didn't mean it like that. I'm not disappointed."

"You're not?"

"No. Are you?" She's smiling and laughing and sleeping on my shoulder and clinging to my arm all night; oh yeah I'm real fucking disappointed.

"Not at all." She flashed a bright smile in my direction and I returned it immediately. God, I could look at that smile for _days_. I don't know if this night is only going so well because we're drunk but I don't want it to end. "We should do this again," I suggested.

"Do what? Get drunk and lost at ungodly hours in the freezing cold?" she joked and I rolled my eyes even though she couldn't see it.

"No, dork, I meant _this_; just hanging out together." This time she pulled away from me a bit and looked at me with an expression I couldn't really read, even if I wasn't drunk.

"Mitchie…"she started but I knew where she was going to go with this.

"I just miss you."

"We're just-"

"I _know_; we're _just friends_. And I miss being your _friend_."

"We are friends."

"I meant like before; before all the drama, before we were even together. I just miss you, Alex." She kept her eyes on me but her looks soon softened and she let out a sigh.

"I know; I miss you too." This whole 'just friends' thing was _killing_ me. But regardless I am going to keep at it if it means I get to have her in my life. And who knows? Maybe we can find our way back to the way we used to be before love and life got in the way. She reached for me again and we continued walking. It was nearing five o'clock and I'm surprised we were both still standing. I noticed the familiar park and I was so relieved because I thought I was going to collapse.

"Thank God, we're almost there." She looked at our surroundings and our location finally sunk in and she realized we were only a couple blocks from our homes. But for some reason she didn't look relieved; she looked…nervous?

"Yeah…" she said quietly, almost hesitantly and it worried me a bit.

"What's wrong?" We reached the street where normally we would part and go our separate ways to our own houses but she just stopped walking.

"It's just…before I went out my mom was really mad at me and…I don't know if she still is," she said, the slightest hint of fear evident in her voice. I picked up on it instantly though. I don't know if she'll go for it but I had to at least try.

"So then just come to my house," I offered, _praying_ she would say yes. Not only did I not want to leave her but I wanted her to be safe. When we broke up and she moved out I ruined the only place she had to go to get away from her mother. I wanted her to feel like she can still use my house as a safe place if she needed it. I wanted my house to be like a refuge to her again.

"I…I don't know, Mitch…" I didn't know if she was hesitant because she was afraid of how her mom would be the next time she saw her or if she just didn't want to sleep over my house again.

"Come on, you know you can always come over if you need to." She thought it over a while longer. "Please?"

"Are you sure?" I nodded my head and a small, almost shy smile formed on her face. "Okay. Thank you."

"No problem, now come on; the streets being this dead creeps me out." She agreed and we finished our short walk to my apartment. I looked up at my window and then at the front door. It wasn't a tough debate.

"We're not climbing the fire escape, are we?" she asked, dreading the journey upstairs.

"Hell no. At this hour my parents are knocked out; we could just go in through the front without waking them."

"Good; I don't think I can make it up that thing." I unlocked the front door to the small lobby and immediately wanted to scream in pure annoyance and misery.

"God fucking damn it," I muttered, trying to remain calm.

"What is it?"

"The elevator isn't working. We have to take the stairs," I informed her and she sat on the steps and whined a little too loudly. I clamped my hand over her mouth. "Shh! I _do_ have neighbors, you know. Let's just get this over with." I held out my hand to help her stand back up but she wouldn't move.

"I can't. I can't do it. I can't move, Mitch. I'm so tired. We've been walking for_ever_."

"Well we can't just sleep here."

"The only way I'd ever make it up those steps is if someone either carried me or dragged me up them." I sighed and walked around in front of her.

"Alright then, get on." My legs and feet ached in anticipation for what I was about to do but I am hopelessly in love and would do anything for this girl. That and it was almost sunrise and I wanted to go the fuck to bed.

"Mitchie I wasn't being serious." _Sure _you weren't_._

"How else are you gonna get up the stairs then?"

"But-"

"Lex, the faster you hop on the faster we can get upstairs and sleep." At that she complied, albeit a little reluctantly. I bent my knees and lowered myself a bit so she wouldn't have to jump much to get on. She wrapped her arms loosely around my neck and her legs barely clung to my waist as I held her by her thighs. Getting back up to a regular standing position was absolute torture but I kept myself from shaking and wobbling.

"You're seriously the best," she gushed as I carried us both up the stairs and I cursed my parents for getting an apartment on the fourth fucking floor. "Jesus this is like the never ending stairs in Super Mario." Yeah, try having to carry another person up them. "But hey look on the bright side; this is probably great cardio." I couldn't stop myself from laughing though and I almost tripped.

"Oh my God don't make me laugh or we're both gonna fall and plummet to our death." She giggled quietly by my head and the sound was like music to my ears.

"I'm sorry, I'll shut up." I was tired and drunk and cold and I thought I was going to pass out and die at any given moment but I powered through it. We eventually made it to my door and I released her as her feet touched the ground. I stared at the lock for a second and dug my hand in my pocket.

"Oh fuck me," I complained louder than necessary. "Where the _fuck_ did my keys go?" This could not be happening. I felt my pockets again but they were still empty. Alex moved closer to me and all of a sudden I felt her hand on my ass. "Uh, Alex…why are you feeling me up?" I asked more amused than confused and she pulled away, hitting my arm.

"You put your keys in your back pocket after you opened the front door downstairs." She held up my keys in her hands and I took them from her.

"_Sure_…" I unlocked the door quietly and let us both in. "Or did you really just want to grab my ass?" I joked quietly as we walked through the dark house. I heard her laugh behind me before I opened the door to my bedroom and turned the light on. I winced before adjusting to the brightness. I've never been so happy to be in my room in my entire life. "You can take my bed," I told her before opening my drawer and digging through it to find something to change into for the both of us.

"Where are you gonna sleep?" I grabbed two pairs of sweatpants, one dark blue and one black, and two random shirts. I tossed her a set and she took my jacket off.

"I don't know…" This was the first time she's slept here since June. We were friends again but I didn't know how this was gonna go now. "The guest room, the couch, the floor; what would you deem appropriate for your _friend_?" I asked jokingly with a quirked eyebrow in her direction.

"I'm not going to make you sleep somewhere else, Mitch. And for the record, we _have_ slept in the same bed when we were only friends." We started changing into our more comfortable clothes but I turned the other way. I could care less if she looked at me, in fact I would be thrilled if she did, but I cannot look at her. I can't watch her undress and still tell myself that I can't do _anything_. When I was fully clothed again I turned back around and thankfully she was dressed too. But she looked a little…off, sick even.

"Hey, are you okay?" She shut her eyes tightly before reopening them and staring at me with a dazed and drunk look on her face.

"Mhm," she mumbled unconvincingly and I put my hand on her shoulder gently.

"Are you sure?" She didn't say anything and just held onto her stomach and breathed deeply. "Do you think you're gonna throw up?" I couldn't tell if she was nodding or just trying to steady herself and clear her head.

"Um…I…I think…" She doubled over ever so slightly and opened her mouth. I grimaced before she burped for probably about five whole seconds, which is pretty long when you think about it. She coughed once and then smiled seemingly surprised and a bit pleased with herself. "Oh, false alarm."

"Christ Alex that was loud…but that _was_ impressive."

"I actually feel a lot better now."

"Thank God because I was _so_ not up for cleaning your puke again."

"I knowwww I just wanna sleep," she groaned and hopped onto my bed, burying her face in one of my pillows. I closed the door and shut the light and crawled in next to her. I kept my distance though. I wouldn't want her to think I was trying to snuggle with her or something… "It feels weird being back here," she said quietly as she rolled onto her side and faced me.

"Good weird or bad weird?" I asked a little hesitantly. _Please_ say good weird.

"Good weird." Thank you, God. I looked into her eyes and then to her lips and felt an overwhelming mixture of emotions fill my entire body. I don't think I can do this. But…I _have_ to, for the sake of our friendship. Our friendship meant everything to me and I would do anything to get it back and to _keep_ it. Our relationship was too complicated and it got in the way of something special that we already had. I looked back into her eyes; I hadn't realized how close we actually were. Temptation is _such_ an absolute bitch right now. She smiled at me and pressed her finger to my lips. "Behave yourself, Michelle," she said playfully and I rolled my eyes and chuckled quietly.

"I wasn't gonna try anything." I turned over and faced away from her. "But _for the record_, we _have_ made out when we were only friends," I quipped cheekily but I didn't hear her laugh.

"You have a point," she said and I froze. I couldn't have heard that correctly. I turned back over again only to be met with Alex's face literally an inch away from mine. I flinched in surprise, not expecting her to be so close.

"Jesus!" _Now_ I heard her laughing. "Why are you so close?"

"I didn't realize how close to the edge I was. I was about to fall over." Of course.

"You know you're the one who keeps saying were just friends yet here you are practically on top of me. Make up your mind woman," I joked and she smacked me on my arm. "You're sending me mixed signals here."

"No I'm not!"

"Stop trying to spoon me, Alex." She buried her face in the pillow again as she shook with laughter.

"Oh my God…"

"Well if you're done making your moves I would like to go to sleep now." She lifted her head up to look at me.

"_Goodnight_ _Mitchie_," she said firmly while trying to keep a straight face before turning over on her side.

"More like good morning," I mumbled tiredly before I couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. The night wore me out completely.

* * *

><p>I woke up way too soon because I was still tired. I looked at my phone and it told me that it was almost 8:30 in the morning. We probably only slept like three hours, <em>maybe<em>. I looked down and nearly had a heart attack when I saw Alex pressed up against me and my arm around her waist. What in the…how the _fuck_ did this end up happening?

I was on my side and her head was resting against my chest. As much as I _loved_ lying in this position I didn't want her to wake up and freak out thinking I was trying to overstep the "friends" boundaries. I slowly and carefully untangled myself from her and scooted over to the other side of the bed. I sighed and looked down again and grew confused when I saw my shirt.

Although it was a dark gray t-shirt I could see the faintest hint of makeup on it. It wasn't a lot and you probably wouldn't notice if you just glanced at it but it was definitely there. Was Alex crying last night? I pulled at my shirt and stared at it before looking at the girl curled up a foot away from me.

Is that why we were like that when I woke up, because she was crying and holding onto me? But…why? I tried to think about the night before to see if I might have done something but I drew a blank. She couldn't have been crying because of something I did. If she was then why would she be hugging me? Maybe she was upset because of something with her mom again, I don't know. But whatever it was, why couldn't she talk to me about it? Or did she just not want to bother me by waking me up?

I know we just started being friends again but I want her to feel like she could still talk to me. I want her to know that I'll still always be there for her. All I know is I'm not going to ask her when she wakes up. I'm not going to push her into doing anything she doesn't want to. I want us to take everything slowly.

I didn't think it would turn out this way, with Alex in my bed no less, but I am so happy. Fuck whatever resolve I had before. I froze to death for her, held her, let her use me as a pillow, fed her, gave her a safe place to sleep, and fucking _carried_ her up four flights of stairs last night all while drunk and exhausted. I can't let her be with someone else. She has to be mine again.

Eventually though; right now I'm content with where we are at. I don't want to just jump back into a relationship with her. I mean, I would love to be with her again right now but we were so dysfunctional, even as friends. We had time to work on ourselves separately but if there is any hope for us in the future we need to work on ourselves together now.

I need to show her that she is still my best friend and number one priority in life. Whatever relationship or fling she might have with Kelly or anyone else, she has to be mine in the end. I know I didn't want to be selfish and let her be happy but why can't I be too? Why can't I be selfish just this once?

"Mitch?" A tired and hoarse voice broke me away from my thoughts. I turned to see Alex half awake and staring at me.

"Good morning…again."

"What time is it?"

"8:30-ish." At that she fully woke up and smacked her forehead before getting up.

"Damn it," she grumbled and I sat up, looking at her oddly.

"What?"

"I have work at nine, ugh God I'm so fucking tired. I just wanna stay here and sleep all day." Oh believe me I would love to sleep with you all day…oh…wait a minute…never mind. That came out wrong.

"Just call in sick or something," I suggested but she groaned and shook her head.

"I can't. Saturday's our busiest day and there are like only two cashiers. I have to go," she said, disappointment clear in her voice. She started looking for where she took off her clothes last night.

"You wanna borrow something?"

"Can I?"

"Yeah of course, go ahead." She thanked me and started going through my things. She went into my closet and a minute or two later emerged with new clothes on. She had on her own jeans but my dark red flannel and black Dropkick Murphys shirt under it. The sleeves were rolled and I chuckled at her typical wardrobe choice.

"What?"

"Why do you _always_ wear a flannel shirt when you're hungover?"

"Because this is the most comfortable thing in the world," she explained and I stood from the bed and nearly fell over the second I did. I had to try really hard to hold in a cry of pain because _everything_ _hurt_. My back and legs were aching and burning and I didn't even think I could walk. I didn't want to let it show though so I put on a happy face.

"You have time for breakfast before you leave?"

"I don't know, maybe to go because I need to be at the store soon and I'm walking there." We left my bedroom and into my empty house. My parents had work early on Saturdays so I wasn't surprised that they weren't here. I went to the kitchen and grabbed a packet of raspberry frosted pop tarts, her favorite, and a brown sugar one for myself. She was tying her boots and came over to where I was by the island, tripping on her way.

"Are you still drunk?" I asked half seriously.

"Honestly I think I might be," she laughed out and I shook my head. "Walk with me?" she asked hopefully and I knew I was just putty in this girl's hand.

"Sure." My sore limbs were screaming at me and plotting ways to kill me as I grabbed my sneakers and put them on along with a nearby hoodie, not bothering to go back in my room and change. I was way too comfortable in my pajamas. "Okay, let's go." This was gonna be _so_ _painful_.

We headed outside and the weather was actually really nice. It wasn't as cold as it was last night and the sun was out. Our walk was filled with casual small talk and playful banter. It was weird yet refreshing how it felt like the way it used to, even before we were together…_years_ ago. I can't remember the last time we didn't have a care in the world.

It didn't take long to reach our destination because the store isn't that far from our houses. I walk here all the time. Instead of going inside she hung back for a minute and just looked at me. She still seemed happy although I couldn't read the expression on her face…again.

"Thank you…you know, for coming with me…for letting me stay with you and well, for everything last night."

"You're welcome."

"You were right…we should do this again." My heart almost beat right out of my chest and I could have screamed from sheer happiness and excitement at her words. "I had fun."

"Me too…you know, despite getting ditched and walking for hours."

"You know, I'm kind of glad we got ditched." Oh how I so badly wanted to kiss her right now. _Fucking boundaries_. "I gotta go before John tells me I'm late even though I'm on time," she said and unexpectedly pulled me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around her, feeling that warmth and security I always felt when I held her. We pulled apart too soon and she turned and started walking towards the front entrance but turned back around briefly. "I'll call you later," she called out with a smile and started walking again. "Bye, Mitchie." She disappeared into the store and I stood there wondering what the hell happened in the last twelve hours.

Our dysfunctional relationship and friendship aside, I think this could be the start of something…better. This was our chance to fix what was broken. This was _my_ chance to fix everything between us. I turned around and began my walk back home with a smile on my own face, burying my hands in my pockets. The only thoughts on my mind were that I was going to take this chance no matter what and I cannot _fucking_ wait to go back to bed and sleep.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Selfish by...wait for it...Nysnc. Yeah, that just happened.** **I'm a 90's kid, sue me.**


	20. A Walk Through Hell

**A/N 1: Sorry to say this but I'm afraid my fast updating streak is coming to an end. The next chapter might take a while. On top of finals, I pretty much destroyed my hand at work yesterday, broken, sprained, whatever you want to call it. It was a challenge finishing this chapter but it was almost done and I wanted to update. Thanks for the reviews I'm glad you liked the last one. This one's pretty long too so I hope you enjoy this as well.**

**Your opinions mean the world to me.** Be sure to leave a review while I'm suffering and let me know what you think.**  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>20. A Walk Through Hell<p>

_And if I could swim  
>I'd swim out to you in the ocean<br>Swim out to wear you were floating in the dark  
>And if I was blessed<br>I'd walk on the water you're breathing  
>To lend you some air for that heaving, sunken chest<em>

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

She hasn't spoken to me in three days. Normally I wouldn't be so obsessed and freaking out over something so trivial but I haven't seen her in school either. She isn't answering me and I have tried to both call and text her. I didn't do it too many times though because I am still a little hesitant about how our friendship is going.

After that night she spent at my house things have been going great for us, well as great as things could possibly go in only a week or so. We have hung out since then, sober and alone. It went surprisingly well. I admit I was a little afraid that things wouldn't be so easy or good if we weren't drunk but I swear it was like we were slowly on our way back.

She's still I guess 'with' Kelly or whatever you want to call it. To be honest I was a little confused. I mean, I'm the one who went back for her. I'm the one who stayed with her and made sure she was okay. I'm the one who walked with her all the way home. I'm the one who let her sleep at my house so she wouldn't have to deal with her mother. But I did all that because I love her and I am just _such a good friend_. But apparently, that's not enough.

Not only that but I gave her my jacket even though I was freezing my ass off the whole night. I carried her up four flights of stairs even though I was drunk. I let her take my bed even if there was a chance I would have to sleep somewhere else. I even walked her to work the next morning even though I was exhausted and hungover and slept for only two hours. But apparently…it's not enough. My selflessness and my love…they're just not enough.

The part that kind of scares me about all of this is that it doesn't even matter much that it's not enough. I would still be doing all of this for her even if I knew that there was absolutely no chance of us being together. This isn't about me trying to win her back or making her fall in love with me again. I just know that in my heart I would literally do anything I possibly can to make sure that she is never unhappy or hurt or upset ever again.

Regardless, we're just friends. I sometimes find myself replaying that stupid kiss in my head though. When I saw her and Kelly at that bar I...it just makes it harder for me to be okay with everything. She's not my girlfriend and she can do whatever she wants with whoever she wants but it doesn't mean I have to look at it. I don't hold that against her though.

I do hold something against Kelly though. Don't get me wrong, she is a really nice girl, but I got a little pissed that she kind of just left Alex that night. When I brought it up she told me that the whole them ditching us thing was a misunderstanding. She thought she was behind her the whole time and then Frank told the cab to leave without actually checking to see if everyone was there. When she called her Alex didn't pick up because she didn't have her phone. That was when Eric texted me and thought she was in the other cab.

We're all stupid when we're drunk, this I'm aware of. But apparently Kelly wasn't feeling well or something and ended up not even being able to drive home. Eric got a ride with Jimmy and Vanessa. Lauren's dad picked her up and Frank and Kelly took a cab home. I would have called bullshit but according to Alex, and even Frank as well, she might have caught something from their manager or another stock guy at work. I let it go because it didn't sound like a lie but mainly because I don't want to pick fights.

So as I said before, she hasn't spoken to me in three days and I honestly don't know why. I don't know if I actually did something to warrant it but I seriously did _nothing_. I have been careful to not overstep my boundaries and we've been getting along great. It made no sense and to be quite honest I am getting a little worried. My paranoia only increased when I felt my phone vibrating on my bedside table.

_Text Message From: Alex  
>I'm sorry I haven't been answering you<em>

Would I seem too eager to talk to her if I responded right away? Wait…why the fuck should I care? I always used to text her back the second I got a message from her. Besides, I was still extremely curious as to what caused the sudden silence between us in the first place.

_Text Message To: Alex  
>It's fine. Is everything alright?<em>

I tried to sound as casual yet concerned as possible but she honestly could not text me back fast enough. She didn't even take long to answer me.

_Text Message From: Alex  
>I'm dying<em>

Um…what? What the _hell_ is that supposed to mean? If I wasn't worried before I definitely was now.

_Text Message To: Alex  
>What do you mean you're dying? Where are you?<em>

_Text Message From: Alex  
>Home<em>

She's home…and she's dying? If this is her wording things poorly again I am so going to kick her ass because all I am thinking about is her psychopath of a mother. Before I could collect my thoughts to text her back I got another message from her. This one was just as confusing for a completely different reason.

_Text Message From: Alex  
>Come over?<em>

At this hour? I didn't even know what to make of that. She wants me to come over…to her house. I haven't been to her house since last winter. The last time I was there was the night I found out about her mom abusing her. That was also the first night Alex kissed me…well, the first time I was sober enough to remember it. But I vaguely recalled one important detail of that night.

_Text Message To: Alex  
>Seriously? Do you not remember that I'm not allowed in your house? If your mom came home and saw me all hell would break loose.<em>

_Text Message From: Alex  
>Pleeeeeeease :( my mom's on some business trip or something, idk but she's gone all week.<em>

Well how could I say no to that? I mean, it's like 10:30 and dark out but at least she wants to see me. And if her mom is gone then that means not only can I hang out with her there in peace and without fear but also that Alex is safe.

_Text Message To: Alex  
>Alright I'll be right over.<em>

She sent me back a smiley face and I sighed while shoving my phone into my pocket. This should be interesting. But what the hell is going on with her that she hasn't been talking to me? And I still had no idea what she meant when she said she was dying. I automatically assumed it had something to do with her mom but apparently she's not even here. I grabbed a hoodie and put my shoes on before heading out the door.

It was times like these that I was so grateful for living so close to Alex. I could just walk a couple blocks and end up at her front door. The walk was short and quick and it felt so strange to be here again after all these months. This place honestly scared me a bit especially knowing all the terrible things that have happened here. I rang the doorbell and waited for Alex but Brian answered it instead.

"Mitchie?" He seemed shocked to see me and a little confused. I wouldn't blame him though. I mean, Alex would always be at my house instead of us coming here. Also, it was night time.

"Hey, Brian."

"Hey, long time no see. Where've you been?" Your stepdaughter broke up with me and we didn't speak or hang out for three or four months…

"Around; I've just been really busy lately and Alex is working all the time now so, yeah…" I trailed off not really know what to tell him.

"Yeah I know it's like the girl is never home. But it's good to see you again. Did Alex call you? I'm surprised she even picked up her phone let alone charged it."

"What do you mean?"

"She's an absolute wreck. She's been in her bed for the past three days straight. Her phone died but she doesn't wanna go look for her charger. I guess today she finally did." My eyebrows scrunched together and I tried not to look like I was completely lost even though I was. Well, at least I know she wasn't ignoring me.

"What? What's wrong with her?" I asked and he let me inside and led me to her bedroom. Walking through her house made all those memories come flooding back and it was all a little unsettling.

"I don't know but she's been sick and miserable and I don't know what to do," he explained as he opened her door and my heart broke just a little bit at seeing her. She looked awful. She was noticeably paler than usual and she had dark circles under her eyes, which were red and a little swollen like she had been recently crying. She looked all around tired and drained with her cheek pressed against her pillow and a pained look on her face. When she heard the door open she turned towards us.

"Hey," I said softly as I walked up to her bed and sat beside her.

"That was fast," she attempted to laugh but ended up coughing which was shortly followed by a groan as she shut her eyes again.

"Well I wasn't doing anything when you texted me so I figured I'd stop by. I was worried when all you told me was 'I'm dying'."

"I _am_ dying. I feel like death. I-" she started but paused midway before she sat up uncomfortably and climbed out of bed. She walked out of her room and all that could be heard was the sound of her vomiting profusely into a toilet. I grimaced and looked at Brian who shared the same expression.

"She hasn't eaten anything in the past three days. She tried to once but she throws up anything she puts in her stomach."

"What does she have?"

"I don't know; I thought it might have been food poisoning or something."

"It's not food poisoning," Alex said weakly as she trudged back into her room. She carefully lied back down on her bed next to where I was still sitting. "Something's going around at work. Everyone's been getting sick lately; I just don't know what it is."

"Did you go to a doctor?" I asked and she shook her head. "What? Why not?"

"She refuses. She keeps saying all this nonsense but I think she's just a little loopy since she's been drinking medicine like it's freakin' Kool-Aid," he said and I laughed knowing full well that Alex's solution to any cold or other illness is just chug as much medicine as you can. It almost never works.

"What is she taking?" I asked Brian seeing as that Alex looked like she was drifting in and out of both this conversation and consciousness.

"I think it's just regular cold medicine, like cough syrup or something." I looked at her again and noticed how although she was as pale as a ghost her cheeks were still a little flushed. I also noticed how she was clutching her comforter for dear life even though it wasn't that cold in her room. I leaned over her a little and brought my hand to her forehead and it was on _fire_.

"Holy crap," I said as I pulled my hand away.

"What?"

"She's burning up. Did you even check her temperature?" I asked wondering why after three days they still don't know what's wrong with her.

"No…was I supposed to?"

"Yes!"

"I don't know! I've never dealt with this before. These kids have never gotten sick since I met them," he tried to tell me and I just shook my head. Poor girl is sicker than I have ever seen her and her stepdad doesn't know how to take care of her.

"Alright well…do you have a thermometer or something?" He just looked at me like I was crazy.

"I have no idea." I sighed and turned back to Alex who seemed to be somewhat awake at the moment.

"Don't look at me, I don't know anything either," she said with a quiet yet hoarse voice. I got up and went to their bathroom. I almost never used to come over here in the first place so I don't know where they would keep these things. But I figured I knew where my parents keep all of their medical or first-aid type stuff; it's probably in the same place here. I went through the cabinet under the sink in her bathroom and sure enough I found what I was looking for.

"Got it," I said, coming back into her bedroom. "You don't have to sit up," I told her when I noticed she was struggling to move. She rolled onto her back and I instructed her to keep the thermometer in her mouth and under her tongue.

"Like I said before, she doesn't leave her bed. The only time she does is when she has to throw up…which is a lot."

"Why don't you just stay in the living room on the couch?" I asked, turning back to the sick girl next to me. "It's closer to the bathroom and there's a TV." She reopened her eyes to stare at me and then Brian.

"You see how smart she is? That's why I need her," she mumbled to him as best as she could with the thermometer still in her mouth.

"Shh no talking," I scolded but I was still preoccupied with what she had said. _She needs me_. The tiny device started beeping signaling that it was finished taking her temperature. I pulled it from her and read the numbers. My eyes widened. "Alex you're at 101.9."

"Is that bad?" she asked seriously clueless.

"You're almost at 102; I promise you it's not great, that's for sure. Any higher and I seriously think you should go to a doctor. After three days it hasn't gone away?" I asked both of them. They both just shrugged.

"She took the cold medicine but it's not working. I gave her Tylenol or something but it didn't work either."

"How many times did she take it?"

"Like…once." I shook my head again and refrained from palming my face. Did they seriously know _nothing_ about being sick?

"She has to keep taking it or it won't work because she keeps throwing it up," I explained. I knew this way too well. She didn't even need to go to a doctor to find out what was wrong with her. It was obvious now. She has a fever, she's coughing, she's in pain, she's tired and nauseous, and pukes every ten seconds. "Don't worry, it'll probably only last about a week. I think it's just the flu."

"How do you know?" she asked me as I stood from her bed.

"I had it when I was like ten or eleven. It was exactly like what you're going through now. It was awful but it passes," I tried to reassure her, remembering how miserable I was when I was younger and had gotten sick. "Come on, I'll help you get to the living room." I held my hand out for her to take and she grabbed it with a weak grip. Her hands were cold and sweaty and I honestly felt like I would break it if I held too tightly.

"Okay." She moved slowly, probably from all the discomfort and nausea.

"Why didn't you move there before?" I asked as we walked out of her room and I led her to lie down on the large couch.

"I don't know; I just didn't want to move ever." Before I sat down too I told her I'd be right back and quickly went back into her room. I came back to her with the pillow and comforter from her bed.

"Here…so you're more comfortable," I told her as I motioned for her to pick her head up and I placed the pillow under it. I then put the blanket over her seeing as how she was still cold.

"Thank you." She turned a little on her side and bent her knees, making more room on the couch for me to sit with her. When I took my seat on the other end I moved her feet and let her lay them on my lap. I propped my own feet on the coffee table in front of us and turned the television on for her. I brought my hand back down and it accidentally landed on her exposed ankle.

"Your legs are so hot," I said in amazement. She was practically shivering in her sweatpants, socks, and a hoodie but her skin was burning under my fingertips. I heard her snicker and I finally realized what I had said.

"Well thanks, yours aren't so bad either," she responded with an amused smile. I wasn't intentionally trying to flirt with her; I was genuinely concerned and her legs were literally hot to the touch. But was she…flirting back?

"I meant your skin is hot," I said, fighting a laugh. "Are you seriously still cold?" She had wrapped herself in the blanket but I could even feel her shake a little when she would shiver.

"I'm freezing. And I think I'm going to puke."

"Again?" She nodded and stood up and went straight to the bathroom again. I went after her and found her kneeling and hunched over the toilet bowl with the seat and lid up. I wasn't completely grossed out by it. I mean, I've dealt with vomit for quite some time because of my eating disorder. She gagged and heaved as tears formed in her eyes. She coughed a couple times before she began throwing up again. I pulled her hair away from her face and tied it back for her. Her puke was practically clear since all she's been ingesting is water.

"Ughhh I just want this to be over," she moaned in pain as she slumped back into a sitting position on the tiled floor. Her eyes were red and wet and her nose was running a little. I helped her stand up and turned on the cold water so she could wash her face and rinse her mouth out.

"I'm sorry Lex but you're probably gonna be like this for about a week, maybe more since Brian doesn't know anything about the flu…or anything," I joked and even got her to laugh a little despite her misery.

"Fuck me I hate my life," she complained as we walked back into the living room. I took the same spot on the couch as before and she sat down in the middle. Instead of resting her head on the pillow on the other end she switched sides and rested her head on my lap.

"Comfortable?"

"Very." I smiled down at her. When she lied down on me that night we were drunk we would joke about our 'just friends' status or laugh about it but neither of us said anything else of the position we were in. She was sick and needed comfort. And I was going to make sure she got it.

"What do you wanna watch?" I said, taking the remote in my hand and searching through the guide.

"Anything; I haven't been entertained in three damn days."

"Is that why you wanted me to come over? Or did you just want to infect me with your germs?" I asked half-seriously.

"Obviously both; I haven't spoken to you or anyone since I've been sick and I thought to myself: wow, I am really fucking bored. So I wanted to see you." My heart may or may not have fluttered just in the slightest at hearing that. I was the first person she spoke to. _I _was the one she wanted to see. "And what better way to spend quality time with you than to make you sick and miserable as well," she finished with a bright and innocent smile.

"Aw thank you, you're so sweet," I said sarcastically and rolled my eyes. "You know, I _could_ just leave you here by yourself…or worse, with Dr. Brian over there," I threatened and she slapped me in the leg with the little strength that she had. I barely felt it.

"Don't you dare or I swear to God I will make sure that you get sick too. I'll…sneeze directly into your mouth." _Or we could just make out_. I grimaced but still found myself laughing at how ridiculous she was.

"That is…_obscenely_ disgusting. I think you've been hanging out with Frank too much."

"Tell me about it. I practically lived at his house in the summer and I just sort of got used to it." Talking about this past summer always made me depressed. It was the worst few months of my life and I never want to relive it ever again. We were finally at a good place.

"Hey, Mitch," Brian interrupted us and I was a little thankful for it. "This is what I had her take the first night. Is it the right one?" he asked, completely clueless but wanting to make sure he didn't do something wrong.

"Yeah that's fine but she has to take it every few hours or her fever's just gonna get worse." It was already pretty late but it's gotten so bad already she would have to take it throughout the night, which is just going to make her miserable.

"Well how much is she supposed to take?" I sighed and extended my hand out and he gave me the small bottle of pills.

"Don't worry I'll make sure she takes it; you can go sleep if you want," I offered knowing Brian usually works ridiculous hours all the time. He thanked me and went to the kitchen and filled a glass with water and left it on the coffee table. He said his goodnights and went back inside leaving me and Alex alone in the living room. It was nearing eleven o'clock already. I opened the bottle and handed her two pills and the water. "Here, you might as well start now. You got a long night ahead of you." She groaned in annoyance but took it anyway. "At least it'll help you sleep."

"Good because I haven't slept in such a long time."

"Well you need to wake up to take it again."

"Please kill me." I frowned, feeling sympathy for the girl lying down on me.

"I know it sucks but I promise you'll feel better tomorrow if you do." She nodded and reluctantly agreed. I was still flipping through channels when she finally told me to stop.

"Wait, wait, go back to the Travel Channel," she requested and I did as she asked.

"Why?"

"Ghost Adventures marathon," she practically shouted. I will never understand her obsession with this show.

"Oh my God are you kidding me? It's on until 4am?" I asked incredulously as I stared at the guide on the screen. She pumped her fist in excitement before snatching the remote out of my hand so I wouldn't change it. I would have watched whatever she wanted to anyway.

"This is going to be so awesome. I wish I didn't have to throw up every five minutes."

"Are we seriously going to watch the entire marathon?"

"YES. This is the best show ever. If I had to be with a guy it would be Zak Bagans."

"You're insane." She shifted a bit and turned so that she was on her side so she could watch TV better. We watched the remainder of the episode that was currently on and about an hour later I think she felt me tense a bit.

"Mitch come on the show is not even scary," she said and chuckled quietly. She just _loved_ making me watch things like this. I don't know why she always found it hysterical when I would freak out over it.

"I know it's not but you know I hate anything that has to do with ghosts, it just…creeps me out."

"Oh my God, still? Your basement's not haunted!" she exclaimed, remembering my irrational fear of ghosts stems from my childhood nightmares of my own apartment.

"Yes it is! Have you _been_ in it? I swear you can hear shit down there. And it's used as a storage room for everyone in my building so there's all this old junk and furniture and toys and shit. It's something straight out of a horror movie."

"You're so paranoid."

"You're so mean. You always used to make me watch these things with you." I felt her shrug against my right thigh.

"It's cute when you get scared over nothing." What? It's cute? Am I going to have to start reminding _her_ of the friend-zone I am in? "But we can watch something else if you're really freaked out," she offered and I tried to relax a little.

"Don't worry about it, watch whatever you want."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Alex, I'm sure," I told her yet I still really didn't want to watch it. I wouldn't let that show though. She's sick; I'm not going to make her change one of her favorite shows just because I have some weird fear of ghosts or any type of paranormal activity.

"I mean, if you _really_ want me to change it we could always watch Paranormal Activity," she teased and I swear it's like she can read my mind. "Because I know how much you enjoyed that." When we saw that together I all but had a heart attack in the theatre and I refused to watch a good majority of it with my hands glued to my eyes.

"You're the _worst_."

"Shut up, you love me," she said, hitting me in my leg again. I don't think she was really thinking about what she was saying. I thought we were supposed to avoid talks about relationships or feelings or anything of the sort.

"I know," I said sincerely, wanting nothing more than to lean down and kiss her right now. Even when the girl is sick and dying I _still_ want her.

"But don't worry I'm not going to torture you," she assured me and I almost laughed out loud at the irony of her words. Or does she really not know how much she is torturing me anyway? She started flipping through channels and eventually settled on Family Guy. It wasn't until halfway through the episode that she sat up again.

"You okay?" I asked quietly but she shook her head and went to the bathroom. I got up and went to the kitchen to get her more water. I think she was still throwing up so I went to check on her. She was leaning against the wall with her eyes closed. I carefully sat on the floor next to her and she opened her eyes. "Hey, what's wrong?"

"I just want it to be over. I can't anymore; it just hurts so badly," she said and leaned her head on my shoulder. I ignored any rules or boundaries we have set for ourselves and I instinctively wrapped an arm around her and held her close. There were no words between us for a while. We just sat there together. All I could hear was her occasionally taking a deep breath or two to calm her stomach.

"Thank you, Mitchie," she finally said after a minute or two.

"For what?"

"You don't know how happy I am that you're here right now," she admitted softly but I could still hear her voice wavering a bit like she was on the verge of tears again.

"I'll always be here if you need me," I promised and boldly took the risk and placed a soft kiss on her forehead which was incredibly warm against my lips. "Come on; let's get you off the floor." With my arm still supporting her, I helped her up to a standing position. When we made it back to the living room I offered the water to her. "Here, take two more; your fever's still pretty bad." She accepted both and took them with no argument. "Do you want to try eating something?" I highly doubted she would but it was worth a shot.

"Please don't make me. Just drinking water is a challenge."

"I know but you can't just not eat anything for this long with the amount you're puking, trust me I know."

"Maybe tomorrow; right now I can't. But I promise I'll try tomorrow." I nodded, not wanting to force her to do anything. We resumed our previous positions on the couch, with her head in my lap. "How many more times do I have to keep taking this?" she asked referring to the Tylenol I gave her.

"Just until your fever dies down a bit. You don't have to take it again for a few hours so can sleep if you're tired."

"You're not gonna sleep?" she asked, looking up at me.

"Don't worry about me. I'll wake you up to take it again. How's your stomach?"

"Awful. But I don't think I'm gonna throw up again." I reached for the remote and lowered the volume a little. I know the television doesn't bother her when she's trying to sleep. She usually enjoys the background noise. I even switched it back to Ghost Adventures for her. We watched for a while when out of nowhere I heard her groan a little. I hadn't even noticed my hand was on her back, blindly rubbing slow circles every now and then. I wonder how long I have been doing that.

"Sorry," I said and retracted my hand but she shook her head and grabbed my hand to move it back to where it was. I guess she was comfortable.

"No, it feels good." She turned over more so that she was lying completely on her stomach with her head turned towards the television. Her entire body was literally burning.

"You really shouldn't be so bundled up; it's just going to make it worse."

"But I'm cold," she argued and I sighed in defeat knowing she won't listen.

"Alright; try to get some sleep. Hopefully you'll feel better in the morning." She pulled the comforter up to her shoulders and slowly drifted into a deep slumber. I almost didn't want to wake her up every few hours to take medicine but it's the only way to help her. All I knew was that I definitely wasn't going to get any sleep tonight.

* * *

><p>"Hey…Mitch…" a soft voice whispered in my ear but I ignored it and kept my eyes shut. "Mitchie, wake up." This time I felt a hand gently shake my shoulder and my eyes slowly opened. It was way too bright in here. I looked up and saw Alex standing over me. "Hey sorry I didn't want to wake you up because I felt bad that you stayed up all night for me but it's eight o'clock." Shit I only slept for a couple of hours. My eyelids have never felt so heavy in my life. I found myself closing them again but Alex's words brought me back to reality. "You have school in half an hour."<p>

"Crap," I mumbled and sat up straight. My back and neck were stiff as hell. And to top it all off I was probably going to be late. But only one thing seemed important to me at the moment. "How are you feeling?" I scanned her as she took a seat next to me on the couch. Some color has returned to her face. Her hair was a mess; I could tell even though I fixed her hair tie over night so it was a little neater than before. She was barefoot and in a pair of shorts and loose fitting t-shirt.

"My stomach still hurts but my head feels a little better." Her voice didn't sound as weak as it did yesterday; she probably just needed to sleep for a while. I reached over to her and placed my hand on the side of her face. I pulled her head a little closer to me and I lightly pressed my cheek against her forehead. She was still a little warm but not as bad.

"I think your temperature went down. Keep taking the Tylenol today though. The fever should be gone by tonight."

"Thanks," she said in a small voice and I noticed her expression had changed to something I couldn't put my finger on. She looked nervous and kind of scared and upset but I couldn't figure out why. This didn't look like discomfort from the flu; it looked like something else entirely.

"What's wrong?" She played with the hem of her shirt and looked away from me.

"I um…I wasn't wearing this last night." I knew she was going to realize her wardrobe change when she woke up.

"Yeah I know. You were burning up in the middle of the night so I took your hoodie off of you."

"I wasn't wearing this shirt either…" she trailed off and I think I knew what she was getting at. I didn't want to bring it up because she obviously hasn't yet but I doubt there was any avoiding it now.

"I know…you were sweating bullets you practically soaked through your shirt so I changed your clothes." She looked up before taking a deep breath and finally looking towards me.

"Did, um…did you-"

"Yeah…" I answered not knowing what to expect as a reaction. "I saw it." She nodded and bit her lip and took another deep breath. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"I don't know…I didn't want to worry you but…" she paused and tried to compose herself because it looked like she was going to cry at any moment. "But I don't know why it's so bad lately," she admitted weakly, her voice breaking just like my heart. I tentatively reached over to where her hands were still playing with the hem of her shirt. I slowly but carefully took the fabric in my own hand, locking my eyes with her the whole to make sure it was okay for me to continue. When she didn't protest I lifted her shirt just barely up to her ribcage.

"When did it happen?" I asked quietly, afraid my own voice might break upon looking at her. The small red mark she showed me a couple of weeks ago was fading but it was now accompanied by a much larger bruise. It was a weird purplish color and it took up most of the left side of her stomach.

"A few days ago…before she left." I get that she was upset but I don't understand why she felt like she had to hide it from me. I had to find out by accident and it was all I could think about all night long. It was a good thing I wasn't sleeping anyway because the thoughts alone wouldn't have let me.

"Alex…why?" I don't know if I was asking why it happened or why she didn't want to tell me but a single tear rolled down her slightly reddened cheek.

"I'm sorry," she whispered in a shaky voice and I could feel my heart breaking all over again. "She's been so mad at me this past month and I don't even know why anymore. I don't know what to do." I moved my hand to her back and pulled her into me and hugged her. She buried her head in my chest and clung to my shirt and cried into it.

"Hey, it's okay. You know you can always come to me if something happens." She sniffled once and pulled her head back but still kept her hold on me.

"I know I can but…I can't just keep running away, Mitch. It just makes everything worse in the end." I pushed some strands of hair out of her face and wiped a tear falling from her eye.

"Please tell me next time," I pretty much pleaded with her and she nodded her head. I was surprised she wasn't closing up or being distant like I thought she would be. She was still always a little hesitant about letting me back in when we started hanging out again. It's understandable which is why I never asked or pried about anything personal. But she is so hurt and vulnerable and I know what this has led to in the past and I don't want her going down that road again. And I think she senses my apprehension and worry as well. I don't want her to feel like she has to keep everything inside again.

"Hey, you guys are up?" Brian asked as he walked into the living room. He took one look at his stepdaughter with her tear-stained eyes and face and instantly became concerned. "What happened? Are you okay?"

"Yeah it's just…my stomach. I think I'm going to throw up again," she said but it really did look like she was feeling nauseous. She got up and excused herself before heading to the bathroom for probably the hundredth time since she got sick.

"Are you going to school today?" he asked me and I remembered how late I was going to be.

"Yeah I don't know how I'm gonna make it there on time though."

"I'll drop you off on my way to work," he offered but I looked down and realized I still had on my clothes from yesterday.

"No that's okay, you don't have to. Besides, I still need to go home and change."

"You can just wear something of mine if you want." I turned and looked over the couch and saw Alex walking back into the living room. "I mean, it's kind of my fault you're gonna be late." I didn't have much time to debate or argue about it because I really did need to get to school.

"Thanks, hang on I'll be ready in like five minutes," I said noticing how Brian was already dressed for work and probably ready to go. I didn't want to keep him waiting on me. As I searched through Alex's closet I had a mild flashback to the night her mom attacked us. A feeling of déjà vu filled me as I remembered how frantic I was trying to pack Alex's things so she could stay with me.

I shook my head of the thoughts and changed my clothes as fast as I could. I emerged from her bedroom completely dressed and went to her bathroom and found the toothbrush I used to have here when I would actually come over. I brushed my teeth and put my hair up in a loose ponytail not bothering to really do anything to it since I was in a rush.

"Wow that was almost exactly five minutes. You're good," Brian said and offered me a cereal bar for the short trip to school.

"Thanks. Feel better Alex; I'll talk to you later, okay?" I asked and she nodded. Brian and I walked past her and he gave her a quick kiss on the top of her head.

"Bye sweetie, try to eat something."

"I will," she called from her spot on the couch but she didn't sound convincing. We walked out the door and downstairs to Brian's car.

I ended up getting to homeroom the second the bell rang so I wouldn't have to suffer through detention. I didn't pay any attention the whole day. The only thing on my mind was Alex. Not only was she sick but I kept thinking about that God awful bruise on her abdomen. I almost cried when I saw it last night. I just wish she would tell someone about what was going on.

I occasionally spoke to her here and there throughout the day. I reminded her to take two more pills so her fever wouldn't worsen and I basically just wanted to distract her from the pain she was in. I was thinking of what else I could do to help as I sat with everyone during lunch and Eric noticed I was spacing out.

"What's going on, Mitch?" he asked and Frank turned his attention towards us too, seemingly uninterested in whatever Jimmy and Vanessa were talking about in their _happy couple land_ where no one else existed.

"Alex is sick."

"Ah crap she got it too?" Frank asked, probably knowing what it was considering she said she got it from work.

"Yeah, I saw her yesterday and she's terrible."

"The flu's a bitch I'm so glad I didn't get it." Oh so I was right about it being the flu.

"I know. I feel really bad; she's just bored and miserable and in pain all day and night so I went over to keep her company." They both gave me an amused look and I rolled my eyes. "Not like that. God, you guys are idiots."

"You playin' doctor with Alex?" Frank asked and Eric started laughing. "That's so hot, dude like wear one of those sexy nurse outfits and give her a lap dance." Oh my god…

"Yeah and be like, 'it's time for your medicine baby'," Eric added in a somewhat seductive tone as they continued laughing.

"Yeah, and then you guys fuck." I have the stupidest friends in the universe.

"Hey, you guys remember that time where _Alex and I aren't dating anymore_?" I asked before staring blankly at the two of them.

"So?" they both asked in unison and I rolled my eyes again.

"And don't forget to video tape it!" Frank added in way too loudly.

"Would you shut up? I don't need the whole school thinking I'm making some weird sex tape. They literally _just_ got past the whole whore thing with me." And thank _God_ for that. I was glad I didn't have to walk down the halls and hear people whispering or have guys trying to hit on me.

"Alright, alright, I'm sorry but you can't deny it; it would be so fucking hot."

"Oh yeah, especially when her head's in a toilet of her own vomit, _so hot_," I said sarcastically.

"Okay but when you guys get back together, you gotta do it," Frank said and I raised my eyebrow at him. When we get back together?

"And what makes you so sure we're getting back together?" Did Alex say something to him? Or am I just freaking out over something stupid Frank said? And what about Kelly?

"No one's heard from her since last week except for you. She still hasn't answered me or Kelly or anyone else from work." I think my heart just stopped beating. "And don't think I don't know what went down on Vanessa's birthday."

"Oh, you mean _nothing_?" I asked, remembering how badly I wanted to kiss her but didn't do anything to risk our…new…friendship.

"Yeah I'm sure it was nothing. I'm sure she didn't sleep over and I'm _sure_ nothing happened between you two. I didn't convince everyone to leave without you for nothing. You're welcome for that by the way." I was actually a little speechless. I am so fucking confused right now. None of this made any sense.

"You…did what?"

"Kelly insisted that we wait for the two of you because she felt bad that you guys had to come home alone at such a late hour and she had to drive Alex. I made up some bullshit about how some of us needed to get home before a certain time so we all left. But then she said she felt sick so we had to get a cab and couldn't drive Alex if she waited for her…that was just a coincidence. And I go through the trouble of getting you two alone finally and you don't even hook up? You guys are the worst gays EVER!"

"Wait…I thought you hooked Alex and Kelly up in the first place," Eric said just as confused as I was and I had to hold in the urge to let my jaw drop. That whole 'relationship' is because of Frank?

"Doesn't matter."

"Of course it matters!" I said finally. I tried not to get too angry because this whole time I've been telling myself not to get mad about Alex being with someone else. "She's been moving on and getting together with someone else because of _you_?"

"No, she's _trying_ to and, if you ask me, she's clearly failing."

"Then why try to set them up in the first place?"

"Because she told me she wanted to move on," he said like it was obvious. "Look, Alex is retarded."

"No, _you're_ retarded."

"Okay but Alex will come around. She obviously still has feelings for you. Just wait it out." Ugh, why does Alex have to be literally the most complicated person on the planet? And why did I have to fall so hard for her?

"If you're wrong about this I swear to God I am going to kick your ass."

"I'll only fight you if we're both naked," he said and I punched him in the arm as the bell rang signaling the end of our lunch period. "Oh yeah is this a little preview?" I laughed but flipped him off before exiting the cafeteria.

The rest of the day passed by pretty much the same as it did before lunch. I didn't listen to anything because all my thoughts were so focused on Alex. But now they were focused on Alex and what Frank said. I mean, he would probably know better than I would about how Alex feels about me. She'd probably tell him things over me but it was driving me crazy.

This whole time I am trying to keep up with this just friends thing we have so we can remember how we used to be a few years ago. But now I'm learning that Alex still has feelings for me. I mean, yeah, she told me she never stopped loving me but I just don't know what to think with everything that's been happening.

I know we didn't establish if I was coming over again after school or not but I wanted to see her. I always want to see her. After my last class was dismissed I made a couple of stops on the bus before I actually went home. I changed into something more comfortable and grabbed a couple more things before I told my parents that I was going to Alex's house.

At first they thought I had lost my mind. I never told them I went there last night; I just told them I was going to hang out with Alex. They relaxed though when I told them that her mom wasn't home for the week. As if I would set foot in that house when that woman is in there…unless of course Alex was in trouble again, then I would be there in a heartbeat.

Around evening time I made the short trip to her house once again and rang her doorbell once I reached her floor. This time she was the one who opened. It took her a while to because she was probably in pain on the couch and I felt bad for making her get up. When she opened her door she looked a little better than she did this morning.

"Mitchie, you're back," she said and she sounded surprised and a little…relieved. Was she expecting me to come over and thought I wasn't?

"Of course I am. I wasn't going to leave you all bored and alone."

"You did this morning," she pointed out and pouted and oh my God that face is too adorable to not kiss. _Why_ is she doing this to me?

"I had to go to school."

"School let out _hours_ ago," she complained while still holding that pout on her face.

"Lex, you're being just a tad clingy; it's making me uncomfortable," I said jokingly and she scoffed and slapped me in the arm. I see she has gotten some of her strength back. "I'm kidding! I would have been here sooner but I had some things to do first. And I wanted to get my homework out of the way. You look a lot better than you did this morning," I told her noticing she didn't look as drained.

"Well I figured a shower wouldn't kill me."

"Mhm and you changed your clothes…if I didn't know any better I would say you were trying to impress me," I told her after looking her up and down. She changed out of her pajamas and into a pair of leggings and a purple v-neck.

"Please, like I'd actually have to _try_," she said cockily and this time I scoffed. She was so right though. "I just felt like shit I figured if I didn't _look_ like shit I would feel a little better."

"For what it's worth I don't think you could ever look like shit," I told her honestly and this could just be my mind playing tricks on me or plain old wishful thinking but…I think…I think she was…blushing? "And…I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise?" she asked curiously and eyed the bag I had slung over my shoulder.

"Yes. First, and most importantly," I started and opened the bag and pulled out a cable wire and a small piece of paper. "This is my Netflix account username and password. And _this_ is for your laptop so you can connect it to the TV and watch it on that. I figured if you're going to be home alone all week you'd want some variety. The television can get boring."

"Oh my God thank you. There was literally _nothing_ on today."

"Also…I got you some of your favorites." We walked over to the couch and sat down next to each other. I pulled out a bunch of DVD cases. "We got…Fight Club…Donnie Darko…The Shining...uh, every season of Dexter and It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia…"

"I don't know if I have ever told you this…but you're the best."

"And that's just a handful. I also have movies that you secretly love but will never admit that you do like It's a Wonderful Life and Breakfast at Tiffany's." I held up the DVDs and watched as her face brightened but she tried to hide it.

"I don't know what you're talking about…"

"Yeah okay and your eyes _didn't _light up like a fucking Christmas tree." I knew this girl like the back of my hand and she is an absolute sucker for classics. A huge smile slowly broke out across her features and she hugged me.

"You didn't have to do all of this for me."

"I know, but I wanted to put a smile on your face. So what do you want to watch first?" I asked and she held up It's a Wonderful Life and I could see her already getting excited. It was a nice change from her practically crying from the amount of pain she is in. "Hah, I knew it," I said more to myself as I chuckled and got up to put the movie in.

"Oh by the way, I took my temperature today…"

"Successfully?" I asked and she shoved me.

"Yes!"

"I'm so proud of you."

"Shut up," she laughed as I sat back down on the couch next to her. "I'm at 100.1."

"That's great, did you eat something today?" She nodded her head.

"Yes I did. I had a whole two crackers around noon."

"That's it?"

"Mhm."

"...And?"

"I threw it up about twenty minutes later."

"Aw, well at least you tried." The movie started playing and she went back to lying down like she was before I got here, now substituting her pillow with my legs. "You're not cold again, are you?" I asked, noticing she still had her blanket here.

"Not really but I just like lying down with it. It's comfortable when…you know…you weren't here," she admitted shyly. I didn't understand this. She doesn't want us to get back together but here we are; she misses me when I'm gone and is practically cuddling with me every chance she got. If she's so set on us only being friends then why is she clinging to me?

"I'm sorry; tomorrow I'll come over right after school if you want," I offered, feeling bad for the poor girl.

"I mean, you don't _have_ to…"

"Alex…it's okay, I really don't mind."

"Thank you Mitchie…you know, this really means a lot to me. I can't wait until this stupid flu is over. But at least something good came out of it." I raised my eyebrow even though her eyes were glued to the screen.

"And what's that?"

"You're here with me. I know my mom's gone for a while but…I just…I don't know; I feel safer…with you here. You're the only one who knows about her; I feel like I don't have anyone else to go to," she said, her voice weak and near trembling. I felt an overwhelming pang of guilt take over my body. I can't believe I had ever hurt her. Almost everyone in her life has hurt her and I was supposed to be the one who never did.

"Alex…I'm so sorry." I tried to hold back tears and hide the fact that my own voice was close to breaking.

"For what?" We had moved on and past the anger and the apologies but I feel like it could never be enough to make up for what I had done. Nothing I do will ever be enough.

"Everything."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: A Walk Through Hell by Say Anything**


	21. Again I Go Unnoticed

**A/N 1: Hey guys, sorry for the wait but I wanted to finally post something since today is my birthday. This chapter and the next few ones are what I like to call the transition process in the story. This was probably the longest break I took from the story and I'm sorry to say that I'm going to be taking another one but this time I'm not posting one-shots in between. Read the A/N all the way at the end after this chapter please.**

**Anyway I hope you like this one. I didn't edit much but...uh, yeah...review.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>21. Again I Go Unnoticed<p>

_So what's another day  
>When I can't bear these nights of thoughts of going on without you<br>This mood of yours is temporary  
>It seems worth the wait to see your smile again<br>Out of the corner of my eye won't be the only way you're looking at me then_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

Lately my days have been passing in more or less a stressful blur. If someone asked me what day it was I would not for the life of me be able to answer. It's probably early November but that's beside the point. The point is…is that Alex is making me second guess my sanity, and I already thought I was crazy to begin with. And that brings me back in this room, willingly now, so I don't lose my mind entirely.

"I thought you said she moved back home. How long has she been staying with you now?" I sighed at the question. I don't know when my therapy sessions have gone from discussing my psychological issues to talking about my Alex issues. Well, I guess the two go hand in hand now.

"She isn't staying with me again, she just…sleeps over sometimes," I told him awkwardly. It sounded weird even to me but given our history and her situation at home it wasn't that bizarre. "Dr. Thomas, I-"

"Mitchie, please, I told you this already; you've been coming here every week since April…it's just Robert," he explained and I unfolded my arms. I don't know why they were like that in first place considering how comfortable I have gotten here but I seem to be tense these days.

"Sorry…Robert…" I also don't know why I haven't gotten used to calling my shrink by his first name. I made it a point to him to stop calling me Michelle and after a while he finally complied. A couple months ago he decided that we should both be on a first name basis. I always mentioned how strange it was that he had two first names…that and a couple Matchbox Twenty references. "But yeah, I just let her stay over if she needs to."

"And this is going back to her issues with her mother, correct?" I nodded. I would never break my promise to Alex because I know how badly she wants to keep her abusive mom a secret. And I never actually did tell my therapist the extent of her home life. All he knows is that she and her mom _don't get along_ and that was good enough for him. Besides, everything here is confidential…unless I tell him something regarding either me or someone else being in danger. So I have kept my mouth shut.

"They've just been fighting a lot lately…a lot more than usual. And I know it's taking a toll on her whether she wants to admit it or not. So I told her she can come to my house if she feels like she needs to get away." And she has been…a lot. She has been spending _many_ nights in my bed and as romantic or intimate as that sounds, it isn't. More often than not I have found her on my fire escape and knocking on my window.

"Well that's nice of you. You're a good friend Mitchie but how is this affecting your relationship with her?" That was another thing I was completely honest with him about. I had no real emotional attachment to someone my parents paid for me to see so I had no problem _coming out_ to him. He knows that Alex and I have dated; he knows that we broke up…and he knows why, and he knows that I am still in love with her even though she claims that we are only friends.

"It's…I don't know."

"You seem on edge…and I figured that's why you seem more open during these sessions, which is good. You're making more progress than you think. How are you dealing with your anxiety?"

"I think that might be getting worse." It's funny how everything wrong with me is all Alex-related. "I mean, being close to her before was hard…but we lived together so I kind of got used to it. But now when she comes over, especially when we're sharing a bed I just…I don't know."

"Now…is this related to your feelings for Alex or your post-traumatic stress disorder? Because I'm not sure if there even is a difference anymore."

"Isn't there a big difference?"

"Yes but all of your problems seem to lead right back to Alex." I was exasperated at this point and I think he could tell. "I don't mean to stress you."

"No, you're right."

"I know this isn't something you want to hear but as your therapist I think you need openly discuss things between the two of you." He didn't even finish the sentence before I started shaking my head like a mad woman.

"No. We can't do that."

"Why not?"

"It'll ruin us." I have worked too damn hard to be friends with her after I royally fucked up the best thing I had ever had in my life. It took around four to five months but it's not like I expected us to be best friends again in a couple weeks. I still don't think she has fully gotten over it even if she says we're past it.

"But isn't not talking about things what caused problems in the first place?"

"Well…yeah, kind of…"

"And what about before you started a romantic relationship with her?"

"We would always fight, even before the accident. Our problems started like…a year ago, maybe two. She would always keep things from me. That's just how she is. We say that we can always go to each other or tell each other everything but I feel like she's still holding things in and I can't help but worry about her all the time."

"And after your relationship ended…"

"We didn't talk for a good while. I left her alone."

"Why?"

"Because she didn't want to be around me…and I didn't blame her. She said she wanted space so I gave that to her." It seems like it was such a long time ago since we couldn't even be around each other.

"And how are you…around her; still experiencing flashbacks?"

"Honestly, they're not as frequent as they used to be. I hardly ever get them anymore. Occasionally I panic every now and then but that's from other things. Around her…" I trailed off as I thought about it. I've relaxed a lot more around Alex. Being close to her…well, as close as we get now…doesn't freak me out like it did before. "I'm better now, that's for sure. I guess after spending so much time with her after the accident I kind of got used to it."

"Any nightmares?"

"Not for a while. The last one was a month ago."

"What was it about?"

"Same as always. But I woke up before I could start hurting myself again. I've gotten better at that too." He nodded and wrote something down before removing his thick-framed glasses and leaning back in his seat.

"That's good. You're definitely improving. In fact, I want you to gradually start taking less of your medication, for the time being. It's the same kind, just…a weaker version. If you feel you still need it then you can go back to taking the same dose. How does that sound?" He tore off a piece of paper from his prescription pad and handed it to me. "So just take that to your pharmacy; you don't need to wait for your old one to finish…and I'll see you again next week," he said once he noticed that our time was nearly up.

"Wait…are you sure this is a good idea? I've been taking the same amount for like half a year now."

"Yes, but like I said…just try it and if you feel you need it we'll just go right back to the original amount."

"Alright, I mean if you think taking meds away from a crazy person is a good idea," I joked and put the prescription in my pocket.

"You're not crazy, you're just-"

"A little unwell?" I finished for him with an amused smile and a quirked eyebrow to which he just rolled his eyes. He chuckled a bit and shook his head as he stood to open the door for me to leave.

"I walked right into that one. I will see you next week _Michelle_."

"Alright. Later, Rob Thomas." I exited the room and the building altogether and found a familiar black Chevy Impala waiting in the parking lot. I tapped the window to make my presence known and the door unlocked for me.

"Hey." I got in and was greeted with a happy face and a quick hug before I put my seatbelt on and we started moving.

"Hey. Thanks again for picking me up, Alex," I told her and she smiled while still keeping her eyes on the road.

"It's no problem." She insisted on coming to get me after therapy when I told her I was taking the bus back home. She said it was the least she could do after how much I have been helping her out these past couple of weeks. "How'd it go?"

"Um…it was good."

"What'd you talk about?" she asked and I rested my head back. She always asks and I almost never give a clear answer. I spit out some vague response and she usually accepts it. Like her, there are some things I just keep to myself.

"Nothing special, just the usual." She nodded and turned onto the highway. I don't particularly like keeping things from her but it's not like it's something so serious. She just doesn't need to know that she is basically the main subject of discussion of almost all of my sessions…and that I go because she makes me just a little less sane lately. "So what'd you do all day?"

"I worked for like…four hours today; it was pretty boring," she shrugged and changed the radio station.

"That sucks. Well on the bright side, at least you work with people you like hanging out with," I pointed out but she just shrugged again.

"I guess but Frank wasn't there today and Kelly and I…" I looked over to her but I couldn't read the expression on her face. She almost never talked about the blonde when she was around me. I think she did that out of respect for my feelings or what have you but she rarely ever brought her up.

"What?"

"I don't know. It's not awkward because like…we're fine but I kind of feel like things are forced, you know?"

"What do you mean?" I didn't want her to be unhappy but I secretly hoped that it meant she was done with whatever fling she had with her.

"We're not going anywhere," she said, rather bluntly.

"Oh…I'm sorry." And I actually meant that. As much as I wanted her for myself I knew she wanted to move on. The girl has terrible luck with relationships.

"Are you really?" she asked, not entirely believing the sincerity of my words. But I wouldn't either if I were in her position. I mean…I _am_ in love with her after all.

"Of course I am." She still looked unconvinced and I knew why. I sighed quietly and shifted a bit in my seat. "I just want you to be happy, Alex." Through my peripherals her eyes left the road to glance in my direction for a brief moment. She turned her attention back to the highway and another smile played on her lips.

"It doesn't matter; we were never serious." I loved when she'd say things like that. Regardless of what she says about us it gives me hope. And I latch onto that even if all of this is wishful thinking. "What time is it, anyway?"

"A little after 8:30, why?"

"I don't know; I'm bored. I don't have anything to do, wanna see a movie or something?" she suggested with a shrug. To be quite honest, after an hour in therapy I really needed to take my mind off of everything we talked about.

"Sure." And I just really want to spend more time with her. The last few weeks I have been torturing myself by being around her and I can't get enough of it. Like I said…my sanity is slowly slipping. She took the next exit and headed toward the theatre by our house. It wasn't crowded considering it was the middle of the week. We parked and once we got on line to buy tickets I thought of something. "What are we seeing anyway?" I didn't know if she had something in mind or she was just going to pick something at random once we made it to the front.

"No idea…how about The Devil Inside," she said and I could hear the laugh in her voice even if she was holding it back.

"I will actually kill you."

"I mean, it starts in fifteen minutes…"

"I will turn around and walk home."

"Oh come on Mitch everything else either already started or we've seen it," she whined but she had a point. If we waited for something else it would take probably about an hour.

"No," I said flatly and she responded with a pout. God damn it. "Don't look at me like that."

"I'm sure it's not that bad."

"Alex, any movie with the word devil in the title is going to give me nightmares."

"The Devil Wears Prada?" I just stared at her blankly but crossed my arms against my chest. "No you're right; Meryl Streep was terrifying in that one." She thought she was _so_ funny.

"I hate you."

"Well that's too bad because we're going to be stuck next to each other for the next two hours," she said and turned to the guy at the box office. "One for The Devil Inside at nine," she told him and I stayed rooted to the ground.

"I'm not watching it." She turned back to the guy.

"Make it two." The theatre employee handed her two tickets after she gave him the money. "Now you have no choice." She smiled brightly and extended her hand for me to take my ticket. And she just _knows_ I would go now because if I don't then she just wasted money and I wouldn't do that to her.

"You're an ass," I muttered as I snatched the ticket out of her hand and headed through the doors, all the while she's giggling behind me. This was going to be interesting. And by interesting I mean _awful_.

* * *

><p>"Oh my God how can you watch this? It's so fucking creepy," I whispered to her after flinching for the billionth time.<p>

"It's not as scary as I thought it would be." My hands were practically claws digging into the armrests of my seat as I tried to refrain from covering my eyes like I always do.

"I can't believe you dragged me to _another_ scary movie. Do you _like_ torturing me?"

"Yes."

"You suck."

"What? Maybe I'm just trying to help you get over your fears." That is a load of grade A horse shit.

"Yeah I'm sure, because you _don't_ think it's hysterical when I freak out, right?"

"Right…that would be mean…which I'm not. I'm just being a good friend." Her smirk was clearly evident and I could see it even in the darkness of the room.

"Are you sure you didn't pick this movie so I would grab your hand or hide in your shoulder like I usually do," I challenged with a raised eyebrow. "You're just trying to get close to me." It was quite the opposite actually considering I'm the one who has been trying to get close to her for the past few months but I still liked to tease her.

"Damn it you have ruined my plans," she said dramatically with a huff before slumping in her chair. I narrowed my eyes at her.

"I'm onto you, Alex." She slapped my arm. "Can you not? I'm trying to watch the movie." I would much rather have the distraction of her talking to me throughout the whole thing because this is seriously so disturbing. Some woman was sitting on a bed bent in all different directions; why am I watching this? She started freaking out and having some sort of a seizure and I couldn't help but jump at the sudden loudness and I accidently clutched her hand that was next to mine in a death grip.

"Oh I guess my plan worked after all."

"Shut up I hate you," I hissed at her not completely serious but I was still shaken up from this. I pulled my hand away and forced myself to continue watching the whole thing. Alex just sat next to me smiling and occasionally laughing at me like I knew she would. I had a feeling that wasn't going to be the only time I grabbed her hand.

* * *

><p>"I should have listened to you. That movie sucked. What the fuck was that ending?" she complained as we walked back out into the brightness of the theatre lobby.<p>

"I think I need to go back to my psychologist. This did nothing to help my case," I mumbled while trying to adjust my eyes to the new light. She snorted out a laugh…again.

"Relax it was too terrible of a movie for it to be traumatizing or nightmare inducing."

"Easy for you to say." It was dark out when we made it to the parking lot.

"Come on you big baby let's go," she said as she slung her arm over my shoulder and dragged me to her car. She turned on the engine and pulled out of the spot and started driving back to my house. It wasn't that far; it's roughly a five minute drive but when we got there we just stayed seated.

"Are you sleeping over again tonight?" I asked knowing just how often she needed to get away from her home lately. Her mother has been relentless this past month. When she was sick she told me it has been bad recently but I didn't know just _how_ bad it was until she started coming to my house at night again. It was getting late now anyway and we had to wake up early for school tomorrow.

"Why? Do you need me to keep away the monsters from under your bed?" she teased in a baby voice and I hit her in her ribs. I meant to hit her arm but she moved a bit and I got her side by mistake and she winced in pain.

"Shit I'm sorry," I apologized and she breathed out a light chuckle while shutting the car off.

"That was my own fault, don't worry about it. But um…would it be alright if I stay over again?" I don't know why she sounded unsure because I have told her countless times that she can always come to my house. Even if we were fighting or mad at each other I would let her stay with me, no questions asked.

"Of course, why wouldn't it be?"

"I don't know; just making sure. I feel bad."

"Alex, you've lived at my house before for like five months straight. If it was a problem I would have said something by now." She put the car in park and we both got out, making our way to my apartment.

"You have a point. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with my mom lately." I scoffed and pressed the button for my floor in the elevator.

"_Lately_?"

"Well she's a fucking nut case and has been for a while now but…I don't know; there's something else to it. Sometimes she hits me for little things. Other times it will be for me being gay. But lately she keeps bringing up how I ruined our family. And she's not just angry but she's like…really upset too. It makes no fucking sense and I just sit there and take it." She shifted on her feet a bit before the soft bell went off and the elevator opened again. I walked ahead of her and opened the door to my house. Inside, my parents were on the living room couch watching some show together.

"Hey Mitch you're…oh, hi Alex," my mom greeted once she noticed I wasn't alone. Both my mom and dad were happy to find out that Alex and I were finally friends again. They had obviously noticed once she started sleeping over frequently. "Are you staying over?"

"Yeah Mitchie watched a scary movie and she doesn't want to be alone," she joked and I slapped her again, this time hitting her arm. My dad laughed loudly knowing how freaked out I get.

"Oh you should have told me I would have bought a nightlight on my way home from work," he said and he and Alex continued cracking up at my expense.

"Stop it Steve, leave Mitchie alone," my mother scolded him quietly.

"I hate all of you I'm going to bed," I announced loudly as I took off in the direction of my bedroom, hearing Alex's footsteps following not too far behind me. "You're sleeping on the floor," I told her without turning around but she just kept giggling. If I didn't love the sound of her laughter so much I would be pissed off.

"What!"

"You're not getting a pillow or blanket either." I started removing the clothes I was wearing as she did the same.

"What am I, a dog?"

"No…dogs are nice and don't make fun of people. You're just mean." I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and threw a random pair at her as well. I shut the light off and pulled back the covers and got into my bed. It wasn't even three seconds later that I felt a large amount of pressure on my entire body from Alex jumping on top of me.

"You don't mean that," she practically sang, a smile still evident in her voice. I remained quiet. "I'll sleep right here, I don't care," she stated and I couldn't help but laugh. I also knew that she wasn't kidding; she has slept on me before.

"Fine, move over weirdo." She climbed off of me and I made room for her on my side.

"Thank you. And I'm sorry for making fun of you." Once we were both comfortable she leaned over and planted a quick kiss on my cheek. I tried to keep my breath from hitching in my throat. "Sweet dreams, I hope demons don't possess you in the middle of the night."

"Ugh…bitch," I muttered under my breath but she heard me and laughed again. I heard a legitimate _goodnight_ after but I was in my own world. My skin was still burning from where her lips were pressed just moments ago. And this brings me back to my loss of sanity…all because of Alex.

I mean, it's bad enough that our friendship has gotten stronger, as ironic as that sounds, and we're spending a _lot_ more time with each other. But with her still not wanting to get back into a relationship with me it has gotten a lot harder for me to keep my feelings for her in check. And it doesn't help that we've started to go back to being the _touchy-feely_ best friends that we used to be.

Don't get me wrong, I am loving it. But knowing that I can't do anything about it is absolute torture. I would get mad but brief flashbacks to the beginning of the year stop me from letting any of this actually get to me. I have never in my life experienced role reversal quite like this and it actually scares me a bit. I can't believe that I basically turned into Alex circa January.

I feel bad. I always felt bad but now that I am in her shoes I want to apologize all over again for putting the poor girl through so much after she confessed her love for me. I didn't want to be with her but we still acted the same and now I realize just how bad it sucks to be in this position. I didn't realize how hard I made it for her to be around me and do _nothing_.

And now we're here in my bed after I thought we wouldn't even be speaking ever again after the shit that's happened and all I want to do is turn over and hold her in my arms like I used to. I want to be able to tell her openly how I feel without making things awkward between us. And I want to kiss her without fearing that she will get mad at me for overstepping my boundaries.

I know it's hard but I really do believe we will be together again. Even if we don't I will be content knowing we have at least repaired our broken friendship. There are no secrets or lying or hurting each other. We haven't spent _that_ much time apart but in the months between our break up and make up I think we've both grown a little. And maybe that's what we needed all along.

* * *

><p>A few days have passed and Alex has slept over every day since then. I don't question it. I know what's going on and I don't want to force her to talk about something that clearly upsets her. Her mother has apparently gone off the deep end and Alex just doesn't feel safe in her house even when her mom isn't there.<p>

She has been taking more shifts at work and hanging out with me a lot more often. She will do just about anything to not be at her house. She doesn't live with me even though sometimes it really does feel like it. I have thought about asking her to live with me again but I know she won't go for it. I don't want to mess up what we have…again.

"Mitch, you alright there? You keep spacing out." Alex's voice snapped me out of my trance. Thankfully too, because we were walking and I could trip or bump into someone. We were currently wandering throughout the mall together but my mind was elsewhere.

"What? Yeah I'm fine…just thinking."

"Penny for your thoughts?" she inquired and even went so far as to toss a penny in my direction making me let out a small laugh.

"It's nothing really. I've just been kind of stressed out lately." Because of _someone_. "School and college applications, you know." It wasn't a complete lie but I wasn't _too_ worried about my education at the moment.

"Yeah I know what you mean. I don't even know if I'm going to college."

"What? Why not?"

"Well for starters, I doubt I'm getting in anywhere. There's no use in even trying anymore. The only reason I'd even want to go is to get out of my house for good. But I've already accepted the fact that I'm not smart enough," she confessed and I furrowed my brows. Why would she think that?

"What are you talking about? You _are_ smart enough, Alex."

"Yeah says the girl who has tutored me in almost every subject. If it wasn't for you I probably would have failed out by now. I'm just…not smart." We reached the food court and slowed down a bit to see what was around.

"That's not true."

"Well you're pretty much the only one who thinks that. So thank you. But I'm most likely not going to college. Let's just talk about something else…like how shocking it is that you actually set foot in a mall," she teased lightly knowing how much I hated shopping.

"Well…you wanted to get out of your house…and I needed jeans so I figured why not."

"I can't even remember the last time I've been to the mall with you."

"I can't even remember the last time I've been to the mall period. I think the last time I went I had like…a nervous breakdown," I said recalling my less than memorable shopping trips. I couldn't stand going. Over the years I have tortured myself here with my insecurities which did absolutely nothing to help my eating disorder. In fact, it made it a whole lot worse.

"Seriously?" she asked as we approached Ranch1 to order something. "You seemed perfectly fine today."

"Yeah that's because I don't try anything on anymore. I know my size. I just get in, buy what I need, and get out before things turn…dark. Therapy definitely helps. And I haven't stepped on a scale in like…three months. I just don't need the added pressure, you know?" We got our food and sat at a nearby empty table across from each other. She sent a smile my way before taking a sip of her drink.

"That's great Mitch. I'm proud of you. You really have gotten a lot better." Her praise meant the world to me. I have spent a great deal of time learning to not care about what other people thought of me and as difficult as that process has been I still value her opinion over everyone else's no matter what.

"Thanks. It's day by day and even after all this time I'm still working on it."

"Good; I'm glad things are getting better for you." The genuineness of her words warmed my heart and I felt myself smiling back at her. I don't know what it was but I just really liked hearing how much she cares.

"Me too." We continued to eat and talk about random things here and there. Things were great between us. And it felt really good to know that I could take her mind off of her horrible situation at home with her mom. It made me happy to know that she trusts me again.

We didn't stay at the mall too long after we finished eating lunch. It was only around maybe four or five when we made it back to Queens but we didn't feel like going home just yet so we ended up walking around the park a few blocks away. I always used to meet her here in the middle of the night when I had no idea what was going on with her. I admit it's kind of weird being here under…well, _normal_ circumstances…just hanging out.

"Is this place as weird for you as it is for me now?" As if she could read my mind Alex turned her attention towards me as we sat down on a bench.

"A little bit. It's so close to my house but I hardly ever come here anymore."

"Same; honestly I haven't been here since I broke up with Nate," she mused out loud and I wondered if I was really meant to hear that. She held her hand out and pointed at something in the distance. "I think that's the tree he smashed my face into." There was a soft laugh in her voice but my chest tightened at the memory. I could never get the image of her scraped and bruised out of my mind. She took a beating to be with me…and I thanked her by cheating on her the same night. "Bloody nose or not, that was the best decision I have ever made in my life."

"Really?"

"Oh yeah; I should have dumped him well over a year ago, you know, when I realized he was such a shit stain. I let it go too far and by the time I had the good sense to do it he had become so damn aggressive and…scary." She sighed and leaned back against the bench. "It's nice to finally be here without any drama attached to us."

"It's nice to be _anywhere_ without any drama attached to us."

"I know," she said and, to my surprise, rested her head on my shoulder. "Thanks for coming out with me today. And well…for everything else you've done for me lately."

"Don't mention it. What are friends for?" I looked down at her and my feelings were having a war inside of me. I can't. This is too hard. Having her next to me all the time and everything she's saying is just making it that much harder for me to keep my emotions under control. She lifted her head off of me and returned my gaze. I hadn't realized I was actually staring at her but I couldn't look away. Normally I would stop myself before I could do something I would regret and mess up everything we have now. This time though I just couldn't stop myself.

Before any rational thoughts could flood my mind I did the unthinkable, well…for two _friends_ anyway. I leaned in and for the first time in almost six months, I finally kissed her. I knew I shouldn't but the second my lips touched hers I was already on another planet. And to top it all off, she was actually kissing me back.

I moved my hand to the side of her face and deepened the kiss just a little. We were still in the middle of a park after all and besides the last thing I wanted to do was push this too far. I couldn't believe this was actually happening. But of course I had to wake up from this dream sometime and she pulled away from me.

"No…Mitchie-"

"I'm sorry," I said immediately, cutting her off before she could say anything about what I had just done. She sighed and rubbed her eyes but would not look at me.

"I just…you can't…" She was stumbling over her words and held a look of both frustration and confusion. She groaned lightly and finally removed her hand from her face. "Damn it, Mitchie. I told you we're just friends."

"I'm sorry. I know…I shouldn't have done that." She was shaking her head and mumbling something before she stood up from the bench.

"I'll um…I'll just…see you…later," she said awkwardly, still not looking at me. This could have gone a lot worse but it didn't exactly go as I had hoped.

"Wait, Alex, don't go." I didn't want her to leave just because I slipped up. But she turned around and walked away and out of the park. "Alex." There was no use in trying to get her to come back. I slapped a hand over forehead and eyes and held in the urge to shout at no one in particular. She was gone.

* * *

><p>She hasn't been avoiding me but we haven't spent much time together either. Granted it's only been a couple of days but she also hasn't shown up at my door or fire escape at night and I couldn't help but wonder if she really didn't have a reason to or if she just didn't want to be around me anymore after that day in the park.<p>

I still saw her in school and we spoke…briefly. We didn't talk about the kiss, not _really_ anyway. I apologized once again and she brushed it off but I could tell that she was still a little on edge around me now. I didn't want to make things even _more_ awkward so I left it alone even though things between us were beyond weird now.

I mentally scolded myself every day since then. Ever since school started and we _finally_ became friends again I had made it a point to never do something like this. Sure I was still in love with her but she specifically told me that we weren't getting back together. I wasn't going to give up but I didn't want anything to happen until _she_ wanted it to.

This is literally all that has been on my mind. I couldn't even sleep now. It was probably around three o'clock in the morning and no matter how long I keep my eyes closed I cannot fall asleep. The rain outside wasn't bad but a storm was apparently on its way. All I could hear was water lightly beating down against my fire escape. It _was_ all I could hear…until I heard something much louder that would have woken me up instantly had I been sleeping at all.

Even if I was still awake I was slightly disoriented and groggy from the late hour and from just being all around tired. The loud noise became more frantic but I didn't know what was going on and I just stayed in my bed. Before I could process what was actually happening my window opened and a figure came stumbling through it and onto my bedroom floor. I turned over and sat up a bit to see who it was.

"Alex?" My voice sounded awful; you wouldn't have even been able to tell that I was suffering from insomnia. She stood up straight and closed the window because it was extremely cold and windy outside before walking over to my bed visibly shaken. Whether it was from the weather or from something else I had no idea. But we had been so off lately that I was confused. "What-"

"Please," she said before I could question her. Her voice wavered a bit and she sounded like she had been crying. "Please just don't say anything." I continued to stare at her in bewilderment and she removed the hood from her head. I had promised her that she could come here whenever she needed…no matter what and no questions asked. I don't know if she could see it but I nodded and pulled back the covers letting her know that she could stay with me.

I heard her breathe a sigh, possibly from relief, and she took her jacket and shoes off as well as her hoodie seeing as how they were all wet from the rain. The rest of her clothes were dry and it seemed she was already in pajama-like clothing when she left her house. She slowly and cautiously climbed into bed next to me and I could feel how freezing she was.

I still had no idea what was going on but I felt a thousand times better now that she was here. I didn't have to ask to know it was something with her mom but I was just surprised that she actually came back to me. I guess she wasn't _too_ mad at me for kissing her. I would never turn her away though and I'm glad that she knows that.

It was dead silent in my room once again and it stayed that way for around maybe an hour. She was probably sleeping by now but I still couldn't keep my eyes shut for the life of me. Well, I _thought_ she was asleep until I felt the bed shift slightly and heard her breathe out a quiet sigh. She rolled onto her back and turned her head towards me.

"Mitch?" she whispered softly. It was so quiet I almost didn't hear it but I hummed in response. I don't know if she thought I was actually answering her or just making random noises. "You awake?"

"Yeah, I can't sleep."

"Me neither." I turned onto my side to face her.

"You alright?" I asked even though she clearly didn't want to talk about it before. I can't help but worry though.

"Not really," she admitted with a shake of her head. She too turned onto her side and with the little moonlight coming from my window I could just barely see her face. It wasn't really surprising that there was a decent sized bruise just under her right eye but it still broke my heart.

"Did that happen today?" She knew what I was talking about without me saying it or pointing it out.

"She said she wished it was me who left; that our family would have been better off if I wasn't in it." A silent tear rolled down her cheek. I would have wiped it away for her because I cannot stand to see her cry but I was afraid of hurting her if I touched her bruise.

"Don't believe her."

"I know I shouldn't but Mitch I can only take so much before it starts to break me apart. I don't want to go back. I wish I could leave like she wants me to but I can't. If I'm not at home then I'm here. If I'm not here I'm at Frank's. I hate this so much." I felt so bad for her but I know she won't listen to my advice.

"Alex…you need to tell someone," I told her but she shook her head furiously.

"I can't. I can't break up my family again. I can't have Brian and Max hating me too-"

"They won't hate you."

"And then they'll know why she does it and I can't deal with coming out to my family all over again and I…I just…" she trailed off, not really having a firm grasp on her words. I regret asking her if she was okay. But maybe she needs to let it out. I doubt she has these conversations with Frank. I'm really the only person she can talk to. But still, I don't want to get her upset or worked up. I sat up and got out of bed. "What are you doing?" she asked before I turned the light on. We both narrowed our eyes at the brightness.

"Come on, get up." I reached my hands out but didn't wait for her to take them and I pulled her up into a sitting position. She still looked confused. "Let's go somewhere." And now she just looked at me like I had lost my mind. Well, I _was_ sleep deprived…

"Are you nuts? It's four in the morning." I went in my closet and grabbed a dark gray hoodie and my sneakers.

"So what? We're obviously not tired and clearly not sleeping any time soon. Let's just get out of bed for a while and take your mind off of this." She wiped at her cheek with the palm of her hand before nodding her head.

"Okay. Um…where are we going?"

"I don't know…I'm kinda hungry. You don't realize when you're asleep but at this hour you feel like you're starving."

"True."

"Dunkin across from the park is open twenty four hours. I think the rain slowed down and I'm restless so I want to walk." She got out of bed and put her own shoes back on and took her red hoodie and worn out jacket. "You need new clothes, Alex," I said jokingly but I was actually a little serious.

"Hey there is nothing wrong with wearing loose sweatpants and a leather jacket. I happen to rock the bum look very well," she stated before tugging at her sleeve and shrugging. "But this thing is kind of old."

"And the destroyed Converses are a nice touch. Aren't those the same ones from seventh grade?"

"If my feet haven't grown then why buy new shoes?" she questioned and I laughed while shaking my head and grabbing my house keys from off of my desk.

"Whatever, I just hope your clothes can withstand this damn storm outside." I shut the light off and we both headed out of my bedroom and the front door. When we made it to the front of my apartment I thanked God that the rain had in fact slowed because I wasn't in the mood to get caught in a hurricane.

The walk was short and I made it a point to keep my hands buried deep inside of my sweater pockets at all times. I didn't need _temptation_ to come back and bite me in the ass again. Small talk was thrown around and she seemed to already be in a better mood than before and I was glad that this spontaneous plan worked after all.

We decided to just get everything to go because we didn't want to sit there and then be tired and have to walk all the way back to my house. I turned the kitchen light on once we got back and we sat across from each other at the island in the middle of it. She took a sip from her hot chocolate and sighed.

"I'm sorry," she said out of nowhere and I pulled away from my own cup and I stared at her weirdly.

"For what?"

"For the other day…you know, at the park."

"Shouldn't I be the one sorry for that?" This girl honestly never made any sense.

"I mean, I shouldn't have reacted like that."

"Alex, it's fine…really." She tore a piece off of her blueberry muffin and glanced up at me again.

"You're too nice to me, Mitch." This really isn't how I thought our conversation was going to go. It's hard to believe that just a few months ago she was insulting me and telling me to leave her alone forever. "And I-"

"What time is it? Why are you girls up?" my dad interrupted her as he walked into the kitchen half asleep and his eyes practically closed.

"Um…4:30, can't sleep…why are _you_ up?" I questioned as he scratched his head and walked to the fridge.

"You two have no volume control…wait…Alex, have you been here the whole time?" he asked groggily and he still hasn't fully opened his eyes yet. If I wasn't so sure he was speaking directly to us I would think he was sleepwalking. We looked at each other briefly before I decided to speak up.

"Uhh…yeah, she has." I just didn't want to bring up that she came here from the fire escape only a little over an hour ago because I didn't want her to think about _why_ she came here in the first place. He nodded and seemed to accept it, probably thinking he just forgot she has been here all night.

"Oh…okay. Just keep it down and…wait…" What _now_? "You guys got Dunkin Donuts?"

"Yeah."

"Did you get me anything?"

"Dad, it's four in the morning why the hell would I get you something?" He pulled a water bottle out of the refrigerator and came up next to where I was sitting and took the doughnut that was in front of me. He took a large bite out of it before putting it back. "Ew." He unscrewed the cap and drank some water before shoving me lightly.

"Shut up, I made you," he told me and I grimaced but Alex tried to stifle her laughter.

"…Ew."

"Shouldn't you guys be sleeping? Don't you have school tomorrow?" I stared at him with my eyebrow raised.

"Dad…tomorrow's Saturday…" He took another swig of his water and shrugged. "I think _you_ need to go to sleep." His eyes were still pretty much closed.

"Alright…well…goodnight, don't make too much noise…and shut the TV off."

"The TV isn't-" I started to say but he was already walking back towards his room. "Never mind, goodnight." Once his door closed Alex finally let out her laughter but still tried to be quiet about it. "Well that was weird."

"I mean we _did_ kind of wake him up. You know…you could have totally like…come out to him just now. He wouldn't have even noticed," she said, clearly amused.

"No way in hell is that happening."

"Seriously you could've been like 'goodnight, oh by the way, I'm gay' and he would've been like 'alright just make sure you clean your room first'," she said, imitating my dad's tired voice almost perfectly. I found myself laughing too.

"You're probably right but I'm not telling them any time soon."

"Why not?" she asked curiously. Anyone could tell that my parents were more understanding than hers…well, her mom anyway. But I just didn't feel the need to tell them.

"I don't know. There really is no reason to. I mean, I don't feel like I'm hiding things from them. It's not like I'm dating anyone. I almost told them once when we were together but I couldn't go through with it. I'm just a little nervous I guess."

"Don't worry I know exactly what you mean…trust me." We continued to talk until our food and drinks were done and we ended up back in my room on my bed, once again trying to fall asleep. We were in a weird and crooked position, not really ideal for sleeping. I was lying on my back but kind of to the edge and she was lying down with her head on my stomach. I don't know how we ended up like that but I liked it. "Hey, Mitch?" she asked as I absentmindedly played with her hair and hummed in response. "If I did tell someone about my mom and…and my family ended up hating me…would you let me stay with you again?" She was nervous; I could hear it in her voice.

"Of course…but they're not going to hate you. If anything, they're going to hate your mom which, to be honest, wouldn't be a bad thing." She sighed and I _prayed_ that she would actually go through with this. I would do it myself but it's not my place to tell.

"And _you'll_ never leave me, right?" After all this time we always seem to come back to this. I thought before she didn't have to doubt it but of course after hurting her like I did we're back to square one.

"I can't," I told her honestly and she shifted a bit. "Even if I wanted to, I can't. I know all that shit happened to us but…never again, Alex."

"What happened to us?" she wondered out loud and I'm pretty sure it was a rhetorical question but I knew the answer to it anyway. We could blame it on everything. It could be because of her paranoia and fear. It could be because of the accident that led to my anxiety. It could be because of Nate and how she couldn't break up with him. It could be because of Zach and how he doesn't know how to back off. I could blame literally everything but I know it's not true. We could have worked past it and gotten through everything together. But we didn't…and I know it's all on me…and only me.

"I fucked up."

* * *

><p>If I wasn't undeniably attached to Alex before than I definitely am now. After kissing her and now that I know she's not mad at me for it I just want to spend literally all of my time with her. And she isn't making this easy for me. Because it seems like she wants to spend all of her time with me too. Whether it's because she wants an excuse to not see her mom or because she genuinely wants to spend time with me, I don't know, but I can't really complain.<p>

That's a lie, actually. I can complain. Because after my slip up it has only gotten that much harder to be around her. But I would never let that stop me from seeing her. I just had to constantly remind myself that I can't do anything again or I might screw everything up…again. It's torture but what can I say, I brought this all upon myself. And I'm still paying the consequences.

I figured since I had nothing to do all day I would finally get my new prescription. I admit I was a little worried. I've gotten so used to my meds I'm kind of scared to change it up now. But on the bright side, it means I really am improving. And on another bright side, I get to go see Alex again…as if I haven't seen her enough this weekend, but…whatever.

When I walked in the store I went straight to the pharmacy to get it over with. I already called in a few hours ago so I didn't have to wait for it. I showed the man behind the counter my ID and he went to go retrieve a small white paper bag but when I had to pay I grew confused.

"Wait…the price changes for the strength of the medication?" I asked him and I took the small bottle out of the bag to examine it. It was the same thing I had always been taking but like my doctor said, it's just weaker.

"No it's priced right…Alex just told me to give you her discount whenever you came here."

"Oh…okay, thanks." I smiled and paid the man before I took off in search for her. I looked down a couple aisles and finally found her in the party supplies section with a couple of large boxes next to her as well as a tall ladder. "Hey." She turned to find who was calling for her and she smiled when she saw it was me.

"Hey, what are you doing here?"

"Picking up the crazy pills; my shrink thinks I don't need to take as much." Her face took on a slightly worried look as she grabbed a box and started climbing up the ladder with it.

"Are you sure that's a good idea?"

"That's funny I said the same thing to him. Thanks for the discount by the way."

"No problem. And I guess if he thinks it's okay then you should be fine." She stocked the contents of the box on the shelves and then tossed it on the floor when it was empty. She climbed up to the top step and the ladder slid a little and she flinched before holding onto a shelf for support.

"Whoa Alex, be careful." She steadied herself before standing up straight again. She was really high up and I didn't want her to fall. The ladder didn't look like it was in the best condition.

"Relax Mitch I've done this a million times. Can you do me a favor, open that box and hand me whatever's inside it? I need to put the extras away to get rid of all these damn boxes." I nodded and pulled out a couple of packages of plastic cutlery and started handing them to her. She climbed back onto the top step but the ladder slid again when she twisted her body around. She tried to fix her footing but the steps weren't sturdy enough to stay put and she ended up slipping. I stepped closer but I just ended up breaking her fall entirely and we both hit the floor.

"Ow Jesus Christ Alex," I said but laughed despite the situation and so did she. I was flat on my back and she was directly on top of me gripping my shoulders tightly. Her eyes were shut and it took her a moment or two before she could get her breathing under control.

"Holy shit I thought I was going to die," she breathed out but stayed where she was. This is exactly what I was talking about…_torture_. We were still holding onto each other and under normal circumstances this would be the perfect opportunity to just lean up and kiss her but I am apparently in the friend zone until the day I die so there was nothing I could do about it.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, thanks…are you? Sorry for landing on you." I chuckled and resisted a cliché joke about her _falling for me_. But she still wouldn't get off of me.

"Yeah I'm fine." Better than fine, despite the pain in my back I was pretty much in heaven right now; a cruel and tortuous heaven. She loosened her grip but still held my shoulders. And then we were just looking at each other not saying anything. And she stayed where she was. And I was supposed to just lay here and do _nothing_? Unless…did she _want_ me to do something? No, that's impossible. She basically flipped out when I kissed her last time and I told myself I wasn't going to do that, not again. "Um…" I started and sat up a bit and she got the hint and climbed off of me, extending her hand to help me to my feet. "Well I should get home before the weather turns to shit again." I just really couldn't be next to her at the moment, especially after what just happened. I was getting too nervous.

"Okay, I'll uh…I'll just see you at school then." I nodded and without another word I turned around and walked away from her and the entire store.

**Alex's POV**

"What the _hell_ was that?" I was watching Mitchie leave when a voice pulled me out of my reverie. I finally looked away and saw Frank standing behind me with his arms folded against his chest.

"What are you talking about?"

"Just now…with Mitchie."

"Nothing," I lied but my stomach was twisting madly into knots from earlier. "_You're_ the one who gave me the broken ladder."

"Dude…leave her alone." He sounded serious and it honestly confused me.

"What?"

"Stop torturing the girl."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are. For _months_ now you're stringing that poor girl along and teasing her but when she gets close you shut down and pull away and then give her some crap about being just friends." I looked down and shifted on my feet not wanting to look at him. I don't know what that was a minute ago but…I kind of…wanted her to try something again.

"Where's all of this coming from?"

"Alex, you're a moron. Since day one you've told me that you still loved her _and_ that you wanted to move on. Obviously I'm not going to tell you to get back together with her. That's why I set you up with Kelly. But you keep going back to her no matter what."

"I can't help it Frank. You just don't understand." I tried to keep my voice from breaking but all this talk was wearing me out.

"Why though? I get that you couldn't move on when it was with Sam but what's wrong with Kelly? What does Mitchie have that she doesn't?" he questioned and I finally looked up at him.

"You mean besides my heart?" I said quietly and looked down again. "Everything."

"See, that's exactly what I'm talking about. Why can't you just admit it instead of lying to yourself and everyone around you?"

"I'm not lying to anyone."

"Yes you are! I said this would happen the second you let her back in. Either admit that you want to be with her or stop all of this bullshit and let her go because anyone could tell you're driving her insane. She's just too nice of a person to say anything about it. I feel bad for her."

"But you told me to move on after I broke up with her." My head was pounding with all of these thoughts and I was actually starting to feel a little guilty because Frank might be right.

"I told you to move on because you told me you wanted to. If you got back with Mitchie when you keep saying that you love her but you don't want to then how the hell is that fair to her?" Damn it he _was_ right. I kicked the empty boxes by my feet and grumbled under my breath.

"Fuck; I don't know what I'm supposed to do. We've been so good lately and I just want to see her all the time." I'm the happiest when I'm with her. After finally letting her back in everyone could see that I was definitely in a better mood. I know I said I don't want to get back together with her but I was just afraid of getting hurt again. But this is Mitchie…I know she cares about me. She's not some random bitch that broke my heart. This is the girl I've been in love with since I was maybe fifteen or sixteen years old.

"What's the worst that could happen if you just go for it?"

"Would she even still want to?" I don't even know why I'm asking this. I'm just so sick of being paranoid about everything.

"Are you kidding me? Didn't you tell me that she kissed you earlier this week? Alex, she's still in love with you. She made a mistake but she's ready to get back into a relationship. She's just waiting for _you_ to be ready. Do you still love her?" he asked me and leaned against the shelves behind me and ran my hand through my hair.

"I do." After trying to deny and ignore it for such a long time it felt right to say it. "I love her."

"But…" he urged, thinking I was going to come up with an excuse not to be with her again. It didn't feel unsettling or painful to think about it. And I'm glad Frank finally kicked some sense into my stubborn head. I guess he isn't entirely as stupid as he looks or acts.

"Nothing…I love her; that's it." Despite how confused and frustrated I was feeling before I couldn't stop myself from smiling. I didn't want to move on.

"So what are you gonna do?" After that day she kissed me I spent the entire night thinking about it, about her. I missed it and I realized I really was fooling myself thinking that us still being apart was a good idea. Obviously we needed to break up but I think after all that time we're finally ready for this.

"I love her," I repeated. "And I'm gonna tell her that."

"For real? You're gonna get back together?"

"Yeah." My smile wouldn't leave and I felt myself actually getting kind of excited at the thought. "Wait, what if she doesn't-"

"Alex…" he cut me off and looked at me with a blank stare.

"Right, you're right. Stop doubting. I want to get back together with her."

"Awesome, are you nervous?" At his question my heart rate picked up a bit.

"Well…now I am…"

"Don't be. I told you, she wants this too. She's wanted it since the day you broke up with her. So when you see her just tell her how you feel," he told me and I nodded.

"Yeah."

"This is nuts," he said and wrapped his arm tightly around my neck in what I think is a cross between a hug and a headlock. Either way he was kind of choking me. "MA BAYBEH IS GON GET HER GIRL BACK!" he yelled dramatically with a thick southern accent. I laughed at him and struggled to get out of his hold.

"Shut up you freak and let me go." He released me and I slapped him in the chest before I started walking away from him. "I'm gonna go tell her." When I reached the end of the aisle he stopped me.

"Wait, you're going _now_?" he asked and I turned around.

"Yeah why not?" I needed to do this before my paranoia and doubt could catch up with me again. He gestured around him with his arms and realization sunk in. "Oh crap, right…work." I walked back to him. I swear to God if I didn't have to work all day I would be out that door by now. "But tomorrow…I'm gonna do it."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Again I Go Unnoticed by Dashboard Confessional**

* * *

><p><strong>Hey, so I hope you liked it and I'm sorry that the next one's gonna be a while. My best friend's dad passed away and he's been there for me through everything and I want to be there for him now. I was very close to him and his family. He was like a second father to me and I just can't focus on writing right now. I don't know how long it will be but that brings me to my next point.<strong>

**I made a Twitter account to keep you guys updated with my writing: manhatanProject**

**It's only one T in manhattan because my username's apparently too long but yeah. Follow that if you have a Twitter...or make an account so you can follow me. whatever you want.**

**I hope you guys understand that it's really hard for me to update right now but I'm not abandoning this. I'll be back soon but for now I just can't. Once again, I'm sorry and I love you all. Thank you for reading.**

**-manhattanProject  
><strong>


	22. Always Be

**A/N 1: First off, I want to say thank you to everyone who sent their condolences. It meant the world to me. He's my best friend and I have spent literally everyday with him since it happened. He and his family are hanging in there; they're the strongest people I've ever met.**

**Also thank you to everyone who reviewed.**

**Also thank you to those who followed my new Twitter account. Once again, it's manhatanProject. Only one T in manhattan. Follow it.**

**This chapter...I don't particularly like. It's shorter than the others but it was necessary to write. I just need it because the next few ones are _so_ important to the story. And they are also what the story was mainly based on (along with the accident in The Push And Pull).**

**So, sorry for the quality, I know it sucks but bear with me please and feel free to leave a review.**

**Thanks guys, and thanks for being patient with me. I know my updates are getting slow.  
><strong>

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>22. Always Be<p>

_I thought I was something fierce  
>I thought I was ten times smarter<br>Love would be something that I just know  
>How you gonna know the feeling till you've lost it?<br>I've been losing plenty since_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I needed to go about this carefully. I spent literally all night, in my own house might I add, thinking of how I'm going to do this. And every time I think I got something I end up changing my mind. I didn't want this to be like the last time. I wanted it to be perfect, romantic even although that was probably a long shot. But I had to at least try.

The last time we went through this was…a nightmare. I mean, yeah sure I was glad that I finally got everything off my chest and out in the open but it was horrible. Telling her that I loved her resulted in yelling and crying and just overall misery. It was almost entirely my mom's fault because she had to come in and ruin everything like she always did. But it was my fault too.

I had been stubborn with her when I should have just trusted her like I know I could. But of course I decided to lash out instead. It technically worked out considering we did eventually end up together but that was a mess in itself. Our entire relationship was just that; a mess. And I don't want us to screw it up this time. I can't go through that pain twice in a lifetime.

I was going to go over her house yesterday but when I spoke to her over the phone after work she sounded a little off or tired or something. I didn't want to bother her and besides my mom hasn't even come home since that day she hit me in the face. She hasn't done that in a while. Normally she won't hit me anywhere that would be noticeable but she has been unpredictably psychotic lately.

I don't know what's going on with her but if it keeps her out of the house and away from me then I don't really care. All I care about is Mitchie and I want to get all this out in the open. Since I didn't get a chance to see her again yesterday I figured talking to her today would be best. I don't want to put this off. I know what I want and I'm going to make sure I go through with this.

"So did you tell her yet?" Frank took a seat next to me just after the late bell rang.

"No I didn't see her after work or this morning either. We have calculus after lunch but…I don't know…I don't really want to do it in school."

"Yeah you're probably better off waiting till you're alone or something."

"Exactly, and I'm gonna see her later anyway. I'm going over her house so she can help me study for that test tomorrow." Although we weren't in the same history class again we had the same teacher. He always covers the same material and gives the same tests to all of his classes so Mitchie said she would help me considering I never pay attention and don't know anything.

"Did you-"

"Alex?" Our teacher interrupted us and we both immediately looked to the front of the classroom.

"Yeah?"

"The answer?" Damn it, I hated when teachers would call on you when they _know_ you're not paying attention. But Mr. Williams was always a nice teacher so I felt bad for not knowing the answer to anything.

"What was the question?" I asked and he sighed but seemed amused.

"British East India Company…what was its purpose?" Never heard of it before in my entire life but I took a shot at it anyway.

"Uh…trade?"

"Correct…finally." Well I definitely didn't see that one coming.

"Wait…seriously?"

"Yes…every time I ask a question your answer is always the same so I figured I would throw you a bone this time, so…good job," he said and turned back around to write something on the board behind him. He was right though. My answer for everything always had to do with trade; I thought I was bound to be right eventually. My logic didn't always work out well though…especially when the question was about World War II. I pissed off a very passionate Jewish girl in my class one time. If you ask me, she was being way too sensitive.

"Wow I actually got something right."

"Well that makes one of us. I just can't wait till Thanksgiving so we can get a break from this place."

"Fuck that, I just want to skip it," I mumbled before scribbling down some notes.

"What? Why? Thanksgiving is the tits. It's a holiday that celebrates eating and stealing land. What's better than that?" he asked wondering why on Earth I didn't like it.

"Well, it's just such a…_family_ holiday. It's always so weird and tense at my house; I just want to get through it as quickly as possible." _Any_ holiday was weird and tense at my house. Any regular family dinner was weird and tense at my house.

"So come to my house. I mean, my family is retarded and dysfunctional but it sure as hell is funny to watch."

"I can't; my mom would kill me if I missed dinner." Just thinking about how pissed off she got last year when I asked if I could go to Mitchie's makes me want to cringe.

"Alright so come after. My family is nuts. All my step-relatives come over so there's mad food for dessert…snacks on snacks on snacks. We could burn before too!" he said excitedly before Mr. Williams asked him to keep it down. I would have told Frank he was being ridiculous but hanging out with one of my best friends after enduring the torture that is my mother during a holiday dinner sounds pretty good to me.

"I'll see if I can. Trust me I'll do anything to get out of hanging out with my family all night," I told him quietly.

"Yes! Now I won't be the only high one at my house…besides my grandpa."

"Relax; I'm not promising anything."

"Why? Are you gonna be busy with Mitchie that night?" he asked suggestively and I rolled my eyes before hitting him.

"Shut up."

"Alright, alright calm down it was just a joke." The teacher shushed us once again before refocusing his attention on the board again. "So…do you think you guys will even be back together by then?" he asked, now genuinely curious and I sighed while leaning back in my seat.

"I really hope so."

* * *

><p>The remainder of my day at school was uneventful. I sat with everyone during lunch, Mitchie included, but she seemed weird again. Normally when I think she's acting weird it's a cause for concern but I don't think it's something serious. She's not being cold or distant. She just looks…uncomfortable…maybe? I don't know. She looks sick or something.<p>

This did worry me at first because last time she acted anywhere remotely like this it was because she cheated on me and didn't tell me for a month. The difference here is that she isn't sad so I don't get it. It could seriously be nothing. I could just be paranoid and anxious because I'm trying to get back together with her.

I was so lost in my own thoughts I didn't even realize that I wasn't alone anymore. I was sitting in my living room on the couch and the TV was on some random channel that I wasn't paying attention to. I was staring at the screen when I felt a dip in the couch right next to me and to my surprise I saw Brian.

"You alright? You haven't blinked for like…a minute," he said and I finally shut my eyes, ignoring the slight burn I felt from keeping them open for so long.

"How long have you been here?"

"A minute." Oh, wow I really was zoning out. I sighed and put my feet up on the table and continued to look at the TV. "Is everything okay?"

"Yeah I'm just thinking."

"What's on your mind? You seem down lately." _Lately_? He seriously the most clueless man on the entire planet.

"It's nothing." What was I supposed to tell him? I'm nervous about telling my best friend that I love her and want to be with her again? No thank you.

"Come on, Alex. I hardly ever see you. You're never home."

"Neither are you," I told him pointedly, almost bitterly. I didn't mean to say it with attitude but I resented him a little for never being home enough. Maybe if he was I wouldn't have to constantly live in fear. Maybe if he was home more my mom wouldn't try anything.

"I know…" he trailed off and pinched the bridge of his nose. "I'm sorry, I know my work schedule is so hectic and busy and so is your mother's." Well I don't really care about _hers_. I prefer it when she has to work a lot. "I try to be home more, I really do but…I just need to work."

"Why?"

"Just…bills and stuff. You don't need to worry about it. But I really am sorry about being so absent." I knew he was sorry but it didn't change the fact that he's really the only one in my family that I can go to or talk to. Sure Max and I are fine but he's always out with his friends or at soccer practice so he's almost as absent as I am. Besides, I never really have long, in depth conversations with him anyway.

"Whatever, it's fine." I've never been cold to him but with my mom's relentless abuse this past month and him not being here when I needed _one_ of my parents it was finally starting to take its toll on me. I didn't want him to know about what was going on but it would have been nice to have someone besides Mitchie or Frank to just talk to.

"Alex I know when something's wrong." Was that supposed to be a joke?

"No you don't," I said defiantly as I narrowed my eyes but still kept looking straight ahead. I really didn't feel like looking at him. But even without seeing him I could tell he was getting annoyed with my behavior especially since he technically didn't really do anything to warrant it right now.

"Watch the attitude." I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms. "What happened? You used to talk to me about everything. What's going on with you?" He was persistent but I looked at the time on the cable box and I was supposed to be going over Mitchie's house soon. I figured it wouldn't hurt to go a little earlier than I had originally planned. Anything would be better than Brian asking me a million questions just because he's concerned all of a sudden.

"Nothing. I need to go to Mitchie's. I'll see you later…maybe." I stood up from the couch but so did he. Apparently our conversation wasn't over like I had hoped it would be.

"No, we're talking. She can wait; you're _always_ at Mitchie's house."

"I have a history test tomorrow; she's gonna help me study. So I'm leaving." I turned away so I could walk away but I didn't get very far because he lightly grabbed my arm to pull me back.

"Alex…" he started but then stopped once I turned back around to finally face him. His brows furrowed in both confusion and what looked like concern and worry and I didn't understand why. "Jesus, what happened to you?" he asked and it only took me about three seconds to realize what he was talking about.

"Nothing," I mumbled and tried to pull myself from his grasp.

"That's not nothing Alex." I completely forgot that I washed my face after I came home from school. I thought I was alone so I didn't bother covering up my bruise again until I went to Mitchie's. It didn't look as bad as it did a few days ago but it was still noticeable. "Who did this?"

"No one, it's not a big deal," I tried to tell him but he looked unconvinced. I internally started panicking. I doubt he would automatically assume it was my mom, his _wife_, who did this to me but I didn't want him to start guessing. "It happened at work," I told him in what I hoped was a casual tone.

"How?"

"Frank," I blurted out. I don't know why. It was all I could come up with.

"_Frank_ did this to you?" he asked incredulously and angrily. He knew I always hung out with him and that he was one of my best friends but I didn't want him to think he was a bad kid who…punches me in the face. I mean, he hits me but never to hurt me.

"It was an accident. I was helping him unpack boxes but the truck door was stuck. I was standing behind him so when he finally opened it he ended up elbowing me," I lied but I don't know if he actually bought it. He seemed less mad so I took that as a good sign. "It wasn't that bad. I iced it so it's going away." He sighed and finally let me go. "Don't worry about it, okay?"

"Okay, fine. Just be careful next time."

"I will."

"Are you going to be back for dinner?" he asked, changing the subject to something less uncomfortable and awkward.

"No I'm just going to eat there. I shouldn't be late though." Since my mom isn't home again I thought it would be safe to sleep in my own house tonight.

"Alright, have fun."

"I'm studying but okay, thanks," I said with a slight laugh to ease the tension and it worked a little. I could tell he was still concerned but he would let it go for now. I grabbed my jacket and pulled my hood on when I realized it started raining again. It wasn't as bad as it has been the last few days but it was really unpredictable. I got my things from the table and headed out the door after shouting a quick goodbye to Brian.

I walked a little faster than normal so I wouldn't have to be in the rain for longer than I had to. I reached her apartment in no time but I stopped before going into the lobby. I groaned and walked back and around to the side of the building. I hated climbing the fire escape but I didn't want to take my chances. I finally made it to her bedroom window and knocked on it when I realized it was locked.

"Alex?" I heard her call from the other side before she moved the blinds and opened the window for me. "Why didn't you just come through the front door?" I climbed through and once I made it into her room I removed my hood and embraced the warmth in here because I was starting to freeze outside.

"Sorry, but I forgot to cover my bruise again. And I didn't want to deal with your parents or worry them or something." I took off my jacket and hung it on the back of her chair before taking my shoes off too. "Brian saw it," I said and her eyes widened.

"Are you serious? What did you tell him?" I knew she wanted me to tell someone about my mom but I just couldn't. I went to her bathroom to dry my face so I can cover up my black eye and she followed me.

"I said Frank did it at work by accident."

"And he believed it?"

"Well yeah he's not just going to think his wife beat the crap out of me." Once I figured it looked decent enough I walked out with her into her room again.

"I guess you're right. Is that why you're here early?"

"Yeah, he just started getting all weird and asking me all these questions and I was getting mad so I didn't want to be there anymore. Which is weird considering my mom isn't even home again.

"Oh, alright. I figured you weren't this excited to _learn_," she joked as he took a seat on her bed before I did the same. "Did you bring your notes?"

"I mean, I don't know how helpful they're going to be but yeah I did." We were alone now. I was a little frustrated from my conversation with my stepdad but this seemed like a good opportunity to finally talk to her about how I feel.

* * *

><p>"Alex, knowing all the words to <em>We Didn't Start The Fire<em> doesn't count as studying. No wonder you copied off of my tests last year." Two hours…we've been studying for almost two hours. And that's _all_ we've been doing. After all my nervousness I thought that since we were together and alone now it would be easy. But every time she thinks I'm trying to stray from the topic at hand she thinks I'm doing it to put off studying.

"I've learned more about history from Billy Joel than I have from any history teacher I've ever had," I defended while she flipped through my notes.

"Half the things in here don't even make sense." She found it more amusing than frustrating but I really did need help with school. I just hated admitting that I _wanted_ help.

"I don't know, I occasionally look up at the board or if he says something I think sounds important I write it down."

"None of these notes have anything to do with each other. Are all your notes on the same page?"

"Maybe…"

"You misspelled a lot of things too."

"Alright I get it, I suck at school," I told her and she started laughing at something.

"You wrote Napoleon Bonerparte instead of Bonaparte."

"I thought that was his name!"

"Oh my God is that why you and Frank kept laughing in class last year when we learned about the French Revolution?"

"I seriously thought Rivera kept saying boner; it was hysterical." She shook her head and went over to her computer desk.

"Alright maybe if we use my notes we can actually get somewhere," she teased and grabbed a notebook before coming back.

"Can we take a break?" I practically begged. My brain was on overload from all the studying and it was wearing me out.

"Alex you haven't gotten a single question right and you've been here since five." I groaned and fell back on her bed with my legs still crossed. I draped an arm over my face but it was soon tugged away. I opened my eyes to see Mitchie sitting next to me. "Alright, I'll make you a deal. Answer this next question and we can stop for a while."

"Fine."

"Name the two political leaders involved in the Bay of Pigs Invasion." It sounded so familiar and I _knew_ she talked about it before but the whole time I was way too focused on telling her I love her. I don't know why I couldn't just…say it. "Okay…name at least _one_," she offered when I didn't answer. She really wanted to help me; bless her, but I have already accepted the fact that I was a lost cause when it came to school. "Okay…what _was_ the Bay of Pigs Invasion?"

"I know where in the song it's mentioned…" I tried with a smile but she just laughed and rolled her eyes at me…again.

"Just because it's mentioned doesn't mean you know what it is. Just take a guess and we'll take a break, I promise." I wracked my brain for _any_ information but I kept drawing a blank.

"Uhhhhh…Bay of Pigs…um…" She smiled as I struggled to come up with something, once again amused. "Was it…a revolt…of…famers?"

"Um…not exactly…" she said while trying to hold in her laughter.

"Guys! Dinner's ready!" her dad called out to us from inside. About an hour ago he came in to double check if I was staying for dinner and I'm glad I said yes because I _still_ haven't done what I came here to do. Well I came here to study too but I clearly haven't learned anything either. But I just keep chickening out. This is ridiculous.

"Well, looks like you're getting a break regardless. Come on." She sat up straight but I held onto her wrist before she could get off the bed.

"Mitch, wait." I had to do this. I couldn't keep putting it off or I would never do it. She moved back to where she was.

**Mitchie's POV**

"What's up?" I asked and she sat up straight too.

"Uh…" She looked kind of nervous or something and I had no idea what was going on. She breathed out once and shifted a bit before opening her mouth to speak again. "I-"

_Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE. Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME GO ALL OUT UP IN HERE, UP IN-_

Her phone went off and she grabbed it and muted it quickly before looking back up. I just stared at her weirdly.

"Since when is DMX your ringtone?" I asked with a slight laugh in my voice.

"Ugh, Frank keeps changing it when I'm not paying attention. I thought he just set that as my alarm. Waking up to DMX screaming at you is not fun. But at least he stopped making it Gucci Mane. I swear to God if I had to hear _burr_ one more time…"

"Frank's so retarded. Who was calling you anyway? You didn't even answer it."

"I don't know. It just said it was my house. I don't want to have another weird conversation with Brian though." I just shrugged and I remembered she was in the middle of telling me something.

"Oh alright, so what were you saying before?"

_Y'ALL GON' MAKE ME LOSE MY MIND UP IN HERE, UP IN HERE._

"For the love of God…" she mumbled and looked at her phone but furrowed her brows when she read the caller ID. "It's Max. Why is he calling? He never calls me…" She hit the answer button and held the phone to her ear. "Hello? I'm at Mitchie's. What happened?" she asked and I watched as her face changed to something I couldn't read. She stayed quiet for a while. "Are you serious? No, I know. Okay…" She was quiet again and then said bye to her brother before hanging up. She had this distant look on her face and it kind of scared me a bit.

"Alex?" I said and she snapped out of her thoughts and looked at me again.

"Um…so yeah…Bay of Pigs Invasion…" she trailed off and flipped through my notebook. She was acting so weird. What could Max possibly say to her to make her act like this?

"Alex…what just happened?"

"What?" Her head shot up but I just stared at her. "Oh, my dad died." And she went back to flipping through the notes. "Now, are you _sure_ it had nothing to do with farms? I mean, why would they call it Bay of Pigs if-"

"_What_?" I asked, completely shocked, but I wasn't the only one. We both turned to my bedroom door to see my parents standing there. They must have come to tell us again that dinner was ready. We all turned our attention back to Alex who didn't seem at all fazed upon hearing that her father had apparently died.

"Yeah, Max just told me…he passed away." She didn't even look sad or upset and that freaked me out. My parents looked just as concerned as I did. This was too weird. Her dad died…and she didn't even care.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Wow, did you see that one coming? See, this is why I felt weird writing this chapter and couldn't update right away. #irony. But still, hope you liked it even though I know it's not my best.**

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Always Be by Jimmy Eat World**


	23. Almost Easy

**A/N 1: Yes, finally I got this up. Thank you for the reviews; this story is almost at 200 and I'm actually blown away by that.**

**Thanks to those who follow me on Twitter: manhatanProject**

**Let me know who you are on here if you follow me; I just like knowing who everyone is lol.**

**The climax of the story is approaching so get ready! I hope you like this one.**

**Review too, that would be dope.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>23. Almost Easy<p>

_Shame pulses through my heart  
>From the things I've done to you<br>It's hard to face, but the fact remains  
><em>_That this is nothing new  
><em>_I left you bound and tied with suicidal memories  
><em>_Selfish beneath the skin but deep inside I'm not insane._

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

"Alex…" I said cautiously. I didn't know what to say. What can I possibly say to her? She looked up from the notebook again and looked at me before finally noticing my parents standing in the doorway.

"What?" Her tone was way too nonchalant for someone who just learned of their father's death. "Oh it was JFK and Castro. Damn it I _knew_ that," she mumbled mainly to herself looking back down at the notes, but we just continued staring at her. How was she still thinking about the Bay of Pigs invasion after this?

"Alex, are you okay?" my mom asked as they both now stepped into the room fully.

"Yeah I'm fine." The casualness of her voice was so bizarre. "Why wouldn't I be?" Was that a serious question?

"Because…you just found out your dad died."

"So?" This was impossible. It was also a little conflicting. I didn't want to set her off but what would it take to get a reaction out of this girl?

"Alex…" my dad started while approaching my bed where we were sitting. "I can drive you home if you'd like…you know, if you don't want to walk in the rain. You probably want to be with your family right now," he offered but to our surprise she actually looked confused. Like what he said was so outrageous.

"No, I'm fine," she politely declined but I couldn't tell if she really was okay or if she was lying and just very convincing.

"Can you guys just give us a minute?" I finally said to my parents. They looked at each other briefly before nodding and closing my bedroom door on their way out. "Alex…"

"Why does everyone keep saying my name like that? I told you, I'm fine. Now can we talk about something else?" She asked, now sounding slightly annoyed. Well, annoyed was better than nothing. I think we might be getting somewhere.

"I just don't get how you're taking this so well. My dad's right, you should be with your family." I know she hated being around her family but I mean, come on…under these circumstances I highly doubt she should be scared of being home.

"You're all ridiculous. Why doesn't anyone believe me?" I didn't know how to answer her. I just gave her this look of sympathy and she let out a long, dragged out sigh. "Fine, okay? _Fine_, if it'll make everyone happy, I'll go home." She got off of my bed and grabbed her notebook along with her school bag. "Thanks for helping me study; I'll see you tomorrow," she said and headed to my window.

"Wait, you're using the fire escape? It's pouring out; if you're really going home my dad said he would drive you."

"Whatever, it's not like I live far. Don't worry about me." She didn't sound like she was mad at me but I could tell she just wanted me off her back. I obviously didn't want to upset her in case she really was lying about being fine…which I think she is.

"Okay…um, then yeah I'll just see you at school." She didn't say anything else before she reopened my window and climbed out onto the fire escape. I closed it once she was down on the street and I turned back around and went to my living room. My parents were sitting at the dinner table when they noticed I was there.

"Where's Alex?"

"She went home."

"She did?" I nodded and took a seat across from my dad.

"Dad, I'm worried about her."

"What else is new?"

"I'm serious. This isn't like the times her mom would hurt her. She used to hide it but now she's pretty open about it with me. And I could see it breaking her because she's always breaking down. But _this_…this _should_ be breaking her. She didn't even look sad…at all." My parents didn't say anything. They just sat there looking lost in their own thoughts until finally my dad's expression changed.

"Wait…when she said her dad died…did she mean her stepdad or her real dad?" At that question I froze. She couldn't have meant Brian. She might have argued with him today but she loves Brian. She wouldn't be _fine_ if she was talking about her stepdad.

"It had to be her real father. She wouldn't have reacted like that if it wasn't. I mean, I know she hasn't heard from him in like…four or five years but still…how can she feel _nothing_?" I wondered out loud.

"Oh that poor girl. She must be so confused about how to feel," my mom said sadly.

"I don't know how to talk to her or what to say to her."

"What _can_ you say to her? Nothing. This is obviously a sensitive subject for her. She's your best friend, just…I don't know, be there for her. She doesn't need or want someone telling her that everything is going to be okay. This might really be eating her away inside but she just doesn't know what to do. And if it is then you have to be careful around her." My dad had a point. Alex usually had a short fuse, always stubborn and irrational.

"You're right. But if she really is upset about it I just don't want to say something that might set her off."

* * *

><p>When I went to school the next day I knew I had to be cautious of what I said and did. There was no way Alex was taking this as well as she was letting on. Her relationship with her dad wasn't always bad. She told me that she used to be extremely close with him. She loved her dad and she was crushed when he left. This had to bother her just a little. It's not healthy for her to bottle everything up again.<p>

We were in our calculus class, not really talking much since our professor had a stick up his ass today and kept threatening everyone to shut up. It was probably for the best anyway. I really felt like Alex was a ticking time bomb. But I wanted to be there for her. I wanted to help her open up about everything before she explodes.

"Hey, I never asked during lunch, how did the test go?" I felt like it was a casual enough question, plus I was genuinely curious. I mean I _did_ spend two hours trying to tutor her.

"I think I failed. I told you, I'm just bad at school," she mumbled sounding somewhat irritated but not at me. I wanted to help her, I really did, but it's so difficult to do so when she's so hard on herself.

"Don't think like that; I'm sure you did fine."

"Well I know I got at least _one_ right, that's for sure." She breathed out a short, humorless laugh and I raised an eyebrow. "Bay of Pigs invasion." I smiled and shook my head but before I could open my mouth to respond our teacher interrupted us. And he looked pissed.

"Guys! How many times do I need to tell you to _stop talking_! God, everyone, just shut up!"

"What's his problem?" someone in the back whispered but not quietly enough because he looked beyond fed up.

"Alright, that's it. Clear your desks, pop quiz." Everyone groaned and shouted, including Alex. She looked like she was about to explode, which was ironic considering I have been waiting for her to do just that. I just didn't think it would be because of math. "There's ten minutes left. I will put two problems on the board and you have the rest of the period to finish. Let's see who's been paying attention today. Don't forget to show _all_ of your work and you can leave if you finish," he instructed and turned around to start writing the problems.

"You've got to be fucking kidding me," Alex mumbled while looking down at her paper. She put her hand over her face before breathing in deeply. The questions were hard, even for me, but I knew the formulas we learned today. Alex, I knew, was struggling. At around the five minute mark I was just about done and I subtly glanced over at Alex's quiz only to find she wrote absolutely nothing. She was just staring at the paper with this blank look on her face.

"Alex," I whispered as quietly as I could. She looked over at me and I moved my paper a little to the right so she could read my answers. I usually don't like people cheating off of me but I felt bad for Alex and I didn't want her to fail. She started to copy what I had down but she looked confused and I wondered how much time was left for the bomb.

I thought I could help, whether it was with school or her father's death but I'm learning that it's easier said than done. It's a tricky thing, disarming a bomb. You have to be extremely careful. But the thing about disarming bombs is that someone might choose the wrong wire to cut. And the bomb will explode.

The answers were clearly written and boxed off but my work was all over the place and I could tell she had no idea what to do. I could only help her so much with this but I saw her getting more and more frustrated until she finally snapped. She gripped her pencil tightly before breaking it half in her hand. She threw the pieces on the floor and grabbed both her paper and her bag, stood up and walked towards the front of the classroom. Instead of handing in her quiz she crumpled it and threw it in the trashcan and left, slamming the door on her way out.

I watched as she left and quickly got up, seeing as that I was done, and I left my paper on the front desk and followed her into the hall. She walked over to her locker and tried to open it but had trouble putting in her combination. I slowly approached her, not wanting to startle her accidentally, and tapped her on her shoulder.

"What?" she said angrily without turning around and continued to struggle with her locker.

"Just stop," I suggested. She was just making herself angrier since she was too frustrated to open the lock correctly. She groaned loudly and finally stopped trying.

"Fuck!" she shouted in the empty hall and hit the door of her locker and kicked the one underneath it.

"Alex, calm down." She turned around and her brows were scrunched together in annoyance.

"No! First I can't pass a history test. Then fucking dickhead Mr. Sherman decides to give the most impossible pop quiz like he _wants_ me to fail. And now I can't even open my damn locker! Am I really that fucking stupid?" She asked as she finished her rant and I was shocked at how mad she really was.

"You're not stupid; you're just having a bad day. You're gonna be fine."

"No I'm not! No matter how hard I try I can't do well in school and every time I think my day can't get any worse it does! And I just want to go home but I don't want to be with my family because not only is my mom a lunatic but now everyone's all sad because my fucking piece of shit dad is dead! And you know what? I'm _glad_ he is!" she screamed now completely past the point of no return. This is the first real emotion she has shown about her dad dying but I was actually a little scared. I thought she was secretly upset but she was…happy about it?

"Come on Alex you don't really mean that." I don't know why I said that but I really couldn't understand what she was actually thinking.

"Yes I do! Mitchie, I _hate_ him. I thought I could count on him and he left me when I needed him the most. He means nothing to me. He obviously didn't give a shit about me so why should I give a shit about him?" she seethed and I could practically feel her anger radiating off of her. She looked like she was trying not to cry even though there were no tears in her eyes. She closed her hands into fists, slightly trembling at her sides as her anger only amplified. "I'm _so_ glad he's gone. I hate him, I hate him, I _fucking_ hate him!" she yelled and swung one of her fists into her still closed locker. This bomb was a lot bigger than I thought it was. "Ah, shit!" she hissed in pain and clutched her soon to be swelling hand in her other.

"Jesus, are you okay?" I asked worriedly and immediately reached out to look at her injured hand. To my surprise she didn't pull away and actually let me do it. "Your knuckles are already bruising; can you move it at all?" She tried to move her fingers but they only moved a little and she winced when they did. "Try to make a fist." She did as I asked but nearly cried out in pain and shook her head.

"I can't, I can't do it."

"Alright, come on let's get you to the nurse. I think you sprained it." She didn't say anything but she nodded her head slightly and we walked to the nurse's office together in silence. On the way there I glanced over at her a couple times and I couldn't help but notice that she hasn't shed a single tear this entire time. The news of her dad dying, her stress from school, her swollen and bruised hand…nothing was making this girl cry, and that worried me.

* * *

><p>It turns out she actually didn't sprain her hand. The nurse sent her to the hospital to have x-rays taken and so she could get bandaged up properly. Since then she hasn't mentioned what happened. I asked how her hand was but that's as far as that conversation went. I think one explosion was enough.<p>

I'm not sure if I was actually surprised that she came into school the next day. I mean, I was surprised she came in the day before. When my grandpa died when I was eleven I stayed home after I found out. Granted I was only eleven but Alex is clearly harboring some repressed anger from all of this.

"It's just so weird, Dad." I was sitting at the dinner table with my parents and of course they were curious as to how Alex was handling this…situation. "First she's fine, then she blows up and punches a locker, then she's fine again…like she _didn't _hurt her hand because she was so mad."

"Was it bad?"

"Her hand? No it's not serious. It's just bruised a bit. She'll be fine…physically. Emotionally…I have no clue."

"Well I don't know what to tell you other than just let her be. She needs to cope on her own terms." I sighed and continued to push my food around on my plate.

"I know. But I-" I was cut off by my phone ringing and I looked down at the table. Alex's name appeared on the screen. I hit answer not really caring about having the conversation in front of my parents. "Hello?"

"Hey, Mitch…um, is this a bad time?" she asked sounding a little nervous which was weird because she has no reason to be nervous when talking to me.

"No I'm just eating dinner, why? What's up?"

"Nothing but is it alright if I come over tonight?"

"Yeah sure, when?"

"Well…I was hoping…now? I'm kind of…downstairs already."

"Oh, yeah that's fine. Come on up."

"Okay, thanks." I hung up the phone and looked back up to see my parents staring at me.

"Alex is here."

"Right now?"

"Yeah, she seemed a little off so I don't know what's going on but she wanted to come over," I told them just as we heard a knock on the door. "It's open!" She walked in, almost cautiously, like she hasn't been here a million times before in her life. "Hey."

"Hi, I'm sorry I didn't mean to-" she started but my mom cut her off and stood from her chair.

"Oh, nonsense, are you hungry?" She asked as she went to the kitchen.

"No, I'm fine, really," she politely declined.

"Don't be ridiculous. Come, sit." She awkwardly took the chair next to me while my mom set a plate of food in front of her.

"Thank you." She was quiet and didn't say much throughout dinner and I couldn't tell if it was because my parents were here or because she really had nothing to say. After dinner and some small talk we went into my room. We were sitting on my bed in silence until I finally asked.

"Alex, not that I don't love having you over but…you just sounded weird on the phone. Is everything okay?" She lied down on her back and I moved to lie with her. She sighed and ran her hands over her face.

"I just needed to get out of my house."

"You seemed like you were…I don't know, in a rush. I mean, you were already here when you called." She turned her head to face me and drew in a deep breath.

"The wake is tonight and I didn't want to go with them. My mom was getting mad saying that I _had_ to be there…so I left."

"Why didn't you go?"

"Because Mitch…I don't want to be there. I _can't_ be there. I can't just sit around pretending to be mourning and look all depressed and listen to a bunch of people I haven't heard from in a million years tell me how sorry they are for my loss. And I can't stand to be around my mom. She's so annoying now, as if she wasn't bad enough before." I rolled over onto my side and looked at her. She didn't look sad. She looked only slightly frustrated and seemingly deep in thought.

"I'm sorry…I know it's not what you want to hear but I am," I offered not knowing how to comfort her. To be honest, all I want to do is hug her or something. I want to hold her and tell her it's okay to feel sad about this. I want to tell her that things with her family will get better. But I can't do any of that.

"Thank you," she said quietly while looking down and away from me. "Hey um, Mitch?"

"Yeah?" She just looked at me for a moment or two and sighed. "What is it?"

"Nothing. It's nothing." Then she sat up and leaned her back against my headboard.

"Are you sure?" She nodded and insisted that it was nothing important. I let it go, not wanting to get on her nerves by pushing her. I felt like I was walking on eggshells with her. I suggested watching a couple shows or a movie on Netflix mainly to avoid conversation. I didn't like purposely not talking to her but for the first time I didn't know what to do. At least this way if we did talk it would be about what we're watching so the tension eased significantly. After a few hours of lying on my bed together it started getting late. Just as an episode of Skins ended I started feeling tired. "Remind me again why you like this show so much."

"What? It's a good show!" she defended but I rolled my eyes. This is what happens when I let her hold the Xbox controller. I just stared at her. "And Effy is perfection in human form," she admitted.

"Oh God…"

"Oh don't act like you weren't thinking the same thing."

"I mean, she's alright."

"Alright? Mitchie I don't think we can be friends anymore."

"You're the one who watches an entire show just because you think a girl is hot."

"Hey, you gotta admit; you can't help but watch it. It's addicting." I mean, she had a point…

"You just have a thing for British people," I teased and she shifted a little on the bed.

"No, I just have a thing for really hot brunettes…" she trailed off and even though I was still looking at the television screen I could have _sworn_ I saw her glance my way when she said that. My mind had to be playing tricks on me because there's no way that happened. I decided to ignore it and I got up to shut the Xbox off. "Thanks for letting me stay here," she said randomly as I came back to the bed. We changed into comfortable clothes before we started watching TV. We were now lying next to each other again.

"You don't have to keep thanking me all the time. I already told you-"

"I know…but, um…would it be alright if I stayed here tomorrow too?" I would always rather have her be here instead of her home. I don't know why she's being shy about it.

"Sure."

"It's just…there's another wake tomorrow and-"

"Alex…"

"I know you think it's wrong that I'm not going but I just can't, okay?" I sighed but didn't want to argue with her about this. Like my dad said, she has to cope on her own.

"Okay." I turned over onto my side and faced away from her, closing my eyes to try and sleep but her voice prevented me from doing so.

"I'm sorry." She sounded so small and weak, like she was far away from me even though she was right here.

"Why?" I asked, still facing my wall.

"I don't mean to be all weird or…a bitch to you."

"You're not a bitch, Alex." You're just sad. You're hurt and broken and torn up inside but don't know how to show it or tell anyone. You're holding every emotion inside of you because you're confused. You're upset because you loved your dad but he left you so you don't want to miss him now that you know he really is never coming back. But you're definitely not a bitch…just hurt. I could hear the shaky breath she drew in but her voice didn't sound like it was breaking. I didn't have to turn around to know that she still wasn't crying.

"Um, the day after tomorrow…is the funeral. And…I'll go…" Okay now my mind _had_ to be playing tricks on me. She actually wanted to go to her dad's funeral? "But…will you come with me?" At that question I finally turned over to my other side. She was already facing me and my previous assumptions were confirmed. There wasn't a single tear in her eye. But I knew Alex and I could just bet that it was hard enough for her to even consider going let alone asking me to go too.

"Yeah, I'll come." A quiet _thank you_ fell from her lips and before my eyes could even fully close I felt Alex move closer to me. Despite her weird behavior I knew I would be there for her no matter what. I wrapped both my arms around her and hugged her tightly. What else could I do for her?

* * *

><p>I paced back and forth across my living room floor, effectively distracting my dad from some show he was trying to watch. He didn't go into work today because there's supposed to be a storm today. He always closed when it rained badly because the garage he works at floods way too easily. But I could tell I was annoying him by constantly getting in his way.<p>

"Mitchie, you're not invisible, you know. And your feet are going to burn tracks in the floor. Stop moving so much."

"I'm sorry. It's just…I don't like funerals. And I'm nervous about what's going to happen. Her mom's going to be there." I haven't had the displeasure of seeing Theresa Russo since mid-January. She obviously wouldn't try or say anything in front of a bunch of friends and family, and in a _church_ no less.

"I'm sure Alex is nervous about this too but it's good that she's going. Try and keep it together for her because I'm sure she's even more anxious than you are." I sighed and finally stopped walking.

"I know but…what if she changed her mind? What if she's not going to go after all? I mean, she said she was going to pick me up so we could go to the church at eleven and it's already-" my rant was cut short by my phone going off in the back pocket of my black skinny jeans. It was literally the only thing I could wear since it was so cold and rainy out. I pulled my phone out and saw that it was a text message from Alex. "Oh never mind, she's here." My dad rolled his eyes at my impatience. "I'll text you later to let you know when I'm coming home, okay?"

"Okay…just be safe in this weather."

"I will, bye Dad," I called out as I grabbed my things and headed out the door and down the stairs. Alex was waiting for me in her car and I quickly got in so I wouldn't get wet. When I closed the door I looked over at her and right away noticed how tense she was. "Hey."

"Hey." She put the car in drive but stayed where she was until I put my seatbelt on. "You look nice," she said right before pulling away from the curb. It was weird how calm her voice is; tired, but calm.

"Oh, thank you." I wasn't really in anything special; obviously not as casual as usual and I'm wearing less makeup than I normally would…not that I wear a lot to begin with but I was practically wearing none right now. "How'd it go last night?"

"Um…" She didn't sleep over again last night. After the wake ended she went home and I have no idea what happened. "My mom didn't talk to me. I don't know if I should be relieved or scared about that. But she barely looked at me when I came back. Brian didn't talk to me about it. He just asked me how my night was and Max just went to bed."

"Are you gonna sit next to them in the church?"

"No," she replied without hesitation.

"But he's your father…"

"No. He isn't." Her voice was firm and she left no room for argument but it's not like I was going to force her to sit with her family anyway.

"Alright, whatever you want, Alex." We continued to drive to the church, mainly in silence. The rain wasn't too terrible but I could still feel my heart racing and beating against my chest. I wondered if she could tell just how off my breathing was. She probably couldn't; she has her own problems to worry about right now.

"I can't believe I'm actually doing this," she sighed after she parked her car down the block from the church. She leaned her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.

"Well it's good that you are, you know, out of respect I guess," I offered and she turned to look at me with a blank expression.

"That's a joke," she said dryly before undoing her seatbelt and getting out of the car. I followed and opened an umbrella for the two of us to walk under. The church was about halfway to three quarters full and I let Alex lead the way, letting her pick the seat where she felt most comfortable. We walked up the aisle all the way to the front and she moved to take a seat on the left side. "Come on."

"Shouldn't I sit somewhere else?" I whispered to her but she just grabbed my hand and pulled me along. It was weird to sit up here where the family is supposed to be.

"No, if I have to sit here then so do you. I need you with me." I nodded and allowed her to drag me to the spot closest to the aisle. Her mom and brother weren't here yet but I saw Brian take a seat on the right side in the front, probably where her mom and Max were going to be. After around fifteen minutes of watching Alex look down at her shoes a priest asked everyone to stand up as the doors opened revealing a few men bringing in a casket.

As they all neared the front, Theresa and Max made their way to the right side to sit next to Brian. What I didn't notice before though, was that someone else was walking with them. He looked to be somewhere in his twenties with neatly combed short, black hair and a black suit. He sat down next to Max and held a somber almost uncomfortable look on his face and then I finally realized who it was; Justin. I haven't seen him since I was maybe thirteen years old. I glanced over at Alex who was staring daggers at him and I held her hand once again to get her to relax a bit.

"Just don't look at him." Her jaw was set tight and I felt like she would break her own teeth if she gritted them any harder. After a moment she eased up but still kept our hands together until it was time for prayer. I could tell she wasn't even listening to anything and I tuned out most of what the priest was saying anyway.

We sat down again and the priest recited passages from the bible and Alex looked like she was in a world of her own. She looked like she was bored and annoyed at everything he was saying. It wasn't until we were nearing the end of the mass that she finally looked up again. At some point during the ceremony she rejoined our hands and she was now gripping it tightly as the priest announced that Jerry's son was going to speak. Alex narrowed her eyes at the man walking over to the microphone.

"First off, I want to thank everyone for coming. It means a lot to me and my family and it would have meant a lot to my father," he began and Alex just grew angrier and angrier the more he spoke. "My dad would always tell us about the importance of family and how we should always stick together. Growing up, he was always there for us when we needed him. He would be there right away to help us up when we fell or make us laugh with a really bad joke when we were upset.

"He wasn't just a father, but a friend. And not just to his kids, but to everyone. People in our apartment knew him as the kind man who always greeted everyone with a smile and helped anyone who needed it. Everyone knew him; the people at the grocery store and the deli and the bar, because we all know how much he loved the bar.

"A little over a year ago, he told me that he had gone to the doctor and they said that he only had a few months to live. I didn't believe him at first because he didn't even look sick. And because I believed that my dad was a fighter, and he really was and he continued to fight through it for another year…for his family. If there was one thing my dad loved, more than anything in this world, it was his kids."

People around us had tears in their eyes but not Alex. She was still glaring at him and her grip on my hand has tightened significantly I thought she was going to snap it in half. Once it was mentioned that her father loved his children I heard her scoff. It wasn't loud enough for others to hear but I caught it. I know she was mad but it was still kind of rude to do at a funeral.

"Alex," I whispered, trying to tell her to stop.

"What? This is such bullshit," she said back just as quietly.

"Still…" She sighed and slumped in her seat a bit.

"Fine." The speech finally concluded as did the rest of the ceremony and we followed everyone out of the church. It was still raining when we made it outside and everyone got into their cars to follow the hearse to the cemetery. Alex wordlessly put her hazards on and we drove, once again, in silence. And I didn't fail to notice that her eyes were as dry as they were when she picked me up this morning.

We all parked in a line at the cemetery by the grave site and stood around as the priest said more prayers. We were all given flowers to place on the casket as our last goodbye before it was finally lowered. Alex's family members were a wreck, not just her immediate family but her cousins and grandparents and aunts and uncles; everyone except for her. She even refused the flower when it was given to her. She didn't want to say goodbye.

Everyone was invited to go to a luncheon at an ale house about five minutes from our houses. It was her dad's favorite bar/restaurant and the owner apparently was a good friend of his so he offered to host it. I could tell Alex didn't really want to go but she didn't say anything or argue about it. I would have gone home if she wanted to and I told her that but she said we might as well.

We sat at a small table with a couple of Alex's cousins, away from her mom. There were literally buckets of alcohol on the tables. This lunch was supposed to celebrate her dad's life with the things he loved the most; his friends and family, drinking, and having a good time. Alex and I didn't touch any of the beer though. I knew Alex just wanted to get through this as quickly and as painlessly as possible.

"Hey, so I wanted to say thank you again for joining us for lunch. This was my dad's favorite place to just go and hang out with his friends. This…all of you guys…and all of his kids here together as a family…this is what he would've wanted. So help yourselves to some food, we've got beer and wine on the tables and let's all raise a glass…to Jerry Russo," Justin announced and everyone stood and shouted his named but Alex remained silent.

"Hey, you okay?" I asked, even though I know that she was pissed off.

"Can you believe the crap that is coming out of his mouth? Why did I even come here?"

"Don't worry we can go home whenever you want. We can even go back to my place if you don't want to go to your house." She nodded and leaned her head against my shoulder. Throughout lunch I noticed Alex visibly relaxing. We were eating and talking to her cousins when all of a sudden we were interrupted by yet another announcement.

"I hope you're all enjoying the food. I uh, I put together something for today, kind of like a slideshow just as a sort of tribute to him." He had a laptop set up to the large television screens throughout the bar and they began showing various pictures of Alex's dad. Some were of him when he was younger; some were of him with his friends. A picture from his wedding day with Alex's mom came up and Alex rolled her eyes.

Then the pictures started showing her in them when she was younger. In one of them she was maybe only three or four years old. They were in a house I didn't recognize. Her dad was asleep on the couch and Alex was right next to him cuddled into his side with her head on his lap. She had an oversized jacket draped over her as a blanket and her father's arm around her protectively.

The next picture was at some type of fair or amusement park and her dad was carrying her on his shoulders while holding Justin's hand. Alex was wearing a large pair of aviator sunglasses and a baseball cap turned to the back which was most likely her dad's. All three of them had the biggest smiles on their faces. These were the most adorable pictures I had ever seen. No one would ever think that Alex had issues with her family.

The pictures started showing all three of them with their dad and once again the people around us had tears in their eyes. And of course, _once again_, Alex was just staring at the screen. After a couple more photos of them passed the screen went black. All of a sudden a video started playing. It was at the park by our house. I think she was five years old.

"_Dad look you have to watch this!" Alex was sitting on a red bicycle without the training wheels on. Her brother was standing beside her, holding the seat. He was around ten or eleven._

"_Alright, Alex I know you've been practicing…are you ready?" The little girl on the bike excitedly nodded her head. "Justin, do you think she's ready?"_

"_She almost got it yesterday and she didn't even need me to help her once!" he shouted to his dad who was holding the camera. "Show him," he told Alex who slowly started to pedal, all while Justin trailed behind her with his hand on the seat just in case. "Okay Alex just tell me when." She continued for a few more seconds before she told him to let go. She continued going alone and even turned along the path to circle back around. Once she made it back she gripped the brakes and the bike came to a halt._

"_Did you see me, Daddy? I went around the park all by myself!" she yelled as she took her helmet off._

"_That was amazing, sweetie, I'm so proud of you! I told you you could do it."_

"_Justin's been teaching me! I bet I could beat you in a race," she challenged and her dad let out a loud laugh at her enthusiasm and confidence._

"_You're on, kid. Just name the time and place."_

"_Right now!"_

"_Now? I don't know honey, are you sure?" She once again nodded her head quickly and then the screen briefly cut to black before it came back, this time showing Alex and her dad both on their bikes. Her dad looked huge compared to the tiny little girl next to him._

"_Alright Dad are you ready to get your butt kicked by a girl?" Justin's voice sounded who was now holding the camera._

"_I don't know, I'm pretty fast…I don't think she can keep up with me," he bragged and Alex rolled her eyes at him. I guess some things never change._

"_I bet she could! I'm the one who taught her!" Justin shouted and stepped back to show the entire path of the park._

"_Yeah, yeah, we'll see."_

"_Okay, on go, first one around the park wins. One…two…three…go!" At that they both started pedaling. Alex struggled a bit but then started going more smoothly. Her dad obviously had no trouble but as Alex tried to pedal faster he purposely slowed down a bit so she could pass him. "Come on Alex, kick Dad's butt!" She picked up the pace and eventually passed her father who had a fake shocked look on his face._

"_What! She passed me! How is she faster than I am? Alex, stop cheating!" he called out to her and she smiled wide and giggled just as she made her last turn._

"_I'm not cheating!" They continued riding their bikes until Alex finally made it back to where Justin was standing. She braked and took her helmet off just as her dad stopped right next to her._

"_I can't believe you beat me!" He got off of his bike and picked Alex up from hers, throwing her over his shoulder. She yelled in surprise as he spun her around multiple times._

"_Daddy put me down!"_

"_You little cheater," he joked and finally stopped spinning. She was laughing uncontrollably. "I'm just kidding sweetie. You did fantastic."_

"_Really?" she asked, her big brown eyes staring at him hopefully._

"_You bet. You just learned and you're already better than I am!" She smiled brightly again and threw her arms around her dad's neck._

"_I love you, Daddy," she said and gave him a big kiss on the cheek. "Thank you."_

"_Hey I'm the one who taught you how to ride a bike!" Justin yelled at her and their dad set her down. Alex started running towards him. "No! I didn't want a hug!" He turned away and the camera was aimed at the floor as he started sprinting away from her. The sounds of laughter and shouting rang through until their dad finally took the camera back and panned to his two children._

"_Aw come on Justin, you love your sister." They stopped running around and Alex jumped on his back. She hugged him tightly and kissed his cheek too. Justin made a face and pretended to be grossed out but started laughing and held her so that he was properly giving her a piggy back ride._

"_Thank you, Justin!"_

"_Yeah, yeah, anytime. Come on let's race Dad back to the house!" he said and took off running with Alex on his back._

"_What! That's not fair! I have to bring the bikes back!"_

"_He's so old he'll never catch up to us. See you at home grandpa!" he screamed loud enough for his dad to hear and Alex squealed with laughter again, holding onto her older brother as they ran out of the park together._

The video stopped and more pictures started showing again but I looked at Alex and she had her hands balled into fists and she looked _mad_. I could hear her breathing through her nose trying not to lose it but I could tell that she wasn't going to be able to stop herself. Without saying a word she pushed herself away from the table to stand up and she left the ale house as quickly as she could.

I immediately got up and followed after her. The last time she did this she punched her locker and I don't need her hurting herself again. I walked outside and saw her sitting on a bench on the side of the wall. Her head was in her hands and I took a seat next to her.

"Are you okay?" Dumb question but something needed to be said.

"Why the _fuck_ would he show any of that? Who does he think he is coming here after four fucking years and calling us a family!"

"I'm sure he meant well-"

"No he just wants everyone to think we're not fucked up and dysfunctional but we are! I hate him, I hate _all _of them! I knew I shouldn't have come today."

"You're just upset and it's understandable, you-"

"I'm not upset," she said defensively but this weird indifferent attitude was slowly starting to waver.

"Alex, it's okay to be sad about it," I told her gently and reached out to hold her hand. She looked down at them and then back up at me then back down again. When she finally looked back up I saw it…the first tears in her eyes all week. They were finally there. They silently rolled down her face until she choked out a sob and I pulled her into me and hugged her. All those days of holding back every emotion she really felt were finally coming out and she cried _relentlessly_ into my chest. "Shh, it's okay Alex." I kept one hand on her back and moved the other to stroke her hair.

"No it's not," she mumbled into my shirt. She lifted her head up and her eyes were already bloodshot. "He was my dad and he left me. He didn't want me. Why didn't he want me, Mitchie?" she asked desperately and resumed her crying, bringing her head back down to where it was before. I knew this was going to happen but I didn't know what to do. So I just held her and let her cry. We stayed like that for a while until her breathing evened out a bit and she wasn't hyperventilating. Her crying finally slowed and she pulled away from me again. "Is it alright if we go home now?"

"Yeah, sure." She took a deep breath and held my hand a little tighter.

"I'm really glad you came with me today, Mitchie. I seriously can't thank you enough."

"Of course, it's no problem at all," I said and we just stared at each other. Even with her eyes red and filled with tears she still managed to somehow look absolutely beautiful. She always did.

"Alex?" A voice pulled our attention away from each other. We both looked up and saw Justin standing by the door of the ale house. Alex's face dropped once again and she looked away. "Oh…hi Mitchie."

"Hey."

"What do you want?" she asked harshly, letting go of my hand.

"I noticed you walked out so after the slideshow I came out here."

"_Why_?" She narrowed her eyes at him and stood up and walked over to him.

"I wanted to see if you were okay." Oh I just _know_ Alex is going to react badly to that.

"Are you kidding me? Is that a fucking joke? Why don't you just fuck off, leave me alone, and get lost? Oh, wait! You already did that!" she yelled at him, her face red with anger but Justin's face remained the same.

"Look Alex, I know you have every right to be mad at me. I know I deserve it for what I did but-"

"No! You don't _know_! You have _no_ idea what you even did to me! Do you even remember the things you said? You said I was worthless and disgusting. You told me that I didn't deserve to be alive for splitting our family up! So go fuck yourself Justin!" Her tears came back full force and her voice was getting hoarse from yelling and crying so much.

"I know! And I'm sorry! I was horrible but please just hear me out!"

"_What_! Why should I? When Mom and Dad got divorced and you blamed me you wouldn't hear _me_ out! If you're not going to leave then I will," she told him and turned around and started walking away but he grabbed her by the arm and held her in place.

"Alex, wait!"

"Let me go Justin or I swear to God I will punch you or scream until someone thinks you're trying to assault me," she threatened and I knew she was being one hundred percent serious.

"I'm not letting you go until we talk. There are things you need to know."

"Why now, huh? Why'd you wait four fucking years to finally talk to me again? You know what? I don't want to hear it. I don't even care anymore. So leave me alone." She yanked her arm from his grasp and walked back into the ale house. Not even half a minute later she came back, holding both of our coats and her car keys. She walked right past her brother and grabbed my hand and pulled me away and down the block to her car. Once we reached it she unlocked it and we both got in, shivering and wet from the rain. "Can we please go back to your house now?" she asked shakily as she gripped the steering wheel with all her might.

"Well yeah, but…I really think you should have-"

"Mitchie! Not now!" she snapped at me but then quickly took a breath and calmed down. "Please?" she asked more quietly. "I don't want to talk about it. I don't want to talk to him."

"Okay, I'm sorry." We made it back to my house in no time, not one of us uttering a single word the whole way there. When we went upstairs to my apartment I opened the door and Alex went in first and headed straight for my room. My dad got up from the couch to ask what was going on but I just shook my head begging him not to ask. I went into my bedroom and found Alex already lying on my bed on her side. I lied down next to her. She didn't say anything; she just cried into my chest again. I ran my hand up and down her back but I also said nothing. There was nothing to say. She knows that all I'm going to say is that I'm here for her. I just hope she knows that I'll never leave her. And that she's not alone, she never was and she never will be. I was going to help her get through this no matter what.

* * *

><p><strong>Ohhhh shit, Justin's back! I hope you missed Theresa...because she's coming back too...<strong>

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Almost Easy by Avenged Sevenfold**


	24. Down With The Sickness

**A/N 1: Now that FF finally let me on to upload this, new chapter! You may or may not hate me for this. And it's pretty short, well in comparison to the others lately. I don't know if it came out the way I wanted it to but I have been planning these chapters since the beginning of The Push And Pull. This was going to be longer but I ended it where I did because otherwise it would have gone on and on and on.**

**So...here it is :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>24. Down With The Sickness<p>

_No mommy don't hit me  
><em>_Why do you have to hit me like that, mommy?  
><em>_Don't do it, you're hurting me  
><em>_Why do you have to be such a bitch?  
><em>_Why don't you, why don't you just fuck off and die?_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

"Mitch?" The voice was so close but I could barely understand anything. I grumbled something in response but I doubt it was coherent enough to pass as actual words. "Mitchie, you gotta wake up."

"Why?" I groaned and buried my face further into my pillow.

"You have therapy soon." At that I reluctantly opened my eyes to see a slightly blurred version of my dad standing next to my bed. I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes and refocused my vision.

"That's today?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to bother you guys when you came home but it's already after six."

"Oh okay, thanks." He nodded and left my room, closing the door on his way out. I let my head fall back and hit my pillow once again but I knew I couldn't go back to sleep. I turned my head to the side to see Alex sound asleep next to me. She looked at peace for the first time all week and I almost didn't want to ruin it. Luckily, I didn't have to. Because she woke up on her own. "Good morning." Her eyes fluttered open but her eyebrows furrowed in confusion when she looked down.

"Did we fall asleep with this here?" she asked, referring to the dark blue comforter that was pulled over both of us.

"No, my dad must have brought it. We kind of just passed out. We're still in our church clothes." I stretched a bit, not entirely comfortable sleeping in my skinny jeans but at least we took our shoes off before. "How are you feeling?" Since the moment we stepped into my room it has been nonstop waterworks for her. I knew bottling up her emotions would lead to this but it's better than when she used to lash out at me.

"My head hurts from crying so much," she croaked out. Her voice sounded terrible. Poor thing completely wore herself out. I didn't think the slideshow would put her over the edge but I knew she was sad about this entire situation; her dad dying _and_ Justin coming back into the picture. What I also didn't know was that she used to be really close to both her dad and her brother. Ever since I met her she just always seemed to have issues with Justin so I assumed they never liked each other. "Thanks for letting me, uh…crash here, I guess. I didn't realize how tired I was."

"Don't worry about it; I was pretty tired too. At least you don't have work."

"True; I took off all week. I just don't feel like going. I'd rather be here instead of dealing with everyone there and my retarded customers." I sat up straight but felt no desire to move any further. But I knew I had to. I got off my bed and started looking for clothes to change into. "Are you going somewhere?"

"Yeah I forgot I have therapy at seven." I dug through my drawers and settled on a white baseball t-shirt with navy sleeves and a different pair of skinny jeans.

"Oh…" She was now sitting up too while I undressed. When I pulled my shirt down over my head I looked over at her and her eyes immediately shifted up towards mine. "Um…do you uh, need me to drive you?" she stuttered out and I raised my eyebrow at her but turned the other way. Was she checking me out?

"No you don't have to do that. My dad's just gonna take me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. You wanna do something after I get out though? I'll only be an hour." I felt bad leaving her but I know how adamant my parents are about me going to my sessions every week. I would tell them that they are being ridiculous but even I know that it's necessary. But after everything that's happened I still wanted to be there for her…_especially_ after what happened at the ale house with Justin.

"Sure, I just hope it stops raining."

"Tell me about it. Are you gonna hang out here until I get back?" She sat cross-legged and pushed her hair out of her face, trying to fix it after sleeping.

"Um…nah, I think I'll just go home." I stopped what I was doing and stared at her like she had lost her mind. Didn't she just have an emotional breakdown because of her family?

"Are you sure that's such a good idea? I mean, you're more than welcome to stay here if you want," I offered and she sighed.

"No it's fine. Everyone's supposed to be at my uncle's house after they left the restaurant." I knew what I was going to ask had potential to piss her off but _as always_ I worry about her.

"Yeah speaking of the restaurant…" I started and I could tell she just knew what I was going to bring up.

"Mitchie I'm not talking about that. Justin can go fuck himself, end of story."

"But I really think you should at least talk to him, hear what he has to say," I said and she narrowed her eyes at me. I swear I wasn't trying to make her mad but apparently that's what I'm doing.

"Why the _fuck_ would I want to do that?"

"Because he's you're brother…"

"No, Max is my brother. Max talks to me and lives with me and doesn't tell me I'm scum and that I should kill myself." I walked back over to my bed and sat next to her.

"Maybe he wants to apologize. I mean, he did say he was sorry. You guys used to be close; don't just throw away a chance to have your other brother back in your life. You're lucky you have the chance at all; you didn't get that with your dad."

"The only chance I didn't get with my dad was the chance to tell him what I told Justin today."

"C'mon you don't mean that. Just talk to him."

"No!" she yelled and stood up from the bed. "Fuck Mitchie just leave it alone! I don't want to talk to him or hear his apology or _anything_ he has to say for that matter so stop bothering me!" The room practically shook from her outburst and she looked furious. But in almost an instant her expression changed. I opened my mouth to talk but I didn't know what to say. I felt like no matter what I said it would just make her yell at me again.

"I'm sor-"

"No, Mitch I'm sorry. You've been so great and supportive with all of this I shouldn't have snapped at you. I really don't know what I would have done without you by my side this whole time," she said now in a much softer tone. But again I didn't know what to say.

"Well of course I'm gonna be here, Alex. You're my best friend." And I love you. She walked over to where I was sitting and wrapped her arms around my shoulders.

"I know. And I'm just mad and I keep taking it out on you. You don't deserve it."

"It's okay." I brought one of my arms around hers and kissed the side of her head. The warm feeling on my lips was enough to make me smile but the pain in her eyes tore me apart. "And you're right; it's none of my business."

"Why are you so nice?" she asked, still holding onto me lightly.

"Well one of us has to be," I joked and prayed she wouldn't take offense to it. Thankfully I heard her chuckle quietly against my shoulder.

"Shut up." She laughed again and looked at me. "You always know how to make me feel better." It really was astonishing how she went from crying to yelling to content so quickly. I flashed her a smile.

"Well good, at least I know I'm not completely useless."

"Not _completely_…" she trailed off and I didn't fail to notice just how close we were. Last time we were this close I slipped up and kissed her. And _God_ I wanted to kiss her again right now. "Um…I uh…"

"Mitch, you ready to go?" My dad's voice pulled our attention away from each other and I watched as Alex's face dropped a little.

"What?"

"There's going to be traffic with this crap weather. You good to go now?" She let me go and I retracted my arm as well even though I really didn't want to.

"Yeah, sure, I guess."

"Alright, just get your coat and we'll head out. Alex, you staying here?"

"Oh, uh, no I'm just going to go home," she said somewhat uncomfortably and my dad looked like he was about to say something. I glared at him, pleading with him not to question her about her decision to leave. He kept his mouth shut, nodded, and then left us alone. And all I could think about was how much I missed her arms around me.

"So are you going to be okay at your house?"

"Yeah I'm sure I'll be fine. You'll probably be back before they all come home anyway." She sighed and I could tell she was still slightly nervous but didn't want to be a _burden_ to my parents by being here. I don't want to argue with her again though so I'll just let her do whatever she wants.

"If you say so. And who knows, if the rain gets really bad I might leave early. There's supposed to be a full blown storm tonight."

"Or you could just not go…" she suggested hopefully. I wanted to stay but I didn't want to hear it from my mom or dad…mainly my mom.

"I'm sorry, I have to." She fell back against the bed and exhaled. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing, I just…can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"Mitch, come on the rain's getting worse!" my dad shouted from the living room and I had never wanted to kill a person more in my entire life.

"Alright just give me a minute!" I yelled back and we both sat up again. "Sorry."

"No, I'm actually just going to head home now anyway, maybe sleep again. I'm still kind of tired." She did still look a little worn out but there was something else I just couldn't put my finger on. I can't ask her what's wrong though. She's either going to get annoyed with me asking so many questions or she's just going to tell me that nothing is wrong.

"Oh, okay…"

"Call me when you get out?" I nodded and she put her shoes on. "I'll see you later." She grabbed her phone and she was out the door just as my dad walked back in my room.

"Hey, is everything okay with her?" he asked quietly.

"I don't know Dad, she completely broke down after the funeral because of her brother." He looked at me weirdly and I knew why he was confused. "Not Max…her other brother, Justin."

"I swear I will never understand anything about that girl's family."

"I know but I told her to give him a chance to maybe explain himself or at least apologize but she refuses. She won't even consider it; she just gets mad." I reached under my bed to find my sneakers and put them on.

"Then just like this whole thing with her real dad, let her be. If she ever chooses to, she'll talk to her brother on her own time. But until that happens, you can't force her to talk to him."

"Yeah I know."

"Now come on, I want to come back home before the storm picks up." I nodded and pulled my hoodie and jacket on and we both headed out the door.

**Alex's POV**

I sat in my car in front of my apartment listening to the rain pouring down on my windshield. I knew no one was home but I just fucking hate this place. I know I could have stayed at Mitchie's but I feel like I'm starting to annoy everyone. With my pissed off mood and nervousness around Mitchie it's like I don't know what to say to anyone anymore.

Not only that but I just can't seem to ever tell Mitchie how I feel. I love her. I love her more than anything and I want to get back together with her. But after everything that has happened this past week my mind is just so fucked I can't even think straight. And of course the few times I actually _did_ try to tell her we had to be interrupted.

I undid my seatbelt and finally got out my car and hurried to the front door to avoid getting soaked. When I made it up to my house I breathed a huge sigh of relief. I was right, no one was here. I was glad I could finally just be alone. Well, I wouldn't mind not being alone if Mitchie was with me, even if she's always _worried_ about me and asking me questions. I know she means well though and I am actually really thankful that she cares so much.

I removed my hood and jacket altogether and went straight for the fridge. I hardly ate at the ale house and I was suddenly starving. I found leftovers in a plastic container and settled on that, not really in the mood to actually make myself something. I put some on a plate and just ate it cold. I was still so drained from crying my eyes out before.

My mind immediately went back to Justin although I wanted to think about _anyone_ but him. This was all just too much to handle in one day; the funeral, seeing my whole family, the slideshow…and Justin. I know he said he was sorry but how can I just let him back in my life after everything he's said and done to me?

Deep down I knew Mitchie was probably right but I didn't want to even see him ever again. I hate him and that's that. My only real family is Brian and Max. Hell, Mitchie's parents are more like a family to me than my mom or dad or Justin. And what the fuck did he even mean by _there are things I need to know_? What else could he possibly say to me? He's already said enough.

I was pulled out of my negative thoughts when I heard the front door start to open. I didn't bother looking up. I was pissed off and angry from thinking about earlier and it was probably Brian anyway. I wouldn't want to stay there for a long time if I was him. I picked around at my food and heard the footsteps slowly approaching me.

"Well…look who decided to finally come home." I froze with my fork halfway up to my mouth and closed my eyes. My back was facing the door so I couldn't see who it was but I would know that voice anywhere. As if on cue, a chill ran down my spine. "I'm surprised you're not at your little _girlfriend's_ house again." There was so much sarcasm and disgust in that one sentence.

"She's not my girlfriend," I mumbled, annoyed. God, I didn't need a reminder that we weren't together. If this shit didn't happen then we might have been back together by now.

"And yet you found it necessary to bring her today."

"I wouldn't have gone at all if it wasn't for her so I don't know what the problem is."

"Problem? I'll tell you the problem. I told you I didn't want you seeing that girl but you never listen and you keep disobeying me and going back there." I rolled my eyes. I was way too worn out to deal with this. I knew how it was going end anyway and quite frankly I just wanted to get it over with.

"And I told you that you can't stop me from seeing her because whether you like it or not she's my best friend." I turned back around to face my plate but didn't feel like eating anymore. I felt a tight grip on my arm and I tried my hardest to not wince in pain. I was jerked back and I fell off of the stool I was sitting on and landed on the floor, my elbow breaking my fall.

"Don't give me an attitude. And don't you dare lie to me."

"Ow, God, I'm not lying. She's not my girlfriend."

"I saw you kiss her."

"Yeah like a fucking year ago practically, would you let that go already?" I asked, completely fed up with this.

"What about last week, then?" I was confused for all of two seconds before realization hit me and I felt my throat go dry and start to close up.

"Shit," I whispered as quietly as I could but definitely not quietly enough.

"Yeah don't think I didn't see the two of you at the park together. Now are you still going to lie and tell me that you're not with that girl?" What do I even say to that? She clearly knows that it happened so there was no point in denying it.

"Alright fine…yeah, I kissed her." Well technically _she_ kissed _me_ but that's beside the point. "But I wasn't lying. We're not together." Please don't make me say it again. Still with a firm hold on my arm, she pulled me again.

"Don't lie to me, Alex; that's what you told me the first time I caught you two and it happened again!"

"I'm not lying, Mom! We weren't together then and we aren't now. It just happened!" She let me go but grabbed my face in her hand and forced me to look at her before slapping me. It stung and I was pretty sure a mark was forming already. "Okay you know what? I give up! Yes, we were together but we're not anymore! We broke up but we're still best friends. And it doesn't change anything. _I'm still gay_!" I shouted before feeling another hit directly to the side of my mouth. This one hurt a lot worse and my hand instantly went to hold my aching jaw. I couldn't take dealing with this anymore and I was still angry from before. "What are you gonna do, Mom? Beat the gay out of me? Because that's been working all these years, right?"

"This isn't who you are and the sooner you realize that the better. I told you no daughter of mine is going to be like…_that_."

"So now I'm your daughter? I didn't even realize." Another slap to the face.

"What did I tell you about talking back?"

"Oh my God no matter what I say or do you're just going to hit me! So do it! Get it out of your system! Here, I'll speed it up by pissing you off more. I'm gay. Mitchie's not the only girl I've ever been with. Therapy was a complete waste of time and money because I'm _still_ gay. I hate you. I hate this entire fucking family. I feel bad for Brian because he doesn't know what a bitch he really married and-" My rant was cut short by a sharp blow to the side of my head. I clutched it tightly with both of my hands but that just left the rest of my entire body exposed.

"You done?" she asked angrily before violently kicking me in my stomach seeing as that I was still on the floor. And now there was definitely no way I was getting back up any time soon. "No, please Alex, go on…tell me more." She kicked me again and again and again and the tears in my eyes couldn't stay in. They streamed down my cheeks just before I choked out a loud sob, trying to catch my breath but it was extremely difficult to do so.

"You're a fucking psychopath!" I screamed once I was finally able to form a coherent sentence. I coughed repeatedly and staggered as I tried to stand up straight but was met with a punch to my right eye. I struggled to open it but I didn't have enough time to react because I was soon face-down on the floor. My sides and stomach and face were on fire. "What do you want from me?" I cried out desperately.

"I don't want to hear any more from you. Haven't you done enough to this family? You drive your father and brother away-"

"That wasn't my fault!" I was sick and tired of having all the blame for this.

"Yes it was! When you told us you were gay that night at dinner your father was disgusted and rightfully so. I honestly can't say I blame him but he didn't want to stick around and be a part of this family with some lesbian as his daughter." If I wasn't crying before I sure as hell was crying now. And I absolutely hated that anything related to my father still had the power to reduce me to tears. "And then you refuse to drop this bullshit and Justin leaves too. Are you proud of how you've broken us apart?"

"I didn't do anything!" My shouting was completely useless at this point. She yanked my head up off of the floor only to slam it back down. "This isn't something I can _drop_! God, do you think I _want_ to be gay? After all the abuse I take from you I would give _anything_ to not be this way but it's not like I have a say in it!" She hit my head against the floor again and this time my teeth punctured my lip and I could already taste the blood from the cut.

"I'm sorry, what was that?" I didn't even know what to say that won't result in my face bleeding. So I just remained quiet. "I thought you had so much to say before, what happened to that now?" she asked and kicked me in my ribs.

"Mom, please stop!"

"I don't want you to ever see that girl again. And don't you _dare_ even think about bringing her _anywhere_ near this family ever again." I wrapped one arm around my stomach. I thought I was going to throw up.

"I can't…" I managed to say between coughing fits. My voice was low and broken and my crying practically drowned it out altogether. I don't know if she can even hear me.

"I don't care, you will stop or else-"

"Or else _what_? You'll hit me again?" I asked and just as I expected she kicked me again. "Mom, I can't breathe!"

"Alex, I mean it."

"So do I," I gasped. "I've tried, okay? It doesn't work! I can't not see her!" She pulled me up but I was so dizzy from having the crap kicked out of me I could barely stand straight. Once I was on my feet she shoved me hard against the kitchen wall. My head felt like it was one giant bruise.

"And why the hell not?" My tears stung on their way down my cheeks.

"Because," I said as I was trembling slightly. "I lo-" I tried to finish my sentence but she hit me in the face with an open palm and I only cried harder.

"What?" We were face to face and the hatred in her eyes was painfully evident. I could smell the alcohol on her breath from the ale house and I briefly wondered just how drunk she was. I didn't even care that she drove here. I mean, Mitchie and I almost die because of a drunk driver but whatever; she obviously doesn't seem to care. "You have something to say, Alex?" I could lie but what's the use?

"I love her!" I yelled, finally finding my voice but it only fueled the fire in my mother even more. She tightened her hold on my arms and threw me back down to the floor. My bones were aching and I didn't think I could move but I had to get out of here. As quickly as I could, I tried getting to my feet again and hobbling away but she grabbed my ankle and pulled me back. "Mom, get off!"

"Not until you stop this!" I tried kicking to escape and it worked for only a moment. The second I felt her hold on me loosen I immediately got up despite how much pain I was in. If I wanted to get to the front door I would have to pass her and I would never make it. I ran in the opposite direction and I could hear her coming after me. "Alex, get back here this instant!" I didn't want to take the risk of going all the way to my room so I went in the first one and shut the door behind me and locked it. She banged on it harshly over and over.

"Just leave me alone!" It was hard to breathe and staying on my feet was even becoming more of a challenge.

"Open this door!" The door knob looked and sounded like it was going to be ripped off.

"Fuck you!" I shouted before looking around. I was in Max's room. And my room is the one with the window that leads to the fire escape. If I went out of the window here I would either die or end up in the hospital. Both of which are looking like better options than staying here. The last time she went _this_ psycho on me Mitchie was here and I only escaped because of her. I needed her. I didn't know what else to do.

**Mitchie's POV**

"Dad come on I'm already late; there's no point in me even going anymore."

"Well we won't be going anywhere if the car doesn't start now will we?" I groaned loud enough for him to hear me over the sound of rain and occasional thunder.

"How did it even break down? You're a mechanic!"

"Mitchie, I'm trying to get us home but there's only so much I can do when I'm not in the garage." I ran my hands through my hair and watched my dad trying to figure out how to fix the car. He had his hood on but it didn't help at all. I was about to ask him something else but my phone started ringing. I took it out of my pocket but was extremely confused when I saw the name on the screen; my own.

"Um…hello?" I said not knowing how to react. How was I calling myself? All I heard on the other end was crying accompanied by shaky breathing. It freaked me out.

"Mitch," Alex's voice floated into my ear and I looked down at my phone again. And then I realized that this wasn't my phone. It was hers. She must have taken mine by accident. "Where are you?"

"Alex? What's wrong?" I asked right away, catching on to her frantic tone.

"Mitchie, you have to come back, please," she begged and was followed by a loud banging noise in the background.

"What's going on?"

"She…she came home, please Mitch I don't know what to do. I feel like she's going to come in here any second. I need you." My heart rate sped up and I thought I was going to stop breathing from the fear I felt.

"Shit, Alex I can't. I'm still with my dad. I didn't even make it to my session. Our car broke down and I'm stuck here." She didn't say anything but I could hear her crying along with her mother's distant shouting over the phone. "Just hang on, okay? I'm gonna try to come back as fast as I can, I promise."

"Okay," she said, her voice still incredibly shaky as she tried to talk through her tears. We hung up and my mind was racing. I needed to get to Alex's house _now_. I didn't even know what I was going to do or how I was going to help her but if her mom is going off the deep end again then I was going to do just about anything to get her out of there. I've done it once before and I'll face her mom again if it means she'll be safe.

"Dad!" I practically screamed from the passenger seat. I startled him and he hit his head on the hood of the car.

"Jesus Mitchie I'm not deaf."

"Sorry but you have to hurry."

"Why? You're not even going to therapy anymore."

"I know but I just need to get home. It's Alex."

"What's wrong with Alex? Is she okay?" I didn't even know the answer to that. Was she even okay? I wondered how long Alex waited until finally calling me. She could have been abused ever since she got home.

"I don't know but she sounded bad on the phone." He sighed and wiped some of the water off of his face.

"Look, Mitch, I'm trying. I called for roadside assistance but I don't know how long that will take. Unless someone on the road decides to stop and help we're going to be here a while."

"But Dad-"

"I'm sorry but even if I can fix it myself it's going to take at least an hour or two. If Alex is in serious trouble then call the police," he said and even though he had a point I was still hesitant to go against my word. I had promised her that I would never say anything and so had my parents even though they firmly believed that she should have said something a long time ago. She only called me now because I was the only person who knew. But I had to do something. I looked down at the phone in my hand and then at my dad. He was holding a flashlight under the hood trying to figure out what was wrong with the car but was getting nowhere.

I thought back to the conversation I just had with Alex. I've never heard her sound so scared or desperate in my entire life. This was even worse than the last time she and I both encountered the wrath of her mother. I couldn't let any of this happen to her again. I looked back down at the phone and knew I had to call.

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I couldn't see anything. Everything was black. My eyes were closed but I wouldn't even be able to see anything because I can't open them. It hurts too much. Everything hurts too much. My body felt rigid. My stomach felt like it was ripped out and pulled apart. I didn't even think I could move.

I tried to figure out what was going on but it was so hard to focus on anything at all. I could barely hear voices around me but I didn't know who they belonged to. There was more than one and it was a man's. Someone besides me and my mom was here? At that thought everything suddenly hit me like a ton of bricks, and it hurt just as badly.

My mom coming home and us fighting, her chasing me and locking myself in Max's room. Calling Mitchie and her telling me she was going to try to come back as fast as she could. My mom finally getting the door open and from then on everything just…went black. I couldn't recall what happened after and how I ended up…wherever I was right now.

Was I even in my house anymore? I was lying down on a bed or a couch and my head was resting against something…or someone but I couldn't tell who or what. I tried to focus on my surroundings again and my hearing started coming back to me. One voice in particular pulled me from my half-asleep state and I opened my eyes to the best of my ability.

"Alex? Thank God, finally." I thought I was dreaming…or possibly having a nightmare. There was no way this was happening. I couldn't believe I was looking up at…

"Justin?"

* * *

><p><strong>LOL. so do you hate me? oh my bad. To be continued! Next one's a 2-parter (I think...)<strong>

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Down With The Sickness by Disturbed**

**love this song. I couldn't not use this song for this chapter though**


	25. She Will Be Loved Part I

**A/N 1: Fast update! I felt bad for leaving you guys with that cliffhanger so I got this done quickly. I hope you guys like this and I hope it makes up for the last one. This is a two-parter and I don't know how long the next one will take but hopefully it won't disappoint.**

**Enjoy, and go ahead and review. :)**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>25. She Will Be Loved Part I<p>

_I know where you hide, alone in your car  
><em>_Know all of the things that make you who you are  
><em>_I know that goodbye means nothing at all  
><em>_Comes back and makes me catch her every time that she falls_

* * *

><p><strong><em>Mitchie's POV<em>**

_I had her phone in my hand but I didn't know what to do. I wish my dad could just get the car running so I could go to her. I needed to go to her. But if I couldn't then I wasn't just going to sit here and do nothing. I rolled down the window again._

"_Dad, are you sure we're not getting home any time soon?" I asked one more time. He walked around and leaned into the car._

"_Mitch, I wasn't kidding before. She's kept this to herself long enough. Now, your mother and I promised that we wouldn't say anything. And if the situation came up, we knew nothing about it. But this isn't something she can hide anymore. You're sitting here telling me Alex needs your help and believe me sweetie I want to get us home and I want her to be safe but I'm telling you that waiting in the hopes that I might get the car fixed in time is way too risky. That girl needs more help than her best friend comforting her. And I don't want anything to happen to her any more than you do. If it's her mom again…call the police," he told me sternly before going back to work under the hood._

"_Shit." I unlocked Alex's phone again and I thanked God that she never puts a password on it. I was about to dial 911 like my dad suggested but something stopped me from doing it. I know Alex didn't want anyone to know but this had gone too far. If I didn't do something Alex could end up seriously hurt...or worse._

_I exited out of the keypad and instead went through her contacts. I passed Brian's number and I contemplated calling him. Surely he would drop whatever he was doing and go over there to help her in a heartbeat. There was no doubt about that. I should have pressed call, I know it. But I kept scrolling through._

_I came across another name and it caught my eye immediately. I didn't even think I would find this in here. I didn't have time to debate though. I don't know why but even though I know Alex would get so pissed off but deep down I knew I wouldn't listen. This needed to be done. I stopped stalling and hit call. It rang a couple times and just when I thought no one would answer, someone finally picked up._

"_Hello?" The voice sounded confused and I wondered if this was even the right number._

"_Justin?"_

"_Yeah…who is this?" I was suddenly nervous. What if I'm just making things worse by doing this?_

"_Um…it's uh…it's Mitchie." I felt like I waited an eternity before he responded._

"_Mitchie? How did you get my number?"_

"_I'm on Alex's phone."_

"_Oh…why?"_

"_Because she took mine by accident so I have hers."_

"_No I meant why as in why are you calling me?"_

"_Where are you?" I asked right away. I didn't want to blow this up if it wasn't even going to work out. I could always call Brian too._

"_Uh…I just left my uncle's house." He still sounded confused and I would be too if I were him. I haven't spoken to my sister who hates me in four years and now her best friend is calling me regarding my whereabouts…not weird at all._

"_You need to go to your house, now."_

"_I am going to my house," he said like it was something obvious._

"_I mean your old house. It's Alex." I think he could tell just how serious I was._

"_Alex? Why? What's wrong with Alex?"_

"_She's in trouble. She called me before but I'm stuck in the rain with my dad; our car broke down. I won't make it in time," I said in a rush, leaving out one important detail: their mother._

"_Make it in time for what? What kind of trouble is she in?"_

"_Justin please. I would if I could but I can't."_

"_Why me? She hates me. She doesn't want to see me."_

"_If you don't then I'm going to call the police. I'm begging you, just go. I wouldn't be calling you if it wasn't serious."_

"_Okay, I believe you. I'm headed over there right now." I breathed a sigh of relief and felt my heartbeat returning to normal if not for just a second._

"_Thank you, and please hurry. And be careful!" I added knowing how bad the roads were._

"_I will." And with that he hung up and I dropped the phone in my lap. Lightning struck and I wondered if it was even safe for my dad to be outside. I just prayed that we could get out of here and Justin can reach Alex before their mom could get into the room she's in._

**Alex's POV**

"Justin?" I stared up from where I was and finally started to take in all of my surroundings. I was on my couch but I had a brain-splitting headache. Justin was sitting beside me looking down with worried eyes. "What are you doing here?"

"I got a call from Mitchie."

"You…_what_?" How the hell was that even possible.

"She had your phone and she called me, freaking out, and told me to come here as fast as I could." I sat up straight and ignored the pain in my body that screamed at me to just stay down. The rest of the house was empty except for a police officer and…wait a minute. A police officer…was in my house. "Thank God you woke up they were about to call for an ambulance."

"An ambulance?"

"Yeah, you kept slipping in and out of consciousness every ten seconds. You couldn't keep your eyes open. We need to get you to a hospital."

"What? No way. I'm not going to a hospital."

"Alex, you need a doctor."

"You're high, I don't need anything. And why would Mitchie even call you? I told her that I didn't want to talk to you." I got off of the couch and away from Justin. I couldn't believe he was even here right now. I called Mitchie so _she_ could come here not send my fucking brother, especially after I told her over and over that I wanted nothing to do with him.

"Mitchie called me because she was worried sick thinking you're going to die at any minute and she didn't think she could get here fast enough."

"I can't believe she told you," I said incredulously. I didn't mean to say it out loud but I was past caring.

"She didn't tell me. I had to drive here like a lunatic in the fucking storm to find our _mom_ beating you to a pulp!"

"And you had to call the cops too?"

"No but Mitchie said she was going to if I didn't come here." I can't believe this is happening. "Alex, what happened?" I ignored him and walked into my bedroom to look in my mirror. I looked terrible_._ My lip was cut and so was my temple and I was bruised…everywhere. "Alex!"

"What!"

"What the hell happened?" he asked again and I huffed in annoyance.

"You were here; you saw what happened."

"How long has this been going on?"

"Since you moved out," I said quietly and sat down at the foot of my bed.

"Four years and you couldn't tell anybody?"

"I did tell someone! I told Mitchie _and _her parents. But four years and you couldn't talk to me?" I bit back and narrowed my eyes at him.

"Hey, when Dad got sick I tried!"

"What? No you didn't!"

"Yes I did! Earlier this year when he found out that he wasn't getting better and that it was only a matter of _months_, I came back!"

"What are you talking about? When?" None of this made any sense.

"I don't know, like, April or something. I came back here and Mom said you didn't live here anymore. I didn't know if she was serious or not but Max said you weren't there either." I tried to think back to around that time and remembered that April was when Mitchie and I first got together.

"I moved in with Mitchie for a while. I couldn't stand being home anymore and when Mitchie found out she refused to let me stay here. But it doesn't matter. The point is you waited until Dad was almost dead to try and talk to me. And you know what? I don't even care. I wouldn't have wanted to see you anyway."

"I know you didn't want to see me. I didn't think you would forgive me. I just wanted to talk to you so you could see Dad before he died."

"And what makes you think I wanted to see him?"

"Because he's our dad!"

"No he isn't! He might be yours but he isn't mine! Brian is my dad so don't you dare come in my room and try to tell me all of this bullshit." I stood back up and pushed him out of my way and went back into the living room. A man in uniform stopped me.

"Excuse me miss, we need to ask you a few questions."

"About what?" He looked between me and Justin who followed me out here.

"Alex, stop hiding this. They already arrested her. They just want a statement from you," he told me and my eyes widened.

"What!"

"Why are you upset about this? She's been abusing you for years and now she can't anymore. You should be relieved."

"And what is everyone going to think when they come home and see that she's gone…because of me. How many times am I going to be the reason for someone leaving us!" I shouted and felt my tears coming back. "Dad left because of me, you left because of me, and now Mom's gone because of me."

"Alex, calm down."

"No, fuck you Justin! This is exactly why I didn't want anyone to know about this!" I cried and grabbed my keys and hoodie, fully prepared to leave. I couldn't deal with all of this. I headed straight for the door but it opened before I could even reach the doorknob. I looked up and saw Brian and Max walking in and I held my breath.

"Hey, Alex…what's going here? There's a cop car outside," Brian started as he stepped into the house and looked around the place. "And there's a cop…in here too apparently." I couldn't even speak. I just looked at him and then Max who looked equally confused.

"Where's Mom?" Max asked once he realized that she wasn't here even though she was probably supposed to be.

"Mom's gone," Justin said. I turned around to see him standing beside me with his arms crossed.

"Gone? What do you mean she's gone?"

"Where is she? Alex, what is going on?" Brian asked again, now a little impatient seeing as how I haven't said anything yet. But I felt like I was paralyzed. I was nervous and terrified and I didn't know what to even say.

"She's um…they took her down to the police station." I just stared as my brother and stepdad spoke to each other. It was like it wasn't even real; like I was just watching some horrible movie.

"_What_? She's there right now?" Justin nodded and without another word Brian walked out of the house. He didn't acknowledge anyone. He just left. And that's what I was afraid would happen. Max didn't say anything and Justin just stared down at the floor.

I couldn't be here anymore. I couldn't take the silence and even worse I couldn't take the reactions from my family. I had to get out of here. I was hurt, upset, and angry all at the same time and I thought I was seconds away from exploding. I gripped my keys tightly in my hand and left my house as fast as I could. I heard Justin try to call my name to stop me but I ignored him and continued walking.

When I made it outside it was pouring harder than before and the wind had picked up significantly. I instantly regretted not taking my jacket and only wearing a hoodie but I couldn't go back upstairs. I just started driving. This was a fucking nightmare. I couldn't go home and I couldn't go to Mitchie's either because it was her fault for calling my brother in the first place.

**Mitchie's POV**

My leg was shaking in anticipation as my dad came back inside the car and put the keys in the ignition. He finally figured out what was wrong with it but even after he fixed it the car wouldn't start. Apparently the battery was also killed and we were still stuck waiting for roadside assistance. Thankfully though someone was nice enough to stop and help so we wouldn't have to wait forever.

"Come on," my dad muttered as he turned the key and breathed a sigh of relief when the engine finally roared to life. "Yes, thank you Jesus!" He left the car on and got out to thank the man who gave us a jump. It's a good thing my dad always keeps jumper cables in the trunk or we would have been screwed.

"No problem at all. Take care, you guys. Drive carefully," the man said to the two of us and we put our seatbelts back on and headed back on the road.

"So am I dropping you off at Alex's? What's going on with that situation?" he asked once we got off of the highway and turned back around to go home.

"I don't know." How long has it even been since I spoke to her or her brother? I checked her phone that was still in my lap and the call was well over an hour ago. I was about to call her but it started ringing before I could. It was her. "Alex, are you okay? Where are you?" I asked right away but heard nothing on the other end. "Alex?" I was starting to get worried but honestly, what else is new?

"Why? Why the _hell_ would you call my brother?" Was she seriously getting mad at me for sending someone else to save her from her abusive mother? Well at least I know she didn't kill her.

"What? I told you I was stuck and I couldn't come back but I'm on my way right now."

"Don't even bother."

"Are you serious? Why are you mad at me?"

"Because I told you a million times to leave it alone and stay out of it but you wouldn't listen! I don't want to talk to my brother and I didn't want him to know about this! But now everyone knows and it ended up just how I thought it would! So fuck you, Mitchie. I shouldn't have called you to come in the first place." She sounded like she was crying even though she was yelling at me. I wondered if my dad could hear her through the phone.

"If I didn't then who knows what would have happened to you. I didn't think you would care under these circumstances and you shouldn't. You can't keep lying about this. Your family has the right to know," I said in a much calmer tone than she was using. I knew how to talk to her in these situations and I know if I start yelling too she will just shut me out and hang up on me.

"That's not for you to decide! I didn't want anyone to know so what made you think you had any right to tell them!"

"I didn't tell anybody. I just told Justin to go to your house, that's it."

"And the cops?"

"The cops? What are you talking about? I never called the police." I was confused at this point. And she really needed to stop accusing me of so many things.

"And now my mom's gone and Brian's gone and I'm sure Max is going to start avoiding me again and-" I cut off her rambling. It sounded like she was going to hyperventilate at any moment.

"Wait what do you mean Brian's gone?"

"Everything that I thought would happen happened and it's all because you couldn't just keep your mouth shut about it!"

"Alex, I'm sorry but what did you expect me to do after you called me like that? You're being ridiculous," I told her before I could stop myself. And just as I expected, she hung up on me. "Damn it."

"I take it she's upset?" my dad said after I dropped the phone and groaned loudly.

"She pretty much hates me now."

"Do you still want me to drop you off at her house?" Was she even at her house still? It was worth a shot to go there anyway. Even if she wasn't, maybe Justin would still be there and I can talk to him about all of this.

"If you don't mind, please."

"Sure, there's traffic, but I'll get us home as fast as I can."

"Thanks, Dad." I sank back against my seat and rubbed my eyes. He wasn't kidding. There was a ton of traffic. And in this storm everyone is driving maybe five miles per hour. And I knew my dad wasn't about to do anything dangerous. The last thing I need is to get into another accident and undo all of the progress I have made.

It took us nearly an hour to get back into Queens. Once we got off of the highway we took side roads the whole way home. All of the main roads were bumper to bumper and I was going to lose my mind if I had to sit in this car any longer. Before I knew it we were on our block and I got out as fast as I could once we pulled up to Alex's apartment.

I bolted up the stairs and knocked on the front door probably ten or fifteen times before someone opened it for me. Justin stood in the doorway and let me in. I didn't even have to say anything; he knew why I was here. I didn't see Max but I did see Brian sitting at the table. He had a blank, emotionless look on his face and he was staring down at the glass in his hand.

"What _happened_?" I asked slowly once I took everything in. Brian looked up at me briefly, his expression never changing, and then looked back down.

"She's not here," Justin answered when he realized that Brian wasn't going to say anything.

"Alex? When did she leave?"

"Almost two hours ago I think."

"And nobody tried to stop her?"

"She wouldn't have listened. She was mad that I came here so she stormed out." I took a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I knew Alex had a habit of running away but I thought she was past that. But her family always somehow manages to drive her away without even meaning to. And I should have known this would happen.

"Well what did you even say to her? What did you do when you got here?" I asked both of them. Alex could be anywhere and there is a fucking thunderstorm going on outside. "Did you yell? Scold her? Leave?"

"Mitchie, how would you have reacted to any of that if you _just_ found out what was going on?"

"When I _just_ found out what was going on your mom tried to kill _me_. When I found out I did everything I could to get Alex out of this house and away from her. And when we were finally out I didn't do anything. I didn't yell at her or leave her. I didn't make her talk about it. All I did was comfort her and be there for her when she had _no one_."

"Well how was I supposed to know she'd just run away!"

"Exactly! You didn't know! Because none of you guys even know her! When you walked in the door earlier did you even expect to find what you did?"

"I knew my mom was a bitch but I didn't think she was a fucking psycho. Alex was on the floor crying being beaten and screamed at. I just wanted to know what the hell was going on!"

"That's not the point, Justin. You left; how do you think that made her feel?"

"I know! Okay? I didn't think leaving would cause so many problems at home and I regret it but I can't take back what I did and all the things I've said to her. I just want to explain everything to her and tell her that I will forever be sorry for _everything_."

"I believe that you're sorry but it doesn't change the fact that you messed her up badly."

"I know I did. That's why I want to fix it. We tried looking for her but I don't even know where she could possibly go in this weather."

"Well her car isn't out front. If she's driving she could be anywhere." He sighed and ran his hand through his short black hair in frustration.

"Fuck. I'm going to go look for her again. If she calls you please let me know."

"She called me like an hour ago but she didn't tell me where she was," I told him as he grabbed his coat and keys and headed for the door. Before he left I stopped him. "Wait!"

"What?"

"Save my number; she has my phone. I mean, I tried calling her back but she didn't pick up." He nodded and I typed in my number into his phone and then he was gone. Now it was just me and Brian, who has still said nothing since I got here. It was silent. I didn't know what to say to him to break the silence but I was starting to feel suffocated by it.

"Mitchie," he finally said in a calm and even voice. "How long have you known about this?" I walked over to the table he was sitting at and I took a seat across from him.

"January." He set his glass down and looked up at me before sighing and bringing his hand up to cover his eyes. "You really know nothing about your daughter, do you? Did you even know she lived with me because she was too afraid to be in her own house? Or that she was too afraid to tell anyone about it because she didn't want to be blamed for breaking up her family again? Her number one fear is that everyone she loves will leave her and you just walked out when you got here?"

"What else am I supposed to do!" he suddenly yelled. "What would you think if you came home one day and the first thing you find out is that your wife has been arrested? And your stepdaughter looks like she just came out of a boxing ring. I had to go down to the station to see her. I had to find out what the hell was going on and I wanted to hear it from her." All I could think about was him telling me that Alex's mom was arrested. She told me her mom was gone but this is what I had been hoping for since the day I found out.

"But that's exactly what I'm talking about. You don't know her well enough to know how she would feel if you left."

"Mitchie I know you care about Alex and that you're best friends but I cannot even begin to fathom everything that happened tonight. My wife has been abusing her child for four years and it kills me to know that if I was just around more I might have known and I could have stopped it. But the fact of the matter is that I wasn't around. I was too busy working my fucking ass off to support this family meanwhile my wife is off spending every cent we earned on her ex-husband's hospital bills. And I'm just sitting here every day thinking why the fuck we're still so tight on money."

"Wait, what? That's why you work so many hours?"

"She always handled the money and maybe if we both did I would have noticed our money going to medical expenses and _conversion therapy_," he said as his expression changed to that of frustration and anger.

"Conversion therapy?"

"Yes, she actually paid some psycho shrink to _change her back_. And she didn't even care when I went down there. How can she not care about her own daughter? I mean, I know I have only known Alex for a couple of years and we aren't blood related but she is my daughter and I love her and I never want anyone to hurt her. And to find out that the woman I married, the woman I thought I was in love with was hurting her the most, it killed me."

"I know but she's just scared…of everything. And can you blame her? She thinks it's going to drive away her whole family and that everyone will hate her like her brother and dad did. And then she gets stuck with her mom who beats her and her other brother who avoided her. You're the only family she had that she truly cared about. She thought if she told someone about what was going on you would be mad at her for getting rid of your wife or something."

"If she would have just told me _I _would have gotten rid of her. Not only do I want a divorce but if she gets out I want a fucking restraining order against her for Alex. I don't want her anywhere near her. And I wish she would just come home so I could tell her that there is no reason for her to even run away." That's what I'm saying but Alex is stubborn and will never listen to anyone when she's mad or upset. And her stepdad is here on the verge of _tears_ worried about her.

"Unfortunately this is just how Alex is. She always runs away when something happens. She has been doing that ever since she was ten when she would-" A thought hit me and I froze before face palming. "Oh I am so stupid, how did I not think of that before?"

"Think of what?"

"I know where she is," I said quietly before standing up from my seat.

"Wait, you do?" He also stood up and I nodded.

"I think so."

"Then let's go find her," he said but I shook my head. "Why, what's wrong?" I tried to calm my nerves before taking a deep breath.

"I'll go." He looked taken aback and I don't blame him. I would think I was crazy too. I honestly think I might be at this point.

"Mitchie, don't be ridiculous, it's practically a hurricane out there."

"I have to go alone. She might hate me right now but I'm the only one she'll listen to." I shoved Alex's phone into my coat pocket and grabbed my keys. I stared down at them in my hand and tried to calm my nerves. After the accident my car was totaled but my dad fixed up his old one in the off chance I ever drive again. I haven't been behind the wheel of a car since that night. But I had to put my fears and my anxiety aside right now. I had to do this.

"I'm not going to let you go by yourself in this weather. Let me drive," he tried to argue but I just ignored him and walked out of the house. I heard him calling after me but I didn't want to waste anymore time. The rain seemed to be even worse than before if that was even possible. But I kept walking.

When I reached my block I saw the car parked down the street; it hardly ever moved since I refused to drive it. I could feel my heart already start to beat faster just looking at it. And when I walked up to it and gripped the door handle I thought I was going to pass out. My medication was doing absolutely nothing to help and my therapist picked the worst time to wean me off of it.

I mustered up all the strength I could manage and got in the car and started it. I thought I was going to throw up. And the fact that there was a fucking storm just made me want to run upstairs and never set foot in this car ever again but I knew that wasn't an option. I drew in a breath and exhaled steadily a couple times before putting it in drive.

I needed to be careful but I wanted to get there as fast as I could and it was a trip to begin with. I could barely see the road in front of me once I made it onto the highway and I wanted to break down right then and there. It was so dark out and the rain was beating down on my windshield. The wipers were on full speed but it hardly helped. I thought I was going to die.

My heart was going to beat right out of my chest. I could actually feel it beating and it felt like it was going to burst at any moment. I wanted to close my eyes and block out all of the flashbacks and horrible images from that night but I couldn't. I had to keep my eyes on the road and no matter what I had to keep going. I had to get to Alex.

I was on the road freaking out for maybe around forty-five minutes before I reached my destination. After I got out of Queens the traffic died a bit and I calmed down just a little. But I still couldn't believe that I was actually driving again. But I love Alex and I would do just about anything for her.

I parked my car in the parking lot and thanked God and almost cried from relief when I saw Alex's car parked here too. At least I didn't risk a panic attack for nothing. Now that the hard part was over I removed my coat and ran out of my car and into the large mess of trees next to the large motel. I really hope I remember how to get through all of this to make it to the beach.

Alex brought me here one day. And I remember her telling me that when she would run away she would always come here to be alone. And ever since we got together she didn't need to run away anymore. I knew she would come back here but she probably didn't think I would drive all the way out here especially in the rain.

I finally made it to the rocks and leaves I would have to climb over and my shoes were already soaked and practically sinking into the mud beneath me. I was exhausted and freezing but I managed to make it onto the sand. Once I was on the beach I scanned the area but it was so damn dark out I couldn't see anything. The clouds in the sky were preventing the moon form illuminating anything.

"Alex!" I shouted into the night, _praying_ she was around and could hear me. I wandered closer to the ocean; the waves were ridiculous, crashing violently against the shore. It was a lot windier here because of the water and it was a hell of a lot colder. "Alex!" I continued to scream but I didn't get a response. I kept walking until I could just barely see a silhouette walking in the sand, just where the tide reached. I ran to it. It had to be her. When I got close enough, the dark figure turned around and, sure enough, it was her.

"What are you doing here?" she asked before turning away from me and facing the ocean again.

"Looking for you; you said you always come here to get away from everything."

"Yeah, so why'd you come here? I wanted to get away from you too," she spat and I tried my hardest to not let that statement hurt me.

"Come on, I'm sorry for doing what I did but I had to do _something_. I couldn't just sit there and wait. I had no choice."

"That is bullshit! I trusted you, Mitchie. You promised you wouldn't say anything and you told me you would just back off about the whole Justin thing!" Even though it was pitch black out I could see her face and she was already crying.

"Alex just listen to me, please. Your family loves you and we all want you to come home. I'm begging you just come with me," I pleaded trying not to break down.

"No, just leave me alone. I don't want to go back. I don't want to see anybody. I just want to be alone." I took a step closer to her but she just moved away, closer to the ocean. The water was already coming up past her ankles.

"Alex, stop, can you at least come back here so we can talk." She ignored me and kept walking closer. What the hell was she doing? A wave came toward us and hit her at the knees and at my feet. But she kept slowly inching closer. I knew yelling wasn't the way to talk to her when she's upset but under these circumstances I had no choice. "Alex! What the hell are you doing!" When she ignored me again I inhaled once and went after her. The water felt like ice and it actually pained me to be standing in the ocean. It _was_ the middle of November after all.

"Get away from me, Mitchie, I mean it," she warned but I kept following.

"What are you trying to get yourself killed!" I shouted and was paralyzed with the fear that I might actually be right. As much as I should I just couldn't be delicate about this. "Alex, come back! If the tide doesn't kill you then hypothermia will! Please I'm begging you just come back!"

"No," she said weakly. Her shoulders were shaking and I couldn't tell if it was from crying or from being so damn cold. It was probably both.

"You're going to freeze to death," I told her just as I started to feel my feet practically go numb. I was in so much pain from the water I didn't think I could stand here any longer.

"Mitchie please go away."

"Just come back," I said more calmly and she finally turned around to face me again. She didn't come back but she didn't move away either. In the five or six years I've know her she's never looked so broken and helpless. And it broke my heart.

"I can't go back."

"Yes, you can." I tried stepping closer and she stayed where she was. "If I can promise you that everything will be okay will you please just come with me?" I extended my hand to her and she looked at it before looking back up at me. She seemed like she was actually considering it but was still hesitant. "Alex, trust me. I swear to you it's not going to be like the last time." The tide was so intense. I'm surprised we were still standing. We were completely soaked but the second we lose our balance we're done for. If we were to fall it would be near impossible to get back up.

She studied my hand a moment longer before reaching out and taking it in hers. I held on as more waves crashed against us. I noticed her legs shake a bit and I pulled her into me. Another, much larger, wave hit us and she wrapped her arms around my waist tightly and I did the same so she wouldn't fall or get pulled by the current. When the water was retreating I kept our hands together and quickly moved us away from the ocean.

Her hand was ice cold and I could bet mine felt the same but she didn't let go and I was filled with relief. My clothes were drenched from the waist down and so were hers except her back was also wet. But I couldn't worry about any of that right now. Right now I just wanted to get her out of here and into my car so we could get home safely. She blindly followed me without saying a word but clung to my arm as we made our way through the trees. When we finally reached the parking lot I stopped walking once we passed my car.

"You drove here?" she asked incredulously. I know she has her car with her but I wanted to bring her home. I wanted to make sure that she wouldn't just go somewhere else the second she was out of my sight.

"Yeah," I said simply but I was still freaking out on the inside. My nerves were beyond shot and I once again thought I was going to pass out. "Come on, let's go." I unlocked the car and we both got in. I immediately turned it on and turned the heat up all the way. I didn't even care that we were sopping wet in here.

"Wait, are you sure? Do you want me to drive?" Is she serious? She gets the shit beat out of her and almost gets herself killed…and she's worried about my anxiety?

"I'm fine. Don't worry about me," I tried to assure her but I didn't know how convincing I sounded.

"Mitch, really we can just take-"

"Alex! I'm fine just…give me a second." I sat back against my seat and breathed deeply. This was a thousand times worse now that she was sitting in the car with me. The darkness, the rain, her in the passenger seat; I felt like I was reliving that night and it was driving me insane. I tried again to calm my nerves and I felt around the back seat. I found what I was looking for and handed my coat to her. I didn't want it to get wet in the rain so I would have something dry to wear when I got back. But she needed it more than I did. "Here, wear this."

"But what about-"

"Don't worry about me, please take it." She was only in her hoodie and even though I was freezing my ass off to the point where I was getting a headache, I was far more concerned about her.

"Thank you," she said quietly through a shiver before putting it on.

"You're welcome." Once we both had our seatbelts on I pulled out of the parking lot and carefully made my way back to the highway. Out of the corner of my eye I could see Alex looking at me, probably trying to see if I was really okay to drive. Normally I wouldn't be but I was so terrified because of her I didn't have time to worry about any of that.

We didn't say anything to each other throughout the entire drive but I could see her shivering every now and then and I could hear her light crying. As much as I wanted to focus on the road I took one hand off the wheel and reached out to hold hers again. It was still cold but I laced our fingers together and she held it tightly.

Half an hour later we were parked in front of her apartment but we didn't move. I could tell she didn't really want to go upstairs. I would have offered to bring her to my house instead but I knew she had to go home. I was still holding her hand but I let go and reached into the pocket of my coat that she was still wearing and retrieved my cell phone from it…well, her cell phone, and started typing a message.

_Text Message To: Brian, Justin  
><em>_I found her. We're coming up now._

I sent the message to both of them and then thought of something before sending another.

_Text Message To: Brian, Justin  
><em>_But please just don't say anything to her. I don't think she wants to talk tonight._

They both immediately texted me back with pretty much the same message of relief. I sighed and put the phone in my pocket. I looked over at her and she was looking down at her lap. I couldn't even imagine what was going through her mind right now. And I honestly didn't know what to do to help her. But I knew that this was the end. At least, I hoped it was.

"Are you ready to go up?" I asked softly but she just looked at me. "You don't have to talk to anybody; just go straight to your room, take a shower, change your clothes and go to bed. You don't have to do anything else or deal with anybody tonight," I promised her and she slowly nodded her head. I shut the car off and we both got out. When we reached her door she grabbed my hand again.

Justin opened the door for us and like I asked, he didn't say anything. Brian was sitting on a kitchen stool and he didn't say anything either. Alex and I headed for her bedroom and once we were inside I closed the door behind us. Now that we were in a decent amount of lighting I could see every bruise she got tonight, and these were just the ones on her face and neck.

"I'm sorry," she whispered randomly. I removed my wet hoodie and she did the same. Her hair was sticking to her skin and her eyes were red.

"Don't be. I'm just glad you're safe now." I walked up to her and pulled her into a tight hug which she returned right away. And she just broke down. She cried into me and kept apologizing over and over.

"I'm so sorry Mitchie. I didn't mean anything I said to you."

"Shh, it's okay, really. Just…take a shower and get into some dry clothes before you get sick," I told her and she coughed once and nodded her head before going into the bathroom. I wanted to sit down while I waited for her to get out but my clothes were still wet. Luckily she didn't take longer than ten minutes and before I knew it she emerged from the bathroom in sweatpants and a t-shirt. Even though she was covered in black and blues she didn't look as drained as before. "Hey, how are you feeling?"

"Um…a little better." Her voice still sounded hoarse and I can bet she was already getting sick.

"Good, you probably just need to sleep. You must be exhausted." She nodded again and crawled into bed.

"Thank you…for everything. I know I didn't want to talk to Justin but if you didn't call I might not even be here right now."

"Don't worry about it. All that matters is that you're okay." I stood next to her and leaned down to hug her. When we pulled apart I lightly kissed her forehead but before I could stand back up she grabbed me by the hand. She looked up at me with those big brown eyes of hers and I wanted to cry. I hated seeing her like this. She pulled me down a bit, leaned up and, to my surprise, she pressed her lips against mine and kissed me.

My head was spinning. Her lips, even though they were cut and bruised, were soft and warm and I never wanted to move. But although I had literally dreamt of the moment she would finally kiss me I knew that I couldn't let this happen. I want this more than anything but…not like this. She was hurt and upset and vulnerable and so completely lost. Reluctantly, I pulled away.

"Alex…" I didn't even know what to tell her. I'm the one who has wanted to get back together with her since the second she dumped me. I'm the one who kissed her that day in the park. And yet I am the one who is stopping this.

"I…I'm sorry…I-I just, I'm sorry, I thought-" I cut off her rambling and stuttering.

"No, no Alex. I do, you know I do. It's just…you're in a really bad place right now and…I wouldn't feel right," I tried to explain to her. I didn't want to upset her even further but the look on her face was killing me.

"I'm sorry," she whispered again.

"It's okay, _please_ stop apologizing." She closed her eyes and sighed. "Call me in the morning? I'll be here first thing if you want," I offered with a slight smile to try and lighten the mood. When she opened her eyes she grabbed my hand again.

"Will you stay with me?" she asked and there was absolutely no way I could say no to her.

"Yeah," I said but then realized something. "Can I uh, borrow clothes? I'm kind of still-"

"Of course…and thank you…again." I went through her drawers and grabbed a red shirt, her flannel pants, and a gray hoodie before going into the bathroom to take a hot shower. My skin was a _lot_ colder than I thought it was. The water was painful at first but I soon relaxed and cleaned the ocean off of me.

I towel dried my hair until it wasn't dripping anymore and I went back into the bedroom fully dressed to see Alex on her side with her back to me. I figured she fell asleep already and I closed the light and slowly crawled in next to her. Just as I closed my eyes she turned over and moved in closer until she was pressed up against me and rested her head on my chest. She brought her arms around me under the hoodie and I returned the embrace only to feel her tremble. She was still crying.

"It's okay, Alex," I kept telling her. I would always tell her that because I had always _hoped_ that someday all of this would stop. I hoped that she wouldn't have to suffer anymore. I hoped that one day she could smile and actually mean it. She could smile without it being a mask for the pain truly felt deep inside. And I will tell her this now because for the first time I didn't have to hope. "Everything's going to be okay, I promise." I'll tell her this because for the first time I really do believe it. Her tears slowed and she calmed down until they stopped completely. I was still holding onto her when I heard her mumble something into my shoulder.

"I love you, Mitchie." She said it so quietly I almost didn't catch it. But I heard it. The sound of her voice floated into my ears and warmed my broken heart. Whether she meant that she loves me for helping her or being there for her or as her best friend or that she is _in_ love with me, it didn't even matter. She pulled back from me slightly to look at me in the darkness of her room. "Do you still love me?" Her voice was weak and I could tell just how scared she was. It was the doubt she always felt and I never wanted her to feel that again, especially with me. With her still in my arms I didn't hesitate with my answer.

"I never stopped." I had always loved her. When we were together we were broken and it was my fault. It was my fault she is so nervous to show how she really feels. But I had never been more certain of anything in my life. I had always loved her. And I knew in my heart that I would never stop.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5**


	26. She Will Be Loved Part II

**A/N 1: Part 2 is finally here! This is to make up for the last few chapters that I know everyone hated me for. BUT I think you're going to like this one. So read and enjoy. I hope this chapter comes off like it did in my head. I had been planning this since the beginning. The next one I have already planned out too but after that my updates might slow down a little.**

**Also, follow me on Twitter at manhatanProject!**

**Also...reviews would be swell. Love you guys, hope you enjoy this one. It is _long_.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>26. She Will Be Loved Part II<p>

_Tap on my window, knock on my door  
><em>_I want to make you feel beautiful  
><em>_I don't mind spending everyday  
><em>_Out on your corner in the pouring rain  
><em>_Look for the girl with the broken smile  
><em>_Ask her if she wants to stay awhile_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I was relieved when I woke up and was not blinded by sunlight pouring into the room. I could hear the sound of thunder still going on outside and I knew the storm wasn't over. There was something preventing me from moving from my spot and I looked down and smiled sadly. Alex was still sleeping with her head on my chest and her arms around my waist.

I was still holding onto her as well and I didn't really even feel like moving from this spot. I glanced around the room briefly and my eyes landed on her alarm clock and apparently it was already almost 1:30 in the afternoon. Jesus Christ we slept a long time. I guess we were a lot more tired than I thought. Well, a lot happened yesterday so I'm not that surprised. But I didn't know how things would go today when she wakes up.

I didn't make her talk about it last night because I didn't want to upset her after I had finally gotten her to come home. But I knew Brian and Justin were going to want to speak to her and she was just going to want to put it off for as long as she could. To be honest, I wouldn't mind putting it off too if it meant we could stay like this for a while. I've missed being this close to her but I hated that it had to be under these circumstances.

She stirred a bit before weakly opening her eyes. The bruise under her eye was not as dark as it was yesterday but it was still extremely noticeable. She looked up at me and sighed before resting her head back against me. I moved one of my hands from behind her back and lightly ran it through her hair. She sighed in contentment and snuggled into me more.

"Good morning," she said in slightly raspy voice, probably worn out from crying so much.

"Good afternoon." She scrunched her eyebrows together in confusion before looking at the time.

"Oh shit, it's late." I retracted my hand and she rolled over onto her back and sighed once again, dragging it out this time.

"How are you feeling?" I asked as she stretched, wincing in the process.

"Like I got attacked by a wild animal…oh, wait…" she joked and even laughed a little. It was the first time she's laughed in a while and I missed hearing it even though it wasn't entirely sincere. "What's the damage? How bad is it?" she asked referring to her injuries. I studied her for a second or two.

"Um…it's not _that_ bad," I said not really all that convincing and she laughed again.

"Oh well then you really shouldn't see what my stomach looks like." I offered her a look of sympathy although she seems to be taking this part of her night pretty well. Surely over the years she has gotten used to the physical pain but it still had to hurt. "She mostly hit my head though. That's probably why I was pretty much unconscious. Other than that all the pain is right here," she explained pointing to her midsection. She was a lot stronger than most people give her credit for. She might be scared of a lot of things and she almost never stands up for herself but I'm surprised she's still even alive, especially after her little stunt at the beach.

"How can you just…let her hurt you? When I saw her hit you that night I wanted to kill her. And I seriously thought I was going to." I've tried to erase that awful night from my memory because I never want to imagine _anyone_ doing that to her.

"It's complicated…" she trailed off as she stared at the ceiling. "Well, not really but…it's just that…I know she's horrible and what she does to me is horrible…and I know that you're a lot better at standing up for yourself than I am. I've been going through this for a while now. It never gets easier. She just hates me. And I think that's what hurts me the most; the fact that my own mother hates me so much that she's willing to put me through that kind of pain."

"Alex…"

"And I know I should do something, fight back at least, or…anything at all besides sitting there and just taking it. But I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because…she's my mom." I would hardly call that woman a mom in any sense of the word but I can see just how much it's paining her to even talk about it. "She might wish I was never born or at least _normal_ but she's still technically family. I just can't bring myself to do it even though I probably should and have every right to after everything she's done. I just hate that she doesn't care." A single tear rolled down her cheek and onto the pillow she was laying on.

"Well she's gone now so you don't have to worry about her anymore. And if she ever does come back I'll kick her ass for you," I offered trying to get her to laugh again and it worked. A small smile graced her lips and she turned over onto her side to face me.

"You're always standing up for me."

"It's my job," I told her half seriously. I mean, it was true. As her best friend I had always felt the need to protect her. "And hey, you don't let _everyone _hurt you. I saw you that day you punched Zach in the face." And what a magical moment that was. I was honestly surprised she did it…and at school. She hates any form of confrontation…unless it's with Frank, I guess.

"I didn't punch him because he hurt me," she admitted, her smile falling from her face. "I hit him with his tray of food because he hurt me. I punched him in the face because he hurt _you_." I was actually a little speechless. It seems like such a long time ago but she _hated_ me then and she still did that…for me?

"You did?" I asked, not knowing what else to say, and she nodded her head. "But…why?"

"It's my job too, you know," she said playfully but I could tell she really meant it.

"Thank you."

"Anytime." She reached for my hand between us and laced our fingers together. She still made me get butterflies every time she touches me. We just lied there in a comfortable silence before she got a thoughtful look on her face. "Hey, Mitch?"

"Yeah?"

"Did you mean what you said last night?" she asked and I couldn't tell if she was referring to wanting to kiss her or that I was still in love with her or that everything really was going to be okay for her. But I meant all of it.

"Every word." My voice held conviction and she finally smiled again. She rolled over once more onto her stomach this time but just as she opened her mouth to talk she was interrupted by a knock on her door.

"Come in," she said even though she was probably apprehensive as to who it was. Justin walked into her room but stopped just in front of the doorway. He was probably afraid of setting her off by being here.

"I thought you were finally awake when I heard you guys. I was wondering if I could talk to you, Alex," he told her, though it sounded more like a question, and then turned his attention to me. "I mean, unless you guys are talking then I-"

"No, it's okay. I have to go home anyway. My parents are probably wondering what happened to me." I finally realized that I never actually called my dad yesterday after he dropped me off. I mean, I'm sure he just assumed that I stayed here but I always like letting them know what's going on. "Could you just give us a minute?"

"Yeah, sure, I'll just be outside." He closed the door and I got up from the bed. I haven't slept here in well over a year; it was weird to even wake up in her room.

"You're leaving?" she asked somewhat sadly. I really would love to stay with her but I wanted her family to be able to finally talk everything through today.

"Yeah, are you going to be okay with them?" I didn't know if she was still angry or if she would actually listen to what they have to say.

"I guess…I mean…they already know what's going on…and why. It's not like I can hide it or lie about it."

"True…and if you want, you can come over later. Or I could come back here, you know…now that I'm allowed to be in your house again," I joked and she laughed while getting out of bed too.

"It does seem less scary, doesn't it? I'm just nervous as to how this whole _talk_ with my family is going to go."

"Don't worry about it; I told you everything's going to be fine," I reassured her before picking up my sneakers only to find that they were still wet. Well, I wasn't going to be wearing them for long. "Oh before I forget, where's my phone?" I had left hers on her dresser but I have no idea where mine was. She thought about it for a second before widening her eyes and going into the bathroom. When she came back she was holding a pair of jeans in her hand.

"Crap hold on," she mumbled as she dug through the back pockets. She pulled out two devices; I'm assuming one of them is my phone. "Oh thank God, your phone still works. But my iPod is ruined. I can't believe I forgot they were in my pockets last night." She handed me my cell phone which thankfully didn't have water damage but honestly what did she expect walking into the ocean with technology on her? "You have like, fifty messages from your mom by the way."

"_Great_. I can't wait to see her later to show her that I didn't die or something. I wonder if my parents even went to work today. It's supposed to be shit weather all weekend."

"I don't know but I'll definitely call you later when this all blows over."

"Alright, I'm not doing anything today anyway so I'll be home." I put on my shoes, as uncomfortable as they were, and grabbed my still wet clothes before wrapping an arm around Alex's shoulder in a quick hug and kissing her on the cheek. "Good luck." She attempted to offer me a smile so I wouldn't worry but she couldn't fool me. "I'll see you later."

**Alex's POV**

"Bye, Mitch." I watched her walk out the door and shortly after Justin came back in my doorway. I almost wanted to call Mitchie to come back and stay with me.

"Can I come in?" he asked and I chewed on my tongue as I mulled it over in my head. But I knew I had to do this. Well that and I had no choice.

"Sure." I sat down at the foot of my bed and he soon did the same.

"Are you okay?" he asked after a while of nothing being said.

"In regards to what?"

"Well…everything but…first off…physically, I guess."

"I'm fine. My head just hurts a little."

"That's the only place she hit you?"

"No, she hit me everywhere else, mainly my stomach…but I'm used to that." I saw a flash of sympathy in his eyes but it was mixed in with what I could only assume is guilt.

"And she's been doing this ever since I left?" I was surprised I was even answering him considering how much I hate him. He _did_ save me from my mom though so I might as well give him some answers. But he owes me a lot more.

"Yeah well, a little after. At first she was just really mad at me all the time and would yell at me for practically nothing. Then eventually she just started hitting me." I could tell he wanted to ask me why I never told anyone but he already knew the answer to it. But there was just one thing I had to ask him. "Why did you leave?" He sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at me again.

"The same reason you would…I hated this family. And I couldn't stand living here anymore." My brows furrowed in confusion.

"I thought you left because of me."

"I did, along with everything else. I'm not going to lie to you. I hated you, or at least I thought I did. Remember the night at dinner you told Mom and Dad you're gay?" Of course I remember it. It was one of the worst nights of my life. But it felt so weird to hear him talk about it. I just nodded, not wanting to really say anything. "I didn't care. Yeah, I was shocked at first but I thought about it and realized it didn't matter. You were still the same Alex." I had to stop myself from letting my jaw drop. This had to be a joke.

"Are you kidding me?"

"No and before you get mad-"

"Too late."

"Listen, I didn't care but I didn't think Mom and Dad would start fighting because of it. And all they would do every single day was fight about it and I couldn't take listening to it. I was so mad at you because I knew that's what started it. But I didn't think Dad would actually leave us because of you."

"Well believe it, because he did. Hence why I wouldn't have wanted to see him if you told me to." I crossed my arms and looked down, suddenly feeling extremely uncomfortable.

"Let me finish. I was horrible to you after they got divorced and you didn't deserve it. I thought you did and that's why I kept hurting you. I _wanted_ to hurt you for ruining our family." Why was I listening to this again? Why the hell did Mitchie want me to hear him out? This is the last thing I needed right now. As if I didn't feel bad enough already about all of this.

"Are you done? Because if you are then just leave me alone because-"

"I said let me finish." He wasn't yelling and the calm tone he was using was weird. "All I kept hearing was Mom talking about you and how you're a disgrace to this family and how what you are is wrong and all this crap and I listened to her and I believed her. But I knew I shouldn't have."

"Then why did you?"

"Because I was just mad and didn't know what else to do about it. Our parents got divorced and you seemed to be a good person to place all of the blame on. I _needed_ to place the blame on somebody because I was so mad. No one wants to hear that their mom and dad are splitting up and no one wants to believe something so bad could happen for no reason. Mom blamed you so I figured I might as well too."

"Really? That's your excuse for treating me like absolute shit?"

"No it's not. I told you that there was no excuse for the things I've said to you and I don't even expect you to forgive me because I know I don't deserve it." I tried my hardest to keep it together and to at least hold back the tears that wanted to form in my eyes.

"You told me that I should kill myself," I said hoping my voice wouldn't get too shaky. "Did you know that I tried to?" I asked even though he probably didn't. This is the second time I am admitting it to somebody. I had only ever told Mitchie and that was because it slipped out by accident. I don't know what my mom thought when I was rushed to the hospital; she didn't care enough to even ask and I don't know what she told Max or Brian either. I glanced over at Justin who looked like he was actually about to cry.

"When?"

"Some time after you left. Mom broke my knee with a baseball bat so I had painkillers leftover from that. I took a bunch of them one night. The next morning I woke up in a hospital bed." He mumbled something under his breath and ran his hands over his face and through his hair. His eyes were closed. I felt like I couldn't breathe. I wanted to get out of here. I got up and started heading for the door but Justin stopped me.

"Alex, wait!"

"Leave me alone; I'm out of here." I tried to open the door to leave but he just slammed it back shut.

"You're not leaving again," he said firmly but I just remained quiet. He obviously wasn't going to let me go but I didn't want to talk to him anymore. "We're talking about this." I didn't move or make a sound. I just stood there. "Alex…" he prompted but I was being stubborn and I knew he was getting frustrated with me. "Can you say something?"

"What do you want me to say? I'm sorry I didn't succeed with it? Alright, I'm sorry I tried to listen to you and kill myself and it _didn't work_," I spat and he shut his eyes and sighed again before re-opening them.

"Alex, I know I can't say it enough, but I cannot even begin to tell you how sorry I am for everything," he said in a much gentler voice.

"It's a little late for that don't you think?"

"I know it's late. I should have tried harder to reach you but every time I came by or called the house you didn't want to talk to me or Dad. I figured you hated me so I gave up." I narrowed my eyes at him and sat on the bed again.

"What are you talking about? You left and I never heard from either of you ever again."

"I called the house so many times because I thought that maybe I could make things right but you never wanted to talk to me. And every time I came here either Mom or Max said you weren't home or that you didn't want to see me." None of this made any sense to me. He actually tried to reach me?

"No one ever even told me."

"If they did would you have even wanted to see me?"

"Maybe just to yell at you. But I went four years thinking you didn't even care enough to speak to me ever again. What are you going to tell me that Dad tried to reach me too?" I asked sarcastically but he just stared at me with this confused expression on his face.

"Dad _did_ try to reach you…"

"No, this is bullshit. If you're just telling me all of this crap just so I stop hating you it's not going to work-"

"It isn't bullshit Alex; I'm not lying. That's what I've been trying to tell you! Mom's the one who's been lying!"

"What?"

"She's been lying to you ever since Dad left. I didn't even know until he explained everything after I moved out." My head was pounding and I was starting to feel faint. "Dad didn't leave us…Mom made him go."

"You're lying."

"No I'm not. Would you really put it past her, anyway? She's a fucking psychopath; you know that."

"Well yeah but…"

"Dad didn't tell me he was sick until like…last year. But he's known for a while. And Mom knew too. She didn't want him around anymore so she told him that if he didn't leave she would find a way to keep him away from you regardless. I didn't know what she had in mind but Dad only went along with it because without her he wouldn't have been able to afford treatment."

"Didn't want him around? What do you mean she didn't want him around anymore? She _abused_ me because I made him leave."

"You didn't make him leave. That's just what Mom said. That's what she told me and like an asshole I believed her. He didn't leave because of you. He wanted to stay because of you. He loved you, Alex." I shook my head defiantly and got off the bed once again.

"No, he didn't," I said, avoiding his piercing stare.

"Yes, he did." He got up too and walked over to where I was. But I still had my guard up. I always had my guard up.

"No he didn't."

"He did. He loved you. You were always his little girl and he put you up on a freakin' pedestal, above everyone else. After I left I didn't speak to anyone in our family. But after a while I went to visit Dad and when I told him I left too he was furious with me and that's when he told me everything. And then I was furious at him."

"Why?"

"Because of this entire mess our family was in! Everyone turned against you and for no reason. I was so mad at myself and at him because I had wanted him to try harder to make things right. But when I found out he was sick I just wanted all of us to be a family again…minus Mom, of course."

"Well that's a given…"

"But like I said, you apparently didn't want anything to do with us and we understood that. Dad knew you would never forgive him for leaving you and I knew you would never forgive me for making you think you were…_worthless_," he said as his face contorted in shame and disgust. He honestly looked like he was sincerely sorry and I believe that he is but it doesn't erase what had happened. The damage was already done. "But Dad was more persistent than I was. He kept trying before he gave up. He tried calling. He even tried writing to you but when he never heard back he figured there was no use."

"I never heard from him," I repeated louder as the tears started welling up in my eyes no matter how hard I tried to stop it.

"He would have come here himself but he was eventually bound to a hospital bed because he was so sick and after a certain point he couldn't afford to even keep paying his cell phone bills. Mom was paying for everything."

"But if she didn't want him around why would she help pay for his treatment?"

"Probably the same reason why she never killed you after all these years…we're still family. And I'm sure in some weird, twisted way she still loved Dad and didn't want him to die. She's just…a lunatic. And I'm glad she's finally in jail, to be honest," he confessed and chuckled somewhat humorlessly.

"So am I." I did mean it though. And at least there was something we could agree on. But this was just too much to take in all at once. I thought I was going to start hyperventilating. My room isn't even that small but I was suddenly feeling claustrophobic.

"Look, Alex, I know I might be asking for a lot but…is there any way we can…I don't know, just _try_ being a family again? I know we can't go back and erase everything that's happened but I lost my dad…and now my mom's in prison…I don't want to lose my sister."

"You already did," I said quietly and he put a hand on each of my shoulders and held me in place before I could try and leave again.

"I know…and I'm sorry. You're my little sister; I'm supposed to be the big brother who always protects you and looks out for you and somewhere along the line that changed and I hate that I let us get to this point." I couldn't hold it in any longer. I just find out that everything I thought I knew about my family was a complete lie. My dad never hated me. And I wasted almost five years of my life angry and pissed off and resenting him for something that was entirely my mother's fault. I couldn't help it; I broke down.

"Justin you can't just come back here and expect everything to be okay just because you're sorry! My life was a living hell for five fucking years and I can't just forget that!"

"I know! And I know it's a lot to take in but it's the truth and I know I should have tried to tell you this before but I thought it was too late and it didn't matter anymore! But it does matter, Alex!" He yelled and I coughed once through my sobs. My chest was hurting and my eyes burned from the tears blurring my vision.

"Why didn't you try harder! If you really cared then why didn't you try harder!"

"I'm sorry," he said as he finally lowered his voice again. "You're right. I hate that it took our dad passing away for me to finally do this but you needed to know the truth. I know it's too late-"

"You're damn right it's too late! Five fucking years too late!"

"I didn't know until earlier this year! And dad was already past the point of getting better. And now that he's gone I want to make things right."

"You can't," I whispered, trying to stop crying.

"Yes I can," he said confidently. "You wanted me to try harder and I am. You're my sister. I might be five and a half years older but when we were younger we were really close and here I am, almost twenty four years old, wishing we could go back to when I was like, ten. And you would always come to me when you were scared or some mean boy pushed you or to teach you how to ride a bike or sneak you into the movies."

"Yeah but we're not kids anymore…"

"I know we're not. I know we can't go back. But we can move forward. I shouldn't have let Mom control everything I did or thought. I don't care that you're gay. You're not disgusting and you're not wrong and I will kick anyone's ass who tries to tell you that you are. Because I'm your brother and it's time I started acting like it." My heart was actually in pain. A week ago if someone told me I would be standing face to face with my older brother while my mother is in jail I would think that either they were absolutely insane or I was incredibly high.

But he's here. And he's apologizing, trying to make up for all these years. Mitchie's words from yesterday played over in my head. I didn't get the chance to make things right with my dad. I have that now with Justin. Was I going to throw it away because of everything that's happened? I pushed everything aside; my fears, my pride, my anger…everything. And I hugged him. I actually hugged my brother.

He didn't say anything and neither did I. I wouldn't have known what to say anyway. I was way too overwhelmed and even though I should be slapping myself for what I was doing I just couldn't care anymore. I might be letting him back into my life too soon but I'm not entirely forgiving him just yet. But I am willing to try. Because I am so close to having nobody. And after all these years I just want my family back.

He returned the hug and rested his chin on my head. I don't know how long we've been talking or arguing but I didn't feel like my chest was constricting. I didn't feel like I was being suffocated in my bedroom. The fear I always felt in my own home wasn't there anymore and I felt like I could actually breathe for once.

"Brian thinks you're mad at him," he said to me as he let me go. I should have known he thought that and I almost forgot I had another family member to deal with. "I mean, Max is fine. He's not mad at you. Apparently he never blamed you like I did. And I'm glad. At least you had _one_ brother over the years."

"I mean, we're not close but he's someone to talk to. He and Brian are the only reason I ever came home when I moved in with Mitchie."

"Brian's a good guy…I don't know how he put up with our mom but hey, she's gone and he's sticking around. You should talk to him. He was really worried about you last night." I sighed and nodded, knowing he was right.

"I know."

"You want me to tell him to come in?"

"No I'll go talk to him. I need to apologize." I felt really bad about ignoring his calls and messages yesterday. I deleted every text I got on Mitchie's phone from Brian and Justin without even looking at them.

I admit I was kind of nervous again. I mean, Brian has always been there for me and when he just left yesterday it hurt. Out of everyone in my family he is the one I thought wouldn't do that. I know I shouldn't be so hard on him because he had to have been in shock. I would have been freaked out to if I came home and found out my wife was bat shit crazy…and in jail.

I left my bedroom and found him sitting at the dinner table by the kitchen. He was reading the newspaper and had a beer in one hand. I didn't want to have such a nerve-wracking and emotional conversation all over again but I had been lying to him ever since I met him and it needed to stop. He almost immediately noticed my presence when I walked in.

"Oh, Alex there you are," he said in what appeared to be a casual tone. "I was starting to think you were never going to come out of your room." And I thought I was never going to come out of the closet but apparently that ship has sailed.

"Yeah, Justin wanted to talk to me."

"How'd that go?" It was no secret that Justin and I haven't had the best brother-sister relationship over the years.

"Um…it was…good."

"That's good. How are you feeling?"

"I've…been better." I walked over to the table and took the seat adjacent to his. "I'm really sorry, Brian," I finally said and he just looked confused. He set his beer and newspaper down.

"Sorry? For what? I'm the one who should be sorry. I'm sorry you had to live like this for so many years. I'm sorry I was so oblivious to what was going on. And looking back I should have known something was wrong. The way you would always tense up whenever your mother was around. How unhappy you were. How you were never home. I didn't even know you packed up and moved out!"

"Well actually Mitchie technically packed up and moved me out…I kind of just went along with it."

"Oh and thank _God_ for that girl or else I don't even know what might have happened to you." He looked upset, almost grief-stricken. And my guilt came back full force. "And her parents! I can't believe even they knew and I didn't!"

"They didn't know," I told him quickly. I didn't want to drag Mitchie's parents down after everything they've done for me. "Mitchie just told them I was having problems at home and that's it. But they said I could stay."

"Alex, I'm so sorry but how could you not tell me? You know you can always come to me for anything, you know that. I wouldn't have judged you or hated you."

"I know that now," I said as I felt my tears returning to my eyes. "I'm sorry I didn't tell you."

"And how could you not tell me about your mother? You're my daughter and I always want to protect you but how can I when I don't even know what to protect you from?"

"I don't know, I just thought you would get mad at me or something…" I trailed off and he stood from his chair and enveloped me in a hug. I cried almost instantly. It was already starting to wear me out.

"I would never get mad at you for this. But I don't want you to have to feel like you have to run away."

"I'm just so used to it. For the past five years I believed my dad wanted nothing to do with me and when you left yesterday I just…I thought…"

"Alex, I'm not going to leave. I only left last night because I was so shocked and confused and angry at your mother and myself for not knowing. Mitchie was right. I really don't know you as well as I thought I did. And when I went down to the station yesterday for _some_ kind of explanation for all of this she started giving me this crap about you being gay." And suddenly, my heart felt a whole lot heavier. It sank to the pit of my stomach and I thought I would vomit at any second because of how much pain I felt. I drew in a deep breath before exhaling carefully to calm myself.

"It's um…it's not crap," I admitted but his expression never changed. And that honestly scared me. But I couldn't hide who I was anymore.

"Oh believe me, everything that came out of her mouth was one hundred percent _crap_. I will never understand how anyone can speak of their own daughter like that. It absolutely sickens me," he said, his eyes burning with anger. "Look at me Alex, don't you dare listen to her or believe anything she tells you, not even for a second. There is nothing wrong with you." And suddenly I could breathe again. I was pretty much stunned speechless but I don't understand why I couldn't expect this reaction from him. I hated that I was so afraid that everyone I loved would eventually turn against me and leave.

"Really?"

"Of course; you're my daughter and I love you no matter what, I've told you that, but please stop running," he practically begged and I felt bad all over again. "I know it was partially my fault but you had me worried sick. And it's dangerous outside with this storm going on you can't just take off every time you're upset or hurt."

"I know. I'm sorry. I really am. And I love you too but I just didn't know what to do. Everything was happening so fast; it freaked me out. I was just so mad I wanted to get away from everyone and everything."

"I understand but I'm telling you that you don't have to worry about that anymore. She's gone and she can't hurt you anymore," he said and his reassurance brought fresh tears to my eyes but not from guilt or pain. But from relief. I had never felt relief quite like this in my entire life. Mitchie's words made another round through my mind and through my tears, I smiled. I smiled and cried freely as Brian pulled me into the first protective, fatherly embrace I had felt in a really long time. I felt like a child again, being saved from all of my fears by my dad. "Oh, one more thing…" I let go and stared at him wondering what we had missed in our conversation. "You are _never_ going back to that fucking therapist." And just like that I hugged him even tighter than before. "You've more than suffered enough already. And all that ends now."

"Thank you," I managed to say, muffled by his shirt. My heart was racing but I felt safe, for the first time. I _was_ safe.

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I hated being by myself in my house. It's not like I spend every second with my parents anyway but I always like knowing that someone else is home too. I guess it's just an anxiety thing and I was _really_ starting to hate my lower dose in medication lately. But here I am, alone, in my dark ass house in the middle of a thunderstorm.

I have done literally nothing all day since I left Alex's house and she hasn't called me yet. It's been hours since then though and I was beginning to wonder when or if she would ever call. I was anxious to hear how everything went. I was praying that she was going to be okay with her family today. But I have to admit that I am a little worried that she might shut down like she tends to in these situations.

It was getting late and I believe I was going mad with cabin fever. There was no point in going out in this weather and there was nothing to do in my house. I didn't want to call Alex because I wanted to give her some time and space after everything that's happened. But I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself I thought I might actually be going insane. That is, if I wasn't already before.

I moved back and forth in my swivel chair, bored out of my mind on my laptop. It could only hold my attention for so long before I go back to watching TV. And then I would get bored of that again and come right back here. I've spoken to Eric for a good portion of my day but my attention span might as well be completely nonexistent right now. Just when I thought I was going to snap from the boredom my phone rang. It was Alex.

"Hello?" I asked, relieved to finally hear from her.

"Hey Mitch, what's up?"

"Um, nothing I'm just home by myself."

"By yourself? Where are your parents?"

"They went to work today because apparently the weather wasn't so terrible this morning but it got really bad again so my dad picked up my mom and they went to my grandparent's house since it is closer. They called like an hour ago saying they were just going to stay there until tomorrow and come home when the roads aren't so bad."

"Oh, that sucks. I know how much you hate being home by yourself."

"Yeah well what can I do? I don't want to make them to come home in this weather just because I can't be alone," I half joked and then sighed right after. "But anyway, what are you doing?"

"I'm doing nothing too. I'm sorry I didn't call you earlier but I just needed time to process everything. And I wanted to just spend the day at home, especially after running away yesterday. I didn't want Brian to think I was leaving again."

"No it's okay, don't worry about it; I understand. How'd everything go?"

"Um…it went…well, I think."

"You think?"

"Yeah…you were right. Brian was more than supportive…of everything. And turns out, so was Justin."

"Wait, really? That's great."

"Yeah, I mean, having Justin back in my life is going to take some getting used to. And I still haven't forgiven him completely but…I just needed to have a family again. I should have listened to you from the start."

"Well at least you're giving him a chance."

"I know. And Max is cool with everything. But then again he never hated me."

"That's good; I'm really happy for you, Alex."

"Thanks. It just feels so weird…amazing, but weird, you know? To have a real family. Well, we're still kind of dysfunctional; estranged brother finally returns, dead dad, mom in jail, and whatnot."

"You sound happy though."

"I think I finally am happy…" she trailed off and I heard a loud booming sound in the background.

"What's that noise?"

"Oh there's this new thing, I don't know if you've heard of it, but it's called thunder and it's-"

"Shut up you idiot, I know what thunder is," I told her through our laughter.

"Then why'd you ask?"

"I meant, why is it so loud? Where are you?"

"I'm just chillin'. But I got to tell you, I'm starting to freeze my ass off because _some people_ are paranoid and lock their windows when they're home by themselves." At that I grew incredibly confused. What the hell was she talking about?

"What?"

"I ditched my family to go see my favorite person but instead I'm locked out in the rain," she explained and I stood from my chair and walked over to my window and lifted the blinds. As soon as I did, a flash of lightning struck, illuminating my fire escape for all of one and half seconds. It was just enough to see Alex standing outside with her hood on and her phone to her ear. I nearly jumped out of my own skin and my hand flew to my chest to calm my irregular heartbeat.

"Jesus Christ! What are you doing out here? You scared the crap out of me," I half yelled but she just laughed at me. I hung up and set my phone down so I could open the window and let her in. I offered my hand and she grabbed onto it before climbing through. Once she stepped inside my room she took her hoodie off and smiled at me.

"It's about time. You didn't hear me knocking before?" I closed my window and sat back down in my computer chair.

"No, I probably had my music on before. Besides, I lock my bedroom door if I'm alone at night anyway. How long were you out there?"

"Wow you really are paranoid. And not that long actually. I could have tried the front door but I wanted to come up this way, for old time's sake."

"Oh…"

"You know, it's funny. I always climbed up your fire escape during the night to run _from_ something, but when I think about it…I guess I was always running _to_ something."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean…no matter how hard I try, I always seem to come right back…to you." My heart fluttered just a bit but I didn't know what to think.

"Alex…"

"And I don't care if you think I'm in a bad place because I'm not. I'm in the best place I've ever been in a really long time. And, no surprise at all, it's all because of you." She came closer to where I was sitting and grabbed my hand to pull me up so that I was standing with her. "Mitchie, I told you to get out of my life and never speak to me again and yet you've been there for me more than anybody else…through everything; you took me in when my mom would hurt me, you stayed with me and made sure I got home safe when we were drunk and lost, you took care of me and kept me company when I was sick, you tutored me when I needed help in school. You were there for me during this whole mess with my family what with my dad dying and my brother coming back and my mom getting arrested. You saved me, in every sense of the word, and I can never thank you enough for that. And I know I'm always the one telling you that we're just friends. But I am done trying to convince myself that you and I are better off this way. Because we're not."

"So what does this mean?" I asked curiously. She was standing there right in front of me, the tips of her hair slightly wet from the rain. She had attempted to cover up her injuries but didn't put much effort into it. But even with her bruises I still found her face to be absolutely flawless. She always was in my eyes.

"It means…that if you still believe I'm not thinking clearly…then you have a little over a second to move before I do something I have wanted to do for a _long_ time," she breathed out but before I could say anything she took one step into me and grabbed my face with both of her hands and crashed our lips together.

This was nothing like last night. Last night I could feel her fear and vulnerability. It was like she was a broken girl who just needed comfort and didn't know what to do. But now all I feel is this raw, burning passion in her lips and I wasted no time and wrapped my arms around her waist until our bodies couldn't get any closer. And I kissed her back with everything I had in me.

She ran her fingers through my hair and deepened the kiss and I never thought it would feel so good to be this close to her again. I have kissed her so many times before but there was a hunger in me after not being with her for so long and I thought my legs were going to give out at any moment. My arms dropped below her waist and around her thighs and I lifted her up and carried her the short distance to my bed.

Not even my weakened medication or my anxiety could stop me from enjoying every second I was experiencing with her. She wrapped her arms around my neck just as I felt her tongue clash with my own and I was lost in bliss. Nothing in the world could ever compare to the feeling of her soft skin under my fingertips or her perfect lips against mine. We pulled away, breathless, and I stared down at her.

"I love you, Alex," I told her honestly, just as a reminder. Because I never want her to forget that she is and always will be the single most important thing in my life. Her smile was bright and quite possibly the most genuine I had ever seen it. If someone asked me what true love is really like I would tell them to look at this girl smile. Because looking at it now, I think I am falling in love with her all over again.

"I know." She leaned up and placed a small kiss on my lips. "I love you too, Mitch." And her response had the power to bring me to my knees just as much as her smile did. There was no doubt; she sounded so sure, for the first time. I never thought we would be here again. And not like before. I didn't want this to be like before. I wanted to start over new. So we could be something more. Something better.

I dipped my head and captured her lip between mine once more. I needed to taste her again. I needed to feel her skin hot underneath mine and her heart beating rapidly against my chest. I needed to hear her jagged breathing once we pull apart and my lips start trailing down the length of her neck. She let out a small gasp as I sucked right over her pulse point. And without warning, she sat up and flipped us over.

**Alex's POV**

Her hands were on my waist, slowly inching below the hem of my shirt and I loved how it drove me crazy. Every last one of my senses was on overload and going out of control and I couldn't get enough of it. I never wanted to leave this bed. I just wanted to stay here forever with her. She dragged her hands further up my shirt and I was having trouble keeping my breathing under control.

She gripped my shirt in her hands and tugged it upwards. I lifted my arms up a bit and she took it off of me completely, my battered and disfigured midsection now exposed to her. And she gasped quietly before running her hands along my abdomen. The pain subsided and all I could feel was her soft fingers tenderly caressing each mark and bruise, almost as if they were healing them with their touch.

My mind was reeling and I was lost in a haze of love and lust and passion and everything that is Mitchie. I looked down at her in pure adoration. Nothing in the past even mattered. She wasn't the ex-girlfriend who broke my heart. She was my best friend. She was Mitchie. She was perfection.

She leaned up with me in her lap and kissed me fiercely. Her hands found their way to my bare back and her nails dug into it when I sunk my teeth into her bottom lip ever so slightly. She was still wearing my t-shirt and I grabbed the back of it, pulling it over her head, only to find she was already without her bra. We went back in to reconnect our lips at the same time and I heard her moan into my mouth. And I couldn't deny that it turned me on to no end.

I moved my lips carefully yet hungrily down her jaw line as I slowly laid her down again. I kissed down her throat and then back up again, loving the noises she was making. It sounded so beautiful to me and I couldn't stop my hips from gently pressing down into hers. I just had to hear more. It was like a drug that I needed to keep me in this wonderful high. And her hips grinding back into mine only reminded me that I wasn't in some fantasy land. And she was really here with me.

My hands idly traveled over her body, her _perfect_ body; admiring it, feeling it, savoring it. I caressed her sides as my lips traveled down once again. I kissed her collar bone and felt her hands on my back again, fueling my desire for her even further. I slid my hands even further down her waist until they rested on her hips, the waistband of her sweatpants. And I held her just a little tighter.

After being without her for so long I needed her badly. I had never wanted someone, _anyone_, so badly in my entire life. I gave her pants a light tug and she moved her hands from my back and placed them over mine, holding them in place. I stopped kissing her and pulled back just a little bit, thinking I had pushed this too far. I searched her eyes for a sign for just about anything.

We have been here before on more occasions than one. I know it and she does too. But I would never push her to do something she didn't want or wasn't ready for. And I had always imagined Mitchie being the first and only person I ever gave myself to. And I hated that I gave that up and to Nate no less. But it meant nothing. I may have lost my virginity to him but the feeling was never there.

And even after, I always thought I would get that first chance at really being with someone when I finally had Mitchie. She was everything to me. She still is. And I knew that when the time was right the feeling would be there. Because it had been there all along. But she wasn't ready and I knew that. And I respected that. I respected her too much to do this before we had the chance to do it right. We could have had that chance.

But she didn't. That chance was more or less taken from her. We both had that chance taken from us. We let it slip away when we should have held on tighter. But maybe now we could have that chance. Because there had never been love for either of us, until right here, right now. I looked down at her face, her beautiful, sweet, and innocent face. She was still the same girl as before, insecure yet braver and stronger than anyone I had ever met. I leaned down and placed a sweet kiss on her lips. She was still my Mitchie.

She kissed back with a little more fire in her and she pushed up against me. She pushed up so much that her hips lifted off the bed. And, while still holding my hands that were still holding her sweatpants, she slowly slid them down her legs until they reached her ankles. And once they were completely off, she wrapped her arms around my neck and pulled me in closer. Her hands inched down my back and swiftly undid my bra clasp before successfully removing it and pressing our bodies against each other.

Her lips moved against mine perfectly, causing an overwhelming aching sensation between my legs and I slowly dragged my hips down on hers again, needing that wonderful friction. I was so high off of the feeling of finally being with her again, I hardly registered her hands moving further down my back and pulling my own sweatpants down my thighs. I helped take them off the rest of the way until we were both in nothing but our underwear.

I tore my lips away from hers and reattached them to her neck. She let out a slight whimper the harder I sucked on the soft skin below her ear. My hands were all over her. I wanted to feel every inch of her. My fingers deftly hooked at the edge of her underwear and she sucked in a breath. But she didn't say anything. And in a painfully slow almost tantalizing manner, I pulled them down.

I paused where I was and sat up a little in a half lying down, half straddling position. I didn't even have to see her face to feel her insecurities practically radiating off of her. And now I wanted _her_ to know that there was nothing to worry about. I wanted to tell her, show her, that there is nothing or no one in the world that compares to her.

I reached one hand up to touch her face and brushed aside her hair. If you weren't looking for it you wouldn't see it. And with makeup it's nearly invisible. She usually uses her bangs to cover it, always pushing it to the side. She had never felt comfortable with it but I see nothing wrong with her face. The scar left behind from the accident, beginning just under the corner of her left eye and ending mid-cheek, did nothing to tarnish the rest of her flawless features. Her eyes moved away but I bent down and softly pressed my lips to the thin, faint line trailing down the side of her face.

When I pulled back once again she was still looking away. It's dark in her room save for her desk lamp but I could still see her. And here I have this gorgeous girl under me, completely naked, and yet I can't seem to stop staring at her face. I gently tilted her head towards me, wanting her to finally look at me again. I wanted her to see the love in my eyes as much as I wanted her to hear the sincerity in my voice.

"You know, you have the most beautiful eyes I have ever seen." _Completely_ naked, and I'm sitting here talking about her eyes; eyes that I have seen almost every day for the past five years. Eyes that I could stare into forever.

And her eyes shined just a little brighter, making my heart melt within my chest. She reached her hand up to my cheek and I closed my eyes, leaning into her touch. I placed my hand over hers, intertwining our fingers, and kissed the palm of it before connecting our lips once again. It was a slow kiss. A wordless _I love you_ in the silence of her bedroom. The only sound was the rain pouring outside.

I let go of her and continued to kiss her as I ran my hands down her body; from her chest to her abdomen to her stomach to her hips and ending on her thighs. I rubbed them slowly and I could feel her arousal against me. It sent a whole new fire throughout my own body and as my hand traveled back up she let out a moan and bit down on my lip, urging me to continue, to stop teasing, and to bring her to the point we both so desperately desired.

Her cries of pleasure are muffled by my mouth as our bodies molded together and I felt her for the first time. Her fingers wove into my hair, tugging ever so gently which only made me move faster. But I didn't want to hurt her. Because this was our chance and I was going to make sure it was perfect. I wanted us to make up for the chance we had lost. I pulled away from her lips and her moans rang loud and clear through my ears. And it only turned me on that much more.

I slowed my motions and continued at a steady pace, not wanting to rush anything. I wanted to remember this moment. Her hair splayed across the pillow, her hands pressed firmly on my back, her legs trembling every time I would push just a little harder. And my name was almost an echo in the emptiness of her house, repeated over and over. And it made my heart rate skyrocket and legs ache even more.

I kissed her again but pulled back almost immediately to breathe out a gasp of my own when I felt her hand dip past the fabric of my underwear. I squeezed my eyes shut and let out a string of breathless moans as her fingers met my burning desire and I nearly collapsed onto her. But I kept going, my ministrations only quickening with my renewed passion and longing for this girl.

I could feel her hot breath on my ear as she pulled me in closer, our naked bodies pressing against one another and sending me to another planet. I was in heaven. If there ever were such a thing, this was it. I was sure of it. The ache between my legs increased and spread throughout the entire lower half of my body and my hips moved to meet her thrusts as did her own to meet mine.

I slowed once again but her movements only intensified, nearly making my heart beat out of my chest. She flipped us over and seeing her take control could have brought me to my climax alone. The sweat on our skin was shining slightly in the pale moonlight peeking through the blinds. My breathing became harder, more irregular and I was the first to fall over the edge, grabbing a fistful of sheets underneath me. My other hand stopped moving long enough for me to let out a loud, high pitched groan that sounded an awful lot like her name, and my legs that were wrapped around her hips gave out.

Without giving myself enough time to come back and get my breathing under control I smashed my lips onto hers in a searing kiss and picked up the pace without hesitation. She was still carefully moving her fingers, almost bringing me over again but she was having trouble focusing as her eyes practically rolled to the back of her head. I pushed my hips up into her and a shudder ripped through her. She moaned something incomprehensible as she pulled her lips away from mine and cried out into my shoulder just as she thrust into me one last time, sending me once again into absolute ecstasy. And I held onto her as we slowed down until we both fell limp, our bodies burning and our hearts beating in sync.

She collapsed to my side and our lips found each other in a gentle but intensely passionate kiss. I reached over her and pulled the cover over us. Both my hands held each side of her face and I ran my fingers through her dark brown hair. When we broke apart her eyes were shining and I placed a soft, lingering kiss on her cheek before wrapping my arms around her waist as she did the same, everything else long forgotten. And I knew that nothing else mattered anymore.

Genuine happiness was something I never knew. It took me falling in love with my best friend when I was only fifteen or sixteen years old for me to realize that she is the only one who could truly bring me that kind of happiness. And if I had ever doubted her feelings for me then the last few months have more than changed my mind. It was blatantly obvious that I couldn't be without her but in a way I'm glad that I was.

Through everything that has happened between us we always found our way back to each other, no matter what. Through fights, lies, betrayal, hurtful words, and broken promises she is still the one person in my life I know I can count on. She is my best friend over everything else and I will always love her in a way nobody else could even come close to. And even after all my constant fears, I felt no doubt. I know that she feels the same.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Well...there it is. It finally happened. I know it only took me around 50+ chapters but you can blame me putting them having sex off for so long on me being straight if you want, I don't know but I wanted it to be more meaningful anyway. So...I hope I pulled this scene off lol.**

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: She Will Be Loved by Maroon 5**


	27. Hard To Concentrate

**A/N 1: Thank you thank you thank you for the reviews, they mean a lot. I love you all. I'm glad you liked the last one. And it was interesting to know how may of you really thought I was gay lol. Oh well. I hope you like this one too. I've been waiting a while to finally write this chapter.**

**The song I use towards the end is By Your Side by Sade, and the lyrics are** _italicized _**just to clear up confusion beforehand. It's not necessary but I strongly recommend listening to the song as you read it just because it's such a great song. But like I said, it's not necessary.**

**Anyway, read and enjoy.**

**And review! You should do that too. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>27. Hard To Concentrate<p>

_Do you want me to show up for duty  
><em>_And serve this woman and honor her beauty  
><em>_And finally you have found something perfect  
><em>_And finally you have found yourself…with me_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I cannot remember the last time I woke up feeling like I was on top of the world. And that might be because I never have. But last night might have been quite possibly the greatest night in my entire existence. It would have been even if we didn't have sex, only because I finally told Mitchie how I feel and, just like Frank had said, she feels the same way. I opened my eyes and looked to my left at the girl sleeping on her stomach with her arm around me and my heart nearly stopped. I actually had sex with Mitchie last night.

I didn't even come here with the intention of sleeping with her. I just wanted to tell her that I love her because I had waited long enough. Making out with her was a bonus; I'm not going to lie. But I didn't think we would go all the way. I guess I was just so used to her not being ready. And even though she slept with Zach and was no longer a virgin I still kind of felt like she was.

I can't explain it. But it's like the whole Zach thing never happened. It was an accident and I know she regrets it and no matter how angry and hurt I was by her betrayal I know she was too. And that's why if she and I ever got to that point I wanted it to be special. I wanted her to have a do-over with her first time, the way it should have been. And I'm glad she trusted me enough to share that experience with her.

And after all the meaningless sex I had with Nate it was like a breath of fresh air to be with Mitchie. Sex had always been a miserable experience for me ever since I let him take my virginity. It was like a painful, tiring, and annoying task that I had to do. But not with Mitchie. I had never felt so…amazing. Words cannot even describe it.

The arm around my bare waist retracted and I watched as Mitchie turned over onto her back and opened her eyes. She rubbed them a couple of times with both her hands before turning her head and looking at me. She stared at me and I just stayed where I was, trying to figure out what was going through her mind. She reached out and held the side of my face and ran her thumb over my cheek. And she smiled.

"Morning, beautiful," I told her and grabbed the hand touching my skin. I brought it to my lips and kissed her fingers. Her smile brightened and it took my breath away. I wanted to wake up to that smile for the rest of my life. It was the only way to wake up.

"Morning," she said just as a slight blush graced her cheeks. Her smile faded a little and then she just looked confused. Before I can ask anything, her eyes glanced around the room and then landed on me again. "Do you smell pancakes or am I losing it?" Well, that definitely wasn't what I was expecting. But she actually wasn't wrong now that I think about it.

"No I think I do too."

"I guess my parents are back already…" she trailed off nonchalantly but I couldn't help but panic a little.

"Um…you kept your door locked right?" I asked a little nervously and she giggled quietly before nodding.

"Yes, don't worry."

"Oh I love that you're so paranoid when you're home alone." She laughed again and rolled back over onto her stomach.

"And I love that you're still afraid of my parents walking in on us."

"I'm glad you're amused but it's just a _little_ different this time," I pointed out while looking down between the two of us.

"How so?" She asked with a smile and I leaned in closer to her and whispered in her ear.

"Because we're naked." She pulled back from me and looked confused again.

"We are? The hell…when did this happen?" she joked and I lightly smacked her arm.

"Shut up."

"Oh relax I'm just kidding. And besides, I always thought it was cute when you would get scared of being walked in on."

"I thought you thought it was annoying."

"It's actually kind of funny." I rolled my eyes and got out of bed in search for something to put on. I picked up my bra and walked over to her dresser. I could practically feel her staring at me. I smirked a little even though she couldn't see it.

"Enjoying the view, darling?" I said over my shoulder before grabbing some underwear from her drawer. I put it on along with my bra and turned around to find her staring at me like I had expected.

"Yes but as much as I enjoyed it I have to say…you wearing my underwear is kind of sexy."

"Kind of?" I walked back over to the bed and crawled on top of her over the covers.

"Extremely," she corrected herself. I leaned down but stopped just an inch or two away from her lips.

"You know, I've been dying to kiss you ever since we woke up," I admitted as I looked into her curious eyes.

"So why don't you?"

"I haven't brushed my teeth yet." She laughed and sat up a bit. The blanket still covered her chest but I did get a nice view of her cleavage.

"It's okay, I'll get over it," she said and closed the gap between us, pressing her lips against mine. When we broke apart she licked her lip and shrugged. "Hmm, not bad."

"The kiss?" I asked with a raised eyebrow and she laughed again.

"No, your breath."

"Oh, well I did brush my teeth last night before I left my house."

"I thought you tasted a little minty. _Someone_ came prepared."

"Well I _really_ wanted to kiss you. And good thing I brushed before I left because I honestly didn't think I was going to stay here." She shifted a little under me and I moved to get off of her. She had this look on her face that I was having trouble reading. "What's wrong?" I asked when I realized she wasn't about to say anything.

"Nothing." She got up and started to get dressed, putting on only her bra and underwear too. She came back to the bed and sat next to me with her legs crossed.

"Mitch, are you okay?" I tried asking again thinking she was nervous about something. But she still didn't answer me. "Is it about last night?" I instantly started panicking a little. What if she regrets what we did last night? Did she just go along with it because she felt like she had to?

"No…well, yeah but…" she stammered out before turning to face me. I wasn't entirely sure but I think I knew what she was trying to say. "I don't know…because last night was great."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I thought it was amazing." I grabbed her hand and laced our fingers together. She leaned back to lie down and I moved to straddle her, a knee on either side of her.

"It was amazing for me too, you know," I reassured her.

"It was?" There it was; the insecurity. And no matter how many times I tell her, she will never understand. I nodded and leaned down to kiss her again.

"And you want to know something?" I asked once I pulled away but lingered by her ear.

"What?"

"You were my first," I told her but she looked at me like I was nuts.

"Is…that a joke?"

"Nope, I'm a virgin." She still stared at me, not believing a word I was saying. "Well…half a virgin, not that whatever I did with Nate should count for anything but…I've never been with a girl before."

"You haven't?"

"No. All those times I almost slept with Sam it just…never happened. I never wanted it to happen. The only reason I ever even got close was because I was trying to forget about you. But it never felt right."

"What about Kelly?"

"I told you she and I were never serious. And again, I was just trying to get over you. But it never happened. Because deep down I knew that you were really the only one I wanted to be with. And I'm so glad that you were my first…everything, to be honest. You were my first girlfriend, the first girl I had ever truly _been_ with, and the first, and only, person I had ever been in love with." Her confused faced turned into a happy one and she reconnected our lips.

"You're amazing, you know that?"

"As are you and don't you ever forget it." Any fears I had about how this morning would go just flew out the window. I was afraid that it might have been too good to be true because things like this, amazingly wonderful things, just don't happen to me. I was about to kiss her again but someone started knocking on her door.

"Mitch, you up?" her dad called from inside.

"Yeah."

"Oh okay, just wanted you to know that breakfast is ready."

"Okay I'll be right out." She sat up and I stood from the bed so she could too. She pulled on a new t-shirt and the sweatpants she was wearing last night and I put on the clothes I came here in before we both headed inside where her dad was. "Good morning."

"Morning, honey. Oh, hey Alex. I didn't know you were here too. Grab a plate, there's plenty of food." I smiled and thanked him as I sat down beside Mitchie. "You slept over?"

"Yeah well you know, Mitchie was alone and I thought I should come protect her from the big, scary storm," I joked and she shot me a glare but her dad started laughing.

"Shut up, I don't like being alone."

"Oh, calm down we know; it was just a joke," I told her and casually put my hand on her thigh. She froze with her glass about halfway to her mouth and she glanced my way. I just stood up and walked over to the fridge to grab a drink.

"Good morning, Mitchie…oh and Alex," Mitchie's mom said once she entered the kitchen and saw me. "You came last night?" she asked and I almost laughed at how off that sounded.

"I sure did," I said while trying to hide my amusement. But Mitchie choked on the orange juice she was drinking and her parents both looked at her to see if she was okay. She coughed and looked up at me and I smiled. "Twice," I mouthed out with a wink and I could see her trying to fight the redness in her cheeks.

"You alright there, Mitch?" her dad asked as she finally composed herself.

"Yeah, I'm fine. So, when did you guys get back?" she quickly changed the subject and I grabbed the juice and went to sit back down with her.

"Um, an hour ago…maybe two."

"You don't have work today, do you?"

"No, it's Sunday," he said and my head snapped up immediately as a thought hit me.

"Oh crap, _I_ have work today."

"You do? But I thought you said you took the whole week off," she asked me, sounding a little saddened at the fact that I had to leave soon.

"The week ended yesterday. I told my manager I would come in today at noon and stay until eight."

"Isn't it supposed to rain all weekend though?"

"I don't know," I shrugged and her parents joined us at the table to eat. "Probably."

"That reminds me, your mother and I are going to pick up her car later today. And your grandparents invited us back over for dinner. Are you going to be okay being alone again tonight?"

"I said I don't like being alone not that I was incapable of it."

"Don't worry, I'll just swing by when I get out of work and…keep you company again," I said and ran my hand under her shirt and over her stomach. Her parents were sitting across from us so they couldn't see but I just thought it would be fun to watch her try to hide her reactions.

"Well there you go, problem solved. I mean, unless you want to come with us. I'm sure your grandma would love seeing you after such a long time." I inched my hand closer to her sweatpants until I slipped below them. She closed her eyes and tried her hardest to shift in her seat to move away from my touch. "Yeah I figured you wouldn't want to go. I don't blame you," her dad continued, oblivious to the real reason behind her behavior. Her mom glared at him. "What? You know how your mother gets." They continued to argue back and forth, ignoring me and Mitchie and she took this opportunity to scold me.

"Stop it," she hissed quietly before biting her lip as my hand traveled even further south.

"Stop what?" I whispered back as innocently as I could but I was still smiling. Her parents turned to face each other as their argument heated. She let go of her fork and pulled my hand out of her pants.

"Are you okay, Mitch?" her dad asked, now paying attention to us again. "You seem…"

"Frustrated?" I finished for him and Mitchie shot another glare my way. "Well you do…"

"No I don't."

"You look a little flushed."

"I'm _fine_," she said a little more firmly and I couldn't help but chuckle quietly. But I eventually left her alone the rest of breakfast. I knew it was risky in front of her parents and I didn't want something…bad…to happen. After we finished eating Mitchie immediately stood from her seat and went to her room and I followed right after her. I closed and locked the door behind me and when I turned around she was standing there with her arms folded over her chest.

"So…how's it going?" I said casually knowing full well that she was trying not to hit me.

"What the hell was that back there?"

"I don't know what you're-" I started to play dumb but the look on her face mad me stop mid-sentence. "Sorry."

"You're lucky my parents weren't suspicious. The last thing I need is for them to find out from seeing you with your hand down my pants."

"_You're_ lucky I stopped when I did or they would have found out from you randomly having an orgasm at the breakfast table," I teased, earning another glare from her but she didn't look mad. "See it's not so funny being paranoid about your parents finding out." She dropped her arms and sat on her bed.

"Alright, you're right, it's not funny." I walked over to where she was sitting and stood between her legs.

"I mean, I really just wanted to tease you but it's nice to know that you think I'm right," I admitted and she scoffed before hitting me in the chest but started laughing after.

"Well gee thanks for making me all hot and bothered in there," she said and I leaned into her more, pressing our bodies together.

"I'm sorry." I wrapped my arms around her waist and kissed her below her ear. "But I can take care of that for you," I whispered and my hands dropped to her hips and squeezed them lightly. She put her hands on my shoulders and pushed me back a bit before giving me a quick peck on the lips.

"Not while my parents are home." I pouted and she raised an eyebrow. "Yeah, how do you think I feel?"

"Okay, no more teasing, I promise."

"Good…you'll pay for that another time, anyway," she smiled and grabbed my hands in hers and pulled me back into her. "And you will never know when it's going to happen." She kissed my cheek and let me go.

"Is that a threat or a promise?" I asked cheekily and she hit me again. "Ow Jesus; sweet as an angel but still hits like a boxer."

"Shut up… and it was both, by the way."

"Looking forward to it." I pushed her back on the bed and took a seat on her stomach. "Can I be serious for a moment?" I asked and she looked confused.

"Um…okay; serious about what?"

"About us…"

"What about us?"

"_Is_ there an us?" I said slowly and a little nervously. I mean, I know we slept together but we never established anything.

"Do you want there to be?" I didn't even have to think about that. Of course I wanted us to be together. That's what I told her last night.

"Yes," I told her and held her face in my hands.

"Well then…" I leaned down, my lips hovering over hers. This is what I had been waiting for; the moment she was finally mine again.

"Mitchie…will you be my girlfriend?" I asked quietly and she smiled and sat up the rest of the way before pressing her lips onto mine. I felt her smile into the kiss and I had never felt happier. Or at least…I thought I had. When she pulled back she was still smiling but then had a thoughtful look on her face.

"No." I blinked a couple times and stared at her. Did I not hear that correctly or did she just turn me down?

"I'm sorry, did you just say no?" I asked, shocked. She didn't seem to look fazed by any of this though.

"Yeah."

"Are you…are you serious?" She nodded her head and I climbed off of her. I have to admit I was feeling more than discouraged and just when I thought we were on the same page. I think she noticed because she grabbed my hand and kept me in place.

"Go out with me," she said randomly but it sounded more like a demand than a question. Either way I was still extremely confused.

"Didn't I _just_ ask you that?"

"No, I mean…go out with me…on a date." She was looking at me with these hopeful eyes and I once again didn't know what she was thinking. I tilted my head a little.

"A date?"

"Yes, I want to take you out on a date," she said a little more confidently and I raised my eyebrow.

"Do you usually have sex with your dates _before_ you go out with them?" I questioned teasingly and she laughed a little but it was short-lived.

"Alex, you wanted to be serious. I'm being serious." I sat back on the bed next to her and she turned to face me. "Look, I love you. But our relationship suffered a lot last time…because of me. And as much as I don't want to admit it, I know I didn't appreciate you as much as I should have." She had a look of guilt and I didn't want her to feel bad about anything. We might have been broken but I don't regret ever being with her.

"Mitchie, it's okay, you-"

"No it's not. I want to do it right this time. And it helps that I finally got behind the wheel of a car again. So I want to take you out tonight for a change." Although I didn't think it was necessary I was still a little excited, anxious even, and I smiled. I draped an arm over her shoulders and pulled her close.

"Okay then…it's a date." She grinned from cheek to cheek and I placed a sweet kiss on her lips. "So…" I trailed off and shook her shoulders a bit and looked at her with bright eyes. "Where are you taking me?"

"That…" She removed my arm and patted my cheek. "Is a secret." I was normally the one trying to surprise her when I would take her out. It felt weird being the one in this position; weird…but nice. I rolled my eyes and stood up.

"Fine, don't tell me."

"I'll just pick you up after you get out of work," she said and I honestly never thought I would hear her say that again.

"Okay, oh I should actually get going."

"Right now?" She asked and stood up too.

"Yeah, I want to go home first. I didn't exactly tell Brian I was going out and I don't want him to think I ran away again. Plus, I need to shower before work. I don't want to go in smelling worse than Frank," I said half seriously and started putting my shoes on.

"Trust me; you're nowhere near that level."

"Thank God for that. Okay then…" I tied my laces and stood up straight to give her a kiss before I left. "I will see you later tonight. You won't even give me a hint as to what we're doing?"

"Not a chance."

"Well what should I wear?"

"Nothing fancy, now stop asking questions."

"_Fine_, don't tell me," I groaned dramatically. Now I know how she felt every time I would pull something like this on her.

"Have fun at work. I'd walk you out but then I couldn't do this," she said before grabbing my face and kissing me fiercely. I was a little caught off guard and stumbled back a bit, my back hitting the wall, but nevertheless I held her hips and kissed her back. But she pulled away too soon for my liking.

"Holy crap," I breathed out finally. "You could have totally done that at your front door."

"Yeah right; I'd love explaining that to my parents."

"You know, one of these days they're going to find out."

"Does Brian even know about us?"

"There is no _us_, remember?" I teased and moved her aside so I can get my phone.

"Touché; but I'll eventually tell them, I just-"

"Don't worry Mitch, it's not like I'm going to make you do it. If I had any say in it Brian still wouldn't know. I just don't want what happened to me to happen to you; you know, coming out to them before you're ready." That is also why I stopped teasing her during breakfast. I knew that even though she makes fun of me for always thinking her parents are going to walk in on us, she gets nervous too.

"I know…thank you. And all joking aside, I hope you know it's not because I'm ashamed of you." She really doesn't have to explain herself to me. I understand better than anybody.

"I know." I placed my hand behind her head and gave her a quick kiss. "I got to go," I said reluctantly and she pouted.

"Can't you just take another day off?"

"I wish but I don't want to get fired. Call me later?" I asked and she nodded her head. "I'll see you tonight."

"Bye." I was about halfway out her door when I stopped and turned back around.

"I love you." Her smile came back and I was so happy that I could freely tell her that whenever I wanted again.

"I love you too." And I _loved_ hearing her say it back to me. I couldn't wait until after work.

* * *

><p>Turns out Brian just thought I was asleep the whole time I was gone considering it was still kind of early when I snuck back into my bedroom. I kept my door locked throughout the night so no one would come in and <em>check on me<em>. I took a quick shower and got ready after some small talk with Brian and Justin who had apparently stayed over. I was still a little hesitant about him but if he was willing to try then I guess so was I.

I got into work fifteen minutes early and almost the second I punched in I heard Frank. I hadn't seen him in a while because I've been so distant at school and I haven't been here all week. I feel kind of bad for shutting everyone out but this week had been hell for me. Now that this entire mess is over with maybe I can get my life back on track.

"Alex!" he shouted and ran over to me. "You're finally back. Burn with me on my break."

"Really? That's the first thing you say after not seeing me for so long?"

"Yeah, what's your point?"

"Thanks, it's nice to see you again too," I told him while rolling my eyes.

"Well you're definitely in a better mood than you were this past week," he pointed out before handing me a price gun. "Come on, you're unpacking boxes with me."

"Oh, I did not miss this." I shook my head and we started walking to where he was before I came in. There were stacks of boxes all throughout the aisle.

"So where have you been anyway?" he asked as he cut open a couple of new boxes.

"My dad died." His head shot up and he looked taken aback by my statement. "Not my stepdad, my real dad," I corrected thinking that's why he was confused. When I took off from work I only told my manager and asked him not to tell anyone else. At school I was just really quiet, only really talking to Mitchie. She was the only one who knew anyway.

"Oh, I'm sorry." A few days ago I would have laughed at that. I wouldn't have cared because I was actually _happy_ that he was dead. But knowing the truth now it just hurts to think about it.

"Thanks, I'm alright, I just got a lot going on with my family."

"And to think just last week all you were worrying about was telling Mitchie you love her." At that I couldn't help but smile. Even with all the drama with my family there was still that silver lining.

"Yeah, about that…I finally told her."

"What! You did? And what happened?" I swear he can be such a girl sometimes.

"You were right; she still feels the same."

"Told you. So you guys are back together?" he asked and I thought back to earlier this morning. After last night I really didn't expect her to turn me down, and I don't even mean that in a conceited way.

"No."

"What? Why not?"

"I asked her but she said no," I shrugged and started unpacking boxes of tissues and pricing them. "I do have a date with her tonight though." He stared at me curiously and it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable. "What?"

"You look strangely happy for someone who got rejected by the person they love…" I ignored him and placed the priced boxes on the empty spot on the shelf. All of a sudden I heard him gasp really loudly. "You had sex with her!" he practically shouted and my eyes widened before I quickly shushed him.

"Would you shut up, we're in the middle of a store!" I scolded but could not for the life of me understand how he figured it out. "And no we didn't," I tried lying but it was probably useless. He was never going to leave me alone about this.

"Liar!" I didn't even say anything; how the hell could he possibly know that? "So how was it?"

"Shut up, Frank."

"You're dodging the question." I remained quiet but he kept smiling. "You definitely slept with her. Come on, tell me." My goodness, he is so damn persistent. "Tell me," he continued to prod and I huffed in annoyance. "Tell me."

"Okay fine, if it will get you to shut up," I told him and he looked at me expectantly. "Yes, alright? We had sex," I admitted and he pumped his fist in victory at finally getting it out of me.

"Hah I knew it!" he shouted and all of a sudden grabbed me around my knees and lifted me over his shoulder. "My bitch gettin' it in!"

"Put me down!" I _hate_ being lifted like this. I always feel like I'm going to fall over and die. He finally set me down and I slapped him in the face. "You idiot."

"Ow, sorry! So how was it?"

"Why would I tell you anything?"

"Was it good? Did you go down on her? Was it kinky? Mitchie seems like the kind of girl who likes it rough, like she'll hit you or choke or something…like some S&M shit. Oh man, dominatrix Mitchie would be so hot. Did you-"

"Oh my God, you are so fucking weird," I said finally cutting off his incessant nagging. And what the fuck, why would he think she's into S&M? Imbecile. "Yes, no, no, and what the _hell_ is wrong with you?"

"Where are the pics? I thought I told you that I wanted pics."

"You say that every time I'm with someone."

"And you haven't sent me any…"

"Why the fuck would I?" I asked and he just had this dumb smile on his face.

"Sooooooo hot."

"You're unbelievable."

"What? You guys are hot lesbians. Why else do you think I'm friends with you?" he asked and I shook my head.

"You are the most perverted person on the planet. Why would you think I would take pictures _at all_ let alone send them to you…of all people?"

"Oh like you wouldn't want naked pictures of Mitchie." Why would I need pictures when I have the real thing? I wanted to respond with a smartass comment just to shut him up. But I was never one to talk about anyone like that. And it was bad enough I'm even talking about us having sex at all with Frank.

"Oh I'm sorry I love and respect her too much to turn her into porn for you."

"You _suck_." I just stared at him. He was even stupider than I thought he was if he really believed that he could convince me. "Fine! I'll just use my imagination."

"Oh come on, isn't that weird for you? I mean…it's _me_." Well, he _is_ a guy. But seriously, with our friendship I really can't fathom how he could get turned on from me being with somebody.

"Yeah…_you_…you're hot," he said as if it were obvious and I should have just figured that on my own. "And Mitchie's hot. And you're lesbians…who now fuck each other. Ergo…_hot_."

"Alright, enough. God, I can't believe I even told you," I said with a laugh but then turned serious as I thought of something. "Don't tell her I told you."

"Don't worry, I won't," he assured me but I wasn't convinced at all.

"Frank, I'm serious."

"I won't!"

"I just hope you can contain yourself next time you see both of us. The last thing I need is you thinking about it and getting a boner or having that stupid look on your face like…you're thinking about it now, aren't you?" I asked but it was more of an accusation than a question.

"What? No…" he said but my face remained emotionless. "Yeah."

"Great…what have I done?" I said to no one in particular. "Just don't get a boner _now_; we're still at work you know." I waved my box cutter at him in a threatening manner and he raised his hands and stepped back.

"I make no promises."

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I haven't been this nervous in a really long time. And it's weird because Alex used to be my girlfriend. It's not like she's some new person I'm trying to impress. But I do want tonight to go perfectly because this time _has_ to be different. I'm not going to make the same mistakes I made last time. And I'm not only referring to the Zach incident.

But of course, when I want everything to go right, some higher, more powerful being decides to just completely shit on my life. The weather cleared throughout the afternoon but came back full force around 6:30 in the evening. The storm may even be worse than it was last night. My dad even called and told me that my grandma was forcing him and my mom to stay there again because it's too dangerous to drive. The roads were flooding and being closed off and we might even get a power outage.

Mother Nature, you annoying fucking cunt.

Luckily I can think on my feet and _thankfully_ my parents are gone so I have the house to myself again. Ever since I found out that my plans fell through I have been trying to figure out how to make plans all over again. This had to be perfect. Looking back on our past relationship, I could just cringe at how much I took her for granted.

Of course that was probably what Alex was talking about when she rejected me back in April after I told her that I loved her too. She was always worried that something would go wrong. But I bet she didn't think what actually happened was going to happen. But even besides that so many things were just off with us. As much as I loved her and wanted to be with her she was right. We probably should have waited until I was better.

After trying to get the night back on track I decided to try and call Alex. She usually can't pick up the phone while she's working but I might as well give it a shot. I waited for her to answer and stared out the window. The rain was coming down even harder. It rang once more before I finally heard her voice on the other end.

"Hey Mitch, I was just about to call you," she said and I could hear loud music in the background. "Hang on…Frank, lower it; I'm on the phone."

"Where are you?"

"I'm on my way home. Frank's driving me."

"I thought you didn't get out for another hour."

"John closed early because of the weather. It was pretty dead anyway so he figured no one would bother going out in the storm. We're pulling up to my house now."

"Oh, okay."

"Look Mitch, I'm sorry but I really don't think we're going to be able to go out anywhere tonight. It looks like we're driving through a waterfall right now; we can barely see the road."

"No I know, that's actually why I was calling you. My house is empty again because my parents can't drive back tonight. So I was thinking maybe you could just come over and we could hang out, you know, just have our date here."

"Yeah, that sounds good. I'm just going to change real quick then I'll be right over."

"Alright, and you could just come in sweatpants for all I care. I just want to be with you; that's all that matters," I told her and heard her laugh a little on the other end.

"Okay, I'll be there in a bit. Give me like, twenty minutes."

"Okay, I'll see you soon. And come through the front door this time. I promise I'll hear and let you in." She laughed again and I noticed that the background noise stopped.

"I will. I'm heading upstairs right now. And I'll actually tell Brian I'm leaving this time."

"You might as well tell him you're sleeping over while you're at it…"

"Oh I am, am I?"

"I mean…if you want to…"

"Mitch, of course I want to. Don't be ridiculous."

"Alright, alright, just checking. I have to go but I can't wait to see you."

"Can't wait to see you either. Bye, Mitch. I love you."

"I love you too."

I hung up and sighed as I ran my hand over my face. I just hope that tonight goes as well as I had planned. After last night I wanted everything to go perfectly. I couldn't even believe that it actually happened. But when I woke up this morning and saw Alex next to me it just felt so…right. And I knew it was supposed to be her all along.

It was indescribable really, waking up with her. All of my nerves and apprehension just washed away because of her. I didn't wake up feeling regret…or disgust…like last time. I didn't wake up in pain either. Alex made me feel…incredible. She was so sweet and caring and didn't make me feel insecure or uncomfortable at all. But then again she always made me feel beautiful.

Around twenty five to thirty minutes later I heard my doorbell go off. Everything had been set up beforehand so thank God Alex came a little later than she said she would. I tried to calm my nerves long enough to buzz her in and I knew I only had half a minute to get it together before she made it up the stairs. I took a couple deep breaths and there was a knock at the door. I opened it and she stood there smiling shyly.

"Hey," she said as I continued to stare at her. She was in dark blue, ripped skinny jeans tucked into her brown leather lace up boots. Her shirt had thick red and white stripes and she had a white hoodie under her worn out leather jacket. Even in simple clothes and little to no makeup she is still so damn pretty.

"Hey," I finally breathed out when I realized she had said something. I had my hand behind my back as she stepped in.

"Sorry I'm a little late."

"It's fine, don't worry about it." Once I closed the door I kissed her cheek before bringing my hand out to reveal a dozen roses varying in color.

"Oh my God, Mitch, you didn't have to get me anything." A wide smile broke out across her face and I could only imagine mine was just about the same.

"I know but I wanted to. And I know you think flowers are cliché but I couldn't help myself."

"I usually do but these are beautiful…nowhere near as beautiful as you are of course," she added smoothly, throwing a wink my way and most likely making me blush. "But I've never seen roses like this."

"I know; different colored roses mean different things. And I thought you would like these the most." She looked at them curiously, her smile still in place. "There's red, obviously because it represents love. The pink ones show appreciation. The yellow is for happiness. All of which I feel when I'm with you."

"What about the pink, kind of orange ones?" I had known most of the meanings already but I had asked the man at the flower shop when I noticed some I have never even seen before.

"Passion or desire," I told her and this time she was the one who blushed.

"Oh what are these?" she asked in wonder as she pointed to a few roses that were yellow that faded into red at the tips. Those were my favorite ones. They were another I hadn't known about until I saw them. They were beautiful and after learning their meaning I had to get them.

"Those…um, they symbolize friendship…with the promise of something more."

"Really?" I nodded my head and gently took her hand in mine.

"That…and love at first sight." At that she raised her eyebrow.

"So you fell in love with me the second you laid eyes on me?" I had thought about this a lot ever since she first confessed her feelings for me. I never actually believed in that concept. I can't imagine how you could have such strong and unconditional feelings for anyone without knowing them.

"Something like that." She still looked a little confused. "I never thought about you in a romantic way before. But looking back on our five years of friendship I think there was always something there the whole time. I felt something but I just didn't realize what that was until earlier this year. But I always loved you, Alex. When I first met you we were just kids in middle school but I had never felt so drawn to anybody in my life. Deep down I really believe I had been in love with you all along," I confessed to her and she stared at me in awe. I had never gone in depth in telling her how much she means to me and it was probably what broke us before we even knew we were broken.

"I can't believe I ever thought I could live without you. You really are the best thing that has ever happened to me, Mitch, you know that, right?" she asked as she held my hand a little tighter. I leaned in and kissed her lips softly. When I pulled back she smiled once again. Her eyes were bright in my dimly lit living room.

"I love you…so much."

"I love you too."

"Come on, since I couldn't take you out to dinner, I made it myself," I said as I led her to the table I had set up for the two of us. Candles were the main source of light but I had also left on the lights above the island in my kitchen.

"Really? I can't even remember the last time you cooked."

"It's been a while. I don't know…I've just been lazy. But tonight I wanted to make some of your favorites." I pulled her chair out for her as she took off her jacket. She looked down at the plate set out in front of her and soft laugh fell from her lips.

"Oh Mitch you know me so well." If there was one thing this girl loved it was Mexican food…or anything spicy and drowning in hot sauce and cheese. I'm a fan of spice too but nowhere near as much as she is. If I were to eat anything off of her plate my mouth would catch fire. "Thank you."

"Anything for you," I told her and she took a bite, a look of pure bliss on her face. I chuckled lowly. "How is it?"

"I think I just came," she stated bluntly and I laughed even louder. "Lord Jesus you are wonderful."

"Well it's a good thing I left the hot sauce on the table." She smiled closed lipped with her mouth full and I shook my head at her. We continued to eat with casual conversation thrown in. We were just enjoying each other; this was the first legitimate date we've been on in _months_ and I was loving every minute of it. I know I told her no this morning when she asked me to be her girlfriend again but I just couldn't say yes. Not yet.

Last time we just jumped right into it…after arguing for a good week or so. And she was usually the one to take me out. I just wanted to do the same for her for a change. Every now and then I would compliment her or make her blush and it made me absolutely elated to know that I have this effect on her. She was always saying and doing things, making me feel like I was on top of the world. I wanted her to know that she deserves the same.

We finished eating but remained at the table just talking and an idea struck me. I know Alex and she'll be hesitant at first, for sure. But she eyed me curiously as I dug through my pocket and retrieved my cell phone. I scrolled through for a moment and looked up at her and her confused face. I smiled at her and told her to wait one second before I stood up and went straight into my bedroom. I came back with my iPod speakers and connected my phone to it.

"What are you doing?" she asked with her head tilted a little bit and I opened my iTunes music library and hovered over a song; a song I felt was more than perfect to describe how I feel about her.

"Dance with me." I hit play and held out my hand to her. The soft beat of the intro to _By Your Side_ by Sade began playing, one of her favorites, and filled the air in the house. She smiled shyly but remained seated, now looking down. "What?"

"You know I can't dance." I took her hand regardless and pulled her up to stand with me. I intertwined our fingers and placed her other hand atop my shoulder before snaking mine around her waist.

"Yes you can. We've danced before, remember? Back in middle school when I saved you from Nick Powers and his weird long skater hair when he wanted to dance with you." She laughed at the memory and loosened up a little.

"Yeah but that doesn't mean I'm good at it. With my luck I'll just trip and die." I ignored her hesitance and slowly started moving us both to the beat just as the lyrics started.

_You think I'd leave your side, baby?  
><em>_You know me better than that_

_You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees?  
><em>_I wouldn't do that_

_I'll tell you you're right when you want  
><em>_And if only you could see into me_

"You know, I don't get how you're still embarrassed. I have seen you walk into doors, fall _up_ the stairs, trip over absolutely nothing, and, recently, almost drown in the ocean. And what did all those times have in common?" I asked and she thought for about two seconds before she smiled again.

"You caught me."

_Oh, when you're cold, I'll be there, hold you tight to me_

"Exactly. I'm not going to let you fall…and die. I've got you, Alex. Always."

_When you're on the outside, baby, and you can't get in  
><em>_I will show you you're so much better than you know_

She relaxed in my hold a bit more as she followed my lead. I moved carefully all while never taking my eyes off of her. And I couldn't help but smile at how perfectly her hand seemed to fit in mine.

_When you're lost and you're alone and you can't get back again  
><em>_I will find you, darling, and I will bring you home_

_And if you want to cry, I am here to dry your eyes  
><em>_And in no time, you'll be fine_

Our slight swaying motion halted when she accidentally stepped on my foot, which hurt only because she was in boots while I was in socks. But I didn't let that show. She mumbled an adorably self-conscious apology to which I just smiled and pulled her in closer to me.

_You think I'd leave your side, baby?  
><em>_You know me better than that_

_You think I'd leave you down when you're down on your knees?  
><em>_I wouldn't do that_

"You know, you're a lot better at this than you think you are," I told her and she just shook her head.

"This is all you. I'm just trying to keep up. I told you I can't dance."

_I'll tell you you're right when you want  
><em>_And if only you could see into me_

"But you're smiling. And as long as you're happy then nothing else really matters. I've been selfish in the past. I love you more than anything and this time I'm not going to go a single day without reminding you of just how much you mean to me."

_Oh, when you're cold, I'll be there, hold you tight to me_

"When did you get so perfect?" she asked and I tilted our joined hands towards me and glanced at the watch on my wrist.

"Um…about three o'clock this afternoon," I joked, earning a laugh from her. She leaned into me more and I took the opportunity to place a kiss on her cheek.

_Oh, when you're low, I'll be there by your side  
><em>_By your side, baby_

"Stop hiding your face, Alex; you're adorable when you blush."

"I can't stop. You're being so sweet to me."

"Yeah well don't get used to it," I said sarcastically and she scoffed, pretending to pull away from me. But I held onto her and kept her in my arm. "Babe, I'm kidding." She looked at me weirdly for a second but her expression was mixed with a smile and I couldn't tell what she was thinking. "What?"

_Oh, when you're cold, I'll be there, hold you tight to me_

"You just called me babe," she said and I still couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Oh, um…I'm…sorry?" I didn't exactly know how else to respond to that.

"No, no, it's just…you've never called me that before." There was a certain light in her eyes that I've never seen before. And I realized that she was right. During our relationship she had always come up with pet names for me ranging from cute to generic to just ridiculous but I loved them all. And I honestly cannot recall a time where I called her anything but her name.

_Oh, when you're low, I'll be there by your side, baby_

"Well things are different now," I told her as the final lyrics of the song ended and I dropped her hand that I was holding. I held her face and pulled her into me to bring our lips together. She wound her arms around my waist and all of a sudden the little lights I had on went out. A candle or two were still lit and the beat of the ending of the song still continued to play since the speakers weren't plugged into the wall. We paused for a second. "Great."

"I don't know, the candles in the dark are kind of romantic."

"Good, that's what I was going for," I said with a wink and she smiled.

"You're too good to me."

"I just want to treat you the way you deserve to be treated. You deserve everything in the world, Alex," I told her honestly and she let me go and wrapped her arms around my neck instead and I held her tightly in the embrace. Her head was on my shoulder and I soon felt a warm dampness on my skin. "Are you crying?"

"Yes," she actually admitted and I could hear it in her voice. I breathed out a laugh and so did she.

"Why? You're too beautiful to cry."

"Because…I'm just…so happy. You're really are so amazing, Mitch."

"Well…I try." I pulled back and used my thumb to wipe the tear trailing down her face. Once it was gone I kissed the spot where it just was. "And like I said, I'd do anything for you." She hugged me once again and I heard her sigh against my neck. It sent the most wonderful shivers throughout my body and I felt my heart beat speeding up just from being so close to her.

"I love you, Mitchie."

"I love you too, Alex." It's like this weight has been on my chest for the past five to six months. And it was hard to even breathe without her. I had never needed anyone like I needed her. She is my best friend and without her I am honestly nothing. We are miserable when we're apart. And I never want either of us to feel like that ever again. I leaned in closer to her ear, my lips just barely ghosting over it. "Be my girlfriend again." It was a quiet request, a whispered plea. Because I know I cannot go another day without being able to call her mine. She let me go and her smile made me go weak in the knees. It always did.

"I'm yours," she said before closing the gap between us and kissing me passionately. For the first time, we didn't argue or try to find some redundant and convoluted reason as to why we shouldn't be together. We both wanted this more anything. And more importantly, we were both ready for this. We had our time apart to grow up separately and figure out what we wanted. And even after all that, we still came back to each other. We always find our way back to each other.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Hard To Concentrate by Red Hot Chili Peppers**


	28. My Stupid Mouth

**A/N 1: I'm eternally sorry for my long absence but I've been busy and I've been dealing with personal things and then there is just pure laziness on my part. So I apologize for the long wait.**

**And I apologize for this chapter. I don't particularly like it all that much and I don't think it's my best but I wanted to get something posted so I finished this tonight for you guys.**

**Thank you for the reviews I'm glad you guys liked the last one. Hopefully the next won't take as long as this one did. Once again, sorry for the quality.**

**But...review anyway? Okay.**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>28. My Stupid Mouth<p>

_One more thing, why is it my fault?  
><em>_So maybe I try too hard  
><em>_But it's all because of this desire  
><em>_Just wanna be liked, just wanna be funny  
><em>_Looks like the joke's on me_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I made my way into the cafeteria after all of my morning classes and spotted Alex immediately. She was sitting at our usual table again with Frank and Eric. All of last week we didn't sit with them because Alex didn't want to deal with other people after hearing her dad died. I was glad she was getting back on track with everything. I took a seat next to her and greeted her with a kiss on the cheek.

"Hey, I was wondering where you were," she said as she pushed her tray in between the two of us. "They had onion rings today so I got them for you."

"Ooh my favorite." I picked one up and bit into it. "Thank you. And I stayed after class because I missed a quiz on Friday and I didn't want to take it after school. Why? You miss me already?" I asked playfully and she grinned but before she could respond Eric spoke up.

"Ew…so you two really are back together," he stated and sighed loudly. "Damn it." We both turned and looked at him weirdly.

"Um…we're sorry?" I offered and he dug his hand into his back pocket and retrieved his wallet.

"Yeah yeah, whatever…congrats," he said bitterly. He took out a twenty dollar bill and handed it to Frank. "I'm never making a bet with you again."

"You bet on us?" I asked and leaned over to smack his arm.

"Ow I'm sorry but Alex was all…depressed last week I didn't think you guys would get back together _now_. And I wanted twenty bucks."

"Frank you jackass, you _knew_ we were going to get back together," Alex said and we all looked at her.

"What!" Eric asked loudly, probably just wanting his money back.

"Yeah, I told him I was going to do it."

"You stupid fuck I want my twenty dollars back!" he yelled and punched Frank in his shoulder.

"Aw come on Alex you couldn't keep your mouth shut?" he whined before relinquishing the money. "I won that fair and square."

"No you didn't," I pointed out without looking up, still picking at the food on the tray.

"Hey…fuck off, Mitch."

"Bite me."

"Don't be mad just because I got Alex in bed before you did." I stopped eating with half an onion ring still in my mouth and I finally looked back up. And so did everyone else. We all stared at Frank with the same expression.

"Excuse me?" I said, not only to him but to Alex too. "What the hell are you talking about?"

"Yeah, what the hell are you talking about?" Alex also said, sharing my confusion.

"That night we slept together."

"We slept _next to each other_."

"Naked?" Eric asked and I suddenly felt extremely awkward.

"What? Ew, no," Alex quickly answered with a slight grimace.

"No…we weren't naked…we had our socks on."

"Frank…shut up."

"Oh come on, no one here knows how to take a joke?" Everyone just stared at him not saying anything. "Fine."

"Wait…so…you didn't sleep together?" Eric asked them, not fully understanding what was going on.

"No. I slept over his house a lot during the summer but I'd always sleep on the floor in his room. But he has so many fucking cats my allergies were out of control one night so we slept in the same bed."

"Don't you have a twin bed?"

"Yes…he does. I don't know how we fit but I couldn't take another night of waking up at 3AM to his obese cat's ass in my face."

"Hey! Leave Mrs. Butterworth out of this!" Frank yelled and Eric and I could stop ourselves from laughing.

"Your cat's name is Mrs. Butterworth?" I asked and he shot a glare at me. Apparently he takes his cats very seriously.

"The point of the story is Alex wanted my dick that night. She was all over me."

"You wish. I wouldn't have even slept in your bed if I'd have known I was going to wake up with you pressed up against me with your boner digging into my leg," she explained and Eric and I just looked between the two of them weirdly. Alex casually leaned against me and slipped her arm around my waist. But I was so confused.

"What the hell?" Eric asked and Frank just shook his head.

"It's a long story."

"Actually it's kind of…short…" she trailed off and it was silent for a brief moment. But the silence was broken when Eric all of a sudden started cracking up loudly. It took me another second or so to get it and I soon joined him all while Frank looked like he wanted to slap Alex. But she was just smiling trying not to laugh too.

"Fuck you guys."

"Oh calm down don't be such a baby. Besides, she probably just felt you up in her sleep thinking you were Mitchie," Eric proposed and I stared at him before turning to look at Frank.

"Was that an insult to me or you?"

"I don't know; either you have the body of a skinny boy or I have a really girly frame…and tits. I think it's an insult to both of us."

"You're all retarded," Alex said while still looking down at her tray. She looked back up and saw me looking at her with my eyebrow raised. "Except for you, baby," she corrected herself and held me a little tighter before leaning in and kissing my lips quickly.

"_Gay_," Frank and Eric said in unison when we pulled apart. Alex shook her head and threw her fork at the two of them.

"God I can't wait until Thanksgiving break so I can get away from you people," she joked and I was a bit surprised. She usually hates holidays because of how _family-oriented_ they are. But I guess now that she was okay with her family she could finally enjoy it for once.

"I can…I get to spend the whole day with my extended family at my grandparents' house." I don't mind spending time with my family; it's just when I have to see _all_ my relatives it can be…well, a bit much to say the least. I've never had problems with them like Alex has with her family but I had my fair share of issues as well.

"So just come over my house instead," she suggested.

"I can't. My mom will lose her shit if I didn't show up." And then I would have to deal with the constant nagging from not only her but from my grandmother as well.

"Well I'll be working like a fucking slave that day," Frank said as he bit into his pizza slice.

"You guys are open on Thanksgiving?"

"Yeah so dumb bitches can do their last minute shopping…the perks of working at a store that sells _everything_," he said sarcastically. "But we close at like three in the afternoon so it's not that bad."

"Wait, am I working that day?" Alex asked, now confused all of a sudden.

"I think so. It's only me, Chris, Kelly, and John is closing. So you probably have to come in." She groaned and let her head hit the table in annoyance. The warning bell rang signaling that there was ten minutes until the next period and Frank and Eric got up but Alex and I stayed at the table. And then a thought crossed my mind.

"What ever happened with Kelly?" I asked curiously. I hadn't thought of the blonde until she was mentioned just now. I knew she and Alex have hooked up but I didn't know what was going on with that situation and I felt a little awkward talking about it.

"What do you mean?" I scooted over a bit, pulling away from her.

"I don't know, weren't you like…with her…or whatever?"

"Oh, no that's over," she answered nonchalantly.

"Really?"

"Yeah. I mean, I told you we were never legitimately together but I didn't want…that…to still be going on."

"Why?"

"Because…I never really liked her, not like that. She's cool and a really good friend but I could never really feel anything for her, not like what I feel for you." At that I had to smile even though I hated hearing about her being with someone else. It wasn't that bad though because I liked Kelly and I thought if Alex really did want to move on completely then she would be good for her. "So I…broke up with her, if you can really call it that, yesterday."

"You were with me yesterday…"

"Yeah I know, I meant at work. I was going to do it whether we got back together or not. It was starting to feel too forced and I didn't want us to start getting sick of each other. But then we did get back together…well, not entirely but…yeah. And this time I wanted to be your girlfriend with_out_ having any ties to someone else. I'm not making that mistake twice."

"How'd that go?"

"Really well, actually. Granted, she is nothing like Nate and I wasn't afraid of getting any of my bones broken. But I told her that whatever it was that we were needed to end because I am in love with someone else."

"Oh you are?"

"Yeah, and I kind of want to see her before the bell rings so I'm going to head out, later Mitch," she said as she stood up to walk away from me but I held her hand before she could leave.

"Whoa, whoa get your ass back here." I tugged her towards me and she fell onto my lap. "Now, who do you love?"

"Don't worry about it, you don't know her." The cafeteria was clearing out except for some people who had a free period next and didn't bother going anywhere. But I only kept my attention on her. She looked at me a while longer before smiling and pressing her lips onto mine once again, the kiss lasting a little longer than last time. And I sure wasn't complaining.

"Yeah that's what I thought."

"Well aren't you sassy today."

"No, I'm just happy that you're finally my girlfriend. I didn't think this would happen again," I admitted and rested my head against her shoulder.

"Well I knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from you forever." I turned slightly and placed a kiss on her cheek. "Now let's go before the bell rings, I don't want to get stuck in detention today," she said and got off of me, holding her hand out for me to take. I let her pull me up with her and we walked out hand in hand to our calculus class.

* * *

><p>The next few days passed normally for the two of us. We had some people here and there who gave us weird looks but I didn't get why anyone cared that we got back together. But nothing major happened and for that I was extremely thankful. I heard a couple of stupid comments but they were mostly from Brooke. But I didn't care. I had Alex. Nothing else even mattered.<p>

Today was Thursday, the start of our break. It was also Thanksgiving and Alex was stuck working all morning. She had spent a majority of the day so far texting me about how miserable she is because apparently it's really busy over there. I wanted to see her but I knew that I was stuck with my own family today. I would rather just stay home and do nothing to be honest.

"Honey, are you getting ready?" I heard my mom ask through my closed door. Even though it was still only two in the afternoon my parents and I needed to go to my grandma's house early to help with the cooking and setting everything up. "Can I come in?" she said after I didn't answer her. I sighed and opened the door for her. "Mitchie, you're not dressed yet?"

"What? I'm just going to change into a nicer top." I was wearing my nice skinny jeans; dark blue, not worn out and no tears. I was also wearing a plain navy t-shirt for the time being but I had shirts formal enough for special occasions.

"I thought you were going to wear that dress you got a couple months ago."

"I don't want to wear it."

"But you look so nice in it." I know she means well but I don't want to go through this right now…or ever.

"Mom, please, just don't…not today."

"I'm not doing anything. I just want us to have a nice day as a family."

"And I don't even want to go. Why can't I just skip it this year? No one will even notice that I'm not there."

"Of course they will. Mitchie, there's not going to be any discussion over this. You're going." Before I could argue even further my dad walked in, interrupting us.

"What's going on?" he asked looking in between me and my mom.

"Nothing, Mitchie was just telling me how she doesn't want to join us for Thanksgiving today."

"Yeah, I know."

"Oh really now?"

"Connie, you know how your mother is."

"So what she's just going to skip it? What's next? Is she not going to come to any family event?"

"I'm still standing right here," I pointed out to them with my arms crossed over my chest. "This is my room, you know."

"She is always there for holidays or birthdays or anything else." I was glad at least my dad was defending me instead of having them both gang up on me.

"All I said was that I think she should wear that red dress of hers."

"What's wrong with what she's wearing?"

"I was just giving my opinion."

"I didn't ask you for it," I mumbled but they both heard and my mother glared at me.

"Can you just behave today?"

"Mom, you're acting as if I'm some problem child. It's just Thanksgiving; who gives a fuck if I'm not there or if I'm jeans or a dress? You're forcing me to go so can't you at least let me wear what I want?" I asked angrily but it only pissed my mom off more.

"First of all, watch your language. Second of all, you're going and that's that." My dad could definitely tell that this conversation was going absolutely nowhere and that it would soon escalate if he didn't step in and say something.

"Alright, enough. Mitchie, I know you don't want to come but it's a holiday and you haven't seen anyone since last year because you missed Easter."

"I said I would go to that but Mom didn't think I was _stable enough_ at the time."

"You weren't," she said, trying to defend herself. "You would have a nervous breakdown every time someone would ask you how you were and you kept having those nightmares."

"Nightmares happen when you sleep…obviously I wasn't going to be asleep."

"Guys, stop it," my dad warned. "Mitch, wear whatever you want. I just want you to be there."

"Fine," I said, finally giving up on the subject. I obviously had no choice. My mom thanked me and left but it was clear as day that she was still pissed. My dad stayed in my room and closed the door once she was gone.

"How's driving going for you?" When I told him I started driving again he was shocked. He didn't even believe me at first. But I didn't know why he was asking me this now.

"Um…it's fine I guess, still a little nerve-wracking but I manage."

"Why don't you take your car tonight and your mother and I will take mine."

"Why?"

"I don't want you to feel uncomfortable today and if you feel like you can't be there anymore then you can leave."

"Really?"

"Yes but at last stay for a few hours."

"But won't Mom be mad at me?"

"I'll talk to her, don't worry. And you know she's just looking out for you, right? She's not doing this just to annoy you." I sighed and ran my hand through my hair.

"I know but I feel like she is smothering me with all of this."

"Let's just try to get through this day without any more arguments, okay?"

"Alright." He came up to me and kissed my forehead.

"Thank you; now finish getting ready because we're going to leave soon." And with that he left me alone in my bedroom. I held back a groan of annoyance as I changed out of my t-shirt and into something nicer. After another fifteen minutes I was completely dressed and ready to go.

My mom wasn't thrilled at all about me taking my own car because she thinks I'm going to leave the second I get there which, in all honesty, is what I wanted to do. Alex kept texting me asking if there was any way I could convince my parents to let me go to her house instead but I told her that there was no chance, but perhaps later on in the evening. I just had to get through seeing my entire family first.

The drive into Long Island wasn't bad for me. I thought there would be more traffic considering it's a holiday but it didn't take long to make it to my grandma's house. I made it there the same time my parents did and I could see that my mom was _still_ unhappy about the situation. But honestly, no one was unhappier than I was. My stomach twisted into knots as we rang the doorbell and waited to be greeted by my aunt. She noticed me immediately.

"Oh Mitchie, I haven't seen you since Christmas!" she exclaimed excitedly and pulled me in for a hug despite the fact that I was holding random trays in my hands. I hugged back to the best of my abilities and put a smile on. I've always liked my aunt. She wasn't the one I had to worry about though.

"Hi Aunt Cathy, and I know it's been a while. I was just going through something in the beginning of the year and-"

"Don't worry about it, sweetie. We all heard about what happened and we're so glad you're doing better. We just missed you."

"I missed you too." Well…it wasn't a complete lie. She was about to say something else but a voice coming from inside tore our attention away from each other.

"Catherine, who was at the door?" I refrained from letting my face drop because I would know that voice anywhere. Without giving her enough time to answer, my grandmother appeared behind my aunt. "Connie, Steven I thought you two were never going to get here. Oh look, Michelle is here too," she said once she spotted me.

"Hi Grandma," I greeted her in the most polite voice I could muster.

"What ever have we done to finally be graced with your presence?" she said half-jokingly and I wanted to roll my eyes. It appears this was starting earlier than I had anticipated. I guess being hit by a car doesn't qualify as a good enough excuse for not being here last holiday.

"Um, Mitchie, why don't you come help me in the kitchen?" my aunt asked, saving me from saying something I would later regret. I simply nodded and followed her inside the house, leaving my grandma with my mom and dad.

"Thank you," I said once we made it into the kitchen and I set the trays down on the counter.

"I have a feeling she's going to be doing that all night." This time I did roll my eyes. _Great_.

"Fantastic; this ought to be fun."

"Just ignore her."

"That's just going to cause more problems. Did you see the way she looked at me without me even saying anything?"

"I'm sure your dad is getting an earful too right about now. She probably thinks he didn't comb his hair properly or something," she said and I laughed despite how sadly accurate that was. It's not that my grandma doesn't like my dad; she just always tends to focus on negatives rather than giving him a compliment or, god forbid, praise. The same apparently goes for me it seems.

"Is Jen coming today?" Although she was in her late twenties, Jen was one of the few people that I could hang out with during these family get-togethers who didn't drive me up the wall.

"She is at her boyfriend's parents' house right now but she they are going to come by later tonight."

"Mitchie!" I heard someone shout my name from the other side of the kitchen and I looked over to see another one of my aunts coming up to us. "I didn't know you were coming today."

"I don't think anyone did," I responded meekly and she pulled me in for a hug.

"What's been going on, how are you?" Since the last time I saw any of them I got into an accident, developed an anxiety disorder, discovered that I'm gay and was in love with my best friend, and then there was that whole six month mess that we were in leading up to right now. I had no intentions of telling them any of that though. So I settled on a much simpler answer.

"I'm good."

"How is school going, did you apply to any colleges yet?"

"Yeah, I did a few early applications but they're not really due until December."

"That's good. I'm sure you're going to get in anywhere."

"Thanks, I hope so." The question I dreaded was coming, I could feel it. I just knew it was just a matter of time until…

"So, do you have a boyfriend?" There it was. That question came a lot sooner than last time.

"No," I said, trying not to sound as awkward as I felt.

"Why not?" my grandma asked, now joining us in the kitchen and I wanted to bolt for the nearest exit.

"I just don't." I didn't want to push the subject any further but knowing my family they were going to keep talking about it. And I had a horrible feeling they were going to take this conversation in the worst direction possible.

"Well what happened to that boy you are always with? What was his name?" she asked like she didn't know. I sighed.

"Zach." I didn't even like saying his name anymore. I don't talk to him anymore and I don't want to talk about him anymore.

"Yes, him. He was such a nice boy." Yeah…_was_.

"Whatever happened with him? I always thought you two would end up together," my aunt said.

"I don't hang out with him anymore," I said but they ignored me and kept talking about it with each other.

"She would always be with him when she was younger. Everyone called him Mitchie's little boyfriend."

"We're not friends anymore," I tried saying again and my grandma looked at me finally.

"He was a fine young boy, Michelle. You need someone like that. And I'm sure you could find a boy if you tried a little harder. Oh, the Millers from down the street have a son around your age-" I stopped her before she could continue with her thought.

"Grandma, I don't need you to set me up with someone. I don't _want_ a boyfriend." Because I have a girlfriend.

"He's very handsome and so polite. He always accompanies his parents to Sunday mass at the church," she went on despite my protests. I tried to just ignore her and continue helping my aunt with the food. "Michelle?

"Yeah?"

"Did you hear what I said?"

"Yes."

"And?"

"No," I said and hopefully we could leave it at that.

"No?"

"Grandma, you do this every time I see you."

"Well you hardly ever see me so I don't see how this is a problem…"

"Of course you wouldn't," I said under my breath as I walked over to the fridge to take out a plate of food to set on the table of various appetizers.

"Excuse me?"

"Nothing; where do you want this?" I asked, trying to change the subject. She pointed to the end of the counter and I set the plate down and left the kitchen as quickly as I could. I didn't want her to start asking me relationship questions again. I went into the living room and said a quick hello to my other aunts and uncles. I walked over and took a seat next to my dad at a table that was set up.

"Hey Mitch."

"Hi," I said with less enthusiasm than I intended.

"What's wrong? Did something happen already?"

"Grandma and everyone were just bugging me about Zach."

"Is something going on between you two?" he asked and right away I shook my head. "Not like that. I meant…I never see you two hanging out anymore and he never mentions you at work when I see him."

"I'm just not friends with him anymore." At that he grew concerned and he turned in his chair to face me fully.

"What happened?"

"Nothing, I just thought that I could trust him and it turns out I can't."

"Did he hurt you?" I contemplated answering that truthfully but then I would have to explain myself. But would coming out to my dad really be the worst thing? I know he will love me no matter what and he is always protecting me but something is always stopping me.

"Um…define _hurt_." His worried expression turned a little angrier and I regretted saying anything at all.

"Mitchie, if he did something I want you to tell me."

"It's nothing, Dad. Just forget it," I pleaded with him but he looked uncertain. "Please?" He sighed and sat back in his seat.

"Fine, but you can talk to me about it if you ever need to, okay?" I nodded my head and he handed me a can of soda. "Come on, let's watch the game while everyone else does all the work," he suggested and I laughed but followed him to the couch nonetheless. My uncle Dave and my cousin Anthony were already there intently focused on the television. I sat next to my cousin.

"Whoa Mitch you're here today!" I had a feeling I was going to get this reaction from everybody here.

"Yeah I know, I'm shocked too."

"Beer?"

"No thanks, I'm going to be driving later."

"Aw come on, that's not how I trained you," he joked and I shoved his arm. When we were younger he would always be the one to give me alcohol. The first time I ever got drunk was right here at my grandma's house on New Year's Eve. My cousins and I were in the basement hanging out, away from all of the adults, and he and my other cousin Jen kept offering me wine and beer and anything else they could get their hands on downstairs. I got absolutely shitfaced. I also puked my brains out that night.

"Shut up." He laughed and sipped form his own can.

"So you really interested in the Packers game or are you just trying to get out of doing work like we are?"

"A little of both." He laughed again and held out his fist for me to bump knuckles with him.

"Right on." We watched the game for a couple of hours until people started getting up to get food. All of the appetizers were set out on the table in the kitchen for people to put on their plates. Anthony stood from the couch and set his beer can on the coffee table. "You coming?"

"What? Oh, uh, yeah." I didn't want to go into the kitchen for more reasons than one. I didn't want to run into my grandmother again but most of all I just didn't think I could handle being in there. When I walked in I was sure of it. I hadn't seen this much food in one place in such a long time and it nauseated me to no end; salads, pasta salads, shrimp, random cheese and crackers, baked clams, stuffed peppers. It was overwhelming. We walked around picking at random things and putting it on a plate to take back inside.

"That's all you're getting?" Anthony asked me as we headed back inside to the table in the living room.

"What? There's going to be a shit ton of food later for dinner," I lied as I glanced at his plate that was practically overflowing with food. I looked at my own plate that had hardly anything on it.

"Well that's not going to stop me. I wait all year for food this good." A couple of my other cousins and joined us at the table when out of nowhere my phone vibrated in my pocket. I took it out and looked at the lit up screen and smiled.

_Text Message From: Alex  
><em>_You okay over there so far?_

She knew me so well and I hadn't even been here that long. And even though I had made a lot of progress over the months she knows that I still struggle every now and then. And I loved how much she cared to see how I was holding up with everything today.

**_I'm alright but I wish I was with you instead :(_**

_Alex: I know. I wish you were here too. Just leave. Brian said for you to come over too. It's just going to be me him, Max, and Justin._

**_I'll try. Trust me I don't want to be here at all._**

_Alex: I'm sorry babe. Call me if you need me for anything._

**_I will. I love you._**

_Alex: I love you too_

I put my phone back in my pocket and refocused my attention on my untouched plate. My stomach turned and I wanted to get away from it all. I decided to join in on the conversation as I pushed the food around so that no one would pay attention to it. After a while I noticed my drink was done and I took the opportunity to finally leave the table. I stood from my chair and decided to be polite.

"I'm going in the kitchen, does anyone want anything?" Anthony immediately handed me his empty plate. I swear he inhales his food like a vacuum cleaner.

"Yes, get me more clams if there's any left."

"How many do you want?"

"All of them," he said and I knew he was being serious. "And another beer please!" I shook my head and took his plate and he thanked me as I went back inside. There was almost no one in the kitchen anymore since everyone migrated into the dining room. I opened the fridge and grabbed a can of diet Coke before going over to the food set out. There were around ten clams left over so I started putting them on Anthony's plate.

"For goodness sake Michelle, don't you think that's enough?" I gripped the edge of the plate in my hand until my knuckles turned white.

"It's not mine; it's for Anthony," I told her as I refrained from gritting my teeth and she looked me up and down.

"Good, you don't need seconds." Well having seconds would require having firsts…

"I'm going back inside," I said not wanting to deal with her.

"What's the rush, Michelle? I didn't think you would want to get away from me _that_ badly," she mused out loud. I _hated_ when she would do that. It was like she was just trying to make me feel guilty all the time. Of course, in reality I _did_ want to get away from her. But only because she keeps pulling this crap.

"I'm not trying to get away from you. And I keep telling you to just call me Mitchie. No one ever calls me Michelle."

"Michelle sounds so much nicer." I went back to the fridge, remembering the beer I had to get and I could not wait for her reaction. "You're drinking? I could have sworn you brought your car here. I didn't know you drink and drive. Didn't your mother teach you-"

"It's also for Anthony. And no, Grandma, I don't drink and drive. I was in a three month long coma because a drunk driver hit me. Give me a little credit; I'm not stupid."

"I never said that you were."

"Sure you didn't."

"Honestly, Michelle I don't know why you're being so sensitive." I ignored her and searched for a Heineken. "Aren't those jeans too tight on you?" I wonder if I could break this bottle over my head right now. Would it be enough to kill me?

"No, they fit just fine but thank you for your concern," I assured her but couldn't help but look down and give myself a once over. I tugged my shirt down just a little and closed the fridge.

"I was just saying but you know a nice dress would suit you better." I walked past her and opened a drawer to find a bottle opener. The corkscrew at the end of it looked pretty sharp. Maybe I won't have to break a bottle to put myself out of this misery.

"What's that supposed to mean?" It was getting harder and harder to hold in my anger.

"Nothing, just that-"

"That _what_?" I asked, getting a bit louder but I was just honestly so fed up; as if this day wasn't hard enough without her criticizing something every two seconds.

"Michelle, don't raise your voice, it's exceptionally rude."

"Fine, whatever, _I'm sorry_," I said even though I had nothing to apologize for. Just as I was about to leave my mom walked in and it was almost unbearable to hold in the groan I wanted to let out.

"Everything okay in here?" she asked, automatically sensing the tension between us.

"Yes, Michelle was just overacting to something."

"Yeah, because I'm the one always doing something wrong."

"That's not what I said."

"It doesn't matter!"

"Mitchie, stop yelling," my mom said and I huffed in annoyance.

"Really, it's extremely unflattering for a young lady to be so hostile."

"Oh, is it? Please, why don't you tell me more things that are wrong with me, Grandma," I challenged and she looked offended.

"Mitchie, that's enough," my mom warned in a stern voice and I knew she was going to be of no help.

"What? It was a joke." Like hell it was.

"Well it wasn't very funny," my grandma said, throwing in her two cents as if I actually wanted to hear it.

"Whatever." My mom would not stop glaring at me.

"Just stop it." I threw my arms up in defeat.

"Jesus Christ I can't say anything without being attacked in this house!" I picked up the beer bottle and the plate and turned to leave.

"Where are you going?"

"I'm giving Anthony his plate and then I'm leaving."

"No you are not. We haven't even had dinner yet." I glanced over at my grandmother who was already looking at me. It was that same look she's been giving me all day, the same look she's always given me. And I couldn't stand it.

"I don't care," I said and without another word I left the kitchen. I handed Anthony his food and beer, ignoring his questions of what took me so long, and went to the coat closet so I can leave. When I got it and put it on my dad stopped me before I could go any further out of the house.

"Mitch? Where are you going?"

"Home." I was trying not to let my voice break but I could not get out of here fast enough.

"Why? What happened?" I didn't answer him and just looked down at my shoes. "What did she say to you?"

"Nothing," I said quietly but he knew I was lying. "Dad, I just want to leave." He sighed and pulled me in for a hug and kissed the top of my head.

"Alright, drive carefully sweetie. Let me know if you end up going out somewhere."

"I will." We said our goodbyes and I got in my car and took out my phone to text Alex that I was on my way home. She wanted me to come over for dinner but I told her that I wanted to go home for a while first. I just needed to be alone. I didn't want to go over there while I was still upset.

**Alex's POV**

After Mitchie texted me to tell me she was in fact coming over I went into the kitchen to help Brian, suddenly a lot happier. I was alright before though. Justin being here isn't as bad as I thought it would be. I was anxious to see how our first real family dinner would go, but in a good way. I was stirring something in a pot when Brian put something in the sink and came up next to me.

"Alex, there's something I wanted to run by you."

"Uh…okay. What is it?"

"I know we're all adjusting to this…situation with your mother being gone and Justin being back. But I want us to be a family. I don't want us to feel like strangers to each other and not know what's going on in each other's lives like before. So, I want us to all have family dinner together, say…every Wednesday?" he suggested and I thought it over. Before, we hardly saw each other. It was a rare occurrence that we were all home at the same time.

"That sounds good."

"When I said all of us I meant _all of us_…and that includes Justin."

"Oh."

"Yeah I didn't know how you'd feel about that so I wanted to ask you first." I guess it wouldn't be terrible to have him over every week for dinner. I mean, maybe this way I could get used to him being around again.

"Um…yeah, that's fine. I don't mind."

"Really?"

"Yeah, really." I smiled to let him know I was okay with it and he seemed happy. Just then Max and Justin both came into the kitchen to help set up the table. "Oh by the way, Max, set the table for five. Mitchie's coming over."

"Oh she is? That's great," Brian said as he went back to whatever dish he was preparing on the counter.

"How are you not sick of her? You spend every second with that girl," Justin joked and normally if he said something like that I would get annoyed but I just laughed. He had a point though; I did spend a lot of time with her. But I could never get sick of her.

"I do not."

"Yeah you do. I swear you guys are like…married." Why does everyone say that about us?

"Seriously," Max added as he came back into the kitchen to get cups and napkins. "You're always together in school, hanging out and holding hands. It's like you guys are dating." I froze in my place with my hand still holding the handle of the pot.

"Wait…" Justin's voice snapped me out of my trance but I stayed where I was, my back to the rest of my family. "You guys _are_ dating, aren't you?" What do I say? Should I just tell them? I mean, they know I'm gay so why should it matter if I'm seeing someone? And my family likes Mitchie so it shouldn't really be a problem, right? I turned around and everyone's eyes were on me.

"Um…yeah," I admitted, finally and it felt kind of liberating to have it out in the open. "Yeah, we are." Their expressions were a mix of surprised and confused. Max was the first to react.

"What? Really? I thought that was just a rumor."

"How did you hear about that?" I asked incredulously. Even before, Mitchie and I were never ones for a lot of PDA. We thought couples that were all over each other in front of others were just…gross. We kissed sometimes and held hands but that's about it.

"My friend Matt's brother, Peter, is in your grade. He heard from him and told me last year but I didn't know if I should believe him because of all the other rumors going around about Mitchie." I think my eyes actually widened at this point.

"How did you hear about _that_?" There were a number of bullshit stories about Mitchie last year and I hated how everyone twisted the truth around.

"What were they saying about her?" Brian asked curiously and slightly concerned. I looked at Max and silently pleaded with him to not say anything else about it.

"Nothing, it was all stupid. But I can't believe those rumors were true," he said, changing the subject and I wanted to sigh in relief.

"I can," Justin said while leaning against the counter with his arms crossed. "You two were always attached at the hip."

"How did I not guess that before?" Brian wondered out loud to himself. "Back in the winter when you told me you wanted to break up with Nate because you liked someone else…it was Mitchie, wasn't it?" I looked down for second and fidgeted with my fingers.

"Yes," I said kind of shyly but they seem to be taking it well. But then again I never really worried if they would approve of Mitchie or not.

"I should have known. Thank God though. I was worried I would have to deal with you ending up with someone who is the girl version of Nate or something," he joked but it sounded like he was kind of serious. He almost never does this 'protective father' business but I think that he was trying to be more parental now that he was all I have.

"So…you guys don't care?" I asked tentatively.

"No of course not. It's obvious she makes you happy. And we think Mitchie's great," Brian said and I couldn't help but go up to him and give him a hug. It just felt so great knowing that I wasn't keeping any secrets from my family anymore.

"Thank you." We all went back to setting up in no time and I was glad that the attention wasn't on me anymore. The food was still cooking while we prepared everything else and about an hour later everything was ready to be put out on the table.

"Alright guys, dinner's ready." Just as we all sat, the doorbell rang and I assumed it was Mitchie. I tried to contain my excitement as I stood from my chair.

"I got it." I walked over to the door and opened it to see Mitchie standing there holding a tray covered with foil in her hands. The second my eyes landed on hers I smiled. It was a habit I had around her. But she looked amazing and her smile alone took my breath away. "Hi."

**Mitchie's POV**

"Hi." I shifted the tray into one hand and pulled her into a hug with the other. She wrapped her arms around my waist and just held me. I breathed a sigh into her shoulder at finally being with her after the train wreck of a day I had. Only she had the power to make me feel better just by holding me in her arms. It's like she knew I needed comfort without knowing why.

"You look beautiful," she said quietly into my ear and it made my heart melt on the spot. And it eased my nerves just a little bit. We pulled apart but she kept one arm around my waist. Then suddenly she leaned into me again but this time she pressed her lips against mine. It was a brief kiss but still…she kissed me…right in front of her family. She let me go and smiled again. "They know."

"You told them?" I was surprised. I didn't think she would tell them so quickly. She usually likes to hide things from her family…or everyone.

"Well they kind of guessed and I figured there was no sense in denying it. Besides, I feel so much better now that it's not a secret anymore."

"Well if they're okay with it and you're happy then so am I." She took my hand in hers and led me to the table set up for Thanksgiving dinner. Brian, Max, and Justin were all seated and dressed nicely.

"Hey, Mitchie, you made it," Brian greeted me as he stood and gave me a hug. "Have a seat, you're just in time."

"Thanks, and my mom made extra sweet potatoes so I thought I would bring it over. I heated it at home so it should still be hot."

"Yes! Bring 'em here!" Max shouted happily. "I love yams but Brian doesn't know how to make them." I laughed and shook my head and Brian took the tray from my hands to put it on the table with the rest of the food.

"Thank you, Mitch; you didn't have to bring anything."

"I know but I didn't want to be rude. And that would have gone to waste if no one ate it."

"Well come on, I don't know about you but I'm starving," Alex said and I shifted uncomfortably on my feet before sitting next to her. "I already set your plate for you." I looked down at the food in front of me. There was turkey with a little bit of stuffing and some mashed potatoes next to it. I noticed that she put less food on my plate than she did for herself. I looked up at her and she met my gaze, offering me a smile that held a bit of sympathy and I knew she did it on purpose. She knew I would have a hard time eating today.

"Thanks," I said and she held my hand again under the table and gave it a light squeeze. It was a sweet gesture and this way it wouldn't appear as if I was eating significantly less than everyone if I finished my dinner. I'm sure she just wanted me to eat _something_.

"So…Mitchie…what are you thankful for?" Brian asked out of the blue.

"Um…" There were a lot of things actually.

"Since when do we ask what we're thankful for?" Alex said before I could answer.

"Since this is the first family dinner we are having as an actual family without any tension or hostility between anyone." She shrugged and it was silent for a moment or two before Max spoke up and broke it.

"Okay I'm just going to come right out and say it. I'm thankful that Mom isn't here anymore. There, it's out in the open now," he stated bluntly and everyone looked at each other not knowing what to say to that.

"I agree," Justin added as he held up his glass. "I didn't have to live with her as much as you guys did, but I'm glad she's gone."

"Me too," I said, and brought my glass up to his and Max's.

"You already know I am." Alex raised her own glass and we all looked at Brian expectantly. He sighed and shook his head.

"I'll drink to that," he said and soon his glass met all of ours.

"Yeah! To Mom being gone!" Max exclaimed and we all laughed and resumed eating.

"Well, aside from Mom not being here anymore…" Alex started as she looked back up at all of us, her gaze lingering on me a little bit longer than everyone else. "I'm thankful for all of you guys…even you, Justin." He looked taken aback by her comment, shocked that she would even think such a thing. "If it wasn't for you getting here when you did I could have ended up in the hospital. And you didn't have to come back here and try to make things better but you did. So…thank you."

"You're welcome."

"And Max, you were the only one who stuck around and didn't hate me. And Brian…you were there for me when my mom and dad weren't." She paused and then her eyes were on me once again. "Most of all I'm thankful for you, Mitch…for everything you've done for me. If it wasn't for you I probably wouldn't be here," she confessed with the utmost sincerity and it almost brought a tear to my eye.

"I second that…I'm thankful for Mitchie too," Justin said and we turned to look at him. "What? She was there when none of us were." Everyone at the table seemed to agree and I blushed slightly at the praise. It was weird in comparison to the kind of attention I got at my grandma's house.

"I'm thankful for all of you guys too," Brian said. "I'm glad we're all here together, you too Mitchie."

"Thank you."

"Now…let's eat." Everyone refocused on their food and started a new conversation but all I could focus on was the girl sitting next to me. I felt her eyes on me and I looked over at Alex.

"I love you," she mouthed out to me and I smiled.

"I love you too, babe." I had never felt so at ease with anyone in my entire life. I gripped my fork and let out a breath I didn't know I was holding. Alex's hand reached for mine under the table again and I felt the nerves in my stomach calm down just a little. I looked down at my plate and took in another breath. I can do this. As long as I have Alex by my side…I can do this.

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: My Stupid Mouth by John Mayer**


	29. Your Song

**A/N 1: Thanks for the reviews and sorry again for the delay but HEY at least this one didn't take a month? AMIRITE? Well this one is the longest chapter I've ever written so I apologize if you don't like long chapters. But this one I didn't want to split up. It's Christmas themed. And the song I use at the end is _She Is __Love_ by Parachute. The acoustic version because it's a thousand times better. You should listen to it during that part, you don't have t though.**

**Anyway, hope you like it. Idk when the next one will be posted but it's going to be another time skip.**

**Review though, yeah? YEAH.**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>29. Your Song<p>

_It may be quite simple, but now that it's done  
><em>_I hope you don't mind  
><em>_I hope you don't mind that I put down in words  
><em>_How wonderful life is while you're in the world_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

Today, although it was yet another holiday, I was determined to get through it. I knew I would have to see my grandparents again seeing as how my parents host the dinner every year. We don't have too many people over considering how small our place was but still…I had to see them again. But I didn't want to think about it until I had to. Right now all I was thinking about was my girlfriend who sleeps like a bear in hibernation.

It was weird because she usually isn't such a heavy sleeper but here I was standing at the foot of her bed after an unsuccessful attempt to wake her up. I crossed my arms over my chest before climbing on her bed and straddling her waist. Her head was turned to the side and I leaned down to place a kiss on her neck. I kept my lips there as she started to shift under me. I pulled back just as her eyes opened slightly and I smiled down at her while she tried to adjust to the light. Once she noticed I was sitting on her she flinched in surprised.

"GOOD MORNING SWEETHEART," I said in an obnoxiously loud voice and she just stared at me blinking a couple times.

"I don't remember setting this alarm," she mumbled, coming back from the miniature heart attack I caused her to have.

"You wouldn't wake up when I shook you."

"Did you kiss me or did I dream that?"

"I did, but I don't know; it could have been both." She looked up at me and smiled too before putting her arms lazily around my waist.

"It was probably both."

"Oh is that why you wouldn't wake up? You a little busy in dream land over there?" I asked with my eyebrow raised and she laughed but nodded anyway. "Oh well then sorry to interrupt; I'll let you get back to _dream-Mitchie _and I'll just be outside." I started to climb off of her but she held me in place, pulling me in even closer than I was before.

"Nooooo, don't leave. Real Mitchie is better."

"Is she now?"

"Yes, always." She leaned up and I met her halfway in a brief kiss. "Good morning. What time is it anyway?"

"A little before ten."

"Not that I don't love waking up to you…but why are you here so early?" she asked as she sat up with me still in her lap.

"Well for starters, today is Christmas Eve and I'm not going to get to see you all day because _someone_ is working."

"I'm sorry, I wish I wasn't but one of the girls called in sick…which I think is bullshit…but on the bright side I get paid extra since it's a holiday."

"But now I can't spend time with you because I have to have dinner at my house," I said with a slight pout just thinking about the awful impending get-together with my grandmother again.

"I know but I promise we can hang out later tonight. Besides, I _really_ want to give you your gift." At that my smile widened.

"What did you get me?" I practically sang but she just shook her head.

"Would you tell me?" she retorted and I sighed knowing she was right.

"No I wouldn't. But I'm giving my gift a little differently."

"How so?" She looked confused and I got off of her completely and instead sat beside her.

"You'll get it in parts…like right now, the main reason I'm here so early…I made breakfast for you."

"You did?"

"Well I made it for everyone. I wasn't going to make breakfast for you and not the rest of your family. What kind of girlfriend do you think I am?" I joked, earning another laugh from her and I could hear the sleep still in her voice.

"A perfect one," she said before kissing me on my cheek and then lying back down on her bed.

"I was going to wake you up when I first got here but I decided to let you sleep. But it's ready now so come on, get up," I urged her while tugging on her hand but she whined and rolled onto her side.

"Ten minutes."

"Alex."

"I'm so tired." I moved up until I was hovering over her and brushed some of her hair aside and away from her face. She did look exhausted.

"Are you feeling okay?"

"I'm fine."

"Why are you always tired?" I asked, concerned, but she rolled back over so that she was facing me.

"Work has just been killing me with these new longer _holiday hours_."

"Why don't you just stop working so many days?" Aside from it wearing her out to the point where she comes home and passes out on her bed immediately, her busy work schedule has made it harder for us to spend time with each other. But we always found a way to make time so it hasn't put a strain on our relationship.

"I just like that I don't have to worry about money. Ever since my mom got arrested I started working more. I wanted to take the burden off of Brian so he won't have to worry about me ever needing cash." I moved my hand from her hair and ran it down her back.

"I know but you can afford to take a few days off. You have like, no energy."

"I know. Once the new year rolls around it'll stop being so crazy over there. And then maybe I can catch a break." She reached out for my hand that I wasn't leaning on for support and mindlessly played with my fingers before intertwining them. "And _hopefully_ I get to see you more."

"I told you I don't mind not going out if you're tired. Really, I just like being with you. It doesn't matter what we do or where we are."

"I love you."

"I love you too…now, get up," I said and she let go of my hand and pulled the covers over her shoulders as she turned away from me. "_Alex_," I whined but she didn't move.

"I'll love you more in like five minutes when I'm fully awake." I stood from her bed and headed towards the door. She obviously wasn't going to get up any time soon.

"Fine, don't come. I just hope Max doesn't eat all the bacon before you get there," I called out over my shoulder. I heard sheets rustling behind me and just as I reached for the doorknob I felt a weight crash down on my back. My knees buckled only slightly but I fixed my footing once arms and legs were tightly secure around my waist and neck. Alex clung to me as I held her thighs so she wouldn't fall. Where in the world did this energy come from?

"You should have started with bacon."

"You're unbelievable," I laughed out but refused to resume my walking. "I could have fallen. What if I didn't catch you?"

"You always catch me," she mumbled as she rested her head on my shoulder, her lips lightly brushing my hair. I smiled though she couldn't see it. I imagine she was smiling too. "Now let's go." She kicked my hip with her right foot for added effect. "Onward, noble steer," she joked and I started walking as my jaw dropped. I froze before composing myself.

"What!"

"What?"

"You mean _steed_?"

"What did I say?" she asked, apparently missing her slip up.

"You said _steer_." I felt her chest rumble with a low chuckle against my back. I rolled my eyes. I'm glad she finds it funny. I held on to her legs a little more tightly and made sure my feet were planted firmly on the ground. She won't be laughing for long. I slowly started leaning backwards with Alex still hanging onto me until her back was almost parallel with the floor. Her grip on my neck was suffocating as she started freaking out.

"Oh my God no Mitch! I'm sorry! I so didn't mean that! I'm sorry!" I let out a laugh of my own and stood back upright. I could feel her breathing on my back almost as much as her rapid heartbeat. "What the hell; don't do that!" she practically gasped out, trying to calm down.

"You called me a cow."

"By accident! Mitch, you know I would never call you that," she said in a much gentler tone and I knew she was being sincere. I mean, I didn't actually think she meant it anyway. Alex always words things poorly. Besides, she was probably the only one who could call me a cow by accident and I wouldn't take offense to it.

"I know. I just think it's funny."

"It's not funny; I hate it when you do that!" she scolded but I could hear the underlying laugh in her voice. "How do you even bend that far back without falling?"

"I don't know, I guess I'm just really flexible," I mused out loud as I starting walking us out of her room.

"Good to know," she whispered in my ear and I really hoped I wasn't blushing the second we got to the table next to the kitchen. "Holy crap it smells good in here."

"I told you she'd be able to wake her up," Justin said to Brian while we took our seats across from him. He had apparently been here every Wednesday night for _family_ _dinner_ for about a month now. Alex said she still hasn't gotten used to it but is slowly adjusting. And considering today was Christmas Eve, she was going to have to spend time with him all day.

"Hey…I was going to get up eventually," Alex defended as she started picking at the different plates set out.

"You just do anything Mitchie tells you to do," he quipped back and I couldn't help the short, amused laugh that escaped my lips.

"Psh, _no_."

"What a nice way to say thank you to the girl who made your favorite breakfast foods." It was true. I went all out this morning; French toast, bacon, hash browns. But no eggs, they just _get in her way_. Of what? More bacon.

"Play nice, _kids_," Brian joked. "It's Christmas time. And thank you for cooking, Mitchie."

"Thank you, baby," Alex added with a swift kiss to my cheek. It was quick and short-lived. We both had a mutual understanding about PDA in front of her family.

"You're welcome. I'm just glad I got to come over once today. Knowing my mom she's probably going to have me in shackles chained to my house so I don't leave again." I got quite a lecture when I went home on Thanksgiving that night. I knew it was coming so I tuned most of it out. It didn't matter to me. I got away from my family and I ended up finishing my meal.

"Just don't leave; hide out here all day," Alex suggested and I lightly shoved her arm.

"Yeah like that's not going to get her into trouble," Justin muttered with a mouthful of toast.

"Shut up."

"Well it's good to see you two are getting along," I said sarcastically as I picked at the toast on my own plate, little by little.

"What? We get along. Justin's just jealous because you're pretty and his last girlfriend looked like a horse," Alex said earning a loud laugh from Max at the other end of the table.

"She wasn't _that_ bad."

"Please, I saw the pictures. I've seen road kill more attractive than her."

"Looks aren't all that matter to me."

"Clearly, I mean, look at you-ow!" she said but I kicked her under the table to shut her up.

"Be nice, Alex. Justin's a good looking guy."

"_Thank you_ Mitchie," he said before glaring at his younger sister.

"You're welcome Justin." I offered a smile. I may not be attracted to guys but that didn't mean I couldn't tell when one was attractive.

"Oh I'm sorry; do you two want to be left alone?" Alex asked after staring between the two of us with her eyebrow raised.

"Yeah, if you don't mind," I waved her off and she exaggerated a scoff before standing up from her seat. I grabbed her by the waist and pulled her back down to her seat immediately. She pouted at me. "Don't give me that look."

"You suck."

"Yeah, yeah. Just eat your bacon."

"Yes, dear," she huffed out but complied anyway, probably more than happy to devour the salty breakfast. Justin made a sound resembling a whip cracking and even followed up with the hand gesture to go with it. "Whatever, I'm still the one with the pretty girlfriend," she said with a shrug and I looked down at my plate to hide the redness in my cheeks.

"Dude, don't even try; she's going to win with that every time," Max said to his older brother who just slumped back in his chair in defeat. Out of the corner of my eye I saw Alex smiling.

* * *

><p>After breakfast I stayed with Alex a little longer until she had to go to work and I knew I had to go home soon anyway. My mom wanted me to help her clean the house, which I have been doing for the past five hours because apparently <em>it's not clean enough<em>. I swear it's like she thinks the fucking queen of England is coming over. But then again I'm sure she would be much easier to please than my grandmother.

I was still feeling a little full from this morning so I was worried about dinner later. And this time I wasn't going to have Alex with me to help me through it. All I was going to have was my family. And my family has the tendency to make things worse without even trying to. Unless my grandma _tries_ to make me miserable, well then…she succeeds every time.

"Mitchie?" my mom called through the door and I had slight déjà vu from last month. "Honey, can we talk to you?" Her voice was soft and it didn't sound like she was going to complain about something or make me vacuum my room again even though no one is going to be going inside it.

"Sure." My door opened revealing both of my parents but I couldn't tell what they wanted from the looks on their faces. "What's up?"

"First things first," my dad started, "we know your grandma is going to be here and last time was a bit…uncomfortable for you." Uncomfortable was an understatement. "But we really want you to stay the whole time tonight."

"And yes, you can wear whatever you want," my mom added. She had apologized for what happened on Thanksgiving, both here and at my grandparents' house. I know she only does these things because she knows how her own mother can be but it gets old really fast. And sometimes I just need her to be on my side instead of trying to please a woman who I honestly don't think really cares about me all that much.

"An outfit isn't going to make things better, you know that right?"

"Yes and that's why we did the only thing we could think of to keep you here, and happy, tonight. We don't want you to feel like this is going to be a miserable day. It's Christmas Eve and we should all be together and we should all get along today. So we invited the Russo's over tonight too," my dad said and there was no way I heard him correctly.

"Wait…seriously?"

"Yeah, I mean, if you have your best friend with you then it'll be easier to avoid a confrontation with Grandma. And besides, it's been…what? Five years?"

"Six."

"Six years and I think it's about time we got acquainted with her family…since that mother of hers is gone, it might be better now." I always did find it weird how our parents never met. I'm sure Alex did that on purpose because by the time I met her she was already starting to have problems with her family. "They should be here any minute. I figured it would be best if they got here first."

"Really?" I asked, still not fully believing it. My dad nodded his head and I engulfed him in a tight hug. I was beyond happy. And here I thought I was going to kill somebody tonight. "Thank you."

"It was actually your mother's idea," he admitted and I was taken completely aback.

"It was?" Just as the question passed my lips a bell went off from inside, most likely the oven timer. My dad exited my room to check on whatever was cooking, leaving me and my mom alone.

"I know I didn't want you to go to her house on Thanksgiving because I wanted you to be with us but I know how important this is," she explained but I had no idea what she was getting at.

"What do you mean?" She sighed and sat down at the foot of my newly made bed. I sat next to her.

"Your grandmother can be a bit much. She always had been; even when I was growing up. And I was too hard on you at Thanksgiving. But it's only because I don't want to see you get hurt. And Alex has helped you a lot over the year. I don't know what it is but it appears she is the only one who can get through to you when it comes to this. So I invited her and her family over tonight. That way we can all have a nice dinner together." I couldn't open my mouth to talk; I was too shocked. I thought I had been hiding my problems lately. I know Alex is concerned but I thought my parents had no idea. When I left my grandparents' house on Thanksgiving I didn't tell them what happened. My dad just knew that I was upset and it was most likely my grandma's fault. I wondered just how much she knew about everything.

"Thank you," I managed to say again but it was so quiet, almost inaudible. My mom pulled me in for a hug and kissed the side of my head.

"You're welcome, sweetie. Let's just get through this holiday without any problems." It's ironic that she was telling _me_ this instead of her own mother considering I'm not the cause of the problems. But I agreed anyway.

"I'll try." After that she didn't push the subject any further and left me alone to start getting ready. I was nervous though. Alex has never met my grandmother before and I didn't want her feel her wrath the second she sets foot in the house. I swear if she makes one comment about Alex I will lose it. And my mom will deal with it because I'm not letting her say anything about my girlfriend…even if they don't know she's my girlfriend.

I tried my hardest to look as nice as I possibly could to avoid criticism but it was probably bound to happen anyway. I tried not to dwell too long on my reflection in the mirror. Staring too much will just trigger everything and I don't need to start my downward spiral this early in the night. The doorbell rang, snapping me from my thoughts and I felt I could breathe a little easier knowing who was waiting on the other side.

When I went into the living room I saw my parents greeting Alex, Brian, Justin, and Max. I hated that I still wasn't out to my family yet. At Alex's house I could walk in, greet her with a kiss, and look at her like she is the single greatest thing that has ever happened to me. I had to pull her into a hug and make it seem that her being here wasn't a big deal in more ways than one. It will have to do for now.

"Mitchie, would you take everyone's coats to the guest room?" my dad asked as everyone came inside. Brian was holding some food in his hands as well as Justin. Alex followed when I walked away from everyone. The door to the guest room shut behind me and I laid the coats on the bed before turning around and wrapping my arms around Alex's waist.

"Why didn't you tell me you were coming over? You knew this whole time, didn't you?" I told her and she bit her lip to hide her smile.

"Early Christmas surprise?" I didn't know how long she had known and how long she had kept it from me but the relief I felt in the pit of my heart was way too overwhelming to even care. I pulled her in closer to me until our bodies practically molded into each other and I buried my face in her neck. I breathed out a sigh.

"You don't know how happy I am that you're here."

"It can't be _that_ bad," she said as she pulled back from me a little to look in my eyes. "But I'm glad I'm here too."

"I'm surprised you're not _too tired_," I teased and she rolled her eyes at me.

"I'm never too tired for you." She kissed my lips and the knots in my stomach slowly started coming undone. "I could be shot with a tranquilizer and I would still come here for you."

"Thanks Lex," I mumbled into her shoulder and she ran her hand lightly through my hair.

"Don't worry Mitch, you'll get through today. And I talked my family through everything."

"What are you talking about?"

"I told them your family doesn't know about you or us. I wanted to make sure none of them said anything especially since Max has a bad habit of talking without thinking things through first."

"Oh, thanks, I just want tonight to go as smoothly as possible. Now let's go back inside before Brian thinks we're doing something," I suggested but she laughed and shook her head.

"Yeah right, he'll never think that. Brian thinks you're too respectful to do anything when people are around, even making out."

"Well he's right about that," I told her and she rolled her eyes at me as we started walking out of the guest room.

"Don't worry, I'll eventually change your mind," she promised quietly. I briefly wondered again if I was blushing as we arrived into the living room. The food and table were still being set up while everyone else talked amongst themselves. Sitting in the chairs nearest to the door I spotted my grandparents and stifled the urge to let my face drop.

"What? You're just not going to say hi to your grandma and grandpa anymore, Michelle?" she asked and I could tell already that she wasn't going to go easy on me tonight. But she's way too clever, for an old person anyway. "Hiding from me, already?"

"Hi, sorry, I was just putting things away. I didn't know you were here." I walked over to them and gave them each a hug. My grandpa never gave me problems; he was always happy to see me. Then again, he is a little senile so he doesn't really know what's going on sometimes anyway.

"Oh well that's quite alright dear; no need to make a fuss over it," she said, offering me a smile and I wanted to grit my teeth in anger. I went back into the kitchen where Alex was standing with her brother at the island. But apparently my grandmother followed. "Aren't you going to introduce us to your guests?"

"Right…um…this is Alex, my best friend." I wonder how much chaos it would cause if I introduced her as my girlfriend. "These are her brothers Justin and Max, and her dad, Brian." I didn't even bother calling him her stepdad. I didn't need to give her the opportunity to make things awkward especially if God forbid the question of _where's her mother_ came up. She and my grandpa said their hellos and introductions to the Russo's before her eyes landed back on Alex.

"Mitch, could you come help me in here?" my dad asked me but I didn't want to move. I didn't want to leave Alex alone with her.

"Why?"

"Don't be rude, Michelle go help your father," my grandma insisted so to avoid any further argument I left the two of them. I was taking things out of the refrigerator and arranging things on plates with my dad while my mom kept cooking. I don't know how long we were setting up for but I glanced over towards the living room and saw Alex engaged in a conversation with my grandmother and I wanted to break a plate.

"You alright, Mitch?" I turned back to my dad who was cutting something on the counter.

"What? Yeah I'm fine," I lied and set a few more glasses down on the dining table.

"Okay well we're just about done here. We'll call everyone over when it's time to eat." I silently thanked God and immediately headed over to where Alex was sitting on one of the couches.

"Hey Mitch, you're back." I was relieved when I saw that she was smiling and not trying to kill my grandma but I wondered _why_. If I was left alone with her I'd look like I wanted to kill myself.

"Yeah, sorry, but dinner is almost ready. My dad just needed an extra hand with moving everything to the table."

"Is there anything I could help with?" she offered politely.

"No I think he's got it from here, but thanks."

"Alright, well if you'll excuse me I'll be right back." She stood up but I grabbed her by the wrist before she could walk away.

"Where are you going?" I asked her quietly.

"To the bathroom. Mitchie, just relax. Nothing bad is going to happen." I sincerely hope not. I sighed and let go and watched as she turned a corner and left my sight. I turned back to my grandma who patted the seat next to her, inviting me to join her.

"Come sit."

"So…what's up?" I asked awkwardly not knowing what else to say. I know I have to say _something_ or she'll think I'm ignoring her or giving her attitude.

"Oh nothing; Alex and I were just talking and I have to say she is such a sweet girl. Why haven't you brought her around before?" she asked and I just stood there and blinked. After a second or two I snapped out of it.

"I'm sorry…what?"

"I was actually a little surprised but then again you never used to bring your friends around. I was starting to think you didn't have any. I was worried." Don't roll your eyes, whatever you do, _don't roll your eyes_.

"No Grandma, I do have friends."

"Oh. That's good," she said like she didn't believe me. Honestly what do I have to do to get a positive reaction out of this woman? All Alex had to do was talk to her for a little while and she thinks she's wonderful.

"Guys, dinner's ready!" my dad called out to us thankfully interrupting this conversation. I took a seat at the table and unfortunately my grandma sat right across from me. Alex came back from the bathroom and took the seat next to mine. Conversation started at the table but my eyes kept shifting up towards Alex, to my plate, to my grandma, and back to my plate again. I didn't know what anyone was talking about but I all of a sudden heard my name and my head shot back up.

"What?"

"Were you not paying attention again?" my grandma asked and I wish I just didn't acknowledge it in the first place. "Brian was just asking if you wanted mushrooms and I said that you can't have any."

"Excuse me?" I didn't mean for it to sound that bitter but she wasn't even _trying_ to make it subtle.

"Aren't you allergic, dear?" She was confused at my tone as I'm sure everyone else was too. I couldn't help it; it was an instinct. I mumbled a 'yeah' in response hoping the conversation would focus on someone else now. "Oh Alex what happened to your hand?" she asked randomly and my eyes shot to her. I didn't even notice the bandage she had on.

"It's nothing; I just accidentally cut myself at work today," she said sheepishly as I looked at her, concerned. It didn't look too bad though.

"You worked today? On Christmas Eve?"

"I wasn't supposed to but they needed someone since another girl was sick so I figured I would help out."

"Well that was nice of you." As thrilled as I was that my grandmother wasn't giving Alex a hard time like she does with me I was kind of pissed. I'm her granddaughter and she never says a single nice thing to me. And dinner continued like this the whole night. I just tried to keep my mouth shut. I would rather say nothing at all than risk confrontation and tension. When the table cleared everyone went back to sit and mingle or whatever in the living room. Our families seemed to be getting along really well so I was happy. But of course my happiness died out pretty quickly when I went to put away some of the glasses on the coffee table.

"Michelle," my grandmother's voice caught my attention and right away I stiffened. I looked towards the living room and everyone was absorbed in some other conversation, not paying attention at all to the two of us in the kitchen. She was on the other side of the island.

"Yes?"

"Oh, nothing, I just wanted to see how you were."

"I'm fine."

"Are you sure? Because you look like you're uncomfortable." Well that's partly because I'm hungry and partly because I'm standing here talking to my grandmother when I'd rather be doing literally _anything_ _else_.

"I'm fine," I repeated, hopefully sounding a little more convincing this time. She didn't look like she was leaving and if I left she would think I was being rude so I decided to keep the conversation going. I _was_ curious anyway. "So…what did you think of Alex?"

"Alex? I think she's lovely; and very hard working. How come you don't have a job?" And now I regret opening my mouth.

"I don't know."

"But you're already eighteen. And it will teach you some responsibility."

"I just don't really want nor need one right now. Alex had the opportunity and she took it because she wanted one. I don't."

"Well that is very smart of her. You know, you could learn a thing or two from that girl." I've never had a sibling before in my life so I never had the displeasure of being compared to one by my parents. I can bet this is what it would have felt like though. Thank God I am an only child. Because I was just about ready to have a conniption.

**Alex's POV**

I was still sitting on the couch talking to Justin and Max waiting for Mitchie to come back but it's been a while. I thought she was just going to put something away and then come back. I looked over my shoulder towards the kitchen and saw her talking to her grandmother and she didn't look too happy.

I've never met her grandma before tonight and she has never mentioned her at all throughout the six years that I've known her. But even after only a few hours I could tell that there was something going on because every time she says something or even looks at her Mitchie just tenses up and shuts down. And considering she looked like she was going to start yelling I got up and walked over to the two of them, catching part of their conversation.

"Are you kidding me?" Mitchie asked, her voice raising a little bit but not enough to get anyone else's attention.

"What?"

"You always do this. You always have some comment or problem and you just have to criticize me every time you see me." She looked like she was about to lose it. I went up to her and gently touched her arm so she would look at me.

"Hey, what's wrong?" I asked quietly but she just shook her head.

"I don't have a problem, Michelle. Really, I don't know what has gotten into you lately."

"I don't know either Grandma. Maybe I'm just really cranky from not eating," she stated angrily, causing my eyebrows to furrow in confusion. Her grandma stood from the seat at the island.

"Well I find that hard to believe," she said as she turned around to say something to Mitchie's parents. I looked over at Mitchie and she looked _furious_. Her jaw clenched as she made a strangling gesture towards her grandma who had her back to us.

"I'm going to kill her," she muttered under her breath and I grabbed her hands to try and calm her down.

"Mitch, relax."

"No."

"Just come with me to your room."

"No." She wasn't even looking at me. She was just staring daggers at her grandma.

"Mitchie," I said a little louder but she was being stubborn.

"No. I'm going to kill her."

"Mitchie."

"No." I needed to get her out of here now. I was still holding her wrists in my hands even though I doubt she would actually kill her grandmother. I looked at the counter and noticed a cup filled halfway with soda and without a second thought I smacked it towards her. It fell over and a good portion of it spilled on her shirt.

"Alex," she whined as she pulled her hands out of my grasp. "What the hell?"

"Oh no…that's…terrible, come on, let's go to your room so you can find a clean shirt to wear," I said quickly just as her grandmother turned back around to see what was going on.

"Honestly, Michelle, be a little more careful," she said to her and I knew if we didn't leave Mitchie was going to explode.

"No, no, that was my fault. I just don't pay attention to my surroundings sometimes. Mitch, _let's go to your room_," I repeated before turning back and offering a smile to her grandma. "Excuse us." And with that I took Mitchie by the arm and practically dragged her to her bedroom. I locked the door behind me as soon as we got in and Mitchie immediately started mumbling things as she took her shirt off and tossed it on the floor. "Sorry about that but don't worry I think Pepsi stains wash out," I offered but she was still upset.

"I don't even care about my shirt. It's probably better that I change anyway. Maybe this time I'll wear something that she won't make some stupid fucking comment on or tell me that _it doesn't suit me very well_ or-"

"What are you talking about?" I said, cutting off her rant.

"But it doesn't matter because she'll _still_ find something to not like and then bitch about and then act like she _doesn't_ know she's driving me up the fucking wall and-"

"Mitchie!" I yelled and she finally stopped talking and pacing. "Calm down."

"I can't."

"Babe, just breathe," I instructed and it seemed to work a little. She sat down at the foot of her bed and I took a seat next to her. "Now can you please tell me what the hell is going on?"

"I just…I _can't_ _stand_ her." I knew who she was talking about but I wondered why she never brought it up before.

"Is she always like this? Do your parents even know?"

"They know how judgmental she can be but they don't know the full extent. And she has been like this ever since I was born. She and my grandpa used to live in this building too so I would always stay at her house or she would be here. And she would always criticize me about _everything_."

"Even when you were younger?"

"_Especially_ when I was younger." She took another deep breath and ran her hands through her hair. "I was kind of overweight when I was little. And my grandma would always tell me how it wasn't right and that I should lose weight, basically telling me I'm unattractive and that if I keep it up boys were never going to like me when I got older. God, it just fucked with my mind so much, I was like…only seven."

"Why didn't you ever tell me this before?" I knew she had self esteem issues and she was entirely too insecure for someone who looks the way she does. But I never knew why. I didn't even know she had these problems before I met her.

"I don't know. At first it was just her but in school some kids would pick on me or whatever too. It got really bad when I was eleven and I ended up in the hospital. I promised my dad I would stop and it took a while but I thought I was fine after that. I didn't want anyone to worry so I kind of just ignored it but I still felt awful about myself every time I'd see her or even if I just looked in a mirror. And I hate that after all that's happened to me I _still_ can't seem to get away from this." I took her hand in mine and held it tightly. A year ago she would never even admit to any of this. She would just tell me nothing is wrong.

"Mitchie, you seriously have nothing to be insecure about. I don't know how you don't see it."

"I just don't."

"Well you should, because I do. And so does everyone else. Don't listen to what your grandma says because she's wrong, okay? You're beautiful," I told her honestly while looking into her eyes. She just looked so sad and I wanted nothing more than to just make this go away…for good. She didn't say anything before leaning in and softly pressing her lips to mine. I kissed her briefly but when I pulled away she came right back in and kissed me again, this time with a little more urgency.

Her hands moved to either side of my face as she sucked my bottom lip between her teeth, tugging slightly. I was a bit surprised when she deepened the kiss but let a moan slip out when I felt her tongue enter my mouth. And I haven't forgotten that she is still only in her bra and skinny jeans, turning me on that much more. She slowly started pushing me until I was lying on my back.

She usually never lets things get this heated when there were others in the house yet here she was, half naked, on top of me. I was getting so lost in the kiss I didn't even notice her hands were up my shirt until I felt her fingers graze my stomach. But I snapped out of my daze when I felt the faintest hint of a warm wetness on my cheek. And as much as I would love to continue I knew that I couldn't.

"Mm…Mitch?" I barely got out against her mouth. She pulled away from me but didn't acknowledge that I had said anything. She dipped her head a little lower and her lips, only slightly trembling, pressed against the sensitive flesh of my neck. My breathing was heavy and so was hers but for entirely different reasons. "Mitch, stop."

"Why? What's wrong?" she mumbled quietly against my skin as she continued kissing me. I put my hands on her shoulders and gently pushed them back so I could finally look at her.

"Well first of all, both our families are inside."

"So what, they won't hear us," she said before leaning down and kissing me again. I wanted to drop it but I had to stop this.

"That's not the point. You're the one who always says no to this when someone else is home. And second of all, you're crying."

"No I'm not," she said unconvincingly and I sighed as I sat up with her still straddling me. I kept one arm around her waist and used my other hand to tuck a few strands of hair behind her ear. She looked down, avoiding my eyes again, and I wiped away the tear that she didn't want me to see fall.

"Mitchie…"

"I'm sorry," she whispered before getting off of me and going over to her closet, probably to look for a clean shirt to change into.

"Babe, don't apologize. I know how hard this is for you and I wish me telling you that you're wrong would be enough." She stopped flipping through her hangers and walked back over to me, still in her bra. "Do you believe me?"

"I want to," she said, taking a breath before continuing, "Because when I'm with you I sometimes don't even think about it. And even if I do I don't feel bad; because I know that with you I have nothing to worry about. But sometimes…I can't help it." I hated hearing her talk about herself like this. I don't understand how anyone could ever make her feel bad about the way she looks. I took her hand again and led her to her mirror, forcing her to turn around and look into it but she refused to cooperate.

"Mitchie."

"Alex, stop." I stood behind her and held her by her hips so she wouldn't move. "Please, don't make me do this." Her voice sounded a little shaky but her tears were gone by now.

"Can you just look up for me?" I all but begged her and she finally complied and picked her head up. "Now I don't know what weird, distorted version of yourself you keep seeing in the mirror. But I see what everyone else sees. And you're beautiful, in every way possible." I looked at her reflection and saw her blush before lowering her head again.

"I'm not."

"Yes you are. And I want to hear you say it."

"What? No."

"Say it."

"No."

"Say it. You know I'm not going to leave you alone until you say it." She remained quiet, now looking at my reflection in the mirror. "Say it," I urged one more time and she huffed in defeat.

"Fine." She shifted a little but I was still holding her. "I'm beautiful," she said so quietly I barely caught it.

"Okay…now how about you say it in a volume that humans can actually hear?" She chuckled lowly and I was glad I got her to smile at least a little bit.

"I'm beautiful," she repeated a little louder but still extremely quiet.

"I'm sorry, I didn't catch that."

"I'm beautiful," she said, her voice ringing loud and clear throughout her bedroom.

"Alright, I heard you the first time; you don't have to be so conceited about it," I joked and she turned around and slapped me in my chest. But her smile was still in place.

"Shut up."

"I'm just kidding. But I'm glad you finally said it."

"Saying it and believing it are two different things."

"Well I don't care; I'll spend the rest of my life trying to get you to believe it if that's what it takes." She smiled and kissed my lips sweetly. And she didn't try to push it further this time.

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too. Now…" I trailed off and went into her closet. I looked through the different tops hanging and pulled one out. "I say you wear this, and we go back inside and enjoy the rest of Christmas Eve with our families."

"Yeah, you're right," she said while nodding her head and quickly put her new shirt on. She straightened it out a bit before looking at herself in the mirror. I walked up next to her and put my arm around her shoulders.

"Don't worry, you look amazing." I kissed her cheek and she smiled again as she started blushing. "You're perfect, Mitchie."

"I wish I met you when I was younger. I needed someone like you in my life growing up."

"I know I'm a little late…but hopefully I'm making up for all the years I didn't know you."

"You really are," she said and I leaned in and pecked her lips.

"Good. Now come on, let's go. And if your grandma says something about being in your room for so long we'll just say it was my fault or something."

"Like she'd care if you did something. I try my whole life to get her approval and you come over _one night_ and she just _loves_ you." As serious as she was trying to be I had to laugh at that. "It's not funny! _Oh Alex is so polite and hard working, _and then she looks at me, _Michelle honey I think your pants are too tight because you are just SO GOD DAMN FAT_," she said dramatically, imitating her grandmother's voice.

"You are not fat! Wait…she seriously said that?"

"Well not exactly but she might as well have."

"Well either way, don't listen to her. She's old…and probably doesn't understand the concept of skinny jeans."

"It doesn't matter; she still would rather have you as a granddaughter over me."

"Oh stop, you're exaggerating."

"No I'm not; she loves you. She said I could learn a thing or two from you." I couldn't help but laugh again even though I knew this was bothering Mitchie.

"I'm sorry but that's hilarious. You should show her our report cards and then see what she thinks of me after that." Mitchie was a straight-A student; surely her grandmother would be proud of her for that. The girl was brilliant without even trying.

"No because then she'll just think I'm trying to show off. I'm telling you she will find _anything_ to criticize me."

"Well I'm not going to leave your side this time," I promised her, hugging her closer to me. "Let's get back out there." She smiled as I let her go and we started walking to her door. I stopped before she could open it and I grabbed her hand and pulled her back a bit. "Wait."

"What?" she asked, tilting her head, and I tugged her hand a little more until she was right in front of me. I kissed her, letting it linger a little longer this time.

"I just wanted to kiss you again before we had to go inside," I told her and she smiled brightly at me. I was hoping to bring that smile back. I didn't want her to ever be unhappy.

"Thank you, Alex," she said a little quietly and I knew it went beyond just kissing her or telling her she's beautiful.

"Anytime, Mitch."

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

Surprisingly, the rest of the night went really well. Alex kept her word and my grandmother actually left me alone. But I didn't really think she would try to say something to me when everyone else was around. My mom and dad knew something was wrong though and my mom promised to talk to my grandma so hopefully she will back off from now on.

I wanted to give Alex another part of her gift last night but she said since it wasn't technically Christmas we couldn't exchange gifts yet. I knew she just wanted to make me wait even though I still had more. But I was excited to see her today. My family usually doesn't really do anything for Christmas day, as weird as that sounds, so my parents didn't mind letting me go over Alex's house again.

I went over there even though it was still a little early. I just wanted to spend the day with her. I rang the doorbell and Brian answered, looking a little confused. He was holding a cardboard box in one hand but I couldn't tell what was inside of it.

"Mitchie? I thought you were coming over later."

"I was but Alex told me to just come over whenever."

"She did?"

"Yeah…why?"

"Nothing, it's just…Alex is at work right now." Now it was my turn to look confused.

"She is? She didn't tell me she had to go to work today. It's Christmas; why are they even open?" I asked and he just shrugged before stepping aside and inviting me in.

"I don't know but you're welcome to stay here until she gets back. She isn't working that long anyway; it was a last minute thing again. But she should be home in an hour." I figured there was no point in going home to just come back. I might as well just wait here.

"Thanks, it's just weird that she didn't tell me," I said while walking into the apartment. I took out my phone to double check in case I missed it but she hadn't said anything about work. I sent her a quick text asking her about it and almost right away she texted me back.

_Text Message From: Alex  
><em>_What are you talking about? I told you like a couple hours ago_

_Text Message To: Alex  
><em>**_No you didn't_**

_Text Message From: Alex  
><em>_Ah crap, I wrote it out but saved it as a draft by accident lol oops_

_Text Message To: Alex  
><em>**_You're a genius Alex, really_**

_Text Message From: Alex  
><em>_Lmao I know, I know. I'm sorry but I'll be home soon_

_Text Message To: Alex  
><em>**_Alright, I'll be here_**

"Do you need help with that?" I asked as I put my phone away and noticed he had more boxes on the floor.

"Um…yeah actually, if you don't mind, that would be great." He adjusted the box in his hands so he could hold it better and lightly kicked one on the floor with his foot. "Could you grab that empty one?"

"Sure." I had no idea what he was doing with all of these boxes but I never minded helping out. Besides, it would help kill time before Alex got back. "What is all this for, anyway?"

"I need to clear some stuff out. Bring that box this way," he instructed and I followed him into a random bedroom. I assumed it was his. There were more boxes on the floor. Drawers and closets were open and the place looked like a mess. I looked around.

"Are all these Alex's mom's?" I asked curiously and he sighed, setting the box down.

"Yeah. After that court hearing and everything was settled I just want her stuff out of here. Anything that's not mine gets thrown into a box." I remember Alex and her family going to court. I had to come to because she called me that night and I was the one who sent Justin over. Alex was granted a restraining order for when her mom gets out which, apparently, wasn't that far into the future. "Here," he said, handing me something from the top shelf of the closet. "There's a bunch of crap up here and I need help sifting through it. If something looks important just set it aside."

"Important?"

"Yeah you know, legal documents, finance stuff, things like that."

"Alright." I started looking through the boxes while Brian packed her belongings; shoes, clothes, and everything else. We went on like this for a while. Alex should be coming home soon and most of the stuff was cleared out. Brian handed me another box from the closet and flipped through the papers shoved into it until one in particular caught my eye. "Hey Brian, what is this?"

"What's what?" I held up an envelope; it was already opened but what made me notice it was the name it was addressed to.

"I don't know. It's Alex's."

"That was in with Theresa's things?" He asked and I handed the envelope to him. He studied it but still looked confused. "Beats me, I don't recognize the address. She's always keeping random shit in there and then forgetting about it so it's probably nothing important. And it's probably old anyway; you can just toss it." I nodded as he turned back to pick up a filled box and carry it out of the room. I sat on the floor with my legs crossed in front of the box the envelope came from.

There was no name in the return address, just some random numbers. I looked at it a bit longer before my curiosity got the best of me and I took the paper out of it. It was folded into thirds and was handwritten. My eyes scanned the page briefly, not really reading what it says because it was really none of my business but my eyes widened when I saw the bottom of the page. I looked at the top and noticed the date and it was only a little less than a year ago.

I folded the paper and put it back in the envelope and folded that and shoved it into my back pocket. Brian came back in the room with a couple more empty boxes. We finished just as Alex came home who was beyond happy about her mom being out of her life permanently. I could see it was a little hard for Brian considering he did fall in love with the woman only to find out how horrible she really was.

Justin came over for dinner again although it wasn't as elaborate as last night's or Thanksgiving's. It was a simple dinner but everyone was enjoying themselves. It was certainly more relaxed for me than dinner at my own house. Alex kept a close eye on me the whole time but it didn't really make me feel uncomfortable. I know she's just worried after what happened yesterday so I made it a point to finish my plate for her sake.

After dinner and helping Brian clear the table Alex and I went out onto the terrace. It was still snowing outside but we didn't bother with our coats. She had a red hoodie on and she lazily put on her boots not bothering to tie them before going out the sliding door. I followed her and leaned against the door frame just watching her look up at the sky.

"You know, if it wasn't me talking, I'd say you were the prettiest girl in town," I told her and she turned around, a smile playing on her lips.

"Well…why don't _you_ say it?" she asked and I walked over to her and slung my arm around her.

"Well, I don't know, maybe I will say it." She laughed a bit before shaking her head and resting it on my shoulder. "How old are you anyway?" I asked and this time she laughed louder and hit my free arm.

"I knew you liked that movie too."

"I never said I didn't." The snow was still coming down, not as hard as before but it was pretty chilly out. I hugged her closer to me so she wouldn't be cold. "I'm glad we got to spend Christmas together…well…most of it, anyway."

"I'm sorry, I know I'm always working but I promise I'll be able to spend more time with you once the holidays are over," she said, wrapping her arms around my waist.

"It's okay, I know you're trying to balance everything. And besides, we still had a nice time tonight."

"True…who would have thought we'd have a nicer time with my family than with yours? Well I guess ever since my mom's been out of the picture being here has gotten a lot easier…and a lot more enjoyable too."

"Yeah and a plus side to being here…" I trailed off as I moved my hands to either side of her face. "…Is I can kiss you without worrying about someone seeing." She smiled but just before I could close the gap between us she pulled back a little.

"Wait…" She reached into her hoodie pocket and took something out of it. "Just to be festive…" she said as she revealed a small, leafy plant, holding it over our heads and I couldn't help but laugh.

"Babe, you do know that's cilantro right?"

"Yes. What's your point?"

"I believe the holiday plant you were looking for is _mistletoe_." She rolled her eyes before dropping her arm to her side.

"_Mistletoe, cilantro_…same shit, different toilet. Besides, I hate mistletoe," she admitted and I raised an eyebrow at her.

"Who actually hates mistletoe?"

"Someone who has to listen to _nonstop_ Christmas music day in and day out at work. And we keep playing that dumb little shit, Justin Bieber's holiday album. I swear to God if I had to hear that stupid fucking song one more time I was going to start throwing people out of the window." At that I let out a loud laugh and brought my hands around her neck. "Shut up and just kiss me."

**Alex's POV**

"I don't know. I don't particularly like cilantro."

"Well…I don't particularly care," I said as I tossed the bunch of leaves, not caring where they ended up. I wrapped my arms around her waist and captured her lips in a passionate kiss. Although her skin was cold from the winter weather her mouth was warm against my own and it sent a heat throughout my entire body. It was like every time, even if it's quick or small, when I kiss her she puts everything she's got into it; love, conviction, happiness, promise, passion. I could never get tired of it.

"With you," she mumbled against my lips as she kept kissing me. "Shawty with you, with you." I realized she was singing and I immediately froze.

"Oh my God Mitchie, shut up, I beg of you." I could feel her laugh into the kiss as she continued.

"Under the mistletoe…" This time I pulled away from her completely and she was laughing audibly at my disgruntled expression. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry," she said before pulling me into a tight embrace. She placed a soft kiss on my cheek and I found myself smiling again. "Aye love," she sang into my ear and I sighed loudly as she continued laughing.

"Alright." I dropped my arms to below her waist and I wrapped them around her legs before lifting her up and over my shoulder. "Off the terrace you go," I told her as I walked us over to the ledge and she screamed even though she was still giggling away.

"Wait, baby, no! I was kidding I hate that song too!" she shouted with her arms secured tightly around my neck to make sure she doesn't fall. As if I'd actually let her fall. I set her back down and she smacked my arm.

"You look like you're afraid to be standing out here with me now," I said and she crossed her arms over her chest and pouted. "Like I'd really throw you off of a balcony, Mitch."

"You're lucky I think the view is pretty or I'd go back inside," she retorted and a thought crossed my mind.

"Come with me." I went to open the door to go back in the house and she followed behind me.

"Where?"

"Just come, I want to show you something." I was freezing at this point and I could tell she was too. "Get your coat this time."

"Wait," she said as she grabbed my hand and stopped me. "Can I give you another part of your gift?" she asked with an adorable smile. I wanted to give her mine but I wanted to wait until we left and were alone. But I couldn't say no to that face.

"If you want." She went to grab a gift bag that was sitting under her hanging coat. I don't know how I didn't notice it was there.

"Open it," she ordered happily as she handed it to me. I usually hated when people would watch me open their gifts. But I moved the tissue paper aside and smiled.

"Mitch, you're the best!" I exclaimed, engulfing her in a hug.

"Well I figured you might as well open that now; if we're going outside again then you should probably wear something that doesn't look like you stole it from a homeless person."

"Oh my God, thank you, I seriously needed this," I told her honestly as I took the brand new black leather jacket out of the bag completely. "I've been meaning to buy one but never got around to it."

"I told you that you needed new clothes." I love how closely she pays attention.

"I love it," I said, giving her a kiss before slipping my arms through the sleeves and zipping the front. "Thank you."

"You're welcome."

"Come on, I still want to show you something." She took her coat off the hook and put it on before I grabbed one of my textbooks from a nearby table. Then I took her hand and led her to the door. "We'll be right back guys!" I shouted to my brothers and stepdad in the house before leaving.

"Where are we going?"

"You'll see." Still holding her hand, I went up the stairs of my apartment. It was a few flights we had to go up but we finally couldn't go any further when we reached a door. I pushed the bar to open it and wedged the textbook in so it wouldn't lock behind us.

"I thought people weren't allowed on the roof," she said as I took her hand again and we walked out further. The entire roof was covered in snow. Our footprints were the only things ruining it.

"Technically we're not but I was curious one day and when I tried to come up here nothing happened. I thought there would be an alarm or something but I guess my apartment just doesn't give a shit."

"That's dangerous."

"Oh well it works out in my favor." We stepped up on the slightly raised portion of the roof and walked over to the other side. "This is what I wanted to show you," I told her as I motioned in front of us. We weren't directly on the edge but we were pretty close to it. I kept her hand in mine and I squeezed it lightly as she took in the sight in front of her.

"Oh my God," she breathed out. From here we were high enough to see everything; the lights of houses and buildings and their Christmas decorations, the snow covered trees, and even the distant view of the city skyline. "I didn't even know you could see Manhattan from here."

"I didn't either. You can't from the third floor but once you can see over the trees and other buildings…there it is."

"This is beautiful," she said, mesmerized by the view. I just looked at her. The flakes of snow decorating her hair and coat practically shimmered under the moonlight. The sight of the most beautiful girl in the world in front of the snowy, lit up backdrop of New York in Christmastime took my breath away. And I was sure. My own view was far more perfect.

"The view's got nothing on you." She turned around, her shy smile stuck in place. And her cheeks had the faintest tint of red in them and I knew it wasn't just from the cold. "All the lights in the world could never compare."

"You're the sweetest person I have ever met in my life."

"Well…I try." She wrapped her arms around me in another warm embrace and I closed my eyes, just breathing her in.

"You succeed." We stayed like that for another moment or so before I pulled back slightly.

"I want to give you your present now," I told her and her face lit up like a child on…well…on Christmas. "But you have to wait here."

"What?"

"Wait here, I'll be right back."

"Why didn't you just bring it up here in the first place?"

"Because I didn't wrap it and I wanted to keep it a secret until I gave it to you. Now wait here."

"Okay, fine." I turned on my heel and quickly headed back inside. I descended down the stairs until I made it back to my house and headed straight for my brother's room. I didn't want to risk Mitchie finding it in mine so I hid it in Max's. Once I got it I left again and bounded up the stairs to the roof. When I made it back outside I went over to where I left Mitchie. She was sitting on the edge of the raised part of the roof near one of the vents. "Close your eyes," I instructed before I came into her line of sight.

"Why?" she whined and I chuckled a bit. She really was like a kid sometimes.

"Just do it!"

"Okay, okay." She covered her eyes with her hands so I would believe she actually wasn't looking and I walked in front of her.

"Okay…you can open them." She did as I told and her eyes immediately shifted down to what I was holding and her face fell and her jaw dropped just a little. "Merry Christmas, Mitchie." She looked back up at me and then back down again. She tried to say something but no words came out. "Do you like it? I know it's not the same as the one you had before but I-"

"I love it," she whispered and I held it out for her to take. She let out a breath as she took it in her hands and looked back up at me. "I can't believe you got this for me."

"Well I know how much it meant to you and I wanted you to have it again." I took a seat next to her and watched as she ran her fingers over the frets of the black acoustic guitar. She had this awestruck look on her face and I took it as a good sign. "I may not be an expert on guitars but Frank's cousin owns a music shop and he helped me pick it out."

"How much did this cost you? Alex, you didn't have to spend so much money on me."

"So? You bought me a leather jacket. And I'm not telling you." I knew real leather was expensive; it's probably why I put off buying a new one for such a long time. "Besides, Frank's cousin gave me a good deal. I've been saving up anyway. All those extra shifts at work paid off." Her head snapped back up towards me.

"_That's_ why you were always working?"

"I wanted to get you something you needed but I couldn't think of anything else. And I know you miss playing."

"This is amazing, Alex. Thank you…so much," she said quietly before pulling me and connecting our lips in a soft kiss.

"I'm glad you like it."

"Oh wait a minute. I almost forgot." She moved around a bit while still sitting and she pulled something out of her back pocket. She unfolded something and handed it to me.

"What is this?"

"Think of it as another Christmas present."

"Mitchie you didn't have to get me anything else."

"I didn't. It's not really from me. I'm just…the delivery person." I scrunched my eyebrows together not knowing what she was talking about but I looked at the paper in my hands. It was an envelope with my name on it but I didn't know who it was from. I opened it and started reading what was inside and my heart nearly stopped beating.

"Mitch…where did you get this?"

"When I was helping Brian clear your mom's stuff out today I found it in a box in her closet."

"Why would she have kept this?"

"I don't know. But Brian said she would always throw random stuff there and forget to throw it out." I looked back down at the paper and I felt like I couldn't breathe. "I didn't read it. I just opened it and saw who it was from." This couldn't be real. There was no way this was real. But I recognized the handwriting. And it was definitely his.

_Alex_

_Is your mom even giving you these? But then again you probably don't want to hear from me anyway. Justin told me you're not home anymore but I don't know what else to do. I hope you get this. I know I keep repeating myself in these letters but I can't apologize enough times. I didn't want things to get like this but I really have no choice now. I know I broke my promise before but when I get better I'm going to fix this. I just want you to be happy and safe. I hope you are. And I hope one day you can forgive me for all of this. I love you, Alex._

_Dad_

I stared at the paper as a single tear landed on the bottom corner of it. And I wondered when I had even started crying. I never thought I'd ever hear from him and Justin was right. He had been trying to reach me. And I knew it was him right away. I don't know anyone else who writes their A's like that. I wiped my eyes and looked back at Mitchie who was watching me curiously. I didn't say anything. I just dropped my head against her chest and cried.

It was a weird combination of emotions I was feeling. On one hand I was upset, devastated almost. Coming to terms with the fact that my dad never hated me and five years of my life were actually wasted hating him for something he never did was overwhelming. And my heart actually hurt. It clenched and constricted in my chest and I felt like my lungs were on fire.

On another hand, I was angry. Even when my mom is gone she still manages to infuriate me. She kept me from someone who loved and accepted me when I needed a parent. And even though I had Brian, and I couldn't ask for a better stepfather, I needed my real dad. I needed to hear him tell me that everything was okay, that my mother was wrong, and that he loves me no matter what.

And finally, I was so incredibly happy. After he passed away I thought he was gone forever. And although he technically was, this was like a piece of him I could keep. And knowing for sure that my dad was sorry and wanted to make things right made me feel like I could actually breathe again. He wanted me to be safe and happy. And I finally was.

"Are you okay?" Mitchie's voice pulled me away from my thoughts. Her hand lightly stroking my hair was lulling me into absolute serenity and I felt at ease once again. I nodded my head against her chest and breathed out a sigh.

"Yeah, I think I'm going to be okay," I assured her and she offered me a comforting smile. Everything about her was comforting. And I have never been more grateful for anything or anyone in my entire life.

"Good because I still have something else to give you," she said and I picked my head up to look at her again.

"Mitchie stop giving me things."

"Never." I laughed but she just kissed the side of my head. "I'll give you anything you want, babe."

"Anything?" I challenged and she nodded.

"Anything. Why? What do you want? You want the moon?" she asked and I laughed again, burying my face in her shoulder. I hated and _loved_ how her quoting my favorite movie reduced me to a pile of mush. "Just say the word and I'll throw a lasso around it and pull it down." _It's A Wonderful Life_ lines aside, I can't believe she still had more to give me.

"Mitchie, seriously, you didn't have to get me anything else."

"I know but I wanted to. Besides, everything else was just the opening acts. This is the main event." She dug through her coat pocket and pulled out a small box wrapped neatly in festive wrapping paper. "Merry Christmas, Alex." I took the box from her hands and started tearing the paper off until a saw a familiar logo on the front.

"Holy crap," I managed to say. "Are you serious? You got me a new iPod?" I looked at her and the box in my hand incredulously. I know the guitar set me back a bit but Jesus Christ.

"Well you ruined yours in the ocean and I know you need something to distract you from class," she said playfully and I breathed out a short laugh. She wasn't completely wrong though.

"You're seriously the best girlfriend in the whole world," I gushed as I pulled her into me by the back of her neck and pressed my lips onto hers.

"There's more-"

"Mitchie!"

"No seriously, turn it on and go in the library." I sighed and held down the power button until the home screen popped up and I went to the Music app.

"There's already a song on it…" It had no name; it was just called _Untitled Track 01_.

"I know…it's mine," she admitted and I looked at her again.

"Yours?"

"Yeah…I had the guitar part for such a long time. The beat was easy. I had it recorded on my laptop but I could never get the words right. And one day I realized none of my songs made any sense because I had no idea what I was writing about. Then another day…I realized that I was in love with you, and I couldn't write because I didn't want to admit it. But when I read every song I wrote…and thought of you…they all made sense to me. And it made me happy, not confused or frustrated," she said and took my hand in both of hers. "I love you Alex. And when I finally came to realize that, words just came easier to me. And I wrote this about you. Putting the song in your library was kind of a last minute thing. But when I finished saving it over the guitar recording I had from a while back, I wanted to surprise you with it."

"Mitch…" My breath kept hitching in my throat. I tried to compose myself long enough to speak. "You've never let me hear any of your songs…not the ones about me. I mean, you gave me your notebook of songs to read but…"

"This wasn't in it. It's new. Listen to it." I intertwined our fingers and kissed her knuckles.

"Play it for me?" I asked and she looked a little confused.

"What?" I reached over and with my free hand I grabbed the guitar I got her and placed it back in her hands.

"Play it for me." She looked down, her shy smile coming back, and looked back at me. She strummed a few random chords and then started tuning the guitar. I was always so fascinated when she would play. She could tune a guitar by ear in only a minute or two and it's like she didn't even have to think of the right chords to play or the right strings to pluck. The music would always just seem to flow right out of her.

"Well…I haven't played in a while. I haven't had a guitar since the beginning of spring when I…violently murdered mine in a fit of rage," she laughed and I put the iPod in the box and set it down next to me. I faced her and she strummed the guitar a few more times making sure it sounded right. "I'm a little rusty so just…go easy on me, okay?" she asked timidly and I didn't think it was possible for her to be bad at this…or anything at all for that matter.

"I'm sure you'll be great. You always are," I reassured her and she gave me one last smile before taking a deep breath and letting it out. Then her fingers started playing a soft and slow melody. It wasn't elaborate or intricate but the simplicity of the sound was absolutely beautiful. And then she opened her mouth and her lyrics filled the night air.

_I've been beaten down, I've been kicked around  
><em>_But she takes it all for me._

_And I lost my faith in my darkest days  
><em>_But she makes me want to believe_

_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_She is love, and she is all I need_

_She's all I need_

Her breath was visible in small white clouds in the biting cold with every word she sang. She looked down at the guitar, occasionally closing her eyes as the lyrics left her lips. And then she would look up at me and smile.

_Well I had my ways, they were all in vain  
><em>_And she waited patiently_

_It was all the same, all my pride and shame  
><em>_But she put me on my feet_

_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_She is love, and she is all I need_

'_Cause when that world slows down, dear  
><em>_And when those stars burn out here  
><em>_Oh, she'll be here, yes, she'll be here_

_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_They call her love, love, love, love, love  
><em>_They call her love, love, love, love, love_

_She is love, and she is all I need  
><em>_She is love, and she is all I need  
><em>_She is love, and she is all I need_

She repeated the last lines just as she stopped strumming and she took a moment before she looked back up at me. Her eyes shined despite the minimal lighting from the moon and I couldn't hold back the tear that rolled down my cheek.

"So…what'd you think?" she asked quietly, almost as if she was afraid to hear my answer. She set the guitar aside and I moved a little closer to her. My hands cupped the sides of her face, lightly grazing her hair, and I softly crashed our lips together. Her own hands moved to behind my back as her arms snaked around me.

"It was amazing."

"Really? You really liked it?"

"I loved it. It was the sweetest thing anyone's ever done for me. It was perfect," I said against her lips before kissing her again. I may have read her songs that were about me but hearing her sing one was like nothing I have ever felt before. My heartbeat sped up and I thought my hands were going to start shaking as her lips moved against mine. "And so are you," I told her as we pulled apart to finally breathe. "I love you."

"I love you too, Lex, you have no idea." She leaned her head on my shoulder and I put my arm around her and looked out over the edge of the rooftop, the city's lights still burning brightly in the distance. "And you really are the prettiest girl in town," she added and I could hear the smile in her voice. I leaned down and kissed her forehead, hugging her a little bit more tightly. She was the definition of perfection, I swear it.

"Still got nothing on you, Mitch. Nothing does."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Your Song by Elton John**


	30. Somebody That I Used To Know

**A/N 1: I feel like I always apologize for being slow. But...anyway...don't really have much to say. The story is ending soon. Hope you enjoy the new chapter although I'm not too thrilled about it. Sorry. I tried though. So I hope you like it anyway.**

**Review, yeah? YEAH.**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>30. Somebody That I Used To Know<p>

_You said that you could let it go  
><em>_And I wouldn't catch you hung up on somebody that you used to know  
><em>_But you didn't have to cut me off  
><em>_Make out like it never happened and that we were nothing_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

"Have a nice day."

"Thanks, you too. Oh, wait; do you know where Alex is?" I asked the middle aged man behind the pharmacy counter after he handed me my prescription. I haven't been able to hang out with her outside of school all that much and I just wanted to see her.

"She should be at the back register. That was the last place I saw her," he told me and I thanked him again as I started heading towards the back of the store. She said after the holidays she wouldn't be so busy but she is still always working. I know we technically can't hang out here since this is her job after all but I still wanted to say hi.

I didn't want to keep bringing it up, the fact that we hardly spend time together anymore. I don't want her to feel like I'm being clingy or something but I can't help but want to be with my girlfriend _sometimes_. We see each other at school and we'll hang out at each other's houses but we're almost never alone.

We've been together for almost three months and although it's been great I have been feeling so stressed lately. I try not to let it show so much because during the little time that we do get to spend together I don't want to ruin it by being so serious. But I can't say that everything's been so easy, only for me though. Aside from her working so much, we're fine. And when I'm with her I just want to forget everything else.

I made my way to the back and saw her next to a short girl with long black hair. She looked like she was maybe sixteen but I've never seen her before. She was ringing up a line of customers while Alex stood next to a large box. I wish she could just leave early or take a day off or…_something_. She looked up before I could even say anything and she noticed me immediately.

"Mitch!" she said excitedly with that bright smile of hers. She put down whatever she was holding and came out from behind the register and wrapped her arms around me. I don't care what mood I am in or how stressed out I am. Being in her arms makes everything go away, even if it's only for a little while. "What are you doing here? You didn't tell me you were coming."

"I know but I needed to come to the pharmacy and I thought I'd surprise you." She leaned in a little and connected our lips in a kiss. "And…I know you always take your lunch break at three so I wanted to come by and give you this," I told her and held out a brown paper bag. She looked at it with a confused face but took it anyway.

"What is this?"

"You always complain about how you're sick of Gino's but it's the only good place to eat around here so I brought you your favorite from the deli by our house." I watched her smile grow as she opened the bag. "Chicken cutlet, cheese, bacon, ranch dressing... and I already put the Flamin' Hot Cheetos on it for you. Oh and Arnold Palmer."

"Oh my God you're an angel," she gushed and I shook my head at her odd sandwich preferences. But I have known her long enough to learn all of her favorites. "You're the best girlfriend ever."

"And you're…such a weirdo," I laughed and she slapped my arm. "I don't know how you eat all this crap."

"You tend to try a lot of things when you're high, even if I haven't been high in a while, because you think everything tastes good. And sometimes they actually do." It seems weird to think of how much Alex has changed this past year. I never minded when she would smoke with Frank or something but she hasn't wanted to for some time now.

"Well I still think you're weird."

"Well I still think you're wonderful."

"So wonderful that you will _maybe_ leave work early?" I asked as I flashed a pleading smile at her. I know she can't but a girl can hope, right?

"Babe, you know I want to…but I can't." she said with a slight frown. "Besides, I don't even think I can actually go _out_ for my lunch break. I'm just going be stuck eating behind the register again."

"But _Alex_," I whined and held her hand in mine. "I miss you."

"I know and I miss you too but-" she started to say but I cut her off with another kiss but this one was a little deeper. When I pulled back her eyes were still closed before blinking a few times. "Wow."

"Are you _sure_ you can't take a break? I feel like every time I visit you can never take a break."

"I can ask John but I doubt it since we're so busy," she said, going back behind the counter, picking up a carton of cigarettes from the box and refilling the packs on the wall behind her. "But I'll try…because I really miss spending time with you…even if it'll only be for thirty minutes." She offered me a smile and I found myself smiling back at her. When things got like this I always remembered that she still tries.

"Okay."

"Alex!" A man's voice pulled our attention away from each other. "What are you doing?"

"Refilling the cigarettes…like you told me to do."

"Right, well finish those later. I need you on the register now," he told her and faced the shorter girl next to her. "Angela, I need you to help me and Chris in aisle seven." She nodded in agreement and started walking out from behind the counter.

"Wait, I was supposed to take my lunch break soon," she argued before the man could leave.

"I know. I'm sorry Alex, I'd let you go but I need you here. You can run out and get something but I need you back here." And with that he turned around and left, leaving a very annoyed Alex behind the register. She groaned and kicked the box next to her foot.

"God damn it!" she shouted and I put my hand on her shoulder to calm her down.

"It's okay," I tried telling her but she still looked pissed. I mean, I was too but there was obviously nothing we could do about it.

"No it's not Mitchie. I promise I'll make it up to you. I'll see if Kelly or someone can cover for me this weekend. This way we'll get more than thirty minutes."

"Don't worry; I know you're not doing it on purpose."

"I love you. You know that, right?" she asked almost bashfully and I thought it was so cute.

"Of course I do."

"Good, oh shit there's a line forming," she said once she noticed the customers waiting.

"Am I allowed to be back here?" I asked, not really sure if she could get in trouble for this…even though her manager saw me already.

"Yeah it's fine. John doesn't really care that you're here. I mean…_technically_ you're not supposed to be behind the register but…whatever."

"Whatever? I don't want you to get in trouble."

"I won't. No one even looks at the security cameras here. And no one's in the office anyway. John's the only manager here today and he's in aisle seven. He has more important things to do," she explained and I shrugged my shoulders and stood behind a display of two-a-pack pain relievers.

"Alright, if you say so, but you really need to relax." I leaned against the counter and ran my hand up and down her back as she rung up a few people. She did a pretty good job at talking to me while not ignoring her customers.

"I know," she said while putting things in a plastic bag and re-facing the woman in front of her. "Have a nice day. Next on line, please."

"You're cute when you're being all polite," I said randomly and she let out a small chuckle as she kept scanning more items.

"$22.49, will that be cash or credit?" I continued to rub her back mindlessly and she continued ringing people up. No one could even tell I was still standing here. My hand trailed along her lower back down to her side until I reached the waist of her jeans. And still, no one knew I was behind the counter. I could have fun with this.

**Alex's POV**

"Next." She wanted me to relax but I think she's helping me relax a little _too_ much. At first it was soothing but now her hands near my stomach and I have to remind myself that I'm at work and have customers standing in front of me who can easily see my reactions.

"What's your return policy?" the old woman on the other side of the counter asked me. I was having a hard time focusing with the way Mitchie kept touching me.

"U-Um…" I stuttered while trying to keep my breathing under control. Her fingers dipped past my jeans and slowly dragged across my pelvic bone and inched dangerously close to my crotch. "Thirty days. Just keep your receipt."

"Oh okay, thank you." My brain was melting. What the _hell_ is she doing?

"You're welcome, have a nice day." Her hand moved lower and lower until I had to actually bite my lip to stifle a moan building in my throat. I tried to move away but I couldn't really move from the register. I leaned forward so that her hand would be pressed between the counter and my body so she couldn't move it. But it only increased the pressure and the pleasure slowly spreading throughout my body was close to unbearable. "Next."

"You alright, kid?" A man, maybe in his late twenties, asked me. I clearly wasn't doing a good job at keeping everything under control.

"What? No, yeah, I'm fine." This was torture. I glanced over at Mitchie next to me and her lips were curved into a smirk and as much I wanted her to stop I couldn't deny that I thought it was _incredibly _hot. But she is _evil_. I got through the rest of the line but once her fingers started working against me over my underwear at an agonizingly slow pace I thought I was going to lose it. Once the last customer was gone and we were alone again I grabbed her wrist but she kept her hand where it was. "_What are you doing?_" I practically hissed at her.

"What?"

"Are you insane? I'm at _work_." I wasn't mad but the last thing I need is for someone to catch my girlfriend getting me off while I'm supposed to be ringing people up. What a way to get fired.

"_Relax_, no one can even see me here." The way she's talking…she's so enticing I can't handle it. "You even said no one's around to look at the cameras. And besides, from this angle it just looks like I'm standing next to you." She is an evil genius I swear to God.

"It doesn't matter." I can't believe her hand was still down my pants. I'm just glad I don't have customers at the moment. "Please?" I also can't believe I'm begging her to stop when I want her to continue more than anything.

"Fine," she said simply, retracting her hand, and I nearly let out a whimper at the loss of contact between us. "Is there anywhere in the store that isn't watched by cameras?" she whispered in my ear, causing a shiver to run down my spine.

"Well…the bathroom I guess but what…" I trailed off when I noticed that she wasn't standing next to me anymore. My eyes followed her retreating form and my jaw nearly dropped when I saw her walk towards the restroom. Is she serious? I looked around. I still had no customers but I couldn't leave the register unattended. But I couldn't pass up this opportunity. "Frank!" I yelled the second I saw him walk past one of the aisles in front of me.

"What?"

"I need to pee. Can you stay here and watch the register for me?"

"The fuck out of here, I'm not a cashier."

"Frank, _please_, just two minutes," I pleaded and he sighed and thankfully nodded his head.

"Alright fine…bitch. Hurry back."

"Thank you!" I said and took off in the direction of the bathroom but stopped when I reached the door. Do I just walk in? Should I knock? She was hinting that I should go after her, right? My thoughts were interrupted when the door opened and I was yanked inside in a split second. "Whoa, Mitch, what-"

"Shh, no talking. Someone might hear you," she said as she pressed her finger to my lips. She replaced her finger with her own lips and kissed me fiercely. I tried to put my arms around her but she pinned my wrists above my head. She reached to the side and locked the door before coming right back in and kissing me again.

I was hoping to be able to hang out with her today but making out with her in the bathroom was an interesting turn of events. She leaned in closer until there was absolutely no space left in between our bodies. And when she tore her lips away from mine and reattached them to my neck I couldn't stop the noises I knew I was going to start making.

She sucked and bit at my skin and I squeezed my eyes shut. I thought I was going to collapse. Her hands dropped to hold my hips. I was still against the wall but when I tried to move forward Mitchie just pushed me back against it. Her being in control honestly turned me on so much but I had no idea what has gotten into her. But I am loving it.

She groped my waist a little tighter and I thought I was going to lose it. I _thought_ I was…until she lowered herself onto her knees and held my thighs. _Now_ I was going to lose it. All the air left my lungs and all the blood just rushed away from my face. The building ache in the pit of my stomach spread to between my legs and I felt like I was going to start shaking just by looking at her.

Her hands ran up and down my thighs and gripped my hips once again before inching towards the button of my jeans. She undid it and, at a glacial pace, pressed her face closer to my crotch and gripped the zipper between her teeth and pulled it down. She kept looking up at me the whole time and I nearly came without her even touching me again because I cannot begin to describe how sexy that was.

"_Fuck_ Mitch, you're killing me," I practically groaned out and I heard her giggle against my crotch. Once the zipper was down she slowly tugged my jeans down to my ankles. I felt my knees buckle as she lifted my shirt slightly and kissed my stomach, inch by inch getting closer to my underwear.

"_Someone_ is anxious," she said as she skipped over it completely and kissed my inner thigh. She lightly ran her hand between my legs,_ barely_ touching me, feeling just how anxious I was. "I've barely been here for ten minutes."

"Honestly, you did this to me in a matter of seconds." She kissed her way back up to my waist again. "God, I've missed you," I breathed out. I hadn't been…_close_ with her…in a while. The last time we had a chance to be intimate with one another was a couple weeks ago. We're never alone.

"I've missed you too," she mumbled against me and I let another moan slip out. This was _so_ amazing but…_so_ weird. This is entirely unlike her.

"I can't believe we're doing this here." Her fingers curled around the edge of my underwear but didn't pull them.

"I know, me neither…" She leaned in closer and pressed her lips against me, kissing me through the fabric. My legs were about to give out. "…because we're not," she finished and grabbed my jeans and pulled them back up to my hips and stood back up. What the actual fuck?

"Wait…what?" She smiled and kissed my lips softly but briefly. When she pulled back I still had the most confused look on my face.

"We're not going to have sex," she said simply, still smiling, and I probably looked like I was on the verge of tears.

"Mitchie…_please_," I literally begged. But I didn't care at this point. I thought I was going to explode. "I need you. You can't just stop like that."

"Well maybe next time you'll think twice before teasing me in front of my parents," she quipped and I stood there with my jaw hanging open…again.

"_What!_"

"And this bathroom is kind of gross." Well considering this was the customer bathroom she had a point but still…what the fuck?

"Are you serious? That was like…three months ago!"

"I told you I'd get back at you for that…and that you would never see it coming."

"Are…you…shitting me?" I asked her slowly and she was _still_ smiling at me.

"Nope."

"_Mitchieeeeeeeeee_," I whined dramatically. I don't care if I'm all hot and bothered with my pants still unzipped and unbuttoned. I will stay this way until she continues. She just giggled adorably and shook her head. I thought I was going to start twitching. "You're the devil," I groaned out as she went to unlock the door.

"I thought I was an angel," she laughed, turning back to face me.

"Devil," I corrected and she pouted. I narrowed my eyes at her even though that pout made me melt.

"Well that's a little harsh. I mean…maybe we could have continued this later."

"Liar."

"Alex."

"_Satan_."

"Oh don't be so dramatic babe."

"Don't _babe_ me. First of all, I could have gotten fired if someone saw that little show you put on out there and…it's not funny!" I said when she couldn't stop herself from laughing.

"It was kind of funny."

"You're killing me, Mitch. You are actually killing me. Like, I think I'm going to die."

"You should probably see someone about that."

"Well I _thought_ you would help but apparently that's not happening," I told her as I fixed my jeans and crossed my arms.

"Then do it yourself. And you should probably hurry before they start wondering where you are," she retorted and walked out of the bathroom with that smile still on her face. I just stood there, staring at her incredulously, not knowing what to do or say.

"Mitchie! Get back here!" She just kept walking. "You're the devil!" I yelled after her and I could just faintly hear her giggling as she made her way out of the store. I looked at myself in the mirror once just to check that I looked presentable and I went back to the register where Frank was still standing.

"What the fuck took you so long? You know we sell stuff for constipation by the pharmacy, right?"

"Shut up, Frank. I'm not in the mood." Well…that's ironic.

"I just saw Mitch walk out of here; did you guys get in a fight or something?" he asked, only slightly concerned and I sighed.

"Not exactly."

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I know I was just messing with Alex before but I really did feel kind of bad. And I really did wish we could have continued. But we were in the bathroom at her job and she was supposed to be working. But I miss her a lot. It was funny but I admit it was a little cruel of me. She didn't look like she was seriously mad at me though, just frustrated. I rang the doorbell to her apartment and Brian answered.

"Hey Mitchie," he greeted happily and let me in. After my little visit I went home to finish my homework so I could hang out with her when she got out. It was already after eight.

"Hey Brian, how was your day?"

"Not bad, work was a nightmare. How was yours?"

"Mine was…interesting," I said not wanting to go into detail.

"Well Alex is in her room."

"Thanks." I made my way over to her door only to find that it was closed. When I opened it I found Alex lying face down on her bed, still in her clothes and shoes. She clearly didn't do much since she got home. I stifled my laughter and closed the door behind me before walking over to her.

"Brian, I said I don't feel good," she whined into her pillow in a groggy voice and I raised my eyebrow even though she couldn't see it.

"Not Brian…guess again." She just barely turned her head to the side.

"Mitch?"

"Correct," I said and hopped on her bed, kneeling next to her. "What's the matter?"

"I'm just really tired. Work got really busy after you left. Thank you for the sandwich though."

"You're welcome…think of it as an early apology for teasing you after," I told her, trying not to laugh but failing.

"Ugh…bitch," she mumbled but I could hear the smile in her voice. "Do you have any idea how uncomfortable I was for the rest of the day?"

"I can only imagine. Now what's this I hear about you not feeling well?" I asked, a little worried and she sighed loudly into her pillow.

"I'm tired. My back is killing me. And I just feel really weird. I don't know. I thought it was my period because I kept getting these cramps but that's impossible because my period just ended a few days ago." I leaned forward a bit and placed my hand on her forehead.

"You're actually a little warm. Are you getting a fever?"

"I don't know; it's possible."

"Maybe you're just exhausted from working so much," I offered as I swung a leg over her and straddled her lower back. "You know…you _could_, I don't know, _work less_?" She hummed in response and I ran my hands up and down her back, like I had earlier today.

"I'm trying. I spoke to John before I punched out today."

"About what?"

"About not working on Saturday. Kelly said she'd work for me so we can spend the day together."

"Aw really?"

"Mhm, I told you I would ask and oh my God what are you doing?" she asked when I applied more pressure on her back. "I swear on all that is holy if you're teasing me again I-"

"Don't worry I'm not," I assured her as I chuckled lowly.

"Are you sure? Because this feels fucking fantastic."

"Yes I'm sure. You said your back is killing you so I thought I'd help. I mean, it's the least I could do after…well…you know." I kneaded my thumbs below her shoulder blades and she groaned quietly in satisfaction.

"When the hell did you get so good at this? And why haven't I known about it until now?"

"I don't know. I didn't think I would be because my hands are so small."

"What? They're not small."

"Yes they are. I have little baby dwarf hands because I'm so short." She laughed loudly although it was muffled by her pillow.

"Small or not, they do wonders."

"Was that meant to be dirty?"

"Only if you want it to be," she said, turning over slightly and winking at me. I leaned forward and bent down a little to place a kiss on her cheek before continuing what I was doing before. She hummed softly as I moved down to her lower back. "My girlfriend gives amazing back massages; I hit the fucking jackpot," she said to no one in particular and I found myself giggling at her praise.

"Damn right you did."

"I don't even care if you're conceited about it; I'm in heaven right now," she said before letting out a string of moans that would sound extremely questionable to anyone who didn't know what was going on in here.

"Alex, stop making your sex noises. I don't need Brian hearing you and thinking we're going at it while he's home," I told her and she laughed loudly.

"Yeah, okay, like he'd believe a good girl like you would do such a thing."

"Good girl, huh?" I mused out loud as I stopped my movements. I slowly inched my hands underneath her stomach and dragged them down to the hem of her jeans.

"Mitchie, don't start what you can't finish," she warned but I kept moving my hand down.

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're writing a check that that hand of yours I know for a fact will not cash." I stopped what I what I was doing but didn't pull my hands back. "Mitch, I will rip that hand off and slap you with it," she threatened but she sounded so tired and desperate I couldn't help but laugh. I finally moved my hands to her back again and I heard her breathe a sigh into the mattress.

"Don't worry I'm not going to _torture _you again. But I don't know, maybe my hand will cash that check."

"My dad's home," she mumbled, too lost in bliss to speak all that coherently.

"I know…but you don't have work tomorrow, right?"

"Mhm."

"Well…no one is going to be at my house until seven…and I don't have to see the guidance counselor after school…I thought _maybe_ you could come over so I could…cash that check. And then we can go out to dinner because we haven't been on an actual date in a while."

"You know, normally people go on their dates and _then_ have sex."

"Well we're not normal and after school is the only time I have an open house so…take it or leave it." She turned over completely with me still straddling her except now I was on her waist.

"Well will you be there?" she asked, quirking an eyebrow

"Yeah, I might stop by," I said, humoring her and offering a smile. She leaned up and kissed my lips.

"Then I'll take it. Are you staying for dinner tonight? Brian ordered pizza."

"I would love to but I ate before I came here."

"What did you eat?" She's been doing this a lot lately. It's not overbearing. If it was I would have called her out on it by now. I know she's just concerned though. I felt bad because I know I haven't been…okay…lately. But I didn't have the heart to tell her that. I didn't like lying to her either though.

"Pasta." She looked at me and I don't know if she believed me or not. "I didn't finish it but I had most of it," I told her honestly. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay babe. I'm just glad you're working on it."

"Thanks. You know, having a girlfriend like you helps." She sat up and slid her arms around my waist while mine found their way behind her neck.

"Well I'm happy to help, Mitch."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

* * *

><p>The last few days have been going good for me and Alex. We had our date after school and it actually went really well. It was nice to finally just go out and be alone together. She said she was going to talk to her manager about permanently taking off Saturdays. She's so exhausted honestly the last thing she needs is to work on the weekends.<p>

We were in my room getting ready for school because she slept over the other night. She was going through a drawer that I cleared out for her a while ago. When she used to live here I gave her half the dresser and closet. But she's here so often now I figured she might as well leave her stuff here. She pulled out a random pair of jeans but struggled to actually get them on.

"Jesus Christ, why don't my clothes fit? How much weight have I gained?"

"What are you talking about? You haven't gained any weight." She was nuts if she thought she was getting fat. Hypocritical of me to say, but she's not fucked in the mind like I am.

"I definitely did. I'm not surprised considering all I eat now is like…pizza and candy thanks to my job." She yanked the pants up her legs after some trouble but couldn't get them to button. I didn't know why. I mean, she didn't look any different.

"Alex you're being ridiculous…" I told her as she stood back up from the bed where she was squirming around trying to button the jeans. I took a good look at them. "And those are _my_ jeans." She stopped moving and looked down to examine them.

"They are?"

"Yeah, that tear in the knee is from when I fell one time; they didn't come like that."

"Oh…well, no offense Mitch but I really don't understand how you ever believed you're fat when you buy your clothes from freakin' Baby Gap," she said, finally getting the button to close.

"I do _not_ buy my clothes from Baby Gap. Well…those jeans are actually from Abercrombie Kids so…"

"Are you serious?"

"What? I told you I'm short; most jeans are too long."

"Mitch…you're nuts."

"Why are you even still wearing them if they're too tight?"

"Because it would take _a lot_ more effort to take them back off," she said in a somewhat tired voice and I laughed at how lazy she could be.

"Well for what it's worth your ass looks really good in them."

"Bless these jeans…too bad I can't get them off. So I guess they're mine now."

"Keep 'em if you want; that's an old pair anyway. I don't think I fit in them anymore," I said a little awkwardly. I remember those jeans; I bought them almost two years ago when my eating disorder was starting to get too serious to hide. The fact that I fit into children's jeans should have been a warning sign that I was losing too much weight but I couldn't stop myself.

"Mitch, stop. You're skinnier than I am." Her voice had a certain kind of sternness in it that I don't usually hear from her. Well, I only hear it when she's talking to me about my problems. "Stop thinking about it."

"I know, I know," I brushed it off but I know it's still sitting in the back of my mind inching closer to the front with every passing minute. "I'm sorry."

"It's fine; I just don't want you to-"

"I know." I wanted to drop the subject. I hated it when our conversation would turn to this. She seemed like she understood I was done talking about it and she sat down to put her shoes on. I went into my closet to find a cardigan or hoodie to wear when I heard a phone go off. "Was that mine or yours?"

"Yours…you got a text message."

"From who?" I asked, too busy searching through all my clothes to go back out and check it myself. I grabbed a sweater off of a hanger and slipped my arms through it as I walked back into my room. Alex was still sitting on my bed, my phone next to her, and she had this weird blank look on her face. I didn't know what to make of it. "Alex?" I said, hoping to snap her out of her trance. She looked back up at me.

"Zach texted you," she finally informed me and I could only guess that's why she looked like that. Just hearing her say his name felt weird and she looked genuinely uncomfortable. This was starting to get awkward. I took my phone and read the message displayed on the screen.

_Text Message From: Zach  
><em>_I miss you_

"Oh." I didn't really know what else to say. It's not like I saw this coming.

"I thought you didn't talk to him anymore," she said, not looking at me again. I sighed and shook my head. This was one conversation I _never_ wanted to have. I would rather go back to talking about my eating disorder.

"I don't," I said and that wasn't even a lie. I knew she wasn't going to be completely convinced, especially after seeing a message like that. She didn't say anything. "He's just still all butt hurt and pissed because my dad fired him. And now he's just being whiny again."

"He fired him?"

"Yeah because I told him about what happened…well not _everything_…but…you know."

"Oh." And it was silent again. I didn't like this. We've been so good, too good for it to be ruined by a stupid text message that I would most likely not even respond to.

"Read my text messages," I blurted out randomly and she looked at me weirdly.

"What? Why?"

"Oh come on, isn't this what everyone secretly wants to get away with? You get to read your girlfriend's messages without her getting pissed at you for _invading her privacy_." I held my phone out to her but she just looked at it. "Please, just read them."

"Fine." She sighed and took it from me, slowly scrolling through the conversation. I had nothing to hide from her. Zach has been bothering me for months because I don't want to talk to him. And I have barely said anything to him every time he tries to talk to me. Our entire text conversation is literally just him talking to himself. The only thing I occasionally answer is some variation of _don't talk to me, leave me alone, _or _I don't care_.

"I told you I don't talk to him. He just won't shut up about it."

"I believe you," she said but I could still hear that weirdness in her voice. I think she really did believe me but there was something going on in her mind. I just couldn't tell what it was.

"You do?" I asked and she didn't say anything; she just nodded her head.

"Come on, we're going to be late for school." I had a feeling this wasn't entirely over with.

* * *

><p>The day dragged on forever. Alex was still being weird with me. She hardly said anything to me during lunch and in calculus. She wasn't ignoring me but it was close enough; she might as well just ignore me. I don't know <em>why<em> she would though. She has no reason to. I showed her the one-sided conversations and she said she believed me.

I didn't want to argue about it though so I figured I'd just let her be for now, you know, give her space or something. I don't fucking know but if this continues I'm not going to apologize for it. I was at my locker at the end of the day switching my books out and taking what I need to bring with me for homework. I usually meet up with Alex but seeing as how we've barely spoken all day I assumed that wasn't happening now.

"Mitchie." I heard my name being called but I groaned out loud because it wasn't coming from who I wanted to see right now. In fact, this was the _last_ person I wanted to see right now.

"What do you want, Zach?" I asked sounding more bored than ever. I didn't look at him; I just kept rummaging through my stuff in my locker.

"You didn't answer me."

"Yeah, I usually don't."

"God, would you stop this already? How many times do I have to apologize? I said I was sorry like a million times."

"I don't want to hear an apology, alright? Whatever, apology accepted. Happy? I just don't fucking care."

"That's bullshit and you know it. We've been best friends since kindergarten. But that obviously means nothing to you."

"It did. But as I've said, _like a million times_, you ruined that when you didn't back off." I have done a good job at avoiding these talks with him. I usually walk away or just don't respond and he gives up and tries again some other time. But I was pissed because Alex and I are kind of off now because of this crap.

"We were both drunk and didn't know what we were doing. We both made a mistake. Why is this only my fault?"

"Because I said no!"

"I couldn't understand you! You were just mumbling and I was shitfaced! Stop being a hypocrite," he said somewhat angrily and I was just confused. And he was pissing me off.

"How the hell am I a hypocrite?"

"You keep telling me to let this go and get over it and leave you alone. What about you and Alex?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You hurt her just like I hurt you. You love her and wanted nothing more than to be back in her life. And look, she forgave you. Why can't you forgive me?" he asked and I wanted to slap him. But I couldn't. I just stood there. I didn't even know what to say.

"It is _not_ the same."

"Mitchie, I'm sorry. You didn't have to make me lose my job by telling your dad I don't even know what."

"I didn't _ask_ him to fire you! He just wanted to know why we never hang out anymore."

"Whatever, and the only reason I keep trying to talk to you is because I love you and I care about you."

"If you really did you wouldn't have tried to come between me and my girlfriend. Didn't we have enough problems? You knew how I felt about her; why would you think I would want to do anything to ruin that?"

"You would have done the same thing."

"No I wouldn't have. In case you didn't know, I had to watch Alex be with someone else and be happy for her _because_ I love her. Why are we even talking about this? We've had the same fucking conversation over and over. It happened almost a year ago. I just don't care," I said harshly and slammed my locker shut, prepared to walk away. I turned around but he grabbed my wrist to keep me in place.

"Mitch, stop."

"I'm not doing this, Zach. Let me go."

"No, not until you talk to me."

"I don't want to."

"Mitch-"

"She said she doesn't want to." We both turned our heads to the source of the voice and saw Alex. Her face and voice were both even and leveled. I found it odd considering the weirdness between us. Well I guess this would constitute as weird too.

"This is none of your business," Zach told her before I could say anything and I shot him a glare. Even if Alex and I were at each other's throats I wasn't going to let him talk to her like that.

"This is entirely her business so she can stay right here," I said, not feeling the need to hide this conversation from her. If anything, this is probably what she should hear; me telling him to leave me alone. "And besides, I could have sworn I told you that I didn't even want to talk so bye."

"You're being ridiculous." He kept his hold on me and I could see Alex's eyes fix on my arm.

"No I'm not." I tried to walk away but he kept me where I was.

"Yes you are."

"Hey," Alex cut in as she put her hand on my arm gently. "Just back off." But he just looked annoyed.

"Stay out of this Alex."

"Oh my God why am I even still standing here?" I said even though I could bet no one would even listen to me at this point.

"Don't do this Mitch; we were best friends." I didn't say anything again. Maybe if I stopped responding I could actually get out of here.

"Come on Zach, let go." Her voice was so calm. She didn't look mad or anything. Then again, I was always the one with the short temper. She was always the one that avoided confrontation. But it was so bizarre. I feel like if I was her I would be pissed right now at the whole situation. But she was just…calm. And he actually let me go.

"Fine…I'm sorry," he said, giving up on this conversation. He looked at the two of us a moment longer and walked away. Alex's hand was still on my arm but unlike Zach her touch was welcoming, comforting.

"Are you okay?" she asked me after a while of just standing there.

"Yeah, I just…want to go home." I pulled my arm back from her and readjusted my bag strap on my shoulder.

"You miss him…don't you?" she asked out of nowhere and I froze before I could even start walking. "Is that why you didn't tell me?"

"What?" I turned to look at her but her expression never changed. How was she still so calm? Alex is never like this. She would usually get upset or something or give me attitude for it before I could even defend myself. "No I don't."

"But…you guys were so close for such a long time. I'm just saying…if you wanted him back in your life…I wouldn't hold it against you," she admitted and I was just stunned speechless. What the _hell_ was going on with her?

"Alex, I cut him out of my life the second he decided that being selfish and coming between us was more important than our friendship." I couldn't believe we were even having this discussion. "I don't miss him." I know I sounded unconvincing and like I was just in denial but I was actually telling her the truth. "Can we please stop talking about this?" I nearly begged and she let out a quiet sigh.

"Okay, fine. I have to go anyway."

"Wait, you're busy again?"

"I'll call you later, I promise," she said before turning around and walking away. I just stood there watching her leave.

"Alex," I called after her but she just kept walking. I groaned in frustration and kicked the row of lockers. This was absolute bullshit.

* * *

><p>Whatever the hell that has been going on between us the past couple of days is starting to take its toll on me. I don't even know <em>what's<em> going on between us. She talks to me but there's just something going on with her and I have no idea what it is. She seemed fine with the whole Zach thing which I found just plain weird but she's so…off. It's like she's not all there.

When we're together it's like her mind is always somewhere else. And I just wish we could go back to the way we were because I need her. I felt myself slipping all month long and I thought I was going to fall soon. Everything has just been happening one after the other and I feel like I can't even get a second to breathe. Usually when I feel like this Alex is always there to help me through it but she obviously has other things going on.

The stress has been eating me alive on top of everything else going on in my life; school, college, always having to hide my relationship from my parents, and the constant struggle with my eating disorder always creeping back up on me. And with Alex _practically_ ignoring me I couldn't take it.

I sat back against my heels and took a deep breath. The cold floor felt like ice against my legs. I gripped the edge of the toilet seat in front of me. Each breath I took was shakier than the last. She hadn't said much when I spoke to her over the phone tonight. And I was feeling weaker than ever. I didn't know what I had done for everything to get like this but I hated it.

I felt sick in the pit of my stomach from the anticipation. All I had to do was lean forward. I had done it so many times before. My hands trembled and my eyes stung. But I seriously felt like I _needed_ this. And that scared me. I kept my eyes squeezed shut and my headache increased. And I wondered exactly when I had let everything go downhill.

**Alex's POV**

I knew I needed to see her. I could call but that's probably what she expects from me now. I needed to talk to her face to face. I haven't been fair, I know that. But in the past few days I had some time to think things over. I felt bad. I told her everything was okay. Everything _was_ okay. But I knew I wasn't acting like it. I didn't want her to think that I was mad or something. I didn't want anything going on between us to cause us any problems.

I expertly made my way up her fire escape and up to the fourth floor where her bedroom window was and thankfully it was already open. I crawled through it only to find that she wasn't in her bedroom. I looked around; the light was on, her stuff was here. Then I heard something coming from her bathroom. The light there was on too and I walked over to it. And I heard it again. Mitchie was definitely in there.

I stopped in front of the door and listened. There were tears; I could hear them through the loud coughs. And then it stopped. And I wondered how long she has even been in there. What if I had come here earlier? I sat on the floor and lied back against the wall, my legs outstretched, waiting for her. I heard nothing else but the door didn't open. And it honestly worried me.

But before I could get up to check on her she came out. I probably should have picked a different place to sit because she didn't see me and stepped directly on my crotch causing her to trip and fall forward. She hit the ground while still sort of on top of me and I had to hold back from shouting in pain.

"Oh my God, Alex what the hell are you doing here?" she asked, finally pushing herself off of the floor…and me.

"I think you broke my vagina," I gasped out. She wasn't heavy…like, at all. But putting all of her weight on me hurt so badly.

"I'm so sorry. Are you okay?" She sounded worried but I stood up to show her that I was fine, for the most part anyway.

"Yeah, don't worry. At least I'm not a guy or we'd have a serious problem."

"When did you even get here?" she said a little more timidly. And I knew why.

"Like… a minute ago." She looked down and kept quiet before walking over to her bed and sitting down. I followed her. "Mitchie…what happened?"

"I…" she tried to speak but nothing came out. I sat next to her and held her hand. Honestly, this might have been the most contact we've had in a while. "I didn't do it."

"Really?"

"I didn't…but I wanted to," she said, the shame in her voice nearly broke my heart. "I was going to do it again." A tear rolled down her cheek but she was quick to get rid of it.

"Have you relapsed?" I asked her straight up but was afraid of the answer. Even before the last few days I could see a change in her. And I didn't want it to be true; I didn't want to not know all along.

"Not recently, I swear. But…it has happened…like…a couple months ago."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Because I thought I had it under control. I tried to tell you but…we were so happy. I didn't want to ruin it," she said sadly and I brought my hand up to softly touch her cheek.

"Mitchie, talking about it isn't going to ruin anything. You _know_ I'm always here for you."

"Are you though?" I swallowed a lump in my throat and I knew she was right to question me. And I hated that she had to. I sighed and fell back against her bed, running my hand through my hair. She moved to lie down next to me. "Where have you been, Alex?"

"I've been here."

"I know but…where have you been?" I stayed quiet for a while, trying to figure out everything I needed to say. And then I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding.

"I don't want to do this anymore, Mitch," I whispered, afraid my voice was going to break. She let go of my hand and turned her head to look at me. Through the corner of my eye I could see the hurt and fear.

"Do what?"

"I love you."

"I…love you too but…what's going on with you lately?"

"I'm sorry. I know I've been weird. It's just…I'm so…_confused_."

"About what?"

"About everything…ever since I saw that text message."

"Alex, I keep telling you that-"

"No, I know, really I do." I sighed again and she turned over on her side to face me completely.

"Then what is it?"

"It's just…I don't want to fight about it. I believe you. But I feel like you're holding back. And I know we put all that behind us. So just tell me the truth. I promise I'm not going to be mad at you."

"I don't miss him, Alex. That's the truth. But…I guess…" she trailed off and tried to collect her thoughts. "I guess I just miss who he used to be. He changed. And maybe I would feel differently but he isn't giving me a choice. He keeps saying he misses me and loves me and cares about me and wants to be back in my life but he has done nothing but bug me through texts and occasionally stopped me in the halls about it. And it pisses me off. Because I used to care about him…a lot. He was like my brother. And now it's like he's a completely different person. And I'm…I'm almost mad at myself…for not missing him. Like, how can I not miss someone that used to mean so much to me? But he doesn't anymore. After everything I just…hated him." I knew there was more to it than she was telling me before. And I knew it was bothering her.

"Don't be mad at yourself. It's not your fault, Mitch. There's nothing you can do about that. And it's not like I'm going to force you to try and fix it and I'm not going to force you to never speak to him."

"Really?" She looked genuinely confused and even a little shocked.

"I hated him for a really long time too. And I'm not going to lie, I still do. But I just don't care about him. And over the last few days I've been thinking about all of this. I thought it bothered me…the whole text thing and him trying to be back in your life. But I realized that it shouldn't. Because it's so stupid. And I don't want to fight with you about something like this, something that doesn't even matter. I always used to get mad over stupid bullshit like this. I've done and said things because I had wanted to hurt you just because I was mad. And I hated that. Do you get what I'm talking about?"

"Kind of…I thought it was weird that you were so calm about everything. It was just so…unlike you."

"I know. I just don't want us to be like that this time Mitch."

"I don't either."

"And I'm sorry that I let this get in the way when I should have been there for you when you needed me the most," I told her and I felt her wrap an arm around my waist as she moved her head to rest against my chest.

"I forgive you." I brought my arm around her and held her close to me. "And I'm sorry I wasn't completely honest with you about Zach still trying to talk to me…and…my relapse." I looked down at her and felt a swell of emotions inside of me. We were definitely missing this last time. We couldn't have civilized conversations about serious things that were bothering us. I was stubborn and irrational and she was so secretive.

"I forgive you," I said too. "As long as you're okay."

"I am now…for the most part," she admitted and I didn't need her to elaborate. "Are _we_ okay?" she asked hopefully. I rested my head against hers and took a deep breath. Just breathing in her scent seemed to ease my nerves and put me at ease. And I knew even if we had things to work on, we were going to be okay.

"Don't worry Mitch," I mumbled into her hair before kissing the top of her head. I knew I played a part in our downfall the first time around. I'm not letting stupid bullshit get in between us again. We needed to clear the air completely and focus on each other. Because I know she needs me. And I love her too much to just throw everything away over things that don't even matter anymore. "We're good."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Somebody That I Used To Know by Gotye (Ft. Kimbra)**


	31. Motivation

**A/N 1: I don't know how often I can update, school's kind of ridiculous and I'm like failing everything. I may or may not put this on hold until the semester is over but we'll see. Next up is a two-parter so look out for that. Sorry again for the quality of the chapter, it's sort of filler-ish but...eh.**

**HOPE YOU LIKE IT ANYWAY.**

**There's only 5 more chapters I believe. After that I got a whole bunch of story ideas so look out for those too.**

**So...read and enjoy...drop a review and let me know what you think as always.**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject. I mean, I tend to babble about a whole lotta nothing most of the time but...you should just follow me anyway lol.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>31. Motivation<p>

_What's the difference of never knowing at all?  
><em>_When every step I take is always too small  
><em>_Maybe it's just something I can't admit  
><em>_But lately, I feel like I don't give a shit._

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

Her skin was hot against mine, practically burning, as her hands gripped my back. I could feel her heavy breathing on my shoulder. Her chest heaved against mine. My head was clouded and I tried to get my own breathing under control. I sat up and held onto her and laid her next to me. Our labored breaths were in sync. And I leaned in to press my lips against hers once again.

She kissed me back lazily as her heart rate slowed back to normal as did mine. She smiled into it and brought her arms around my waist before pulling away. Her face was flushed and her bottom lip was slightly swollen. But she was beautiful. She let me go but grabbed my hand and intertwined our fingers together.

"You know what I love doing?" she asked randomly with a thoughtful look on her face.

"Um…what we just did?" She giggled and held my hand a little tighter.

"No."

"No?"

"That's not what I meant," she said with light shove.

"Then what?" I asked her, now curious.

"This…" She gestured to our joined hands before kissing them.

"What? Holding my hand?" She nodded her head and I raised one of my eyebrows at her. "So…" I trailed off as I moved closer to her. "Do you like holding my hand more than this?" I brought up the hand that wasn't in hers up to the side of her face and reconnected our lips.

"No…but it's up there. But then again I love anything that has to do with you."

"Well aren't you sweet." I kissed her on her forehead and she closed her eyes and cuddled into me more. "…And apparently tired. Really, Alex?"

"I can't help it," she mumbled and small chuckle fell from my lips.

"Oh I'm sorry I put you to sleep. I didn't realize me being naked bores you," I joked and she reopened her eyes to look at me.

"You don't bore me. You wear me out."

"I mean, if this is too much _rigorous activity_ for you then I guess we could just not-"

"No! Mitchie don't speak of such blasphemous things."

"Well if we're going to get religious then wouldn't our entire relationship be blasphemy?"

"According to the fictional Jesus book of all things make believe, yes. According to people and things that are real and actually matter, no."

"Really now?"

"I refuse to believe in anyone or anything that tries to tell me that you and I are wrong," she said seriously and turned over onto her side. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"You're beautiful," she told me out of the blue and I didn't even try to hide my blush.

"I don't get how you always know the perfect things to say. If I didn't know any better, I'd think you were trying to get in my pants…again."

"I figured it wouldn't be too hard considering you're not wearing any pants." She finally let go of my hand and held my waist instead. "And I'm just telling you the truth. You deserve to be told you're beautiful every day of your life." I smiled at her but just as I was about to kiss her again I heard something and pulled back from her abruptly. "What is it?" I shushed her and clamped my hand over her mouth as I listened carefully.

"Shh…I think…shit I think my dad's home," I said and her eyes widened slightly, my hand still muting her.

"Mitch?" I heard him call out into the house and I instantly started panicking.

"Fuck, get up," I told her quickly but she just looked at me like I was nuts. Obviously she didn't want to move any time soon.

"What?"

"_Get_ _up_." I didn't have time to talk about it though. I got out of my bed and she stood up right after.

"Mitch, are you home?" my dad asked again and I thought I was going to have a heart attack if he came in here looking for me.

"Bathroom," I whispered. I wouldn't care if he knew I was home or that Alex was here. But we're still completely undressed. And this is not how I want my dad to find out. I looked around the room but I don't think we could put our clothes on fast enough.

"What?" she repeated but I just took her hand and dragged her to the open door. She really needed to stop questioning me.

"Just go…and be quiet." I pretty much pushed her into the bathroom, tossing her clothes in after her, and I tried my hardest to get to my door. "Yeah Dad, I'm home," I shouted back but I heard the door knob turning. Without thinking I ran to it and slammed it shut before it could open more than half an inch.

"Um…everything alright?"

"Yeah I'm just…not dressed. I was about to take a shower." I glanced up at the hook hanging on my door and grabbed the towel off of it before wrapping it around myself. Once I was decent enough I opened the door again. My dad was standing there with a confused look on his face.

"I thought you said Alex was coming over." Damn it.

"She is…in a few minutes," I replied smoothly and he nodded his head, believing me.

"Oh, alright. Your mom's going to be a little late but she's picking up dinner on her way. I'll tell her Alex is here too."

"Sure, okay, whatever," I said in rush without really meaning to.

"What's the matter?"

"Nothing, it's just…cold in here."

"Gotcha. Okay, well I'll be inside watching the game, just wanted to see if you were home yet."

"Okay." I closed the door once he walked away and breathed out a huge sigh of relief. I went over to the bathroom where Alex was still stowed away and opened it to find her standing there with her arms crossed over her chest.

"What the hell?"

"I forgot to lock the door."

"So why couldn't you just lock the door?"

"I panicked!" I whisper yelled at her. "And keep your voice down. He doesn't know you're here."

"Yeah, I heard."

"Well what did you want me to do, Lex? Just let my dad walk in while we're _naked in my bed_?"

"No," she said as if it was ridiculous for me to even ask that.

"Are you mad at me or something?"

"No, of course not." She tilted her head and eyed me curiously. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine. Why?"

"I'm just worried about you is all. I feel like this whole secrecy thing is starting to be a bit much for you."

"I have it under control."

"You say that about a lot of things, Mitch."

"Well I do," I said, unintentionally snapping at her a little.

"Are we fighting?" she asked, now extremely confused. I let out another sigh.

"I don't know."

"Can we not? Because I don't know what we're even fighting about if we are."

"We're not. I'm just…stressed." I looked down for a while not wanting to meet her eyes because I knew she was looking at me with this intense gaze. After another moment or so I looked back up and I was right. "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"I don't know…all of this?"

"Mitchie, I told you this a million times. I'm not going to force you to come out to your parents. We can sneak around and hide it from them as long as you need. I just don't want you to stress yourself out so much over it. I'm worried about you."

"You don't have to be."

"You already have so much on your plate. You're so focused on school and worrying about college."

"Easy for you to say; you're not even _going_ to college." I didn't mean to bring that up. We had argued about it before…more than once. "I didn't mean it like that."

"Whatever; that's beside the point. It's just you've been working so hard to get better. And with the constant fear of your parents finding out about us I feel like you're going to crack soon. You need a break from all of this. It's not healthy."

"You're one to talk," I said, not really trying to sound bitter but I'm sure it came off that way. I don't know why I'm giving her attitude when she's only trying to help. "You're sick like every other day but you refuse to go see a doctor or quit your job. Don't you think I worry about you too?"

"I know you do Mitch. And I stopped working on the weekends." And I was so glad she did. I did want to spend more time with her but I mainly wanted her to work less because I couldn't stand to see her like that. I swear she is going to work herself to an early grave. She's always exhausted or in pain or something. Now she only works four days a week instead of six. But she's still a wreck.

"I know but…still. You're always the one afraid of people finding out."

"I was…I still am I guess. I mean, I'm out to pretty much everyone. My family knows, everyone at my job knows…the whole school knows. Look, I'm not telling you to tell your parents. I'm not mad at you for keeping this from them. I love you and I just want you to be happy. Okay? I don't like seeing you so stressed out," she said and I knew that there was nothing to argue over. I nodded my head, earning a smile from her.

"Okay…I love you too." She smiled even wider and pulled me in for a hug. At some point during my conversation with my dad she had put on her bra and underwear but I still only had a towel on. "Thank you…and I'm sorry…again."

"You have no reason to be, it's okay," she assured me with her hands still on my bare back. "Now…about this shower you're so supposed to be taking right now…" she trailed off in my ear before I pulled away from her embrace.

"Yeah, my dad's going to be suspicious if I don't actually do that." I locked the door before turning to turn the water on.

"So you're just going to chill here while the water runs?"

"No, I'm actually going to take a shower," I told her as I dropped my towel and watched as her eyes scanned my body. It still amazed me how she can openly stare at me and I can't seem to feel an ounce of insecurity. I get like that sometimes around her but she always made me feel good about myself. "I mean, I might as well."

"So how long do I have to hide in your room until your dad thinks I'm coming over?" she asked and I took her by the hand as I stepped under the water.

"I don't know…as long as it takes for us to…take a shower." She raised both of her eyebrows in slight shock, probably thinking she misunderstood me. I gave her hand a small tug. "You coming or what, it's really cold in here."

"Wait…seriously?"

"I mean, if you don't want to-"

"But your dad's home."

"I know; I'm just so wild and unpredictable," I said sarcastically and she rolled her eyes at me, but smiled nevertheless. "Make up your mind because I'm starting to freeze." At that she quickly removed the little clothing she had on.

"No, I'm coming I'm coming," she said in a rush as she stumbled into the shower with me.

"You are? Wow, I haven't even touched you yet. I must be better than I thought I was," I bragged jokingly and she slapped my arm.

"Oh well aren't you cocky. I'm just surprised considering you refuse to do anything even remotely sexual with other people around."

"Well the water's on so it's not like he'll hear anything…and he doesn't know you're here so I think we're good. Don't question it Alex, just embrace it before I change my mind."

"Oh I am, trust me. Now I can cross this off of my bucket list."

"What? You're eighteen, why the hell do you have a bucket list?"

"I don't know; Frank and I were stoned one day and we decided to make one. _Convince Mitchie to have sex with me when someone is home_ is on it."

"You're absolutely ridiculous," I laughed while shaking my head at her. "What else is on this list?"

"_Convince Mitchie to have sex with me in the shower_, so I guess I'm killing two birds with one stone right now." I laughed even louder. I should have known her list would mostly be things that are sexual if she wrote it when she was high.

"Any other things you need to convince me of?"

"Um…sex in my car…or yours."

"Are you serious?"

"And sex in a public place."

"I don't know what I'm going to do with you."

"Well for starters…you could have sex with me in my car…or a public place."

"I'm going to have sex with you in my shower while my dad is in the living room. Isn't that enough? What else do you want from me you horny pervert?"

"Nothing…I just want you," she said with a coy smile and put her arms around me. "I don't care where or when."

"Oh you really are the sweetest." I leaned into her and she gently pressed her lips onto mine. I loved how we could easily go from being happy to arguing right back to being happy. And that's all on her. I don't know what has happened to her because when we used to fight she would hold onto that and drag it out and it would last _forever_. But now I feel like it's easier for us to be on the same page. And I loved how we could get past things now without blowing up at each other. She pulled her lips away from mine and kissed my forehead.

"Only for you."

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

I couldn't breathe. It actually hurt to inhale and take air into my lungs. My chest was on fire and I thought my legs were going to either give out or just break. Every muscle in my body burned and I just wanted to collapse and pass out for the rest of my life. The most painful cramp took over my stomach and it took everything in me to not double over and throw up.

I could hear the footsteps behind me and in front of me. I didn't know if I was being watched but I just wanted to stop. I knew I would pay for it later but I couldn't take this anymore. I had a brain splitting headache; it felt like a knife was being pushed through my temple. I tried to force myself to keep going just a little bit longer but I couldn't.

Without even caring if someone saw me I slowed down my pace and practically stumbled off the track. The nearby bleachers were the only place I could go to hide. Once I was behind them I dropped to the floor and lied there flat on my back with my arm draped over my head. I don't know how long I stayed like that but I knew I would eventually get caught. And when I heard those footsteps again, now closer to me than before, I knew I was busted.

"Alex, what the hell?"

"Ah, crap." I opened one of my eyes to look at the short brunette standing over me. "You found me."

"Oh come on, you only have two more laps," she said and I groaned in both frustration and pain.

"Don't make me move, please. I can't get up."

"What's the matter with you lately? Phys Ed was always like, your best subject."

"I don't know, Lauren. I'm so out of it. I'm just in so much pain and I'm so tired. I can't handle gym class right now…or at all."

"Well Coach Wilson actually likes you; you're one of his favorite students. He's not going to let you fail but you need to not take naps during his class." I knew she had a point but I really didn't see how it was possible to even get back on my feet at the moment.

"I'm not taking a nap. I'm just…trying to breathe."

"Well hurry up and breathe because if he realizes you're not running with everyone else he's going to lose his shit. Everyone is already slacking in his class; he's getting pissed."

"I don't know if it would be worse if I was found here by Wilson or by…"

"Alex?" I heard my girlfriend's confused and slightly worried voice as I craned my neck to the other side to look at her.

"…Mitchie. Uh…hey," I said somewhat awkwardly as she just stared at me.

"What happened?"

"Um…I…fell?"

"Okay…so how did you magically get from the track to behind the bleachers then?"

"Lauren brought me here."

"What! Don't drag me into this," she said, lightly kicking me. "Fucking Snorlax over here is sleeping and can't move," she joked but I couldn't help but laugh.

"Fuck you, asshole." I finally sat up, with a little difficulty, and turned back to Mitchie. "I thought I was going to die so I'm hiding," I admitted sheepishly and she shook her head at me.

"You're nuts, Alex."

"I'm dying."

"No you're not. Now get up before Wilson finds you." Despite how tired and annoyed I was I knew she was right.

"Okay, okay…" I said, taking a deep breath and then sighing. "Help me up?" She laughed and bent down to grab my wrists and pull me to my feet. I felt so light headed I thought I was going to faint.

"Whoa, you okay?"

"Yeah…thanks. But do I seriously have to keep running?"

"Yes, you do." The three of us froze at the sound of a male's voice. We all turned to the end of the bleachers and saw Coach Wilson standing with his arms folded over his chest. "I hate to break up this little powwow but get your asses back to the track field. Russo, quit napping."

"Come on! When do I ever do badly in your class?" I had him as a gym teacher for the first two years of high school and now I had him again. He was a hard ass but a really cool guy too. I would always feel bad if I was slacking because I really am one of his favorite students. But I just can't run now.

"All semester long actually, now finish your laps. I need to speak with the whole class once everyone is done. And I mean _everyone_. So hop to it." I sighed and knew there was no point in arguing with him. "You too, Torres."

"What about Lauren?"

"She finished already."

"I beg of you don't make me finish running. I think I'm going to puke."

"For the love of God Alex, stop being lazy."

"I'm not being lazy!"

"What, are you having lady issues something?"

"…No."

"Then finish running." I groaned again all while Mitchie just stood there quietly, probably waiting for me to give in and just go back to the track already.

"Fine," I grumbled and reluctantly made my way back with Mitchie in tow.

"Come on, just push through the last two laps," she said as we picked up our pace and continued running. There were only a few people left that were still not done yet.

"If I'm alive by the end of this one…" The pain in my head subsided only slightly but the pain in my stomach was so bad. And my chest was constricting so much I thought I was going to suffocate.

"Try not to think about it," she said as we rounded the corner and started our final lap. "Just get through this one more and you're done."

"Why is he even making us run so much? He teaches this class like he's a drill sergeant."

"But you usually can handle his class. Are you sure you're okay, Alex?"

"I'm fine Mitch, stop worrying about it."

"I know you're always tired but you keep complaining about being nauseas now and your stomach hurting. I think you might be getting sick again."

"It comes and goes. It can't be anything serious. There's no reason for me to go to a doctor. I guess I'm just still not used to going to school _and_ work. I never really had a problem in the summer."

"If it gets worse can you _please_ go see one?" she asked and I realized I hadn't been paying attention to the pain I was in or the fact that I was even running at all. She was doing a good job at distracting me. Bless her.

"Fine, but it's only really bad right now because of all this damn running. The same thing happened freshman year when we had his class, remember? And I didn't even work then."

"Well…I guess you have a point."

"I always get sick Mitch; this is nothing new."

"I really think you should quit," she blurted out and I could tell she had been holding that back for a while. She didn't look like she really wanted to admit it but I knew she didn't like me working. And I also knew that it wasn't for selfish reasons; Mitchie isn't like that. Although I will admit that working a lot is limiting our time together.

"Mitch…"

"I know, I'm sorry. Just forget it."

"No, it's not that," I said but I was started to get extremely winded. We finally reached the end of the track again and we stopped and sat with the rest of the class while we waited for the last few people to join us. "Look, I know how you feel about this. And I promise that I'll try to take better care of myself." She looked back up at me after a moment and offered a small smile. The last thing I want is for her to be upset about this.

"Thank you." I leaned over and gave her a quick kiss on her cheek which was warm from running so much.

"Hey, break up the lesbian love fest," a random voice pulled us away from each other. We looked over and saw Brooke glaring at us with that stupid friend of hers, Alyssa or Amanda or something. "We're in school you homos."

"Like that stopped you from blowing a senior in the janitor's closet sophomore year," Mitchie bit back but I was really hoping she would just ignore her. She never could let it go when she would say something to her.

"Quiet down everyone!" Coach Wilson said to all of us once we were all sitting together. "Now I want to talk to all of you about how terrible you're all doing in this class." A few people mumbled something in protest but we all knew how bad we were doing. "A majority of you are practically failing. The highest grade in this class so far is a B- and that's not even that good." I knew that was Lauren. She plays pretty much every sport in school but senioritis is obviously catching up to all of us.

"Who has it?"

"None of your business, that's who," he said before looking at his clipboard. "The semester is already halfway over. And at this rate almost none of you are going to pass. Even with the simple exercises you guys keep slacking. So I'll make a deal with you."

"You're going to let us do yoga instead of vigorous workouts?" some random girl asked and a couple others laughed. Honestly, yoga would be a lot better for me than this class.

"Hell no. Now since you guys are slow as molasses and more than half of you can't even get along," he said, shooting a glare towards me, Mitchie, Brooke, and her friend. Some other girls didn't get along but everyone knew we had the most problems. It was just a really unfortunate class to be in. "We're going to have a game."

"What game?"

"The class would be split into two teams," he continued, ignoring the question. "And whoever wins will automatically pass this class with at least a B+. The rest will have to run laps after school to make up for their shit grade."

"What! That's not fair!" Brooke yelled but Wilson didn't look like he cared.

"I didn't say this was definitely going to happen but I'm offering the opportunity. Alright, show of hands, who's up for it?" he asked and some people thought it over before raising their hands. Brooke kept her hand down as did her friend. Lauren raised her hand but Mitchie and I just looked at each other. She shrugged and raised her hand. I swear to God if I lose and I have to run the rest of the semester I'm going to commit. I raised my hand too. "Alright, majority rules."

"So what game is it?" Lauren asked this time. He looked back to his clipboard.

"Well we'll vote again. Basketball?" Only a couple people raised their hands. I definitely didn't. I might be somewhat athletic but I can't play basketball to save my life right now. "Lacrosse?" Pretty much no one raised their hand. "Alright…soccer?" I think maybe half the class raised their hands but I kept mine at my side. When I saw Mitchie raise her hand I reached over and pulled it back down.

"No, there's no way I'm playing soccer Mitch," I told her with a shake of my head. I knew Mitchie didn't play sports much but soccer was something she was actually pretty good at.

"What? Why? You could win that."

"Too much running." She kept her hand down and Wilson kept reading.

"Volleyball?" Again, almost no one raised their hand. "Jesus, you girls are lazy. Just pick something. Alright, let's see…dodgeball?" I was going to keep my hand down but I figured I was pretty good at it and I wouldn't have to move around so much. I mean, dodgeball is just moving out of the way, not really running. And plus, if we were on opposite teams I could hit Brooke and not get in trouble for it. I finally raised my hand. I even reached over and grabbed Mitchie's hand and raised it for her.

"Really? Of all the games?" she said, laughing slightly.

"Yes now keep your hand up," I said back while Coach Wilson counted the hands.

"Okay…"

"Wow you guys must really want to hit each other," he laughed while shaking his head. "Now unless you girls want to play field hockey…" he trailed off and no one raised their hands. "No? Okay, then dodgeball it is. Everyone stand up. It's time to pick the teams."

"I swear to God if I'm on Brooke's team I'm going to nuke this entire school," I muttered quietly so only Mitchie could hear and she tried to stifle her laughter. I think Brooke heard me though because she shot me a death glare.

"Don't worry, I don't even want to be in the same locker room as you let alone be on your team."

"I think there's a gay joke in there somewhere," Mitchie said to me and I chuckled under my breath.

"It's okay; she's too stupid to notice."

"Break it up girls," Coach said before Brooke could retaliate. "Alright there's going to be a black team and a red team. The game's at the end of the week and since we meet during last period it's going to be at the end of the day. So we'll have the game instead of class. And obviously you will wear either your red or black gym shirt depending on what team you are. Any questions so far? What is it Brooke?"

"Do we get to make our own teams or are you doing it?"

"I am so that way it's fair. Black team, stand to my left, red team to my right. Alright? Just wait for your name." He started going through the class and there didn't seem to be any pattern he was going in. So I couldn't tell what the teams were going to be. I tuned him out until he got to my side of the group. "Russo…black team." I walked over to the rest of the girls on his left and looked at Mitchie who was still waiting. I wanted her to be on my team. The last thing I want to do is have to throw shit at her, even if it's for a game. "Stevens," he called out and I held my breath waiting to see where he would put Brooke. "…red team."

"Thank _God_," I said out loud without meaning to. No one seemed to care.

"Bite me, homo," she sneered before walking to Coach's right.

"Torres you're on the black team," he said and I could tell she was just as happy as I was. She came over to my side and I slung my arm over her shoulders.

"Now we _both_ get to hit Brooke," she joked but I was actually excited about this.

"We're not going to kill the girl Mitch. Just ignore her." I hated her too but Mitchie had a tendency to never let things go when it came to her. And she also had a tendency to lose her temper and get a little aggressive and…violent.

"I won't if she doesn't shut her mouth."

"I'm serious."

"So am I."

"Mitch…"

"Ugh, fine," she agreed reluctantly as Coach finished assigning teams. Lauren ended up on the black team as well and I really think we could have a shot at winning. But I knew Mitchie was still a little pissed that I didn't want her to do anything about Brooke bothering us.

"Alright, you guys can head out early today. Pick up the slack tomorrow though," he said and let us all go back to the locker rooms. My locker was next to Mitchie's and unfortunately across from Brooke's.

"You know it's your fault Coach is pissed at us right?" Brooke said to me as we headed downstairs.

"I'm not the only one who's doing badly in this class."

"But you're the laziest one. And I don't think it's fair that we're all going to get punished for it if we lose on Friday. Just because you can't even pass the easiest class in school doesn't mean we have to suffer too."

"Your grade is probably just as low as mine so why don't you shut up."

"Why don't you stop staring at everyone changing in here every day; it's making us uncomfortable." Every time she just _had_ to say something about me being gay; as if I would ever look at her or anyone else when I had my girlfriend.

"Do you want to die, Brooke?" Mitchie threatened even though I literally just got through telling her to let it go.

"What are you going to do?"

"Calm down, Mitch. Let's just go," I told her.

"Yeah, calm down, butch." I grabbed her by the wrist just as her jaw clenched and she started moving towards the cheerleader.

"Mitch, let's go," I said again and she yanked her arm out of my grasp and we left the locker room together.

"I don't get why you won't let me do anything about her," she grumbled as we exited the building and walked to my car. "You wouldn't let me do anything last year either."

"Well last year you beat her face with a textbook. If you fought her again you'd get suspended. I'm sorry that I'm just looking out for you. I don't want you to get in trouble over that girl."

"But you don't even say anything."

"Because it's not worth it. She only ever bothers us when we feed into her insults. If we ignore her she'll eventually get bored and leave us alone again."

"No, you're right. I'll just let her keep insulting me. It seems to be working for you," she said and crossed her arms after buckling her seatbelt.

"Alright, so you're mad at me," I mused out loud while keeping my eyes on the road. She didn't say anything and just looked out the window. Yeah, she was definitely mad at me. "Great."

* * *

><p>The week passed in a blur. Mitchie didn't stay too mad for too long. I know she's still upset but what was I supposed to do? This was ridiculous; just because Brooke loves starting shit with us. And she does it because she knows she can always get a rise out of Mitchie. But no matter how many times I try to tell her that she still loses control around her.<p>

I apologized to her because I know why it's bothering her; it's not that I don't want _her_ to do anything about it but rather _I _won't do anything about it. Believe me; I can't stand it when Brooke messes with her. But I don't want any of us to get into a fight. Mr. Laritate was so pissed at us last year that I know if we got in trouble again it would be a thousand times worse.

"I got my letter of acceptance from Queens College today," Mitchie said randomly in our calculus class. After the new semester started our math class remained the same so now we had that and gym together one after the other.

"You did? That's great Mitch." This was the third letter she has gotten back. All of them were positive so far and I was extremely proud of her. But then again I knew she was going to get into any college she wanted. "Any idea where you're going yet?"

"I mean…there's still a few more I'm waiting on but…I don't know where I really want to go. I applied to one more here in Queens, a couple out in Long Island, some in Manhattan…" We've talked about this before. I knew all the ones she applied to but we never really discussed where it was she actually wanted to go the most. "And there's BU...and there's also Northeastern…"

"In Boston, right?"

"Yeah…but I don't know if I really want to go there."

"Why not?"

"It's just…they're kind of far from here," she said and I sighed before turning in my chair to face her.

"Look Mitch, just because I'm not going to college doesn't mean you have to stay here. I don't want to hold you back. I want you to go to the best college and I want you to go wherever you want."

"But I don't want to be away from you." She looked at me with sad eyes before looking down at her desk again.

"You shouldn't restrict yourself. If you get into a good college I want you go; I don't care how far it is."

"Really, you wouldn't care if I went to school like, across the country?"

"Of course I'm going to care. I don't want to hold you back though. I'll support you no matter what you decide. I'm still going to want to be with you. We'll find a way to work it out."

"It's just…I was really hoping we could spend next year in college…together. I don't get why you're just giving up."

"Please can we not have this conversation again Mitch? I already get this enough from Brian. He's pissed about me not going too."

"What are you even going to do? Work full time as a cashier?"

"No…I just…I'm not cut out for college. I'm not good enough."

"Yes you are Alex. I've told you this a million times. You have potential you just don't give yourself enough credit and then you give up. And I've offered to help you."

"I know Mitch. But that's the difference between you and me. You don't even need help. Not everyone is just so effortlessly good at school."

"You can be if you just tried. I know you can do it."

"But I can't, okay? So can we please drop it? Besides, it's too late to do anything about it now. The deadline for applications was in December. We'll figure something out next year and if it really means a lot to you I'll try again and apply for the spring semester."

"Really?"

"Yeah but I just need a break right now."

"Well you wouldn't if you weren't working yourself so hard all the time with your job."

"Here we go again," I groaned as the bell rang signaling the end of the period. We gathered our things and headed out to make our way to the locker rooms.

"Look I know you think I'm just nagging you all the time but-"

"I don't think you're nagging me; you're just worried. But you don't have to be. I'm fine. I just need to get used to it."

"It's been months and you're still not used to it though."

"Well, I guess this is just another thing I can't handle, right?" I said with a little bit of an attitude and immediately regretted it.

"What? That's not what I meant."

"I know, I know. Sorry I didn't mean for it to come out like that."

"Why can't you just admit that this taking a toll on you?"

"Well why can't you admit that all this is taking a toll on _you_?"

"What are you talking about?" she asked as we started opening our gym lockers. We had kept our things here so after the game we could go straight home. We just had to bring our bags up to the gym so we wouldn't have to come back here, mainly so we won't have to deal with Brooke.

"I'm talking about…this…_everything_; college, your…_you know_," I said quietly while gesturing towards her, indicating her eating disorder. "And our relationship."

"Our relationship isn't stressing me out."

"I meant hiding it."

"I don't _want_ to hide it; I'm just nervous, okay?"

"Okay, I'm not pushing you and I'm sorry if you felt like I was. I'm just saying it's okay to be overwhelmed by all of it. It's okay if you don't have everything under control, Mitch. You can talk to me about it, you know." She sighed and took out her gym clothes and sneakers to change into.

"I know I can. I just feel like no matter what I do it's never enough."

"What do you mean?"

"Like no matter how hard I try I still have all this shit to deal with. I'm so sick of it."

"So stop worrying about it and whatever happens, happens. You already applied so all you have to do is wait. Worrying about it isn't going to change anything. As for your parents…only you can know when it's the right time to tell them." I took out my own clothes, pulling out my black gym shirt to go with my black shorts. "Wait…where the hell are my sneakers?" I said once I noticed they were missing.

"They're not in there?"

"No. I never took them out. What the fuck."

"What's the matter guys; lost your strap on?" Brooke asked with a smirk from across our lockers. We turned to her and I just _knew_ she had something to do with this.

"I'm about to lose my foot in your ass," Mitchie said angrily, taking a threatening step towards the brunette and her friend. I grabbed her arm and pulled her back.

"Brooke what did you do with my shoes?"

"I don't know what you're talking about. Why would I go anywhere near your stuff?"

"Because I know you got a bad habit of breaking into people's lockers," I told her, remembering last year when she broke into Mitchie's and filled it with condoms.

"I wouldn't waste my time taking your things," she said before closing her locker and leaving with that dumb smirk still on her face.

"Fuck, I can't stand her," I shouted slamming my locker shut.

"Well hey at least you wore your Converses instead of your boots today. Can't you just wear those?"

"These are so worn out; on the gym floor I'll just stumble and slip every ten seconds."

"Fine then just switch with me," she suggested. "I'll wear your Converses, you take my gym shoes."

"Are you sure?"

"Yeah, you're better than I am anyway; you need it more than I do." I didn't have time to think about it for long. We had to go back up and start the game.

"Okay, thanks." She took her Nikes off and I took off my own sneakers and we traded before heading to the gym. Everyone was standing on their respective sides of the gym already in their teams and we walked over to everyone wearing black shirts. Coach Wilson briefly went over the rules and our team agreed on who would go back in if anyone caught a ball. I was nervous but I think we could do this.

"Alright, let's have a clean match. Start when I blow the whistle." We all got ready and when he blew his whistle everyone started moving. Everyone was doing a pretty good job at dodging; no one was really getting out. A ball rolled near my foot and before it could touch me I picked it up and threw it towards a girl's leg on the other side, finally getting the first person out.

"Alex, I'm surprised you're so good at this game considering how much you hate balls," Brooke shouted while ducking quickly to avoid getting hit. "I thought Mitchie would be better…considering how much she loves them." I turned and saw Mitchie glare at her already annoyed. But I didn't say anything. I just kept my focus on the game.

"Don't listen to her," I said quietly to Mitchie as I moved to the other side of the floor to get out of the way. "Come on, let's just win this and be done with it okay?" She didn't say anything and moved aside as a ball flew towards us but I caught it, eliminating one of their players.

"Whatever." We continued playing, Brooke throwing in her comments every now and then.

"You're looking a little tired there, Mitch," she said and Mitchie just rolled her eyes. "Is it hard carrying all that weight around the gym?" I know I told her to ignore her but that had to have hurt her, even if she won't show it. And I was losing my patience.

"Not as hard as it must be carrying all those STDs," Mitchie bit back, throwing a ball towards her. Unfortunately she ducked out of the way.

"Girls, take it easy or you're out," Coach said but I could tell that he thought it was funny. Truth be told, I really don't think he likes Brooke either.

"Mitch relax," I told her but she was still pissed.

"Oh God forbid I stick up for myself, Alex."

"She won't stop if you keep letting what she says get to you."

"Why isn't it getting to you? Or do you really not care that she keeps insulting me?"

"Of course I care but-" I started to say but stopped to avoid getting hit. "You're overreacting."

"I can't get upset without being a psycho? Oh right maybe I forgot to take my meds today."

"I didn't say that Mitch. Can we not do this here?" Everyone was focused on the game but it's not like they couldn't hear us.

"Fine."

"Can you not get mad at me over this for once? I just don't want to start something."

"I said fine; we'll talk about it later."

"I'm sorry-"

"Hey, Portia and Ellen, can you put this lovers' quarrel on hold so we can win this game?" Lauren asked before her arm got hit with a dodgeball. "Damn it!"

"Crap, there goes our best player." There weren't that many girls left on either team. But I didn't want Mitchie to be mad at me so I went over to her again to where she moved. "Mitch-"

"Don't, okay? You're right, so let's drop it." She turned to dodge a ball but because of my Converses she was wearing she slipped a little and ended up getting hit in the knee. "Fuck. Alex, I'm buying you new Converses. These should have been thrown out years ago," she said with a hint of a laugh in her voice. Maybe she wasn't _that_ mad at me. Her anxiety could just be acting up. It's been happening a lot ever since she started taking a lower dose. But I would never point that out.

"Sorry babe."

"Hey Mitch get your fat ass off the floor, you're out!" Brooke shouted from across the gym and Mitchie balled her hands into fists, her anger almost completely boiling over. She turned to say something but Brooke chucked a ball her way and hit her in the nose.

"What the fuck Brooke!" she yelled bringing her hand to hold it. Coach Wilson blew his whistle to pause the game.

"I didn't even hit you that hard. God, cry me a river, Scarface," she said to Mitchie and that was it for her. She's self conscious enough about the way she looks with her weight and all but she _hated _that scar. And since her hair was up right now it was more visible than normal. I wrapped my arms around her waist before she could attack her.

"I'm going to fucking kill you!"

"Torres, settle down. Stevens, you're out," Coach said, breaking up the impending brawl.

"What! Why?"

"You can't hit someone who's already out."

"Oh come on that's not fair."

"Please complain some more, Brooke," he said sarcastically, fed up with the cheerleader and she made her way to the side with other players.

"Are you okay Mitch?" I asked her worriedly.

"Yeah I think so. Am I bleeding?"

"No I think you're good," I told her and lightly kissed her nose, earning a smile from her. "And I'm sorry."

"It's fine," she said and it sounded like she actually meant that this time.

"Alright girls let's get back to the game. Mitchie, here's an icepack," Coach said, returning from his office and handing it to her.

"Thanks." He blew his whistle and we started playing again. There were only two other girls on my team and only two people in total on theirs. I could hear Brooke and Mitchie on the sidelines bickering away and I was close to losing it. I know I just wanted us to ignore her to avoid a fight because I just can't afford to get in trouble for that again. But she was asking for it. A girl on my team got hit right before a girl on the other team caught a ball. And just like that I was alone. And to top it all off…Brooke came back into the game.

"Well fuck," I said to no one. I didn't think I could win one against three. I picked up a ball off the floor and used it to hit away the ones that came toward me. Once they were unarmed I threw it, getting one of them out.

"You know if it wasn't for your whale of a girlfriend you might have already won this game by now," Brooke said bitterly, definitely trying to get under my skin. And I knew Mitchie heard it. She just knows exactly what to say to make it hurt.

"Shut the fuck up Brooke," I said loudly, not able to contain my own anger anymore. I threw a dodgeball to the other side, getting the other girl out, leaving just me and Brooke.

"What? It's not my fault the dyke is both a whore _and_ fat." I ducked and grabbed a ball near my foot before sprinting towards the line dividing the sides. With all my strength I hurled it toward her and hit her directly in the face, so hard that it sent her to the ground. Everyone just stared in shock that I actually hit her but no one said anything. Brooke clutched her cheek with her hands as she stood back up after shouting in pain.

"Holy shit," I heard Mitchie say, breaking the silence.

"Alex you bitch!" Brooke yelled at me but I didn't even flinch.

"Next time just keep your fucking mouth shut." Everyone came back onto the court to see what would happen. Mitchie appeared by my side.

"What happened to letting things go?" she teased, nudging me in the side with her elbow.

"Yeah well I could only play Gandhi for so long," I said as I wrapped an arm around her. Meanwhile, Brooke was still complaining and whining about the large red mark forming on her face. "God, would you shut up already?"

"Fuck you!"

"Girls settle down! The hit counts, black team wins," he announced and I thought my heart stopped. My whole team cheered and Lauren and another girl even grabbed my legs to lift me in victory. It was short lived because I was going to start freaking out from being lifted but when I was settled back down onto the floor Mitchie hugged me tightly.

"What! How did that count! I hit Mitchie and I get out but Alex hits me and she wins? This is going to leave a bruise."

"For fucks sake Brooke get a grip. It was a dodgeball not a cinder block," he said and we held back our laughter. I knew Coach didn't like her.

"Don't worry she's fine. She's used to having balls in her face," I said and a bunch of others laughed too this time.

"Black team, since you guys won you can continue being the slackers that you are. Red team, go take a lap on the track," he ordered and they all groaned and headed outside. "Class dismissed, everyone else can go home."

"Oh my God I can't believe I won," I said to Mitchie while everyone else went downstairs.

"I can't believe you hit Brooke in the face. And here I thought you didn't care that she keeps insulting me."

"Mitchie, you know I care. I just don't want you to get in trouble or get all worked up over her. It'll just add more stress and you don't need that right now." I kept my arm around her as we walked to retrieve our things from the bleachers. I swung both our bags over my shoulder.

"I know; you're right. I just can't stand her. She makes me so mad."

"I know she does. And I know it seems like I don't care but Mitch, I always care. And regardless of what I believe; nobody messes with my woman," I said before picking her up bridal style in my arms. She laughed and nearly screamed in surprise and wound her arms around my neck tightly. "I wasn't going to let her get away with it."

"Oh my hero," she gushed dramatically, planting a kiss on my cheek. "I'm sorry for being pissed at you before. I guess I am a psycho." She pouted and I quickly pecked her lips.

"No you're not. And don't worry about it. You had a point. I probably would have done the same thing."

"That's because you're stubborn," she said pointedly and I shrugged before setting her back down as we left the school.

"Maybe a little. But so are you."

"Yeah I guess you're right…about that and about me being too stressed. I've been thinking about it. And I think I need to come out to my parents."

"What? Are you sure? I don't want you to do that just because I think you're too stressed."

"No Alex, I seriously think it's time. I feel like I'm pushing my luck hiding it now. I feel like they're going to find out at any second. And for _once_ I want to come out on my own terms. I never had a say in it before and I finally want to come out to someone because I want to not because someone else said it."

"Okay, you know I support whatever you decide to do."

"I know, and I love you for it."

"I love you too. And I'm _so _glad I don't have to worry about gym anymore. Now there's one less thing to wear me out," I said, shaking my head. She leaned into me and brought her lips to my ear.

"Well come over tonight…maybe there will be _one_ _more_ thing to wear you out," she whispered suggestively, sending shivers throughout my body. She placed a lingering kiss on my ear and I thought my legs were going to start trembling. I loved the way this girl made me feel. And to think we were arguing just a few short minutes earlier.

"Have I ever told you you're the best girlfriend ever?"

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Yeah, I feel like I'm all over the place now but I'm trying to bring this story to the end already. but review anyway? okay.**

**A/N 3: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Motivation by Sum 41**


	32. All The Things She Said Part I

**A/N 1: here's part 1, part 2 will probably take a while since school is ending and I need to get my shit together. So yeah...I hope you like this one.'**

**Only 4 more chapters until the end! Then I'm going to start writing a bunch of new stories so there's that.**

**Read and enjoy**

**AND REVIEW! I like knowing what you guys think AND I'M 5 AWAY FROM 300 ASKLDFHALDK WUT**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>32. All The Things She Said Part I<p>

_When they stop and stare it don't worry me  
><em>_'Cause I'm feeling for her what she's feeling for me  
><em>_I can try to pretend, I can try to forget  
><em>_But it's driving me mad, going out of my head_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

There weren't that many months left in the school year, maybe only two or so. Seniors always end their classes a month earlier than everyone else. But with all the stress that's been eating away at me it feels like forever. I just want to get through this school year and be done with it. Funny, I was saying the same thing last year around this time.

I just don't know what Alex and I are going to do about next year. I know she said we'll figure it out and make it work no matter where I go but I really don't think I can be so far away. It's not even just her. I would feel weird being away from my parents for such a long time. But most importantly I didn't want to be away from Alex.

If we can't spend that much time together now imagine how it would be when I go to school somewhere else. I was _hoping_ she would have at least wanted to try a little harder so we could be together next year but at least she was willing to compromise. If the fall semester with us being apart is just too hard then she would try for the spring semester.

And speaking of compromise, we have been doing _a lot_ of that lately. After our little arguments we keep having, and I admit I start almost all of them, we finally decided to do something about it. I don't like that I keep picking fights but I know I'm doing it. I know I'm doing it to divert the attention away from me and the fact that I'm still so nervous about coming out to my parents, which I haven't done yet.

But anyway, we agreed to do something about our constant fighting. I was still worried about her health and she was worried about mine…and possibly my sanity. She would never outright say it but she hinted at it enough for me to realize that she might be right. And I'm not mad at her for it. I'm glad I have someone to call me out on things instead of letting everything go just to avoid a fight.

So I agreed that maybe everything _was_ becoming a bit too much for me and my anxiety was practically eating me alive, most likely causing me to lash out so much. And I told her that I would talk to my therapist about going back to a higher dose in medication so I could cope a little more easily with the stress. And in return, Alex made a promise as well.

I don't know what she has against doctors but she hates going to them. But last week she ran a fever _again_ and I finally convinced her that maybe it was time to see one. She reluctantly agreed but I was just happy that she would go. But I was nervous about it too. I didn't understand what was going on with her and I was afraid of what we would find out.

**_(One Week Ago)_**

"_I can't believe you're making me do this," Alex said as she shifted uncomfortably on the paper covered table in the doctor's office._

"_I can't believe I had to force you to come here when you should have gone a long time ago."_

"_There's nothing wrong with me. I'm only here so you can see it for yourself."_

"_Good, I hope there's nothing wrong with you. I just don't want to ignore it if it is something and then have it get worse just because you're too stubborn to get a checkup."_

"_I just don't like doctors. They piss me off."_

"_Alex, don't be such a pussy." She opened her mouth to speak but the door opened, revealing Alex's doctor clad in black pants and a white coat._

"_Alright let's see…Alex Russo."_

"_That's me," she said, raising her hand._

"_Hi Alex, I'm Doctor Reynolds…and…you are…" he trailed off, facing me. "Sister?"_

"_Girlfriend," I corrected and he nodded his head._

"_Ah, got it. Alright, so what seems to be the problem Alex?" he asked but Alex said nothing so he turned to me expectantly._

"_Alex I'm not your mom, you know what's wrong with you."_

"_Nothing's wrong with me," she said defiantly and I sighed._

"_She's always exhausted, sometimes she complains about pains in her back and stomach, and she keeps getting sick."_

"_Sick how?"_

"_She'll get a fever, like she did a few days ago, but it's happened several times already. And sometimes she gets a really bad cough that'll last a couple days."_

"_How long has this been going on?"_

"_Since she started working-"_

"_This has been happening for a long time. This always happens. I just get sick a lot. I'm not the healthiest person, so what? Doesn't this happen to a lot of people?" Alex said, interrupting me._

"_Has it ever been really bad?" he asked curiously as he wrote things down on a piece of paper._

"_Um…a few months ago I had the flu. But a lot of people at the store I work at were getting it too. Uh…I think at least once a year I get sick, like…really sick."_

"_What do you mean?"_

"_Well like freshman year I had a really bad throat infection and that lasted a few months. Sophomore year I had a bad case of hay fever and my allergies just went out of control. Two summers ago I had mono. Those were really the only times I went to the doctor. Everything in between was little, it was nothing. It went away in a few days."_

"_Okay well I'm just going to run a couple of quick routine tests, just to make sure everything's fine." She nodded and the doctor proceeded to perform all the typical checkup tests. He checked her heartbeat, her blood pressure, her ears and nose._

"_Oh God I hate this part," she muttered to me as Doctor Reynolds unwrapped a tongue depressor to put in her mouth so he could check her throat._

"_Don't worry it's almost over," I assured her as he began examining her. Once he was done she coughed a couple times and he wrote more things down._

"_Right, well you're throat seems to be a little red and swollen, have you been coughing a lot lately?"_

"_Like I said, it just comes and goes." He came up to her again and placed his hands below her jaw and pressed lightly._

"_Do you feel any pain?" he asked as he moved towards the front of her neck._

"_Not really, why?"_

"_Well your glands are a little swollen."_

"_So…what's wrong with me?"_

"_First I want to go back to something your girlfriend mentioned earlier. Describe these stomach pains you've been having. Are you feeling nauseas or is it more of a tight, sharp feeling?"_

"_Um…a little bit of both actually. Sometimes I feel like I'm going to throw up and other times I just feel like I have really bad cramps."_

"_And the onset…"_

"_I don't really know. It kind of comes out of nowhere. I thought it's because I eat so much crap or because I'm always on my feet and moving around at work and at school."_

"_Okay I'm going to just check that out real quick," he said. "Remove your sweater and lie down on your back please." She did as he asked and he placed his hand on her side. "Now, what area usually hurts the most?"_

"_It's usually all over."_

"_Does it hurt when I apply pressure on it?"_

"_A little."_

"_Alright well at a glance all your symptoms point to appendicitis."_

"_That's what I said," I mused out loud to Alex who rolled her eyes at me._

"_So what, I need to get it taken out?" she asked a little timidly. Alex hated the doctors enough. She would have a heart attack if she had to have surgery._

"_Well it might be that…it also might be nothing. Usually symptoms of the stomach flu, among other things, can cause, or even mimic, appendicitis so it's not too out of the ordinary. They can cause the lymphoid tissue to swell which leads to the obstruction of the appendix," he explained but Alex just looked at him with a blank stare, obviously not really getting any of this. "You have some swelling in your abdominal region and that's what's causing you pain," he said in simpler terms. "It also may cause some bloating."_

"_Oh I thought I was getting fat," she said in realization and I shook my head at her._

"_No, bloating is extremely common and so is fatigue. Many people, usually the younger age groups, tend to become tired and coupled with your busy schedule it would explain your exhaustion."_

"_So is it serious?"_

"_From what you've told me, it doesn't sound like it is. Just take it easy with work and school. But you also seem to have a slight throat infection," he informed her and she groaned at hearing she had to suffer through it again. "But I will prescribe you some antibiotics for that. As for your abdominal pains…diagnosing appendicitis can be tricky. The pain should gradually worsen over time but you say it comes and goes?"_

"_Yeah."_

"_When does it seem to get worse?"_

"_Um…when I'm running, sometimes after I eat, when I'm on my period, and when uh…when I have sex…" she admitted awkwardly before turning to me and offering a sheepish smile._

"_Well that's normal." I can't believe she didn't tell me that even having sex was too much for her. Well…actually I can believe it. "I'll schedule you for some image testing just to be safe. But it really seems as if you're just overworking yourself though."_

"_Told you."_

"_Shut up," she said, hitting me on my arm. "So…can I leave?" It was obvious she wanted to get out of here as quickly as possible._

"_Yes, I'll just write you your prescription and you're good to go."_

She's been taking antibiotics ever since her physical. Even though she tells me all the time that I worry for nothing I could tell she was a little worried about herself too. She just wants to put on a brave face for me. But if she's sick she knows she has to do something about it. And it wasn't normal how sick she was getting.

The image testing was scheduled as soon as it could and Alex went while I was in school. She didn't even wait for me to get out so she could call me and practically scream into the phone that she didn't really have appendicitis and didn't need surgery. Apparently if it was appendicitis her swelling and pain would have been in her right side and it wasn't. I guess she really is just prone to getting sick.

Her hectic work and school schedule and her god awful eating habits are throwing her entire body and immune system out of whack. The doctor said she needs to take better care of herself or it could actually cause complications. And if the pain or swelling gets worse than they would have to remove her appendix. But regardless she said she was going to try harder for the both of us. And I'm glad she finally wasn't being stubborn about it.

"Hey queer we don't allow your kind in this store!" someone shouted at me while I searched for my girlfriend. Some of the lights were off and I was probably one of the only customers left in here.

"And yet they let you work here?" I said, turning around to see Frank pushing a large broom down an aisle.

"I'm pretty sure there's a sign in the front window that clearly says that if you're a lesbian then you can't come in here…unless you're naked."

"Oh well then in that case hang on and let me take all of my clothes off…" I told him sarcastically as I started to unzip my hoodie.

"Wait really?"

"No not really you fucking dumbass," I laughed and he flipped me off.

"Cunt."

"Love you too, Frank. Have you seen my girlfriend? I'm supposed to be picking her up."

"She's somewhere in the back moaning underneath Kelly," he said and I didn't know if he said that as a joke just to piss me off or what but I just crossed my arms and stared at him.

"You're hilarious."

"I'm serious. Go to the register and see for yourself." He did sound serious and that kind of weirded me out a bit. He didn't say anything else and continued sweeping the aisle until he was out of my sight. I slowly made my way to the back of the store where a light was still on and I saw the blonde girl standing behind one of the cash registers but Alex was nowhere in sight. She was looking down and laughing occasionally when I approached her.

"Hey," she greeted me as she shifted around a little. It's odd; I thought it would be weird or awkward to be around Kelly or talk to her considering she used to hook up with Alex but I can't seem to find any reason to dislike her. Everything is completely normal between the three of us and I'm actually relieved I didn't have to worry about tension or something. But it was still weird that it wasn't weird.

"Hey is uh…is Alex here?" I asked and right after I heard a high pitched moan from behind the counter but it sounded like it was out of pain.

"Is that Mitchie? Ow! Fuck Kelly I said step not curb stomp." Alex's voice cried out and I grew even more confused.

"Yeah she's right here," Kelly said holding in her laughter. I raised my eyebrow and she pointed downwards. I walked around the counter to the other side and saw Alex face down on the floor with Kelly standing on her.

"What…the fuck?" I didn't even know what to say to what I'm seeing. I'm so confused. "Alex, what are you doing?"

"Dying apparently," the blonde said and she got off of her.

"I had this ridiculous pain in my back because they made me do stock guy work all day."

"And having someone step on you was your brilliant solution?"

"Well I didn't want a massage because if anyone's going to be rubbing me it's going to be you and-"

"Ew…Alex…" Kelly said laughing again. "We're still at work; no one needs to hear this."

"What_ever_, it was a good idea okay. I feel better now," she defended and Kelly turned to me and discreetly gestured towards Alex and brought her thumb and forefinger towards her lips.

"She's stoned," she mouthed out and I shook my head but couldn't help but laugh. Alex was never the sharpest tool in the shed when she was high. She must have smoked with Frank; he seemed high. No wonder he asked me to get naked.

"Oh my God Alex."

"Uhhh…it helps," she said and I shrugged. At least I was the one driving her. I'd really only have a problem with it if she was dumb enough to get behind the wheel of a car. Other than that I could care less. She never gets too stoned to the point where she can't handle her own high. I extended my hand to help her up. I spun her around and wiped the dirt from the floor off of her shirt. "Thank you." She leaned in and kissed me and I could taste the weed.

"No problem…but chew some gum or something."

"Ah shit I forgot…sorry," she said apologetically with a pout and I didn't know if she was sorry for tasting like pot or for smoking at all.

"It's okay; I don't care. I should have known you were high when Frank told me to take my clothes off."

"What! Frank you fuck face," she said to him as he walked back down the aisle with the broom.

"What did I do?"

"You told Mitchie to get naked."

"Suck my dick," he said, putting the broom away and walking behind the counter to grab his jacket.

"I hate you."

"Wait…what did I do?"

"Frank…shut up," Kelly said and he threw his hands up in defeat.

"Christ, can't a nigga just ask some bitches to get naked?"

"Do you see the shit I have to put up with when I'm here? This is why I can't be sober here," Alex said to me, putting her own hoodie on, getting ready to leave.

"I can't say I blame you," I told her as she clocked out.

"Don't worry, one day I'll get you high enough to finally do it," he said to Alex but before she could say something back a phone went off.

_Oh, kiss me beneath the milky twilight. Lead me out on the moonlit floor. Lift your open hand, strike up the band and make the fireflies dance silver moon's sparkling. So kiss me._

We all just stood there as Kiss Me by Sixpence None The Richer practically echoed throughout the store. I looked at Kelly thinking it was her phone but Alex bit her lip trying not to burst out laughing. Then Frank reached into his pocket and answered his phone and I just stared at him in disbelief before being the first one to start laughing.

"I guess Alex finally got back at you for always changing her ringtone," I said and Alex finally let out her laughter.

"No, I didn't do anything. That's seriously his ringtone." All three of us started cracking up just as Frank hung up the phone and he flipped me off again.

"Fuck you this song is my shit."

"And you called _me_ a queer."

"You are a queer. Now if you'll excuse me that was Jimmy so I'm out."

"What are you two going to go butt fuck each other?" Alex asked.

"Why, you want a foursome? Hell, Kelly can come too," he said while winking at the blonde.

"Okay I think it's time for me to go home," she said before saying a quick goodbye to avoid Frank's awkwardness.

"Oh well, so…foursome?" he asked once she left but I just narrowed my eyes at him. "Threesome?"

"Bye, Frank," Alex said grabbing my hand and leading me out of the store.

"He's so weird," I said while shaking my head once we were outside in the parking lot. I unlocked my car and we both got in it.

"Trust me, I'm aware. So now that we're alone how about just a twosome?" she said bluntly while putting her hand on my leg just as I turned the ignition. I turned to look at her and she started rubbing my thigh. Pot really does make her so horny it was ridiculous.

"How about I just drive us home?"

"But…don't you want to help me complete my list?" she asked me with a pout and these puppy dog eyes.

"We're not having sex in my car."

"Why not?"

"We're in the middle of a parking lot…where you work."

"So let's kill two birds with one stone again?"

"No."

"Ugh…Mitchie…stab me in the heart why don't you."

"Alex?"

"Yes, my love?"

"Stop talking." I put the car in drive and pulled out of the lot. She slumped back in her seat, still pouting and she finally took her hand off of my leg. "I'm sorry." She remained silent and played with the radio instead. "Do you want me to take you to Checkers?"

"Yes!" she shouted excitedly, forgetting all about me turning her down. She's so easy to distract with food when she's high. "I love you."

"You only love me because I buy you food."

"I love you because you're an angel and you're pretty and I love you." She reached over and took my hand off of the wheel, holding it tightly in hers. "My sweet angel," she practically sang.

"You need a nap."

"I need a lot of things." I rolled my eyes but laughed anyway.

"How are you feeling today?" I asked randomly, changing the subject.

"A lot better actually…I don't know if it's because I smoked or not though."

"Well at least you're feeling better."

"Yeah but the weed is doing nothing to help my exhaustion. I'll probably crash the minute I get home."

"Yeah I figured." I continued driving while we sat in a comfortable silence, listening to the radio. When I pulled up to the drive thru I turned to her. "Do you want to go out tomorrow, just the two of us?"

"Sure…wait…is tomorrow Wednesday?"

"Yeah, why?"

"Then I can't. I have to be home for family dinner. I'll feel bad if I skip it." I gave my order and drove up.

"Don't worry about it. I wouldn't want you to skip that anyway. Is everything good with you and your family?"

"Yeah, actually it is. It's weird. Brian's work schedule isn't hectic like it used to be. He just work's nine to five now so he's home a lot more. Max isn't busy with soccer practice anymore since the season ended. And Justin comes over every week; sometimes he'll stop by for a quick visit from time to time. We're getting along."

"You are?"

"Yeah, I thought we wouldn't but I always used to get along with him. He was a good big brother when we were little. He would always take me to the park or the movies even if he already had plans. I spent such a long time being angry and hating my whole family I just wanted to let it go. Sure, Justin took some time to get used to but he really is trying harder to actually be my brother and that's really what I wanted from him all along so there's no point in holding grudges anymore."

"That's great; I'm really happy for you."

"Thanks. I mean, aside from this whole being sick all the time thing, I can't really complain."

"I wish I could say the same," I said after grabbing the paper bag from the window and handing it to her.

"What do you mean? What's wrong?" she asked as I headed back onto the main road to drive her home. I sighed and shook my head.

"Nothing, I just…I don't know what to do about my parents. I don't like lying to them and I don't like hiding you."

"Do you think it would be better to just…rip off the band aid?"

"I don't know. I've tried to tell them so many times this past week but I keep chickening out. I don't want them to hate me for this."

"They're not going to hate you. I know it's terrifying; I almost threw up the night I told my parents. But you're parents aren't like mine. They love you, Mitch. Never forget that."

"I just don't know how they're going to take it. I've never even hinted at it. I wouldn't know how they'd react."

"Just do it when you feel like you're completely ready," she said, shoving French fries into her mouth. "Don't think I'm going to pressure you into it either…because I'm not."

"I know you're not."

"And remember…if anything happens, and I'm not saying anything will happen…I'm just saying _if_, you'll always have me and you can come to my house if you need to, no matter what."

"Thanks, you know that really means a lot to me. I love you."

"Of course Mitch, I love you too," she said and out of the corner of my eye I saw her smiling at me. "And my God I love these fries." I laughed at the sudden shift in mood in the car and I'm glad I didn't have to keep talking about this. She continued eating and groaned in satisfaction.

"Jesus Christ Alex, how high are you?"

"They're _so good_."

"Should I be concerned? You don't even moan that loudly when we have sex," I pointed out and she let out a short laugh.

"Oh baby girl you really need to get your ears checked then."

"You sure about that?"

"Yeah, if you don't believe me then I can prove it to you," she said before leaning over the armrest and putting her hand down my pants while kissing my neck. I immediately swatted her away.

"Are you kidding me? I'm driving!"

"I should add that to my bucket list."

"I _promise_ you I am never going to have sex with you _while_ I'm driving."

"Why not?"

"Because we could get killed. Don't I have enough anxiety?"

"Okay, fine, you have a point. Wait, this doesn't have anything to do with what I said at the doctor's office last week does it?"

"No, we really can get killed if we do that."

"Because we haven't had sex at all since before then."

"I know; I've just been-"

"Stressed?" she finished for me, already knowing what I was going to say. She reached for my hand and took it off the wheel again and kissed the back of it. "I know you're dealing with a lot. And I keep trying to take your mind off of it and joking around with you to get you to lighten up just a little but it's not exactly working…"

"I'm sorry."

"Stop saying you're sorry. It's okay. I completely understand."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said while she intertwined our fingers. "Do you need your hand back to drive or can I keep holding it?" she asked thoughtfully and I chuckled before shaking my head. I'll never understand her obsession with holding my hand. I mean don't get me wrong because I love it. She's just _really_ obsessed with it.

"You can keep it."

"Yes!" she exclaimed happily and kissed it again. I didn't really mind driving with one hand and we were almost home anyway. "So since I can't hang out tomorrow night, what do you say to going out on Thursday instead? After work I can pick you up and we can grab a late dinner. Maybe getting out and away from everyone and everything will help you relax."

"I'd like that."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, I really do need to relax. It's a date."

* * *

><p>The next week went by almost exactly like the last one…unfortunately. I have, however, tried to bottle in my anxiety which by the way is not exactly healthy. But I don't want to bring it up or do or say anything to bring it up with Alex. I don't want to take out my frustrations on her because she has been nothing but supportive throughout this whole thing. But I can feel myself slowly breaking.<p>

We were sitting in the cafeteria with Frank and Eric just talking casually. I didn't know how much longer I was going put off telling my parents but I knew I had to do it soon. Even if I'm trying not to show it anymore I can feel it bubbling to the surface. That on top of everything else on my plate is just making me want to tear my hair out.

"Hey Mitch you alright?" Alex's voice snapped me out of my trance.

"What?"

"You spaced out for like two minutes."

"Yeah I'm fine, just thinking."

"About what?"

"Just…stuff."

"School related or…other?"

"A little of both."

"What's going on?" Frank asked, not really following the conversation.

"I'm trying to come out to my parents but I don't know how," I told him honestly.

"They don't know? I thought everyone knew."

"Everyone does know…everyone but my parents."

"Damn, that sucks. Why don't you just tell them?"

"It's not that easy."

"Sure it is; just throw it randomly into your conversation. Next time you're with them just be like _hey guys I'm a homo, what's for dinner?_" he suggested but I sat there and said nothing. "You know…or not."

"I'm just tired of people finding out without me actually telling them."

"They seriously haven't figured it out?" Eric asked. "You guys must be really good at hiding it. It's so obvious to everyone else."

"You're not helping."

"Well you could-" Frank started but I cut him off before her could suggest something stupid.

"No."

"You don't even know what I was going to say!"

"Knowing you it's going to be stupid…or sexual."

"Bet you wouldn't have a problem with that," a familiar voice said from behind me and I immediately stiffened in my seat. I would know that voice anywhere and it made me cringe.

**Alex's POV**

"Fuck off, Brooke," Mitchie told the cheerleader bitterly without even turning around to look at her. I could practically feel Mitchie tensing up next to me.

"What are you going to sic your girlfriend on me again?"

"No I'll just kick your ass myself," she bit back and I could see she was already pissed off. These days it really didn't take much to get Mitchie worked up. I'm surprised she hasn't snapped at me for something.

"Are you sure your leash is long enough?" I rolled my eyes, not even paying attention to her anymore. Mitchie, however, finally turned around. Brooke has been pissed off at us ever since that dodgeball game. Not that she didn't always love to torment us but hitting her in the face didn't exactly put things to rest.

"Is there a reason you're so obsessed with bothering us?"

"Mitchie," I warned at hearing her getting angrier.

"What? I didn't do anything," she defended but I knew if she didn't stop now this would escalate.

"Looks like you need to do a better job at disciplining your bitch, Alex."

"Brooke, shut up," I told her before turning back to my girlfriend and lowering my voice. "Mitch, relax."

"Yeah Mitch, just relax and go back to eating since you apparently love to do that," Brooke said while looking Mitchie up and down. Before I could say something to calm her down or to get her to let it go she stood up and slapped the girl across the face.

"Oh shit, chick fight!" Frank shouted and I smacked his arm. Brooke didn't hesitate to hit her back and before anyone could even blink Mitchie had her pinned on the ground.

"Mitchie!" I yelled to get her attention but she completely ignored me. It didn't even take that long for her to completely lose it. She usually has a better handle on things but she completely snapped. Brooke had her hands around Mitchie's wrists, trying not to be suffocated. "Mitch, stop." I grabbed her arms and tried to pull her off but she was a lot stronger than I was. "You're going to regret this just get up." The last thing she needed was to get suspended to make her even more stressed than she already was.

"Get off of me, Alex," she shouted and shrugged me off of her. I grabbed her arms again and managed to pull her off of Brooke just before she could try to hit her again. I tightened my hold on her to make sure she wouldn't escape my grasp and I turned her around to face me.

"Mitchie calm the fuck down," I said seriously but she was fuming.

"Let me go."

"Not until you calm down." She looked genuinely uncomfortable as she tried to pull her hands out of mine. "Mitch."

"I said get off!" she snapped, finally breaking free and shoving me away from her. I just stood there not knowing what to do about her outburst. She didn't say anything either. She just looked at me before glancing down at Brooke being helped up by her friend and then back at me. And then she left.

"Mitchie!" I called out after her but she didn't bother turning around. She kept walking and exited the cafeteria. I didn't stick around to listen to Frank or Eric's reactions. I had to go after her. I pushed open the doors and looked down the hallway to see Mitchie still walking. "Mitchie wait up!"

"Leave me alone, Alex," I heard her say in a much quieter voice than before.

"What's going on with you? You haven't pushed me away like that since…last year…" She finally stopped walking and turned around but she kept her head down. "You didn't change your meds, did you?" I already knew the answer. She hasn't freaked out like that because of me touching her in a long time. She has gotten used to being around me so much I didn't think this would be a problem again.

"Look I'm sorry for snapping at you but I'm not sorry for hitting Brooke. She's _lucky_ that I stopped when I did."

"I know you hate her but you can't just beat the crap out of her."

"Why the fuck not? Obviously you weren't going to do anything about it, but don't worry I didn't expect you to," she said, raising her voice again.

"Don't start with that again. There's no reason to attack her just because she's being a bitch. And you know it bothers me too."

"Could have fooled me."

"Mitch, stop. You need to learn to not let things get to you so much. If she was physically harassing you then I wouldn't even let her get anywhere near you. I mean, there's not much I can do when you beat her out of nowhere."

"What difference does it make if it's verbal or physical?"

"Because they're just words! Nothing she says matters because nothing she says is anywhere close to the truth. She just talks to piss you off. But it doesn't mean anything! I know what she says bothers you but-"

"Exactly! You know it bothers me. You know what words can do to me. You've seen what happens because of words. And those were words from my own family."

"But Brooke isn't your family. She's not even your friend. If other people's words affect you so much why can't mine? Why can't you ever just listen to me when I tell you they're wrong? Or are you really going to listen to some bitch you don't even care about over your own girlfriend who loves you?" I stayed rooted to the ground waiting for her to say something, anything. I just wanted some sort of a reaction. But I got nothing. She just started walking away from me again. But I wasn't going to let her go anywhere this time. I held her hand and kept her in place. "You're not leaving."

"Why not?"

"Because if you're mad at me then I'm not letting you go until we fix this."

"There's nothing to fix. I'm going home."

"I'm sorry okay? C'mon Mitch don't do this," I pleaded with her but she pulled her hand out of mine and walked away. "Mitchie!" I didn't want her to leave while we're fighting. I didn't want this to go on any longer than it already has. I was done fighting with her. The second we started dating again I promised myself I would never let an argument escalate. I just didn't think Mitchie would be the stubborn one.

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I don't know how I managed to make it all the way back to my house without breaking down but I did it. I've been sitting in my room for hours, just sobbing, finally letting it all out. I don't know what to do. The whole way home I kept thinking about what happened at school with Brooke…and Alex. I hated that I let things get so bad that I actually took it out on her. She doesn't deserve it. I know Brooke's words don't matter. I had Alex; that's all that mattered.

But the stress is just too much. I can't do this anymore. I can't handle it. I thought I had everything under control but I don't. Alex was right and I just got mad at her. But literally _everything_ is pissing me off; I feel like I'm about to explode. I felt sick. And I didn't know what else to do. But I knew I had to do _something_.

I opened my medicine cabinet and dug through it until I found what I was looking for; that damn little orange bottle that my entire fucking life revolved around now. I hated it. These pills control me and fuck with my head and my body and I can't stand it. I twisted the cap off and looked in it to see that it was still pretty new.

Without another thought I emptied the entire bottle. I should have listened to Alex and I should have kept my promise. I told her I would go back but I lied to her just because I thought I could actually get better on my own. I didn't even think twice. I dumped the rest of the pills into the toilet and flushed it down before I could change my mind.

"Mitch! Dinner's ready!" I heard my dad shout from the kitchen.

"I'm coming!" I drew in a deep breath and went back to my medicine cabinet and found another orange bottle similar to the one I just threw out. If a higher dose is what I needed then a higher dose is what I'll take. I opened the container with my old medication and took one before leaving my bathroom and heading towards the dinner table where my parents were already seated and waiting for me.

"What took you so long?"

"Nothing I was just doing homework," I lied as I took a seat across from my dad. We ate mostly in silence but my mind was racing. Occasionally we would have light conversation though.

"How was school today?" I thought I was going to throw up. I couldn't keep this up. Either they were going to find out or trying to keep it from them would drive me completely insane.

"Um…it was alright."

"Just alright?" he asked as if he knew I was hiding something. What could I say? I beat up a cheerleader because she basically called me a fat whore?

"It's just school. I mean…it was…interesting I guess." I had to tell them.

"Did something happen?" he asked again and I sighed. Alex and I haven't spoken since I walked away from her and it was killing me. This anxiety I was feeling was ridiculous. It was making my relationship suffer. I keep lashing out for no reason. Maybe I really did need to just rip the band aid off.

"Well for starters, I got into BU," I told them and that brightened them up a bit. Maybe I could do this.

"That's wonderful, honey."

"Yeah I got the letter when I came home." I had to do it. I had to just tell them the truth. "Uhh, I also got into Hunter College." _Just fucking say it!_ "I'm gay," I blurted out and I thought I was going to throw up. "And I got an A- on my English paper," I finished telling them and I held my breath. I don't know why I went with Frank's suggestion to just throw it into the conversation randomly but it had to be done. And now that it was I think I'm going to faint waiting for them to react.

"That's nice…wait, _what_?" my mom said and I'm surprised I heard her over the sound of my heart pounding against my chest.

"I said I got an A- on my paper," I told her a little more loudly but I knew what she was talking about.

"No…before that," she prompted and I swallowed past the lump that I didn't know was forming in my throat. Both of my parents were staring at me expectantly with expressions I couldn't read. This was awful, absolute torture. But I already said it. I can't take it back now.

"Oh, uh…I said…I said I'm gay."

* * *

><p><strong>TO BE CONTINUED<strong>

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u.**


	33. All The Things She Said Part II

**A/N 1: Didn't mean to leave you with a cliffhanger so once I got some final school work out of the way I found time to write. It's pretty short but it's the second part and if I kept them together it would have been too long. So...here it is.**

**Hope you like it, leave a review (BROKE 300 SADADKASKDJFALS luv u guise) keep em coming**

**ALSO. This chapter is dedicated to nvrshoutnvr, as a late birthday present. Sorry it took a while lol**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject; I swear, I'm interesting**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>33. All The Things She Said Part II<p>

_Mother, looking at me  
><em>_Tell me what do you see?  
><em>_Yes, I've lost my mind  
><em>_Daddy, looking at me  
><em>_Will I ever be free?  
><em>_Have I crossed the line?_

* * *

><p>"<em>No…before that," she prompted and I swallowed past the lump that I didn't know was forming in my throat. Both of my parents were staring at me expectantly with expressions I couldn't read. This was awful, absolute torture. But I already said it. I can't take it back now.<em>

"_Oh, uh…I said…I said I'm gay."_

**Mitchie's POV**

I felt like time has stopped. The hands on the clock in the kitchen cannot be moving right now. I feel like everything is just…frozen. I can't move. I wish I could so I could get up, leave this house, run away as far as I can, and never look back. I didn't know what they were thinking but the silence was killing me. Why weren't they saying anything?

"No you're not," my mom finally said. But there was something…humorous…in her voice. I didn't understand it. It's almost as if she didn't believe me, like I was telling some sort of a joke to make fun dinner time conversation. My dad didn't look at me. He didn't look at my mom either.

"Connie, I don't think she's kidding." And just like that the air was tense once again. And I didn't know what to do about it. My mom's face just dropped. But I still couldn't read her expression.

"Mitchie," she said sternly, wanting confirmation from me. I said it once. Surely, I could say it again.

"I wasn't kidding, mom. I'm gay." My voice was shockingly stronger than I thought it would be now.

"Since _when_?"

"Um…well-" I started but she cut me off.

"No, Mitchie, just…no."

"No?"

"No, this isn't you. This isn't who you are."

"But…it is."

"But you've had boyfriends before."

"And I was honestly never fully attracted to any of them. I was lying to myself the whole time. Sure, I never knew until recently but-"

"Mitchie you-"

"Mom, would you stop doing that? Stop interrupting me and let me talk. For God's sake I finally get the nerve to just come out and tell you the truth and you bite my head off every time I open my mouth."

"First of all, watch your tone. Second of all, you don't know what you're talking about."

"I…what? I don't know what I'm talking about? I thought about this for such a long time. I'm pretty positive about it."

"Look, I know people now like to…_experiment_ and they go through these different phases-"

"Oh how typical, you think I'm going through a _phase_. If I'd have known this was going to be the most cliché _coming out_ _party_ I would have just stayed in the closet. And I actually felt bad for keeping it from you guys. Do you have any idea how hard it was for me to tell you I'm gay? And you're just completely dismissing it."

"You're not gay."

"Can you stop being in denial about it? I'm telling you over and over. It's real, mom. This is real."

"No, you just-"

"I just _what_? God, why do I even bother trying to explain anything to you?"

"Stop raising your voice Michelle."

"So if I just dropped the subject what will happen? What's going to happen after this? Are you just going to pretend I never said anything?" I asked hoping she would stop this. This is clearly where I got my stubborn personality from. I waited a few more seconds but she still said nothing. "_I'm gay_."

"No you're not."

"Yes I am," I repeated, punctuating after every word so she would understand me. "I like girls, whether you accept it or not. It doesn't change who I am."

"This isn't who you are," she said a little loudly making me shrink back in my seat. I was hoping Alex was going to be right. I thought my parents loved me enough to just be okay with this. My dad hadn't even said a single word to me.

"So that's it?" I asked but I was answered with complete silence. My mom wasn't looking at me anymore and neither was my dad. I felt my chest tighten and tears starting to collect in my eyes but I wasn't about to let them fall. I held them back and tried to focus on breathing right. "What? You're not going to say anything now?" I still didn't get an answer. "Dad? Can you please say something?" I was desperate. I just wanted a reaction at this point, _any_ kind of reaction.

"It's Alex…isn't it?" Fuck, of _all_ the things he could have possible said? Why couldn't we leave Alex out of it until the very end…like when I left the room? But if I was going to be honest with them about this then I was going to be honest about everything. And I'm done hiding her from them.

"Um…yeah, it is," I admitted. And I think that was it for my mom.

"Oh _excuse_ me?"

"Alex is my girlfriend okay?"

"This is just ridiculous," she said and I just raised an eyebrow.

"How?"

"I told you that girl had issues."

"She doesn't have _issues_. Sure she had some problems with her mom and brother but her being gay and being with me isn't an _issue_. Her family knows about us and they're completely fine with it. Why can't you be?"

"Didn't I say they spend too much time together?" she asked my dad, completely ignoring what I just said. "Now she's got her believing all sorts of things."

"Alex didn't _turn_ me gay or something; it doesn't work that way. One day I just realized that I loved her and not some guy and-"

"I'm sorry did you just say that you _love_ her?"

"Yes mom, is it so hard to believe something so _insane_ like me being in love with my best friend just because she's a girl?"

"No, Mitchie you don't know what you're talking about."

"Would you stop saying that already? I know what I'm talking about. For the first time I have actually never been more certain of anything in my life."

"You're young; you don't know what love is."

"I'm eighteen so technically I'm an adult."

"Don't get smart with me, Michelle."

"What_ever_, my point is that I'm not some naïve or ignorant little girl. I've grown up and I finally figured out who I am and what I want."

"I don't know what kind of thoughts this girl has put in your head but-"

"She didn't do anything. Mom, she's my best friend. You never had a problem with her before, not _really_ anyway. And now you all of a sudden don't like her and think she's a bad influence or something just because she's my girlfriend?"

"Enough, I don't want to hear any more."

"Are you seriously going to just pretend this didn't happen? I've been terrified for _months_ because I've been trying to tell you guys the truth because I didn't want you to hate me and now you're just-"

"Mitchie I don't hate you-"

"Are you sure about that? Because it really seems like you do." By now I had already given up on holding it together and let my tears fall. I just wanted to be wrong about how tonight would go. But I knew this would happen. "Forget this, I'm out of here," I said before standing up.

"Mitch, stop and sit down," my dad said but I didn't return to my seat.

"Why should I? Dad, you haven't even said anything this whole time."

"Can you just sit so we can talk about this?"

"What's there to talk about? I just said everything. I told you the truth and you guys clearly have a problem with it just like I knew you would."

"I just don't think you-" my mom started to say but I didn't want to hear it from her again.

"Mom seriously, just don't."

"I don't think you should see Alex for a while," she said firmly and I was completely taken aback. Was she out of her mind?

"You're hilarious."

"Mitchie, I'm serious."

"What? No."

"I think you're just very attached to her and that has made you…confused...about your feelings."

"Mom for the hundredth time…I am not confused. I love her; I'm completely sure of it."

"How long has this even been going on? She _lived_ here for _months_! Were you two 'together' when she was staying here with us?" she asked and I hated how she put air quotes around the word _together_. "You two stayed in the same room for crying out loud and you kept this from us? And we just let you sleep in the same bed. Are you having sex?" She wasn't even giving me a chance to answer any of her questions but dear God I did not want to have this discussion with my parents.

"Mom!"

"Connie!" my dad and I yelled at the same time. He pinched the bridge of his nose before holding his hand up. "Mitchie don't answer that," he told me and I was flooded with relief.

"Steven."

"I don't want to hear this from my daughter."

"We would ask the same thing if she was dating a boy."

"But she isn't. If she was dating a boy I would only want to know because I don't want her to get pregnant. Alex obviously is not going to do that. Mitchie is a responsible girl and has never given us a reason to not trust her so, whether she is or isn't, I would rather not have this talk, especially now." This was so fucking awkward; I just wanted to leave.

"I just don't want her getting ahead of herself with this-"

"I'm still standing right here you know? You can say this to my face."

"I already told you how I feel about this."

"So that's it? You're just not going to accept it no matter what I say or how _I _feel?" I looked her in the eyes but her eyes were on the table. I waited for an answer and just as I was about to give up and walk away she looked at me.

"I can't."

"You can't what, mom? Just say it."

"I told you to watch your tone."

"Fuck this, I give up," I announced as I raised my hands in defeat before heading towards the door to leave again.

"No you're not going anywhere just…go to your room."

"Are you kidding me?"

"I meant what I said about not seeing Alex."

"Get the hell out of here, you're high!"

"Mitch, don't talk to your mother like that," my dad said in a much calmer voice.

"Oh okay so she can go on and on about how _confused _and _wrong_ I am but when I defend myself and Alex too I get in trouble for it? You guys make sense."

"All I said was that you're spending too much time with her," my mom tried to say.

"That's not _all_ _you said_. All I wanted was to come clean by the end of the night and _hopefully_ still have parents who love and accept me. If I'm not going to get that then why should I even stay here?"

"Mitchie we do love you, it's just this…lifestyle choice-"

"This is a joke, right?" I asked my dad. I couldn't deal with my mom anymore. As if I actually _chose_ to be like this. "This is bullshit. If you guys loved me then you wouldn't have a problem with me being with Alex…or being gay at all. You say you don't want to hear about any of it but this is who I am, Mom. Just accept it!"

"I can't…I won't."

"Why not?" We were all getting louder and surely this wasn't doing anything to help my anxiety. And here I thought coming out would take a weight off of my chest.

"Mitchie, that's enough!"

"What are you going to do Mom, yell at me? Hit me? Are we going to end up like Alex's family now? You know her mom beat her for five years because she's gay, right?"

"Mitch, stop," my dad warned again but my mom looked pissed. I didn't care. I was beyond pissed.

"First of all I have never nor would I ever lay a hand on you and second, don't you _dare_ compare me to that woman!"

"Look, I'm sorry for saying that and I'm sorry I'm not the daughter you wanted me to be but it's not like I can change this!"

"Enough!" my dad said, finally yelling just like we were. "Both of you just stop! Mitch, go to your room."

"What! Why?"

"Just go!" he shouted and couldn't say anything back. He almost never yells and something told me to just shut up and listen to him. I wasn't happy about it but what else could I do? I just shook my head and went to my room, closing and locking the door behind me. I could still hear them though. And they were still yelling. And it went on and on for God knows how long.

"Why do you always do this to her?"

"I'm not doing anything."

"Yes you are. And you're going to push her even further away."

"What in the world are you talking about?"

"After all this crap it's a miracle she even comes home. You know how she is, Connie. Like when your mother runs her mouth and you do nothing to stop it. You just try to avoid it instead of actually dealing with it. And you're doing it now. Instead of dealing with this you're just choosing to ignore it."

"You're right; I do know how she is. And _this_ isn't how she is. We didn't raise her like this."

"We raised her just fine. More importantly, we raised her to be an honest person and she tried to be honest with us and what are we doing? We're all spending the whole night yelling at each other. I'm not going to lose my daughter because of this."

"Well clearly we already lost her." I didn't want to eavesdrop anymore. I've had enough listening to my parents arguing about me and I've definitely had enough listening to my mom. Why didn't I see this coming? Deep down I wanted to believe that it would be okay but another part of me just feared that we really would end up like Alex's family.

There was no point in me staying here. I didn't care that my parents wanted me to stay in my room. I was getting out of here and I was getting out of here _now_. I once again thanked God that my bedroom was the one with the window that led to the fire escape. I quickly changed out of my jeans and into some sweatpants and grabbed my phone, my keys, and my hoodie before climbing out and heading down the steps.

I know I haven't spoken to Alex since I snapped at her in school but I needed her. I didn't care that I was still crying and people on the street were giving me weird looks. I didn't even know what time it was now; my parents had been arguing about me for such a long time. But I kept walking, picking my pace up a little, until I reached Alex's block and finally her apartment.

I bolted up the stairs and knocked on her door. Was Alex even awake? Regardless of what time it was she usually passes out after she eats and sometimes she even sleeps through dinner. But I kept knocking. It's not like I would go back home. There was no way in hell I was going to back to my parents, not now. After another moment or so the door opened revealing a very tired Brian.

"Mitchie?" It probably wasn't that late but the man does have to wake up early for work and I felt bad for waking him.

"Uh…hi, I'm sorry…I know it's late…but…" I hadn't realized my tears never actually stopped and I was having a hard time thinking clearly let alone speaking. But he didn't seem like he was mad that I randomly showed up in his doorway.

"Hang on…Alex!" he called out into the house. He waited a while but there was no response. "Alex!" he shouted again and before I knew it Alex came out of her bedroom, half asleep in a loose black t-shirt and red shorts.

"Brian why are you yelling?" she asked in a groggy voice as she rubbed one of her eyes before noticing I was here. "Mitch? What are you doing here?"

"I'm going to head back to bed; I'll leave you kids alone to talk," Brian said before I could answer her and explain everything. We both mumbled a goodnight before turning back to face each other. She seemed more awake now than she did a few seconds ago. But I was exhausted and ready to collapse. Without saying anything I walked up to her and fell into her arms, crying into her chest.

"Hey, what's wrong?" she asked as she pulled me in closer.

"I'm sorry," I eventually choked out. "I didn't mean to get mad at you or push you away."

"Wait, is that why you're upset? Babe, I'm not mad at you," she assured me but I shook my head against her.

"I told them," I mumbled but she definitely heard me and understood what I was talking about. I heard her sigh before letting go of me and taking my hand.

"C'mon, let's go to my room." She locked the front door behind me and I followed her into her bedroom where she sat on her bed, pulling me down with her. "What happened after you left school?"

"I don't know. I was just so pissed off at everything. I never wanted to get like that, especially to the point where I would take it out on you."

"It's okay Mitch, you-"

"No it's not. I lied to you and I should have kept my word. You were right, Alex; I'm not fine."

"But it's okay if you aren't. I'm telling you you're going to drive yourself crazy at the rate you're going."

"I think I already have. What other excuse is there for blurting out to my parents that I'm gay." I laid back against her bed and she moved closer to me, lying on her side.

"What did you say? How'd you end up doing it?"

"I did what Frank suggested and just threw it in there randomly. They almost didn't catch it and at first my mom thought I was joking." She didn't have to ask a follow up question. I show up at her door in tears in the middle of the night, she doesn't need to ask me how it went or if I'm okay. There was a silence in the room for a while. She turned onto her back and put her arm around me, allowing me to rest my head on her chest once again. "Maybe I would have been better off if I just kept my mouth shut," I said quietly as she lightly stroked my hair every now and then.

"I'm sorry Mitch; I know how it can be. I really thought your parents would be okay with it."

"I did too. Right before I told them, for a split second, I thought they wouldn't care. My mom kept telling me how I didn't know what I was talking about and this isn't really who I am. And she out of nowhere started saying that you're the one who put these _thoughts_ in my head and I'm too attached to you and-"

"Wait…hold on…you told them about us too?" she asked, cutting off my rant. But unlike when my mother did it, it didn't piss me off.

"Yeah…why…did you not want me to?"

"No I don't care. I just didn't think you'd tell them everything all at once."

"Well my dad assumed and I didn't deny it. And that's pretty much all he said."

"What do you mean?"

"He was just so quiet throughout the whole thing. I was hoping he would have at least stood up for me like he usually does. And then when I went back to my room he and my mom were just yelling at each other _all night_. Then I just left because I didn't want to sit in that house and listen to them fight because of me."

"Wow…that sounds like what happened when I came out to my parents," she said and I think she felt me tense up a little. "I'm sorry; I didn't mean to put that in your head. There's no way your family is going to be like mine. Your parents love you Mitchie."

"If they did then they wouldn't have a problem."

"Hey look at the bright side, at least your mom didn't punch you in the face," she joked half-heartedly, but I felt this weird tightening feeling in the pit of my stomach. And she definitely noticed. "I'm not helping, am I?"

"No it's not that. You are helping, just being here, even if you say nothing," I told her and draped my arm across her waist.

"I just wish I could say something to make you feel better. But I've been where you are and I know that the only people you need to hear something reassuring from is your parents."

"I mean…I _think_ my dad is okay with it…"

"What do you mean?"

"I don't really know. He didn't exactly say that he was…but he did try and tell my mom off later on when I left the room. I don't know, Alex. The whole thing is just one big confusing mess to be honest." She was quiet again. Her movements never ceased though and I was thankful for the soothing gesture. She continued playing with my hair before she paused for a moment.

"You need to find out for sure," she said and the seriousness of her tone made me turn my head to look up at her.

"What?"

"I know you're really upset with your parents…but please don't give up on them. It's weird for me to say, I know, but not knowing is what killed me the most. My dad never really talked about it and I didn't want to bring it up and then one day he was just…gone."

"But what about my mom?"

"No matter what she says or does, she is nothing like my mom. Your parents love you; just give them time."

"She said she can't and won't accept it and I…I don't know what to do." She resumed lightly stroking my hair and I let out a shaky breath, not realizing I was still crying. "She's just always been on my case about _something_ and I feel like this is what's finally going to push her away for good."

"What do you mean? Your mom's not going to leave you."

"I didn't mean it like that; I just meant…" I trailed off, not having a firm grasp on my words.

"It's okay Mitch. You'll work this out, I'm sure of it. In the meantime you can stay with me for as long as you need. Like I said before, I'm not mad at you for what happened today." I sighed deeply and felt myself relaxing ever so slightly.

"Thank you. And I really am sorry about earlier. I shouldn't have gotten pissed at you…and I should have just ignored Brooke like you told me to."

"I mean, I get why you were upset. It bothers me too, it really does. I want you to know that. I don't like it when anyone says anything about you…unless they're good things. In which case I need to make sure they're not _too_ good," she said causing me to actually laugh a little for the first time all night. "Hey there's a smile."

"I knew you could make me feel a little better."

"Just remember that I care about you more than anything and I would do anything for you," she told me with the utmost sincerity.

"I know," I said while taking her free hand in mine and kissing it. "And I promise I'll try and control myself around Brooke. You're right; she's just not worth it."

"Are you sure? You don't think I have you on too short of a leash?" she joked and this time I laughed louder.

"Oh my God what an idiot, I can't believe she said that."

"Clearly she doesn't know who wears the pants in this relationship."

"What! Shut up, I don't wear the pants."

"Yes, dear." I let go of her hand and smacked her arm.

"Wait…you don't think I'm like, controlling or something do you?" I asked, suddenly curious. I mean, people do tend to think that I'm like that even though I don't know why.

"No babe, not at all," she reassured me with a short laugh. "I'm just whipped as fuck…and I am completely okay with it."

"You're ridiculous."

"I don't care. Because I…" She turned her head and placed a soft kiss on my temple. "…have an amazing girlfriend."

"I love you, Alex."

"I love you too Mitch. And don't worry about your parents. They'll come around eventually," she said, holding my hand again. I knew she'd feel this way when I told her what had happened. She's experienced it first hand, losing her family. She's felt the pain of her mom not being okay with who she is and hating her for it. And I could hear it in her voice, the fear of it possibly happening to me too.

"Do you really think so?" I know I had always told her things would work out for her even when I wasn't entirely sure of it. I just knew she needed to hear something positive while her life was in shambles.

"Yeah, I do." Whether she's doing the same to me now or she truly believes my parents will actually accept the fact that I'm gay…I don't think I really care. I'm just glad I have someone to make me feel a little less hopeless. "You can stay here with me if you don't feel like you can face them or you can go home and try to work everything out. But whatever you do, just know that I'll always be here."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: All The Things She Said by t.A.T.u.**


	34. Crash And Burn

**A/N 1: HAY GUISE GUESS WAT. School's officially over, classes and finals and all. That means more time to write. LUCKY YOU. Anyway, new chapter. I personally like it better than the last because I really think I half assed the last one. So sorry about that.**

**ANYWAY, only 2 more chapters left in the story. Are you sad? I am. Not really but that's okay. because I still have new future story ideas. Hope you liked the depressing one shot btw lol**

**So...read, enjoy, and review. let me know what you think. I love hearing everyone's opinions.**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject because I'M FUNNY OKAY. And I'll keep you updated with my writing.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>34. Crash And Burn<p>

_I know you feel like the walls are closing in on you  
><em>_It's hard to find relief and people can be so cold  
><em>_When darkness is upon your door and you feel like you can't take anymore  
><em>_Let me be the one you call_

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

My alarm went off next to me at what felt like the crack of dawn but I knew that was impossible since my alarm is set for seven. But my eyelids felt like they weighed a ton. Aside from waking up in the middle of the night when Mitchie showed up at my door, I couldn't go back to sleep. After talking with her and getting her to calm down I practically stayed up until morning.

I had barely let the alarm make any noise. I know we had school but I didn't want to wake her up just yet. Even though I was still exhausted I brought one of my hands up and ran it over my face. My other hand was still securely placed on Mitchie's shoulder as she slept peacefully with her head on my chest. If I didn't know I wouldn't even be able to tell how badly she was hurting.

I slowly and carefully maneuvered my way out of my bed successfully without waking her. Before walking out I pulled the covers back over her just as she turned onto her stomach. I breathed out a light sigh as I opened the door and quietly exited my bedroom to find Brian sitting on the living room couch.

"Brian?" He uncrossed his legs and turned from the newspaper in his hands to look at me and offered a smile.

"Hey, morning kid."

"Where's Max?"

"Sleeping like a rock; he doesn't have class first period today. You're up early aren't you? I thought 7am was your '_I have another half hour to sleep_' alarm."

"I didn't sleep much to begin with," I told him as I took a seat next to him. He was only half dressed for work in a pair of black pants while still wearing his blue Rangers t-shirt.

"Rough night?" he assumed and I nodded my head.

"I don't know what to do Brian. Mitchie's the one who's good at this, not me. She's always the one who knows what to say and what to do when I'm on the verge of a breakdown."

"You want to start by telling me what happened and why the girl showed up here past midnight in tears?" I ran my hand through my hair and leaned back against the couch.

"She came out to her parents."

"I'm assuming they didn't take it too well."

"Obviously…but what do I do? What do I say? I know what she's going through and it's not easy at all to deal with."

"Well what did you want to hear from her when you told your mother and father?" he asked and I thought about it for a while. This shouldn't be such a weird question. It shouldn't be so difficult to answer but I'm drawing a blank.

"I don't know what I wanted…nothing. I didn't want to hear anything because I knew it didn't matter what anyone said. It didn't change how my parents, well…just my mom, felt about me."

"But I bet she told you that everything would be okay, right?"

"Well…yeah…"

"What did you think she would say? Fuck off, who cares?"

"No."

"And you didn't say that to her last night."

"What? No, of course not."

"Exactly. Even if you're not sure what to say to help you always say something reassuring because it's the best anyone can do. And trust me, that's all Mitchie wants right now. She probably doesn't even know what she wants to hear either. But she just needs you to be there for her."

"I am. I'm always going to be there for her and she knows that."

"Good…then you're already doing a good job. There's really nothing else you can do. It's not like you can force her mom and dad to come around."

"I know. It's just that I can't stand seeing her like this _because_ I know what it feels like."

"Don't beat yourself up, Alex. This is entirely out of your control. You're a good friend and that's enough for her. I know as her girlfriend you want to protect her but you're her best friend first. And right now she needs her best friend to do nothing but listen to her and offer a shoulder to cry on when she's upset." I let his words sink in and I thought them over. He had a point. I mean, when I would show up at Mitchie's window at ungodly hours of the night crying she would just let me in and she didn't even know what was going on.

"You're right. I just never thought she'd ever be in this position. I thought her parents would be okay with it. I don't know if it's only because she's gay or because she's with me but I just don't know what their problem is." I leaned into him and rested my head on his arm before he brought it around my shoulders.

"Well I don't know what anyone's problem is. You guys knew you would have to eventually deal with those people who don't exactly _agree_ with you being the way you are."

"Of course we did. And we have…a lot. But what else are we supposed to do? Just hide from everyone? Stay in the closet for the rest of our lives because we're too afraid of someone being mean to us?"

"No and I'm really proud that you didn't hide."

"I mean…I technically did…for a really long time."

"But not from your parents. You told them when you were what? Fourteen?"

"Thirteen actually."

"See? You might not think it but that was a pretty brave thing to do for someone so young. And even now, Mitchie telling her parents the truth, it still is. Regardless of the outcome she shouldn't regret telling them."

"But…why does coming out and saying you're gay have to be _brave_? Why can't it just be…normal? Why does it have to be a big deal? Why do you have to worry about it so much and be terrified of how people will take it? You don't see straight people making dramatic announcements that they're straight."

"I don't know, kid. I wish I knew but unfortunately that's just the world we live in. If there was something I could do, any way at all, to make it so that you or Mitchie or anyone didn't have to deal with any of this than I would do it. But all I can do is just love and support you, accept you for who you are, and be there for you whenever you need me."

"It's enough," I told him as I wrapped my arm around him in a hug as he held my shoulder a little tighter.

"And don't you think it'll be enough for Mitchie? I know you care about her more than you care about yourself."

"I do…but…it's just me. What if her parents never get over this? How is me being there for her enough? How am _I_ enough?"

"Alex, you need to stop worrying about this. And if Mitchie needs you she'll come to you…clearly. Let me ask you something…would you turn your back on her if she needed you just because you didn't know what to do?" I didn't even have to think. This was an easy question.

"Never."

"Exactly."

"Brian?"

"Yeah?"

"It's kind of scary when you're just…_so_ right." He let out a short laugh and shook his head. "Can I ask _you_ something now?"

"I mean if you must…"

"Brian I'm serious."

"Alright, shoot."

"If I had told you earlier…like, if you didn't find out the way you did…would your opinion of me have changed?" I asked him a little timidly. We never discussed it after the whole fiasco with my mom. Once we had cleared the air we didn't feel the need to bring it up. But I was always curious.

"What are you talking about?"

"I'm just saying…if that mess with my mom didn't happen, like if she was normal or something and I just told you…would it have been any different?"

"Alex…I didn't stick around because I had to." And that was all he said about that. I wasn't going to argue about it. I wasn't going to be stubborn. I believed him. And I was lucky. Brian's my stepdad. He isn't directly related to me. We're not blood. He got stuck with a couple of kids with a fucked up family and he could have easily bailed. But he didn't.

"Thanks, Brian."

"For what?"

"For a lot of things."

"Well I do what I can," he said and kissed the top of my head before standing up from the couch. "Why don't you go wake Mitchie up; you guys have school soon." I nodded and got up too, heading back to my bedroom. When I opened the door she was still sound asleep on her stomach. I walked over and sat on the bed and gently put my hand on her back.

"Babe, wake up." She didn't move at all and I moved back some of the hair that was falling in front of her face. I shook her shoulder lightly and her eyes finally opened. "Morning, angel."

"Morning."

"How are you feeling?" I know I didn't ask her last night because it was obvious she wasn't okay. But now that she's calmer and slept it off I wanted to know if she was okay…at all.

"I don't know."

"Did you sleep alright?" She turned over and sat up a bit.

"Yeah, for the most part. Thanks for letting me stay here. I'm sorry for waking you guys up."

"Don't even worry about it. You know how many times I've woken you up in the middle of the night?"

"You have a point." She sat up a little straighter and rubbed her eye. "Do we really have to go to school today?"

"Unfortunately. I would love to ditch, believe me, but don't you think not going is just going to cause more problems?" She didn't say anything and looked down at her hands in her lap. "You know if you don't go they'll call your parents and then you'll have a whole new mess to deal with."

"I know."

"Mitch, it's going to be fine," I told her. She picked her head up and looked at me.

"You're not just saying that, are you?"

"It's not going to be easy; I'm not going to try and sugar coat that for you. I know your parents might be difficult but no matter what they say you're going to be fine. You know, you're stronger than I am."

"No I'm not," she tried to say but I ignored her.

"If I could get through it, so can you. And I'm not just saying that." She bit her lip and was silent for a second or two.

"I love you…and I'm not just saying that either." I smiled at her and pushed a few strands of hair away from her face. My hand rested on her cheek and I leaned in to kiss her lips slowly. I pulled away after a moment and her smile mirrored mine.

"I love you too. But we still have to go to school."

"I can't believe _you're_ the one convincing me to do the right thing. What has happened to us?" she asked and rested her chin on her palm. I crawled onto her lap, straddling her, and put my arms around her neck.

"Well Brian's going to leave soon; if you want we can…be a little late to school," I whispered into her ear but she just pushed me back while laughing.

"Never mind, we're still exactly the same," she said, shaking her head. I laughed with her and placed a big kiss on her cheek. "Alright, alright, we'll go to school." She tapped my leg and I unwound my arms from her neck. "C'mon, let's get dressed."

"Or we could get undressed…and stay that way."

"Yeah, nothing's changed at all." I got off of her and helped her up too. It didn't take us long to get dressed and before we knew it we were ready to go. I could sense she was still a little out of it. But maybe school could actually take her mind off of all of this. She was wearing my clothes but her books and homework were still at her house so she was going to have to sneak back into her room to get some of her things; especially if she was going to stay with me for a while.

"You ready to go?" I asked her as she finished putting her shoes on.

"Uh yeah I just need to-" she said but stopped when there was a knock at my door.

"Yeah?"

"Can I come in?" I heard Brian's voice from the other side.

"Sure." He opened the door and stepped inside. He was now fully dressed for work in a button down shirt and black tie.

"I was wondering if I could talk to you for a minute before you guys leave."

"About what?"

"Actually I meant Mitchie," he said and Mitchie and I looked at each other and she shrugged, also not knowing what he wanted.

"Uh yeah, okay," she told him and I wordlessly left them alone so they could talk.

**Mitchie's POV**

Alex closed the door behind her and Brian quietly took a seat at the foot of her bed. I sat next to him and waited for him to say something. I figured it had something to do with me showing up here last night. It's weird; I obviously knew how Alex would feel but I guess I never really thought about how her stepdad would feel. I probably should have.

"So…what's up?" I said to get the conversation started.

"How are you?" he asked a little awkwardly. I mean, of course he's curious as to what the hell is going on with me and what's going through my head. And he let me in no questions asked so I felt like I owed it to him to tell him the truth.

"Um…alright, I guess. I mean, I'm definitely better than I was last night. Sorry about that by the way."

"You don't have to be; I understand. And you're more than welcome here Mitchie. You let Alex stay with you when she wasn't safe here. If anything, I owe you," he said with a half-hearted laugh.

"Don't think of it like that. I didn't let Alex stay with me so I could ask for favors later on."

"No I know. But still…you always have a home here if you're having problems with your family."

"Thanks Brian, that means a lot."

"No problem at all. But you know…you're going to have to eventually talk to them."

"I know; I just don't think I'm ready to face them just yet."

"That's fine. Again, I understand. Look, Mitch, I had to go through a lot with Alex and her mother. And I know you did too. Hell, you had to deal with it more than I did. And Alex might know from experience what you're going through. But I know what your parents are going through." I tilted my head and furrowed my brows.

"What do you mean?"

"I may be a little biased because I'm Alex's stepfather but you just up and leaving isn't such a good idea."

"But…I thought you said-"

"No, no, I meant what I said about you being welcome to stay here whenever you want. But it's not fair to your parents to just run away like that. Imagine how they'd feel when they knock on your door and don't get an answer. Or if they walk into your room only to find that you're missing."

"I mean…they probably can figure out where I am. There really aren't many places I would go."

"I know I never knew when Alex would leave…but even finding out months, _years _later…it hurt. A parent never wants to realize that their own kid can't come to them when they need someone."

"They don't even care. If they did then I wouldn't even be having this problem."

"They care, Mitchie. I've only met your parents a few times but I know they care."

"But how can I even talk to them when they don't want to hear anything I have to say?"

"You know, Alex didn't have parents she could go to after she came out to them. And then I came into the picture and from the start I wanted her to feel like she could talk to me about anything. But she didn't."

"Don't feel bad about that; she hardly told me anything either. I practically had to force it out of her because I was so worried. And she only told me the whole truth because she had no choice."

"Well that sounds familiar," he joked before letting out a sigh. I don't know if there was a main point he was trying to get to or if he just wanted to chat about my problems. "But still, I will always feel bad about not being there for Alex, not _really_; not as much as I should have been. And even though she isn't my biological daughter I will always see her and treat her as my own flesh and blood. Ever since her own dad left, all she had was her mom who might as well have left her too. And now I not only have to be a father to her but a mother too."

"Is there much of a difference?"

"Kind of, in my opinion anyway; besides, I was always more of a friend than a parent. But I needed to be both. As a father I have to protect her and make sure nothing bad ever happens to her and hurt anyone that hurts her. As a mother, I have to be there for her when she needs to talk about anything or if she's upset. And I'm glad that when Alex didn't have any of that here, she had you and your family."

"Alex is my best friend. I wasn't just going to say no to her."

"I know. And I guess the whole point of this is to let you know that you have that here too. You have Alex to go to when you need a friend. But like I said, I'm trying to be a father _and_ a mother to Alex. If you need a parent to go to, I'm here for you too." As strange as it sounded it was probably exactly what I needed to hear. I didn't want to start getting all emotional even though I thought I was about to. I just smiled before standing up from Alex's bed.

"Thank you," I told him before leaning down and giving him a hug. When I stood up straight again I patted him on his back and bit my lip to hold in my amusement. "You make a good mom, Brian." He laughed and stood from the bed too.

"Thanks, I try. I got to get to work, but remember what I said about talking to your parents."

"I will. I promise…I'll try." He nodded and left the room and shortly after Alex walked back in.

"What was that all about?"

"Nothing, he was just giving me the whole _supportive best friend's parent_ talk."

"That was nice of him."

"Yeah, it was. Thanks again Lex. I really don't know what I would do without you…and Brian." She smiled sweetly at me and kissed my cheek again before taking my hand in hers.

"Anytime."

* * *

><p><strong>Alex's POV<strong>

Mitchie seemed to be okay throughout the school day. She was quiet but not as upset as she was before. We were sitting at our regular lunch table; Mitchie was sitting right next to me while Eric and Frank sat across from us. She would say something every now and then but I could tell her mind was elsewhere.

"Mitch, why are you being so quiet again?" Frank asked randomly. I guess it was obvious to everyone, not just me.

"Yeah what are you still nervous about your parents?" Eric added in and Mitchie just sighed and slouched in her seat.

"Um…kind of." I didn't say anything because it was obviously not my place to tell. And besides I didn't want her to talk about it again until she really wants to. "I told them last night…it didn't go so well."

"Oh…that sucks."

"Yeah, I'm sorry." That seemed to end the subject. I was actually surprised Frank didn't try to make a joke out of it or say something inappropriate.

"Thanks, it's okay though; I'll be fine."

"Don't sweat it too much Mitch; if you need a place to stay my bed is always available." Oh…there's the inappropriate comment.

"Dude…"

"What?" Eric reached over smacked him on the back of his head.

"Idiot."

"I was just trying to be nice," Frank defended and Mitchie even let a small laugh pass her lips. It was the first real smile I've seen from her since we got to school. "But seriously…my bed."

"Looks like you're making your rounds with _all_ of your friends, aren't you Mitchie?" And at the sound of a certain cheerleader's voice, her smile disappeared. Mitchie rolled her eyes and set her jaw tight, possibly to refrain from going off on her.

"Get lost Brooke, I'm not in the mood," she told her as calmly as she could manage and I was actually surprised she didn't get hostile right away.

"What's the matter, too worn out? Have a _rough_ night or something?"

"You know, the whore jokes are really starting to become disgustingly old."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever you say, Precious." She took a deep breath in and out through her nose but I felt her tense up still.

"And the fat jokes…" Her hands balled into fists under the table. I put my hand on her leg to get her to relax.

"What about the gay jokes?" she sneered like she was so damn pleased with herself. But to my surprise, again, Mitchie said nothing. But I could see that her comments, no matter how unimportant they were, still got to her. "What? The dyke finally has nothing to say?" Frank and Eric were just sitting watching carefully, probably hoping for another chick fight. "You're not-"

"Oh would you just fucking leave already?" I said, getting fed up with her.

"And the littlest lesbian grows a pair…"

"How is this even still fun for you? Because I'm bored, to be honest. Please, call me a faggot; you haven't used that one in a while."

"Shut up, Alex." I held up my middle finger uncaringly as I picked at the food on my tray. I heard her scoff and her and her friend started to walk away. But before they even took more than two steps Brooke bumped into Mitchie's shoulder, knocking the drink off her tray and spilling it on her lap. "Oops." Mitchie pushed her seat back a little but that's all she did. She didn't say anything. She didn't even look at Brooke. I've never seen Mitchie not react _at all _to the cheerleader.

"What the fuck Brooke?" And I couldn't believe how mad _I _was getting. This was weird. She's usually the one going off on the girl and I have to tell her to let it go. I didn't think she'd actually listen to me but after last night I feel entirely too protective of Mitchie.

"What? It was an accident," she said unconvincingly as she turned to walk away again. Mitchie remained quiet but I could see in her eyes she was pissed. As she passed me I impulsively stuck my foot out, getting it caught like a hook around Brooke's ankle. She tripped and fell forward, landing in her own tray.

"Oops," I said back to her as Frank and Eric burst out laughing. Plenty of others in the cafeteria saw and laughed along with them. Mitchie just stared at the cheerleader on the floor with her jaw slightly dropped.

"I can't believe you just did that," she finally said, facing me.

"Wha-" I stuttered. "I'm sorry. Did you not want me to?" I don't know what happened. When did we completely…switch places?

"Are you kidding? That was awesome."

"Well I couldn't let you have all the fun all the time." She let out her own laughter and Brooke's friend helped her off the floor. She shook some of the food off of her but didn't bother with retaliation. She simply turned around and walked away.

"Damn Alex, you shut her up _good_," Eric said, almost congratulatory. Frank was still too busy cracking up.

"She was pissing me off."

"Oh," Mitchie dragged out, linking her arm with mine and kissing my cheek. "You're cute when you're mad."

"Really?"

"Well…sometimes."

"Sometimes?"

"Yeah other times you're just annoying," she stated nonchalantly and I feigned hurt with a dramatically loud gasp.

"Mitchie I am offended."

"Oh shut up, you're cute all the time." I smiled brightly at her and tapped my finger to my lips and she leaned in to kiss them quickly.

"_Gay_," Frank and Eric said in unison when we pulled apart, kind of like they always do.

"Why do we still hang out with them?" I asked Mitchie and she just shrugged.

"Beats me."

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

It's only been a few days that I have been staying with Alex but it feels like much longer. And I thought I would enjoy living with her again. And don't get me wrong because I do, I really do. I have missed living with her so much. I used to love waking up to her and I love having that feeling back. But it's been hard.

And it's not because of Alex, not at all. My parents have been relentless. They kept calling me. But I never answered. I just couldn't. I'm not ready. I'm nervous. I'm scared. I don't know what they're going to say and I probably wouldn't even know how to respond. I know I said I'd try…and I will…but not right now.

Alex and I walked through her front door after I had picked her up from work. She was exhausted again, I could tell. She didn't even make it to her room. She immediately collapsed onto the couch. I took a seat next to her, moving her legs out of my way as she made herself comfortable and shut her eyes.

"You _literally_ just set foot in the house, are you seriously sleeping already?" I asked but only got a few mumbles as an answer. "And that's my cue to start doing homework…" I trailed off and looked at Alex. Her breathing had already started evening out; she'd be asleep in no time. "It's not like _you_ were going to do it anyway, right?" When I got no response I nodded my head. "Alright then." I opened my book on top of her legs that she hasn't moved from my thighs and started reading.

"Hey Mitch," Brian greeted as he walked into the kitchen to start making dinner. "Where's Alex? I thought you went to go get her."

"I did," I said, pointing to the passed out girl sleeping on the couch beside me. "She's out cold."

"Again?"

"Are you surprised?"

"No, not really," he laughed and turned back to take something out of the fridge. "So uh…have you spoken to your parents at all yet?"

"Um…no."

"Have they tried to talk to you?"

"A few times, yeah." It was silent for a while. Neither of us said anything as he continued to make dinner and I continued to do my homework.

"I know it's none of my business," he said out of nowhere, grabbing my attention again. "But if they're making the effort then you really shouldn't ignore them."

"I know I shouldn't but…last time I spoke to them we were all angry and screaming at each other."

"Don't you think they've calmed down by now?"

"You really must not know my mother," I joked with a humorless laugh.

"Seriously though Mitch, talk to them. They're going to think you hate them."

"I already think they hate me. What difference does it make?"

"Well _do_ you hate them?" As upset as I was with them the thought of me actually hating my parents seemed…ridiculous. I mean, I was hurt because of what happened and how they took it. But I don't think I could ever _hate_ them.

"No."

"I'm not going to force you to talk to them but I just think-"

"I know you're not. But…I know you're right. I know I have to talk to them." I fidgeted with the page of my book between my thumb and my forefinger. "I'll go home later tonight." As much as I didn't want to have this talk soon, I really didn't want my parents to think that I hate them.

"Good for you. And hey, if it doesn't work out again you can always come right back here. Like I said before, you have family here too. I'm sure Alex would tell you the same." I looked down at my girlfriend who was now in such a deep sleep I don't think a bomb going off in her living room would wake her. A weak smile tugged at my lips.

"Yeah I know she would."

"Alright well dinner should be ready in like twenty minutes."

"Hopefully Alex can wake up from her coma by then," I said sarcastically and he laughed before going back to the stove. I continued to do my homework for the next twenty minutes while Alex stayed knocked out next to me. She was quiet for the most part; occasionally she would shift or mumble in her sleep.

As I finished writing something I felt her moving again. She mumbled some more and squirmed a bit. I glanced down at her with a raised eyebrow wondering what the hell she was doing. I lowered the TV a bit and over the sound of an infomercial, heard the faintest moan escape her lips. My eyes widened.

"Oh my God," I said while trying to stifle my laughter. "Alex, shut up," I whispered and I thought it worked because I didn't hear anything. I sighed in relief but it was short lived because she moaned again and, as quickly as I could, I raised the volume up so high that there was no way anyone could hear her.

"Hey Mitch isn't that a little loud?" Brian asked, finally turning back from setting the table to look at what was going on in the living room.

"Yeah, sorry I just um…really like infomercials," I replied lamely, not able to come up with anything else so quickly.

"You like infomercials?"

"Well…some of them," I said before lowering it back to a normal volume. Brian went back to whatever was on the stove and I turned back to Alex. "Wake up," I hissed urgently through gritted teeth but when I heard her breathing pick up and get a little heavier I moved her legs off of mine and shoved her off the couch hard with my foot. She collided with the hardwood and immediately woke up to groan in pain.

"What the fuck just happened?" she asked, clearly confused as to how she ended up on the floor.

"You wouldn't shut up. You sounded like you were having quite an interesting dream," I smirked and she thought for a second before a look of realization washed over her.

"Oh…whoops."

"I didn't think you'd fall into such a deep sleep so fast…and I didn't think you'd have sex dreams while we were sitting on your couch…while your stepdad is only a few feet away from us," I told her quietly so Brian wouldn't hear our conversation. He didn't even seem to notice Alex fell at all.

"Well…I blame you."

"What!"

"You kept putting your hands on my legs."

"I was trying to do homework and you used me as a footrest. And then out of nowhere you started moaning. Were you having fun with dream-Mitchie again?" She crossed her arms and scoffed.

"And what makes you think I was dreaming about you?"

"Well judging by your noises it was either me or like…a taco." She held back her laughter and sat back on the couch again to kiss my cheek. "It better have been me."

"It was you."

"Oh I'm flattered. You're just lucky Brian didn't hear."

"Yeah and thanks for the concussion, babe. You really like pushing me off of things, don't you? What is this like the…hundredth time or?"

"Shut up…and _you're welcome_."

"Guys, dinners ready," Brian called out to us from the kitchen.

"Finally! What are we having?" she asked as we stood from the couch.

"Tacos."

"Try and contain your orgasm this time, _babe_," I said in her ear before patting her cheek twice. She laughed and shook her head at me as we both took a seat at the dinner table.

"I hate you."

* * *

><p>I fiddled with my keys and my cell phone in my hand as I contemplated my next move. I could have called but I knew this had to be done in person, face to face. I stared at my front door. Should I knock or ring the doorbell? Should I open it myself? I don't know if I want to do this anymore.<p>

I drew in a deep breath. I could do this. It's not like I was coming out to them again. Surely I could face my parents now. It hasn't even been a whole week but I thought I was going to start shaking. Why was I so afraid of my parents? I felt like…like Alex. I have nothing to be afraid of. My mom isn't like hers. It's not like I'm going to go in there and get the shit beat out of me.

I played around with my keys for a moment longer before finally deciding to just…walk in. I opened the door carefully and stepped into my house. My mom and dad were sitting together on the couch in the living room. Both of them immediately looked up when I shut the door behind me.

"Um…hi guys," I said nervously to get this talk over with. My dad was the first to stand up and walk over to me. He looked extremely pissed. I was suddenly terrified.

"Oh, look…Michelle is back," he said before crossing his arms against his chest.

"Dad, I-"

"No Mitch. I'm talking." I closed my mouth and waited for him to start. "Are you out of your mind? Where the hell do you get off just leaving this house without telling us?"

"Oh come on, like you didn't know where I was. I obviously went to Alex's house."

"I don't care!" he yelled and I flinched. "You don't _ever_ leave this house without telling me where you're going! What if you didn't go to Alex's and we just assumed you were there? What if something had happened to you but we thought _oh everything is okay she's just at Alex's_?"

"But nothing happened to me! You knew I was at Alex's so I don't know what the big deal is."

"No Mitchie, I didn't know! Stop assuming I just _know_ what's going on with you because _obviously_ neither of us know anything about you!"

"Okay! I'm sorry, alright? I'm sorry! But what else was I supposed to do, Dad?" I asked desperately on the verge of tears.

"You are supposed to stay here and talk to us!"

"How can I talk to you when all you guys are doing is yelling at me?"

"I can't help but yell when you lie to us, don't watch your attitude, and then _leave_ without a single word."

"Oh sure, this is all my fault. Well _I'm sorry_ I'm such a terrible daughter. I didn't _like_ lying to you guys."

"I didn't say you're a terrible daughter. But I will not have you running off in the middle of the night to have you never come back home!"

"I was going to come back eventually," I mumbled quietly while looking down but he made me look back up at him.

"I didn't know that," he said seriously. "Do you have _any_ idea what it is like when your daughter runs away and you have no clue as to when she's coming back…or if she's ever coming back at all? You don't. We're not going to be like Alex's family. You're not going to run away. We're going to sit here and actually talk about this!"

"We wouldn't have to talk about anything if you guys would just stop being difficult about this!" I shouted back before turning to go to my room. He grabbed my arm and pulled me back, making me sit in a chair at the dinner table.

"You're not leaving! Fucking sit down and let's finally talk about this like a family!" I don't even think he was this angry when I woke up in the hospital because of my eating disorder both times. I've never seen my dad so pissed off.

"How are we a family right now?"

"We're a family because you're our daughter and we love you and we don't want anything to happen to you so _sit down_."

"Fine," I said reluctantly but I remembered Brian's words from before…and Alex's. I need to talk to them. I can't give up on my relationship with them. "I'm sorry," I told them, my voice a calmer tone.

"It's okay. Just…never do something stupid like that ever again."

"I won't. I was just…scared."

"Scared of what?"

"Obviously _this_. Dad, I didn't want us to be screaming and fighting with each other. I just wanted to tell you the truth."

"Then why couldn't you do that from the beginning?" I stayed quiet and looked down again and this time he didn't force me to look at him again. "How long, Mitch?"

"Since…I don't know…a while I guess but I only realized last March or April or something."

"So it's been a year."

"Um…yes."

"So you lied to us for a year."

"Technically I didn't lie. It's not like I said I was straight," I said, attempting a joke to lighten the mood but I don't think it worked. "I'm sorry."

"Look, Mitchie…I don't want you to lie to us anymore…and I don't want to yell at you anymore." I didn't fail to notice that my mother hasn't said a word since I've returned home. "Now we may not understand this…at all…but arguing isn't going to do us any good."

"Mitchie…" my mom finally said to me. I almost didn't want to listen to her because I was still so mad. But I had to give her a chance. "I want to…apologize…for the way I reacted." I just stared at her waiting for her to continue. It's not like I could form a response anyway. "I was being unreasonable. I should have heard you out first."

"Will you guys hear me out now?"

"Yes," they both said at the same time. I sighed and tried to collect my thoughts to get this right.

"Okay…well…I'm gay. And I'm sure of it. I'm not confused. It's not a phase and I'm not…_experimenting_. No one influenced me. I came to this realization on my own. I honestly cannot see myself…being with a guy. And…I don't think I ever did. This is who I am. And the only thing I want is for my parents to be okay with it," I finished and it was silent again. I waited and waited for them to react. "Will you guys ever be okay with it?" I had tears in my eyes; I could feel them.

"Honey," my mom started. "First things first…we love you."

"Yes, and we always will. Remember that," my dad added in. My heart was still racing though.

"Now, I know I said I won't accept this…" I wonder if my neighbors could hear my heart beating against my chest. I felt like my ears were ringing. "But your father and I talked…and we're willing to try." My throat felt dry, like something was stuck in it and I couldn't swallow past it.

"You are?" They both nodded their heads. They didn't look one hundred percent okay with this but it was a step forward. "Are you just saying that because you don't want me to leave again or because you actually mean it and really want to try?"

"Both." I looked at my mom carefully. She sounded sincere.

"Mitch, I don't want you to feel like your own home is something you have to run away from. I don't want you to think _we_ are something you have to run away from. We want you to feel comfortable enough to come and talk to us. And we'll work on how we react to the things you tell us." I turned back to my dad as my tears continued to slowly descend down my face. My eyes burned a little.

"So what does this mean?"

"It means…that even though we don't see eye to eye right now, it doesn't mean we never will."

"And what about Alex?" I asked her, knowing how bipolar she is when it comes to how she feels about her.

"What about her?"

"I told you that she's my girlfriend. Can we work on accepting that too? Because she's not going anywhere."

"Mitchie, we know Alex means a lot to you. And we love Alex and treat her like she's family," my dad explained. "That's not going to change…right, Connie?" He turned to his wife and we both waited for her to say something.

"Right." It didn't look like it killed her to admit that like I thought it would have.

"You don't think I should stay away? You're not going to ban me from seeing her?"

"There's no point; you're obviously going to see her no matter what I say. But no, I'm not going to stop you or stand in your way. If we're going to work on this then we're going to have to get used to this…relationship."

"Really?"

"Really." I wiped the side of my face that was wet with my tears with the palm of my hand.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." This was weird. I've never felt so much awkwardness or tension around my mom and I didn't like that we were like this now. But maybe now that we actually talked we could work things out and go back to normal…maybe all of us can.

"I promise I won't lie to you guys or leave again. I didn't mean to cause problems."

"You're not causing problems. We just don't want you to run away from things. If you do then we'll never be able to get through anything and then we'll just be fighting the rest of our lives."

"I know." We just stayed like that for a moment. No one said anything. And then out of nowhere my dad took a step closer to me and engulfed me in a tight hug, a hug which I immediately returned. I wrapped my arms around him and my tears returned before I felt another pair of arms hugging me too. This is what I wanted from the beginning. This is what I needed to hear from them. I don't care if they don't accept me now; the fact that they're willing to try is enough for me. I just sat there in my mom and dad's embrace. "I'm sorry." And I continued to cry. It's all I could do. "I love you." They kissed the top of my head and I still cried.

"We love you too, sweetie."

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Crash And Burn by Savage Garden (lol, whatever)**


	35. Perfect

**A/N 1: Finally, this should have been up a while ago but...I don't even know. I'm slow, I apologize. ANYWAY this is the second to last chapter. Kind of long but...what else is new? I hope you like it, I kinda rushed through editing but I think I did a good job. NEXT CHAPTER IS THE LAST ONE AD THEN THIS STORY IS FINALLY DONE. Enjoy this.**

**Read/Review, all that shit**

**And follow me on Twitter! (at symbol) manhatanProject so you can stay updated on my writing...and other random shit I talk about.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>35. Perfect<p>

_If the point's to never disappoint you  
><em>_Somebody's got to tell me what to do  
><em>_Just wish you could've seen me when it used to come so easy  
><em>_I'd like to say that it's easy to stay but it's not for me  
><em>'_Cause I'm barely here at all  
><em>_Slow down now, the secret's out_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I would love nothing more than to say this past month has been great. Ever since I came back home and talked things out with my parents I was hoping that everything would go back to normal. I haven't taken off randomly and I'm not trying to give my parents any attitude. But I can't help but feel we're not exactly moving forward.

I love my parents, I really do. And I know they love me too. I don't doubt that. But that doesn't necessarily mean that they accept me. Now there's a distinct difference between the two of them when it comes to how they feel about me. But then again I think there always has been. My dad doesn't really mention it; it doesn't seem to bother him. My mother is a different story.

I would like for her to just…I don't know…get over it, but I know that's just wishful thinking. She doesn't outright say she doesn't like the fact that I'm gay but she doesn't have to. I can just tell. And I have called her out on it. That only ever resulted in us fighting…again. Our fights aren't _bad_, but the fact that they happen at all is just wearing me out.

"_Bye Mom, I'll be back later," I shouted to her as I reached for the doorknob. I thought I could avoid a conversation—interrogation—before I left. But of course, my mother had other plans._

"_Hold on, Mitchie," she said, magically appearing behind me. I held back a groan of annoyance and turned around. "It's a school night."_

"_I'm going out with Alex for a while. I won't be late." She has been doing this a lot. And it never gets less annoying._

"_Where are you going?"_

"_I don't know, out" I said with a shrug. I honestly didn't know what we were doing or where we were going. All Alex said was she wanted to go out tonight, just the two of us. So she knew all the details._

"_Are you going to be alone or with other people?" I rolled my eyes, not caring if she saw. I know I've been trying to not give them attitude but I swear it's like she's asking for it sometimes._

"_Alone, that's usually how dates work."_

"_Oh you're going on a date?"_

"_Yeah, we've been so busy we haven't had the chance to spend any time together."_

"_But you see each other at school all the time…"_

"_Only during lunch and a couple classes but we're never actually alone."_

"_Mitchie-"_

"_Look mom, I get that you're still not comfortable with this even though you keep pretending that you are. But the fact of the matter is Alex is my girlfriend and we're going to go out every now and then. I'm sure you've dated before, clearly, because you're married."_

"_I'm not pretending I just think-"_

"_You do this literally every time I walk out of the house. Why do you think I haven't brought Alex around in such a long time?"_

"_I haven't noticed."_

"_You never had a problem with her coming over or spending the night when we weren't together. I don't get why things are different now."_

"_Mitchie just because you're dating a girl doesn't mean the rules are going to change. I never let that Shane boy sleep over."_

"_I never wanted him to. But Alex is my best friend. And why don't you trust me? Brian trusts us to be alone together and he's not even my dad. Don't you think I'm respectful enough to not do anything in your house?"_

"_Of course I do sweetie."_

"_Then what's the problem? Just admit that you're still not okay with this." She stayed quiet for a moment and I didn't want to let it show that it really made me upset._

"_It's not that I'm not okay with it."_

"_You even said that you weren't. I'm no different now than I was last year, Mom. I'm still the same person. I'm just happy now. I'm not lying to myself…or to anyone anymore. And I know you still think it's…weird or whatever. But I hate fighting with you about this."_

"_Fine then you should probably get going." She turned around to leave me alone and, out of nowhere, guilt, of all things, creeps up on me._

"_And I hate going out knowing you're not okay with it," I admitted, stopping her from leaving. But it was true. I love Alex to death and I wouldn't ever even think about letting anything get in the way of our relationship. "I hate feeling guilty when I know I shouldn't. But I can't help but feeling I'm just constantly disappointing you and I'm not the daughter you wanted or wanted me to be." I truly hated this ongoing tension with my mom._

"_I told you I'm trying," she said. I know she didn't want to admit that. And I know it's to avoid constantly arguing with me. Part of me appreciates it. And I don't know why. Part of me also doesn't believe it. But I don't know what it's like to be in a position like that. I don't know what it's like to see someone I love and care about and know deep down in my heart that I'm not okay with who they are._

"_Alright, fine. Then I guess I'm leaving." When I heard no further protest or anything else from my mom I sighed and turned back around and left._

That was an ongoing instance. And if she wasn't questioning where I was going she would show little to zero interest in anything in my life. She spoke to me less. And when she would it was only to question me more. What am I doing? Where am I going? Who am I going to be with? How late am I staying at Alex's or am I coming home at all?

I didn't want Alex to feel like she was unwelcome in my home so I did have her over occasionally. The rare times that she would come over we almost never left my room. Before we were out to my parents we would migrate from my room to the living room couch to the kitchen and back. But now I don't want to risk it.

As intimate as it sounds, it isn't…at all. Not that Alex and I would actually get intimate when my mom or my dad were home—except that _one time_—but I felt like we were under a microscope. It was like living in a fishbowl when she came over. Even if we were alone in my room I felt like we were constantly being watched. And sometimes, we were.

My mom has made it clear that she wants this _open door policy_ in effect at all times when Alex comes over. She would check up on us when we would literally be doing nothing but watching television or doing homework…or even just talking. It's not like we were going to start going at it with my door wide open anyway.

"You okay, babe?" I snapped out of my thoughts and looked up at Alex to find her staring at me with only slightly concerned eyes.

"What?"

"I don't know, you just looked really…sad…all of a sudden." My hand was in hers as we walked at a leisurely pace throughout the park. "Actually, you've been doing that a lot lately."

"I'm sorry. I don't mean to."

"It's fine, just…what's going on?"

"Same crap as always."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"Not really," I told her honestly. I had no problem opening up to Alex…about pretty much everything now. If I had a problem with my parents I would talk to her. If I had a problem related to school or certain people at our school I'd talk to her. If I was having problems with my anxiety or eating disorder or if I was ever feeling insecure I would talk to her. That was something we were both extremely adamant about working on. We don't bottle our feelings anymore. "I don't want to ruin our night by bringing it up."

"You're not ruining our night. I just don't like seeing you upset," she said before taking a sip from the milkshake in her hand that we had gotten from the local ice cream truck. She handed it back to me and she tugged my hand to lead me to a nearby bench. "Come on, let's sit."

"Alex," I whined slightly as she pulled me down to sit next to her.

"Mitchie," she whined back, mimicking me. "Shut up and let's talk." I laughed despite my reluctance and brought the straw to my lips.

"About what?"

"You're funny," she said, rolling her eyes.

"Thanks, I try really hard." She snatched the cup from my hand again and I frowned. I tried to take it back but she moved her arm so I couldn't reach it. "Bully."

"I'll give it back if you answer me something." I huffed and leaned against the bench.

"Fine…what?"

"Nothing, I just wanted you stop so I could have more," she admitted with a smile and resumed drinking the milkshake. I slapped her shoulder. "I'm kidding!" she exclaimed, grabbing my hand and offering the drink back to me. "So…what's on your mind, beautiful?"

"How do you feel about us?" I asked her, not entirely avoiding the subject.

"How do I feel…about…what?" She sounded beyond confused at my random question. She scrunched her eyebrows together. "Like, how do I feel about you? Or our relationship?"

"Both…in regards to everything that's happened lately."

"And by lately you mean this past month, right?" I nodded. "Well, for starters…I love you. I mean, I don't know if I've told you that lately or…"

"You have."

"And I'm going to skip the obvious and go right to what I think it is that's on your mind. Our relationship is…amazing. Ever since we got back together, I just feel…better now. I'm happier. I actually have a relationship with my family. I think I'm more pleasant to be around," she chuckled and intertwined our fingers. "But really, I think I'm better now. _We're_ better now. And you just…I'm really proud of you, you know?" I looked at her and tilted my head, sipping on the straw.

"For what?"

"For everything, but especially this whole thing with your parents. I'm glad you went back home to sort everything out. I really didn't want you to give up on them. I didn't get that but you deserve it, Mitch. You deserve to be happy."

"So do you."

"And I am. I'm the happiest I've ever been. But I can tell that you're not."

"But that's not your fault though."

"I know. You're upset about your parents. And your mom being on our case twenty-four-seven isn't putting a strain on our relationship, not for me anyway."

"Really? It doesn't bother you that we can never get a second alone?"

"It does but I don't mind. It's not like I'm going to tell your mom to leave us alone. I still want her to like me," she laughed but her face dropped a little. "Even though I feel like she doesn't…and never has."

"I don't know what's going on in her mind. She doesn't really talk to me all that much anymore."

"Maybe it's because she doesn't want to upset you with what she has to say."

"You think so?"

"Or…" she trailed off, playing with my fingers in her hand a bit. "She doesn't know what she wants to say to you."

"What do you mean?"

"She loves you; she's probably just confused by all of this. I mean, you dropped this on her out of nowhere. Surely, she didn't see it coming. I bet she's being distant because she doesn't understand."

"But my dad's fine with it."

"He is?"

"Yeah, he doesn't treat me any differently. If I tell him I'm going out with you for a while or if I'm going to your house he just says _have fun_ or _don't be too late_. He was really only mad because I lied to him for so long and then I left without a word, which I get. I was being kind of a bitch anyway…even though my mom kind of deserved it." I offered the last of the milkshake to her and she let go of my hand to finish it off.

"I don't know, Mitch. I don't have much experience with supportive parents. I have Brian, who I am pretty sure was just relieved that I wasn't dead or something. Then there's Max, but he was more silent support throughout the whole thing anyway."

"So just…wait it out and see what happens?"

"If you want to avoid always arguing with your mom then yeah, I think that's a good idea. But I don't want to tell you what to do. It's your family after all."

"But I don't know what to do," I half whined, leaning my head on her shoulder.

"You know what the difference between me and you is? Besides a lot of things, I mean."

"What?"

"You love your mom." I picked my head up and looked at her. She didn't look like she was trying to make a joke. And that was actually extremely sad. "I did…a long time ago. But after a while I just didn't care anymore. There was no point in trying or hoping. She hated me so I wasn't going to waste my breath anymore."

"It seemed to work out for you…eventually," I told her and she let out a dry laugh.

"It sure took a while." She tossed the empty cup into a nearby trashcan and wrapped her arm around me, bringing my head back to her shoulder. "But it did work out…just like you said it would. And it'll work out for you too." She kissed my temple and I found myself smiling through the ache tugging at my heart.

"Thanks. And hey, if worse comes to worst, I could always purposely go away to college just so I won't have to deal with it," I said and she shook her head. "I'm kidding. I think we've both learned that running away doesn't exactly solve anything."

"Unless we run away together, now _that_ would be something."

"Nah, I don't want to be stuck with you for that long," I joked and she scoffed, retracting her arm and shoving me off the bench. She started laughing hysterically as I stared up at her from where I now sat on the ground.

"I'm sorry," she managed to say through her laughter. "I didn't think you'd actually fall."

"I can't believe you pushed me off the bench," I said, slightly in awe, but I couldn't help but laugh too.

"Well now you know how it feels. And you're lucky it's just grass…you baby. You know how many times you-" she started to say when I reached up and yanked her arm to pull her down with me. She landed by my side on her back. "So…what is this, a hundred and one times now?"

"Oh shut up, there is no way I've pushed you over a hundred times."

"Close enough. And you called _me_ a bully."

"You _are_ a bully," I stated firmly even though I wasn't being serious. She rolled over and straddled my hips, pinning my arms above my head. "You know I could easily get out of this, right?" I challenged her but she stayed where she was. When she didn't say anything I sat up and flipped us over, smiling down at her triumphantly.

"See, look at you…picking on the weak."

"Overdramatic." She struggled underneath me for a bit but eventually gave up and sighed in defeat.

"Okay, you win. And don't look so smug; maybe I just like being underneath you," she said cheekily, winking at me.

"Pervert." She ran her hands up my legs, bringing them up to my ass and pulling me down closer. I slapped her hands. "We're in the park; have some decency."

"You're no fun."

"You're inappropriate."

"Babe, you say that like it's a bad thing." I rolled my eyes playfully and loosened my grip on her so that I wasn't pinning her down anymore, just laying on top of her. "Oh but I forgot the little angel has to behave," she teased while pinching my cheeks with both her hands.

"Shut up, I'm not an angel."

"You're _my_ angel, baby girl," she corrected and I laughed at her. "Can I ask you something?"

"No, we're not having sex in the park."

"I wasn't going to ask that!" she said in defense but I just looked at her.

"You were thinking it."

"I mean…maybe…"

"Alex!"

"It's not what I was going to ask though…"

"Alright…what is it, sweetheart?" She looked nervous for a moment, like she was contemplating what she was going to say in her head.

"Have you decided what you're going to do next year?" she asked and my face fell. I didn't see that coming at all. I probably should have considering school's almost over for the seniors and colleges are expecting us to make our final decisions.

"Are you sure you don't want to just have sex in the park?" I offered. This time it was her face that fell.

"You'd really have sex in the park _right now_ just so you won't have to talk about this?"

"Well…no."

"C'mon Mitch, you knew we were going to have to have this talk sooner or later."

"I pick later."

"But…why…"

"I don't want to."

"Why though?"

"Because…" I said lamely but she kept urging me to continue.

"Because why?"

"Because I don't want to leave you!" I blurted out before getting off of her and sitting in the grass by her feet instead. She sat up and looked at me with a thoughtful look on her face.

"But…Mitch, I told you-"

"Yeah I know what you told me. But it doesn't change the fact that no matter where I end up I'm still going to miss you. And if I just stay home you're going to think you're holding me back."

"And I don't want to hold you back."

"You're not though."

"Where do you want to go, Mitch? And I know you don't want to stay home and commute to school. You've been saying you want to go away to college since we started high school." I looked down at the grass beneath me instead of her. She put her hand on my knee. "I want you to go wherever you want to go. We'll make it work."

"Well…out of state, I only applied to Northeastern, which I didn't even get into, and BU. But Boston's far."

"It's not that bad. Did you apply to any colleges upstate?"

"No, those are even farther than Boston. And besides I don't even like upstate New York. I'm too used to living in a city."

"Okay, so what else is there?"

"There's St. John's University and Queens College here. In Manhattan there's NYU and Pace-"

"You got into NYU?" she asked and I realized that I never told her I got my acceptance letter from there. I was shocked myself.

"Oh…yeah, did I not tell you that?" She shook her head and then it was silent again.

"Do you want to go there?"

"I don't know, Alex…"

"NYU is a really good school though. And it's in Manhattan. It's not like we're going to be a million miles away; it's just a short train ride or two."

"I know but I only really applied there because my mom wanted me to. I applied to a bunch of other CUNY schools too but those are just backups."

"What about Long Island?"

"Yeah that's the thing. I think I want to go to school in Long Island…I just don't want you to think I'm doing it because I don't want to be away from you, which I don't. But still…"

"And I don't want to be away from you either. You promise your decision isn't based on me?" she asked seriously and I nodded my head. "And it's definitely where you want to go?" I had weighed out the pros and cons of every school I got into. I was sure of this now.

"Yes." She bit her lip and looked at me for a moment before offering a small smile.

"Then I'm happy for you, Mitch. And like I said, we'll make it work…no matter what."

* * *

><p>A couple weeks later and I think there was a little bit of progress with my mom. She has been less nosy and annoying when Alex would come over but she still sometimes looks uncomfortable with the fact that her daughter is gay. But regardless, it was still some form of progress.<p>

But of course, just as something even slightly good happens, I just _have_ to be crushed to death because that's just how fantastic my life is. The wonderful month of April meant that yet another holiday was rolling around. And another holiday means another chance to see the president of my fan club.

I begged my mom to not host Easter at our house tonight. It would mean I have less chances of an escape when my grandmother unleashes her reign of terror on me. She said it wouldn't be that many people, just my grandparents, my aunt, uncle, and my cousin. But I still wasn't happy about it.

"Mitchie!" I heard my name being shouted from the kitchen. It was strange considering my mom hasn't seemed this excited to talk to me in a long time.

"Yeah?" I said once I walked out of my bedroom. She was standing with my dad at the island preparing food.

"Your cousin Anthony broke his leg last night and…Mitchie honey why aren't you dressed yet?"

"What? I was just about to and what happened to Anthony?"

"He was in an accident on his motorcycle."

"Oh my God is he okay?"

"He's fine; his leg is the worst of his injuries. But he can't really go anywhere so his parents wanted to stay with him until they let him out of the hospital. So they won't be able to make it today," she said, almost apologetically. Oh I knew what this meant.

"So it's just going to be us and Grandma and Grandpa?" I asked, already knowing the answer. It's not like I'm mad at my aunt and uncle, or even my cousin, for not coming today. I would have stayed in the hospital if my son was in an accident too. I just really wanted more people around to distract my grandmother.

"Well no, there's going to be Alex and her family too," she said nonchalantly and I just froze, staring. My eyes darted back and forth between the two of them.

"What? They're coming over?" I asked them, almost incredulously. "Since when?"

"Since I invited them last week."

"But…why?"

"I thought you'd be a little bit happier when you found out."

"I am happy it's just…I didn't think you'd actually…want her to come over." She stopped whatever it was she was doing in the kitchen and walked around to the other side of the island.

"You seemed really upset lately so your father and I thought it would cheer you up. And besides, we had a nice time with her family here on Christmas Eve," she pointed out and I almost laughed. Yeah, _they_ might have had a nice time. I was too busy being harassed by a seventy six year old woman.

"So you're really okay with Alex being here? Is Grandma okay with it?" I asked skeptically.

"Yes…" She didn't sound convincing at all. I looked to my dad but he turned back to something cooking on the stove.

"You're lying."

"Your grandmother liked Alex when she met her…" I still looked at her, not fully believing what she was saying. And then it hit me.

"She doesn't know, does she?" I crossed my arms and waited for her response.

"Well…no, I haven't exactly…told her yet."

"Yet? Were you honestly ever going to tell her? Does anyone else even know? Or were you just too ashamed to tell them we have a lesbian in the family?"

"Mitchie, please don't argue with me over this."

"So I'm just supposed to have my girlfriend over for dinner but pretend she's _not_ my girlfriend? Great, I spend a year trying to come out of the closet and now I'm going right back in."

"I just don't think it's the right time to tell her."

"Yeah, wouldn't want to ruin the holiday by breaking the tragic news to her," I said sarcastically.

"I just don't want you to get hurt. You know how judgmental she is."

"Sound familiar?"

"Mitchie, just go get dressed; they're going to be here any minute." I huffed in defeat and headed straight for my room. This was bullshit. I should have known she didn't tell anyone else. Was inviting Alex and her family her way of making up for not telling our family that I'm gay?

I pushed my thoughts aside. Holidays were literally the bane of my existence. A time when you're supposed to be happy and spend time with the people you love is just a miserable chore for me. At least Alex was going to be here. I just can't believe we have to act like we're just friends…_again_.

Once I was changed and ready I heard the doorbell ringing from inside. I suddenly felt nervous. I didn't know if it was Alex or my grandparents but regardless I felt like I was going to vomit. I just wanted to get this day over with already. I exited my bedroom and went to see who was at the door. To my utter displeasure, my grandparents beat the Russo's here.

"Hello sweetie," my grandpa greeted me in his usual tired voice of his. I'm surprised he even said anything at all. He usually just mumbles. I walked up to him and returned his hug and he kissed my cheek. "Happy Easter."

"Happy Easter…hi Grandma," I said in as cheerful a voice as I could muster. I put on my best fake smile and hugged the woman who has made my life a living hell since I was a child.

"Hello Michelle, so nice to see you again." She seriously managed to make even the simplest, most innocent things sounds sarcastic.

"You too."

"Uh, Mitch, can you check on the food in the oven for me?" my dad asked randomly. I raised my eyebrow in confusion but shrugged.

"Yeah, sure." I went over to the kitchen only to find that he was coming with me. "Do you really need me to help with the food?" I asked him quietly once we weren't within earshot of everyone else anymore.

"Not exactly."

"Oh…then what's up?"

"It was your mom's idea to invite Alex, and I tried to talk to her about this whole _coming out_ thing with your grandmother, but please don't start a fight over it tonight."

"Dad, I'm finally comfortable enough to not hide it anymore. I'll tell Grandma, I don't care. She already thinks so little of me anyway."

"She does not."

"Yes she does and you know it. And why are you taking her side? I thought you were okay with it."

"I am. This is just for today. I didn't want you to lie but I just want to avoid an argument on a holiday just _once_." I let out a long sigh and ran my hand through my hair. He had a point I guess.

"Fine." I know my dad is always defending me. It wasn't worth it to fight with him of all people. I just hated that I had to deal with this crap all over again.

"Thank you," he said, leaning over and kissing the top of my head. "Now…will you help me set the table before the Russo's get here?" Well it would definitely keep me busy and away from my grandma.

"Sure." I grabbed some of the plates with him and started placing them on the dining table. Not even two minutes passed before I heard the doorbell again and my heart started racing. "I got it!" I nearly ran to the door. I forgot to text Alex and tell her that we had to be straight tonight. I opened it and sure enough, Alex and her family were here. "Hey guys, happy Easter." I didn't have to fake a smile for them. I was genuinely happy to see them. Her brothers and stepdad greeted me before going in to say hello to the rest of my family. Alex was the last to step in. My smile faltered a little.

"Hey," she said happily and leaned in to kiss me. As much as I didn't want to do it, I turned my head and I felt her lips on my cheek. "What's the matter?" she asked, probably thinking she did something to upset me.

"Nothing, come with me for a second."

"Yeah sure, hang on; just let me say hi to your family." I went back to the kitchen as Alex went around the house being extra polite to everyone. My grandma seemed to be thrilled that she was joining us again and I rolled my eyes. _If only she knew_… "So what's going on?" I hadn't even realized she came back to where I was standing.

"First of all I can't believe you didn't tell me you were coming over again."

"Hey no one told me either; I just found out like an hour ago."

"Oh…well, just a heads up…we're straight today." She looked taken aback and she stared at me like I had two heads.

"We're…what?"

"Yeah, my grandparents don't know. My mom doesn't want to tell them yet," I said a little more bitterly than I had intended.

"I mean…I'll try not to have sex with you on the dinner table…" she joked and I smacked her in the chest.

"Shut up, I'm serious. You have to be careful."

"Why do _I_ have to be careful? Why don't _we_ have to be careful?"

"Because _I _have dealt with my grandma my whole life so I am always careful around her about literally _everything_. If it were up to me I'd tell her the truth but my mom thinks it's a bad idea so please?"

"Fine…does that mean I can't compliment you?" she asked and I couldn't help but smile.

"Keep it friendly."

"Well this sucks."

"Why? What were you going to say?"

"Nothing, just that this dress looks _really_ good on you…" I looked down at my outfit. The weather was definitely getting nicer and even though I'm not fully comfortable I still opted for a dress today. It was light yellow and stopped a little above the knee; I couldn't be wearing something _too short_ so my grandma could criticize me for dressing like a slut.

"Thank you." She leaned in a little closer this time, her lips dangerously close to my ear. It almost made me shiver.

"So good that I just want to rip it off and f-" I clamped my hand over her mouth as quickly as I could before she could continue and I had to refrain from widening my eyes.

"Hey Grandma!" I said with extra enthusiasm as I saw the woman enter the kitchen. I let go of Alex and tried to calm my nerves.

"What are you girls doing here?"

"Nothing, just talking. How are you?" I asked, diverting the conversation away from me and Alex.

"I've been good…" she trailed off and I could see her looking me up and down. I immediately started feeling insecure and I think Alex could sense that. "Your father tells me you're deciding on colleges."

"Yeah…well, actually…I've already decided."

"Oh you did? That's nice. Where are you going?"

"Um…I'm going to go to Adelphi University." It was silent for a moment or two. She seemed to be thinking about something.

"In Long Island?"

"Yeah it's in Garden City. It's not that far from here so it's not a hassle to come home every now and then," I continued, thinking she'd approve of my decision more if I throw in something about family.

"But I thought you got accepted to NYU…" Well…never mind then.

"I did."

"So why aren't you going there?"

"Because I don't want to."

"But it's one of the best schools in the state…"

"It's just really expensive; it's close to $60,000 a year. It doesn't seem worth it when I don't even know what I want to study."

"Oh." That's all she had to say about that. And just when I thought she was going to drop the subject she turned to Alex. "What about you, Alex? Any plans for next year?" Oh dear God _why_ did she have to ask her?

"No, actually. I'm uh…I'm not going to college," she admitted with a sheepish smile, probably feeling just as uncomfortable as I am.

"You're not?" She shook her head. "How come?"

"I don't really want to go. And besides, I just don't have the grades for it."

"So what are you going to do while all of your friends are in college? Surely you can't expect to get a decent job if-"

"Grandma."

"I'm just saying it's a waste; she seems like a bright girl. But all those kids who don't go to college or _take a year off_ to find out what they want to do are just throwing their futures away." I hate when she does this…especially when the person she's talking about is standing literally right here. I felt awkward _for_ Alex.

"Can we just drop this?"

"Fine." Well that was easy. I doubt it was completely over though. She started eyeing me again, glancing down at my outfit then back up at me.

"What?" I asked when she wouldn't stop looking at me.

"Oh, nothing…you look nice today." If I was drinking or eating something I would have definitely choked on it. I couldn't have heard her correctly. Did my grandmother just say something nice to me? She didn't even sound sarcastic this time.

"I think she looks nice every day," Alex added in once she realized I was incapable of forming a response. It was damn near impossible to hide the blush creeping up on me. My grandma looked at her but I couldn't read her expression.

"Mother could you come here for a second?" my mom said to her from the other side of the kitchen island. I practically breathed a sigh of relief. My parents both know that every now and then they need to pull my grandma away from me or else shit will hit the fan. Once she walked away I turned back to Alex.

"What?"

"Not that I don't love when you say sweet things but can you not today?"

"That was friendly! Friends say they look nice all the time."

"It's just the way you say it and the way you look at me…"

"Well I can't help it," she said with a pout. I _really_ hated that we were back in the closet for the day.

"Look, can you just…I don't know, turn your charm off…just for today?" I pleaded but she just snorted out a laugh.

"Baby with charm like mine, there is no turning it off," she said as she started to walk away from me.

"_Please_…for me?" I begged one last time to let her know I was being serious about this. She stopped and walked back to where I was standing by the sink. She came up behind me, wrapping her arms loosely around my waste and resting her chin on my shoulder.

"Fine…I'll _try_." She pressed her lips to my cheek and I smiled but quickly remembered we were still in my kitchen. I think she remembered too because she let go of me. "Sorry, habit."

"It's okay, just…no more touching. I don't want to risk it," I said, lowering my voice towards the end. I mean, my grandma was still talking to my mom not too far from us. I wonder if either of them saw what just happened.

"Mitch, you need to relax. You get like this every time," she said taking my hand lightly in hers. I seriously _just_ told her no touching. I stared at our hands until she noticed. "Damn it." She pulled her hand back and leaned against the counter. "This is harder than I thought it would be."

"Well I didn't think you-" I started to say but stopped when I heard my name coming from my mom and grandma's conversation. "Wait." I held my hand up to her, signaling for her to not say anything.

"What is it?" she whispered but I shushed her.

"I think they're talking about us." I was trying to speak as quietly and discretely as possible so they wouldn't notice me eavesdropping. But if they wanted their conversation to be private they would have gone somewhere else, not within earshot. I listened carefully. They were definitely talking about me and Alex.

"I just don't think Michelle should be around that," my grandma said to my mom.

"That's hardly a reason for her to not be friends with somebody and it's not like Alex is a bad kid. And besides, I don't choose Mitchie's friends for her. She's an adult and has good enough judgment anyway." Was my mom actually defending me?

"I'm just saying she seems a bit…" she trailed off and I furrowed my brows together. What the hell were they talking about?

"Don't do this. And I _know_ you will say something to one of them."

"I just want what's best for Michelle and I think that friend of hers isn't good for her. Don't you think their behavior is just a little questionable?"

"No…Alex has been Mitchie's best friend since she was twelve." I had to stop myself from scoffing; _best friend_. Well, she is my best friend but I just wanted to tell my grandma and get it over with.

"I just don't trust girls like her. Michelle doesn't need to be associating herself with those kind people."

"No, what she doesn't need is her own grandmother criticizing her every move and choice."

"I do not criticize her every move. I just don't think that girl is the type of person Michelle should hang out with let alone have as a _best friend_." I was glued to the conversation. I didn't even want to turn to see the look on Alex's face throughout all of this.

"Well she is going to hang out with her regardless because Alex is Mitchie's girlfriend." I think my heart just stopped. I can't believe she just told her that. I thought she didn't want to tell her tonight. My eyes widened and I held my breath waiting for my grandma's reaction.

"I beg your pardon? You don't honestly-"

"Mother," she said, stopping her before she could go on a rant. "Mitchie is gay."

"Connie, why on Earth would you say something so ridiculous?" And at that point I was completely fed up.

"It's not ridiculous," I said, effectively getting the attention of both my mom and my grandma. "It's the truth. I'm gay."

"Mitchie, were you listening this whole time?" my mom asked, finally noticing I was still standing here with Alex.

"Yeah, I could hear every wonderful thing she said about me…and my _girlfriend_."

"You see?" my grandma said to my mom, ignoring me now. "This is what I told you was going to happen. Looks like it already did. I told you to send Michelle to Catholic school, you stopped going to church, and you let her hang out with that girl."

"Are you kidding me? Last time you were here you _loved _Alex. Why does this change anything?"

"Michelle, honey, you don't know what you're talking about," she waved me off without even looking at me. I just stood there dumbfounded by the complete déjà vu I was experiencing. "How could you let this happen?" I could tell how uncomfortable Alex must have felt too because she started to slowly inch away from the three of us but I grabbed the back of her shirt and pulled her back, shaking my head.

"Stay," I ordered quietly.

"But this seems like a conversation just for you guys."

"I didn't do anything; this is just who she is," my mom defended, not paying attention to mine and Alex's side conversation.

"And you're okay with this? You're actually going to allow such a thing?" She looked at my mom expectantly, as did I. I should feel bad about my grandma's reaction but I was done getting upset because of her.

"As a matter of fact I am," she said and I was actually shocked at how much my mom was sticking up for me.

"I did not raise you this way, Connie," she scolded but my mom didn't seem to be affected by it.

"No, you didn't. You raised me to live my life strictly by the rules and to be closed off to anything anyone would consider the least bit different. And I'm glad I didn't raise Mitchie that way and I did a damn good job with it. My daughter is an honest and caring person who doesn't accept that she should be a certain way and that things are the way they are is just because it's what people like you tell her and expect her to believe."

"You are making a mistake."

"No, mother, the only mistake I made was letting any of the things you taught me to believe dictate how I feel about my own daughter. She has taken enough of your abuse over the years as it is."

"Abuse?" she asked in disbelief, shocked to hear such a word. "I do not _abuse_ Michelle."

"You have ever since she was a little girl and I had hoped that Steve and I did everything we could to keep her from criticizing and starving herself because no matter how hard she tried she didn't feel like she was good enough. But you have no right to tear her down. Mitchie is _my_ daughter, not yours." It was silent again. By now everyone in the living room had focused on us but no one said anything. All the men remained where they were seated, not wanting to deal with any of this.

"I'm very disappointed in you," she told my mom and she breathed out a sigh. It was odd seeing this play out in front of me. I could see, just by the look on my mom's face, that it hurt for her to her that from her own mother…just like it would hurt me.

"Well…the feeling is mutual. And if you have a problem, feel free to leave." It was like she was challenging her. And we all waited for her next move. She looked at my mom, then at me and Alex. And it was then that I realized that it was the first time she looked at me since I told her I'm gay. Then she turned around. And she left. She grabbed her things and walked out the door. The sound of it slamming shut echoed in my ears.

"You okay, Mitch?" I heard Alex's soft voice in my ear and I looked at my girlfriend and her worried yet sympathetic eyes.

"I'm fine." My voice was monotone, like I had been crying all night and now I was finally worn out. But I felt no desire to cry at all, not a single tear.

"Are you sure?"

"Alex…could I speak to Mitchie alone please?" my mom asked her, but it sounded a lot nicer than I thought it would. She nodded her head and went into the living room with the rest of our families. It wasn't quiet for long before my mom broke the silence first. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" I know there could be a number of things she could have been referring to but I wanted to hear her say it out loud.

"For everything; for the way I've been acting, the way I've been treating you, and for your grandmother."

"That last one isn't your fault."

"But it is. Look, honey, I know how she is. And I know that she gets to you. I know because I had to grow up with it and I just didn't want you to have to deal with the same thing."

"It always felt like Dad was the only one on my side, like you just wanted to please Grandma so you didn't care if it hurt me or not."

"Of course I care sweetie. I didn't want you to get hurt. But I guess I was just trying to avoid it altogether instead of actually doing something about it. I wanted to protect you from that ever since you were little."

"Is that why you didn't want me to tell her?"

"I didn't want you to hide anymore than you already have. But I didn't want your grandmother to get all judgmental like I knew she would, like I know a lot of other people will. I just didn't want any of it to be true because I didn't want my daughter to have to deal with people hating her."

"But Mom you can't protect me from _everyone_. I know there are going to be people like that but I can handle it. I don't care what anyone thinks of me. If the people I care about can just love and accept me for who I am then I promise I'll be okay." I waited for her response but she just pulled me into a hug. I drew in a deep breath and relaxed a little in her embrace.

"I do, sweetie, I just don't want you to get hurt."

"You were the only one hurting me, Mom. I've tried and tried to please Grandma but I can't do it and it's just not worth it anymore. I don't care if she doesn't accept me because I'm done trying to win her approval."

"I know, and I'm sorry. And I love you. I'm just not used to it but it doesn't mean things are going to be like that forever. I said I wasn't going to stand in your way."

"Thank you and I love you too. I just don't want to feel guilty about this," I said, pulling away from her. "I'm finally in a relationship where I am actually happy and I can be myself. Isn't that what you want for me? I'm happy, Mom. I don't feel uncomfortable or depressed or insecure. I don't feel any of that with Alex."

"I know; you were always happier when you were around her…even when you were younger. And if you're happy then I'm happy."

"So are we going to be okay?" I asked and she looked at me wordlessly. "Because I can deal with Grandma walking out. But…I can't deal with losing you." I know I said I couldn't, and _wouldn't_, cry…but I suddenly felt the urge to. I held them back though and I kept looking at my mom.

"You're not going to lose me, Mitchie. I promise. I would never do that to you." I finally let go of the breath I was holding and hugged her again. I don't know if everyone in the living room was still focused on us but I didn't really care anymore. I pulled back again and my mom kissed my forehead. I think I thought that coming out to my parents would take a weight off my chest. But only now does it feel like it's actually gone. And I can breathe right for once. "What do you say we go back in the living room and try to have a normal, maybe even _happy_, holiday dinner for once?" she joked, trying to lighten the mood. And it actually worked a bit. I let out a short laugh and shook my head. As if any of our family get-togethers were ever _normal_.

"I think that ship's already sailed but okay." She laughed too and checked the oven once before walking back over to me so we could go back to the living room where everyone else was. "And Mom?"

"Yes, sweetie?" I know she's been overbearing and weird this past month but it definitely was an improvement from when I first told her. And I was extremely grateful for that. And she even defended me against her own mother. I was even more grateful for that. Maybe we were going to be okay after all.

"Thank you."

* * *

><p><strong><strong>sooooooooooo...leave a review, yeah? YEAH.<strong>**

**A/N 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: Perfect by Marianas Trench**


	36. I Want You

**A/N 1: You guys...I seriously can't believe how long this story ended up being. And I cannot thank you guys enough for reading this, putting me and this story on your favorites/alerts list, and for all your reviews. I didn't even plan for this story to be in two parts but now, 36 chapters later...we have come to the end. This is the final chapter of Alter The Ending.**

**I hope you enjoy this one. Let me know what you think, this is your last chance to review and I would love to know how everyone feels now that it's over.**

**Also...there's an important author's note at the end of the story so please read that when you're finished.**

**And also, f****ollow me on Twitter (at symbol) manhatanProject so you can stay updated on my writing...and other random shit I talk about.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Chapter titles are song titles. I don't own them either.**

* * *

><p>36. I Want You<p>

_Happenstance set the vibe that we are in  
><em>_No apology because my urge is genuine  
><em>_And the mystery of your rhythm is so feminine  
><em>_Here I am and I want to take a hit of your scent  
><em>'_Cause it bit so deep into my soul_

* * *

><p><strong>Mitchie's POV<strong>

I haven't heard from my grandma since she walked out on Easter and for the first time I'm not going to let it get to me. My aunt and uncle found out what happened that night and turns out my grandma's the only one bothered by the fact that I'm gay. My family was surprised but they still love me.

It was Saturday now and I had never been so happy about Alex not working Saturdays anymore. Now that we were at a good place, or at least I finally was, I just wanted this day to be perfect. I wanted to spend the day together away from everyone and everything. I wanted to be with her and only her, and I had everything already planned out.

It was already noon and I was almost ready to head out and pick her up. My parents were both at work until maybe around five or six. And I'm sure Alex wanted to use the opportunity to take advantage of my empty house. But I told her that I didn't want to stay in and she would just have to get over it. My phone vibrated in my pocket as I grabbed my shoes.

"Hello?" I put the phone to my ear and held it up with my shoulder.

"Hey Mitch…it's Alex."

"Yeah, I know who you are babe," I informed her and heard her chuckle a bit on the other end. I held my phone again after slipping my other shoe on. There was a pause for a moment. "Hello?"

"Right, um, sorry I just…spaced out."

"Is everything okay? You sound weird."

"Yeah I uh, I need to tell you something…but please don't be mad at me," she said in a nervous tone and it worried me a bit.

"Can it wait until I pick you up? I was just about to leave. Or do you have to tell me right now?"

"I think now is better."

"Well what is it?"

"Say you won't be mad," she pleaded once more and I sighed into the phone.

"Okay, I won't be mad. Now can you please tell me what's going on?" I waited through another pause in the conversation before she said anything else.

"They needed someone to work today and I said I would," she said so quickly I had to stop a moment and go over each word so it would make sense in my head.

"What?"

"I'm sorry, I know we were supposed to go out today but one of the girls had a family emergency and I felt bad because they needed someone and no one else would do it."

"So you're going to work today?" I asked, and I could bet she could hear how disappointed I was.

"Well… I'm already at work. I just didn't know how to tell you because I knew you'd be mad." I stayed silent. I didn't know what to say. I didn't want to go off on her but she was right. I was pissed. "It's not that bad though, I swear." There was another pause, this time it was me. "Mitch?" I snapped out of my thoughts and refocused on the phone in my hand.

"Yeah, I'll see you later," I said evenly and hung up before she could respond. I didn't want to have this conversation over the phone. We have had this argument before and frankly I was tired of it. I grabbed my things and my keys before heading straight for the door.

**Alex's POV**

I heard the double beep signaling the end of the conversation and I huffed in annoyance. Of course she hung up on me. I would have been upset too. I just wish she would have let me explain myself a little more then maybe she wouldn't be so mad at me. I tried calling back a bunch of times but she never picked up.

"I take it she's pissed?" I looked up from where I was crouching behind the register so John wouldn't see me on my cell phone. Kelly was done ringing up the line we had.

"Pretty much, but I mean…she didn't _sound_ pissed." I was probably trying to convince myself more. I just wanted to believe that she took it just fine.

"She probably is."

"Well what was I supposed to do?"

"Uh…not come into work and stay home like you're supposed to? You stopped working on the weekends for a reason, Alex."

"I know but…" I trailed off and sighed. "I'm in trouble, aren't I?" I asked, standing back up straight.

"Most likely."

"Great. I don't know why she's making such a big deal out of this."

"Did you forget something?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is today important or something; birthday, anniversary, or whatever?"

"No that's impossible; our birthdays are around the same time and we got together in November. She just wanted to go out today."

"Well if she made plans then she's probably mad that you pretty much canceled them without even talking to her about it first."

"Damn it."

"You're not very smart."

"Thank you, Kelly," I said loudly as I rubbed my eyes trying not to stress out over this. When I dropped my hands I saw Frank standing right next to me and I flinched. "Jesus Christ, when did you get here?"

"I've been here the whole time…_stupid_."

"Wow, I'm losing it. What are you doing behind the register anyway?"

"Well I _was_ looking for a price gun but now I'm just going to stay here and wait until Mitchie comes and kills you."

"What? She's not going to _kill_ me. And what makes you think she'd even come here?"

"You don't know your girlfriend at all. It's going to be a showdown. I'll go get the popcorn," he said, finally finding the price gun under the counter.

"Get me some too, I want to watch," Kelly added in and I grabbed Frank's wrist to stop him from going anywhere.

"You guys are both assholes. And Mitchie's not going to come here just to kill me."

"Are you sure? Because she just walked into the store," Frank said and I smacked his arm.

"Shut up, that's not funny."

"He's not kidding, Alex…Mitchie's right over there." Kelly pointed by the main entrance and sure enough, there was my girlfriend. God damn it, why did we have to live five minutes away from this place?

"Shit," I whispered and crouched down behind the counter again. "She _is_ going to kill me."

"Can I video tape it? Wait! Can you guys get naked first?"

"Oh my God can you shut up?"

"Just get up; she's not going to hurt you," Kelly said while grabbing my arm and pulling me to a standing position. Just as I was standing up straight again Mitchie appeared in front of the register. Her expression was unreadable and I suddenly felt nervous again.

"Hey babe," I said slowly, dragging the words out. I offered a smile.

"Can we talk," she said calmly, insinuating that she wanted me to come with her so we can do this in private. I turned to see Frank and Kelly watching us intently like we were some sort of soap opera.

"Sure."

"No stay here!" Frank shouted as we began walking away.

"We're not getting naked!" I shouted back, earning a few strange looks from random customers in the store. He groaned and kicked a box near his foot before turning to Kelly.

"Why are you looking at me? I'm not either."

"My dick's going to sit here collecting dust because of you prudes."

"Your dick needs to stop going after lesbians."

"You go both ways, what's your excuse?"

"I don't know; I must be insane for not wanting a charming guy like you, Frank," she said sarcastically.

"You will eventually." I turned back to Mitchie whose face was now sporting a single raised eyebrow, much like my own.

"Let's go somewhere else before these two start making out," I told her quietly and she just nodded and led the way into a random aisle. "So…what's up?" I asked lamely and she crossed her arms over her chest. "You're mad at me, aren't you?"

"Of course I'm mad, Alex. I'm not going to pretend and tell you I'm fine when I told you a million times that I hate it when you do this. And I'm not going to kill you like you think I am. I mean I _should_ kick your ass into the next borough but I'm not."

"You're not?"

"I'm just sick of you always cancelling on me. You always do this. You cancel our plans because you have work or you're tired from work or you're sick or-"

"I know, and I'm sorry. But I swear it's not that bad. I tried to tell you that John's letting me work only a half day today because I'm not scheduled to even be here."

"You didn't even tell me until the last minute though."

"It was a last minute thing. I got a call yesterday and-"

"Yeah…_yesterday_…so why did you wait until like ten minutes ago to tell me?"

"I don't know. I'm really sorry and I promise I'll make it up to you," I told her but she didn't say anything. We both just stood there, looking at each other.

"When do you get off?" she asked, her voice going back to normal.

"Well John said I could leave at one so in a little less than an hour." She nodded her head and I reached for her hand. Surprisingly, she let me take it. "If I was going to have to work the whole day I would have said no. You said we were going to go out around noon so I figured it wouldn't be so bad."

"Then why couldn't you just tell me that when you agreed to work instead of dropping it on me last minute?"

"Would you have been mad?"

"Not really. I mean, yeah, it's annoying how you always work instead of spend time with me but it would have been better than you lying about it."

"I know; you're right. And I am sorry. I should have just told you."

"It's fine, I'll just…come pick you up in an hour," she said and I had to admit, I was a little surprised.

"Wait, really? You still want to go out?"

"Well yeah, an hour isn't that long."

"I just thought you'd be too annoyed with me or something."

"Alex if that was the case then we'd never go out," she joked, laughing a little, and I scoffed.

"Hey!"

"I'm kidding, you don't annoy me…all the time." I glared at her playfully, sticking my tongue out at her and she smiled.

"Thanks, I love you too."

"Yeah, whatever, I'll call you when I'm on my way back." She waved me off and turned around to leave but I kept my hold on her hand and spun her back around.

"Wait! Are you still mad at me?" I asked a little hesitantly. I mean, I know we're still on for our date but I just wanted to make sure. She sighed and shook her head.

"No."

"Really?" She laughed at me again.

"Yes, really. It's just an hour…and besides, this would be one awkward ass date if I was mad at you." I exhaled a bit, relieved.

"Okay, I'll see you later." She smiled, clearly amused by my anxiousness.

"Bye, Lex." She turned to walk away again but I pulled her back.

"Wait!"

"What?" she asked, still amused.

"If you're not mad at me then kiss me."

"I told you I'm not mad at you."

"Then kiss me," I whined with her hand still in mine, swinging her arm a little. She laughed again and placed a quick kiss on my lips before leaving. I held her hand tighter, stopping her from going anywhere. "Wait!"

"Oh my God, _what_?"

"Kiss me like you mean it."

"What are you talking about? I did mean it." I kept staring at her until she rolled her eyes. She pulled her hand out of my grasp and placed it on the back of my neck, pulling me into her and crashing our lips together. It was definitely deeper than the first and more passionate. I tried to hold her by her waist but she pulled away again. My eyes were still closed and when I opened them she leaned in to peck my lips just once before letting me go.

"Wow," I managed to breathe out but my heart was racing from that one short kiss.

"There's plenty more where that came from…_later_," she said with a wink as she walked away from me. This time I didn't stop her. I was rooted in the ground with a dazed look on my face. I finally snapped out of it when she was completely gone.

"Fuck…this is going to be the slowest hour of my life."

"Sucks to suck, bitch." I whipped my head around to see Frank standing not too far from where I was and I almost flinched again.

"God, can you stop doing that?"

"I just wanted to make sure I wasn't going to miss you getting your ass kicked."

"Oh well sorry to disappoint."

"Don't worry I still got a show," he said with that stupid smile of his.

"I hate you so much sometimes. And by sometimes, I mean all the time."

"Hey now I wouldn't be so _rude_ to the guy who convinced John to let him cover for your lying, lesbian ass."

"You what?"

"Chris is here so he can handle all the stock guy stuff. I told John I'll take your register and be a cashier today so it would be easier for you to not have to stay the whole day."

"You seriously did that for me?"

"Well I owed John for not coming in last week. But yeah, sure. And besides, cashiers have the easy job."

"Yeah okay…anything to get close to Kelly, right?" I teased with a smirk on my face.

"Bitch, I don't want your sloppy seconds." I kept looking at him as we walked through the aisle. "Why, did she say something?"

"_Maybe._"

"Fuck you."

"Fine, I'll just tell her you're not interested."

"You cunt!"

"Excuse me?"

"I said…cute shoes." I shook my head and laughed, hitting him upside the head.

"Come on dumbass; let's get this hour over with."

* * *

><p>The rest of my work day actually passed a lot faster than I thought it would. But still, it would never be fast enough. I just wanted to get the hell out of here and be with Mitchie. She should be here any minute. I was just lucky I didn't have to stay here all day like everyone else. My phone went off next to the register. I looked down and saw the screen lit up with a new message.<p>

_Text Message From: Mitchie  
><em>_I'm in the parking lot whenever you're ready._

I checked my watch and sure enough it was already five after one. I saw John walking out of one of the nearby aisles and I called him over. I wanted to get out of here already. When he gave me the okay to leave I wasted no time and punched out before practically sprinting out the door. I scanned the parking lot and found Mitchie's car right away.

"You seem like you're in a better mood," I told her once I got in and put my seatbelt one.

"What? I told you I'm over it."

"Okay, okay, just checking." I reached over the armrest between us and kissed her cheek as she pulled out of the lot. "So what are we doing today?"

"Don't worry about it."

"Can you at least stop by my house first so I can change?"

"What's wrong with what you're wearing? Just take your uniform off." I glanced at my outfit and noticed the tank top I had underneath the red t-shirt with the store's name on it. I forgot I was wearing layers today. I don't know why considering how hot it was.

"I guess." I shrugged and lifted the shirt over my head and tossed it in the back seat of her car. I was already in skinny jeans and white Converses so there really was no need to change. Mitchie apparently changed when she went back home, now wearing denim shorts instead of jeans with her white top and light brown Sperry's. She moved her aviators from the top of her head down to cover her eyes. "So where are we going with you dressed all cute?"

"Nice try but flattery isn't going to work."

"Not even a little?"

"You'll just have to be patient. Are you hungry?"

"_Yes_," I answered as I put my hand on her bare thigh. I saw her give me a side glance and she breathed out a short laugh.

"For _food_?"

"Yeah I can eat…" She was still giving me that look out of the corner of her eye. "…food."

"Good, because I know the perfect place we can go to pick up lunch." She merged onto the highway and thankfully there wasn't a lot of traffic on the road.

"Pick up?"

"Yeah, the original plan was to go out to eat first and then I had something else in mind for after."

"So what happened?"

"Well I didn't think the weather would be this nice so…new plan."

"Which would be…"

"Stop asking questions, I'm winging it as it is."

"Fine, I don't care as long as I'm with you anyway," I told her, and grabbed the hand that wasn't on the steering wheel and laced our fingers. She brought our joined hands up to her lips and kissed them. "Are you listening to this or can I flip around?" I asked when a song ended and a commercial started on the radio.

"Go ahead; you're going to do it anyway." She knows me so well. I switched the stations trying to find something decent to listen to. "All of the songs on the radio sound the same. It's like the exact same club beat but different lyrics…except they're all stupid. They don't even make sense."

"Trust me I know. Don't even bother with the popular stations; switch to the second presets." I did as she requested and sure enough the songs were a little better. But I am really picky when it comes to music. I passed an Adele song that plays on ten different stations at once, an old Green Day song I haven't heard since I was ten, and something by a band that sounded an awful lot like Creed, so I kept looking.

"Wow this sucks." I checked the last few stations until I came across a vaguely familiar R&B song and I stopped. "This fucking song…" Mitchie raised the volume a bit and started laughing when she recognized it as Brian McKnight's _Back at One_. "I can't believe this is on the radio it's so old."

"But how can you hate it when it's the first song we ever danced to?" she teased and sat there trying to think. "Oh come on, don't you remember…in middle school?"

"Oh my God yes; I thought it was _All My Life_." I saw Mitchie grimace at the mention of the K-Ci & JoJo song.

"Ugh no, that came on after. And I distinctly remember refusing to stick around to hear another annoying R&B love song."

"I was surprised you even wanted to dance with me in the first place. I'm glad you did though."

"What can I say? I have perfect timing."

**_Flashback (7__th__ Grade)_**

_I don't know why schools even insisted on having these dances. And I don't know why my parents told me to go to this one. I hate dances. I can't even dance so what's the point in being here? The song changed from something fast paced and upbeat to a slower melody and I held in a long sigh of annoyance._

_I hated slow dances more than anything. My friends _loved_ them though for some reason so they ran off with the nearest prepubescent boy they could find. It was stupid, really. The dances are heavily chaperoned and the parents and teachers watch the kids like hawks so they don't get _too close_. Why would they even play slow songs at all?_

_If they did happen to get so lost in a song that their twelve year old bodies happened to press against each other someone would casually stroll through in between them. A teacher would give them some rap about inappropriate touching or what have you. I rolled my eyes as I watched them._

_I leaned against the wall looking at all of my classmates together. It was weird. Why was everyone obsessing over whether or not a boy would ask them to dance? I was praying to God that a boy wouldn't come up to me. Before I knew it the song ended and another one started. To my dismay, it was another slow one._

"_Alex?" a voice called out to me and only then I realized I wasn't really paying attention to anything._

"_Hey Nick." I tried not to sound like I didn't want to be here, even though I didn't. But I didn't want to sound excited to see him either. Nick wasn't taller than me by much and had blonde hair that he constantly had to push away from his face. I never found the skater look to be all that appealing on any guy let alone him._

"_You want to dance?" He didn't sound as nervous as I felt. I don't know why though; it's not like I had to say yes._

"_Oh…uh, no thanks."_

"_Why not?" He was as persistent as he was confident and it was equally annoying._

"_Because…I don't want to," I tried explaining but apparently it wasn't a good enough answer. Nick was a friend but I never liked him all that much. And the thought of dancing with him was enough to make me cringe._

"_Why?" This kid asks a lot of questions. I opened my mouth to speak in an attempt to get rid of him politely but I didn't have the chance to. Before I could say anything a brunette maybe an inch shorter than I was came up next to me; Mitchie Torres._

"_Because she's already got someone," she said, propping her elbow up to rest on my shoulder casually. I met Mitchie not too long ago and had only a few classes with her but she was still someone I'd rather be talking to than Nick._

"_What?" the blonde boy asked, not fully understanding for some reason. "Yeah right, like you two are going to dance to this." He looked at me for confirmation and I just nodded my head dumbly._

"_Uh…yeah." I don't know why I was still so nervous. He looked shocked._

"_Sorry, find someone else," she told him more straightforward as she took my hand and dragged me away from him and into the crowd of people in the middle of the makeshift dance floor in the school gym. Once we were mixed in the sea of students we stopped._

"_Thanks for that; he wouldn't leave me alone."_

"_No problem; you looked like you needed help," she laughed and let go of my hand but soon stopped and grabbed it again._

"_Wha-…um, what are you doing?" I stuttered but she wasn't looking at me. I turned my head to where she was facing but she turned my head back and brought her other hand around my waist._

"_He's looking at us." She sounded amused at the whole thing, a slight hint of laughter evident in her voice._

"_Oh."_

"_You okay, Alex?" she asked when she noticed I was still pretty tense in her hold, my movements stiff as we slowly moved to the beat of the song._

"_What? No, yeah, I'm fine," I tried to tell her and she offered a friendly smile._

"_Relax, there's no pressure; it's just me." I let out a breath and tried to loosen up. I tripped over her foot nearly right after and I looked down to avoid her eyes. I didn't want her to see me as a nervous wreck because of this. But as embarrassed as I was, she didn't laugh at me._

"_Sorry."_

"_It's cool; don't worry about it."_

"_I'm just…really uncoordinated. And if I'm being completely honest, I hate dances."_

"_If _I'm_ being completely honest, I hate this song." We both shared a laugh and eased into the rhythm more. I was slowly starting to get the hang of it._

"_Trust me, so do I."_

"_But hey you got to admit, I'm a much better dance partner than skater boy back there would have been," she said somewhat cockily but I thought it was funny rather than annoying like with Nick._

"_Well you're graceful enough for the both of us; I'll give you that."_

"_You're not _that_ bad," she joked but I still felt my cheeks getting red. "I'm kidding."_

"_It's okay; I know I'm terrible," I said with a light laugh. The song continued and we watched as teachers broke up more students who were getting too close. "They're going a little overboard. I mean, it's just a dance."_

"_Tell me about it. You think they'll come and tell us to back apart to _'make room for Jesus'_ or will they leave us alone since we're girls?" I never actually thought about that. I didn't think about the teachers or the rules for dancing since, well…we are just…two girls. Girls dance with each other all the time anyway._

"_Um…I don't know; I doubt it." We danced for maybe another minute and then the song finally came to an end. I exhaled a sigh of relief. "Finally."_

"_Gee, thanks."_

"_No I didn't mean it like that. Sorry, dances just make me…"_

"_I get it." Another slow song started playing and I once again held in a groan of annoyance._

"_You don't want to dance again, do you?" I asked, hoping she wouldn't say yes._

"_No, one lame R&B song is enough. I was actually thinking about ditching this place with my friend Zach and going to the pizzeria across the street, you want to come?" she offered and I finally felt myself relaxing. I smiled at her and nodded._

"_Sounds good to me."_

**_End Flashback_**

"You know, this is technically _our_ _song_," she said, trying not to laugh considering we both hate it.

"Oh _God_ no; leave it at Sade but never this. The only thing this song reminds me of is how hard I was trying to convince myself that I didn't like girls. _You _were no help whatsoever."

"You're not getting an apology out of me for that, so…get over it." I laughed and changed the station back to that random Green Day song instead and lowered the volume a bit.

"I guess I should thank you instead then. I mean…you technically helped me realize I was gay."

"I thought you didn't have a crush on me until you were like…fifteen or something."

"I didn't…but still…being close with you, a girl, felt more right than being close with a guy. It would have been the same if it were anyone…it just happened to be you at the time."

"Is that when you realized?"

"No, but it definitely helped…even if I didn't know it at the time. I was hoping I was wrong."

"Well, look on bright side…five to six years later…we're together."

"I know," I said, playing with her fingers in my hand like I always do. "I wouldn't have it any other way."

* * *

><p>We had continued driving for a while, mostly in a comfortable silence, until she pulled up to some restaurant. I had never seen or heard of it before but it sounded good. But I remembered Mitchie saying we weren't staying to eat here. I didn't know where we were going though. It wasn't a fancy restaurant; it was half sit-down, half take out.<p>

"Can you please tell me where we're going?" I asked her as she ordered food for us to go.

"No."

"Where the hell are we going to eat, then?"

"Alex…shut up." I nagged her practically the whole time we waited for our food, which didn't take that long. We were out the door and back in the car in no time. The weather had gotten even nicer.

"So…where to, dear?" I prompted with my arms crossed over my chest.

"Why can't you ever just let me surprise you with something?"

"Because I like annoying you."

"Clearly," she said, rolling her eyes. She put the food in the car and pulled out a black backpack from the trunk. She unzipped the front pocket and pulled out a red bandana and handed it to me. "Put this on." I stared at the cloth in my hands.

"You want me to blindfold myself?"

"Yes." I contemplated arguing with her over it but decided against it and shrugged.

"Fine," I complied with a long, dragged out sigh. "The things I do for love." I heard her chuckle under her breath and once I couldn't see anything I felt her lips on my cheek.

"Thank you, now come on." She opened the door for me and I got in and I breathed in and out carefully. "Don't be so nervous; I'm not going to take you somewhere to murder you."

"I wasn't thinking that…but now…" I trailed off and I felt her shove my arm. "Mitchie I'm sorry I'll never lie to you or work ever again just please don't kill me I-" she cut off my dramatic ranting with another shove and I couldn't help but laugh. "Ow."

"Shut up."

"Yes, master."

"Oh God, please don't ever call me that." She continued her drive to wherever the hell it was that we were going. I couldn't even tell how long we were driving until we finally stopped. I wondered if we were fully stopped or just at a light or some other pit stop but she shut off the engine and took off her seatbelt. I did the same.

"Are we here?"

"Yeah," she said and I started to take the blindfold off but she held it in place. "Keep it on for a little while longer."

"Why?"

"Do you trust me?" she asked and I would have rolled my eyes at such a ridiculous question but she couldn't see my eyes.

"Of course I do."

"Then just wait one second." I heard her get out of the car and I stayed seated, just waiting. I faintly heard the back doors being opened and then closed and I wondered what the hell she was doing. "Okay, first things first," she started and I felt something in my ears. "Keep those in."

"Headphones?"

"Yeah."

"Why?"

"Stop asking questions." I sighed once again as she searched through her iPod; I could hear the clicking noises in my ears as she scrolled. "Just follow me."

"I can't see where I'm going, Mitch."

"I know, I meant take my hand."

"Oh…right." She took my hand in hers just as she clicked on a random song to play and turned up the volume a bit. She led the way as we walked through God knows where. The weather was hot but it seemed the more we walked the cooler it got. A nice breeze was now blowing past us. How long had we been walking for? "Are we there yet?" I asked even though if she answered me I wouldn't be able to hear her. The volume in my ears lowered a bit.

"Almost." The volume went back up and the song was almost ending. Judging by the average length of songs I assumed we had walked for nearly two to three minutes. I kept walking but I felt a tug on my hand and realized Mitchie had stopped. She let go but didn't tell me to take the blindfold off yet so I kept it on. A new song played—_Shiver_ by Coldplay; I recognized it instantly and randomly hummed along. I had been so focused on the music I hardly noticed when Mitchie lowered the volume again.

"Did you say something?"

"Yeah, you can take the blindfold off now." I pushed the cloth up my forehead and my eyes had to adjust to the light for a moment. It was a lot brighter outside than I remember. I took the headphones out and realized where we were. The sun was bright and the wind was blowing only slightly and I wondered how I didn't know where we were from the smell. The waves of the ocean were calm, a stark contrast to the last time I was here. I blocked out the image of Mitchie calling out my name desperately in the rain as we both stood in the freezing, dangerous water.

"The beach?" While I was listening to music she had already set up a place for us to sit and eat.

"I know how much you love this place…or, at least how much you used to." I bit my lip as she took my hand again. "When you first brought me here last year you told me you would come here to just get away from everything and everyone. And after everything that's happened, I just…I don't know, I didn't want you to lose that with bad memories of this place." I knew exactly what she was referring to. The weather was beautiful. The water looked peaceful and I just realized she put headphones in my ears so I wouldn't hear the waves of the ocean. She was a clever girl. I smiled at her.

"Is that why you didn't want me to see?"

"I didn't know if you'd be hesitant to come back here or not. I just wanted to-"

"Thank you," I said, cutting her off before she could say anything.

"What?"

"It's really sweet of you; this place does mean a lot to me. I'm glad you brought me here," I told her before bringing my lips to hers.

"Good…I didn't want this whole thing to backfire."

"Am I missing something about today?"

"What do you mean?"

"It's just a little out of the blue that you went through all of this for a date the whole day away from everyone…literally; because I know the motel doesn't open for the summer until memorial day weekend. There's pretty much no one around here for my miles…until you reach the public beach."

"Well I wanted this date to be private and I thought this would be the perfect place. Now come on and let's sit because I'm starving." She sat down cross-legged on a thin, navy blanket she had laid out and I moved to sit with her.

"Me too." She reached for the bag with our food in it and paused, turning to look at me. "For food."

"Yeah okay…"

"You make it seem like I'm kind of sex addicted pervert."

"You said it, Lex, not me."

"Well can you blame me?"

"So you admit to being a pervert?" she quipped as she handed me my food and opened the Styrofoam container that had hers in it.

"Only for you," I told her and she laughed as she picked up a French fry and ate half of it. I unwrapped the paper from my sandwich and took a bite. "Oh wow you weren't kidding about this place."

"Told you, best lobster roll you'll find out here in bumblefuck Long Island." She reached into the backpack behind her and handed me a water bottle.

"Thanks." I opened it and took a sip. "So there's really no special occasion today?" I asked and she tilted her head looking confused as she bit into her own sandwich.

"No…why?"

"I just didn't want to be forgetting something important. Wait…we're not one of those couples who celebrate random anniversaries instead of actual milestones, are we?" She swallowed her food with a little difficulty as she started laughing again. Once she cleared her throat she shook her head.

"No Alex; we might be gay but we're not _gay_," she joked and I laughed too.

"Well, if we were…happy five months, for what it's worth." She smiled and leaned in to kiss me, the very slight salty taste of French fries still lingering on her lips.

"But not really, I just wanted to go out with you. I've been kind of off lately and I thought being alone with you would help. And I was right."

"What do you mean you've been off? What's wrong?"

"Nothing really; I mean, my family's been better. I've just been feeling weird now that the school year is ending." I think I knew what she was talking about.

"Don't think about it."

"I know I shouldn't…and I know nothing's going to change."

"What? You mean with us?"

"Yeah; I mean, I have faith in us, in our relationship, so I'm not worried about us not being able to make it work next year."

"Then what's the problem?" She didn't say anything for a moment or so. She continued to eat her sandwich and pick at her fries. I took note of her slow pace and how she pushed her food around; it's something she did when she was either nervous or trying to hide that she wasn't really eating.

"I guess nothing really," she said after a long exhale. "I'm just going to miss you is all. And I know I'm not going to be far at all but I just don't want our schedules or something to get in the way. I see the way it is now; we have classes together and see each other during lunch but there's usually something. If it's not your job then I have therapy and if it's not therapy then you have family dinner and if it's not-"

"Mitchie, you need to stop thinking so hard about this. We'll be fine; I promise. You don't have to worry. I'm not going to let something like this be a problem for us."

"You just sound so sure and I've been thinking about this ever since I started applying to colleges. And now that I decided where I'm going it just feels…"

"Like it's real?"

"Yeah." She sighed again and ate another French fry, took a sip from her water bottle, and then looked at me with eyes I couldn't read.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"We just did."

"Yeah but I don't want you to be upset about it."

"I'm not upset. I told you…I'm just…_off_." Nearly half her sandwich was gone and I realized she had actually been eating her lunch, not just moving it to make it look like she was.

"You seem fine to me. I haven't noticed a change in you recently…" I trailed off and then a thought hit me. "Unless you were making it obvious and I'm just a bad girlfriend." The sound of her giggling as she tried to drink more water filled the air.

"No I wasn't…and you're not."

"You sure?"

"Positive; you're a great girlfriend."

"Hmm…just great?"

"Great…funny…incredibly sweet," she listed and I stared at her urging her to continue, enjoying this.

"Keep going…"

"Conceited." I lightly slapped her thigh and she swatted my hand away. "Annoying."

"Alright I get it!" I held her hands as she tried to hit me back. We stopped fussing and looked at each other. A content smile graced her features.

"Beautiful."

"Are we still talking about me or are we talking about you now?"

"Still you." I smiled back and leaned in until my lips lightly brushed against hers and she kissed me. She pulled back slightly but I moved closer to her, reconnecting our lips. I moved the Styrofoam container from her lap and deepened the kiss. My hands were on either side of her, forcing her to lean back with me hovering over her. But shortly after she sat back up and pulled away again. She pulled out my hand that was slowly inching up her shirt. "Horny."

"And _how_," I admitted shamelessly because honestly…how can I not be? She laughed and shook her head. "You know, if I was a guy you'd be blue balling the shit out of me right now."

"Well then I think I speak for the both of us when I say thank God you're not a guy. Plus, if you were I'm sure your boner would be digging into my thigh as we speak." I climbed off of her lap and pouted. She stood up and offered me her hand for me to take. "Let's go for a walk or something; it's so nice out." I got up too and she kicked off her shoes, leaving her barefoot so she can walk in the sand; I followed and did the same.

We walked along the shoreline, the water barely reaching our ankles. We kept our fingers intertwined as we wandered the beach. Our walk was filled with light conversation, avoiding the subject of college or anything about next year. Sometimes we would stay silent, just enjoying being with each other.

I don't know how much time had passed but I didn't care. The sun was still out but I could tell it wouldn't be out for that much longer. By the looks of it I'd guess we only had a couple hours until sunset. We walked back to where our things were but we stayed by the ocean. Even though it was still early in the year the water wasn't as cold as I thought it would be.

"I expected the water to be freezing in April," I mused out loud and Mitchie let go of my hand. I had my jeans rolled up mid-calf so I wouldn't get them dirty.

"Well it's been pretty warm since March so I'm not that surprised."

"You could probably even swim if you wanted to."

"Oh really now?" she said and her tone was something I should be concerned about. Before I could respond I felt a pair of arms wrap around my waist and lift me up. The scream I let out was almost inhuman.

"Put me down!" My shouting would be a little over the top if I didn't know what was going on in that mind of hers. "Mitch, please!"

"Fine, fine," she said and before I knew it my feet were touching the sand again. I breathed a huge sigh of relief but my heart was pounding.

"Thank you." I put my hand over my chest as I tried to calm down. As I finally got my breathing back to normal she grabbed me again and lifted me in her arms, one behind my back and one hooked under my legs. I threw my arms around her neck and clung tightly to her. "Stop! Oh my God Mitchie!"

"Wow, usually when you say that it's because you _don't_ want me to stop," she said, winking at me but I just buried my head in the crook of her neck.

"Don't make sex jokes; I'm freaking out!"

"Since when are you afraid of the water?"

"I'm not but it's cold and I'm in my clothes." She took a step further towards the oceans, the water now past her ankles. "Mitchie…" I warned but she took another step. Since she was in shorts she didn't have to worry about her clothes getting wet. I momentarily thanked God that I had left my phone back by the rest of our stuff.

"What?" she said innocently as she moved even further until the water reached her knees. "You know the water really isn't that cold once you get used to it."

"Shut up; I'm going to kill you," I mumbled into her skin, still clutching her for dear life.

"Well that's just rude." She jerked her arms, pretending to drop me but she kept her hold on me. I think my heart actually stopped for a moment.

"For the love of all that is holy put me down," I begged and I felt her shrug.

"Alright, if you say so." I lifted my head from her neck to question her but the arms that were holding me let me go and I fell right into the ocean. The instant my body hit the water I held my breath and went under. The shock of the cold was intense but we weren't in too deep so I was able to stand back up.

"Mitchie!" I spit out some excess water and wiped my eyes. I immediately regretted standing back up because I started to freeze and I dropped back into the ocean. I looked around and saw Mitchie back on the shore by the blanket. "Mitch!" I am going to kill her.

"One sec!"

"Come back," I whined but she just looked at me and smiled, holding up a finger, before turning back to our stuff. I swam out a little further and just treaded in the water. She was right, once you get used to it it's not so bad. I closed my eyes and dunked my head in the water. When I came back up I turned around to face the shore again. But I didn't see Mitchie there anymore. I didn't have time to be confused though because she emerged from the water only a foot away from me.

"Hey."

"Don't _hey_ me, you let go."

"But you have to admit it was funny." I kept a straight face but couldn't fight the smile that tried to form.

"I'm still going to kill you."

"Really? Because I kind of had something else in mind," she said and brought her hands to the sides of my face. I closed my eyes and felt her lips on mine. She kissed me with a little more fire than she did back on shore but I wasn't complaining. I reached out to grip her bare hips and ran my tongue over her bottom lip. And then I froze. Her hips were _bare_. My eyes shot open and I could feel her smiling.

"Mitch…" I trailed off, slightly stunned, and my hands trailed down her sides to her legs; all bare. "Are you-"

"Yes," she said, pulling me in closer and kissing me again. She wrapped an arm around my waist and pushed me closer to the shore but the water still came up to our shoulders if we stood. My clothes stuck and clung to my body, weighing me down more. Mitchie's fingers curled around the hem of my tank top and I raised my arms so she could take it off. It was slightly more difficult to peel my jeans off of my legs but I removed those too and I threw both of them as far as I could towards the shore. They landed in a crumpled, damp pile in the sand. "Someone's anxious."

"You're the one who got naked first."

"And?" she questioned with an eyebrow raised as she unhooked my bra. It too ended up in the sand. She held my waist again, sliding her hands down my thighs. I was too dazed to come up with a coherent response. She slipped her fingers past my underwear, pulling them down slowly.

"You're…right…um…what uh, what were we talking about?" I stuttered out and I thanked any and every deity out there that this place was deserted.

"I don't know either." Our lips collided in a heated kiss and she pulled my naked body towards hers, our hips pressing against each other. I put my arms around her neck and she lifted me up by my thighs with ease. I wrapped my legs around her waist, bringing us even closer, unintentionally causing a moan to escape me.

She kissed a trail from my jaw line to my neck. Her hands traveled up my sides and to my shoulders then down my back, dragging her nails across my skin in the process. I bucked my hips the harder she sucked the sensitive skin. My breaths came out harder, more labored. And when she wedged her hand between our two bodies my legs nearly gave out.

I tangled my fingers in her wet hair and pulled her lips away from my chest and I kissed her hard. Her mouth muffled my moans of pleasure but nothing could silence me with the way her fingers worked faster between my legs. The entire lower half of my body _ached_. She kept one hand pressed firmly on my back while the other just pushed harder.

We were practically in the middle of nowhere. No one could see us and no one could hear us. It was almost as if this was the first time we were able to be together with no restrictions. We never have privacy and we hardly ever get a minute alone. And it made perfect sense that Mitchie didn't think we needed a special occasion to just…get away.

I gripped her shoulders; I thought I was going to fall apart at any minute. Our lips glided along each other. I gently bit her lip every now and then whenever she would change her pace. She kept her movements slow and I groaned against her mouth when she picked it up a notch. This was better than any high I had ever experienced.

I breathed out a string of moans as I neared the edge. If it weren't for the cold water, I would be on fire. Still, my skin felt like it was burning under her touch and I loved every minute of it. She moved her hand from my back to encircle around my waist again until there was absolutely no space between us. I pushed my hips back against her hand and as I called her name breathlessly I started to come undone.

* * *

><p>The clothes that I was previously wearing were still wet and covered in sand. Mitchie had an extra pair of shorts in her backpack and she had brought along my work shirt too. She usually is prepared for whatever can go wrong; our clothes getting wet or dirty from the beach. But I can bet anything she knew she was going to throw me in the water. Perhaps that was payback for me lying to her about working. But with the way the day turned out I don't really mind; hell, I deserved it.<p>

The sun had gone down a while ago. We were both fully dressed, minus my underwear…but I could deal without it, and laid out on the blanket. Mitchie had one arm behind her head, using her backpack as a pillow, and her other under my own. Her fingers lightly ran through my hair and I breathed out a content sigh.

"You know, I've never been here at night when it wasn't cloudy," I said randomly while I draped my arm across her stomach.

"This place is even beautiful at night."

"That's because back home in Queens you hardly see any stars with the amount of lights from houses and buildings or whatever," I told her as we both stared up at the night sky that was littered with what seemed like hundreds of stars. The moon was full and provided us with just the right amount of lighting, which wasn't much at all. "Thank you for today."

"You're welcome."

"We should go on spontaneous holidays more often."

"I mean…it wasn't _that_ spontaneous."

"What do you mean?"

"Well it was at first. I was going to do this last weekend but when I remembered what day today was I thought it was more…fitting…to go out this weekend." She stopped playing with my hair and instead wrapped her arm around my shoulder. "Because a year ago today…I told you I loved you and asked you to be my girlfriend. And you said yes…and made me the happiest girl on the planet." I tilted my head so I was looking up at her. Her eyes were already fixed on me.

"Our original anniversary."

"You know, even though it was the start of a relationship that ultimately when completely downhill it was still one of the best days of my life because I finally had you." I smiled at her. The pale light from the moon partly illuminated her face and I could see that she was smiling too. And she was beautiful.

"It was one of the best days of my life too. I didn't think you'd want to celebrate that now though, considering, well…everything."

"I didn't. Like I said I didn't really plan it to be this way. I just thought it would be nice."

"It was."

"I'm glad. I felt like we needed this."

"We did…and this was actually perfect. But I think it would have been no matter what happened or what we did. As long as we're together I don't really care what kind of shit happens to us." She hugged me a little closer to her and kissed my head. She breathed out a sigh into my hair.

"You're making it harder to go next year. I know I don't want to commute…but I don't want to leave you. I don't know, I guess I just want to spend as much time with you as I can before everything changes next year."

"I don't want you to leave either. And nothing's going to change; you'll see." She shifted a bit and let me go for a moment to check the time on her watch.

"Speaking of leaving, we should probably head back soon."

"Or we can just…you know…not." She chuckled quietly into the top of my head and kissed it again.

"As much as I'd love to just be alone with you like this all night, we can't sleep here. And I told my parents I wouldn't be out too late." I sighed and untangled our legs. But I made no other effort to move.

"I am entirely too comfortable right now to even think about getting up, Mitch." Despite my protest she started to sit up, retracting her arm from under me.

"Come on, lazy." I turned over until I was straddling her and I pushed her back down against the blanket. She raised an eyebrow at me.

"I like being here with you," I told her after a moment of staring. "We never get this at home."

"I know. But we have to go back to reality some time." I stayed on top of her for another minute. We were silent. The only thing we could hear was the sound of the waves gently hitting the shore.

"Will you still love me next year?"

"What?" She tried to sit up but I didn't move.

"Just…answer the question, please?"

"Yes, of course I will. What's the-"

"Would you still love me even if I never go to college?" She grew even more confused.

"Alex where is all of this coming from?" she asked while resting on her arms as she leaned up more. "I'm always going to love you."

"I know," I said before I leaned down to kiss her lips softly. "Just wanted to make sure." I finally got off of her and helped her up. She put everything away and slung her backpack over her shoulder, taking my hand in hers. But as we started to walk I stopped her. "Mitchie wait." She turned to look at me wondering why we weren't leaving yet.

"What's up?" I had to do this now; it was the perfect time.

"I just…I really need to talk to you about something. I've been meaning to tell you for a while actually and I think now's a good time….you know, before we head back home."

"Okay…what is it?" She sounded unsure. I smiled at her to ease her nerves and dropped my bag and gave her hand a light squeeze.

"Look, I know you're worried about college and all that but like I said, we can make it work no matter what. And I want you to know that I love you more than anything and I would do anything to make you happy. And I want to be with you…always." I held onto her fingers as I kneeled down in front of her and watched her face go from curious to just plain stunned. I bit my lip and dug through my bag until I found what I was looking for.

"Alex…what the fuck are you doing?" she ask bluntly, trying to sound as calm as she possibly could. I tried not to smile too hard. But it was hard to contain myself around her.

"Mitchie…I love you." I took my other hand out of my bag and held it up to her. "Will you be my roommate next year?" She blinked a few times but didn't say anything. She looked like she was in a trance. She shook her head once and focused on what was in my hand that she wasn't holding. I handed her the piece of paper and she unfolded it, trying to hold it under the moonlight so she can read it.

"What is this?" she asked as she narrowed her eyes to focus better on the words printed on the page. She read them out loud. I bit my lip again in anticipation. "Dear Alexandra Russo, congratulations, it is with great pleasure I offer you admission to Adelphi University's Liberal Arts program for the Fall 2012 semester." She stopped reading and glanced up at me, still in shock. And then she smiled. "Alex, you…you got into college?" she asked, almost incredulously.

"Yeah." She opened her mouth to speak but no words came out. "I'm going to college next year." And without any warning she wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug, lifting me off the ground. But this time I didn't mind. I laughed as she spun me around.

"Oh my God Alex, I'm so proud of you!" she said as she put me back down on my feet again.

"Really?"

"Of course I am! I told you that you could do it," she said and then out of nowhere her expression changed and she hit me multiple times in my chest. It didn't hurt but I was confused now.

"Hey what was that for?"

"You lied to me; you said for _months_ you weren't going! Why didn't you tell me any of this?"

"You always talked about how I could do so much better if I just tried. You really believed I had potential to do well in school. I just wanted to see if I actually did."

"When did this even happen? _How _did this even happen?"

"Well…I retook the SATs over the summer…and I actually studied for them. And I would help out in the attendance office when I had free periods during the day…but I've been doing that since freshman year. I really wasn't doing that bad in all of my classes, only a few. And I worked out something with Mr. Porter so that if I helped him out with paper work and filing and whatnot he would change most of my detentions to service credits instead."

"Wow that's actually brilliant."

"Thanks; I just didn't want my record to be so bad. And I spent _so_ many fucking nights trying to study and do well on assignments. I didn't tell you because I knew you'd want to help me."

"Of course I would have helped you-"

"I know, but I just had to do this on my own…to see if I really could." She kept her arms around my waist and pulled me in for a kiss.

"I knew you could."

"I know you did; you always did have faith in me, Mitch. And I can never thank you enough for always believing in me…even when I didn't. So I didn't tell you and let you believe I wasn't going at all. I applied to all the colleges you did. I mean, I didn't get into _all_ of them but I would have gone wherever you decided."

"Really?"

"Yeah. I know I don't really care all that much about college but I know you do. So I didn't care where I ended up." She engulfed me in another hug and I sighed into her embrace. I would go anywhere as long as I ended up in these arms at the end of the day.

"I love you so much, Alex."

"I love you too Mitchie," I mumbled into her neck. "So what do you say? You want to shack up again next year or what?" Her light giggling filled my ears and I couldn't stop smiling.

"Well…" she pondered for a bit, as if she actually had to think about it.

"Come on," I urged her as we broke apart once again. "You and me, babe…how about it?"

"Are you quoting Dire Straits?"

"You bet your perfect ass I am." I kept my hands on her hips and her smile was bigger than mine, if that were even possible.

"Then yes, I would love nothing more than to live with you again." I brought my lips to hers once more and I held onto her for just a moment longer.

"Good. I told you nothing would change and I kept my promise. I've got you Mitch," I told her after I pulled away and rested my forehead against hers. I looked into her eyes once she opened them. I want to see these eyes every morning when I wake up. I want to be able to go to sleep with her by my side. It might have been hard work to make this happen but I would do it all again in a heartbeat just knowing I would get to be with her. And besides, she's worth it. She's always worth it.

* * *

><p><em>The End<em>

* * *

><p><strong>AN 2: Chapter Song Title/Quote: I Want You by Third Eye Blind**

**A/N 3: IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE**

**So, that's it. Like I said, I hope you liked it. This story means a lot to me as it was my first ever (I'm talking about both TPAP and ATE). I appreciate all the feedback I have gotten both on this story and The Push And Pull. I never expected people to even like it that much. Now that it's over I just want to know one thing.**

**Since the beginning of last summer, in the midst of writing for TPAP, I had come up with more ideas for this story. Some I used in this one and others I have dismissed completely. But others I had kept stored in the back of my mind.**

**So...depending on what you guys want...I have another part to this story. I have most of it thought up already so just let me know what you think. Obviously I am going to take a break and start other multi-chapter stories (because I have a bunch of them waiting to be written). But I will eventually return to the TPAP/ATE story and add a third and final part to it.**

**Let me know, hell, I might do it regardless of what the responses are. When I have a story I feel needs to be written, I'll just end up writing it anyway.**

**Until then, leave a review and let me know what you think about this chapter, this story, and well...everything else.**

**Love you guys**

**-mP**


End file.
